audrey shepard agrees to have lunch with kaidan on the citadel and stops running away from her feelings. [read on ao3]
a/n: Audrey Shepard is the OC of my beloved bestie, Abbey @purahs. Holly is my Shepard. They are sisters. I love Kaidan and Audrey a normal amount.
The pale blue of Audrey’s terminal washed over her face as she read and reread Kaidan’s email.
Hey Audrey,
Next time we take shore leave, you should join me for lunch at Apollo’s Café in the Presidium. We haven’t had a chance to properly catch up since I rejoined the Normandy. I heard they still do steak. Might be nice to take some time to indulge in some home comforts.
Let me know.
Kaidan
She’d been avoiding him. She knew that. She knew why, too: if they got time to discuss things seriously then she was sure Kaidan would break off their… whatever it was. And the thought was almost too much to bear. She would rather wallow uncertainty and indecision for eternity than have him tell her it was over.
Audrey scanned his message again, searching for anything she could latch onto, anything she could find that would make it easy to reject his offer and put it off again, but she found nothing.
Kaidan,
I’d love to. Think we’re docking in a few days. See you then.
A
* * * * *
Audrey fiddled with her sleeves as she walked through the Presidium to meet Kaidan. It had taken almost half an hour for her to leave her cabin, and then another 15 minutes to exit the ship. She was glad she hadn’t eaten, because her stomach was tying itself in such violent knots that she wouldn’t have kept it down.
As she approached and saw Kaidan sat at an empty table, she almost turned around and walked right back to the dock, but he caught her eye and waved her over with a smile.
Shit. No backing out now.
If he was nervous, it didn't show. He made a joke as soon as she sat down, and they spent the next 20 minutes talking about nothing in particular and laughing like they didn’t have a care in the world. Audrey even felt herself starting to relax. She could honestly sit here and listen to his dulcet tones for hours, washing over her like a soft wave. He still had such a calming and grounding effect on her after all this time. She didn’t know what she would do without him.
Then Kaidan said the words she had been dreading, and everything came crashing back down around her.
"I wonder about us."
"Us?" Audrey asked. Her palms began to sweat, her mouth was dry, and she felt nerves prickle up the back of her neck. No way to avoid it any longer. Here it came.
"I love you, Audrey," Kaidan replied, simply, giving her a little helpless smile.
Audrey blinked, heart soaring, but then she quickly stifled the feeling. There was going to be a but. There was always a but.
"I always have. It's always been you, ever since our first days on the Normandy together. But right now, I have no idea where we stand.”
There it was. Audrey bit back tears and held her breath, bracing herself for the inevitable.
“I want to understand what… this is. What there is between us, and make it real. When I was in hospital, you said we were alright, about your time with Cerberus, that it was behind us. And it might be stupid, but knowing that made me hope that maybe we could save what else we had together. I want you. To be with you. Always." He shrugged, like he didn't know what else to say, and met her gaze. "What about you?"
Audrey didn't respond for a moment, too overcome with joy to form words. She had never been so delighted to be wrong in all her life. He loved her. He still wanted to be with her. She could still be with him. The tears that she had been fighting back started to run down her cheeks and she beamed at Kaidan, letting out a breathless little laugh before managing to compose herself, and reaching across the table to take his hand.
"I love you too, Kaidan," she said, voice thick with emotion. "For so long, I've loved you. And I've tried to keep it hidden. Put the mission first. Always telling myself there'll be a later. A time to give in. But I don't want to bury what I feel for you anymore. I don't want to be without you. If the end of the world is coming, I want to be holding your hand."
"And that," Kaidan said, raising the hand in his to press against his cheek, "makes me so happy." He turned to kiss her palm, and Audrey felt almost giddy with happiness. For one, shining moment, she felt all of her fears about the Reapers melt away. Nothing mattered except the beautiful, perfect man in front of her.
She leaned across the table to kiss him, eyes fluttering shut. When their lips pressed together — feather-light, almost tentative, neither wanting to push the other — Kaidan was smiling.
"I've been waiting to kiss you again for so long, Audrey." He murmured, not pulling away. Normally she'd be more conscious about being so affectionate in public, especially in uniform, but right now, she didn't care.
"Me too," she replied, nudging his nose with hers and humming contentedly.
"It's been so long, I had almost given up hope…"
"Well, allow me to ease your fears," Audrey said, grinning playfully and kissing him a little harder, nipping at his lower lip.
Kaidan moaned quietly, then jumped, pulling away in surprise and blushing furiously. He cleared his throat and Audrey giggled at how easy it was to fluster him.
"Audrey, we're in the Presidium!"
"So?"
Kaidan squeezed her hand and shook his head affectionately. "There are benefits to being properly together again, Audrey, but…"
"But…?" Audrey repeated, being deliberately coy.
"But can we at least get back to the Normandy? I'd much rather continue this conversation in your quarters."
"What about lunch?"
"Well, if you'd rather have the steak…" Kaidan went to signal the waiter and Audrey yanked his arm down, pulling him back in for another kiss. Both of them started laughing, and it felt so natural to rest her head on his shoulder. It was hard to imagine being with anyone else.
* * * * *
They made their way back to the Normandy, avoiding main thoroughfares and stealing kisses at every opportunity. Audrey's cheeks hurt from smiling. Kaidan didn't let go of her hand for a moment. They passed a few familiar faces, but no-one that could cause real trouble until—
"Shit-shit-shit, it's Joker! Hide!"
Kaidan yanked Audrey into a dark corner behind an ad pole and tucked her in against his chest. It was so warm and safe in his arms, and somehow he’d got even broader since she’d last been pressed against his chest, but she couldn't fully appreciate it when both of them were giggling like naughty school children.
They crept onto the Normandy as quietly as possible, wincing at the very loud decontamination VI announcement, and hoping that they wouldn’t run into anyone on their way up to Audrey’s cabin.
Thankfully, whatever God was listening answered their prayers and the ship was virtually empty, crew taking full advantage of shore leave. They heard footsteps as they crossed the CIC and froze, but it was only Holly, who was engrossed in a datapad as she left the main battery.
She looked up and as her eyes flicked between Audrey and Kaidan, their expressions and flushed cheeks, her eyebrows raised dramatically and she caught Audrey’s eye, as if to wordlessly ask her to confirm that this was in fact, exactly what it looked like. Audrey almost snorted, and nodded.
“Oh would you look at that, Garrus just sent me a message asking me to join him for drinks at Molotov. How convenient and well-timed.” Holly beamed and winked at the pair of them before making a quick departure. It was only a few seconds before both Audrey and Kaidan got identical messages flash up on their omnitools.
Have fun!
Kaidan rolled his eyes affectionately as he pulled Audrey into the elevator. “She’s ridiculous.”
Audrey chuckled, and leaned up to kiss him again. “She is, but I have more important things to think about than that…” She let one of her hands trail downwards and Kaidan gasped.
“Jesus, Audrey…”
She smirked, but it was wiped off her face as the doors opened and Kaidan picked her up like she weighed nothing and carried her across the cabin to drop her onto the bed.
He grinned at her obvious surprise. “Been working on my arms with Vega. You’re welcome.”
Audrey propped herself as Kaidan climbed onto the bed with her, chuckling as he leaned in to kiss her again.
“I love you,” she murmured, almost as if to check this wasn’t a dream, or an elaborate prank.
“I love you too, Audrey Shepard. So, so much.”
Audrey smiled. If it was going to be the end of the world, she thought, as his lips started to travel across her jaw and down her neck, then this was definitely her preferred way to go out.
