But imagine what amazing fantastic friends Alma and Lenalee would be-
So assume an Alma Lives AU, where Alma still slaughtered the rest of the lab but didn’t go as far as killing Kanda too, where the Order was too desperate to dispose of any exorcist at all, even one who’d done something like that, where Kanda and Alma are at once so much closer and so much more fractured than they were before.
And Lenalee, hating God, hating Innocence and the Order, with so much defiance and anger and fear, hears things. Nothing concrete, nothing that would reveal the true nature of the Order, at least not more than she knows already. But things- she sees the way some people, the most important people, avoid Alma, the way they give them looks, sometimes talk about them as if they aren’t there. She hears rumors of rebellion and violence.
And Lenalee, with the beginnings of what would become a complete apathy towards all but her chosen family, is fascinated, the way an open flame or a distant mirage might fascinate her.
In turn, Alma is still simmering with anger; it never went away. A year spent mostly away from the Order, with the kindness of Tiedoll and the wonder of the open world and Kanda, hasn’t changed that. In time, it gets worse.
They meet Lenalee at the same time Kanda does, and Kanda doesn’t notice right away but Alma does - Alma notices the way Lenalee shies away from the CROW, notices her fear, recognizes the resentment, tucked away and secret.
It’s something Alma themself has, something Kanda has, and Marie, and Alma adopts Lenalee almost immediately. (If Tiedoll has it, or Daisya, Alma has never seen it, but they love them anyway. Just- not the same.)
And they notice the way Lenalee gets worse and worse every time they see her, just once every few months, then every few weeks, then days at a time as Tiedoll carefully settles the two of them back into the Order, where Alma can see Lenalee trying to run, to flee without fighting, can see the way she’s burning from the inside out.
It’s Alma who begins to comfort Lenalee when she cries, Alma who hears Lenalee’s whispered confessions, secrets she’s never told before. It’s Lenalee who shows Alma the best places to hide, Lenalee who weathers Alma’s enraged but quiet rants and threats (not directed at her, never directed at her) with understanding instead of confusion and uncertainty and hurt, always a little bit of hurt because Alma almost went too far.
(Kanda herds them both away and snarls the CROW out of the room, and Kanda paces angrily and rips at his hair when they’re crying so hard they start to laugh, and Kanda listens and grumbles and bites at his hand, but always always listens.)
It spills over one day, when Lenalee is crying too hard and won’t calm down, when she’s saying frightening things that Alma understands too much, bruised and bloody and hysterical, and Alma is- angry. So angry.
They’re still no match for the CROW. They still try, and bones break, and Alma burns, and Lenalee gets too close and Alma goes just a little too far again, because they just. Don’t think when they’re angry, and Lenalee was saying. Things.
And Alma is locked away and Lenalee is tied down and Alma realizes that it’s not working, it’s too much or not enough and Alma is doing something wrong, clearly, but-
And Komui comes and introduces himself as Lenalee’s brother, and then thanks him (them, they say, and they don’t know when they decided that but it doesn’t matter, and he doesn’t miss a beat) for looking out for Lenalee, them and Kanda.
When Lenalee gets better, when Lenalee seems herself again, she looks at Alma and she says, “I can’t die. I have to be strong for my brother.”
Author: liketolaugh
Summary: Kanda thinks of Tiedoll more than he lets on, Allen has always wanted a family, and Link is worried. Or: three idiots raise some kids together.
The war ends when Allen is seventeen, by which time it’s been winding down for half a year already.
It ends not at a battlefield, but at a table. Allen, Komui, and Link are on one side, and the Earl, Sheryl, and Road are on the other. Inside Allen’s mind, Neah is watching everything, suspicious and wary, and just as hesitantly hopeful as any of the exorcists.
Lavi is at the end of the table, watching them with eyes that never forget.
It isn’t easy; it never was. They trade the unbound Innocences for all the akuma in the world – the Earl tries to ask for all Innocences, but one glance at Allen’s arm and he changes his mind. They agree to burn all the research on dark matter and Innocence, and the Earl will destroy the egg.
Step by step, they try to erase the war from the world, because if there’s one thing both sides can agree on, it’s that family is more important than anything.
Komui leads negotiations and Allen plays diplomat, and Link, tracking everything, makes sure nothing gets forgotten.
Allen watches the other side, mostly. The Earl – not Mana, never Mana, but a fatherly and loving man in his own right – looked tired, dispirited but not unhappy. Sheryl was focused, but disinterested in the proceedings, and Allen thought he was only on board because of Road, who looked more genuinely, quietly pleased than Allen had ever seen her before.
She met his eyes and gave him a wink, a soft smile on her face, and he gave her a small, happy one in return, reaching up to run his fingers through his hair.
When they finally finish, all in writing – Sheryl and Link both insisted – the Earl and Komui shake hands, and they both look tired but satisfied. The Earl, in fact, has tears in his eyes, and knowing Komui he wasn’t far off either.
The Earl looks at Road and asks, “Are you happy now, sweetheart?” in a voice that makes Allen’s heart ache.
Road’s mouth stretches into her usual bright and mischievous grin and she chirps, “I don’t know, is Allen going to start a family now?”
Link chokes. Allen suspects that was what Road was hoping for.
Allen doesn’t start a family right away. His own still needs time to recover.
The transition out of Headquarters is abrupt; the exorcists never were much for taking things slow. Most of them relocate to the same area, different parts of a town in England, not too far apart and not too close together.
Allen, Link, and Kanda choose to live together. The relationship is still new, because none of them dared step forward until the war started to draw to a close, and there are good days and bad days, often set to the rhythm of nightmares and memories.
(“I was never loyal enough,” Link says once, and Allen doesn’t know whether he’s talking about Leverrier or Neah, but Kanda snaps, “You’re the most loyal fucking person I know,” and Link almost laughs even though he’s nearly crying.)
(Another time, Allen brings himself to tears trying to sort through Mana and Neah and father and friend and Red, and Kanda and Link make excuses to stay around him the whole night long without demanding his attention.)
A few months after the ceasefire becomes official, Allen’s cycle turns regular for the first time in his memory, and when he tells Kanda, Kanda makes an irritated noise at him and rolls his eyes when he laughs. When he tells Link, Link considers dragging him to a doctor even though it’s a good thing.
It takes a while, but all of them find jobs they like. Link, almost as used to paperwork as to fighting, hesitates over becoming a clergyman but quickly takes to working as a clerk. Kanda works in a factory at first, but grows fed up with it and switches to construction work.
(“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing here,” Kanda says once, and he sounds so bitter. Link says, “Neither do I,” and Allen laughs so hard he nearly falls. When he catches his breath, he gasps out, “We’re such idiots,” and he’s maybe crying but he isn’t sure.)
For a while, Allen thinks wistfully of becoming an entertainer again, but barring those few months on the run, it’s been years, and he’s not the same person anymore. Eventually, he makes friends with a market owner and ends up working for him.
The Noah visit – tentatively, at first, as unsure as they get, but eventually they become regulars. At the Kanda-Link-Walker household, they mostly see Tyki and Road and the Earl, but Allen knows Jasdevi visits Lenalee, Sheryl fawns over Timothy, and Lulubell has become good friends with Miranda.
Kanda complains and Link is free with his reservations, but Allen is reaching back as soon as it becomes clear the Noah really won’t hurt anyone, and in the end they don’t try too hard to resist.
(“Your father would have been proud,” the Earl says once, and Allen scrubs at his eyes but it doesn’t keep him from crying. His relationship with the Earl is odd, but it isn’t awkward, anymore. It’s even… good.)
(Cross shows up six months late and tells Allen he fucked everything up, and Allen yells at him for half an hour. He thinks it says something that Cross stood there and took it instead of leaving, but he still doesn’t speak to the man again for a week.)
(They don’t see Lavi for eight months after the negotiations end, and then he shows up at Lenalee’s house at three in the morning with a different style and a different haircut, but he still tells her to call him Lavi. He disappears again a week later, but it’s [almost] enough of a reassurance.)
When Allen is twenty, awake in the middle of the night between Kanda and Link, he thinks again about Road said.
“I’d like to have kids,” Allen said abruptly, a ring of wistfulness in his voice and apropos of absolutely nothing.
Across the room, Link dropped the book he was holding, and it tumbled to the ground and closed. Oops. Maybe Allen should have given him a little more warning.
Nah.
A few feet away from Allen, on the opposite end of the couch, Kanda tilted his head and studied Allen for a few moments, and then nodded. “Alright.”
Allen gave him a bright smile and then turned hopeful eyes on Link, who, once he’d retrieved his book and set it aside, looked a lot more worried. When Allen caught his eye, Link asked, on the wrong side of high-pitched, “Now?”
Kanda turned a frown on Link, picking up on the stress in his voice, and Allen tilted his head, smile vanishing.
“I mean…” Allen hesitated, trying to put his thoughts together, gave up, and said, “Soon.”
Link stared at him, eyes still a little overbright with anxiety, and Allen frowned. Kanda was frowning, too, just as confused, and after a few moments, he accused, eyes intent on Link’s,
“You think it’s a bad idea.”
Link’s eyes flashed, and he half-glared back, crossing his arms.
“Can you blame me?” he returned, only just keeping his tone polite. “We’re barely three years out of a war, Kanda. A war in which all of us fought from the time we were children. You and I still keep our weapons with us! What would we know about being parents? Where would we even start?”
Allen flinched, startled and guilty. Link wasn’t wrong, he admitted to himself, but-
“Don’t fucking pretend like none of us learned anything,” Kanda hissed, looking surprisingly outraged for how noncommittal his initial response had been. Allen looked up, startled but, maybe, just a little bit hopeful. “Do you think either of us believes for a goddamn moment that you picked up baking on one of your missions? Or that all of your loyalty to Leverrier came just from gratitude? Fuck off!”
Link was noticeably taken aback, but his eyes were still burning with anger – and it certainly wasn’t helped by the mention of Leverrier – and he might have interrupted if Kanda wasn’t barreling right over him.
“And you’ve heard the goddamn beansprout talk about Mana! Everything before and everything after might’ve been shit, but to hear Allen tell it, Mana was a fucking saint, and if anyone’s gonna pick that up and pass it on it’s fucking Allen, okay?”
Allen elbowed Kanda sharply, and the man jolted and turned a dark scowl on Allen, who gave him a small, grateful grin, more relaxed now, and then turned his attention to Link, who was still hesitating.
“And Kanda had Tiedoll,” Allen finished for Kanda, a lot more gentle, but firm and insistent, unwavering gaze focused on Link. “You know what Tiedoll was like – raising children was practically his entire life.”
Link held his defensive look for a few long moments, but then he exhaled, relaxing just a little. “You both want children, don’t you,” he murmured, not quite a question.
Kanda crossed his arms, scowled, and refused to answer. Link reached up and tugged at the end of his braid, brow still wrinkled; he looked defeated. Allen’s brow creased with concern, and he shifted to Kanda’s other side to be closer to Link.
“It doesn’t have to be now,” he said anxiously, starting to reach for Link’s hand and then stopping himself. Without missing a beat, Link completed the motion for him, grasping his hand gently, and Allen gave him a hesitant, worried smile. “We don’t even have to have babies, Link. There are lots of orphans that want parents. You know there are.”
Link nodded slightly, though the uncertainty remained, his head tilted slightly. “But would they want us?” he asked pointedly.
Allen laughed quietly, bringing Link’s hand up to press against his cheek and giving him a wry smile. “That’s a silly question,” he murmured, knowing full well that both of them would have taken anyone who would have taken them.
Link huffed a little, not disagreeing, and hesitated for a moment before he continued, “That doesn’t mean we’d be good for them.”
It wasn’t harsh, but Allen’s smile faded anyway. Years later, he was able to see and acknowledge the negative effects of his upbringing with Mana had left, though his love hadn’t diminished in the least. And Leverrier- Well, he had no warmth for that man, even if Link did.
Kanda snorted, turning away again. He laced his fingers, frowning at the ground, and set his body rocking back and forth slightly. After a moment, he said, “Whatever. I’m hanging up my sword.”
Kanda had continued to carry his sword everywhere for the three years since the war had ended. Allen let a smile cross his face, and in lieu of a hug, reached over and grabbed one of Kanda’s hands and squeezed. Kanda let him, and relaxed slightly where he sat.
Link sighed, long and soft now, not quite put-upon but still stressed.
“Give me time to think about it,” he said at last.
“Of course,” Allen promised earnestly.
Link smiled wearily and tugged Allen’s hand back with his, turned it over, and pressed a light, chaste kiss to the palm. “I love you.”
Allen beamed. “I love you too.”
The next day, Link went to the library and borrowed a book about raising children. The day after that, taking care of babies. After that, pregnancy.
Meal prep times were filled with bits and scraps of knowledge, dropped absently from Link’s mouth as his mind worked over whatever he’d read that day; most of his free time was spent intently reading, with that little furrow of concentration in his brow.
Allen did his best to spend his time with Kanda and let Link read, which meant that he got to see the effort that Kanda, too, was spending. The very next day, he picked up some supplies from a store and hung his sword on the wall, head-height so it would be hard, Allen reflected, for little arms to reach.
Not only that, but after a while, Allen realized that Kanda had picked up a few books of his own – blueprints for a crib, for a mobile, for a little rocking horse. He looked at them occasionally and scowled at them and lingered, and the few times they went together Kanda glanced at the children’s books and picked them up and glanced over them before he put them back, and he watched children as they passed by, frowning.
Allen was so, so grateful, and God he loved the two of them.
In the meantime, Allen made calls. He hadn’t built as good a relationship with Tiedoll as Link had, but he reached out now, asking for advice. He asked Marie, who had recently celebrated his child’s first birthday with Miranda, and talked to Komui, once upon a time partially responsible for caring for a very young Lenalee. He didn’t tell anyone that they were thinking about having children, but they’d probably guessed anyway.
None of these things, of course, were lost on Link, and Allen knew long before Link told him what his eventual answer would be.
A month later, on a rainy day, Link’s gaze lingered on the window, watching children splash around in the puddles and their parents shake their heads and roll their eyes and wait on the side of the street.
“I used to do this,” he said aloud, absentminded and quiet, “and wish I had a parent like that.”
Allen half-smiled, wry and distant, and hummed. He’d done the same thing, once, but now-
“I think we should try,” Link added, almost as wistful as Allen when he’d first suggested it.
Kanda sighed, and Allen’s eyes went straight to him, startled. But Kanda’s eyes were soft, and a slight smirk quirked his lips.
“Finally,” he murmured. “You oblivious idiot.”
Allen smiled, blinding-bright, and his attention flashed back to Link just to throw his arms around him and kiss him, hard.
“Thank you,” he sighed against Link’s mouth, a laugh at the back of his throat, and even as Link kissed back, he was smiling, too.
“Thank you,” Link countered, when they parted again.
A few months later, at the height of summer, Allen missed his period.
ALSO CONSIDER: Kanda was speaking at first, after they got him from the lab. It was quiet and faltering, and he was shaking and teary, but he listened and spoke and answered questions, And then they started to question him. What happened? Is anyone alive? Why did Alma do what he did? Did he say anything before? Did Kanda help? (They might not have, if they were thinking more clearly, but they're rattled, too.) And he falters more, he quiets, and then he just- Stops. He stops talking, and then stops responding altogether. He doesn't cry, but he rubs at his arms and he rocks, very slightly, in place. And he doesn't speak again for weeks.
I like that you hc Kanda as autistic, it explains why Kanda is always annoyed at Lavi and Allen. The reason? They speak very, very, unnecessarily long sentences and beat the bush around too much for his tastes, it makes Kanda feel stupid and he hates that.
*beam* It’s one of my favorites!
Yeah, that definitely would be frustrating. And let’s be honest, Lavi’s loud. Allen is not as much so, but I like to think that it’s less that Kanda just plain learns to live with Allen’s complication and more that they both accommodate each other because no matter what else goes on between them, they definitely have a good and strong relationship. (Besides, even if Allen does leave a lot unsaid, he also has absolute shit for education. His speech can’t be that complicated.)
I don’t have a good read on Lavi and Kanda, really, so I can’t speak to them so much. *rueful smile* But, I imagine that as Lavi lets more of his natural personality come out, he becomes naturally less loud/obnoxious, and that helps them become a little closer - even if, like Kanda and Allen, it’s always a little antagonistic. (Lavi just finds it too much fun.)
(BPD anon) I just,,, saw your ask about autistic Kanda and the interacting with allen part? omg Im just getting so excited over the fact that both in canon and with our autistic!Kanda/BPD!Allen headcanons, basically no one understands them better than they do each other?? Especially in CC, I've noticed? I mean, Cross understands Allen a little better and Tiedoll, Kanda, but just like,,, aaa idk how to properly explain. But them just, taking care of/handling each other in their bad moments!!(1/2)
(2/2) like, Allen helping Kanda with the Alma information? And I just imagine Kanda helping Allen later when maybe he splits on someone and snaps him out of it? Or if Allen self or gets confused about himself or something? He’d call him out on his bullshit straight out lmao. Just,,, Allen and Kanda being bros that call each other out on their bullshit while being their when they have their bad days bless,,, and people say they aren’t friend lmao okay sure. Sorry I just,, love their relationship
Not gonna lie, this is literally the entirety of how I define their relationship. *smile* I may not ship them romantically, but God, I love them so much. I love them so much. They’re so damn good for each other.
See, they’re both pretty complicated characters, and they just about define the idea of ‘two sides of the same coin’. Different enough to cover each other’s weaknesses, similar enough to understand each other perfectly.
And let’s talk about that second part! Allen can help Kanda with subtleties and is excellent at communication when he wants to be, and even understands Kanda better than Kanda himself does at times, but Kanda? Kanda’s a straightforward man, and when Allen is breaking himself down with the hazy confusion that is his life, he’s gonna cut right through it. Kanda Sees Through Your Bullshit, And He Is Having None Of It. And let’s be honest, Allen needs that in his life.
Gosh, it’s actually been a while since I’ve seen anyone claim they aren’t friends. I just- *gesticulates randomly* No.
Also, just for the hell of it and completely unprompted, I wanna explain exactly what went down when Kanda chose Allen to help him through the Alma thing. (Note that it wasn’t necessarily conscious; Kanda was mostly following his instincts.)
Realistically, Kanda had three options for someone to help him get through that folder - Bucky, Lenalee, or Allen. (He is good friends with Lavi, but I just can’t see them being as close.)
Bucky had no context for the situation, and would worry too much anyway, so he was out.
Lenalee would’ve been a great second choice, but she would have spent most of her energy calming Kanda down; this could be a good thing, but in this case it would mean that Kanda wouldn’t get to experience the emotion fully - he’d be suppressing it.
Allen is passionate and strong-willed, and he understands Kanda real well, as we were just discussing. *smile* Instead of soothing Kanda would pretty words, he’d be able to keep up with him and ride out the wave of wild emotion, and then help him calm down afterwards. Therefore, Kanda would get to vent.
(Also, for real, thanks for marking that ½. I jumped right on this as soon as I saw it was you, and it would’ve been posted before I saw the second part if I hadn’t waited, lmao.)
Gosh, at this point, BPD!Allen and Autistic!Kanda are my special intrests within my special interest (DGM) because I love these headcanons so much,, like, its all I think about whenever I'm thinking about or writing anything involving them??? And whenever I send an ask involving them or read CC and notice Kanda's traits or read any posts even /remotely/ mentioning this, I just... stim to death? Hand Flapping and Leggy Slapping to the Extreme™ lmao (bpd anon yet again, two asks in one night, hi)
Ahhh, I need to work on better incorporating BPD Allen. *covers face* I’m working on the Domestic AU right now and I’ve already had to rewrite parts of it to better include autistic Kanda, but I wanna keep in mind BPD Allen too so now I think I need to do it again. It’s a really good place for it, tbh!!!
Autistic Kanda is legit my favorite headcanon!! Making a point of including it is sometimes difficult because many autistic traits (avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, lack of comprehension [of social cues]) are coded for other things - lying/avoidance, restlessness, and innocence or inattentiveness, respectively. But I think I’m getting better! (Difficulty verbalizing emotions is easiest, because it’s coded as exactly what it is - overwhelming emotion.)
To be honest I haven’t been able to determine whether my special interest is writing, fanfiction, or DGM, but honestly all three of those things are so intertwined for me atm that it really doesn’t matter. *laugh*
(Don’t worry, I love your asks! It’s always nice to see you!)
I just caught up with CC (more like spent last 3 days simply reading it everytime I woke up lmao what is life) and I will probably reread it and comment on things seperately but I saw that an anon was talking about BPD Allen and honestly??? It really would fit so well especially in CC??? After Mana&Being called traitor in his first home&Marlitsa now he gets Steve and Nat who are just trying so hard and good to him and his fire inside is now awakened too so it would fit so well??Oh gosh pls do it
*giggle* Yeah, that’s a long one.
I would really like to do that! It’s a little weird for a tiny kid, but since most of the character arcs I have planned for Allen are relationship arcs anyway, BPD Allen would fit super well, you’re right.
Since I’m going through and editing All Of CC already, and have plans to better incorporate autistic Kanda as well, I’ll certainly make a point of doing that. The changes will be subtle, but damn it they’re going to be there. *grin*
Newest autistic Kanda headcanon (p much just reserved for modern AUs-)
He didn’t used to stim by chewing, but he found this and it made him think of Alma, so he bought it before he could have second thoughts. And then he had it, so he just. Started using it.
