#avoid this post

[validark]

:/

[dat-asslyn]

[ididthistoconfuseyouhahaha]

I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY ABOUT THE END OF KINGS

i knew before i watched it that it had been cancelled, but it looked like they had known early on enough that they were able to give it an actual ending and not leave it hanging at the end of the season.

BUT THEY DID. THEY STORY IS TOTALLY NOT OVER BUT THE SHOW IS AND AARRGGGG. 

someone re-write a happy ending for me please. like where Silas DIES, LIKE EXTRA DEAD DIES. PLEASE. and David can be king because yeah that's what was supposed to happen and we can just fucking kill Cross and his creepy ass son. and Jack does not get stuck in living hell and does not get used by Cross and aaagg he didn't deserve any of this he wasn't supposed to be evil like Silas but they kinda bastardized his character at the end because he was working with Cross and i was so pissed. 

now to add this show to the list of cancelled shows that i need to continue. but this is at the top of that list. 

maybe someone could write a book to finish the story, since it's not coming back to tv. 

:[ 

[dominionatrix]

haha all caught up on schoolwork for now even did extra credit 

too bad I still have two midterms

[mistress-helena]

Hey beautiful! Once you get this message you have to do ten facts about yourself and then send it to ten of your favorite followers!

(I hate you for this. I saw it pop up and knew it would be coming here soon -____-)

1. I have two dogs and will talk about them insistently. 

2. I also have a cat whom is named Chunky. Seriously. Ask anyone.

3. Pride and Prejudice (2005 version) is my favorite movie. Dont like it? Gtfo.

4. I am a pharmacy clerk. I sell drugs for a living. LEGALLY.

5. I probably wont make it all the way to ten facts.

6. I like to play RPG games like Skyrim and Fable and Red Dead Redemption.

7. I’m married.

8. I read books. All the time.

9. I look up a lot except when I’m walking.

10. I will not send this to anyone….

[abagginses]

i a m r e a l l y e m o t i o n a l r i g h t n o w

and tired

um

i didn't get the hardcover pocket moleskin and rolleyball clicker moleskin pen like i wanted 

but i did get an orange journal with quotes in like bubble letters in it

i just feel like i asked for a prismacolor pencil set and got a 12 pack of crayola

but my dad gave it to me, and he also got me a book of american short stories and wrote a note in it that he was proud of me

so

that's really nice

and my mom said there were more presents tomorrow, just like stockings full of candy and a few gifts from my grandmas

perhaps my grandma bought it for me

but i dnk i just really wanted it 

and i was waiting for it so i didn't buy one for myself

its not like moleskins are cheap though

**

s o w h y a m i  c  r   y      i        n         g

these emotions probably have more t o them than a pocket moleskine

i 

dont

know;

its just when i walked in the door my mom had to say my hair looked fluffy and short and then she asked how old dave's kid is now when she never talks to me about dave unless it was that one time she called me and said horrible things to me about us being together

and that was two years ago.

basically the last time she brought him up, it was to tell me she thought dave should be a parent rather than my boyfriend

she doesn't know its a sore subject for me because she never talks to me about my personal life/problems

so

it just put me in a terribly sour mood

then

my dad asked me if i had homework

like what

i'm on break

don't say the word homework to me its an evil evil word

and then we sat in silence for ten minutes drinking coffee

no one asked me how finals went

or if i'm happy and what i've been up to

or why i was being a crab

like

why did they ask me the worst questions ever

when i walked through the door.

before i went to bed my mom asked me what she should get dave for xmas

i know he doesn't want stuff

he wants you to sit and have a conversation with him

but my mom bought sam's new lady something

so she said she felt like getting david something??????

hwo does that even work?? when you spent all night asking sam about her and saying "i love her already" and you refuse to even speak to me about a major part of my life

like

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH THIS

tbh i thought this visit would be manageable, pleasant christmassy things and even maybe fun

the drive was good

i was actually kind of excited and if i never came i wouldn't know it would go like this

its just

wow

like they speak and suppressed feelings erupt

gets me every time

and dave asked why i'm always so nervous to visit them.

but every time i think maybe i can change these relationships for the better

but it gets lost in small talk and long awkward silences

its not like me to give up on something big and important

but its not like they ever, ever call

just to say hey

and then really listen to the answer

and they never have since i moved out six years ago

it used to tear me up inside, their lack of attention

and apparently it still does.

but the first time i went to college, i told them i wished they would call more

i was having a really rough time living on my own

and they did, once, after they said they would every week

so i never bugged them about it again

and went on a crazy-insane-destructive streak for a few years

until dave talked me back from the ledge

and i found out that real love exists.

not my mother's love, which can be manipulative, controlling, judgemental

not my father's love, which can be elusive, passive, and given through merit

not my brother sam's love, which apparently has diminished since i got into a relationship with dave and never even shone until about four years ago

not my brother alex's love, which used to be stronger but remains to be seen recently

because dave's love is eternal, fulfilling, nice, thoughtful, sacrificial, strong, calm, nurturing, healthy

when i'm with him i never feel not good enough

he constantly reminds me that i deserve things like love and happiness

he believes in me and my dreams (even the farfetched ones)

since the first day he's met me he's always been nice to me

he would do any favor i asked even when i dropped all my quarters for laundry down the vent and all my workshirts were dirty he gave me quarters and he said it like "of course i'd loan you some quarters" and i had only known him for a week 

i didn't have a drop of self-love when i met him

love isn't telling your kids they won't be their dreams

or telling them they're fat

like i used to think it was

real love is listening closely, its accepting, its finding beauty in flaws, its letting others be as they are and not as you wish them, its honesty.

i got lost in translation dvd though

i'm going to watch it and fall asleep

**

it wouldn't play in my mac fghfd

so i finished a fic <3 :)

and read this

i just want to say

i feel david saved my life

and

my

family

refuses

to

meet

him 

*

[bring-me-tea-blog]

Do you even just get to a place where you feel like you're in stasis, and nothing will ever change? That despite your best efforts, your attempts to communicate with certain people have amounted to that of fish attempting to speak Hungarian on Mars?

That you are very nearly alone in a very dark universe?

That the ground has rushed away from you, and all that's left is a cold husk trembling in a field of gray, shrouded by your own failings and terrors?