So I've officially decided that no matter how moe Subaru is and how much I love Kondou Takashi, I just have to admit that Ayato's dethroned him and become my number one bias for Dialovers. I mean, CD-wise, I guess Reiji and Subaru are still my favorite CDs, but—
DAMN IT ALL just look at this baby.
I think I'm just drawn to complex characters who have a lot of inner conflict and sometimes do incomprehensible things until you really think about it for a while and then suddenly everything makes sense and the feels hit you like a freight train. Ayato fits that to a T.
But he doesn't even know what he needs to be the best for or what he really intends to do once he's got all that power. It's the same with him and Yui... He enjoys the chase. He constantly hounds her because Yui tries to be all conservative and tsuntsun and continually wards him off. Whenever she stops doing that and tells him that she loves him, he doesn't know what to do. If you look at it, in every situation where Yui stopped resisting and just let Ayato do what he wanted, his attitude was completely different. He only went off the deep end when she rejected him. Not that I'm saying she should just be a doormat or that this justifies his behavior, but it's just—that's how he is. He's like a dog chasing a ball. If you stop throwing it, he won't know what to do with himself. In the Heaven scenes, Yui finally realizes that and so their relationship seems a lot lighter than it did before.
And that just kills me. Ayato is like this brightly burning meteor hurtling itself into the unknown—he has this ultimate goal of being THE BEST, but why? He's killed the person who wanted him to be the best, so why is he still so stuck on it? Even he himself doesn't know the reason. But GOD just his reactions at the end of his second ending... And just in general? He's always telling Yui that she can't reject him. "SHE OF ALL PEOPLE" CANNOT REJECT HIM. Because it's crushing to him. His mother always told him "If you aren't the best, you're not my son". She rejected his very existence. If the second major woman in his life does the same, his ego—his heart can't take it. That what he wants to hear most from Yui is "I love you"... That he wants her to always be close to him and only look at him... It shows how incredibly, painfully insecure he is. The idea of Yui so much as getting up to return a book to Shu is scary because she might not come back, might choose or prioritize someone else over him like his mother did.
At the same time he's constantly saying "AHAHA ORE-SAMA IS THE BEST LOVING ME IS NATURAL AHAHA" he is really thinking: "I treat Yui like shit, she's afraid of me, she doesn't really love me, so if I let her out of my sight, she'll run". That's why he's so surprised when she treats him kindly. Ayato knows what he does to Yui is wrong, he knows it hurts her, but that's all he knows how to do. As he said himself, he doesn't know how to believe in someone. All he knows are force, ridicule, and anger. That's all his mother's "love" ever showed him.
He's got the idea that it doesn't matter if Yui hates him and fears him—that's a very strong feeling (hate lasts longer than love!) and that way he'll be remembered. That's good enough.
Still, he makes little baby steps. In the beginning of their relationship, when Yui helps Shu and later tries to help Kanato and is almost attacked, Ayato punishes her both times. He sees both of these acts as a betrayal and NEVER MIND THAT KANATO IS THE ONE WHO TRIED TO ATTACK HER, IT'S HER FAULT. However, this changes later. When Yui is hit on by Laito in the Ecstasy 10 scene and he even goes so far as to lick her cheek, Ayato saves her. He yells at his brothers, but doesn't blame her. Later in the Heaven scenes, she's attacked by all of the other brothers at once (minus Reiji) and again Ayato saves her. Afterwards he brings her to her room and when I first saw this scene, I was fearing the worst. I was like "UGH he's going to punish her for being put in that situation and she's going to get yelled at", but... He doesn't end up doing that. When Yui shies away from his touch because she's still traumatized by being attacked by the group, Ayato reminds her that they're not here—he's the one here with her.
AND I WAS JUST LIKE.........SLDKfjlsdhglsdjglSEJlksdJF MY FEELINGS... BABY IS LEARNING. ;_; AND I GUESS THAT'S THE THING: AYATO'S JUST A BIG BABY. He's just a brat who doesn't understand what he wants or what he's doing or how to get along with people.
and this post has no point so if you read this far thinking there was one, you've been tricked lskdjflskdfjslf I just wanted to gush.
