Hihii its me aysell , its been a while . I have risen from the trenches of jury and finals weeks . i havet slept or properly ate these last few days due to how intense it was . I'm an architecture student so my sanity goes out the roof. All I could think about was to have patience until I can be free enough to read through your fics because they are so comforting to me .
As you have asked , I have finally returned with new varka brainworms , this time it's more angsty , prolly because my mental health was all over the place the last 2 weeks or so .
The idea started out of an idea about love that never came to a conclusion . What if the reader is a captain in the knights of Favonius , a trusted knight who bears the title of frostlamp knight . an icy protector of mondstat . Despite her vision and gaze as cold as the tallest mountains of snezhnaya , her eyes and heart are full of warmth. Varka and her are inseparable , a team so perfect they never need to communicate , they know before they speak. Reader is part of the knights intelligence network , so she is usually part of secret missions . As Varkas most trusted knight , the reader carries out dangerous duties in the shadows . I have not thought that deep into details yet , but when I do ,I shall send them in !!
The concept is that the reader finds out devastating truths regarding the divine (while investigating the spiral abyss ) and celestia and the abyss( the heavenly principals and their destruction) , as she sees the foreshadowing war of such brutality , she breaks down . she cannot fathom a time so soon to come where her home is in ruins , her people dead , her friends perished and her love covered in so much blood its unclear if its his or someone elses. A truth so earth shattering , its strips away all her warmth into intention and determination . to cause blasphemy so big . but she knows she cannot do anything if she remains with the knights. So i think she will either fake her death or dissapear during a high stakes mission . varka is probably on expedition during this time . so imagine the devastation, the love of his life gone , no trace, nothing as if she does not exist. Everyone in the knights is.devastated. She was an older sister to jean and barbara , a mentor to diluc and kaeya, an almost mother figure to razor and amber , a confidant to rosaria . its ripped the reader 's heart out when she had to leave but she needed to look at the bigger picture , someone needed to go forward . for mondstat as always .
wHAt if the reader ends up in sneznaya , and joins project stuza , what if joins to become a harbinger , resources granted by the tsaritsa would prove to be useful , after all their goals align. What if varka goes insane at the thought of her , where she is she safe , she always comes back , he searches for her everywhere as he travels to nod krai. It's as if she never existed . let me know your thoughts and idea regarding this , i love your ideas
Hi again Aysell! :) Sorry for the wait. First of all, I’m happy to hear that you’re finished with your finals. While my 3D capabilities are not exactly great, I’ve always been fascinated by architecture. :) It sounds incredibly intense though, so I hope you’re finally getting some rest, proper food, and sleep again.
And now. I was so happy to receive more Varka brainworms from you!
Truth is, I’ve been missing Varka a lot again lately. And while I’m currently in a certain Phainon mood, Varka is always somewhere on my mind and in my heart too. He gives me a different kind of comfort and brainrot. :)
So it makes me very happy that you find comfort in my fics for him. Comments like this and the thoughts people send me really motivate me to continue writing for him… well, apart from my own brainrot that tends to make me do it anyway. :D
Ohhh and the angle for your idea is so good.
I really love what you have in mind for Reader here because I’ve often thought about readers who have a more strategic role within Mondstadt. Not cold exactly, but capable of thinking ahead. Someone who is forced to look at the bigger picture.
That fits Varka too. People often focus on his warmth and charisma (understandably so), but canon repeatedly shows that he thinks ahead, prepares for possibilities, builds alliances, and understands the value of information. He’s a leader, yes, but also a planner.
So I can absolutely see him being drawn to someone who understands that side of responsibility. And I love the contrast you created.
Reader who appears cold but is actually incredibly warm. Someone willing to do difficult things because she cares.
Because Varka is very similar in that regard. He is pragmatic. He is capable of making difficult decisions. But underneath all of that there is so much kindness.
I also love the dynamic you described between them.
The trust. The equality. The idea that they know each other so well that words become almost unnecessary. That sort of partnership always speaks to me.
And ohhh, I absolutely love the idea that Reader discovers something while investigating the Abyss.
Because first of all it mirrors Varka in an interesting way. One of the things that fascinated me about his role in canon is that after learning about the potential future shown through the scryglass, he couldn’t simply sit still. He chose to investigate further. He chose action.
So I really like the parallel of Reader finding something equally devastating and reacting to it differently. And it creates so much room for character development.
But I think the part that hurts me the most here is that Reader isn’t leaving because she stops loving Mondstadt.
She’s leaving because she loves it too much. Because from her perspective she has seen something so terrifying, so inevitable, that she becomes willing to sacrifice everything else for even the smallest chance of changing the outcome.
Her home. Her friends. Her position within the Knights. And eventually Varka too.
Which is heartbreaking because those are exactly the things she is trying to protect.
And I think that’s where the tragedy really lives. Because Varka would understand that. Not immediately, of course. At first he would be devastated. Angry. Confused. Searching for answers.
But once he realizes she left because she believed this was the only path forward? I think part of him would hate that she felt she had to carry that burden alone. Because that’s such a Varka thing too.
And that’s why I think they mirror each other so well in your idea.
And ohhhh. The Snezhnaya angle. The Harbinger angle. The absolute desperation on Varka’s side.
I love it.
Side note: During one of my Varka angst phases a couple months ago I actually started writing something vaguely similar. Not exactly this scenario, but Reader was an ex-Fatui agent and Varka found them in Nod-Krai.
It was much more pre-relationship though. Very slow burn. A lot of distrust. A lot of trauma. Almost enemies-to-lovers in spirit. Or perhaps enemies to reluctant allies to something more.
I never posted it because I wasn’t sure where I wanted to take it, so it still lives in my drafts somewhere. :D
But because of that I absolutely understand why your idea fascinates me so much. Because there is something so compelling about people ending up on opposite sides while still wanting fundamentally similar things.
And that is what I keep coming back to here. Because technically Reader and Varka still want the same thing. To protect Mondstadt. To stop the Abyss. To save people.
They’ve simply chosen different paths. And that makes everything so much more painful.
Something else I’m curious about: How much of herself does Reader actually keep after becoming a Harbinger? Because that feels like such an important question.
You describe her as someone warm-hearted despite the icy exterior. Someone who acts from love.
So does she manage to hold onto that warmth all those years later? Or does Varka eventually find her again and realize she has changed in ways that frighten him?
And if she has changed, is there still enough left of the person he loved for them to find each other again? Because that possibility absolutely destroys me.
And you mentioned that this is a love story that never came to a conclusion. So now I’m curious. Would they meet again? Would they become enemies? Would they become reluctant allies? Would this happen before the current Nod-Krai storyline or alongside it?
Because I can imagine Varka feeling betrayed at first. Not because she left but because she didn’t trust him enough to share the burden.
And yet at the same time, he would probably understand exactly why she did it. Which feels very painful and very Varka.
Anyway, I absolutely love this concept.
Please continue sending me your Varka brainworms because they always make me think. :)
Hi girlie pop! Aysel heree .Tysm for putting sm effort into this headcannon i had . seeing you happy made me happy as well. This means so much to me. And also for the snippet i cant thank you enough for feeding us. You legit have magic hands. They were perfect , you broughts/o and varka to life with such accuracy i cant.
Varka is always so interested in whatever s/o does, especially in her line of work . im pretty sure most of the medical knowledge varka has came from s/o who taught him.
“I know your strong , but it does not hurt for one to be careful”
“I worry about you so please for me , make sure to carry this “
“ i wont make you worry , i promise “
Every relationship has ups and downs , I'm sure varka and s/o has gotten into fights regarding varkas carelessness in the battlefield during the start of their friendship and relationship . a little divulging into the reader's background . (a little warning for sad back story and trauma) s/o family is dead . they used to be part of the knights of favonius investigation team. So they would travel a lot around in mondstat . One day during an investigation they were ambushed by the abyss near daudapa gorge .they were injured . The knights who accompanied them were not trained enough in basic first aid . They were too far from the city to call for help. By the time help came , her parents were dead. Its was possible to save them but due to the lack of skills they weren't. When s/o was notified it crushed her. More so because it was possible to save them( the daudapa gorge region wasrich in medicinal herbs ) . The frustration and need to always help started from there. Frederica jeans' mother and decided to take care of her . She and s/o mother were close . Fredericas was the one to teach her the bow and art of defending herself. She suggested she join the knights . but s/o decided she would pursue medicine .
You're so right the age gap provides so much tension between them . ofc varka is a big big gentleman , and would not pursue s/o if she was a minor . when she was older and consenting varka would make a move. There would be hesitance on Varka's side at very first and would definitely suppress his feelings.
The reader takes her work very seriously. To her patients always comes first .( imagine varka and s/o are making out and the reader gets called that someone cut their hand. She would be up and running , while varka is confused and settles into a gentle happy smile ). Death scares the reader , she will do anything and everything to make sure her patient lives. Would go above and beyond to invent a cure if nothing is available. On the days where she makes a mistake or a patient is beyond saving (s/o is human) it hurts her sm . she would sob quietly under her desk in her shop ( a little childhood habit) .varka would know instantly and instead of pushing her to open up to him and come to him he would sit near the desk and wait . The reader doesn't know how to cry, especially in front of others. But she trusts Varka so much . During the start of their kind of relationship which hasn't been declared to each other but they both know it,, the reader with her voice trembling would ask varka if he thought she was weak . varka would shake his head and gently pull her into his embrace . It is like hugging a teddy bear, a very big one. He would assure her how strong she is to feel so greatly. (let me know if i can share nsfw headcannons :3)
About the whole s/o jean diluc kaeya dynamic
s/o and jean are sisters , they grew up side by side , got their first wooden swords together , , went to school together , i have this little headcannon that jean was once bullied by a boy at preschool and s/o punched the boy so hard his milk teeth fell off .they would take care of barbara when she was a baby . s/o is very protective of jean . while s/o is a workaholic too but she knows how one can lose herself .
s/o is kind and gentle when she needs to be , i like to assume when kaeya was first left here in mondstat he would seclude himself and would not interact easily with other kids. he was really shy . s/o marched up to kaeya telling him his eye patch was super cool wanna be besties!!!?. When kaeya and diluc had their great big fight , kaeya was burned severely . s/o ran quickly to begin to heal him .Kaeya I'm pretty sure cried alot that day , it was a painful memory and day for him . He lost his dad and diluc walked away . s/o held his hand the whole time . crepus’s death caused immense pain for s/o as well , another failure where she did not reach on time .
Diluc and s/o were menaces and I mean literal menaces together jean would never find peace with them . young diluc and s/o were always plotting something . Let's put a frog in Adelaide's uniform . They used to play in the grape vines( destroying a few in the process) in dawn winery together chasing while jean and kaeya panicked . let just say s/o mom and crepus gave them both big scolding . Crepus would hold grape picking sessions during harvest season . All four of them would have so much fun. When diluc had gone rogue in his vigilante era , the night he was about to leave s/o went after him . she did not try to stop him instead pulled his hand and gave him a pounch of all kinds of herbs and medicine , bandages and essentials.. Pleaded him to be safe and that mondstat will be waiting … kaeya will be waiting ( im a sucker diluc and kaeya brotherhood).
I like to believe that s/o got her vision when varka was injured during an intense fight , she was performing cpr . it wasnt working . s/o got desperate crying for him to wake up and that he is too cold . heis being to cruel to her right now. At that moment it seemed all water stilled around her ( it was raining) and the water helped restart varkas heart somehow ( i havent really thought how this would work yet ksksk) a hydro vision appears but s/o realises varka is awake . she instantly hugs him tight.
Sksksk kinda wanted to expand s/o so we have a better understanding. I wanted her and varka to represent the theme of careful/ reckless , sword/ shield , impulsive and thorough . They both are like puzzle pieces meant to fit each other. I love talking about these ideas so much. I recently came up with another varka scenario. Ill write it down and send it soon!! The way i was giggling and smiling while writing this my grandmother was like “ kon cheler shathe prem koro “ translated as “ which boy am I being so giggly and lovey dovey with ?” i legit looked at her and said varka straight face , grandma just side eyed me with a judgemental look and went back to watching tv ;-;
Hi again Aysel! :) I’m really happy you enjoyed the reply and the snippets, I had a lot of fun writing them. Your ideas genuinely sparked my inspiration. :)
Thank you so much for sharing all these additional thoughts with me too. They really helped me understand reader and her relationship with Varka better. :)
Reader’s backstory with her parents is so sad, but it also makes a lot of sense to me, especially the part where she learns they theoretically could have been saved. I can absolutely see how that would shape the way she approaches medicine and caring for others.
I also really like how reader got to know Jean, and that Frederica taught her to fight. :)
About the age gap: I definitely agree that Varka would be conflicted at first. I also imagine his perception of reader shifts more and more as he gets to know her properly, and that’s when he realizes his feelings have become something deeper.
What stood out to me most was reader’s determination and devotion to her patients. I really like that Varka is so understanding of that side of her. It feels very in character for him. And the scene you described with reader crying quietly and doubting herself was really impactful. It’s such a good way to show her vulnerability and another side of their relationship dynamic.
Reader’s and Jean’s relationship is also incredibly dear to me from what you described. I love that they share similarities but still balance each other out in different ways, and that reader is so protective of her. :)
And I really loved what you wrote about Kaeya and reader. Kaeya feels much more emotionally reserved underneath his teasing in canon, so moments like that would mean a lot to him. And I especially liked that reader approached him so casually and openly when they were younger. :)
Diluc’s and reader’s dynamic made me laugh out loud. I love that they were absolute menaces together. It shows such a different side of reader, and I like that they can be carefree and chaotic together despite everything they’ve both gone through.
And honestly, the parting scene hurt me a little. I really love that reader doesn’t try to stop him, but instead gives him practical things and quiet support. I think that would mean a lot to him in the state he was in back then.
I also really liked the parallel to Varka leaving for Nod-Krai, because there too she chooses understanding and support over making things harder for him emotionally, even though it clearly hurts.
The moment where reader gets her Vision is also very well thought out. It makes complete sense to me that it would happen during such an intense and desperate moment.
And the way you described reader’s dynamic with Varka really does capture the contrasts you mentioned. It’s not completely black and white of course, but they clearly balance and complement each other in a really beautiful way. Like you said: puzzle pieces. :)
And I loved the anecdote with your grandmother at the end. It genuinely made me smile. Your reaction was very relatable btw. :D
And please absolutely send me the other Varka scenario or any other ideas you have! I’m very curious. Both because you describe things so vividly and because I genuinely can never get enough of Varka brainrot. :D
Thanks again for sharing all of this with me. It was genuinely so lovely and exciting to read. :)
