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I don't deserve love. I don't deserve empathy or sympathy from people. I don't deserve the care and kindness everyone shows me. I deserve the worst, the bad, the ugly kind of thing. Because I am totally made by the monsters and concrete and love didn't exist there.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and think "how can a person be this disgusting ? I mean how do I manage to be so ugly both from outside and inside ? Why do I never care for someone's feelings ? Why am I so emotionless, idiotic, irritating and egoistic person ? Like why and how?"
This is for u @alhad-maharani didi 🎀
Please don't judge my handwriting 🥲
@talesinmyhead040122 aap bhi bolo kaisa hua hai
Mujhe kaanch ki chudiya gift karne wala chahiye 🥲🥲
You know what the worst feeling is ? It is when you don't feel like doing the one you love doing, don't want to talk to that one person you love the most, your favourite dishes doesn't give you that same excitement anymore, even the place where you drifted into deep slumber doesn't feel comfortable enough now, you wear those same kind of clothes because you don't want to make yourself look beautiful and you hurt those people who actually care for you and love you. Why does this happen ? And why does this feeling stays for such a long time ? It feels like you have the body but not the soul, you don't want to live but you don't wanna die either. It's such a confusing situation and it gives such a sick feeling in the stomach which cannot be explained in words.
Me and my mother were working while listening "Na re na" (it's a bengali song) in the speaker and suddenly she said, "one day when you'll marry Shubman, this will be your entry song". She is adding to my imaginary scenarios man 😭😭
From which one should I post next ?
(P.S. - please do not judge me with the spelling of birth. I accidentally misspelled it and now I cannot edit it)
The only person who can make my mother cry is me. Only me. Now tell me everyone who told me that I deserve love, do I really deserve this life ?
