so. I don't think I'll ever finish this fic. a) I lost the motivation to continue it, and I don't want to force myself to keep going. b) even if I did continue it, I don't know where I'd go with it. so, without further ado;
Coma!Buck canon divergence! AKA Eddie's in the coma dream!
"Can you help me find my dad?"
Buck hesitates, his feet slowing for just a second, but it's enough to second-guess himself. He needs you, a voice in his head says, Needs your help. Help him, Evan.
He looks toward the direction he was going, and can't remember why he was running in the first place. Weird. He looks at Christopher and decides to help. It's what he does. Fix things.
He smiles. "Sure, bud. C'mon."
Christopher walks in front of him, Buck's footsteps falling into sync with his instantly. The hospital hallways twist and turn, but it doesn't seem to bother Chris. They walk in silence, and Buck stops walking to let Christopher get a little ahead. That's when he notices the boy's shirt flickering. One moment, he's wearing a dark blue jacket over a striped shirt, the next, he's wearing a white and yellow striped long-sleeve. The latter is soaked through with water. Buck's ears start to ring.
He spins, looking for who yelled his name. It sounded like Eddie, but he'd never heard so much panic in Eddie's voice before. The hallway behind him is empty, but every single door is spattered with blood. Noise comes from all around him, voices yelling; "Firefighter down!", "A firefighter's been shot!", "Thirty feet of wet earth, coming right down on top of him.", "We'll do our best.", "Are you hurt?" "Can you hear me?!" until it's all too much for Buck to handle.
He stumbles, catching himself on the wall. Christopher sits in front of him, on a bed that doesn't belong in a hospital, wearing a green flannel button-up. "Hey, Buck," He says. Something in his head is yelling no no no wrong wrong WRONG. Buck sinks to his knees.
Now Buck can taste something distinctly metallic on his tongue. Eddie's blood, he realizes. He's wearing that damn white shirt, the one he threw out in this same hospital over a year ago. Eddie's blood sticks to him, in little dots. Half his face is covered in those dots. Christopher shouldn't be seeing him like this.
He turns away, When did he stand? He can't remember, and finds that the hospital has shifted so that he's inside a room. Doctors and nurses are moving around quickly, trying to patch up someone on a gurney. Buck moves out of their way, but still, a nurse clips his shoulder. "Ah, sorry I-" Buck stops mid-apology when he recognizes her face.
Everyone in the room stops moving. Looking around, Buck notices other familiar faces on the medical staff. The doctor holding wads of blood-soaked gauze is wearing Ali's face. A nurse by the door looks like Abby. The one bringing in fresh gauze resembles Connor. In the middle of it all, on the gurney, is Eddie.
Buck breathes, and everything falls back into motion.
He rushes forward, grabbing gauze from Not-Connor. He practically throws himself onto the gurney, looking for the source of the blood, of Eddie's pain, but all he can see is red. The others don't even try to tell him to stop.
Buck feels for something, anything, that would reveal itself as a wound. "C'mon, Eds, please. Come back. I need you." He puts a hand on Eddie's face, leaving behind a bloody handprint. Eddie's eyes snap open, and Buck can swear his heart stops.
"Hey, Buck. Good to see you." Eddie's voice sounds off, sounds far too calm for their current situation, but Buck can't bring himself to care. The bleeding's stopped. He's okay. He throws his arms around Eddie's neck and pulls him in for a hug. He fights the lump in his throat so they can actually talk, but when he pulls away, he feels himself sink ever so slightly. No, no no- He looks down to see he's knee-deep in mud.
Eddie doesn't look very worried for a man almost entirely buried in mud. Buck panics, trying to pull Eddie out. The hospital room is gone, replaced by an open area. Around him is his family, the 118, looking on as Buck struggles. Eddie says something, so quiet Buck barely hears it. He leans in to hear better.
"I'm still alive down here!"
Rain starts pelting him. It soaks through his shirt. The blood that dried in it starts to run. He's stuck in the mud, watching in horror as Eddie sinks in further. "No! Eddie! Please-" Buck screams as Eddie sinks completely. He claws at the ground, feeling himself sink deeper. He looks at his family, his eyes pleading for them to help, but all they do is stare. He's almost neck-deep when he hears an echo of his own voice saying, "Wait. You all think he's dead." Bobby stares into space as he responds, "Nobody thinks that." Chimney has the same look on his face when he says, "We just don't know how to get him out." Buck is completely buried when Hen says, "Nobody's giving up, Buck. Nobody. We're gonna find him."
When Buck opens his eyes again, he doesn’t know where he is. It's like he's in an empty space. There's no visible light source, but he can see completely fine. It doesn't make any sense. When he was with Maddie, and later with Hen and Chimney, everything, sans Doug, seemed plausible. Like it was a normal, albeit weird, day. But with Eddie, it's like he's just reliving his greatest regrets and traumatic events, one after another.
The shirt clings to him, half-dry already.
Buck hears an echo of footsteps, and turns to find himself facing Eddie. "Buck?" He asks, "What are you doing here? Are you okay?" Words stick in Buck's throat. He's vaguely aware of a stinging pain, reminders of scratches that took two weeks to heal after the tsunami. "Eddie-" "Where's Christopher?" There's a roaring in his ears, a noise of chaos that he can hear, but can't see.
"Eddie." It's a plea this time. For him to understand. Buck feels like his windpipe is collapsing. Eddie still doesn't get it, or maybe he does, but he's denying it. "Why do you have his glasses?" There's something in Eddie's voice that kills Buck.
"I'm sorry." Is all he says. Tears roll down his face. "I'm sorry," he repeats, over and over and over, but no apology can bring back someone's kid. His best friend's kid. His kid.
"Oh, you're sorry? Sorry isn't gonna cut it, Buck. You lost my kid. How can I ever forgive something like that?!" Eddie's angry now, and rightfully so. But this isn't how it went. Right? "Eddie-" He starts again. "No, Buck. You don't get to try and apologize. Do you know what this is doing to us? Wake up, damn it!"
Eddie rolls his eyes, closing the distance between them. His nose is inches from Buck's. "You heard me." He shoves at Buck's chest. Buck stumbles, not even trying to catch himself. He hits the floor hard. "Eddie, I-I have no idea what you're talking about." He uses his hands to push himself backwards, scraping his palms on asphalt as Eddie keeps walking towards him. Asphalt? Where am I now? Eddie grabs the front of his shirt, lifting him up. "I need you. I need you to understand." Eddie's voice breaks. His hands find Buck's. "I need you to wake up. You can't die. You hear me? Chris needs you, hell, we all need you. Wake up. Please."
Buck pulls away from his grip. He walks backwards slowly. "You're not making any sense, Eds. I'm here." Buildings start to take shape in the void, and they look incredibly familiar. Buck hits something solid. Metal, feels like. Eddie starts to change before his eyes. His hair grows longer, the bags under his eyes fade, he stands straighter. Buck turns away from Eddie as the sun shines bright in his eyes. “Wake up, Buck. I need you.” A second, unseen person interrupts.
“Diaz, you wanna ride with the kid to the hospital?”
The pieces start to fall into place. He knows what's coming. But still, he tries to stop it. “No. No- Eddie, move-!” Eddie makes eye contact with Buck as he speaks. “Yeah, that'd be gre-” “No!” A shot rings out just as Buck shoves Eddie out of the way. The bullet hits him anyway, tearing a hole through Eddie's chest and Buck's shoulder. Both scream in pain.
They don't hit the floor like Buck expected them too. They hit something soft. Buck sits up, realizing with horror that they're back in the hospital room from earlier, on the gurney. His shoulder stops hurting.
“Two firefighters shot! Not much is known at this time, but one of them has so much to live for, and the other keeps failing to fix things and can't save the people he loves! How sad! I'm Taylor Kelly, signing off!” “Clear!”
Electricity burns through him, and he screams.
Memories flood his brain, memories of the shooting, the well collapse, the tsunami. Eddie bleeds under him. His blood pools onto the floor. Buck sees the rain, remembers the way he felt when he was hanging like a rag-doll. Remembers Eddie futilely trying to pull his dead body back up to the ladder. He sobs. Hands pull at him, yanking him off of the gurney, off and away from Eddie. Connor packs gauze into Eddie's wound.
“No!” Buck screams, fighting against the people separating him from Eddie. I can't let him die. Just as he breaks free, Eddie gasps, sitting up in the gurney. “Buck? What are you doing here? Are you okay?” He asks. Buck shakes his head. “Eddie- Eddie, listen-” He takes a step forward, and water begins to rise. It flows quickly.
By the time Buck reaches the gurney, the water is up to his chest.
Eddie sits on the gurney, watching Buck come closer. “That's a lot of water,” he remarks. Buck glares up at him. “Oh, really? Is it?” Out of the corner of his eye, Buck swears he sees a small body floating toward him, wearing the same clothes Chris had on at the pier. He ignores it. It's not real. It's not real. It's not- “Buck!”
Buck spins. That's Chris's voice. That's him! He needs help! “Chris?! Christopher?! Where are you?” He's treading water already, one hand gripping the gurney to anchor himself. The blood on his shirt drains into the water, coloring it red. Eddie leans forward, his mouth close to Buck's ear.
