May 15, 2016
New on the blog today: a new band from Minneapolis featuring members of B Arthur, Rag Rage and Babe Quest. Melodic punk and hot licks for days.
seen from Türkiye
seen from Indonesia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Sweden
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Türkiye
seen from Brazil
seen from Singapore
seen from Switzerland
seen from Türkiye
seen from Indonesia
seen from Germany
seen from Kazakhstan
seen from Egypt
New on the blog today: a new band from Minneapolis featuring members of B Arthur, Rag Rage and Babe Quest. Melodic punk and hot licks for days.
Travel the world. Jump in puddles. Buy yourself flowers. Or stay home, pretend you’re in a cold place, and listen to this podcast. The world is a really cool place sometimes, and this podcast is inspired by some of my favorite places in Europe that I’ve been or places where some of my friends are from. Europe taught me that a song in German can be my favorite song, even if I have no idea what anything means. Being in Europe exposed me to a new side of punk and DIY that I never imagined I’d experience firsthand. This playlist feeds my fernweh. -Shereen Lisa Dudar
download link!
Tracklisting: Gagarin, “Sklo” (Mercur) --- Inner Conflict, “Lauter als die Angst” (Self-released) Thundermother, “It’s Just a Tease” (Despotz) The High Hats, “I’m Doing Fine” (Alleycat) --- Miscalculations, “Live with Myself” (No Front Teeth) Shizune, “Un Telefono Che Non Squilla” (Dog Knights/Driftwood) Fuck, It’s Pronounced Shit; “It's Not The Size of Your Penis That Matters, It's How Big It Is” (Self-released) --- Bitpart, “Drifting Away” (Self-released) Scourge Of Ians, "Minimum," E.P.(Self-released) Tin Vulva, "Catcall," TV Mixtape --- Babe Quest, "The Wait," Single No Ditching, "I Should Read in Bed, I Watch GG Instead," Face Ache Trophy Wife, “Breakdown,” All the Sides --- Les Butcherettes, "My Child," Cry Is for the Flies Genders, "Technicolor Vision," Get Lost --- The Billie Idles, "Desperate Bird" Everything Was Cliché and Nothing Was Original (http://tomgrrrl.bandcamp.com/album/the-billie-idles)
Babe Quest
Babe Quest
Written by Maeve McDonough
Setting: Alex's basement, Arthur's yard.
KYLE: But come on, man. It’s the principle that truly matters.
CORINNE: That’s not even a sensible way to go about things. They’ll kick you out.
ALEX: Everybody knows the best time to slay a level 16 night elf noob is after you buy all of his wool. That way you get his wool, his money, your money, and the satisfaction of knowing you’re a great businessman backslash vicious killer!
KYLE: Well, I guess I see your point.
ALEX: Kyle, as much fun as it is pwning your butt about the logistics of World of Warcraft, I’m getting sick of it. We need to find something else to do.
KYLE: Like what?
ALEX: Girls!
CORINNE: But I’m a girl.
ALEX: Real girls. They’re missing out on Alex the Incredible Alpha Male Make All Your Dreams Come True Turner. The third.
KYLE: You carry around a wand you whittled out of dragon wood!
ALEX: Avada ka-shut up!
CORINNE: Okay, stop. I sort of understand what he’s saying. We’re, like, thirteen years old. It won’t be long until we’re married.
KYLE: (Under his breath) To you, with any luck.
ALEX: You need to test the waters before you dive right in. You don’t just pick up a babe the day of your wedding. You practice. Well, you practice. I don’t need it.
KYLE: You have a lot of practice lying-
ALEX: -Down with the ladies!
CORINNE: What if each of you tells me your best pick up lines and then I’ll decide who’s better at talking to girls. It’ll be like I’m Princess Peach and you’re Mario and Luigi!
ALEX: Incorrect reference! And not that I wanna even go near her, or anything, Kyle, but I would win.
KYLE: Would you use the pick up lines you’ve practiced on your dog?
ALEX: If it would make her pick me, yes. Yes I would. I would use all the stuff I practice on my dog with her.
CORINNE: I need to go home for dinner, now. I’ll see you guys later!
KYLE: Bye, Corinne. See you tomorrow!
Exit CORRINE
KYLE (Cont'd): You’re such a major noobzor. You don’t know anything about talking to girls. Especially ones like her.
ALEX: Care to make this more interesting? How about this-whoever Corinne picks gets all the loser’s possessions from World of Warcraft.
KYLE: Everything?
ALEX: Everything. Machetes, ventriloquist dolls, violins, slippers. Everything.
KYLE: But I was saving up for to...attain a vanquisher token for Corinne.
ALEX: What?
KYLE: Fine. Deal. Shake on it. (Extends his hand).
ALEX: (Licks hand, then extends it).
NARRATOR: TRANSITION!
KYLE: Hey, Arthur. Since you’re the only guy on the football team with asthma, I knew I could ask you for help because if you don’t I’ll…tell the coach!
ARTHUR: (Breathes in his inhaler) I told you that in confidence! Okay! But what do you need?
KYLE: I need your help winning a contest.
ARTHUR: I’m a master contest winner, bro. What’s the challenge? Push ups? One handed high fives? Distance eating?
KYLE: Alex and I each try to impress Corinne, and then she’ll decide who’s better at talking to girls.
ARTHUR: Nabroleon Bronaparte! I know all about the ladies. First rule-always insult her. Put her down for personal things she can’t control.
KYLE: Like being a girl?
ARTHUR: Yes. And most important rule-constantly try to impress her. Compliment her, even if it’s a lie.
KYLE: Oh, I’d never lie to her-
ARTHUR: -Don’t go soft on me!
KYLE: Uh, okay, so I want to insult her, and compliment her?
ARTHUR: It’s like fish, Ayatollah Bromehini! Reel it in, and throw it back! Or take all the things you’d normally talk about, and turn them into stuff she’d like.
KYLE: I know she likes World of Warcraft, the zoo, Jesse McCartney’s hair with Aaron Carter’s face...
ARTHUR: It doesn’t matter what she really likes. It only matters what you like.
KYLE: So what do you mean?
ARTHUR: Here’s how it goes, Home De-bro, you’ve got your football, basketball, soccer-and you turn it into chick sports like mopping and sweeping and baking!
KYLE: Well that’s almost ignorant to say when the 15th amendment-
ARTHUR: -Now try it!
KYLE: Oh, well, I haven’t had time to study, but-
ARTHUR: -GO!
KYLE: (Straightens up and starts yelling-terrified) Corinne, I think you’re so pretty and wonderful and ever since you joined our guild I knew we’d be together forever! Puberty has been good to you thus far! (Stops abruptly and pulls back into normal self).
ARTHUR: Uh...Wha...Hmmmm...A little less yelling, a little more insulting, and overall, never use the word ‘puberty.’ As of right now, you sound like you probably have some sort of murder dungeon in your basement! Now do it again!
KYLE: Excuse me, miss. I couldn’t help but notice that you’re beneath me in society. But that’s okay because at least you found your niche mopping the floor, which sparkles like your eyes.
ARTHUR: That’s perfect!
KYLE: Are you sure because-
ARTHUR: -Bro V. Wade! There’s one thing I know in this world, and it’s babes. So trust me! Bro for it! Just tweak these major aspects of your personality and who knows! One day, you could be as big of a ladies man as yours truly. Okay, Broseidon, king of the brocean. Practice all the way home!
KYLE: All the way home. Reel it in and throw it back. (Fishing action)You’re so pretty...in the dark...No! It just doesn’t feel right!
ALEX: (Talking on a bluetooth) Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. Ya, I’ll call you back later. (Turns to Kyle)
KYLE: Were you talking to your mom on your Bluetooth?
ALEX: No. I was talking to your mom.
KYLE: Alex, I don’t wanna do this contest anymore. It’s dumb and stupid and I don’t want to hurt her feelings and-
ALEX: -I’d have so much more respect for you if you’d just admitted defeat in battle.
CORINNE: Okay guys! How are the pick up lines coming?
ALEX: Well, I don’t know about Lt. Sissywoman over here, but I’m ready to win.
CORINNE: Okay then, go ahead.
ALEX: Step aside for number one, please. Get your typing fingers ready, Kyle. You’ve got a long day of transferring your belongings to me. (Turns to Corinne) Hey there, I’m Mr. Right and yes, I did notice you. Giant polar bear! What? It’s an icebreaker. Brrrr. My name is Alex, but you can call me later (makes phone hand gesture using a rotary dial). If I were sine squared and you were cosine squared, together we could be one. Hold on a second, I have a phone call (picks up phone) yeah, I’d definitely say, like, a 6. Maybe a 7 and half in a dim lighting.
CORINNE: A 7 and a half?!
ALEX: (To Kyle) And that is how it’s done. Your turn to lose, Kyle. But first you should call your mommy and tell her to have all your blankies ready for you.
KYLE: (Under his breath, building) She probably should because Corinne will never speak to me again. This is so dumb. But here it goes. (Turns to Corinne) Corinne, they say that to see what a girl will look like when she’s older, you look at her mother. Good thing you inherited your father’s genes. What do you call a Corinne with no arms and an eye patch…names. (Groans). When I look at you, I immediately think of first world quality at third world prices. Uh, in females, the corpus callosum, which is a brain thing, is twice the size of males but don’t get too excited because that’s multitasking, not wit or intellect. Corinne, you’re nothing more than a pathetic World of Warcraft troll who’s always stalking the online forums and posting nonsense spells because your guild doesn’t include you in quests.
CORINNE: But you’re in my guild.
KYLE: Uhhh.
CORINNE: Do you really think that about me?
KYLE: (Nervous) Uhhh...I quit this contest!
ALEX: What?
KYLE: I don’t need to pretend to be something I’m not to impress people! You can’t shock and awe anyone by lying about who you are. I’ve just been insulting her and embarrassing myself! I’m sorry, Corinne. I didn’t mean any of those things. I think you’re awesome! I really like you, outside this contest.
CORINNE: I think you’re the best I can do, too.
ALEX: Well, I always thought they said, “quitters never win.” But I guess it’s really, “quitters may quit and get the girl but they still royally suck unlike Alex the Incredible Alpha Male Make All Your Dreams Come True Turner III.”
KYLE: On further inspection, I guess that is what they say. Now let’s go assemble the guild. We have quests to finish.
CORINNE: Sounds good!
ALEX: Whatever. You guys are stupid. I could go outside and get a lady. I'm not feeling myself today, can I feel you? Uh. This is why I play video games. They will never reject me.
BabyHair and I are making a 'zine'.
Get ready. I'm going all out for this.
Thanks babeh, your blog makes my nipz all hard. Totally dig it! ;]
Ugh, fattest crush.
Ask me out.
Dammit.
can't blog my dog; gets super jealous of my laptop
lol