#babylossmum

[merrymunky]

Leaving hospital after labour and delivery is supposed to be euphoric. As parents you are excited to take home your little bundle of joy, anticipating what lays ahead with sheer happiness (and probably some anxiety too!) Just imagine for a moment that this doesn’t happen. Imagine that you felt the pain of labour for hours. Imagine delivering a still and silent baby. Imagine that when it is time to leave you have to hand the body of your tiny son back to a midwife then walk away forever, empty handed. This was our reality 6 months ago today. After 24 hours with Lumi we had to make our way home without him, all dreams shattered. I took him out of his little Moses basket and held him, sobbing...knowing this was the last time I would see him, the last time I would cradle him, knowing my life would be forever scarred with grief. I told him I loved him then returned him to the care of the midwife. How my legs carried me out of the bereavement suite I will never know. It was the hardest thing I have EVER had to do. The most heartbreaking moment of my life. We came home with empty arms and broken hearts. This picture accurately represents how it feels to be a mother without her child. (Image by Lina Scarfi). This is why I will never stop talking about Lumi. He was here. He was loved. He is still loved and will be forever missed. Nothing will fill the holes in my womb and heart. 💙🌙⭐️ #babyloss #babylossawareness #babylossmum #babylossmama #babylosssupport #babylosscommunity #grief #bereavement #lifeafterloss #miscarriageawareness #miscarriage #miscarriagesupport #2ndtrimesterloss #16weeks https://www.instagram.com/p/BxxnniSD2_y/?igshid=frqkqewn8kwo

[merrymunky]

Lumi, your due date has finally arrived. Of all the days, it had the pure coincidence to fall on this year’s International Bereaved Mother’s Day. It’s so fitting. If ever I needed a day to remember my status as a mother and to honour your existence, today is that day. Thank you for giving me the title of ‘Mum’. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for fighting for those 16 weeks. Thank you for bringing me so much happiness after years of assuming we would never be parents. Thank you for for giving me so many memories and experiences of being pregnant. Just...thank you. I’m so sorry things didn’t turn out the way they should have. Ten years hoping and praying for you. It seems so cruel that your life ended before it really had a chance to begin. I’m sorry you never got to see how beautiful this world is. I’m sorry we never got to play. I’m sorry we never got to share all our favourite things with you. I was so looking forward to the future with you. I wish I could hold you now, a fully grown, plump newborn with life, warmth and a beating heart. I’m trying to live for you right now. It’s hard and every day is a battle, even when I’m smiling. Just know you are so loved and not a day goes by where my heart doesn’t ache for you. I love you, my precious son. 💙🌙⭐️#internationalbereavedmothersday #babyloss #babylossmum #babylosssurvivor #duedate #babylosswarrior #bereavement https://www.instagram.com/merrymunky/p/BxE5DZ5J6Ra/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=aomwfks61bsb

[merrymunky]

I’ve decided to save my rather rambling insta story as a highlight on my account so it can be viewed if you are at all interested. I talked about some of my thoughts and personal experiences of baby loss. Eventually I will be blogging and going into some of the more gritty detail about the loss of our precious Lumi. I will also use the platform to share happier memories of the pregnancy prior to loss as well as the grief that followed it. I’ve learned over the last three months that talking about my boy is so helpful. I want to share my experiences so that others who may experience a similar loss can feel less alone. Our stories are all so unique but there is the common ground of grief following the loss of a much wanted and loved child. If I can help even one person to begin to open up and feel less alone on their journey than I will feel happy. As I said yesterday, there are some incredible people out there sharing their experiences and giving parents the courage to do the same. If you don’t follow them Jess - @thelegacyofleo and Elle - @feathering_the_empty_nest are two of the most inspiring people I have been directed towards and now they are some of my life lines. Seeing how they conduct themselves following their losses gives me hope that one day I might just be ok. 💙🌙⭐️#babyloss #babylossmama #babylosssupport #babylossawareness #babylossmum #babylosssurvivor #babylosscommunity #babylossjourney https://www.instagram.com/merrymunky/p/BuzOCNnAB7E/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1x3si534p37fr