#bad aunt

[windycitylibrarian]

Timing

My sister and her family already left on their road trip to FL to see her FIL and she (obviously) took her kids with her! I didn’t get a chance to see them and I won’t see them next week because I’ll be in MN with my parents.

[jungfrauliebe]

the lip thing

I freaked out when I saw Bill doing the lip thing ‘cause I can do that as well.  Since then, I spent my time scaring my little niece LOL 

[marauderstiltheend]

I just scared my nephew.  He wanted to watch a 'scary' film.  We started with The Abominable Bride and he thought it was too pretty to be scary.  So I made him watch Alien vs Predator. Ugly, scary, creepy creatures.

Hehehe

He wanted ugly. He got ugly.

Bad aunt

[fuckyeahfightlock]

[bbprincessheather]

beep beep

[depressed-teabag]

MY 3Y/O NEPHEW JUST CLIMBED ON TOP OF ONE OF HIS TOYS, SAID "GOODBYE JOHN" AND THEN JUMPED

WHAT HAVE I CREATED

[kravkalackin]

Roxy is absolutely that super fun aunt who sneaks you things you’re not supposed to have and let you drive her car once when you were like 14- This is a specific example.

yes, yes it is. if you think it is a personal example, well, i either have an unpleasant relationship with all of my aunts, or they’re next to strangers to me, and when i first got into a car for driver’s ed, i knew so little that the teacher kicked me out of the drivers seat and told me i couldn’t drive again until my parents took me out to practice a few times, so just take that as you will 

[spiderfan22]

DAY ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-NINE - 6/15/16

“BAD AUNT 27” by DJS

Best friends are always there for each other. Even, and in fact despite the probable damage their help may wreak.

(Billie and Quinn in the bedroom they now share. Another bed has been sandwiched into the space but Billie’s laying on Quinn’s all the same, munching barbecue potato chips straight from the bag. Quinn is holding up different dresses, comparing them in a mirror.)

QUINN: I don’t know why I’m even going.

BILLIE: She’s your friend, right? She’s getting married.

QUINN: Yeah but still. I mean it’d be one thing if I had a date but I’m just going solo.

BILLIE: Find a guy then.

QUINN: Not that easy – I mean to find a good one. And we’d have to be dating a while before I felt comfortable introducing him to anyone. He’d have to have met my mom first and –

BILLIE: Why?

QUINN: Because. That’s normal.

BILLIE: (snorts) “Normal.”

QUINN: Yeah, what?

BILLIE: It just doesn’t have to be that complicated. I mean, I know my history with guys has been – well, just bad. But dating – it doesn’t have to be this whole thing. You can just see a person – hang out, fool around.

QUINN: You mean like be friends with benefits?

BILLIE: Or fuck buddies.

QUINN: Eww – gross. Don’t use that word.

BILLIE: What, “buddies”?

QUINN: You know what I mean.

BILLIE: But you have had sex.

QUINN: Of course I’ve had sex. Just not – that much.

BILLIE: Why not?

QUINN: Because I’ve never really gone out with a guy for that long. It’s usually just a few weeks or a month and by that time, when we break up, we’ve maybe only had sex a couple times by that point.

BILLIE: So you wait.

QUINN: Yeah. At least a few dates.

BILLIE: How many’s a few?

QUINN: Four or five?

BILLIE: You make the guy wait four or five dates to have sex?

QUINN: yeah! And it’s not always sex – or straight sex – but anything. Well, not kissing, but – you know.

BILLIE: Soooo blowjobs, handjobs…

QUINN: Yeah. Ugh. Right.

BILLIE: Why “ugh”?

QUINN: Because I don’t like… jizz or whatever it’s called. Sperm.

BILLIE: Cum.

QUINN: I don’t like it shooting out at me. It’s sticky and it gets all over and, y’know, there might still be some pee mixed in it –

BILLIE: Pee??

QUINN: – because you can’t tell me it doesn’t all come from the same place – or not the same place, but by the same – route. I’m not crazy.

(She says this last because Billie is looking at her like she’s insane.)

BILLIE: That’s kind of a – well, a hang-up, isn’t it? I mean for you with guys?

QUINN: Yeah. And when I am with a guy… when I am, if we start to fool around, I make him, like, instantly put on a condom. Just in case.

BILLIE: (after pause) I see. Can I can you a question?

QUINN: Apparently I’m an open book, so yeah.

BILLIE: Do you ever come with these guys?

QUINN: Are you kidding? No. No way. I just let them do it fast and get it over with.

BILLIE: What about when they go down on you?

QUINN: I don’t – do that.

BILLIE: A guy’s never gone down on you?

QUINN: I mean they’ve tried. I just don’t… let them.

BILLIE: And – and why’s that?

QUINN: Because, again, it’s gross. All wet and their mouth, I don’t want them to taste that – eww, no. No.

BILLIE: Finger you?

QUINN: Once or twice – same deal. I feel like I’m being prodded. And there was one time I guy made me taste his, his finger afterwards?

BILLIE: OK, yeah, that’s – I’ll agree with you on that. But to not let a guy go down on you, I mean if he wants to?

QUINN: Hey, I’m not defending myself. I know I’m in the minority here.

BILLIE: So you’ve only ever come – what – by yourself? Alone?

QUINN: Yeah. I mean, I’m fine with that. I’m actually pretty good at it. Pretty, uh, fast.

BILLIE: Well that’s nice at least.

QUINN: The problem – The problem is I just don’t think I’ve found the right guy.

BILLIE: Assuming there is a right guy.

QUINN: (taking a breath) I just know when I do find him all this will go away, because I’ll feel comfortable. (less convincingly) Fingers crossed.

BILLIE: Yeah, well, sorry but fuck your fingers. You need to get out there in like a big, big way. Hit the bars, get a dating app, anything it takes.  And I’ll be your wingman.

QUINN: But you can’t like just – go to a bar –

BILLIE: I’m not gonna drink, Quinn.

QUINN: How do you know that?

BILLIE: Because this isn’t about me for once. It’s about you.

QUINN: I don’t –

BILLIE: We’re gonna get you fucking laid.