Bad Dub
I learned the language late not the words but the way people wear them like jackets that already know their shape
I tried to borrow a smile stitched it to my face with nervous hands but it kept slipping thread snapping under the weight of being seen
Everyone else seemed fluent in some quiet code when to laugh when to nod how to exist without questioning it
I studied them like scripture mimicked their pauses their easy confidence their unthinking belonging but my reflection never got it right
I was always a half-second off like a bad dub over a foreign film mouth moving but never matching the sound
And I wondered if I practiced long enough if I sanded down the edges if I swallowed enough of myself would I finally pass?
But the truth lingered in every silence I couldn't fill in every room that felt like I had wandered in by mistake
they weren't pretending to be here
I was
An actor without a script applauding cues I didn't understand waiting for someone to notice I didn't belong on this stage
waiting to be asked to leave
But no one did
So I stayed clapping at the wrong moments laughing just a little too late hoping one day the lie would settle into something like truth
or at least something that hurt less to carry
