just to illustrate to you what effing trauma is like, I was on youtube watching a livestream of this new youtuber I was following about a game, and I happened to make a joke that was apparently a "controversial” topic within the game’s community and the youtuber not only gave me a lecture as if I’m 10 yo she also implied I brought up the topic out of malice and I was like ??
I felt attacked and rejected and unsafe at the same time. And this single exchange has triggered me into multiple flashbacks about my actual fucking trauma + abusive relationships + childhood neglect + whatever other myriad of issues my brain decided it needs to remind me of and it’s been a hell few days and all of that... because I made a joke that landed badly and had someone treat my bid of affection as a character flaw or as some major mistake.
it would have been so simple for her to be like I don’t like to see discussions of this topic on my channel so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t bring it up here, and I would happily never mention it again but she made a point of being rude and aggressive, so instead I will literally never feel safe interacting with that channel again. Which I’m sure she doesn’t care but that’s not the point, the point is that shit that doesn’t even have a tangencial relationship to your trauma will still cause flashbacks ABOUT your goddamn trauma and that’s just a thing, apparently. cursed, absolutely cursed
