Those opinions are final and I will NOT take any comment or criticism.
I WILL, however, write it as actual legible text, because holy shit, this is small.
On the validity of Princesses
This isn’t a contest, OK? But some princesses are more valid than others.
Moana: 200% valid. Literally nothing wrong with her.
Cinderella: 100% valid. Do not touch Cinderella. She just wants to escape her abusive home. She’s valid.
Rapunzel: 95%. Same as above, but minus 5% for the crazy long hair. Magic or not, sometimes you just HAVE to get a trim. Basic stuff.
Belle: 90%. Minus 100% for giving me zoophile nightmares as a kid. Plus 90% because she likes to read, and I also like to read.
Elsa: 85%. I get it, I also sometimes want to run away to an ice castle. Minus points for being voiced by Idina Menzel, who does not sound like a teenager, sorry.*
Jasmine: 80%. She would be way lower for falling for a guy just because of his cool ride, but she has a cool tiger, so. There.
Aurora: 75%. She spends half of the movie sleeping, which, GOALS, but she also falls in love with the first male stranger she meets in the forest. Bad lessons for girls.**
Tiana: 70%. She’s basically PERFECT, except she does kiss a frog?! Gross.
Merida: 60%. I don’t understand anything she says. Cool bow though.
Mulan: 50%. Props for trying to break gender norms, but I’m against the army.
Anna: 40%. Everyone told her she couldn’t marry a guy she’d just met, but she had to insist, huh?
Snow White: 25%. Women should be able to do anything they want, but WHO LIKES TO DO HOUSE WORK??? Honestly like. You’d be at 0% if you didn’t boss around the dwarves into washing their hands, which is the Lord’s work.
*I just wanted to mention that I LOVE Idina Menzel. But everytime I hear her as Elsa it makes me think that maybe this is a 45-year-old woman who has been de-aged but who kept her original, 45-year-old woman voice. Literally what was the casting process like, is what I’d like to know.
**I made a typo in this one, which would be fine, but I also forgot two whole words, so I think I lose some validity for that. To make up for it, I will allow comments, but only if it’s to tell me that you agree with me about the Elsa voice thing.