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So you don't want to read the Authority. Here is the first half of volume 1 poorly summarized:
This started out as just shit posts but alas, here we are
The Characters:
The Plot:
One interpretation of the Authority's (Part one by [redacted]) thematic crux (No longer shitposting):
BADLY SUMMARIZED WIP POLL
Started by the always awesome, psuedo-son of mine, @blind-the-winds
Rules: Pick a bunch of your WIPs and summarize them as badly as possible, then ask your followers to vote on which one they'd be most likely to read. Multiple/all/none options are completely optional.
Which would you be most like to read?
The Horseman of Death & Hell are nice. No, the author isn't drunk.
Voodoo everywhere and none of it good.
Not wanting to be with each other leads to being stuck with each other.
Sure, it's fake, we believe you.
How many pantheons can hate Lucifer? And be Death?
Big cat war, with magic.
Princess, we see no Princess?
STOP SETTING SHIT ON FIRE!
Don't fuck with the Russian, either of them.
The newest family member resembles the body disposal device.
Afterlife bureaucracy booboo.
Don't die in your sleep.
Apparently 12 is the max 🤣😂🤣😂
Soft tagging - @saltysupercomputer @cillmequick @raincoffeeandfandoms @pheita @writingmaidenwarrior @autumnalwalker @there-goes-thefighter
So I'm playing legend of zelda and honestly I don't know what the hell is going on
(I might be playing tears of the kingdom which is number 2 without having done the first one lol) (I also refuse to google anything which means i make 200% more stupid decisions)
these are my takeaways so far:
Zelda drags link down to a creepy ass cavern underneath the castle (bad idea, obviously, why would you do that) and accidentally wakes up the demon king who at this point is really just a pile of old bones that poisons people
The bag of old bones that poisons people is stupidly powerful though, and explodes everything so Zelda falls into a void and Link gets shot into the sky where his arm is forcibly removed and replaced with a thousand-year-old arm (no one knows where it came from) and then has to go solve puzzles because the guy who originally owned the arm is a force ghost and told him to
When he finally gets down from the sky, a bunch of time has passed. Months? Years? No one knows, certainly not link. This isn't delved into so we all ignore that link was probably comatose and stuck in a void for an indeterminate amount of time so that he can get up and go on an adventure and stab a bunch of monsters because no one else can be bothered to
Bad summary of Howls Movong Castle:
Cursed girl breaks and enters a mid-aged mans house. Forcibly makes him employ her. Eventually causes a seperation of man and long term partner.
Thanks for the tag @bonheur-cafe 💕
This is an AU first meeting that I just started working on where TK and Carlos meet when TK takes Paul to the club. They hit it off, but don't go home together, despite how much they both want to - this night is about Paul after all. Carlos has to stop himself from following the cute stranger out of the club. Somebody else does follow TK home though...
No pressure tags: @lightningboltreader, @detective-giggles, @chicgeekgirl89, @mikibwrites, @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut, @carlos-in-glasses
Battle of the Super Sons: a bad summary by me
spoilers, obv
- why do we always gotta watch Krypton explode? This is the equivalent of the Waynes getting shot.
- kinda weird last words to your infant son but uh okay
- Lois explains journalism
- I know he’s animated but how do Clark’s legs support his torso. He’s shaped like a ravioli on stilts
- wow i wonder if that ant stuff will come in later with the starros
- I can’t think of a single reason they would’ve hidden Clark’s powers from the kid for so long?
- Y’all left green arrow in charge of the watchtower? Does batman know about this?
- that bully looks like he’s going to a bear/otter club in Miami on a Tuesday
- Jon lit the farm on fire but I got my period in the pool at summer camp so who had puberty worse
- I thought we weren’t saying the “American way” thing anymore
- Jon upon seeing Gotham: “bitch u live like this”
- Between the two of them batman and superman have at least 30 abs
- whose got damn white baby is that
- That is a SLAVIC baby
- I wanna feel bad for Damian but I feel like he makes baristas cry
- BATCOW
- BAT BUCKET
- Side note, the writing is literally so bad. There are more holes than plot. I wish I hadn’t started this.
- I am once again forced to watch Batman beat his child, but at least he’s mind-controlled this time
- What’s Melvin’s tragic backstory?
- “We need to lay low,” says the preteen flying the bat plane in the middle of the afternoon
- Where’s Harley Quinn with a javelin when you need her
- Bad Guy Monologue
- Green Arrow fails at a basic assignment, again
- Bad Guy Monologue but he’s the president
- LOIS ARE YOU FR
- GIRLBOSS
- Bats and Supes have just been chilling back there, I guess
- The boys mug Batman and steal his jewlery
- Dami, your dad’s gonna have to pay for that
- The power of friendship
- Bruce attempts a hug
- Haha sports joke
- Melvin is absolutely gonna have lasting neurological damage from that
- Still can’t fly
The single most stiff kid in the world and a girl who would love rock and roll decide to fail a competition together with the help of their athlete friends. Romantic poetry at the end of every episode ensue. Also, his mom sucks
The Stomlight archives, badly summarised. Book one, The Way of Kings.
In a world where no one is white other than some weird weebs in Shinovar, a twenty something Emo drops out of med school to experiment with war and slavery, and wins PTSD to go with his existing Seasonal Adjustment Disorder and Depression, decides that a wise man builds a longer murder-bridge and not a higher murder-fence, and mentally breaks so badly that the universe sends him the mathematical average of superman and spiderman’s powers and an emotional support goddess. Due to the paperwork of this particular universe being irreversibly fucked by squabbling super-powered Mormons, the goddess in question is a 5,000 year old teenage girl with ADHD.
Meanwhile, an actual teenage girl with ADHD and trauma related D.I.D tries and fails to steal magic jewellery from the human embodiment of a ND dark academia moodbord, and breaks so badly that the universe takes pity on her and grants her an emotional support god who is the embodiment of math and also has Aspergers. The human moodbord then adopts her because they can both nerd so hard they enter an alternate dimension made of abstract ideas and fucking glass ball bearings of all things. They then go of on a quest to tell the world that slavery is wrong, but only because the slaves might get their minds back and also get superpowers soon (due to one the aforementioned super-Mormons being a prick), and that could cause them personaly trouble.
Also meanwhile, the moodbords cousins are a man so autistic he somehow invented the fidget-box while living in a world that’s every Warhammer faction at once, and a dyslexic himbo who talks to his sword. The father of these two is this universe’s only neurotypical person, who happens to be an angry boomer who’s so metal as fuck his heartbeat is the Doom 2016 soundtrack, but everyone thinks he’s going senile because the ghost of a god keeps prank calling him each time the weather gets bad. He’s fighting a war against crab people, but mostly against the rest of his faction who are at best his useless nephew (whose mom he wants to bone) and at worst the human embodiment of that sneer Joffrey makes in game of thrones.
Also the coolest fantasy swords of any work of fiction exist, and one of them belongs to a bald weeb who has to murder every world leader because someone stole his pet rock.
