Nov 21, 2018
In the bathroom cubicle of life, it’s sometimes tough to know what side of the gloryhole you’re on.
-Balls Malone
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In the bathroom cubicle of life, it’s sometimes tough to know what side of the gloryhole you’re on.
-Balls Malone
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I'll Give Em a Jolly Rodger
I’ll Give Em a Jolly Rodger
by Balls Malone
If I was a pirate captain in the days of yore, I would name my ship “Forcible Sodomy.” However, I’d only sodomize the captives that looked disappointed when I told them the name is strictly metaphorical. And even then I’d be gentle and use lots and lots of whatever was the best lubricant in those days, because even piracy should have its limits.
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There are very few problems in life that can’t be solved by a nice, well executed murder. Or two.
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“Sometimes I’ll get a whole finger up my ass before I realize what I’m doing. Then I’m like: Goddamnit, this dollar store doesn’t even have a bathroom.”
Balls Malone
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The Cowboy
by Balls Malone
The Cowboy looked down from atop his magnificent steed at the pretty young woman and the three rough looking men who surrounded her.
“Trouble Sally?” he asked in his smooth baritone.
“Jaundice, these men are–” Sally started before she was interrupted as one of the men stepped behind her, clamped his hand over her near-legendary mouth, and drew a huge Bowie knife to wave in front…
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The worst part of waking up with a corpse and a hangover is forever wondering if they died before or after you fucked them.
Balls Malone
Here's something to do: When you meet a boy, ask him if he wants to grow up to be a slut like his father. If he doesn't know what that means, tell him to go ask his mother, but make sure he knows it's his father that's the slut. Challenge gender norms!
Balls Malone
Blackouts are your friend. When they fade, memories surface like bloated corpses after a flood. Hotblooded dumpster woman handling my balls. Stepping it up to hateful fucking on a back alley mattress. Crotches like jungle ecosystems gettin funky with their own Columbian exchange. Goddamn, I'm itchy.
Balls Malone