a midnight trial

The rattling of the loose nuts and bolts in my think can. www.musevassal.com

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Well, It’s Been a Slice

Okay, so the whole premise of this blog is fucked now. It has been made clear by tumblr that me and my smutty interests are no longer welcome here.

It’s too bad, I liked this place.

So, thank you to all my followers. Those interested in continuing reading my writing should check me out at:

musevassal.com

I will not be a survivor of this tumblr apocalypse. Instead I will tip my hat and say “adieu” to all of you.

And, a nice, “fuck you!” to tumblr. I hope your new format tanks and takes you all with it.

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blurred lines

[musevassal]

American Patricians

Sometimes I have to take a moment to sit back and marvel at just how committed American conservatives are to being awful. Their thorough attention to detail in this regard is incredible. They don’t miss a beat!

It’s not just their selfishly doing everything they can to make the world a worse place, to despoil everything they come into contact with; it’s that they take so much obvious pleasure in…

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Addict

For many, substance abuse is a shortcut to figuring out who you are. I was for me.

To learn who you really are is not easy. You must dig down through all the layers of childhood trauma and the fossilized coping mechanisms you created to deal with it. Dig until you find some little ember; some small part of you that remained untouched, somehow. Then you must care for that ember. Give it fuel,…

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Humble Selfie

“Humble selfie” is the perfect oxymoron for our times.

I realize that most people who do the whole selfie thing probably have no idea what I’m talking about here. Not just that they don’t know what the word oxymoron means (although most probably don’t), but that they aren’t able to get why it is oxymoronic. It is like saying something like “noisy flower.” It’s just nonsense: does not compute.

The…

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In the bathroom cubicle of life, it’s sometimes tough to know what side of the gloryhole you’re on.

-Balls Malone

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Cars Don't Kill People

Cars Don’t Kill People

Cars are merely a tool designed to get people and goods from point A to point B. It is the people who misuse this tool that cause all the problems.

As a believer in Freedom, I think it is completely bogus that the nanny state restricts that freedom in regards to this tool. Since the right to travel is universal, there should be no restrictions on car ownership or usage.

Anyone, regardless of age…

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kitty’s love

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Self-Assessment

On the job I combine highly professional and skilled work with aggressive and horrifyingly repulsive guerrilla flatulence.

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Sex Troubles

I am a bona fide expert at fucking up opportunities for sex. (Believe it or not, I have had them over the years.) Whatever I have going on, it must work for women in that initial attraction stage, because since high school I’ve very rarely been turned down when I’ve asked a woman out.

At first I fucked up simply by missing the signals. (“No, I shouldn’t come in for coffee. It keeps me awake.”)…

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When you’re in someone’s house for the first time and you see they own a set of bongos, it’s very much like finding an improperly stored firearm: this person is trouble.

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Pick a Side

Pick a side. Doesn’t matter which; it is about as relevant as the band name on a concert t-shirt. The important thing is that you have a brand to engage your tribalism with.

Now that you know what side you’re on, it’s time to go hunting! Get out there and scour the web for the stupidest, most ignorant, ill-adjusted, mentally unstable people you can find from the opposing side. Expose these…

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nightmare

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Party Time With Permanent T-Shirt Decal Enthusiasts

Party Time With Permanent T-Shirt Decal Enthusiasts

Party Goers: *Start talking about their tattoos*

Me: “Oh look, there’s dip over there. I’ll be right back.” (I’m not coming back.)

THE END

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In Other News, Water Remains Wet

In Other News, Water Remains Wet

Oh, what’s this? There’s been another mass shooting in the United States?

Well, of course there has.

Winnipeg is cold. Okinawa gets typhoons. America has mass shootings.

Anyone who knows Japan at all knows that Okinawa gets typhoons. It’s a given. On a long enough time scale there will certainly be another one along. The only unknowns are the frequency of events and their intensity.

And when they…

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my condition

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Blurred Lines

In social media the user is simultaneously the consumer and the product; just as we are both the audience and performer. It does not end there, though.

In this modern economy of commodified outrage, the offended are so often offensive in turn. It’s a cycle that self-perpetuates and enriches the host of the arena.

Free content.

Further, those who seek to cause and take offense are often best…

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