after thinking about it, a space marine could probably skinfade himself. for a real person, its impossible because you can't see the back of your own head and so can't keep track of the many areas to shave, each with different guards on the clipper, different lever adjustments, etc. BUT! given that space marines have ridiculously good memory and spacial sense, he could just do the same series of motions each time. he'd just have to get it right once, and then he'd be fine to do that once a week for the next few thousand years. before that he would definitely fuck himself up multiple times and look ridiculous though. thankfully a helmet would hide it until it grows back and he could try again.
anyways i think this would be the most iron warriors thing anyone could ever do because it is:
paranoid (i don't want anyone standing behind me or touching me!)
unsociable (i don't need anybody's help!)
making things unnecessarily difficult for no reason (i'm also not going to shave myself bald or do a crew cut or anything easy!)
a form of art that is often dismissed as a mere trade labor, as if getting your hands dirty isn't a universal consequence of creative pursuits. not to mention the vital nature of barbers, who never get credit for their role in public health and sanitation (mainly preventing parasites from spreading), who never get to retire because they live off dogshit wages with no union and have no one to turn to for help (because they hate each other so fucking bad). have you ever seen what's hidden under a hardhat at the end of a hotass day? or a homeless guy's beanie in winter? because its not a clean head!!! its not!!! a clean!!! head!!! you ever had to scrape the mold off a hobo??? do you think they're capable of giving a good tip!? but it has to be done without complaint because somebody has to be the-- [i am dragged off the stage by a hazard-striped shepherd hook]
