Eurovision 2010s: 217 - 214
217. Esma & Lozano - “Pred da se razdeni”
F.Y.R. Macedonia 2013
What better way to open the Green Zone of my ranking with one of Eurovision’s most hapless entries from one of my favourite years? 2013 was a year of many things: of underrated gems, of Petra Mede, of Lynda Woodruff, of Swedish Smörgåsbord, of unnecessary dubstep; It was also the year of female entrants entering the stage in hilariously overdramatic fashions. Introducing the force of nature that is ESMA:
Yes, an entrance so downright epic it cannot be contained within ONE gif!! Venerable shambling mound of scarlet shawls <3 Sauntering on the stage as if blown there by a hidden windmachine <3 Instant green just for Esma’s inclusion, but wait there’s more!
As you know, Lozano & Esma were supposed to go with a significantly better entry (IMPERIJA <3), which they withdrew due to negative feedback from the Macedonians ( 🙄 ), so they had to bring “Pred da se razdeni” instead, a lesser song.
Which brings me to the second thing I actually really like about Esma and Lozano: they have conflicting approaches to making "Pred da se razdeni” work, by which I of course mean that they didn’t make it work, at all <3 Esma still gave it her damn all, passing on the vibrato in her voice to her hands <3
While Lozano minced around the stage in a hopeless “aw, shucks 🤷♂️" state, barely containing his embarrassment at the trainwreck he found himself in. King of palpable pathos <3
I am aware that “Pred da se razdeni” is a really shitty song, but when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.. Macedonia made... lemon juice, but hey, that at least gives me something I can cling to. They really did make the “best” out of a really, really crappy situation and for this they’ve earned my respect.
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216. Barei - “Say yay!”
Spain 2016
Barei really was “INSUFFERABLE SPANISH FANDOM” at its zenith, but I actually kind of enjoyed her, lol? Only Spanish entrant to be completely in English <3 And "Say yay!” like... a slightly less messy / incompetent “Sing it away” ❤ HELLO HELLO MR. DANGER, NO NEED TO BE AFRAID + that tarddance + the fake fall, apparently was, according to the Spanish fans, enough to finally clinch that third gold!!! 🤣 Which careened them directly into yet another bottom five iceberg, ofc. 💅
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215. Benjamin Ingrosso - “Dance you off”
Sweden 2018
Sure, Benji can be green. It’s been a year since he introduced himself to us as everyone’s favourite bottom darling and he has aged well for me. Unlike Benji’s position in the bedroom, the Benji memes are still ACTIVE:
Don’t care too much about the song tho, lol~
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214. Electro Velvet - “Still in love with you”
United Kingdom 2015
2015 had two nil pointers and somehow this blacklighted, white-man-scatting, dubstep/charleston Frankenstein monstruosity of a song was neither of them?😂😂 AND THEY BEAT FRANCE AS WELL LMFAO ELECTROWNAGE!!! WE STAN!!! but only ironically, though~
