Ok so basically,
I recently found out I'm aplaro along with a personality disorder so long story short I don't know love. However I was already in a relationship when I found out. We'd already been having problems but I felt that was just part of the process but it only got worse.
I realized that I didn't LOVE her and just wanted cuddles and kisses and physical touch over connection. It feels amazing to understand myself better now but she doesn't feel the same. She wants actual love and care, which i understand.
The problem is she's been my only source of physical contact for a while now and I'm scared I'll never find anything close to her. I don't like people touching me because ew gross so the only people I let are people I'm close to and even then it's socially weird to kiss and cuddle your "friends" (not friends to me because apl) and I don't want them to catch feelings or take anything the wrong way.
Maybe I should wait untill I meet someone else and then see if I can move on but that feels like a serious jerk thing to do.
I'm also gonna put my yearning for the perfect person here because 😭
I just wish I could be in an alterous relationship with someone who'd give me kisses and call me their little muffin mix or whatever and then we could not talk to each other for a couple months and then they'd randomly appear like "I just won the lottery though you should know" and then we'd have a sleepover and watch family guy funny compilations
-♥
i think you should just, talk to her about it. be as clear as you possibly can about you not feeling love but liking physical touch, see what she says and what she wants. if shes not okay with you not loving her you should respect that, youll find someone who shares your wants one day, but tricking someone isnt a good thing.
