Let’s See What a Fire Feels Like
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Tobin and Leif go stargazing. Tobin listens to Leif talk about constellations. Tobin tries not to kiss him. Tobin almost succeeds.
It was a warm summer night, air cloying even through Tobin’s shirt, hoodie long abandoned on the blanket spread against damp grass.
“There’s the Summer Triangle, Tobes. Straight up.” Leif craned his head back, hands falling behind him to hold himself up. His left one landed on Tobin’s right, and he flipped his palm over to clasp Leif tighter.
Leif glanced over his shoulder to Tobin, lips spreading into a thin smile. “The star on the lower left, that’s Deneb. It’s the tail of Cygnus, the swan constellation.” He turned his head back to the sky and Tobin leaned in, eyes following as Leif lifted his right hand to point.
Leif’s hand glided down slightly. “Cygnus flies south along the Milky Way. It’s right by Aquila… there, there it is. The eagle constellation.”
Tobin grinned to himself, gaze flickering between the stars and Leif’s face, open and expressive in a way it never was under harsh fluorescent lights. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. It used to be right next to the Antinous constellation, but they got merged together a long time ago. Kinda sad…” Leif turned his head again, a few inches from Tobin’s face. Tobin grinned and made a vaguely inquisitive noise.
“Antinous… he was this guy who either drowned or was sacrificed.” Leif’s voice was quieter, eyes glancing at Tobin, the sky, Tobin again. “His lover, emperor Hadrian, was so devasted he named a city after him, Antinoöpolis,” Leif said.
Tobin swayed forward a little. “Oh.”
“And he made a statue of him. He minted coins with his face on him across the empire, and said he was a God, and he, uh, named a constellation after him.”
“So he could always be with him?”
“Yeah.” Leif’s voice rasped. He cleared his throat. “Yeah.”
Tobin squeezed Leif’s hand. “That’s pretty gay, Leif.”
Leif let out a big laugh and leaned back, hand leaving Tobin’s to push his hair off his forehead. “Yeah! Yeah, uh, they were pretty gay, Tobin.”
Tobin tried not to miss the warmth. It was warm enough, anyway. Summer. He fell onto his back with a sigh. “Hadrian, huh?”
“Yeah,” Leif said, still sitting up. “He, like, focused less on imperialism and more on unification within Rome? So that’s cool I guess. He started a cult, though.”
He laughed and tilted his head up to look at Leif, who was trying to look scandalized but was failing.
“Nah, but really, Hadrian sucked. For a lot of reasons. Like, slavery, dude.”
“Shit, yeah.” Tobin sat up again to face Leif. “Antinous, though. He was cool?”
Leif shook his head, still smiling. “I dunno, Tobin. It was a long time ago. I only read so much of the Wikipedia article.”
They fell into a comfortable silence again. Tobin watched a mosquito flit around the edges of the frayed quilt they were sat on. “Hey, look,” he said, wrapping one arm around Leif’s waist and gesturing upwards with the other. “Orion’s Belt.”
Leif turned up, then to Tobin, eyes soft.
“See, I can be smart for you, too.”
Leif melted against his side. His hand came up to cup Tobin’s cheek. “Everyone knows Orion’s Belt, idiot.”
Tobin’s eyelids fluttered, and he swayed forward half an inch, leg jolting slightly closer. “Admit it, you were impressed.”
Leif pressed his face against Tobins shoulder and slid his hand back from his cheek to against his neck. “Was not.”
“Was too,” Tobin whispered, and tilted down to press his lips against Leif’s hair. Leif lifted his head at the action and stared.
“...Was not,” Leif repeated dumbly, and Tobin smiled, and kissed him, and kissed him, and kissed him.
title from Cassiopeia by Sara Bareilles