Save Me From Myself
Pairing: BBF!Bucky x reader
Summary: You and your boyfriend get into a fight and he beats you. You go to your brother’s house for support only to find his best friend and roommate, Bucky Barnes, instead. Bucky is furious when you tell him what happened and he takes care of you.
Warnings: Angst, fluffy fluff. Domestic violence/assault. Use of pet names. Bucky being insanely protective.
A/N: I'm thinking I'll make a part 2...so, there will be eventual smut.
Part 2
Tears streamed down your bruised cheeks as you tried to drive the 5 miles to your brother’s apartment without crashing your car. You were silently praying that you wouldn't drive by any cops, partially because you were speeding and partially because you weren't sure if you were driving in your own lane. It was dark, your left eye was swelling, and the tears clouded your vision. It was a trifecta ripe for disaster.
By some miracle, you managed to get to his apartment in one piece. You parked your car and quickly made your way up the stairs to his third floor apartment. You banged on the door as loudly as you could.
After 15 seconds of no response, you knocked even louder and yelled your brother's name. "Steve! Open the door!"
A few moments later, you heard a man's voice yell a response. "Hold on, I'm coming. Sweet Jesus." The door swung open and you were met with your brother's best friend and roommate, Bucky Barnes.
"Where's Steve?" you asked as you pushed past Bucky into the apartment.
"Well hello to you too, (Y/N). Steve's staying the night at Peggy's."
"Damnit," you said angrily before dropping onto the couch with your head in your hand.
The moment Bucky saw your hands, concern flowed through his body. "What happened to you?"
"It's nothing. I just want to talk to Steve," you mumbled.
Bucky sat down beside you. "Well Steve's not here, but I am. Talk to me, (Y/N)." He reached up and gently pried your left hand away from your face. He gasped at the sight of your swollen eye and he lifted your chin to get a better look at you. "Who did this to you?"
You could hear the anger in his voice and it sparked a whole new wave of tears.
"Hey, hey. It's okay, don't cry," he said in a much softer voice. "Let me get something to clean you up with, okay?"
You nodded and wiped the tears from your eyes as Bucky rummaged through the closet in an attempt to find the first aid kit he was pretty sure was tucked in there somewhere.
A few moments later, he emerged triumphant, first aid kit held up in his metal hand. When he looked at you again, the smile slid from his face. He took a moment to really look at you and he began calculating all the injuries you had. Your legs appeared to be okay, but they were mostly covered, so he couldn't be sure. He couldn't see any obvious injuries to your torso, but he could tell you were in pain. You were cradling your right arm and your hands were bloody and bruised. His eyes traveled up to your face and he felt a mix of heartbreak and overwhelming rage. He pushed both emotions aside and focused on you instead. Your normally beautiful eyes were surrounded by black and blue bruises and the left one was swollen shut. There were several small cuts on your face, a split lip, and a large gash across your right cheek. Your hair was disheveled and your clothes looked haphazard. Normally you were always put together, so it was obvious that something bad had happened to you.
Bucky wanted to believe that no person would ever do this to you, but he had a bad feeling he knew exactly what happened. He knelt down in front of you and opened up the first aid kit. "You wanna tell me what happened?"
You shook your head and kept your eye trained on the front of Bucky's shirt, avoiding his eyes with your one good one.
Bucky didn't say anything as he started to gently clean the cuts on your face. The large gash on the right side looked deep, but not 'needs stitches' deep. You winced and inhaled sharply when he touched your face. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I don't want to hurt you. Maybe we should just go to the hospital."
"No," you said insistently. "No hospitals."
Bucky sighed. "Alright, doll. No hospitals. But I'd really like to know what happened."
You opened your mouth to lie, but decided against it. You just sat in silence as Bucky wiped the blood from your hands.
"You don't have to tell me, but I'm all you've got right now. I just want to help you."
"It was nothing, Buck. I just fell."
Bucky's jaw tightened and you realized that lying to him was not a good plan. "You fell. Into John's fists?"
You winced at his tone and started to deny it, but there was no point. Bucky knew you too well. And unfortunately, he knew John too well too. "He didn't mean it," you whispered.
Bucky let out a sound that was something between a growl and a curse. "That piece of shit means everything he does, (Y/N). I'll kill him for hurting you."
"You're not going to kill anyone, Bucky."
He looked up at you and suddenly you had a very different feeling in your chest. He was completely serious. "He deserves it."
Your eye widened as much as it could. "Bucky, what good would that do? It won't change anything."
He sighed and let go of your hands. "Fine. But if you go back to him, I swear..." he trailed off, his expression hard.
You didn't say anything and Bucky got angrier. "(Y/N). He's going to kill you if you stay. You have to know that. You're too good for him. You deserve the world."
You made eye contact with him and tears threatened to push their way out of your eyes again. "I know, I know. But where am I supposed to go, Bucky? We live together."
"You'll stay with us until we can get you a new apartment. I'll sleep on the couch and you can have my room."
You shook your head. "I'm not going to kick you out of your room, Bucky."
"You're not. I'm offering." He squeezed your arm and you yelped. "Shit, doll! I'm sorry. What's wrong?" He moved your arm to inspect it and you gasped in pain.
"I think it's broken," you said softly, voice laced with pain.
"We're going to the hospital, (Y/N). No excuses." You started to protest and he cut you off. "Either you walk with me or I carry you. You decide, but we are going to the hospital."
You could hear the seriousness in his voice, so you decided to stop trying to fight him. What good would it do? You followed Bucky to the door and he opened it for you to walk out ahead of him. He guided you down the stairs to his car, opening the passenger side door for you to slide in. Just that small act was kinder than John ever was to you. It surprised you slightly, but Bucky always treated you that way. Like you mattered.
Bucky drove in silence to the hospital; shooting glances over to you to make sure you were doing okay. His heart ached every time he looked at you. It broke his heart that you were in pain and that someone had done this to you. You were the best person he knew and he adored you. More than he'd ever tell you. Every instinct he had was screaming at him to keep you safe and to beat the ever-loving shit out of John. "You still with me, sweets?" he asked softly.
You nodded and attempted to smile at him. You winced in pain as the action made your split lip throb.
Bucky winced. "Maybe let's keep the facial expressions to a minimum, yeah?"
You nodded again. "Probably best," you mumbled.
Bucky pulled into the emergency room parking lot and helped you out of the car. As you walked through the front door, people turned to look at the two of you. When you reached the front desk, Bucky began to explain what happened, but the nurse asked him to step back and beckoned you to the side.
"Miss, what happened?" she asked.
"My boyfriend beat me," you whispered softly, shame covering your face.
"Is that your boyfriend?"
You shook your head. "He's my brother's best friend."
The nurse nodded. "So he didn't hurt you?"
You shook your head again. "No, he's the one who insisted we come here."
"Good. We need to make sure you don't have any serious injuries, okay? Go ahead and have a seat. We'll be with you soon."
You and Bucky took your seats and he leaned over to ask you what the nurse said. "She wanted to make sure you weren't the one who hurt me."
He nodded. "I would never hurt you. Never." He said it with such conviction that you were a little surprised.
You didn't have to wait very long to be seen by a doctor. When your name was called, Bucky tried to follow you, but the nurse told him he had to wait in the waiting room. Panic lit up your face and you said quickly, "I need him."
The nurse glanced at you and she could see the anxiety on your face. She nodded her head and gestured for Bucky to follow.
Once you were in a room, the nurse took your vitals and preliminary information. Eventually, the doctor came in to begin her exam. "Hello, Miss (Y/L/N). How are you feeling today?"
"Not great," you said softly.
The doctor nodded. "Can you tell me what happened?"
"I got in a fight with my boyfriend." The doctor glanced over at Bucky, but you shook your head quickly. "Not him."
The doctor relaxed a little and turned her attention back to you. "What started the fight?"
"We got into an argument. He accused me of cheating on him and he got really angry when I insisted that I wasn't. He'd been drinking. He was just really angry," you trailed off.
"Angry or not, he shouldn't have hit you. What exactly did he do?"
You were clearly uncomfortable, so Bucky stepped forward and took your hand gently. "Just go slowly, (Y/N). It's okay. You're safe."
You relaxed slightly. "He hit me in the face several times. He wears this big ring on his right hand and it cut my cheek. He pulled me by my hair and dragged me onto the floor so he could kick me. I think he got my arm when I tried to protect my stomach. Then he just walked away and left me there." You paused. "When I felt strong enough, I got up, grabbed my keys, and drove to my brother's apartment."
"This is your brother?" the doctor asked.
Bucky shook his head. "No ma'am, I'm his roommate. Her brother wasn't home, but I thought she needed to come to the hospital."
"That was a good call. Especially if he managed to get a kick into your torso. We want to make sure you don't have any internal injuries. And it sounds like your arm might be injured as well." She stood up and got a closer look at your face. "Your face appears to look worse than it actually is, which is good. Just some bruising, swelling, and minor cuts. We'll make sure they're nice and cleaned up before you go so we can reduce the likelihood of an infection."
"Bucky already cleaned them a little," you said softly.
The doctor smiled. "It seems like you've got yourself a good friend."
You looked at Bucky. He looked nervous, but he shot you a warm smile. "Yeah, I think you're right," you murmured.
The doctor picked up your right arm and you gasped. "I can't be sure if it's a fracture or a break until we get an x-ray. I'll go order that and be right back."
You took a deep breath and watched as the doctor left the room. "Thanks for brining me here, Bucky."
"No way was I gonna let you out-stubborn me." You laughed for the first time all evening and it made Bucky smile. He'd always loved your laugh, but it was a rare sound lately. He actually couldn't remember the last time he'd heard it. "I miss that laugh."
Surprise lit up your face and he blushed slightly. He hadn't intended to say it out loud, but when your lips curved into a small smile, his heart started beating normally again. "I kind of miss it too."
"Ever since you started dating John, you've just seemed...sadder, somehow. You were always so bubbly and fun when we were kids."
You shrugged. "I guess I didn't really realize how much I'd changed until it was too late."
"It's never too late."
You looked up at him. "I don't feel like myself. I haven't for years. I don't know if I'll ever get that back."
He squeezed your hand gently. "You will. Steve and I will help you. We're the ones who know you best."
The mention of your brother's name brought you back to reality. Bucky was your friend, sure, but that was it. That's all it had ever been. You were his best friend's kid sister. Nothing more. A part of you had always had a crush on Bucky, even while you were with John, but that was something you would never act on. It would be too awkward for your brother if his best friend rejected you.
"Hey sweets, where's that head at?"
You shook your head to clear your thoughts. "Sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts." You were saved from having to explain more by the entrance of a hospital tech.
"Hi, Miss (Y/L/N). I'm here to take you for your x-ray."
Bucky promised to be there when you returned, so you allowed the tech to lead you to radiology for your x-ray.
30 minutes after the exam, you had your results in hand, your cuts cleaned, and a prescription to prevent infection and help with the pain.
Bucky helped you into the car before sliding into the driver's seat. "At least it's not broken," he said gently.
"It's fractured in two places, Buck," you mumbled.
He sighed and looked at the brace they'd put on your arm. It was just to help support the bone as it healed, but it would serve as a reminder of what happened to you for a long time even after the bruises had faded and the cuts healed.
When the two of you arrived back at the apartment, Bucky insisted once again that you take his bed. You tried to refuse, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. "You're the one with several injuries, (Y/N/N). I will happily take the couch."
You sighed. "Fine, but I'm only agreeing to this because you're so damn stubborn and I'm too tired to argue."
He grinned. "I'll take the win." He gestured for you to follow him to his bedroom. "You can borrow some of my clothes to sleep in."
You blushed slightly and prayed that he didn't notice. The idea of wearing his clothes warmed your whole body. You watched him pull a t-shirt and sweatpants out of his drawer and set them on the bed. "These are definitely too big for you, but I hope they'll work for now. Steve and I will go to your place and pack up your stuff tomorrow."
"These will work," you said as you picked up the shirt. "Thank you." You stared at him in silence for a moment before he caught on.
"Shit, sorry! I'll leave so you can change. Just yell if you need anything."
When he walked out of the room, you couldn't help but chuckle. For such a smart man, he could be dense as hell. You started to try and take your shirt off, but you gasped as pain radiated down your arm. You tried lifting your arm again, but the pain only intensified. You sighed angrily, realizing you weren't getting the damn shirt off without help. The last thing you wanted to do was ask Bucky to take your shirt off, but you didn't have another option...unless you wanted to cut the damn thing off.
You poked your head out of his room and called his name softly. "Bucky?"
He appeared quickly from the kitchen. "What'cha need sweets?"
"I um...I can't get my shirt off," you mumbled uncomfortably.
His eyes widened and a slight blush colored his cheeks. "Oh, um. Do you want me to help?"
You nodded. "It hurts my arm too much, but I wanted to get a shower before I go to bed, so it has to come off."
Bucky looked nervous, but he agreed to help you. He followed you back into his room and you turned away from him in an attempt to have more privacy.
"Umm, doll?"
"Yeah?"
"You kinda have to face me...your arm is in the front."
You froze for a second before turning around. "Right..."
"Hey, I'll keep my eyes on your face, okay? I just need to get it over your arm first," he said in an attempt to put you at ease.
You nodded your head and lifted your left arm over your head for him.
"Okay, sweets. I'm gonna have to move the right arm. I'll go as slowly as I can, okay?"
"Just do it quickly so I can get it over with."
He sighed. "Alright, on three. One--" He quickly lifted your arm into the air as gently as he could while simultaneously pulling your shirt up and over your head and arms.
You gasped in pain, but Bucky was lowering your arm immediately after the pain registered in your brain. Your shirt was on the floor and you were standing before the guy you'd had a crush on since 6th grade in nothing but a bra and jeans. The embarrassment brought a dark blush to your face.
Bucky's eyes never left your face, although he really really wanted to look down. He cleared his throat lightly. "Need anything else, doll?"
You started to shake your head when an uncomfortable realization came over you. "I uh, I can't--I mean, I umm..."
He raised an eyebrow as he watched your face. "Yes?"
"My bra..." you whispered. "I can't unclasp it."
"Oh," he said, his cheeks darkening. "Umm...turn around." When you turned your back to him, he finally let his eyes slide down your body. His heart clenched at the sight of several bruises on your back that appeared to be in various stages of healing. With dexterous fingers, he quickly unclasped your bra and then turned away from you so you could have privacy. "You can turn around now. I'll be in the living room if you need anything, but before I go, I need to know something."
"Okay..." you said softly as you turned to face his back.
"How many times has he hit you?"
You realized you probably had old bruises on your back, along with a couple scars from various "fights" with John. You sighed softly. "Too many to count, Buck," you said honestly.
His back tensed and he let out a low sound that you could only equate to a growl. "Does Steve know?"
"No. I never told him. I never told anyone."
Bucky sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Don't keep shit like that from me anymore, okay? Don't keep it from Steve either. We both care about you and there is no way in hell that either one of us would have allowed John to remain above ground if we'd known."
"I know," you whispered.
He could hear the tears in your voice and he desperately wanted to pull you into a tight hug, but he knew it would be awkward given your half-naked state. "I'm going to hug you when it's less awkward, but I just want you to know that I care about you, okay? A lot."
Your heart skipped a beat and you closed your eyes. "Thank you, Bucky."
He nodded. "Okay, I'm gonna leave the room now. Go get your shower and then I'll help you with whatever you need."
"Okay, thanks." He left the room and you slowly stripped off your remaining clothes before climbing into the shower. You stood under the spray, letting the hot water sooth your sore body. You would have happily stayed in the shower for hours, if the hot water hadn't turned to luke warm.
You sighed as you turned off the shower and slowly dried off as best as you could given your current state. Your arm was aching, but at least the pain meds had finally started to kick in. You went back into Bucky's bedroom and pulled his sweatpants on easily. When it came to putting on a shirt, however, your arm once again acted as a painful obstacle. You refused to ask him for even more help, so you pulled on the shirt as slowly as possible, biting your lip to keep from crying out in pain.
Once you were fully dressed, you stepped out into the living room in search of Bucky, and maybe something to eat. Bucky was sitting on the couch watching something on TV and he looked up when you walked in. His eyes widened slightly and his jaw went slack as he looked at you. He didn't say anything for a moment and you started to feel uncomfortable under his gaze.
"Umm, you okay Buck?"
He realized he'd been staring and he shook his head and cleared his throat. "Um, yeah. Sorry, sweets. I was--umm...did you enjoy your shower?"
You nodded. "Yeah, I could've stayed in there for hours."
Bucky was still looking at you oddly and you weren't sure why. You were tired and achey, and you couldn't help but ask him what was up. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"There's just something about seeing you in my clothes..." he trailed off.
Your eyebrows raised and you stared at him in silence. You didn't know what to say to that or exactly how to interpret it.
Bucky clearly realized what he'd said a moment too late. His face blushed dark red and he looked away from you. "Sorry, I uh, I shouldn't have said anything."
You moved further into the room and sat down on the chair across from him. "You didn't really say anything, so it's okay."
Bucky looked at you in surprise. "Did you miss what I said?"
You chuckled lightly. "I think my ears are the one thing that still work perfectly." You paused. "Was there more to your statement than I thought?"
Bucky looked away from you again. "I don't know if we should be talking about this right now."
"You're the one that brought it up. I could use something to take my mind off of everything anyway."
Bucky sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Steve's been my best friend since we were little kids. I've known you basically my whole life. I always thought you were fun and sweet, but you were Steve's little sister, ya know?"
You nodded, not entirely sure where he was going with this. Or maybe you just didn't want to get your hopes up.
"But then we went to college and you graduated high school and things changed. I started looking at you differently. I wanted to say something to you when you graduated college...but then you started dating John and I just...I hated it. I hated him. And that was even before I knew what a jackass he was."
"You warned me, but I didn't want to listen," you said softly.
Bucky sighed. "I know, but it's a little more complicated than that, isn't it? Love is blind."
"Is it? Or was I just ignorant?"
"Maybe both, but you're still the smartest woman I know."
You chuckled. "I love the compliments, Buck, even if you're full of shit."
"There's that laugh again. My favorite sound in the world."
You inhaled sharply and he blushed. "Your favorite?"
Bucky nodded. "You're my favorite, so it's not too far of a stretch..."
You just looked at Bucky in silence, mentally begging him to continue.
"Look, I know this is terrible timing, but I can't sit here and pretend that I don't feel what I feel. I've adored you for years, (Y/N). You're my favorite person in the entire world, even over Steve. Seeing you in pain is the worst thing I've ever experienced. Just knowing that John did this to you...it makes me see red. You deserve the world, (Y/N/N)."
Tears had formed in your eyes while he spoke. "What are you saying, Bucky?"
He looked at you with warm eyes. "I think you know, doll."
"I need to hear you say it," you whispered.
Bucky took a deep breath. "I love you, (Y/N). I've loved you for years. I loved you before I even really knew what love was. Seeing you with anyone else broke my heart, but seeing you with John...I don't even have words, (Y/N)."
You stood up and walked over to him, kneeling on the ground in front of him. You took his hand in yours and squeezed it. "I wish you would have told me sooner."
"Would it have changed anything?" he whispered.
"It would have changed everything."
He looked at you in surprise, blue eyes filled with hope. "What...I mean, do you...?"
"I think you know," you said softly, echoing his earlier words.
"Please, doll." He sounded scared to have hope.
"I fell in love with you a long time ago, Buck. My feelings for you have never changed."
He touched your face as gently as possible. "I'm dying to kiss you, sweets, but I don't want to hurt you."
"Just be gentle," you whispered. "I don't want to wait for it to heal."
He leaned forward and placed his lips against yours with the gentlest affection you'd ever received. He held the kiss as long as he could without moving so he wouldn't hurt you. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours. "I've wanted to do that for years, but I promise you I'll kiss you breathless once you heal...if you let me."
You nodded your head, "I would love that."
He smiled and kissed your forehead sweetly. "How about we get you in bed, huh? You need to get some rest."
You nodded and allowed him to help you up off the floor. He guided you to his room and helped you into the bed. He kissed your cheek, avoiding the cut that remained there.
"Goodnight, doll. If you need anything, I'll be on the couch."
He started to leave, but you grabbed his hand with your good arm. "Please stay," you whispered.
He looked conflicted. "Are you sure, doll? Last thing I wanna do is make you uncomfortable."
"I don't wanna be alone. Please, Buck."
He never could tell you no, so he crawled into the bed beside you and reached over you to turn off the light. You rolled over so your back was to him and he laid still beside you, afraid to touch you, despite your earlier conversation.
"Bucky?"
"Yeah, sweets?"
"You can touch me."
He laughed lightly and rolled over so his front was against your back. He slowly wrapped his metal arm around your waist. "Am I hurting you?"
You shook your head and settled back against him, ensuring his body was flush against yours. He kissed your shoulder and whispered, "Goodnight, (Y/N)."
"Goodnight, Bucky. Thank you."
"For what?"
"For saving me from myself."
He kissed your shoulder again. "Always, (Y/N/N). Always."
