I'm Taylor, geek extraordinaire. Alright people, in simple terms, this blog is a giant mix of all things fandom. I write fanfiction, including smut…requests are open!
https://ko-fi.com/fatecantstopme
Here's my fanfiction Masterlist! Read all warnings for each fic please.
Buy Me a Coffee 💜
🥵 = Smut
😬 = Angst
🥰 = Fluff
The Sandman
Morpheus
Am I Dreaming? (🥵🥰😬)
Let Me Remind You (🥵🥰😬)
My Hope (🥰😬)
Endless Rapture (🥵😬)
Dream's Desire (🥵🥰😬)
Need (🥵🥰)
Marvel
Bucky Barnes Masterlist
Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes (Non-Stucky)
Wish You Were (🥵🥰😬)
Stucky
Don't Stop (🥵🥰)
You're Ours (🥵🥰)
Steve Rogers
Bring Me Back to Life (🥵😬)
Happy New Year, Babe (🥵🥰)
All I Want Is You (🥵🥰😬)
Crossed Wires (🥵😬)
Thor
Goddess of Thunder (🥵)
Supernatural
Dean Winchester
She's My Siren (🥵🥰)
This Isn't Real (🥵😬🥰)
Not Yours to Take (😬🥰)
Spell Bound (🥵🥰)
Changed (🥵😬🥰)
Truth Serum (🥵🥰)
Take Your Time (😬🥰)
What I'd Give (🥵😬🥰)
Unattached Drifter Christmas (🥵🥰)
Not Good Enough (🥵😬🥰)
My Past, My Present, My Future (🥵😬🥰)
Help Me Remember (🥵😬🥰)
Fiend (🥵😬)
Picture Myself Happy (🥵😬🥰)
I'd Burn For You (🥵😬🥰)
TVD/The Originals
Elijah Mikaelson
The Original and The Anthropologist (🥵😬🥰)
All My Life (🥰😬)
Twisters
Tyler Owens
All I Want Is You (🥵🥰)
Destination: Motel Feelings (🥵😬🥰)
Happen to Me (🥵😬🥰)
Riverdale
FP Jones
The Serpent Queen (🥵)
Remember Me Series
Part One (🥵😬🥰)
Part Two (😬🥰)
The Pitt
Michael "Robby" Robinavitch
Jealous Heart (🥵🥰)
Don't Tempt Me (🥵🥰)
What You're Asking Me (🥵😬)
Running in Place (🥵😬🥰)
Smitten Series
Part One (😬)
Part Two (😬🥵)
Part Three (😬)
Part Four (😬🥰)
Part Five (😬🥰)
Part Six (🥵🥰)
Jack Abbot
Healing Touch (🥵😬🥰)
Calling It Friends (🥵😬🥰)
NCIS
Jethro Gibbs
Can't Wait (🥰)
Law and Order: SVU
Elliot Stabler
If I Had to Choose...I'd Choose You (🥵😬🥰)
The Connection (🥵😬🥰)
That's Not What I See (🥵🥰)
Love is Never Easy (🥵😬🥰)
Rafael Barba
Still Perfect (🥵😬🥰)
Better Together (🥵😬🥰)
Late Night Brilliance (🥵🥰)
Nick Amaro
I Can't Walk Away (🥵😬🥰)
Trust Changes Everything (🥵🥰)
Criminal Minds
Aaron Hotchner
Undercover (🥵😬🥰)
Never Do That Again (🥵😬🥰)
I Can't Lose You Series
Part One (😬🥰)
Part Two (😬)
Part Three (😬🥰)
Part Four (🥵😬🥰)
Part Five (Pending)
Luke Alvez
Don't Take The Girl (🥵😬🥰)
RPF
Henry Cavill
Just You Wait (🥵🥰)
My Favorite Cardio (🥵)
Chris Evans
Fake It Til You Make it (🥵😬🥰)
If I Love You Too Much, I'm Sorry (🥵🥰)
Hey babes, here's my masterlist for all Bucky fics! Please read the warnings for each individual fic.
🥵 = Smut
😬 = Angst
🥰 = Fluff
Bucky Barnes
Unrequited Love (🥵)
Give Me What I Want (🥵)
How Could I Not? (🥵🥰😬)
The Birthday (🥵)
If Only (😬🥵)
I've Made Mistakes (🥵😬🥰)
One More (🥵)
Hello Gorgeous (🥵😬)
We Were Never Just Friends (🥵😬🥰)
I Thought It Was Gonna Be Me (🥵😬🥰)
Turning Tables (🥵)
Life Finds a Way (😬🥰)
Not Afraid to Love You (😬🥵)
Love Marks (🥵🥰)
I Was Thinking Maybe, Eight? (🥵😬)
Why Wait? (🥵😬)
Your Past Is Not Our Future (🥵😬)
Before I Knew What Love Was (🥵🥰😬)
The Wink (🥵)
From Past to Future (🥵😬)
Lustful Agony (🥵🥰😬)
Pretty Little Thing (🥵🥰😬)
Lust, Love, and Chaos (🥵🥰😬)
Were You Dreaming About Me? (🥵)
Anything For You (🥵🥰😬)
Come Back To Me (🥵🥰😬)
DBF!BuckySeries:
Aged to Perfection (🥵)
My Forever (🥵🥰😬)
BBF!Bucky Series:
Save Me From Myself (🥰😬)
I've Got You (🥰😬)
My Whole Heart (🥵)
Summary: Jack Abbot is your best friend in the entire world, until one day he isn't.
Warnings: cursing, use of pet names, age gap (approximately 20 years), quite a bit of discussion of Jack's prosthetic/residual limb. SMUT, oral (F receiving), unprotected sex (P in V), multiple orgasms, squirting.
Having a best friend is totally normal. Having a best friend that's older than you--also normal. Having an opposite gender best friend that's technically old enough to be your father--perhaps a little out of the ordinary.
But that didn't stop you from befriending Jack Abbot the second you met him on your first day as an intern at PTMC. Technically, you befriended nearly every single person you met--something about that bubbly personality of yours made it impossible to resist.
Jack would know better than most. After all, he tried to resist your charms. He lasted about an hour and a half before you'd managed to pull him into your orbit on a permanent basis.
Fast forward four years and he was now your closest confidant, your staunchest supporter, and your absolute all-time favorite human being. If someone asked him what he thought of you, he'd spend 20 minutes talking about how brilliant, competent, kind, beautiful--every positive adjective under the sun--you were.
You'd been asked countless times why you'd selected a man almost 20 years your senior as your best friend and your response never changed, "He sees my flaws and doesn't run". To be fair, Jack would never acknowledge you had any flaws to begin with, but the deeper meaning remained true--he loved the darkest parts of you no matter what. That's what friends do.
As far as you were concerned, your friendship with Jack was just like any other--the only difference was his age. Neither of you gave a damn, so it was never really a topic of conversation or concern.
Other people, however, loved to comment on it. Especially when you went out together. The initial assumption was always that he was your dad, but once that was dispelled the automatic next conclusion was that he was a creepy old sugar daddy. While he did often pay when you went out, there was certainly no arrangement--caring for people was simply Jack's love language.
He'd buy you drinks without a second thought, pay for meals regardless of how expensive, and buy you gifts when he saw something that made him think of you--it was just his way.
There was obviously nothing going on romantically between the two of you, as evidenced by the number of suitors you managed to date in all the free time you definitely didn't have.
You were more likely to swipe right than left these days, as you were convinced there had to be someone for you out there. You'd told Jack you had to take a chance on some of these guys or you'd end up dying alone. He'd been hilariously offended at the implication--as if he would ever allow you to die alone. You were best friends, after all.
It wasn't uncommon for you to waltz into the Pitt still wearing whatever outfit you'd chosen for a date, but it was extremely uncommon for you to have anything positive to say about the date itself. Everyone wanted to hear the updates as if they were living vicariously through you. Even some of the day shift staff would hang around to get the latest scoop.
"He spent an hour talking about his sneaker collection. An entire hour," you whined to Trinity as you tossed your bag into your locker.
"And you wonder why I like women..."
You rolled your eyes. "Because you were born that way?"
She laughed as she tugged her backpack over her shoulders. "That and men are so weird."
"All men?" Jack joked as he appeared beside you.
"All the ones I've gone on dates with in the past month," you confirmed with a wry chuckle.
"Honey, you've got the worst taste in men I've ever seen." He shot you a playful wink. "You can do way better than those apps."
"You try meeting someone these days outside of an app," you grumbled. "It's literally the only option."
Jack laughed and leaned forward conspiratorially. "You know I'm single too right? I've gotta suffer those apps just like you do."
"Jack Abbot you're about as likely to be on a dating app as Robby is to get married."
Jack laughed even harder, shaking his head ruefully. "You've got me there. I didn't even really know how it worked until you showed me."
"Well you are 140 years old," Trinity mumbled under her breath.
"But I'm not deaf," he sassed with a wink.
"If you're gonna flirt at least do it in front of Garcia. Maybe you'll make her jealous."
They both glared at you, but the expressions held no real malice.
You grinned ear to ear and grabbed your scrubs. "I'm gonna go change, then we can revel in the brilliant chaos of the nightshift, my beloved comrade in arms."
Jack matched your grin and Trinity just shook her head. "You guys are so weird."
"That's why we're on the nightshift, kid."
"Yeah, yeah. The rest of us want some semblance of a normal life."
"Why do that when you could experience the wilds of the night?" Jack joked, stretching his arms out to gesture around him. "This is where the fun's at." He backed up towards the nurse's station, grin never faltering.
Trinity just shook her head again with a chuckle. "Weirdos."
When you came back out dressed in your scrubs, you found Jack leaning against the nurse's station chatting with Lena.
"So how bad was this one, sweetheart?" Lena asked sweetly as you approached.
"I think I said a grand total of six words the entire date. The rest was him talking about the merits of Nike versus Adidas sneakers."
Jack wrinkled his nose and Lena chuckled with a shake of her head. "How do you manage to find so many strange men?"
"Honestly, I think it's a gift," you grumbled with a shrug.
"Or a curse," Jack muttered under his breath.
You smacked his chest affectionately. "Hey!"
"Ow. Rude."
Lena rolled her eyes at your antics. "Okay, both of you get to work before Shen comes over here and regales us with his latest story."
"Aren't you in charge?" you joked, elbowing Jack in the side.
"Yeah--you can't tell me what to do."
Lena raised a brow, a small smirk on her lips.
Jack stood up straight and saluted her. "Yes, ma'am."
You shot Lena a wink and she shook her head at you, but her smile widened. God you loved the nightshift.
A few hours later, you and Ellis were chatting instead of catching up on your charting.
"Maybe we should go out on our next night off," Ellis suggested.
"To a bar?"
"Yes, a bar."
You groaned. "I hate picking up men in bars."
She shrugged. "Pick up a woman instead."
"I'm starting to think you and Trinity are trying to convert me."
Her lips spread into a grin. "I'm just saying, if you ever wanna try something new..."
You laughed loudly enough to draw Jack's attention from the other side of the room. He smiled when his gaze landed on you, affectionate evident to anyone who cared to look.
"I promise you'll be the first to know." You shot her a wink as you stood up. "And maybe we should go out. We can drag Jack with us. I'm sure he needs to get laid too."
"Ew. I so do not need to think about our boss getting laid."
"Why not? He's a human man, Parker. He's got needs." Your teasing voice didn't stop the look of disgust from crossing Ellis's face.
"And I repeat: ew."
"What're we 'ew-ing'?" Jack asked from behind you.
"Parker suggested we go out to a bar--have a little fun, pick up some guys or gals." You shrugged. "I simply said you should come too because you need to get laid."
A look of pure shock crossed Jack's face for a split second before he burst out laughing. "Jesus, sweetheart."
"What? I'm just saying. It's been ages."
"I don't think Ellis wanted to know that."
"I truly did not."
"There's nothing to be ashamed of! We all have needs," you insisted.
"I'm not ashamed."
"You're just so...old fashioned about it. We can talk about sex without it being awkward."
Jack groaned loudly and ran his hand through his hair. "Just because you're comfortable talking about your escapades doesn't mean we are."
"Escapades?" You gave a mock gasp. "You're making it sound like I'm out whoring around."
"I so did not say that!"
You grinned and gave his arm an affectionate squeeze. "I'm kidding. You've heard all my failed date stories. I haven't even seen a man's penis outside of a medical context or an unsolicited dick pick in over a year."
Ellis's jaw dropped. "A year?!"
You shot her a glare. "Yes, Parker. A year. I'm a celibate monk. It's my new thing."
"Girl. You need to get properly dicked down."
"Jesus," Jack muttered, a light dusting of pink gracing his cheeks.
"You know," you leaned forward conspiratorially. "I've never even come during sex. Not once."
"Okaaaaaay," Jack muttered. "And that's my cue."
"You're no fun!" you called after him.
Laughter echoed from behind him as he walked away, a strange feeling settling in his chest. You'd talked about your dates, your exes, even sex with Jack a hundred times, but lately he's begun to feel differently about it.
He couldn't identify exactly when the shift started to happen, but the last month or two had been different for him. Two months ago, after a night out with you, he'd come home and stared at himself in the mirror for a long time. Longer than he'd done in years.
He'd made a realization that night. One he hadn't been sure he'd ever reach. It had been weeks since he'd thought about his wife, months since he'd missed her so much it hurt. He would always love her, but it no longer hurt to think about her. He didn't feel lost. He didn't feel broken. He didn't fall apart on her birthday or their anniversary. Somehow, some way, his heart had healed.
He'd looked down at the wedding band on his finger--the one he'd never taken off. For the first time since she passed away, he slid the ring from his finger. He stared at his left hand in silence, processing what it meant. He'd placed the ring in a box in his safe and locked it. It felt like he was closing one chapter of his life and finally allowing himself to step into a new one.
You'd noticed the very next day.
"Jackie, where's your ring?"
He glanced down at his hand. "I took it off."
"Yes...I can see that. But why?"
"I think it's time for me to move forward with my life."
You'd wrapped him in a tight hug and pulled him close, somehow knowing he needed that hug--needed to feel the closeness of another human being. Neither of you had really discussed it since, but he finally felt like he was ready to date--to meet someone new.
Sometimes, when he laid awake unable to sleep, he'd let his mind wander. Let it explore possibilities he'd never acknowledge outside the four walls of his bedroom.
He'd imagine building a life with someone new. He'd picture meeting someone, letting himself fall in love all over again. What he would never admit, never acknowledge, was in those moments, in the darkness of his room, he always pictured you.
You were the woman he imagined building a life with. The one he wanted to fall asleep wrapped around, the one he sometimes dreamed of marrying. On his worst days, he'd even let himself picture having a family--kids--with you.
He would never tell you. Never even admit it to himself in his waking hours. You were his best friend--he couldn't break your trust by falling in love with you.
But it was getting harder and harder to ignore. Like today. When you made jokes about your love life and Jack couldn't help but think to himself that he would treat you right. Or when you joked about not getting laid and all he could think about was worshipping your body--pulling orgasm after orgasm from you until you were a satiated mess beneath him.
He hated himself for thinking those things. Each time the thought crossed his mind, he felt like he was betraying you. You were friends and that's why you shared things with him. He had no right to imagine anything with you, but he couldn't bring himself to create distance between you either. You were his best friend as much as he was yours.
He let out a groan as he sunk into a chair beside Lena.
"Leg bothering you?" she asked gently.
"Just tired."
The look on her face made it clear she didn't believe him, but she made no further comment. If he wanted to open up, he would.
"Maybe I'm just getting old," he muttered.
She chuckled dryly. "You and me both."
And there it was. The other thing he hated himself for. He was old enough to be your father, yet here he was fantasizing about you. He wasn't sure if it was better or worse that it wasn't just sex he dreamed about--but of actually being with you. It was enough to make him wanna put his head through a wall.
Being friends was perfectly acceptable. Perfectly normal. Perfectly reasonable. Wanting you, on the other hand--loving you--was not. He didn't wanna be one of those creepy men that liked younger women for whatever pervy reason their deranged brains came up with. He sure as shit didn't want you to be uncomfortable and he would rather die than lose your friendship.
The first four years had been easy. The thought of crossing a line had never occurred to him. Friendship was all he wanted from you--and it's all you wanted from him. The last two months, however, had been hell. He spent every waking moment wishing you were his, and every sleepless day dreaming of you.
So if you told him you wanted to go to a bar and find some random dude to hook up with, he'd go with you. He'd make sure whoever you went home with wasn't a total creep and he'd support you in whatever way you needed--even if it killed him.
"Jackie, can I borrow you for a second?"
He looked up, meeting your slightly nervous expression. "Sure, sweetheart. Everything okay?"
"I need your opinion on this patient, please."
He suppressed another groan as he stood up and followed after you, listening as you described the patient's symptoms. Back to work he went.
**********
"Okay, how 'bout this one?" You came out of your closet in yet another dress option you were modeling for Ellis and Santos.
"Maybe something a little sluttier?" Ellis suggested. "We are trying to attract a man here."
"What's wrong with this one?" you whined, looking down at the black dress.
"It's boring," Trinity groaned. "Let me look."
She jumped up and dove into your closet, digging through the dress options until she found one she liked. "Put this one on."
You paled slightly at the dress she held up. You'd bought it on a whim, but never wore it. It was short--like whole ass gonna hang out if you bend over short--and extremely low cut. It was a deep burgundy color that looked gorgeous on you, but it made you insanely nervous to wear it in public.
"I can't wear that."
She frowned. "Why'd you buy it then?"
"I thought it looked hot in the store!"
"It looks hot from here too," Parker commented with a grin.
You shot her a glare over your shoulder.
"Just try it on. If you hate it, you don't have to wear it," Trinity insisted.
You groaned as you grabbed it from her. "Fine."
You stepped into the closet and pulled the dress on. It was just as short as you remembered, but you'd forgotten how perfectly it hugged your curves. You stared at yourself in the mirror for a moment, admiring how good your body looked in the dress.
"You coming out or did you get lost in there?" Parker called.
You rolled your eyes before stepping out. Both women fell completely silent as they stared at you. You chewed on your bottom lip nervously as you waited for one of them to speak.
"Fucking christ," Trinity swore under her breath.
"You're good," Parker commented, sticking out her fist for Trinity to bump.
"Damn right I am."
"So...this is the one?" you asked.
"Obviously."
"Clearly."
"It's not too much?"
"I'd argue it's too little," Parker teased.
Trinity smacked her arm. "She's self-conscious."
Parker stood up and crossed the room. "You look gorgeous, okay?" She gave you a hug. "Now let's go find you a man."
"Is Jack meeting us there?" Trinity asked.
You shook your head. "He's picking us up. He's the DD tonight."
"Bless him," she muttered.
You grabbed your phone to see if he'd texted you. Unsurprisingly, you had an alert for a text from him.
Jackie: I'll be there in 10 minutes, sweetheart.
You: See you soon! <3
The three of you were waiting in the lobby when you heard the rumble of Jack's truck as he pulled up in front of the apartment complex. You straightened your dress, suddenly feeling incredibly nervous for Jack to see you. What if he thought the dress was too slutty? Would he judge you? Say something about it?
You couldn't quite put your finger on why the thought of him hating the dress bothered you so much, but you tried to push the concern away.
"You alright?" Parker asked.
"Mhmm."
"Hey." She turned you toward her. "You look beautiful, okay? Take a deep breath."
You breathed with her, relaxing as you did.
"Excellent. Now let's go give Jack a heart attack."
You groaned, but both girls laughed. You shook your head at their antics as you followed them into the parking lot.
Unsurprisingly, Jack was standing outside his truck, waiting on the three of you. He was always such a gentleman--he never let you (or any woman for that matter) open the car door.
He opened the rear passenger door for Santos and Ellis to climb in before turning back in your direction. As soon as he did, his entire body went rigid.
You swallowed thickly as you watched him take in your appearance. His gaze traced down and back up your body, but he didn't make you feel uncomfortable. Instead you felt a surprising heat settle low in your abdomen--a heat you hadn't felt in a long time.
"You look..."
You bit your lip as you waited for him to find the adjective he wanted.
"Stunning," he breathed.
A dark blush crept into your cheeks. "Thanks, Jackie. You look handsome as always."
He rolled his eyes fondly, opened the passenger door, and helped you inside.
You hadn't been lying. He did look good. He always looked good, but you especially liked him dressed down. He was wearing dark jeans, a slightly too-tight black t-shirt, and boots. A simple outfit, but on him it might as well have been couture.
You sometimes joked about the woes of having a hot best friend. You always told him you'd have to beat the ladies back with a stick, even when he was still wearing his wedding ring.
"How much trouble are you three planning on getting into tonight?" Jack asked as he started the truck.
"That depends," Trinity answered.
"On?"
"How quickly we find (Y/N) a suitable lover for the night."
"Oh my god," you muttered under your breath.
Jack laughed loudly. "Jesus, Santos."
"What? We established that was the goal for tonight!"
"Maybe we don't word it quite like that in front of Jack," Ellis chided with a small grin.
"Thank you, Ellis. Decorum." Jack's voice was light and teasing, but you swore you heard a little undercurrent of strain.
"Decorum? Really? Sounds like we need to get you laid too."
"Fucking hell," he muttered with a laugh. "Were you pregaming, kid?"
Santos grinned wickedly. "You bet your ass I was."
"I'm so glad you're not on the nightshift." He shot you a wink and you smiled in return.
That smile stole his heart for the thousandth time. It was his all-time favorite look of yours. He'd kill to see it every day for the rest of his life.
When you arrived, the four of you immediately gathered at the bar, ready to get some liquid courage--or maybe that was just for you. You ordered a drink and dug into your small bag for your credit card to open a tab.
Before you could even get it out, Jack was sliding his card across the bar. "I've got it, sweetheart."
"I was gonna start a tab."
"And?"
"Well, I don't know how much I'm going to drink."
He gave you an odd look then turned back to the bartender. "Put all her drinks on my card for the night."
"Jack--"
"Don't complain about free drinks," Trinity muttered from your other side.
You sighed. "Fine, but I'm only having two drinks."
"Suit yourself," Ellis said with a smile. "I plan on having at least four."
Jack got himself a water and leaned back against the bar so he could look around. You were holding your small bag in front of you, hands fiddling with the strap nervously. "Gimme your bag, sweetheart. I'll hold onto it for you."
"You sure?"
He held out his hand in response and you handed him the bag. Neither Ellis or Santos had brought one, but Santos did slip off her jacket and hand it to Jack.
"Go dance and have fun, ladies. I'll be over here if you need me."
Ellis and Santos made their way to the dance floor without argument. You, however, turned to face him, concern etched on your pretty face. "Is your leg hurting?"
Jack hated how well you knew him sometimes. "It's a little sore, but I'm alright." Just one more thing he wished were different. One more reason he wasn't good enough for you.
You stepped toward him, hand coming to rest on his forearm. "Jackie..."
"I'm fine, sweetheart," he assured you softly, placing a hand on top of yours and squeezing it. "Go have fun."
"I want you to have fun too."
"I'm here with you. What could be more fun than that?"
You huffed a laugh and rolled your eyes. "Cheesy as hell."
He merely grinned and waved you off. "Go on. Santos looks like she's two seconds from stomping over here to get you."
You looked over your shoulder and both women waved at you enthusiastically. "Alright...if you're sure?"
"Very. Go."
You gave him one last look, expression soft but unreadable. Then you were walking away and it took all of his self-control to not stare at the sway of your hips as you crossed the room.
The same could not be said for most of the other men in the bar. Several were eyeing you like you were prey--and they were apex predators. Jack didn't like the way their eyes on you made him feel, but he pushed the feeling down deep.
He told himself you were a big girl and you could take care of yourself, even if all he wanted to do was take care of you himself. His protective instincts had always flared up when you were around, but lately they'd risen to a new level of intensity.
It drove him crazy watching one guy after another approach you, but you turned each one away. Some of them took it well, others looked more than a little annoyed. Ellis and Santos never strayed too far from you, and Jack felt confident they would defend you if you needed it.
About 30 minutes later, you made your way back toward the bar, assumedly to get another drink, but to Jack's surprise, you eased your way to him.
"Having fun, sweetheart?"
You shrugged. "It's not as fun without you."
He chuckled in an attempt to cover the tightening in his chest. "I'm not a very good dancer on the best of days anyway."
"Maybe not, but your presence is always a welcome one."
"You've had plenty of potential dance partners come up to you," he teased softly.
"Yeah, but none of them are--" You bit your lip, stopping yourself mid-sentence. You'd been about to say 'none of them are you' when your brain caught up with your damn mouth. You'd had one drink--what the hell had gotten into you?
Jack raised an inquisitive eyebrow, but you waved him off. "I'm gonna get another drink."
"Use my card!" he called as you stalked off toward the bartender.
Jack wondered what you'd been about to say when you cut yourself off. He knew what he wanted you to say, but odds were not in his favor. You were probably just not interested in any of the men who'd approached you thus far, and that was just fine. Hell, a big part of him hoped none of them interested you. Ever.
As the night went on, you had a couple more drinks, but you were still mostly sober. Certainly too tipsy to drive, but not too intoxicated to make decisions.
At some point, you'd lost track of Ellis, but you weren't worried. If anyone could take care of themselves, it was her. Trinity was still close by, but you could tell she was a little off.
"Trin? You okay?"
"I texted Garcia."
You groaned. "We talked about this--"
"I know! I know. I just--I miss her."
Before you could say anything, her phone lit up. You knew by her facial expression exactly who it was.
"She's asking me to come over."
"Trinity..."
"I won't go if you don't want me to leave."
Honestly, you didn't want her to go, but that was more for her own heart than any needs of yours. But you couldn't bring yourself to tell her to stay. "Do you wanna go?"
She shifted on her feet--an answer in and of itself.
"Alright, fine. Go."
"Are you sure?"
"Go before I change my mind." You gave her a tight hug. "Be safe and text me when you get there."
"I will."
You watched her make her way through the growing crowd. You still had no idea where Parker was and you could no longer see Jack sitting at the bar. You decided to start in the direction you'd last seen him when someone bumped into you from the side.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry!"
You looked up at the man who'd run into you, jaw slackening slightly as you took him in. He was tall, incredibly handsome, and quite fit. You were sure your body should be responding to his attractiveness, but you felt nothing. No heat. No desire. Nada.
"That's alright," you said with a smile. "It's crowded."
He smiled back at you. "Yeah, a bit." He stuck out his hand for you to shake. "I'm Tyler."
You took it and offered your name.
"Could I buy you a drink?"
You debated it for a moment before deciding it couldn't hurt. "Sure."
His smile widened and he gestured for you to walk with him to the bar. He ordered himself a drink and then one for you. While the bartender made them, he turned his body toward you and began asking questions.
"You here with anyone?"
"Yeah, a couple of my friends." You glanced around. "They're somewhere in here."
He nodded. "Celebrating anything or just out for fun?"
"Just fun."
"It's my friend's birthday, but he's making out in a booth with some chick he met, so we've all kind of dispersed."
You chuckled, feeling slightly annoyed with yourself. The whole point of tonight was to get laid, and a perfectly attractive man was buying you a drink and chatting you up, but you felt absolutely nothing. Not even the hint of attraction.
"I saw you dancing earlier," he commented. "You've got moves."
You let out a genuine laugh. "Now you're just full of shit."
He laughed too. "I'm serious!"
You rolled your eyes with a smile. Your lips parted to make another joke, but out of the corner of your eye, you saw a flash of gray curls across the room. You felt your chest tighten as your head swung in that direction, instinctively drawn to him.
Your eyes landed on Jack as he was leaving the bathroom, weaving his way through the crowd back to his spot at the bar. You noted the slight limp in his step and your whole body ached for him. You hated seeing him in pain--you'd do anything to ease it. Anything.
Unbeknownst to you, your drink had arrived behind you, and Tyler was still chattering away. But from across the room, Jack's hazel eyes met yours and you felt your body awaken for the second time tonight. You inhaled sharply as his keen gaze swept over your face before he offered you a tight smile. You returned the expression, silently confirming you were okay.
"Your drink, madam."
You turned your attention back to Tyler and smiled as you took the drink from his hand. "Thank you."
You lifted the glass toward your lips, only to stop when you heard a sharp voice yell, "Don't drink that!"
A girl you didn't know appeared beside you and snatched the drink right out of your hand. You gasped in surprise. "Sorry?"
"He put something in your drink," she said with absolute certainty. "I saw him."
You looked up at Tyler and knew without a doubt the girl was correct. He looked angry, but beneath it was a shred of guilt you could just barely make out.
You took the drink back from the girl's hand and splashed it directly into Tyler's face. "Sick fuck," you snapped.
Tyler lunged at you, but a guy behind him pulled him back. The commotion got the bouncer's attention as well as Jack's, both of which moved toward your location with surprising haste.
The bouncer grabbed ahold of Tyler and pulled him away just as Jack reached your side. "Sweetheart--you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." You looked toward the girl who'd saved you. "Thanks for that. Seriously."
She gave you a small smile. "Happy to help." She eyed Jack warily. "You know him?"
For the first time in a while, a genuine smile spread across your lips. "Yeah. I'm safe with him."
She nodded and gave you a squeeze on the arm. "Stay safe."
"Thanks. You too." You watched as she walked off to rejoin her friends.
"What the hell happened?" Jack asked, bringing your attention back to him.
"Can you take me home?"
He looked slightly startled. "Of course." He flagged down the bartender. "Let me close out and we can go. Grab the girls, okay?"
"Trin left to go meet up with Garcia. I don't know where Parker is."
"She's over there." He gestured off to the left past the dance floor. "She was making out with some girl the last I saw."
"Okay, let me see if she's still over there."
Jack nodded and watched you weave through the crowd. His adrenaline had spiked when he heard the girl yell and again when he saw you splash your drink in some guy's face. He knew you were okay--but he still couldn't quite get his heart rate to return to normal.
You saw Ellis sitting in a booth, chatting with a very pretty woman. "Hey, Parker, Jackie and I are gonna head out. Do you wanna come?"
She turned to you and offered a warm smile. "I'm alright, (Y/N/N)."
You nodded. "Text me when you get home. Trin went to Garcia's."
She groaned and shook her head. "Of course she did." She stood up and gave you a tight hug. "Love you, be safe."
"I'll be with Jack." As you said it, you realized it was true--Jack was safe. More than that, Jack was your safe space, the place you went when the world felt unbearable. He'd protect you with his life--you wouldn't even have to ask. No one had ever made you feel as protected as Jack did.
A surge of heat blossomed in your stomach and you finally acknowledged the feeling for what it was--desire. You wanted Jack Abbot. Badly.
Parker was watching your face as realization sunk into you. "If you're done being an idiot, I suggest you go and get your man."
Your jaw dropped. "What?"
"Oh please. The two of you have been running circles around each other for months. It's high time one of you makes a damn move."
"How the hell did you know I wanted him before I even knew?!" you asked incredulously.
She shrugged. "It was obvious to everyone but the two of you. Shen and I talk about it all the time. We both noticed when you two stopped being best friends and became something more--even if neither of you knew it."
You were shocked straight down to your core. Absolutely floored. How did you have no idea you wanted him when everyone else could see it? "I-I have to go."
She laughed and gave you another hug. "Yeah I know. Get moving."
You squeezed her tightly before turning and practically bolting back in Jack's direction. How could you have been so stupid? So blind? Everything you'd ever wanted had been right in front of you.
You were so in your head you didn't even notice he was physically in front of you until you ran directly into his strong chest.
"Woah, easy there sweetheart." His hands gripped your arms to steady you.
"Can we go? Please?"
"Yeah, c'mon." He edged his body ahead of you to make a pathway to the door.
You followed along behind him, thinking about how incredible this man was. All the small things he'd done for you over the years, all the ways he made you feel understood, all the times he'd been there when you needed him.
You couldn't identify the exact moment things had changed for you, but tonight had been eye-opening. You didn't even know when you'd fallen in love with him--all you knew was that you had.
"Sweetheart, are you sure you're alright?" Jack asked softly as he held the passenger door open for you.
You hadn't even realized you'd made it outside--too lost in your thoughts to register anything in the real world. "I'm good, Jackie. Really good."
He eyed you for a moment before nodding his acceptance. "C'mon pretty lady, get your behind in the truck."
You laughed, taking his outstretched hand as he helped you in. You inhaled deeply when he shut the door, taking in the scent that permeated the truck--his scent.
Jack climbed into the driver's seat and started the engine. "Seatbelt," he prodded gently.
"Oh!" You fastened it quickly, and he stared at you for a long moment before pulling out of the parking spot.
"Did you have too much to drink?"
"I had four drinks."
"You sure that's all?"
You shot him an amused glare. "Yes, Jack. I'm sure."
He chuckled, throwing his hands in the air in mock surrender. "You're acting strangely, that's all."
"Well I did almost get drugged."
"What?!"
"Yeah, the dude I tossed my drink on--he put something in it."
"Jesus Christ." He ran a hand over his face. "That's why that girl told you not to drink it."
"Yeah."
"Fuck." Jack's grip on the steering wheel tightened. "I shoulda been there."
"It's okay. Nothing actually happened."
"But it could've. If you'd gotten hurt--if that son of a bitch had done something to you..." he trailed off. "I-I don't know what I would've done."
Jack did know what he would have done. He knew exactly what he would have done. He would've broken his oath to do no harm, but he could guarantee that guy would've never hurt another girl again.
You reached out and placed a gentle hand on his arm, trying to soothe him. "I'm alright, Jackie. Nothing happened."
He glanced over at you and his heart ached with the need to hold you. He needed to feel it for himself--to know for sure you were okay. You were unharmed. You were safe.
"I'd do anything to protect you, you know," he murmured softly.
"I know."
The rest of the short ride to your apartment was silent. When he pulled into the parking lot, you decided to take the leap.
"Will you come up?"
Jack turned to you in surprise. "It's late--you sure you don't wanna go to bed?"
You shook your head. "Please?"
"'Course, sweetheart." He pulled into a parking spot and hopped out.
You knew better than to even try to get out before he opened your door. You'd made that mistake a grand total of one time early on in your friendship and you'd gotten an earful for it.
When the door opened, you slid out and adjusted your dress. "Thanks, Jackie."
He merely grunted quietly and shut the door. He walked beside you in silence, mind running a mile a minute as he tried to figure out what was happening in that pretty head of yours. He knew something was up, he just couldn't figure out what.
The moment the two of you crossed the threshold of your apartment, you turned to face him, eyes filled with an unreadable emotion. "I need to tell you something."
"Okay."
"Do-do you wanna sit down?"
He shook his head. "Just tell me, sweetheart."
For a long moment, you said nothing. A moment so long, he began to feel real fear. Did you somehow figure out how he felt about you? Were you mad at him? Was the friendship over? Was he about to lose the only thing in his life that truly mattered to him?
You had no idea he was panicking as you tried to find the right words to say. Everything that came into your mind sounded wrong. At some point, you realized it didn't matter what you said--you needed to just say something.
"I'm in love with you," you blurted, shocking Jack to his very core.
"You-you, uh-you're what?"
Panic settled deep in your chest and you wondered if you'd just made a terrible mistake. Had Ellis been wrong? Did Jack not feel the same way you did? Did you just blow up four years of friendship?
"I, um-I--"
Jack's body moved of its own volition, taking a step toward you. His brain caught up and the most intense surge of desire he'd ever felt swept through him. "Say it again."
Your lips parted in surprise, but you complied. "I'm in love with you."
Jack took another step, leaving less than six inches between you. He reached out and placed a steady hand on your hip, tugging you closer. "Say it again, baby," he whispered, sounding absolutely wrecked.
Your heart skipped a beat as your panic subsided. You reached up and cupped his face as you leaned into his toned body. "I'm crazy, madly, deeply in love with you."
There was no fanfare. No cheering. No fireworks. Just the purest of emotions easing something inside both of you--and tying you together forever.
He was the first to move, yanking you so close your body was flush against his. His lips dropped to yours in a hungry kiss, filled with years of affection turned to love. He kissed you like his very life depended on it--like he would cease to exist without the feeling of your lips on his.
You wrapped your arms around his neck as you leaned into the kiss, allowing him to deepen it with the softest groan. His hands were hot against your hip and back as he held you--it was a feeling you'd never stop craving.
Eventually, he was forced to break the kiss to breathe, but he didn't move away. "It's wrong. It's quite possibly insane. But I don't give a damn anymore. I'm fucking crazy about you, (Y/N/N). I'm so in love with you it hurts."
You lifted one hand to brush through his curls. "Jackie..."
"I couldn't tell you, baby. I couldn't--" He exhaled heavily. "It felt so wrong to love you like this, to need you the way I do."
"There's nothing wrong with this," you whispered.
"People will talk."
"Let them."
"You're still a resident."
"I don't give a damn. I've only got four months left."
"I'm old and broken--"
"You're not broken," you insisted. "And just because you're older than me doesn't mean you're old."
He rested his forehead against yours. "Are you sure you want this?"
"I've never been more certain of anything in my life."
"Baby, I need you to be a thousand percent sure. If we do this, I'm in it for the long haul. I don't do casual. I don't do no strings. I'm all in. If you want this, you get all of me."
You lowered your right hand to rest against his chest, feeling his heart thump beneath your palm. "I want everything with you, Jack."
He exhaled a shaky breath before pressing his lips to yours a second time. He loved kissing you. He loved feeling your body against his. He loved the soft sounds you made. He loved everything about you.
His hands slipped lower, cupping your ass slightly. "Jump f'me."
"Jackie--"
"I said jump."
His tone left no room for discussion, so you did as he asked. He caught you with surprising ease and you wrapped your legs around his waist. He carried you to your bedroom, ignoring the pain pulsing from his prosthetic. He'd be damned if he couldn't at least carry his girl to bed.
When he lowered you to your bed, you pulled him in with your legs, wedging him between them as you kissed him.
He groaned lowly as his hands traveled over your soft curves. "I fucking love your body."
You whimpered softly as your hands drifted under his shirt. "Wanna see yours."
He obligingly tugged his shirt off, allowing you an unobstructed view of his toned chest.
"Fucking hell, you're hot," you whispered.
He couldn't help but laugh at the awe in your voice. "So are you."
"Shhh. This is about you." You placed your hands on his chest and slowly caressed him, feeling every ridge, muscle, and divot on his torso. "I love your freckles. They're so pretty."
He was quiet as he let you explore, but he couldn't take his eyes off yours. You were observing his body with a reverence he hadn't experienced in a very long time. He was proud of the shape he was in, but when you looked at him like that? He felt like the sexiest man alive.
Your hands brushed against his shoulders before starting down his biceps, a soft sound of need escaping your lips. "I've always liked your arms," you admitted. "You're so strong."
He felt his cheeks darken as a wave of embarrassment hit him. "Well I don't know about all that--"
"You carried me. So shush."
He couldn't help the low chuckle that rumbled through his chest. "I love you."
You looked up at his face and smiled. "I love you too."
"Any chance I could see you now, pretty girl?"
You shifted slightly, head cocking to the side as you thought about it. "No. I haven't seen enough of you yet."
Your gaze immediately dropped to his pants, eyes widening when they landed on his very hard and very large erection straining against his jeans.
"Ho-ly fuuuuck..."
He laughed softly. "See something you like, sweetheart?"
"I'm about to," you muttered as you quickly undid his jeans and tugged them down. "Off. Take it all off."
He chuckled. "Yes ma'am."
He tugged his pants off first, then his boxer briefs. The moment his cock sprung up against his abdomen, your mouth began to water. It was the only thing you saw--the only thing that mattered to you in the moment.
It wasn't until you looked up to meet his heavy gaze that you realized he was nervous. "Baby? You okay?"
He nodded, but you weren't convinced.
"What's wrong?" He shifted slightly and you realized what it was. "Your leg?"
His cheeks darkened further, the red blush spreading down his neck. "I-I know it's not exactly attractive--"
"I love every part of you, Jack Abbot. Every part."
"I can't do as much as someone with both legs," he choked out. "I can't-I can't fuck you the way I want to."
You stood up then, bringing yourself a little closer to eye level with him. "I'm a doctor, Jack. You think I don't know that you come with some restrictions? Don't you dare think for one second I give a damn. I love you. I want you. I don't need tricks or theatrics. I just need you."
He melted against you, lips pressing up against yours in a desperate kiss of love and appreciation. He hadn't been with more than a couple women since his wife's death, and all of them had been one-night-stands. He didn't really care what they thought of him, not the way he cared about your opinion.
He didn't really know how badly he needed your affirmations until he heard them. His obsession with you only deepened in that moment, and his need for you increased tenfold. "Sweetheart, we gotta get this dress off. I need to see you."
You gripped the bottom hem of your dress and pulled it off over your head in one quick motion. You were incredibly thankful you'd worn a cute lace set--you had been hoping to get laid tonight after all.
Jack's eyes swept over the black lace covering your breasts with a barely concealed hunger. His eyes drifted lower, taking in the black lace covering your core and not much else. "Spin around f'me, baby."
You blushed slightly, but you obeyed, turning away from him.
"Slower."
Your body heeded the order immediately, even before your brain processed it fully. You could feel his heated gaze on you, even if you couldn't see him, and it made your skin prickle--you felt so incredibly alive.
"Can't believe you were hiding all this," he muttered to himself. "It's a shame to hide such perfection under clothes."
You couldn't help the little giggle that escaped at his compliment, a small smile firmly planted on your face as you turned back to face him again.
"Can I take this off?" he asked softly, running a calloused hand over the lace shielding you from his gaze.
You took your bottom lip into your mouth as you nodded, feeling slightly nervous for him to see all of you--completely and utterly bare.
He brushed his thumbs over your nipples through the lace, feeling them harden for him. "Use your words, pretty girl."
"Yes, Jack."
"Good girl," he murmured as he dipped his head down to mouth your nipples through the lace. His hands slipped behind your back to unhook your bra, letting your heavy breasts spill out as he dropped the garment to the floor.
"Christ have mercy." He cupped your breasts in his large hands, groaning at the feeling of their weight in his palms.
A soft gasp met his ears as he spun you around and pulled you firmly against him. His hands settled right back on your breasts as his lips pressed wet kisses into the curve of your neck.
"Jack--"
"What is it, baby?" he murmured against your skin, fingers rolling your nipples between them in an attempt to pull more of those sweet sounds from your lips. "What'dya need?"
You wiggled your ass back against him, feeling his cock press up against you--so close to where you wanted him, yet so far away. "More."
"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'm gonna give you more," he promised, lips never leaving your sensitive skin. "Just gotta be patient f'me."
You whined desperately, reaching behind you to thread your fingers into his hair. "Please Jackie."
"Patience, sweet girl. Let me take my time."
Every brush of his lips against your skin, every squeeze of his hands, and every subtle shift of his hips felt incredible--but it wasn't enough. The ache between your thighs, the pulsing need, was becoming unbearable.
"Jack, need you to touch me," you pleaded.
He chuckled lowly as his teeth grazed your shoulder. "I am touching you."
You whined again and gripped his hand in yours, trying to pull it down to where your soaked core yearned for his touch.
"Didn't I just tell you to be patient, sweetheart?"
"I can't," you whimpered. "Need you, Jackie. Waited so long. Please."
"Hmm," he hummed. "You have waited a long time...and you've been so good...maybe you do deserve a reward."
"I've been so good, Jack--so good. Please."
He chuckled. "Alright sweet thing. I've got you."
He nipped at your pulse point before laving his tongue over it to soothe the bite. His hand trailed lower, sliding down over the soaked lace.
"Fuck, baby," he groaned in your ear. "You're soaked."
You shifted your hips, desperately seeking friction against his hand.
"Uh-uh, don't move. Let me do the work."
His fingers pressed down on the lace, pushing it between your folds as he deftly sought your clit. The second he brushed against it, a jolt of pleasure shot through you, pulling a moan from deep in your throat.
Jack's cock throbbed painfully when he was pressed against you, that sweet little sound you made shooting right through him. "Shit."
His fingers dipped beneath the lace, pushing it to the side so he could feel your perfect pussy. He dragged his fingers through your wetness before slowly circling your clit--the pressure was too soft, too light. You tried to grind down on his hand, but he pulled it away with a soft 'tsk'.
"I promise I'll make you feel good, baby. Just let me." He kissed your neck as he dipped two of his fingers inside of you. "Jesus, you're tight."
You gasped at the intrusion, pulsating around his fingers as he stretched you out. "Jackieeeee. More."
"You want more? Hmm?"
You nodded rapidly.
"Tell me what you want."
"Faster."
He obliged, speeding up the thrusts of his fingers as he pressed firmly against your g-spot. Your legs began to shake, but he held you upright, keeping you pressed against his chest.
Jack placed open-mouth kisses everywhere he could reach, no longer able to keep his own need under control. "You gonna come for me? Gonna come all over my fingers?"
You squirmed in his hold, breathless moans and gasps the only sounds you could manage. Your nails dug into his forearm as you held on tightly, using him as support to remain standing.
"Go on," he murmured, thumb rubbing against your clit just the way you liked. "Let go f'me."
Your jaw dropped into an 'O' as the first pulse of your orgasm hit you. Your head fell back against his shoulder as he worked you through it, whispering sweetly into your ear.
"That's it, baby. I've got you."
His fingers only slowed as you started to come down from your high. You clawed at his arm and tried to squirm out of his grip, so he relented, pulling his fingers out of you and directly into his mouth.
You turned your head so you could watch him suck them clean, a little moan of enjoyment breaking from him as he licked them.
"Oh now I need more of that," he murmured. "C'mere."
He turned you around to face him and maneuvered you to sit on the edge of the bed. He gripped your underwear and tugged them off before dropping to his knees between your legs.
"Wait, Jack--no, your leg--"
The look he gave you silenced you instantly. "I'm fine, baby. I'm right where I wanna be."
"But--"
He silenced you by licking a fat stripe from the bottom of your pussy up to your clit. A moan escaped you as you tilted your head back in pleasure.
The position was uncomfortable for him, but it wasn't painful, so he pushed it aside and got to work eating your pussy like it was the one thing on earth he lived for.
"Oh my god, Jack." Your fingers tangled in his curls as your hips surged forward to meet his mouth.
He gave your hip a swat before laying a strong arm low across your lap to keep you in place.
The room filled with the sounds of him feasting on you--slurps, sucks, and muffled moans--mixed with the sounds of pure unadulterated pleasure escaping your open mouth.
Jack wanted to hear those sweet sounds for the rest of his life--he wanted to be the only one who ever heard them again. Those were his sounds, coming from his girl, from pleasure only he could give.
"Jack, please please--don't stop."
He groaned into you as he continued his ministrations. He had no intentions of stopping, certainly not now that he knew what you tasted like.
Your nails scraped against his scalp as your moans became louder and more frantic. He knew you were close, could feel it as certainly as if it were his own.
He wanted to beg you to come for him, to let him feel you, but he didn't dare stop.
"Oh god, oh god, ohh-ohh, Jack!"
His name was the last thing he heard before you tipped over the edge, pussy gushing juices into his waiting mouth, thick thighs wrapping around his head as he continued to lap up every drop you gave him.
"'s too much--" you whined, tugging on his hair as you tried to wriggle away from his mouth. "Jackieeeee."
He moaned into you, not wanting to leave his new favorite place. He only relented when you tugged so hard on his hair he worried you'd pull some out. He lifted his head and gazed up at you, a smug smirk settled firmly on his face.
"You taste fucking amazing, baby."
You released a breathy chuckle and shook your head.
"I would like to spend a few hours trapped between these pretty legs--but that can wait for another day."
Your eyes widened. "A few hours?"
He grinned wolfishly. "Sweetheart, I'd let you smother me with those perfect fucking thighs. I don't need oxygen--I just need you."
"You're insane," you whispered incredulously.
He pulled himself up with a groan of discomfort he tried to suppress. "Maybe a bit."
The pained sound had your expression softening instantly. "Baby--come up here and relax." You patted the bed beside you, urging him to join you.
He knew you were right and he was more than a little embarrassed by how quickly he collapsed onto the bed beside you. He watched in shock as you slid off the bed and placed a soft hand to his leg just above the prosthetic.
"Honey, what're you doing?"
"Let me take this off," you murmured sweetly. "Want you to be comfortable."
He felt the familiar embarrassment creeping up and filling his chest. No, no, no--you shouldn't have to do this--you shouldn't have to see him like this.
He reached down and grabbed your hand, stilling it before you could unfasten the socket. "Let's-let's just leave it on."
You cocked your head to the side, concern evident in your gaze. You knew it was uncomfortable, perhaps even painful, and he most certainly shouldn't be wearing it during sex.
You opened your mouth to say as much, but closed it when you caught the pained emotion in his hazel eyes. You realized there might not be anything you could say to convince him you didn't care--but you could show him.
You leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the hand covering yours before lifting it and giving it a firm squeeze. You held his hand in your non-dominant one and used the other to unfasten his prosthetic.
His entire body tensed and his breathing became labored as you slowly removed the prosthetic. You released his hand and took the residual limb into both of yours, leaning down to press a kiss just above the liner.
Tears filled his eyes as he watched you, unable to fully grasp what was happening.
You slowly removed the sock, followed by the liner, soft hands massaging his irritated skin as you went. You knew residual limbs could be extremely sensitive, so you were incredibly gentle. Each touch was feather light and achingly sweet.
It filled his heart with an unnamable emotion, making his chest ache with each gentle pass of your hands.
To his utter surprise, you lowered your head again and began to place the gentlest of kisses to what remained of his lower leg. You were so incredibly reverent, so gentle, it hurt to witness.
"Baby," he whispered hoarsely. "Baby, come up here."
You looked up at him, chest tightening at the sight of tears staining his cheeks. "Jackie..."
"Please," he begged. "I need to kiss you."
Your heart hammered in your chest as you ran your hands up his strong thighs, using them as leverage to stand up.
"C'mere." He pulled you into him and kissed you deeply.
This kiss was different from all the ones that had come before. He poured every ounce of love he had for you into the kiss, along with gratitude and appreciation for what you had just done.
For the first time in a long time, Jack Abbot felt whole.
"I need you," he murmured against your lips.
"You have me."
He knew it was true--knew it always would be--but right now, he needed the physical manifestation of your love. Needed it like he needed air to breathe.
He pulled away from you so he could move himself back onto the bed. Once he was comfortably situated against the headboard, he beckoned you toward him.
"C'mere sweet girl. Let me make love to you."
The smile that crossed your face was painfully soft, but he could see the hunger hidden beneath it.
You crawled across the bed before climbing onto his lap, straddling his hips and leaning down to kiss him.
He moaned into the kiss when you slid your wet folds up the length of his cock, mixing with the soft needy sound you made.
He felt your hand wrap around his cock, gripping it tightly as you lined him up with your entrance. He gasped into your mouth as you began to slowly lower yourself onto him, soft whimpers escaping your lips as your body stretched to accommodate his size.
"Holy fuck, you're tight," he groaned lowly once you were fully seated.
You shifted your hips, preparing to ride him, but his grip on you tightened.
"Wait--wait. Just-just give me a second."
"Are you okay?" you asked worriedly.
"I'm about to embarrass myself by coming too fast," he admitted. He groaned when your pussy clenched around him as you stifled a laugh. "It's not funny. You just feel so goddamn incredible."
"It's kinda funny," you teased.
He smacked your ass affectionately, but with a little bit of a warning. "For that, I'm getting two more out of you."
Your eyes widened dramatically, the look almost comical. "Jack, I-I've never--"
"Come during sex? Yeah, baby I know."
"I don't really think I can," you admitted quietly.
"Bullshit. You've just never had someone willing to try."
The dark blush that crept up your cheeks solidified his resolve.
"I'll fuck this pretty pussy until I pass out if that's what it takes to make you come," he growled.
"Jack," you gasped, eyes wide once more.
"It might take me a little time, but I'm gonna learn this perfect little body inside and out--I wanna know everything you like, and I'll give you everything you need."
You bit your lip as your heart skipped a beat. "I love you."
He grinned warmly. "I love you too, pretty girl. Now why don't you move those hips, hmm? Let's see how quickly I can make my girl come."
He tapped your hip affectionately for emphasis and you started to move. You lifted yourself up and down, finding the right rhythm for both of you.
Jack's head leaned back against the headboard, but he kept his eyes locked on you. He was gauging your enjoyment, learning what made you whimper and what made you cry out. He was determined to prove to you there was nothing wrong with you.
He pulled your torso forward slightly, changing the angle his cock entered you with each downward motion. Your face changed instantly, mouth dropping open in a gasp.
Your hands grasped for purchase on his chest as the most intense wave of pleasure you'd ever felt crashed through you. "Oh, fuck--Jack!"
"Yeah? Right there?"
"There--there, there, there," you cried out. "Pleasepleasepleaseplease."
He did what he could to thrust up and meet each of your downward thrusts, gritting his teeth at how tightly your pussy squeezed him and pulsed around him.
"I've got you, baby. Just let go, okay?"
"Feels s'good, Jackie," you whimpered.
"I know. You're doing so good f'me. Just breathe. Let it happen."
Your body started to shake and you began to lose your rhythm. Jack gripped your hips tightly and helped you keep up the pace.
"Oh god-oh god-oh god--Jack!" Your head dropped back in a silent cry as your pussy spasmed around him.
He kept the pace as steady as he could, prolonging your orgasm as long as possible.
"Jack--I-I can't--"
"You're alright, baby. I've got you."
You collapsed on his chest and he wrapped his arms tightly around you to hold you in place.
"Did so well for me." He rolled his hips. "So, so good."
You breathed heavily against his chest as you placed open-mouthed kisses to the column of his throat.
Jack's own orgasm was steadily approaching, but he was desperate to feel you come on his cock one more time. It very well may have been his favorite feeling in the world.
He rolled his hips up into you in a steady rhythm. He couldn't pound up into you the way he wanted, but he'd be damned if he didn't make you feel as good as he could.
"Can I try something, honey?" he whispered.
"Mhmm. Anything."
He chuckled softly, your trust in him warming something deep in his chest. He kissed the side of your head and rolled you over as best he could.
You giggled sweetly as you arranged yourself beneath him, allowing him to properly hover over you. He grabbed a pillow and wedged it under his leg, hoping to give himself some more stability.
He thrust back inside you and your legs wrapped around him instinctively, pulling him even farther into you.
"Fuck," he groaned, dropping his forehead to yours. "How're you even tighter like this?"
You blushed and tried to duck your head into his arm.
"Uh-uh, nope. Lemme see that beautiful face."
You turned back to him and he grinned, leaning in to kiss you sweetly.
"There she is."
He started to thrust into you properly, the pillow beneath his leg giving him the extra leverage he needed to keep up a proper pace.
"Tell me how it feels, baby," he begged softly.
"So good, Jack," you moaned. "You're so big."
His chest puffed out with pride, hips snapping forward with more speed and force. "Yeah? Filling up your perfect pussy better than anyone else, huh?"
"Yes!" Your back arched up into him, a desperate moan clawing its way out from deep in your chest.
"Yeah, you were made for me. Made to take my cock."
He glanced down to where your bodies met and his eyes widened slightly. He could see his cock bulging out in your lower belly with each thrust.
"Holy fuck, baby," he groaned. "You see that? My cock is so fuckin' deep."
He pressed down on your lower abdomen and you cried out as the feeling of fullness increased.
"Please, Jack!"
"Please, what baby? Tell me what you need."
"Touch me-touch me."
"Where, honey? Tell me where."
You whined, barely able to form a complete thought in your head, let alone a sentence. You grabbed his hand and shoved it between your thighs. "Please!"
Jack was so desperate to feel you come again he didn't make you say what you needed. He started to massage your clit rapidly as he continued to thrust into you.
"Don't-don't stop."
"Wouldn't dream of it, baby."
He was true to his word, hips never faltering, thumb moving against your clit with precision just the way you needed.
You felt the familiar tightening low in your belly, but it felt different this time--more intensity, more pressure. You suddenly weren't sure if you could have another orgasm--it felt wrong, like it was just too much.
"Jackie, I-I don't--"
"Don't what, sweetheart?"
"I-I can't."
"Come on baby, you can do it," he urged. "Just relax f'me. Let go."
"It's too-too much!"
"Shh, I've got you. Let me feel it, baby. C'mon."
Something about the way Jack coaxed you had you falling apart beneath him with a strangled cry of his name. He felt the warm gush of liquid splash against his abdomen and he realized with smug satisfaction that you'd just squirted.
"Oh fuck, yes, baby. That's it. So fucking good f'me," he praised as he chased his own high. "God, you're so fucking perfect. Gonna fill you up, baby. Make you mine."
"Yours," you whimpered breathlessly.
"Fuck," he groaned as his pace faltered and his hips began to stutter. "Gonna come--fuuuuuck."
One, two, three more thrusts was all it took for him to fall apart. Hot spurts of his cum painted your walls as he continued thrusting, desperate to keep as much of it inside you as possible.
As his high began to fade, he collapsed on top of you, whispering your name like a prayer into your bare chest.
Your brain took several minutes to fully process the intensity of the last several minutes, slowly coming back to yourself as his weight grounded you.
You felt warmer than usual between your legs--significantly wetter too. In fact, you were fairly certain you were lying in a puddle of liquid. That had certainly never happened before.
"Jackie."
"Hmmm?" he hummed against your skin.
"I--why am I so wet?"
Jack's responding chuckle reverberated through his chest and into yours. "That'd be because you squirted, my love."
"I-I what?!" Mortification slammed into you as your brain processed his words.
He could sense your embarrassment so he lifted himself up just enough to see your face. Your cheeks were burning and your head was tilted away from him. You looked like you were about ready to crawl into a hole and never come out.
"Hey. Hey, sweetheart. C'mon. Look at me."
You turned your head toward him, but your eyes didn't quite meet his.
"You went from never coming during sex, to having two orgasms and fucking squirting. Do you know how fucking proud that makes me feel? I did that. I made my girl squirt."
"Really?"
"Fuck yeah, baby. Now I've gotta make it my mission to get you to do it again."
Your blush deepened, but a little smile had softened your features. "You really think it's hot?"
"It's the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen."
"Now you're just full of shit."
"Nope. I'd chop off my other leg to see it again."
"Jack Abbot!" You smacked his chest, but the laughter that bubbled up was undeniable.
"Not even kidding. This body of yours was made for me."
Your expression softened. "The feeling's mutual, Jackie."
He brushed the hair off your forehead and offered you the sweetest smile you'd ever seen. "I love you, baby."
"I love you too, Jack."
"What'dya say we get cleaned up, hmm? Take a nice shower and maybe get a snack?"
"That sounds nice."
"I'll help you change the sheets too."
You smacked him affectionately. "I hate you."
He grinned. "No you don't."
"You're right. Not even close."
He kissed you again and you lost yourself in the feeling of his lips against yours. You still had plenty of things to discuss, but they could wait. For now, all you needed was his arms around you and the knowledge that no matter what happened, you had each other.
Thank god you'd finally stopped calling it friends, and acknowledged the relationship for what it had become--love.
Summary: Told from Robby’s perspective. Idea based on the song “Running in Place” by Chris Moreno.
Warnings: cursing, use of pet names, age gap (Robby is 15 years older than reader), body image issues (Robby). SMUT, unprotected sex (P in V), oral (M & F receiving), slightly dom reader.
A/N: Yes, that's all the summary you're getting for this one, folks!
I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life
Pretending I don’t love you…
I’d heard the song on the radio this morning and it hit me in places I don’t care to acknowledge or look at further. Especially not on the way to work—to the place she was sure to be.
It was embarrassing really, the deep emotional attachment I’d formed to a woman who would have to be a complete and utter fool to even consider me as a viable option. And she was anything but a fool.
She was beautiful. Brilliant. Charismatic. Kind. An incredible doctor and an all around phenomenal human being. She was also young and vibrant. Things I haven’t been in over a decade--if ever.
She has the brightest smile I’ve ever seen—and it only dims on the hardest days, and even then just barely. She’s too strong for her own good. Stoic in a way I wish she didn’t have to be.
And the more that I try to carry on…
It doesn’t matter that she’s the only bright spot in my life. That she’s the best part of my day. It doesn’t matter that being near her makes it hard to breathe—and being apart is somehow worse.
I’m her boss. Not just hers—but the whole damn department’s. It would be unethical to have feelings for her, let alone act on them. Not to mention the fact that I’m old enough to be her father—at least biologically.
Fifteen years. That’s the difference between us. For some, that might be acceptable, but for me? I don’t know if it’s feasible. I’m not just older than her—I’m damaged in ways she doesn’t deserve to experience. I’m a broken man holding it all together by a thread.
Part of me wants to throw caution to the wind—give up all sense and just tell her how I feel, but I can’t. So instead, I keep my mouth shut and I hope she never sees past my defenses. Never knows the truth I keep locked inside.
Here we are in conversation
Nothing’s changed and
I’m still hanging onto
Every single word you say
“You always have that look on your face after watching her during a trauma,” Dana muttered, eyeing me with that knowing smirk that never ceased to piss me off.
“I don’t have a look. This is just my face,” I grumbled back.
“Sure. You always have that look of pure adoration when you look at people.”
I shot her a glare and rolled my eyes. “She’s a good doctor, Dana. I’m just a proud mentor—that’s all.”
She gave me one of her signature ‘you can’t get nothing past me’ looks, but I chose to ignore it. We’ve had this conversation a thousand and one times and I don’t have the desire to go through it again.
“Hey Dr. Robby!”
That cheery voice slammed into me like a freight train—stopping my brain and my heart simultaneously. It took me a moment to turn around and look into those beautiful eyes I couldn’t help but see in my dreams.
“Hey, (Y/N/N). Great job in that trauma.”
She smiled at me, that brilliant smile that stopped my heart for a second time.
“Thanks. I wasn’t sure if doing a reduction outside the OR was the best idea, but I really appreciate your support. You’re always…”
She continued talking and I couldn’t stop staring at the way her lips formed each word, nor could I push the sound of her melodic voice from my mind. I knew I’d be replaying this conversation over and over again, just like I did every night.
“…so confident in my abilities and it means the world to me.”
I felt my face soften as I smiled at her, settling into a look I rarely gave anyone else. “You don’t have to thank me for a thing. You’re a damn good doctor.”
Her cheeks heated up, turning a flushed pink that made me wonder what her face would look like if I kissed her. Would she blush? Would she be embarrassed? Would she be angry?
I shook my head slightly to clear it, pushing away the thoughts I should not be having in the workplace.
“Thanks, Robby,” she said quietly, eyes full of pride. She always acted just a little surprised when I praised her, despite the fact that I did it regularly and she was always deserving of it.
I gave her a small nod and watched her walk away. It was pitiful how such a small, short conversation could rattle me so throughly. It didn’t matter what she talked about, I wanted to hear every word. She could read the phone book and I’d still hang onto every word.
I knew I had it bad. Worse than I could ever remember. I’ve dated plenty of women over the years, but never any that made me feel like this—like my heart was so firmly in her hands I may never get it back.
And we weren’t even dating. We were friends at best, colleagues at worst. Technically, the friendship I’d cultivated with her wasn’t against policy, but I still held a fair amount of guilt from it.
She was friends with other attendings in PTMC, including several in the ED, but it was different for me. I’m the chief of emergency medicine. I should be able to keep my staff at a distance—especially those who weren’t even attending physicians yet.
Jack always tells me I’m too hard on myself—that it’s okay to want more. He’s the only one who knows about the feelings I harbor, although Dana quite clearly notices everything.
But she’s a fourth year resident. Her final year before becoming a full-fledged doctor. I don’t want to do anything that could jeopardize her career. Even if I had the slightest inkling she felt the same way about me, I’m not sure I’d act on it. I don’t ever want to put her in an awkward position or make her feel like she has to choose between her career and me.
Caught up in my frustration
My heart races
That high I’m chasing
Every time I hear your name
“Have you seen Dr. (Y/L/N)?” Santos asked as she approached me.
I shook my head, ignoring the tightening in my chest at the sound of her name. “Not in a while. Do you need something?”
“Just wanna run something by her. I’ll keep looking!”
Santos was off and running before I could even offer my assistance. It was a common occurrence these days. Even though (Y/N) wasn’t an attending yet, she was always the one residents, interns, and even nurses went to for help.
I imagine it has something to do with her kindness, along with her capabilities as a doctor. She never yelled. Never lost her temper. She gave gentle corrections, offered suggestions, and provided support when it was needed. She never made anyone feel bad about mistakes—a trait I most certainly don’t have.
Normally such a thing would frustrate me--I like to be the most important one, the one everyone goes to. But with her? I'm completely happy to take a backseat. Hell, sometimes I wanna go to her with issues.
Her success feels almost as good as my own success--I root for her infinitely more than I've ever even rooted for myself. I can't help it. I want her to be better than me in every way, especially medically. Which is yet another reason why I don't think we should ever be together. She deserves better than me.
She deserves better than someone who has no life--who barely functions outside the walls of this hospital. She doesn't need my baggage. She doesn't need someone who's lived far more life than her and has nothing to show for it.
She's soft in the all ways I'm not. She's sunlight, and I'm just a storm cloud--eventually I'd suffocate her light. I can't do that to her. I won't be like hundreds of men who've come before me. I won't dim her light. I won't break her down just to make myself happy.
Not that any of this matters--it's not like she's interested. She'd have to be crazy to even consider it. I'd rather her be with someone like Whitaker--or even Jack. He's got his shit together more than I do.
Speak of the devil... "Hey brother." I hugged my best friend with a smile.
"Good shift?"
I shrugged. It wasn't good, but it wasn't bad. Just another normal Thursday in the Pitt. Nothing special.
"Hmm," he hummed thoughtfully, keen eyes searching my face for something unknown to me. "And how's our favorite resident?"
I sighed as I rubbed the back of my neck. He's always bringing her up even though I've never once done anything to encourage him. "She did good today." A simple, respectful answer. Better than what I wanted to say.
"Just good?" His eyebrows lifted knowingly, pushing me as he always did.
I opened my mouth to tell him about the reduction she'd performed, but my mouth slammed shut as she appeared in my periphery.
"Hey, (Y/N)." Jack's smile would have annoyed me if he'd been anyone else. As it stood, I knew he didn't want her the way I did, so I pushed down the strange surge of jealousy in my stomach as she wrapped him in a hug.
"Hi, Dr. Abbot!" she said cheerfully. "I hope tonight goes smoothly for you."
"Thanks, kid. Don't be jinxing it." He shot her a teasing wink and that green-eyed monster clawed its way back up into my chest.
At least until she turned to me, smile never dimming, and asked, "Do you have any plans tonight?"
I won't lie, I panicked. My whole body froze in place, turning into a solid block of ice instantly. "I-uh-I--me?"
She laughed--easily the sweetest sound I'd ever heard. "Yes, you."
Over her shoulder, Jack was giving me a very dramatic 'what the fuck is wrong with you' face. I couldn't answer that question--the list was too damn long and filled with one or two truly embarrassing items.
"Oh, well-um. I-uh-I was just gonna head home." Jesus Christ--could you sound any less interested?
"As fun and exciting as I'm sure home is, would you be interested in going to dinner with me?"
I'll confess, I choked on my own saliva the second her question left her mouth. I covered my mouth as I tried desperately to recover quickly.
Concern filled her bright, beautiful eyes as she reached out for me, hand coming to rest on my back. "Are you alright?"
I nodded, ignoring the tears filling my eyes as I caught my breath and the coughing finally ceased. "Sorry about that," I forced out.
"It's alright. Do you need anything? Some water?"
I shook my head.
"Alright." She took a step back, hand dropping from my back. I missed the contact immediately. "I was asking if you wanted to grab dinner? Ya know, before the coughing fit."
My cheeks heated up and I knew without looking in a mirror the redness had spread to my neck and the tips of my ears. Mortifying.
"Uh, yeah. Yeah-sure." I'm a full grown adult man and I sound like a lovesick teenage idiot.
The smile she sent my way stopped my breath--the air caught in my lungs with no possible way of escape. She'd never looked more beautiful--and I'd never been so royally fucked.
"Meet you by the lockers after hand-offs?"
I gave her my best attempt at a proper smile. "Sounds good." Perfect. It sounds perfect.
The second she was out of earshot, Jack gave me the most annoying grin I'd ever seen. "Shut up," I muttered.
He held his hands up in mock surrender. "I didn't say a word."
"You were thinking it."
"I wasn't thinking anything."
"Yes you were."
"I was not."
"You didn't have a witty comment lined up?"
"About your date? Of course not."
I groaned. There it was. "It's not a date, Abbot."
"Sure. She only asked you to dinner, but it's not a date."
"If it was a date, she would have made that clear."
"She did. You're just dense."
"I hate you."
"No you don't."
I sighed and flicked him off as I walked away, fully intent on giving my hand-offs to Shen instead. At least he wouldn't mouth off.
I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life
Pretending I don’t love you
And the more that I try to carry on, carry on…
20 minutes later, I found myself standing by the lockers, rocking back and forth on my heels and trying not to look too nervous or too excited. I knew I wouldn't be able to master anything remotely close to neutral, but somewhere in the middle would suffice.
She came around the corner, lips spreading into a wide grin when her eyes landed on me. As embarrassing as it sounded, it made me feel like I was the only person in the world.
"You ready?" she asked sweetly as she opened her locker and pulled out her bag.
"Yeah. Where'd you wanna go?"
"That new sushi spot up by Market?"
I knew she'd been wanting to go there since it opened. I'd overheard her telling Santos and Javadi sometime last week. I couldn't help the slight smugness that settled in my chest--I was the one she'd asked to go with her.
“Sounds delicious.”
She smiled again, bright and happy, clearly pleased with my answer. “Perfect. Let’s go.”
“Want me to drive?” I wanted her to say yes only slightly more than I wanted her to say no. Being alone with her is getting harder and harder, but god I need it.
“I can just drive separately if you want? I don’t wanna make you come back down here just to bring me to my car.”
“I don’t mind.” The words raced out of my mouth embarrassingly quickly.
“Well in that case, I suppose you can drive.” She winked with a little giggle that squeezed my heart so tight I nearly passed out.
I walked beside her in silence all the way to my car. I was so thankful I drove it today and not my bike—I was fairly certain I knew how she felt about it, but I didn’t need to hear it for sure.
When we reached my car, my instincts took over and I brushed past her to get to the passenger door before her. I opened it wide and she looked at me in surprise, pretty eyes wide and sweet.
“Oh,” she murmured softly. “Thank you, Robby.”
“Of course.” I hated the tone of shock in her voice. I was suddenly certain she hadn’t been treated like a lady deserved in a long time. Maybe ever. It made me angry.
She settled into her seat and I made sure she was comfortable before closing the door. When I climbed into my own seat, she shot me a look I couldn’t quite read. “What?”
“Are you always this gentlemanly?”
I swallowed thickly. “I try to be.”
“Hmm.”
“What?”
She shrugged, but a small smile remained locked on her lips. “I like it. Rather old fashioned.”
I didn’t love the way she said ‘old fashioned’—it suddenly made me feel old. Not that I’m not…it’s just…highlighting it, I suppose.
She must have sensed my trepidation and discomfort because she suddenly said, “It’s not a bad thing, Robby. I genuinely like it.”
I felt the heat creep up my neck as I smiled at her. “I’m glad.”
She smiled contentedly as she turned her attention out the window. I felt like she wanted to say something further, but she remained quiet. I opted to do the same.
Five minutes later, she broke the silence. “Do you ever get tired of being alone?”
I felt the blood drain from my face. She’d always been pretty direct, but this was a new one for me. I knew the answer—knew it as well as I knew my own name—but I wasn’t certain I wanted to be that honest with her.
I could see her looking at me out of the corner of my eye, her gaze was steady and soft as she waited for my reply.
“I’ve been alone a very long time,” I said honestly.
“That’s not an answer.”
I shook my head, a wry chuckle exiting my lips with a sigh. “I don’t really think about it anymore.” It was a blatant lie, but she didn’t need to know that.
“Do you want to be alone?”
I wanted to ask her where this was coming from, why she suddenly wanted to know, but I didn’t. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.
“Does anyone?”
She nodded thoughtfully. “No, I imagine not.”
I thought that was the end of it, but I should have known better. She’s like a dog with a bone.
“Why are you alone, then?”
I nearly bit off my own tongue. “Jesus,” I muttered under my breath. “Can’t recall being asked that question before.”
She simply cocked her head to the side and waited. She wanted an answer and she wasn’t going to back down.
“I guess I just haven’t really found time to date,” I admitted quietly. “I made my whole life about my job—and then one day I woke up and realized half my life had passed by.”
“That breaks my heart,” she whispered. “You deserve to be loved, Robby.”
I shrugged. “Settling down just wasn’t in the cards for me. I’ve accepted it.”
“I don’t believe that for a second.”
“Which part?” I chuckled softly.
“Both.” She laid a hand on my arm and squeezed. “I think you pretend not to need someone because it’s easier than admitting you don’t wanna be alone. Opening yourself up and letting someone else in is hard.”
I hated how right she was. Her words hurt, but not because what she said was intentionally painful. “I’m too old to settle down now.”
“That’s certainly not true. It’s never too late.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“Of course I do.”
I glanced over at her and nearly smiled at her serious expression. It was evident by the look on her face that she truly believed what she said. “Perhaps you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right,” she teased. “You just have to find the right person.”
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from blurting out the words I so badly wanted to say. I already have. “Easier said than done.”
“Maybe,” she conceded. “Or maybe you just need to open your eyes. Pay more attention to what’s right in front of you.”
My heart skipped a beat. She couldn’t possibly mean what I so desperately wanted her to, could she? There was no way she felt the same way I did.
I hazarded a glance her way and my breath caught in my chest. Her beautiful face was so open and vulnerable—like she was begging me to see straight into her soul. To see the emotions she kept tucked deep inside.
“(Y/N).” I said her name softly, breaking the spell that hung between us. I saw a flash of something cross her face, but it was gone in the blink of an eye.
She turned back to staring out the window, but the silence that hung in the car was heavy. I hated it. I hated the way it made me feel—the way it made her feel.
I pulled into the parking lot and turned the car off, but I made no move to get out. Neither did she.
“Don’t end up like me.” I whispered the words so lowly she had to strain to hear. “Don’t spend your whole life waiting for someone to come along—don’t work yourself to death just to avoid really living. You’re young. You still have time to find happiness outside of the Pitt. It’s too late for me.”
She reached out and pressed a soft hand to my cheek, turning my head to face her properly. I wanted so desperately to lean into her touch, to feel her softness everywhere, but I kept my head still. I couldn’t pull away though—couldn’t bear the thought.
“It’s only too late for you if you give up. Is that what you want, Robby? To give up?”
“Sometimes,” I whispered.
Her expression softened to an almost painful level. Her thumb swept across my cheek in a slow, steady rhythm that was so at odds with the racing of my heart.
“Please don’t,” she begged. “Not yet.”
“Why?” The question slipped out without permission—a broken plea to the woman I loved.
“Because you’re not alone. Not if you don’t want to be.”
I wanted to ask her what she meant, but the sound of a car horn blaring from the street behind us shattered the moment. She pulled her hand back, a deep red blush darkening her features.
“I’m starving,” she muttered. “Let’s go eat.”
She jumped out of the car before I could even open my door. I wasn’t sure how to interpret the last few minutes, but god help me, I was moments away from losing my mind.
I can’t outrun the pain
That’s inside and I’ve been trying
But my heart’s losing faith
‘Cause living without you is like running in place
The conversation during dinner was mostly focused on work—on the humorous things that had happened or the weird things we’d seen. She didn’t broach the topic of discussion we’d had in the car, and I didn’t dare bring it up.
That didn’t mean it wasn’t still on my mind. In fact, it was all I could think about. I wanted so terribly to go back to it—to talk about whatever it was she was going to say in those moments before that damn car horn…
I shouldn’t have cared. I shouldn’t have even been entertaining it. But god I wanted to. I wanted to say ‘fuck it’ and throw caution to the wind.
It was killing me, loving her like this. Loving her in the silence—in the quiet of my soul. I didn’t know if I could keep living this way. Not now. Not when her words struck my very core. Not when her touch sparked a fire deep inside me.
What was I supposed to do? Keep pretending that I didn’t love her? That I wouldn’t die for her? It sounds so stupid—so foolish at my age to even think this way, but I didn’t want to pretend anymore.
She was right. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to keep pretending my job is the only thing I need. The only satisfaction I’ll ever want. I want her.
“Robby?” Her gentle voice brought me out of my thoughts.
I focused on her face properly for the first time in several minutes and I quickly realized she’d asked me a question. “I’m so sorry, (Y/N/N). Can you repeat that?”
She gave me a slightly quizzical look, but she didn’t comment. “I just wondered if you had any plans for tomorrow, since it’s your day off?”
I’d forgotten tomorrow was my day off until that very moment. I’d planned to do some spring cleaning around the house, but that was the only thing on my itinerary. “Just some housework. What about you?”
“It’s supposed to be a beautiful day. I was thinking about going to the park. They do yoga classes there in the mornings.”
“That sounds like fun.” No, it absolutely didn’t, but I wasn’t going to admit how inflexible I am. Not to her, anyway.
She smiled sweetly. “Would you be interested in joining me?”
I froze with my glass halfway to my mouth. No way around it now. “I’m not exactly cut out for yoga anymore.”
Her face fell slightly and I instantly felt terrible.
“But if you promise not to laugh at me, I’ll give it a try.”
The smile she shot my way made it completely worth it. She lit up from the inside out—making my heart constrict painfully in my chest. She was so damn beautiful.
“I’d never laugh at you. Just with you.” She giggled and I couldn’t help but laugh along with her.
When the server came to give us the bill, I grabbed it and tossed my card down without looking. She started to protest, but I shot her a stern glare.
The moment the server was gone, she mustered up the courage to say, “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know, but I wanted to.”
That surprised look for earlier settled onto her face again. I hated it just as much now as I did then.
“You-you don’t want anything in return?” Her voice was almost sheepish as she asked the question.
My eyebrows lifted and I shook my head. “Why would I need something in return? It’s dinner. I can pay for dinner.”
She nodded, but still seemed surprised. I knew she wasn’t used to being taken care of and damnit if it didn’t piss me off. It wasn’t an inconvenience—it wasn’t even required. I just wanted to do things for her because I cared.
After I got my card back, we stepped back out onto the street and I felt my heart sink. I didn’t want to take her back to PTMC—didn’t want to let her out of my sight. Not yet.
It didn’t matter that we’d both worked a 12-hour shift. Didn’t matter that we were exhausted. Neither of us much felt like going home.
“Do you think we could go for a walk before we go back?” she asked softly. “I think I ate too much.”
I smiled, happy to hear she didn’t want to go yet. “You ate just the right amount, but I’d love to go for a walk.” I’d go anywhere with you.
We started down the block, watching the sun set low across the lake. It was a beautiful night, only made better by the woman beside me.
After a few moments of peaceful silence, I felt the tips of her fingers brush against my hand—I thought it may have been accidental, until I felt them a second time. I didn’t let myself think too deeply about it, I just wrapped my hand around hers, fingers intertwining like they were always meant to.
She squeezed my hand ever so slightly, and leaned into me just a little. Just enough for me to feel the warmth of her body against mine.
I was suddenly overcome with need—the need to know exactly what she was thinking earlier when she told me I didn’t have to be alone.
I came to a sudden stop, pulling her to a halt with me. She turned to face me, surprise evident on her face. “Robby? You okay?”
I ignored her question in favor of my own. “What did you mean earlier? When you said I didn’t have to be alone.”
It was her turn to freeze up, but only for a moment. She took a hesitant step toward me, eyes locked on mine. “I think you know what I meant.”
I did. I was so sure I did, but I needed to know for sure. “I need to hear you say it,” I begged.
She smiled and reached up to touch my cheek with her free hand. “I want to be the one you need,” she whispered.
“You are.” The words were barely a breath, a soft exhale of acceptance more than language.
I didn’t think. Couldn’t. Not when she smiled at me like I’d personally hung the moon. All I could do was lean down and pull her in for a kiss like I’d been dying to do since the day I met her.
She melted into me, all soft skin and breathy sounds. I would have stood in the middle of the sidewalk kissing her for the rest of my life if she’d have let me. Nothing else mattered—nothing but the feeling of her lips on mine.
My chest ached the second we parted and I couldn’t resist the urge to kiss her again. I ignored the laughter leaving her lips, especially when she allowed my tongue to sweep into her mouth—to taste her properly.
Whatever concerns I’d had earlier were gone—all that remained was the woman in my arms and the love I’d always had for her. My whole world. My peace. My solace.
When we finally parted, both breathless, she leaned her head against my chest. I buried my face in her hair, breathing in the subtle scent of her shampoo.
After some time, she lifted her head to meet my gaze again. “Would it be wrong to ask you to take me home?”
My face fell for a moment before I caught onto her meaning. That sweet little smirk she wore told me exactly where her brain was at.
“Mine or yours?”
“Yours,” she answered instantly. “I wanna see where you live.”
I was thankful I’d hired that cleaning service a few months back—I didn’t really have the time to stay on top of house chores, so they were a godsend.
I gestured with my head towards the car. “C’mon, sweetheart. Let’s get you home.”
“Before I climb you in the middle of the street,” she muttered under her breath.
I paused for a second, a breathy laugh escaping me.
She blushed and looked down. “Sorry, you weren’t supposed to hear that.”
“Oh but I did,” I teased with a grin. “And I’m not gonna be forgetting it anytime soon.”
She looked back up at me and matched my expression. I simply shot her a wink and pulled her along with me toward the car.
So why are we both pretending
That these questions are open-ended
When we know what we need to say? Oh
When I pulled into my driveway and shut off the car, I grabbed her thigh to keep her from getting out. “Let me get the door this time, please.”
Her cheeks reddened, but she nodded.
When I opened the door and helped her out, I couldn’t resist asking, “You’re not used to this are you?”
“Which part?”
“Being treated like you deserve.”
She frowned. “What do I deserve?”
“You deserve someone who will open doors for you. Pay for meals. Buy you gifts just because he saw something that reminded him of you. Get you flowers because you had a good day or a bad day, or just because. You deserve someone who treats you well, not to get something out of it, but simply because he wants to.”
She stood there in silence for a moment, eyes brimming with emotion. For a second, I thought I’d said the wrong thing, but she threw her arms around me and pulled me down into a kiss, pushing away all thoughts I’d had.
“You’re perfect,” she whispered against my lips.
“Far from it, sweetheart.”
“Perfect for me.”
My chest tightened and I kissed her again, deepening it as she curled up against me, hand fisting my scrub top to keep me close.
“We should go inside before we give the neighbors a show,” I murmured.
“Let ‘em watch,” she moaned into my mouth.
I was very tempted to do just that, but there were things I wanted to do to her that I certainly didn’t want anyone else to see.
“If I don’t get you inside, I’m liable to do something that’ll get us both thrown in jail for the night.”
She giggled against my lips and affectionately smacked my chest. “Lead the way, handsome.”
My chest puffed out noticeably at the complimentary pet name. I never thought someone as beautiful as her would ever find an old man like me attractive.
“What’s that face for?” she murmured as she ran her fingers across as my cheek.
“I was just thinking about how beautiful you are.”
“Hmm. Is that so?”
I nodded, smile firmly glued to my lips.
“I think about how handsome you are all the time.”
The smile slipped from my lips for a moment—just a split second, but long enough for her to notice.
“You don’t believe me?”
“It’s not that—I just-well, I hadn’t really thought about it.”
“Thought about being handsome?” Her brows furrowed in amused confusion.
I chuckled lightly, shaking my head. “I’m just surprised you find me attractive.”
Surprise lit up her pretty face. “You have no idea how attractive you are, do you?”
“What?”
“Robby…” she shook her head affectionately. “You’re the most attractive man I’ve ever met.”
“Honey.” I closed my eyes, giving myself a moment to collect my thoughts. “That’s absurd. Maybe if you’d known me 20 years ago—“
Her hand pressed against my lips, silencing the words I tried to say. “You stop that right now. I like this version of you.” Her hand lifted to the edges of my eyes, where my crow’s feet showed no matter what I did. “I absolutely love your eye crinkles. I love those sweet laugh lines around your lips, and the soft wrinkles on your forehead.” She touched each place as she spoke. “I love every inch of you.”
My cheeks darkened and I looked away shyly. “You haven’t seen every inch of me.”
She smirked happily. “I’d like to. If you let me.”
All of a sudden I felt very exposed—and I was completely dressed. I hadn’t thought this far ahead. I glanced down at my stomach, chest tightening as I imagined her seeing the softness that hadn’t used to be there. She was perfect—I was far from it.
“Robby?” she murmured sweetly, brushing her hands against my beard.
I took her hands in mine and made eye contact with her. “Honey, I’m not exactly in shape the way I used to be.”
“I happen to like what I see, Robby—and I wanna see more.”
“You’re so young and…perfect. I’m soft and old. You shouldn’t want me.”
Her frown deepened. “But I do want you.”
“I don’t understand why.” What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I sabotaging myself?
“Can we go inside and talk about this?”
I sighed, but nodded. I didn’t want her to leave, but I was starting to regret bringing her here. What if she didn’t like what she saw? What if she didn’t want anything more than sex? What if she didn’t like me?
Was it the timing?
Was it the fighting?
Was the writing on the wall?
I'd swallow my pride
If you throw me a line
And I can't deny that
The second I opened the door, she dragged me through it. “Living room. Now.”
I was a little surprised by the order, but I obeyed…even though it was my house. I sat on the couch and she stood in front of me, hands on her hips. She looked more authoritative than I’d ever seen her.
“We’ve gotta work on your self-esteem, Robby,” she muttered softly. “But first, I need you to listen—not just hear me, actually listen.”
“I’m listening.”
She nodded once. “Good. ‘Cause I’m only gonna say this once. I like you. Really like you. Not just the outside, although that’s quite delicious, but the inside too. I like who you are—and I wanna get to know you better. I want to see all the parts of you you’re afraid to show the rest of the world. If you like me even half as much as I like you, then get the hell out of your head and let me show you.”
My jaw fell slack as her words hit me like slaps across my face. Hearing her say she liked me—wanted more than just a night—made my chest ache in a way that wasn’t entirely unpleasant.
“You want me?” The words came out a broken whisper—more a plea than a question.
“More than I can say,” she whispered back. “Let me show you, Robby. Please.”
How could I ever say no to that—to her? As soon as my head inclined in a nod, she was on my lap, straddling me on the couch with a soft sigh.
“You’re beautiful,” she whispered lovingly before pressing her lips to my forehead. “Every part of you.” Her lips trailed down to the corner of my left eye, then over to my right. She kissed the tip of my nose, the laugh lines around my mouth, then finally my lips.
My hands squeezed her hips, holding onto her as if she was my lifeline. I needed to feel her body against mine—needed it like I needed to breathe.
She sat back to look at me, pretty (y/e/c) eyes tracing the lines of my face as she took me in. God, she was gorgeous.
I reached up and brushed her hair back, tucking a strand behind her ear. She smiled gently as she leaned back in to kiss me. She kissed like she was trying to memorize the shape of my lips, like this might be the only time she has the pleasure of knowing exactly how they feel against hers.
I wanted to tell her I’d never stop kissing her. That she didn’t need to worry about the future. I wanted to reassure her—tell her what she meant to me. But I wasn’t strong enough to break the kiss. I craved the feeling of her lips against mine far too much.
I would have let her suffocate me to death if it meant I never had to know what it felt like to break that kiss—to separate myself from the best feeling in the world. My tongue traced her lips, silently begging her to part for me. I was desperate to kiss her deeply—properly—like she deserved.
My fingers tangled in her hair as I pulled her harder against me. I felt hers snake up into the hair at the base of my neck, nails scratching softly against my scalp. I groaned into the kiss, loving the feeling of her hands on me.
I hadn’t realized how truly touch-starved I was until this moment. I couldn’t remember the last time someone held me like this—touched me with such affection and reverence. I craved it almost as much as I craved the rest of her.
When she tried to pull away for a breath, my grip on her tightened. I didn’t wanna let her go, was hoping she wouldn’t force me to, but she gently pressed against my chest, pushing me back. She sucked in a grateful breath, a small smile curving the edges of her lips as she regarded me.
“I do need to breathe, ya know,” she teased softly.
"Breathing's overrated," I muttered as I tugged her back into me.
This time when she broke the kiss, I let her, but her mouth didn't leave my skin. Her lips brushed over my beard and down my neck. I angled my head away from her to give her better access. She took full advantage, nipping at my pulse point hungrily.
I groaned quietly as the sudden need to touch her skin overwhelmed me. I slipped my hands beneath her scrub top, fingers caressing the soft flesh. I could feel the heat from her body seeping into my hands, warming them as I moved them along her torso.
"Lemme see you," I begged, tugging on the bottom of her shirt.
She leaned back just enough to allow me to pull her shirt off over her head. Her bra was simple cotton, but it might as well have been the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.
"May I?" I traced the clasp of her bra, waiting for her response.
She bit her lip, but nodded her consent.
The moment her tits were exposed to the cool air, her nipples hardened, practically begging me to suck them. I dipped my head low enough to do just that, taking one into my mouth as I massaged the other.
She released a breathy sigh, head tilting back and exposing more of herself to me. My free hand slid up the column of her throat and settled there. I just needed to feel her--any part of her I could.
"Robby," she whined, hips grinding down against my lap.
I released her nipple with a soft pop and looked up at her. "Whatcha need, pretty girl?"
"Wanna see you too." She tugged at the neckline of my scrub top with a little whine.
I pulled it off over my head and tossed it to the side, leaving me in my undershirt.
Her lips dropped into a pout almost immediately. "That doesn't count."
My heart was racing for an entirely different reason as I gripped the bottom hem of my undershirt. I didn't want to take it off. I didn't want her to see me--to see the softness beneath.
She clearly saw my hesitation, but she was having none of it. Her fingers rested on top of mine, adding a little bit of support to accompany her words. "Just relax, baby. I already know I like what I see."
I swallowed thickly, trying desperately to believe her. I let her guide my hands as I slowly pulled my shirt up and over my head. I couldn't make eye contact with her as I dropped my hands down, settling them on her hips. I was afraid to see disappointment in her eyes--or worse.
She reached out and gently gripped my chin, lifting my face up to look at her. I wasn't prepared for the raw hunger I saw in her gaze, nor the way her expression made my heart race.
"You're so fucking sexy," she murmured, thumb tracing along my bottom lip as she held my face. "Can I touch you? Please?"
I nodded hesitantly, but there was no need for my trepidation. Not when she placed both her hands flat on my pecs and slowly slid them down, taking her time like she was learning the shape of my body.
"Fucking perfect," she purred lowly. "So strong--so masculine."
When her hands reached my belly, I tensed up instinctively, but her gentleness eased some of it away.
She slid off my lap and onto the floor between my legs, but her hands remained on my stomach. Her nails scraped across my belly, lovingly marking the sensitive skin.
She leaned forward suddenly, pressing her lips firmly to my stomach. She started to kiss all over me, seemingly reveling in the softness.
"Honey." I ran my fingers through her hair and tried to lift her up to look at her pretty face.
She let out a low sound that was just shy of a growl. "Mine," she whispered against my skin.
My heart stopped beating for longer than humanly possible as my brain processed that single word. Her possessiveness was incredibly sexy, and it made me want her even more.
I tried to get her attention again, but her fingers had finally reached the waistband of my cargo pants. She was quick to unbutton and unzip them, before finally looking back up at me with pleading eyes.
"Please."
"Please what, baby?" I breathed out.
"Wanna touch you." Her fingers clawed at my pants as she tried to pull them down without my help.
I chuckled softly and lifted my hips, letting her properly remove them. The second she did, her mouth dropped to my covered cock, mouthing at it through my underwear.
"Shit," I groaned, fingers entwining in her hair. "Baby, you don't have-"
The glare she shot me shut me up instantly. I watched her hurriedly tug my underwear down just enough to release my cock.
Her eyes widened and she licked her lips as she wrapped her hand around the base. I was already painfully hard, and the stimulation had me sucking in a harsh breath.
She stroked me slowly a few times before leaning down and licking from the base up to the tip, tongue tracing the head before taking me into her mouth.
"Fuckin' hell," I groaned, hips bucking slightly. I couldn't remember the last time I felt this good--and she'd barely even started.
She started sucking my cock properly, head bobbing rhythmically as she took me farther into her mouth. She made happy little sounds of contentment as she sucked, each one sending a wave of pleasure through me.
"So good, baby." I brushed her hair back from her face so I could see her better. "God, just like that."
She inhaled through her nose and took me into her throat, gagging at the intrusion, but she didn't pull away until her nose brushed the curls around my base.
I groaned loudly as she swallowed around me, heart hammering in my chest to the point of concern.
She repeated the motion several times, pushing me so close to orgasm I worried it'd all be over too soon.
"Baby, you gotta take it easy or I'm gonna come." I gave her hair a little tug for emphasis, but she blatantly ignored me. In fact, she sped up her movements as if to say that's exactly what she wanted.
"Wait-baby, I wanna come inside you--not like this." The slight panic in my voice was mortifying, but the pleasure mostly drowned it out.
I pulled a little harder on her hair and she grumbled in annoyance as she finally complied, releasing my cock with a frown. "I was enjoying myself."
I let out a breathless laugh. "Me too, baby--too much, actually."
She huffed quietly, but the little smirk curling the corners of her lips betrayed her pride. I tilted her chin up to look at me, smiling fondly as I took in the appearance of her swollen lips and teary eyes.
"I think we should move this to the bedroom," I urged lowly.
Her eyes darkened once again. "Only if you promise I can suck your cock again."
My eyes widened and I barked out a surprised laugh. "You tryin' to kill me, sweetheart?"
"No." She grinned wickedly. "I just wanna know what you taste like."
I swallowed. "The feeling's mutual, pretty girl."
Her grin widened as she stood up. Instead of letting her take a step back, I grabbed her hips and held her in place.
"Let's get these off first, hmm?" I quickly removed her scrub pants, tugging her underwear down with them. I wanted to see all of her--needed it so badly it hurt.
The moment she was bare, I moaned lowly. "Look at you. So beautiful."
She opened her mouth to respond, but I didn't give her the chance. I was just about eye level with her pussy and my mouth was watering--I was dying to taste her.
I leaned forward and licked between her labia, tasting her for the first time. She gasped in surprised pleasure and I groaned happily.
"You taste even better than I imagined."
"You imagined it?" she asked breathlessly.
"Every night," I answered honestly. I gave her no time to reply as I dropped to my knees and began to feast on her properly.
Her head dropped back as she moaned loudly, hand coming to rest in my hair. "Fuck, Robby--"
"Michael," I begged, pulling away just enough to speak. "Call me Michael."
She inhaled sharply and moaned my given name as I went back to eating her out. I was fairly certain I could stay between her legs for the rest of my life. She tasted like heaven and I couldn't get enough of it.
I wanted to hear those sweet sounds she was making forever--wanted to feel the way her body reacted to me for the rest of time. I couldn't get enough of her--her taste, her smell, the feel of her.
She started to shift her hips tentatively, but I wanted her to properly ride my face--use me in whatever way she needed. I gripped her hips even tighter as I helped her speed up her movements, earning a broken moan from those perfect lips.
I slipped my tongue into her tight hole, feeling her clench around me, as my nose brushed perfectly against her clit with each forward thrust of her hips.
She was on the edge of falling apart and I craved it like a starving man craved food. I readjusted myself and sucked her clit into my mouth, tongue working against it as fast as I could.
Her nails scratched at my scalp and she pulled my hair tighter as she cried out. "Oh god, Michael--please!"
I moaned loudly, adding extra stimulation to my ministrations. Her hips bucked forward as she released a shattered moan. I worked her through her orgasm, reveling in her taste.
I knew I would never tire of hearing the sounds she was making--but I wanted to see her face the next time she came. I wanted to watch her fall apart for me--I would do anything to witness it.
When her legs finally stopped shaking, I pulled back, but I kept my hands firmly on her hips. I was afraid to let go in case she lost her balance.
"You are..." she sucked in a deep breath, "...way too...good...at that."
I grinned happily. "I only stopped because my knees are starting to hurt." It was true--I would have loved to give her at least one more orgasm, preferably two, but I was getting too old to kneel on a hard floor.
"Oh!" She reached for me, helping me up to my feet. "Try not to hurt yourself for me, please."
I pulled her flush against my body, kissing her nose, then her lips. "I'd walk across hot coals for you."
"That seems excessive."
I chuckled. "Not to me." I'd burn myself alive for you.
Her expression softened and her fingers played with the hair on my chest as she looked up at me. "Will you take me to bed, Michael?"
My body shuddered in response. "I love the way my name sounds on your lips."
She smiled. "I like saying it."
I pulled her along with me as I turned and headed for my room, not wanting to separate from her for more than a moment. When we reached my bedroom, I spun her around and pushed her back against the bed, watching as she tumbled onto it.
I pulled my boxers off before climbing onto the bed with her, caging her underneath my larger frame.
She whined, wriggling her body under me. "Baby--you said I could suck your cock again."
I couldn't help the chuckle that slipped past my lips. I'd never met anyone who wanted to give me a blowjob so badly. "I don't think I can take it, sweetheart."
She pouted. "But I want to."
"I know, pretty girl. I know, but I wanna feel your sweet little pussy wrapped around me."
"Please, Michael? Just for a minute? Then you can fuck me."
She looked so damn cute begging for me and I couldn't bring myself to say no. "Alright, okay. One minute--that's all."
She moved quickly, grin spreading across her face as she flipped me onto my back. Her mouth was wrapped around my cock again before I could fully register what was happening.
I groaned loudly, hand fisting in her hair as she sucked. "Fuck, baby--feels so good. You're so good to me."
She moaned happily around my cock, the vibrations sent a bolt of pleasure through my body, making my hips buck up against her.
"Shit--" I panted heavily, trying to hold off my impending orgasm. "You-you gotta stop--baby, baby please."
She pulled off of me with a pop, eyes slightly glassy as she gazed at my face. I felt wrecked, and I hadn't even been inside her yet. I knew then that I wasn't likely to make it very long.
I reached for her, needing to feel her body against mine, but she moved just out of my reach. "Baby, where you going?"
"No touching."
"What?"
"You didn't let me finish, so no touching until I say so."
My brain scrambled as I tried to make sense of her words. "Baby, wait--that's not fair."
She gripped my cock firmly in one hand and hovered over it, lining my length up with her dripping core. "Life's not fair, but it sure is fun." She shot me a wink and dropped herself onto my cock, sheathing me inside her in one motion.
The sounds that tore from both of our throats were closer to screams than anything else. Her body sagged slightly as she leaned forward, legs shaking with pain, pleasure, or both.
My hands instinctively flew to her hips, holding her in place while I tried desperately not to come too soon. "Fuckin' hell, baby. So goddamn tight." I'd never felt anything as amazing as her. Never.
She swatted my hands away, reclaiming the control she'd had moments before. "No touching, Michael, or I'll stop. Got it?"
I nodded tentatively. I understood her words, even if I didn't understand the why. I gripped the sheets on either side of my body, a slightly desperate ploy to follow her instructions.
She lifted herself up, leaving just the tip of my cock inside her, before slamming back down onto my lap. She repeated the motion several times, each time making me cry out in pleasure.
"Shit--please, baby. Need to touch you."
"Not yet," she panted, somehow maintaining her pace. Her hands were firm on my chest, using me as leverage to bounce on my cock. "You can touch me after I come."
I groaned softly. "You'd come a lot faster if you let me touch you."
She ignored me, continuing to ride me at a pace I didn't think I could handle.
"Please, honey--it's too much."
"You can take it," she murmured sweetly. "Feels so good, doesn't it, Michael?"
I nodded desperately. "So-so good."
"Yeah?" She slipped a hand between her legs and began rubbing her clit. "Tell me how good it feels."
"You're so--" I groaned loudly. "So fucking tight. Feels-feels like heaven. Wanna stay here forever."
She smirked, but I could tell she was losing steam. "Keep talking, baby."
"Made for me, (Y/N/N). So fucking perfect--tight, wet, warm--fuuuuck, squeezing me so damn tight."
I was losing my own battle keeping my orgasm at bay, but god, I wanted to feel her come. Her pussy fluttered around me and I knew she was close.
"Can feel you, baby. Know you're close," I moaned. "Gonna come on my cock?"
She nodded rapidly, pace faltering as her fingers continued to rub frantic circles on her clit. "Michael--Michael, please!"
"Right here, baby. Shit--come for me. C'mon. You can do it."
She came with a soft cry, body shaking as her pussy spasmed around me. I held onto the sheets so tightly I feared I'd rip a hole in them, but I needed to keep my focus on anything but how fucking incredible she felt gushing all over me.
Don't come yet, don't come yet, don't come yet. I kept repeating the words in my head like a mantra. I wanted to fill that perfect pussy, but not yet--not until I could touch her.
As she came down from her high, she collapsed onto my chest, breathing heavily. Her hands came to rest on my shoulders, holding onto me as if I was her lifeline.
"Please, sweetheart," I begged. "Please let me touch you."
She nipped at my collarbone affectionately. "Touch me, Michael."
The moment the words slipped past her lips, my arms were wrapped around her and I was flipping her onto her back. I gave her no time to adjust to the new position as I thrust into her like my life depended on it.
I pulled her legs up so they were pressed against my chest as I pounded into her, pulling sweet moans from her with each thrust. Her nails scratched at my arms and chest, leaving marks I would happily wear with honor.
"You're so fucking soft," I groaned, digging my fingers into her hips to lift her just slightly.
Her head lolled back and a loud cry left her lips. "Right there! Michael! Please!"
"Yeah? That feel good?" I snapped my hips forward for emphasis.
"Fuck, yes!"
She looked even sexier writhing beneath me than I'd ever managed to imagine. I was entranced by the bounce of her perfect tits, the arch of her back, the slack in her jaw as she cried out for me. She was fucking perfect.
"Shit, baby--need you to come f'me," I ground out. "I'm not gonna last."
"Don't stop--" she gasped, clinging to my arms like they were her lifeline.
"Wouldn't dream of it." I slipped one hand between us to rub soft circles on her clit, pushing her ever-faster toward her release.
Her jaw dropped open and a shattered moan escaped as she came harder than before, pussy spasming and gripping my cock like it didn't want me to leave.
"Oh, fuck," I groaned lowly, head dropping forward as I chased my high.
"Michael, look at me."
I lifted my head to look at her beautiful, blissed out face. Her eyes were dark and she was breathing heavily--she'd never looked quite so enchanting.
"I want you to look at me when you fill me up."
My eyes widened and a bolt of pure pleasure shot through my body. I kept my eyes locked on her as I started to come, hips losing rhythm as I emptied into her tight pussy.
Her body arched up into me as aftershocks wracked her body--our breath mingling together as she helped me ride out my high.
After a few moments, I lowered her legs and practically collapsed on top of her, lips pressing into every inch of skin I could reach without moving.
I felt her arms wrap around me, one hand running through my hair soothingly as we both caught our breath.
"That was..." I began.
"Perfect," she whispered.
I lifted my head enough to see her smiling at me. "You're perfect."
She rolled her eyes affectionately. "Hush."
"I'm serious," I insisted. "You're fucking perfect. I love--" I felt my cheeks heat up and my entire body tensed as I realized what I was about to admit.
I pulled my softening cock out of her as I scrambled to get off her. I couldn't recall the last time I was this level of mortified.
"Baby." Her voice was firm as she gripped my biceps, trying desperately to hold me still. "Baby, look at me."
I couldn't bring myself to meet her gaze. I was terrified of what I'd see there--I wouldn't survive her pity.
"Michael," she murmured sweetly as her hand cupped my cheek softly. "Please look at me."
I blinked a few times as I tried to push down the fear bubbling in my gut. When I finally forced myself to look up at her, my chest ached from the softness I saw in her expression.
"There you are." She gave me the gentlest smile I'd ever seen as she rubbed her thumb across my cheek.
I leaned into her hand as my bottom lip trembled slightly. Even with the way she was looking at me, I was still terrified of what she was going to say. "I'm sorry, (Y/N/N). I shouldn't have said--"
"No." The single word was so forceful it shut me up immediately. "Don't you dare apologize for how you feel--and don't even think about apologizing for voicing it."
"But it's too soon to--"
"What did I just say?"
My mouth snapped shut. My heart raced in my chest--beating so loudly I was certain she could hear it.
"I want you to finish your thought," she professed softly.
"Which one?" I knew what she meant, but I was hoping to buy myself time.
"Tell me what you love." Her eyes were filled with such affection it nearly hurt to look at her, but I couldn't tear my gaze away.
"You," I whispered, the word barely more than a shaky breath. "I love you." The admission eased something in my chest, but the fear still remained. What if she didn't feel the same? "You don't have to say it back--"
She pulled me toward her as she lifted herself just enough to press her lips against mine in a searing kiss. I tried to pull away, to finish my statement, but she shook her head, grip never loosening.
"Please shut up," she muttered against my lips.
I sighed softly as she kissed me deeply. I responded in kind, pouring everything I felt for her into the kiss.
When we finally separated, she let me pull back just enough to look at her properly. Her beautiful face was filled with unreadable emotion, and it made it hard for me to breathe.
"I've waited a long time for you to finally see how badly I wanted you," she began slowly. "I was starting to wonder if maybe I'd misinterpreted your signals--if perhaps I was reading into things because of how I felt about you."
She sighed softly. "When I asked you to dinner tonight, I'd planned on telling you how I feel--even if you didn't feel the same way. I chickened out, but you gave me the little push I needed to be honest, or at least as honest as I was willing to be in the moment."
She had me on the edge of my proverbial seat as I waited for her to continue.
"I still remember the moment I first knew for sure." She bit her lip, cheeks tinged a little pink as she silently debated whether or not to continue. "I was an R2. The sweetest elderly woman I'd ever met came in with a severe infection in a leg laceration."
I remembered the patient she was referring to--it was a particularly memorable one for me too.
"She was so sweet, even with all the pain she was in. She told me about her late husband, her children, her grandchildren--her whole life story. She was just so kind, so warm. I had a bad feeling about the infection--and her labs confirmed it. The infection had spread into her blood stream and her vital organs. She was already septic and there was nothing we could do."
I reached out and gently wiped away the single tear that had slid down her cheek. Her eyes closed for a moment as she collected herself before continuing.
"You were the attending on shift that day. I remember begging you to tell me I was wrong--that we could do something for her. I still remember the softness in your gaze when you told me we could make her comfortable. We could call her family--give them the opportunity to say goodbye."
The tears began to fall properly then, from her eyes as well as mine.
But still she continued, "I was heartbroken when she passed. She was surrounded by her family--people who loved her--but I felt terrible. I felt like I'd failed her. But you? You pulled me into your office and told me I'd done all I could. You let me yell. You let me cry. You held me when I felt like I couldn't stand anymore. You gave me the support I needed without me having to ask--without me even knowing what I needed."
I'd cared about her deeply even then. It had broken me to see her in such pain. I would have done anything to make it better for her--anything she asked.
"Do you remember what you told me?"
I thought back, trying to think of what I said, but I couldn't bring the memory to mind. I shook my head.
She released a breathy sound. "I'll never forget it. 'What makes you a good doctor isn't just knowing the science. It's caring about the people you treat like they're more than just a name on a chart. That compassion is why you're the best doctor in this ED.'"
The memory slammed into me with sudden clarity. I remember thinking then that she was already a better doctor than I'd ever be--and I didn't want her to lose that compassion, that love for humanity.
"And that, Michael Robinavitch, was the moment I knew I loved you," she admitted softly.
I froze as my brain struggled to process the words she'd just spoken. She loved me? She loved me. She loved me.
"You love me?" I whispered, awe evident in my voice.
"For almost two years," she confirmed.
"You love me."
She nodded, gaze soft and affectionate.
"You love me," I repeated, smile growing on my face.
She giggled softly. "I love you."
The confirmation--hearing her say the words a second time--had my heart nearly bursting in my chest with joy.
"You love me." I leaned down and kissed her. "You love me."
She laughed against my lips as she kissed me back. "Yes, Michael. I love you."
I grinned wider. "I fucking love you, (Y/N). I love you."
Her grin matched my own as she leaned in to kiss me again. I leaned back down into her, pressing her back against the mattress as I deepened the kiss.
Her hands roamed my torso, soft sounds of pleasure slipping past her lips and into my mouth as we kissed. God I fucking love this woman.
I broke the kiss so I could whisper the words into her skin. "I love you, baby. So fucking much." I kissed all over her face, chuckling at the giggles that left her mouth.
"Your beard tickles!"
"You like it."
"I love it."
I pulled back to meet her eyes. I knew I was grinning like a fool, but I couldn't wipe the look off my face.
"What do we now?" she asked softly.
"Wha'd'ya mean?"
"Do-do we tell people?"
"I was planning on walking into the Pitt and yelling it on our next shift."
She laughed and smacked my chest. "You were not."
"'Course I was. I want everyone to know you're mine."
"You're absurd."
"I'm serious, babe. I'll fucking call Jack right now and give him the good news. He can tell the night shift."
She cocked her head to the side, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Ya know what? Fuck it. Let's call him."
"Really?"
"Let the rumors get a head start. We have a whole day before we have to go back."
I grinned and kissed her. "You got it, sweetheart."
Ten minutes later, I was placing a call to my best friend. He answered on the third ring.
"Hey brother, I've got some big news I want you to share..."
Summary: Robby thinks he needs to be gentle with you all the time because you can’t handle his rougher, mean side. You come up with a plan to get him to change his mind, and while it doesn't work out the way you'd planned, there are zero complaints from either of you.
Warnings: cursing, unspecified age gap, a bit of manipulation by reader, slight angst, fluffy ending. SMUT, fingering, orgasm denial, choking, daddy kink, praise kink, edging, overstimulation, squirting, face fucking, oral (M & F receiving), unprotected sex (p in v), bratty reader, dom!robby, a smidge of mean dom!robby.
“Honey, you don’t know what you’re asking me.”
You sighed for the hundredth time in five minutes. “Yes, I do. I’m not asking you to go out of your way to hurt me or something. I just want you to stop treating me like I’m fragile. I can handle every part of you, Robby. Even the parts you don’t like as much.”
He ran his hand over his face and shook his head rapidly. “Absolutely not. I’m not risking hurting you—I already lose myself when I’m with you…I won’t risk it, (Y/N).”
A frown settled onto your pretty features, making Robby feel instantly worse. He wanted to give you whatever you wanted, but he didn’t want you to see certain parts of him. He didn’t want you to be afraid of him…or think for even one second he would purposefully hurt you.
Robby knew he could be a raging asshole, especially when he was upset or hurting—and he would rather die than take it out on you. No matter how many times you begged him to.
“I just want you to be able to let go with me,” you whispered, eyes cast down to the floor.
He immediately felt like an ass. Even when he was actively trying not to hurt you, he managed to upset you. “Sweetheart.” He lifted your chin up to meet his gaze. “You’re my everything, okay? Being with you feels like coming home. I don’t want to jeopardize that. What if you don’t like what you see? What if it’s too much? What if I actually do hurt you?”
“You’d never hurt me on purpose.” You said the words with such conviction—he knew you meant them.
“Even if it was an accident, baby, I’d never forgive myself.”
The frown was still firmly on your face, but the edges of it had softened. “Okay. I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”
He sighed softly, tension easing from his shoulders. “Thank you, sweet girl.” His lips brushed your forehead before he took a step back, releasing your face from his gentle hold.
He gave you one last lingering look before walking out of his office, leaving you standing there feeling like the conversation wasn’t over yet.
And that’s when a terrible—brilliant?—idea hit you. But for it to succeed, you were going to need help. A lot of it. From your lovely fellow residents.
You practically bolted from Robby’s office, making a beeline for McKay. You knew she was working in triage this morning, and thankfully she was in between patients.
“Cassie!” You caught her attention as you rushed up to her. “I need your help.”
“Is everything okay?” There was genuine concern on her face and you felt a little bad for worrying your friend over something so…silly.
“Yeah, it’s about Robby, actually.”
“Oh?” Her raised eyebrow was the only indicator of her amusement.
“I need your help annoying him today.”
“You want me to piss off our boss?”
“Yes.”
She crossed her arms with a small sigh. “There better be a really good reason, (Y/N/N).”
“Depends on how you define the word ‘good’.”
"Given how much of an ass he's been lately, I'm going to need the best possible reason. I don't really want to be on his bad side for the rest of time."
You gave her a half smile that more so resembled a wince. "I kind of need him to be in a mood--like a really intense mood. So maybe, he'll uh-he'll take it out on me."
Recognition flickered across her face along with a flash of surprise. Her voice dropped as she responded, "You wanna piss him off so he'll what? Be rougher?"
"Basically. Yeah."
"Jesus," she muttered. "Did you consider just asking him?"
You shot her a glare. "I did ask him, Cass. Multiple times. He's shut me down every single time. He keeps saying he doesn't wanna hurt me."
"Well that's actually kinda sweet of him," she said thoughtfully.
"Ugh," you groaned. "Yes, of course it's sweet, but I want more!"
Cassie let out a soft laugh and she shook her head in amusement. "Alright, fine. But only because he's been pissing me off lately--and because I love you."
You grinned. "You're my favorite, ya know?"
"Yeah, yeah." She rolled her eyes good-naturedly and waved you off.
Next on your list was Santos. You knew she would be one hundred percent down to tick off Robby--especially for a good cause.
"Yo, (Y/L/N)--hold up!"
Speak of the devil. You turned around with a big smile on your face. "I was just looking for you."
Santos reached your side with her own mischievous look etched onto her face. "We're telepathically linked."
You chuckled, smile never dimming. "Wanna help me annoy Robby all day?"
"Don't threaten me with a good time," she teased. "What's the occasion?"
"I want him to stop being so gentle with me--at least once. Just to prove he can be meaner without hurting me."
"So you wanna piss off bossman because you wanna get fucked into the mattress?"
You smacked her arm with a huff. "He does that just fine, thank you very much."
She held the bridge of her nose, a look of disgust crossing her face. "Please never say that again. I do not want to picture my boss fucking anyone."
You giggled lightly. "I could be more detailed if you want--"
"I'd rather die," she interjected dramatically.
"Fine, fine!" You laughed again, softer this time. "I just want him to be able to let go with me. Be completely comfortable--entirely himself--that's all."
Her expression softened slightly, though the disgust still lingered. "Alright, fine. As much as I abhor the sweetness of that sentiment, I'm happy to help you with your mission."
Your smile widened. "Think you can convince Huckleberry too?"
"Oh I will absolutely delight in trying." She shot you in a wink as she sauntered off in search of her roommate.
You knew better than to ask Mel for assistance--she was simply too respectful to stoop to that level. Samira was already on Robby's shit list every five seconds, so you didn't want to put her in an awkward position for this. As for Langdon...well, his mere existence was a thorn in Robby's side as of late, so you didn't even have to try there.
You decided to leave the interns out of it as it really wasn't fair to them--they weren't even paid to be there. The nurses were much too busy for such shenanigans, though you were sure you could at least get Perlah and Princess on board if you asked.
Before you could decide if you wanted to ask them, you heard your name being called by one of the interns. You immediately slid back into work-mode and went to help.
**********
Five hours had passed since you initially enlisted the help of McKay and Santos. Santos had convinced Whitaker--begrudgingly, of course--to assist in the endeavor. You were fairly certain she'd threatened him, but you didn't want to ask.
The four of you had done a bang-up job of pissing Robby off--never at the expense of a patient, of course. But even the smallest of things could set him off these days.
Whitaker spilled Robby's travel mug of coffee all over the floor, eliminating the only enjoyable bit of his morning. McKay asked the same question at least four different times before then going to ask Dana instead. Santos kept making cracks about Robby's age and arguing with him over the tiniest little thing. And you? Well you ignored him--and he hated being ignored, especially by you.
You could tell Robby was extremely annoyed just by the way he stood. His shoulders were tense, his jaw was clenched, and his arms were crossed tightly over his chest. His glare was fixed on Santos, who seemed to be mirroring his stance. She looked just as fiercely annoyed as he did, and although you couldn't hear the argument, the small smirk edging the corners of her lips told you she was winning.
You quietly moved closer to the nurse's station, dropping into a chair to work on some charting--or at least pretend to while also eavesdropping on your man.
"Guess we'll have to agree to disagree, old man," Santos huffed before turning on her heel and stalking in the opposite direction.
"What the hell has gotten into all the residents today?" Robby groaned as he leaned against the counter.
Dana's dry chuckle met your ears before her response. "They probably all got tired of you being an asshole all the time."
"It's not all the time," he insisted.
"You're right, you've been better as of late." Dana turned towards him to give him a knowing look. "I wonder why that is."
"Don't start," he muttered under his breath.
"Nothing wrong with admitting you're in love."
He groaned again, head hanging low in defeat. "I haven't even told her yet."
Your entire body froze when his words reached you. Your mouth went dry instantly and your brain suddenly shut down, no longer able to process anything but those whispered words.
While you couldn't hear Dana's response, you heard Robby say, "I will." To be fair, you weren't sure how much time had passed since he essentially admitted to Dana he loved you, but his voice propelled you back into action. You started frantically typing into the chart in front of you, pretending as though you'd been doing that the whole time.
Your relationship with Robby was kind of like an open-secret in the Pitt. Everyone knew about it, but neither of you went around advertising it. You were professional at work, but if all of you went out after work, it was just like any other relationship. Everyone was actually rather thankful you two started dating--you really did soften his harsher side.
Robby cleared his throat, rousing you from your thoughts with a jolt. You looked up at him in surprise, only to be met with a small smirk.
"Sorry, sweetheart. Didn't mean to scare you."
"You didn't," you said automatically. "Just a little surprised."
"Mhmm," he hummed. "You got a second?"
You glanced pointedly at your screen, remembering what your slightly evil plan for the day was. "Kinda busy right now. Can it wait?"
His eyebrows lifted almost all the way to his hairline. He wasn't at all used to you being dismissive, and he didn't like it. Not one bit. "Excuse me?" His voice took on that low, moderately aggravated tone that sent a thrill straight through your veins.
You gestured to the computer in front of you. "Gotta catch up on my charting."
You were fairly certain steam would be coming out of his ears if it were physically possible. Instead, he sighed heavily, extending the exhale to give himself a moment to calm down.
He leaned forward, lips much closer to your ear than professionally acceptable, and whispered, "My office. Now."
Your body shivered in response, but you managed to keep your face neutral and unbothered. You glanced at the clock in the corner of the screen before responding without sparing him a glance. "We've got an hour left in the shift. Then we can talk."
"If you don't get that pretty little ass of yours into my office in two seconds, I'm going to fucking throw you over my shoulder and take you there myself. Do you understand?"
That got your attention. Your head whipped in his direction, shock evident on every inch of your face. Your jaw hung low in light horror at his suggestion.
Robby's jaw clenched even harder as he fought the urge to grab your jaw and force it closed. "I said, do you understand?"
His tone had your body responding without your permission, a wave of arousal dripping between your thighs.
"I-I understand."
"Good." He stood back up to his full height. "Then get moving."
You got out of your chair and started walking towards his office. You were annoyed with how easily you followed his instructions, but at the end of the day, you always had a hard time resisting him. It didn’t help that you were thoroughly enjoying every second of his anger.
You could feel his presence looming behind you, anger rolling off his body with each step. You had half a mind to stop short, just to feel his body crash into yours, but you knew it would only serve to piss him off further. You didn’t wanna risk him actually carrying you to his office in front of everyone.
The second he closed his office door behind you, he spoke again. "What's with the bratty attitude you've had all day? Hmm? You've been rude, standoffish, and petty all day. Bordering on insubordination at times. So what the hell is going on?"
You crossed your arms over your chest, intent on holding your ground. "I'm just tired of you being so damn bossy all the time."
"I'm literally the boss."
"Yeah, well you don't have to be a dick about it."
"How is me asking you to do your job, being a dick?" he snapped.
In fairness, none of your sass had really been job-related. If he asked you to do something mundane, you rolled your eyes, but you still did it. There were some lines you couldn’t cross, no matter how badly you wanted to.
"It's the way you do it! You're always so damn snippy with people, especially the residents."
"Maybe that's because all the damn residents think back-talking me is perfectly acceptable behavior. Every single one of you has managed to piss me off in some form or fashion today."
Your lips twitched into a half smile before you could stop it--schooling your face into a neutral expression a moment too late.
Robby's eyes narrowed as he stared at you, gaze practically boring a hole directly into your head. "What are you up to, (Y/N)?"
"Nothing." You realized too late that your response came out much too quickly.
"Nothing, huh?" He folded his arms across his chest as he took a menacing step in your direction. "You wouldn't lie to me, would you, sweetheart?"
"N-no," you stammered out softly, looking anywhere but at him.
He took another step towards you and you instinctively backed up, ass hitting the edge of his desk. Seeing that you had no where to go, Robby smirked and took another step, putting you in arm's reach.
"Really?" he murmured lowly. "Then why won't you look at me?"
His hand reached out and gripped your jaw tightly. He angled your head up so you had no choice but to look into his eyes.
"Robby, I--"
"Uh-uh," he hushed you. "Tell me what little game you're playing or don't say a damn word."
You closed your mouth, intent on not spilling your secret.
Robby's smirk only darkened as he stepped further into you, his much larger body caging yours against his desk. The hand not gripping your chin dipped low, cupping your soaking core through your scrub pants.
You released a whine at the touch, hips jerking slightly towards him. You hated how easily you melted for him—he had an undeniable effect on you.
"Fuckin' hell, baby," he murmured, eyes locked on yours. "How long you been this soaked? Have you been walking around the ER like this all day, honey? Fucking dripping like this?"
You tried to shake your head, but his grip on your face wouldn't allow it. Besides, it was painfully, embarrassingly true.
"Dirty girl." He slipped his hand beneath the waistband of your pants and into your underwear. The second his fingers brushed your folds, you whined breathily.
"Shit, honey...fuckin' soaked f'me, hmm?" His lips brushed against yours, but he refused to deepen the kiss.
"Robby," you whined, hips desperately grinding down on his hand.
Two of his fingers slid into your tight hole, thumb finding your clit with ease. The moan that left your lips was simply too loud in the current setting, and Robby was having none of that.
His hand dropped to your throat, long fingers wrapping around it firmly. He didn't squeeze, but the warning was clear. "Don't you dare make a sound, baby."
You nodded rapidly as his fingers sped up. It was embarrassing how close you were already--and Robby knew it.
"Already squeezing my fingers so tight--can feel how badly your little pussy needed this."
You whimpered softly, earning you a light squeeze around your neck.
"Quiet, baby. Don't wanna get caught now, do ya?"
Your pussy spasmed involuntarily, immediately alerting Robby to your thoughts.
"Or do you? That what you want honey? Want someone to come in here and find your boss fingering you? Making you fucking fall apart with nothing but his hand?" A light squeeze on your neck followed his words. "Answer me."
"Yes," you breathed out.
He growled as he lowered his head to press his lips against yours, kissing you hungrily, greedily. Your hands gripped his shoulders for extra leverage as you tried desperately to push yourself over the edge.
"You wanna come, pretty girl?" he whispered against your lips.
You nodded rapidly.
"Words." Another light squeeze.
"Please, Robby."
"Alright, sweet girl. You can come...if you tell me what you did."
You whined softly, still not wanting to tell him.
He slowed his fingers to prove his point. "Tell me or you don't get to come."
Your eyes widened and the words began to spill from your mouth. "I wanted to a-annoy you," you said desperately. "J-just w-wanted to get you to loosen up. Thought you'd be m-meaner."
"So you thought I'd give you want you wanted if I was pissed off?"
"M-maybe."
He sped his fingers back up, giving you the friction you needed. "Did you enlist anyone else in your little plan?"
You bit your lip, trying to hold back your response.
"(Y/N)," he said in a warning tone.
"Yes! I-I did."
"Who?"
"Robby," you whined. You didn’t want to get your friends in trouble.
"Who?" He squeezed your throat again for emphasis.
"McKay, Santos, and Whitaker!" you cried.
A satisfied smile settled onto his face. "There. Was that so hard?"
You let out a quiet sound, but didn't really answer his question--though he didn't need one.
"You wanna come now, sweetheart?"
"Please," you whimpered.
"Yeah, I bet you do. You close?"
You nodded rapidly, the heat coiling tighter and tighter in your belly.
Robby leaned in, lips grazing the shell of your ear. His voice was low and gravelly as it met your ear, "You don't deserve it."
He pulled his fingers out of your pants, leaving you breathless, orgasm slipping away.
"No, no--please," you whined, reaching for him.
He ignored you, choosing instead to pop his soaked fingers into his mouth, moaning softly at the taste as he licked them clean.
"Robby," you pleaded. "That's not fair."
"Oh I'm sorry, honey--did you think I wouldn't punish you for your behavior?"
"Well, I --"
"You wanted me meaner, baby. Well now you've got it." He looked you up and down in an unreadable expression. "Straighten yourself up and get back to finishing your charting. We'll continue this at home."
With that, he walked out the door, leaving you to deal with the repercussions of your actions.
**********
It had taken you a good 10 minutes to calm your breathing and straighten yourself out before you felt composed enough to rejoin the Pitt.
No one seemed to notice your slightly disheveled appearance or the complete and utter lack of focus you displayed for the remainder of the shift.
You were fairly certain you’d merely stared at one chart for at least 15 minutes without moving. Your mind was too preoccupied with Robby…and what punishments he might dole out upon your arrival at his home.
You’d almost become accustomed to referring to it as your home too—you spent more time there than you did at your own apartment. You liked it that way, and so did Robby.
Robby regularly stayed late at the end of his shift, making sure everything transitioned properly and there was enough coverage. Tonight, however, he was eager to get home.
The moment Jack Abbot walked through the doors, Robby was at his side. “Hey brother—you mind handling report tonight? I gotta get going.”
Abbot smiled and clapped his friend on the back. “Of course. Got a hot date?” He wiggled his eyebrows and shot a glance in your direction.
Robby followed his gaze with an unreadable expression. His jaw was tight as he muttered, “Something like that.”
As if you felt the two men staring, you looked up at that exact moment, eyes meeting Robby’s unusually dark ones. You looked a bit like a deer in the headlights before you quickly looked away, scrambling to pack up your things.
“Everything okay with you two?” Abbot asked gently, concern lacing his tone.
“She decided today was the day she wanted to be a fucking brat and push me past my limit.” Robby scratched his beard and groaned. “She’s gonna be the death of me, man.”
Abbot merely grinned. “Don’t lie—you love it.”
Robby cracked a small smile. “Don’t blow my cover, Jack.”
Abbot shot him a wink and started backing up towards the nurse’s station. “Use protection and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
“Is there anything you wouldn’t do?” Robby asked with a quiet chuckle.
“Nope—that’s kinda the point.” Abbot gave him a thumbs up before turning his attention to the board with a satisfied smirk on his face.
At that moment, you appeared beside Robby, demeanor slightly worried, and more than a little needy.
“Ready to go?” you asked softly.
He merely grunted as he nodded his head towards the door. You went first and he followed behind, admiring your body as you walked. He wouldn’t normally be so blatant about his staring, but he really couldn’t bring himself to care. Not tonight.
When you reached the parking deck, you started in the direction of your car, stopping when you heard Robby’s authoritative tone from behind you. “I’m driving.”
"But-" You turned to look at him. “What about my car?”
“It’ll be here tomorrow.”
You opened your mouth to protest further, but one look from him had you closing it and following him obediently.
Robby, ever the gentleman, opened the passenger door and helped you in. It didn’t matter if he was angry—you were his girl and he intended to treat you right.
The drive to his place was silent. Dead silent. Uncomfortably so. He didn't even turn on the radio, and when you reached for the dial, he shot you a look so deadly, you dropped your hand immediately.
You felt his simmering anger as if it were a tangible thing--and the longer you let it go, the more intense it became. You weren't sure if he was actually angry with you or just frustrated, and you didn't dare ask.
In all honesty, a tiny bit of guilt had settled in the pit of your stomach, only worsened by his silence--and the quiet words he'd said to Dana when he thought no one was around.
You wanted to say something, apologize, beg for forgiveness, tell him you didn't mean it...but the way he gripped the steering wheel like he was seconds from breaking the damn thing, kept you silent.
When he pulled into his driveway and shut off the car, he didn't move to get out, nor did he look in your direction. He stared straight ahead as if frozen in time.
The silence was eating at you, making you second guess every decision you'd made, every button you'd pushed. You even wondered if you'd managed to do irreparable damage to your relationship. The thought terrified you.
"I'm sorry," you whispered, timid voice breaking the heavy silence.
His brows dipped low as he finally looked at you. "For what?"
"For upsetting you. I-I didn't mean to take it so far, and I--"
He barked out a harsh laugh that felt wrong in the current setting. "Christ, baby, you don't need to apologize. I'm not mad at you."
"You're not?"
"'Course not." He turned his body to face you properly. "Am I frustrated with your attitude? Absolutely. Am I angry with you? Not even a little. Am I maddeningly turned on by your behavior? You bet that pretty ass I am."
"Oh. Oh."
"When we get in the house, I'm not gonna be as soft as I am right now, but I don't want you to think for even one second that I'm actually upset. You pushed me a little farther than I'd normally be willing to go, but fuck if it's not doing something to me."
The smallest of smiles lifted the edges of your mouth. "Really? So you like it when I'm a brat?"
His eyes darkened ever so slightly. "Don't push it, sweetheart."
"And what if I do? What are you gonna do about it?"
Hunger flashed through his gaze. "Get your ass in the house. Now."
You debated the merits of pushing him just a little more--deciding quickly it was worth it. "Make me."
"Fuckin' hell," he growled. He opened his door and slammed it shut with infinitely more force than necessary before rounding the front of the car to get to your door.
When he tugged it open, your entire body was coiled with anticipation. You were unprepared, however, for what this middle-aged man was about to do.
He leaned in and grabbed you, yanking you towards him to get the leverage he needed to throw you over his shoulder. You squealed loudly when you landed, only to make the sound again when he slapped a firm hand directly on your ass.
"Robby! Put me down!"
"Not happening." He started walking towards the front door, not giving a damn that you were struggling against his grip. "Act like a petulant child and you get treated like one."
"This cannot be good for your back," you muttered, both to tease him and in actual concern.
"I'm perfectly capable of carrying my girl," he snapped with a little more defensiveness than necessary as he opened the front door.
"You sure? You are almost 50, after all."
Robby's gait widened and he picked up the pace, intent on getting you in his bed immediately--but those teasing words rang in his head, hitting a little closer to home than he would have liked.
He turned suddenly, shifting towards the kitchen island, which he dumped you unceremoniously on top of. "You've got quite the mouth on you tonight, huh sweetheart?"
"If you say so."
"Jesus Christ," he grit out, dropping his head to try and regain some composure. His hands curled into fists on either side of your legs, as if squeezing them together would somehow calm him. "Fuckin' little brat."
"Are you gonna do something about it or are you all talk?"
His head snapped up, and you were met with the darkest gaze he'd ever given you. The soft brown of his irises was completely swallowed by his pupils, giving him a terrifying, yet incredibly enticing appearance.
"Get on your knees, (Y/N)," he growled lowly, taking a step back to allow you just enough space to do what he asked.
When you didn't move right away, he grabbed your hips and tugged you off the counter.
"On. Your. Knees."
You had never heard him use that tone before--even when he was actually angry. While it frightened you a little, it also turned you on beyond belief. There was a zero percent chance you could resist him when he was like this.
You lowered yourself to the floor, keeping your eyes locked on his the entire time, patiently waiting for his next command.
"Unzip my pants."
Your hands were slightly shaky as you reached out, anticipation flooding your body with adrenaline. Robby was already painfully hard--an almost shocking amount for a man of his age.
"Take out my cock."
You moved a little quicker as you lowered his boxers to free his cock. Your mouth watered at the sight as it always did, and you wanted to taste him with the kind of desperation that embarrassed you.
Without waiting for permission, you leaned in, fully intent on sucking him into your mouth, but one of Robby's large hands gripped your jaw, keeping you from moving closer.
"Did I say you could suck my cock?"
Your eyes widened as you stared up at him, surprised he'd stopped you from one of his favorite activities.
He squeezed your jaw painfully. "Answer my question."
You let out a soft whimper. "N-no."
His gaze softened just barely at the little sound of discomfort that slipped from your lips. "Can you give me a safe word, sweet girl?"
"Pineapple," you whispered.
His lips turned upward just enough to indicate the hint of a smile. "Good girl." An involuntary moan left your lips at the praise, but he ignored it. "If you can't speak, I want you to tap my thigh three times, okay? And I'll stop."
You nodded, but that wasn't good enough for Robby.
"I need to hear you say it, honey."
"Tap your thigh three times to stop."
He flashed his teeth for a split second before dropping back into his mean dom role. "That'a girl. Now open your fuckin' mouth."
You opened your mouth without hesitation, sticking your tongue out as you waited for his next move. He gripped his cock tightly at the base, stroking it a few times before tapping the head against your tongue.
One hand grabbed the back of your head, fingers tangling in your hair to hold you in place as he thrust his cock fully into your waiting mouth. You gagged at the intrusion, eyes watering as you tried to breathe through the feeling.
Your lips sealed around his cock, sucking harshly as you tried to move your head the way you knew he liked, but he wasn't having any of that tonight. He was in complete control--he set the pace.
He moved his hips slowly as he stared down at you. "I like you better like this," he groaned. "Fuckin' choking on my cock instead of running your mouth."
He punctuated the statement with a harsh thrust, forcing his cock into your throat and holding you there. You squirmed as you gagged around him, trying to swallow to alleviate the discomfort.
Robby moaned loudly at the feeling of your throat constricting around him, and he held you in place for several seconds before releasing your head. You pulled back, sputtering as you tried to catch your breath, but he didn't give you more than a moment before his cock was back in your mouth, bullying your throat once more.
Your hands gripped his thighs tightly for stability as he fucked your face. "Not so fuckin' mouthy now, are you? Is this what you wanted? My cock down your fucking throat?"
You tried to nod, but his grip on your head made it impossible. Your tear-filled eyes looked up at him, trying to convey how much you were enjoying it with nothing more than a look.
He smirked down at you, thumb coming up to brush away some of your tears, further smearing your mascara on your cheek. "You look so pretty like this, baby. You were made for this, huh?"
You moaned around his cock, the vibrations making his head fall back in ecstasy, a loud groan of pleasure escaping his parted lips.
He started to thrust a little faster, each movement pushing his cock slightly farther down your throat. You continued to swallow around him, desperate to make him feel as good as you could.
You knew he was close, so you ignored the burning in your lungs as you let him continue to use you. You flattened your tongue against the underside of his cock and flexed it on an inward thrust.
A shattered sound left Robby as he came faster than he'd expected, hot spurts of his cum shooting down your throat. You swallowed every drop, moaning contentedly until he finally pulled out.
He gripped the edge of the island just behind you, using the cold stone as support. He looked down at you and was a little surprised to see your sweet face looking up at him with such wanton desire.
"You did so well for me, pretty girl," he murmured as he ran his thumb along your bottom lip.
You smiled, preening at the praise. You knew he was still recovering from his intense orgasm, but you were extremely impatient, especially after his earlier ministrations.
"Worn out already, old man?" you teased softly.
His expression darkened again. "You better watch your damn mouth."
"I can't be concerned about my boyfriend's waning stamina? I mean, at your age--"
His strong hand gripped your jaw, forcing it closed. He leaned down toward you, mouth hovering mere inches from yours. "I have plenty of stamina," he growled. "The question is, do you?"
Surprise lit up your face, unsure of where he was going with that.
"Get up." He released your jaw and stepped back, gesturing for you to follow his order. He tucked himself back into his pants as he waited.
You pulled yourself off the floor, legs a little stiff from the cold tile.
"Take off your clothes."
You looked up at him with wide eyes before glancing towards the windows behind him. It had been fine to suck his cock as no one could have really seen anything from the angle, but now you felt a little too exposed.
"But, Robby, anyone could see--"
"Did I ask you a question?"
"No--"
"Did I tell you to speak?"
You shook your head, thighs squeezing together at his authoritative tone.
"Then shut your mouth and take off your damn clothes."
You clamped your mouth shut and began to do as he asked, starting with your scrub top.
"Slower." His voice held a barely restrained hunger that sent a thrill right through you. He grabbed one of the stools beside the island and lowered himself onto it, intent on watching the show.
Your hands shook slightly as you gripped the bottom of your undershirt. You slowly pulled it over your head before letting it fall to the floor. You glanced toward the window as your fingers fiddled with the clasp of your bra, and when you unhooked it, you didn't let it fall.
"Don't tell me you're shy all of a sudden."
You looked pointedly at the window before meeting his dark gaze. "I just--what if someone sees?"
He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Does that bother you, hmm? That anyone could look in and see your perfect body? See all the parts of you that are meant just for me?"
You bit your lip nervously and nodded.
He stood up and stepped toward you, eyes still dark, but with a layer of softness you hadn't seen in a while. "Does it bother you that I want that? That I want someone to walk by and see you--that I want them to be jealous of what's mine?"
Your eyes widened slightly and a small gasp left your mouth. You couldn't deny the thrill that went through you at the thought--and Robby didn't miss the way your thighs clenched.
He glanced down with a small smirk. "Would it bother you if I spread you out on this island while I ate you out like a fucking feast? Hmm?"
"Robby," you whimpered.
His large hands gripped your bra straps and tugged them down. "I've got you, baby."
You trusted him wholly and completely--and the idea that he was just as turned on by this as you were only made you want him more. You released the hold you had on your bra, finally exposing your chest to him.
"There ya go, sweetheart. Much better." He took a step back and dropped onto the stool again. "Keep going."
You slipped off your shoes and socks before untying the drawstring on your scrub pants. You were slow to lower them down your body, eyes trained on his face as he watched you.
His hungry gaze darkened further when his eyes landed on the massive wet spot in your panties. "Take 'em off nice and slow, baby."
You did as he asked, hands shaking slightly as you ignored the pulsing need in your cunt.
"Hand 'em over." He reached out a hand and you placed the damp underwear into his outstretched palm. He brought them to his face and inhaled deeply with a satisfied groan before tucking them into his back pocket.
You were now completely bare in front of him, while he remained completely dressed. He hadn't even bothered to take off his shoes.
"C'mere." He beckoned you towards him and you obeyed as if pulled to him magnetically.
His hands gripped your hips as he pressed you into his body, lips slamming into yours with a shocking amount of force. He gave you no warning before pressing his tongue against your lips, demanding entry, which you gave with no resistance.
His tongue tangled with yours, teeth clashing as he devoured your mouth--thoughtlessly losing himself in the taste and feel of you.
His grip on your hips suddenly tightened and he lifted you up onto the island. "Lean back."
You did as he asked, watching nervously as he spread your thighs as wide as he possibly could.
"Look at that," he groaned, eyes locked onto your soaked pussy. "She's so needy, isn't she? Clenching around nothing--fuckin' soaked f' me." He looked up at you expectantly. "It is for me, isn't it?"
You nodded rapidly. "All for you, Robby."
He nodded before going back to staring at your exposed cunt. "She's so pretty like this. All spread out and waiting for me to touch her."
A part of you fucking loved hearing him talk about your pussy like that--the objectification was disgustingly hot.
He trailed a long finger between your pussy lips, spreading the slick as he went. "Fuckin' dripping on my counter, baby. Just wait 'til I'm done with her, she'll be so fuckin' messy."
He didn't give you time to react as he leaned forward and licked a stripe straight up your pussy. Your head fell back as a soft moan left your lips, and you felt his grip on your thighs tighten.
"Fuckin' delicious," he muttered, before diving in properly.
The scene laid out in Robby's kitchen was straight out of a porno. If a neighbor happened to look in the window, they'd see you lying naked on the island, legs spread uncomfortably wide. They'd see your fingers threaded through Robby's hair, gripping him tightly as you watched him.
They wouldn't, however, have a proper view from your angle--they wouldn't be able to see how fucking soaked Robby's face was as he buried it deeper in your cunt. They couldn't see the way his tongue delved inside of you as his nose grazed your clit with each movement, nor could they see his dark eyes glancing up through his lashes to look at the ecstasy drawn on your beautiful face.
The sounds he was drawing from you could certainly be heard by anyone walking by, but it felt much too good for you to care. The man was masterful with his mouth alone, and he had you on the edge faster than ever before.
"Robby--please," you whined. "So close."
He smirked against you, knowing full well you were seconds from that delicious feeling of bliss you'd been craving all day. Instead of easing you over the edge, he pulled away, letting your orgasm fade for the second time that day.
"No, nonononono, please--"
"You've been nothing but a brat all day, sweetheart. Only good girls get to come, and you haven't earned it."
Your nails scratched against his scalp. "Please, I'll do anything."
"That's a start," he conceded, sliding two thick fingers inside you with ease. He brushed the pads of his fingertips against your sweet spot, earning a shuddered gasp as your hips bucked toward him. He smacked your inner thigh in response. "Stop moving."
You tried to hold your body still as his fingers continued to stroke your g-spot with increasing speed and pressure. You could feel your orgasm beginning to build again and you prayed he wouldn't stop. "Please..."
"Why should I let you come?"
You struggled to find the right answer--to say whatever words he needed to hear so you could find relief. "I promise to be good!"
He laughed darkly. "Oh honey, I just don't think I can believe you."
You whimpered as he slowed his movements, orgasm slipping away yet again. "This isn't fair!"
"Aww what's not fair, sweetheart? Pushing my buttons all day? Getting your friends--my subordinates--to help? That seems pretty unfair to me."
"I-I'm sorry, daddy. I promise I won't do it again, please--"
His fingers froze in place along with the rest of his body, bringing your attention to his face. When you saw the surprise lining it, you realized exactly what you'd let slip out.
"Oh god," you gasped, mortified. "I didn't mean to--"
"Say it again, baby," Robby growled, cutting off your apology.
"D-daddy," you whispered nervously.
"Fuck." He groaned loudly as his fingers picked up their pace and he shoved his mouth back onto your cunt.
You realized he liked the pet name far more than you'd ever imagined--and damn if it didn't do something to you. "Fuck, daddy. Feels so good."
Robby moaned into your pussy as he sucked your clit into his mouth, tongue moving against it in just the way you liked. Your hips shot off the counter, desperate for even more friction, but he laid a strong arm across your belly, forcing you back into place.
This time, when he felt your orgasm approaching, he didn't stop. He sent you over the edge with a sharp cry, but even as your hand tightened painfully in his hair, he refused to stop.
"Wait--'s too much," you gasped.
"Not finished yet," he grumbled before adding a third finger and wrapping his mouth around your clit again.
The overstimulation was short-circuiting your brain, pain mixing with pleasure as he continued his onslaught against your pussy.
The moans that filled the kitchen mixed with the most salacious sounds you'd ever heard. He sounded like he was slurping soup out of a bowl instead of lapping up the juices from your cunt.
"Fuck! Don't stop! Daddy, please!"
He groaned into you, tongue rapidly spelling his name out against your clit in a way that had you seeing stars.
The building in your gut felt different than before--sharper somehow, the pressure more intense than it had ever been before. It almost felt wrong, as if you were seconds from bursting from the inside out.
His name broke free from your lips as the orgasm hit, the sounds of liquid splashing over the counter and onto the floor accompanying it. Robby growled hungrily as he lapped up everything he could, prolonging your orgasm until you begged him to stop.
When he lifted his head, you were mortified to see liquid literally dripping from his beard. He was covered in your juices, even his hoodie showed the remnants of your orgasm.
You opened your mouth to apologize, but he cut you off. "Don't even think about it, baby. That was the hottest fucking thing I've seen in a long time."
"I-I've never..."
"Squirted before?" When you nodded, he simply smiled. "Happy to be your first, and I can promise it won't be the last time. I told you my sweet pussy was gonna make a mess for me."
You pulled yourself up, just enough to get a view of the soaked countertop. "Oh my god." You buried your head in your hands in embarrassment.
"Don't be embarrassed, baby. I'll get a fucking straw and drink every drop if it'll make you feel better."
Your blush deepened, but a small smile made its way to your face. "That's not necessary."
He grinned. "I might do it anyway just because I can." He leaned down and licked the countertop between your thighs to prove his point.
You laughed and pushed him away gently. "Weirdo."
When he stepped back, you were able to see the lower half of his body. His cock was once again hard and straining against his pants. You were more than a little surprised to see it--you could count on one hand the number of times he'd been able to go two rounds in the time you'd been together.
Robby followed your gaze, smirk never leaving his face. "See something you like, honey?"
"Not enough of it," you answered honestly, looking back up at his face. "I wanna see all of you, daddy. Please."
His nostrils flared at the pet name. "I feel like I should be embarrassed for finding it so fucking hot when you call me daddy."
You inhaled sharply as a wave of arousal hit you. Sure, you found it hot to call him daddy, but hearing the word from his lips? It had you practically begging for more. You reached for him, trying to draw him back into you. "I want you, daddy," you whined.
"C'mere, baby. Wrap those pretty legs around me."
You did as he asked, ignoring the sticky wetness beneath you. He lifted you off the counter and carried you to his bedroom where he laid you gently on the bed.
You sat up so you could watch him undress, appreciative gaze sweeping over every new inch of skin you could see.
Robby'd been a little self-conscious of his body when you'd first gotten together--he was a little softer around the middle than he used to be--but the first time you'd gotten yourself off just by riding his stomach had changed all of that.
As soon as he was naked, he climbed onto the bed, hovering over you as he gazed into your bright eyes. "You're so damn beautiful, sweetheart."
You blushed, cheeks darkening under his attentive gaze. "So are you."
He leaned down to kiss you properly, reveling in the feeling of your body beneath his. He was fairly certain he could kiss you forever. It didn't matter if he died from lack of oxygen--it would be worth it.
For weeks, he'd been on the edge of admitting his deepest feelings to you--but he always managed to find some excuse to keep the words to himself. But right now, in this moment, the struggle was almost unbearable.
His chest ached and his heart hammered against his ribcage. He was terrified of saying it, terrified of you not feeling the same way, but he couldn't stop himself--he couldn't keep it in anymore.
He pulled away from you, eliciting a soft whine as your lips chased after his. Your expression softened the moment you saw his, hand coming up to rest against his cheek. "Baby? What's wrong?"
Your concern only made his chest tighten--he suddenly felt like he would die if he didn't open his damn mouth.
"I love you," he breathed, the words unexpectedly soft, but no less meaningful.
You froze, eyes wide as his admission washed over you.
He needed you to know he meant it, that it wasn't a heat of the moment thing. He was desperate to assure you it had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with you. "I love you. I love you so much, (Y/N), and I've been keeping it in for weeks and it's killing me. I couldn't keep it in any longer. It's okay if you don't feel the same. I just need you to know, I love you."
You moved with shocking speed and force, flipping him onto his back and straddling him. You pressed your lips down onto his, kissing him deeply, infusing everything you felt into that kiss.
When you broke apart, breathless and dazed, you whispered your response, "I've waited so long to hear you say it."
Surprise lit up his face, brows raising high as his lips parted. "You have?"
You nodded. "Yeah, I have. Because I love you too."
He reached up and threaded his fingers in your hair, giving him leverage to pull you back down to him. "Say it again," he murmured against your lips.
"I love you."
He groaned and rolled his hips up against yours. "I fucking love you, baby."
He kissed you hungrily, messily, not caring about anything but the closeness of the moment.
He felt your hand slide down his body before gripping his cock tightly. You pulled back to allow yourself space to sink down onto his cock, earning a breathless moan from each of you as he stretched you out.
You immediately started to move, lifting yourself off him and dropping back down quickly, setting a fast pace--too fast for him.
"Easy baby," he begged. "Don't go so fast."
You ignored him. "Why not? Doesn't it feel good?"
"It feels fucking incredible, but I'm not gonna last."
"Well then you better hold it, because I'm not stopping until I'm ready."
"Didn't we just have a nice moment?" he groaned. "Why you gotta start with the attitude again?"
You leaned forward, pressing your breasts to his chest. "Because you like my attitude," you teased lowly.
He didn't want to admit it, but his body gave him away. He loved this bratty side of you almost as much as he loved your soft, sweet side.
He rolled his hips up to meet yours and you cried out, nearly collapsing onto him. He wrapped his arms around you, planted his feet and started pounding up into you, effectively taking control back for himself.
You held onto his shoulders as each thrust slammed into your deepest spots of pleasure, sending wave after wave through your body. Your teeth grazed his collarbone to keep from crying out, the pleasure almost dizzying in its intensity.
"I-oh god-I'm gonna--"
"Yeah?" he coaxed softly in your ear. "You gonna come? C'mon baby, come for daddy. You can do it."
Your teeth sunk into his soft skin as your orgasm hit you, pussy spasming around his cock as he worked you through it. He didn't slow down, even as your moans turned to whimpers.
Robby was desperately holding his own orgasm back--not willing to come until he got at least one more out of you. He rolled you onto your back, managing to keep his cock sheathed inside you.
He gave you no time to adjust to the new position, hips thrusting forward to meet yours in a steady rhythm. "You always feel so good, sweet girl. So good f' me."
Your pussy clenched down around him as aftershocks raced through your body. He groaned, jaw clenching as he held back, desperate not to come no matter how badly he wanted to.
He lowered himself onto you so he was almost pushing you down into the mattress. You loved the feeling of his body on yours, especially with the sensuality of the current moment.
His lips traced along your jaw while your fingers tangled in the hair at the base of his neck. You were too weak to do much besides lay beneath him, but he was more than happy to do all of the work.
"Feels so good," you murmured.
"Always, baby," he whispered as he pressed a kiss to your pulse point. "My perfect girl."
You whined softly, hips rolling just slightly in an attempt to find friction where you needed it.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" He knew damn well what you wanted, but he wanted to hear you say it.
"Need more, daddy," you whimpered.
"Yeah?" He nipped at your jaw to emphasize his next words. "Gotta tell daddy what you want or he can't help you."
You writhed under him. "Please--need you to touch my clit."
Robby smiled. "See? Was that so hard, honey?" He knew you hated condescension, but he'd made a calculated choice to use it and he was absolutely right--you moaned loudly and arched up into him as you panted softly.
He slid his hand between your bodies and began to circle your clit with just the right amount of pressure. You moaned softly, fingers clutching at his shoulders for leverage.
"Faster," you pleaded quietly. "Daddy, please."
Robby groaned as his hips picked up speed. "Fuck--I've got you, baby. I'm right there with you, but you gotta wait for me, okay?"
You whined. "I-I can't--"
"'Course you can. Wanna come with you. Just hold on."
You squeezed your eyes shut as you put all of your effort and focus onto keeping your orgasm at bay as Robby worked up to his.
Little did you know, he was simply prolonging it for both of you in order to make the pleasure more intense.
When he couldn't take it anymore, his voice came out in a low rasp, "Look at me, sweetheart."
You opened your eyes to find his beautiful brown orbs staring straight into your soul.
"Come with me, baby," he begged desperately. "Let me feel you."
You tried to keep your eyes on his as you finally succumbed to the wave of pleasure washing over you. Somewhere between the moans, the pants, and the sounds of your bodies meeting, came the sound of your name from his lips like a prayer only meant for your ears.
You held onto him as you came down, body feeling floatier than you'd ever felt before. You felt like you were sinking down into a cloud as your eyes slowly slipped closed, wrapped in the pleasure only he could bring you.
As Robby came down from his own high, he looked down at your blissful face, feeling that familiar tightening deep in his chest. He eased his softening cock from you as he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead.
You barely responded to his movements, belying the peaceful, spacey state you were in.
"You with me, honey?" he asked softly, brushing your hair out of your face. "Can you open those pretty eyes for me?"
It took you a few moments to register his voice, and a couple more to actually open your eyes and meet his gaze.
"There she is," he murmured.
"Robby..."
"Right here, baby. I've got you." He pressed several gentle kisses to your face, infusing each one with the nearly boundless love he felt for you.
After a few minutes of gentle coaxing, you finally felt like your brain was operating properly again. You ran your fingers over the lines of his face, appreciating each wrinkle for what it was--a symbol of a life well-lived.
"You're so handsome," you whispered absentmindedly.
He reached up and took your hand into his. "Hush."
"I mean it," you insisted.
The smallest of smiles lit up his face, emphasizing the lines around his eyes you adored so much. "I love you."
You matched his expression. "I love hearing you say that...and I love you too."
"I'm a lucky man."
"We're both lucky." You smiled as he rolled his eyes affectionately. "We should probably get up. We uh, we made a bit of a mess."
Robby laughed. "Especially in the kitchen. We eat there."
"I mean, to be fair, that is what you were doing."
He laughed even harder. "My all-time favorite meal, that's for damn sure."
"I'm glad I could be of service." You leaned up to kiss him. "And thank you."
"For what?"
"For trusting me enough to let go."
He kissed you deeply by way of response. "Thank you for letting me."
You smiled. "Maybe next time I won't have to enlist help getting you to give in."
He chuckled. "Don't think I won't put you in your place again if you do."
Imagine you're in the middle of a heated argument:
"Oh, y'know what? Bite my ass, Robby!"
"Fine!" *scoops you up, drops you on the bed, tugs your pants down, & literally bites your ass cheek*
OOO yes I love this!!
Don't Tempt Me
Pairing: Michael "Robby" Robinavitch x resident!reader
Warnings: cursing, use of pet names, unspecified age gap, mostly PWP, SMUT, unprotected sex (P in V), oral (F receiving), fingering.
A/N: This turned out fluffier than I imagined it would...hope you like it!
You stomped into your apartment, Robby hot on your heels, anger radiating off both of you. The ride home had been dead silent, but not the comfortable kind. No, this silence was infused with tension and rage. Neither one of you even looked at the other.
You tossed your backpack into the hall and spun around to face Robby, preparing yourself to fight. You knew him well enough to know he was pissed--and that was before you saw the look on his face.
"What the fuck were you thinking?" he snapped before you could even get a word out.
"I didn't think, I reacted," you huffed back.
"Yeah, it was pretty damn clear you weren't thinking!"
"That's not what I meant," you seethed. "That patient had Emma by the throat against a wall! What did you want me to do? Walk away like I hadn't seen anything?!"
"Of course not!" he growled. "But you shouldn't have picked a fucking fight with the guy. He was twice your size!"
You groaned in aggravation, turning away from him with an angry huff as you headed off towards your bedroom.
"This isn't over, (Y/N)!" he yelled as he followed after you. "What you did was incredibly reckless--"
"She was in trouble and I acted!" you snapped angrily, whirling around to face him again. "I yelled 'code hula hoop', but I wasn't going to just stand there and watch him suffocate her!"
"And look what happened!" He gestured to the bruise forming on your cheek, just below your left eye. "He punched you in the face."
"At least he let go of Emma! She's just a kid, Robby--"
"So are you." A bit of his rage dissipated as the words left his mouth.
"I'm not a child, Michael," you hissed. You were younger than him, sure, but that didn't mean you were a child. "I'm a fully capable adult woman who saw a friend being hurt and acted. I'm sorry if that upsets you, but I don't regret my decision."
"You could've been seriously hurt. No one else was around and he was much larger than you." He sighed, running his hand over his face, belying the stress he was feeling beneath his anger. "I'm not saying you're not capable, I'm just saying you should've waited for me or one of the other guys to come--"
"Oh, so this is because I'm a woman?" you seethed. "Jesus Christ, Robby, you've gotta be fucking kidding me."
"It's not because you're a woman!" he snapped back, anger rising once more. "It's because I'm terrified of something happening to you, okay? You're more fragile than I am--"
"Fragile? Oh y'know what? Bite my ass, Robinavitch." You turned away from him, fully intending on going to the bathroom to take a shower--maybe cool off the anger flowing through your veins--but Robby had other plans.
"Fine!" he grumbled, anger shifting into something sharper.
You gasped in shock as his arms wrapped around your waist, tugging you into him as he lifted you and tossed you onto the bed, face-down. His rough hands tugged your scrub bottoms down just enough to reveal the round globes of your ass.
To your complete and utter shock, Robby bent over and bit your ass cheek hard enough to leave a mark, but not enough to draw blood. You cried out in a mixture of surprise and pain, head snapping in his direction to stare at him.
"What the actual fuck, Robby?"
"I needed you to shut up and listen," he said with a shrug, anger draining away to reveal the rawness beneath. "Besides, I was just doing what you told me to."
"The first time you ever listen to me and it's to literally bite me in the ass," you grumbled, the edges of your mouth twitching slightly as you suppressed the smile that wanted to take over. You pulled your pants back up and rolled onto your back, sitting up to look at him properly.
His face had softened dramatically, eyes dropping to the bruise on your cheek. He leaned over you, gentle hand reaching out to very lightly trace the outline of the bruise, emotion clouding his face.
"Hey," you whispered lowly, the last of your anger slipping away. Your fingers wrapped around his wrist, stilling his hand against your cheek. "I'm okay."
His eyes fluttered closed for the briefest of seconds before opening to meet your gaze once more. "I'm sorry I yelled at you." The admission was soft, a quiet plea for your forgiveness. "I was just so fucking scared when I saw you on the ground..."
You squeezed his wrist comfortingly. "I'm sorry too. I know you were just worried and I shouldn't have snapped at you."
"In your defense, I was being a bit of an ass."
"A bit?" The teasing lilt in your voice had a small smile forming on his face instantly.
"Okay, maybe a lot." He leaned in and brushed his lips against yours. "It's my job to worry about you, but sometimes I might take it a little too far."
You brushed your fingers through his hair, a small smile settling onto your face as your eyes scanned the lines of his. "To be honest, Robby, I'm still getting used to it. I've never had someone care about me the way you do."
"Like a crazy old man who doesn't want to let his girl out of his sight?"
You chuckled softly, shaking your head at his words. "Like a crazy old man who loves his girl so much it scares her sometimes." You let your fingers slowly trail down his face. "But she's also never felt so loved."
He reached up and grabbed your hand in his, pulling it down to his lips to kiss each individual knuckle. The gesture was so deeply affectionate, so wonderfully sweet--and it hit you straight in the chest.
"I do love you, y'know," he murmured softly. "More than you'll ever know."
You smirked sweetly as you reached out to pull him closer, forcing him to climb onto the bed with you. "I think I have some idea of how much..."
"Really? Only some?" he teased darkly as he pushed you back against the mattress. "Guess I'll have to show you just to make sure you get it."
You giggled as his lips met yours in a hungry kiss, all teeth and tongue, body responding to his touch like it was made for that explicit purpose.
Robby ground down against you, hips pushing yours into the bed as his erection pressed firmly against your core. You whined beneath him, fingers scratching against his back in a desperate attempt to tug his shirt off.
He chuckled against your lips, lifting himself off you just enough to tug off his shirt. You moved with him, removing your own shirt and bra with practiced ease.
Robby's dark eyes trailed down to your exposed chest, a soft groan slipping past his lips as he drank you in. "So fuckin' beautiful," he groaned, lowering his mouth to wrap his lips around your nipple.
"Fuck," you breathed, arching your chest up into his waiting hands. As much as you adored the feeling of his hands massaging your breasts, and his mouth marking you up, you were impatient. You wanted--needed--more from him. "Michael," you whined. "More, please."
Robby responded to the sound of his name on your lips exactly the way he always did, body tensing and cock twitching with a desire so intense it was overwhelming. "Fuck, baby--what d'ya need? Hmm? Tell me."
"Need you, now. Please, Michael." Your nails scrapped down his chest reaching for the waistband of his pants.
"Gotta get you ready f'me first," he crooned, deft hands tugging down your pants and underwear, tossing them to the side without a care.
"I can take it," you whined, hips canting up towards him, eyes all wide and needy with lust.
Robby's responding chuckle told you exactly how little he believed you. "As sweet as that is, baby, we both know it's not true." He removed his own pants and underwear, exposing his massive cock as if to emphasize his words.
As always, your mouth watered at the sight of him, hands reaching out to wrap around his cock and give it a firm stroke. Robby's head tipped back, a soft groan of pleasure slipping past his parted lips.
"Please, Michael," you begged again. "Jus' wanna feel you."
Part of him wanted to give in to you, especially when you looked up at him like that. But he knew exactly how big he was--and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt you.
"I'll be quick, sweet girl," he promised as he lowered his mouth to your weeping cunt. "Just a quick taste."
True to his word, Robby dove into your pussy with a hungry growl, pointer finger slipping into you to loosen you up.
One hand went directly to his hair, while the other played with your pert nipples. Soft moans of pleasure left you, but it still wasn't enough. "Moreee," you whined, extending the syllable.
Robby chuckled darkly against your core before slipping his middle finger into you, using both fingers to scissor you open to get you ready for him.
He lifted his head to look at you, a small smirk tugging on the corners of his mouth. "That better, baby? Or you need more?"
You released a low whine, accompanied by his name. "Stop teasing me."
His smirk widened. "Aww, c'mon baby. So impatient."
"You started this," you grumbled, hips shifting in search of more friction.
"Oh? What did I do?"
You glared at the older man. "You literally bit my ass, Michael."
"You told me to!" he said with a laugh. "Plus, it's a really nice ass...how could I resist?"
You rolled your eyes with a huff, which quickly turned into a whimper when he removed his fingers from you.
"Shh, it's okay baby. Gonna give you what you want."
You perked up, eyes widening hopefully.
Robby merely chuckled and gave your hip a gentle swat. "Roll over f'me."
You quickly did as he asked, hips lifting off the bed to give him proper access.
Robby grabbed a pillow and slid it under your hips before pushing you down onto it. He covered his body with yours, and murmured softly against your ear. "Just relax, baby. Gonna take care of you."
Your body shivered in anticipation, desperate to finally feel his cock inside you. You wiggled your hips, trying to entice him to hurry the hell up.
Robby ignored your neediness, instead taking a moment to run his fingers along the bite mark he'd made earlier. Seeing it now, after the heat of the moment, he felt bad for hurting you.
You turned your head to get a look at his face, eyes softening when you took in his expression. You reached behind you and grabbed his wrist, bringing his attention to your face. "I liked it," you confirmed. "A lot."
The concern in his eyes eased. "I didn't mean to bite so hard."
"Not gonna lie, it was hot as hell." You grinned. "I'll have to remember to throw that line into more arguments."
He chuckled. "Don't tempt me."
"It's my favorite pastime," you teased, a wicked smile on your face.
He rolled his eyes affectionately and leaned down to place a kiss on the mark before crawling back over you and kissing your temple. You felt his cock brush against your folds, a soft gasp slipping out.
Robby lined himself up with your entrance, pushing in slowly to prolong the stretch. The angle not only made your pussy feel tighter, but it meant you felt every vein and ridge of his cock against your overly sensitive walls.
You both moaned gratefully as he bottomed out, filling you in a way only he could.
He stilled for a moment too long--seemingly prolonging your agony on purpose.
"Michael," you whined loudly. "Move."
He chuckled softly into your hair, but did as you asked. His hips began a slow rhythm, allowing you to feel every minute shift of his body.
The pleasure was immensely overwhelming--even more so than it usually was. It felt so perfect--so right.
Your body shivered in pleasure with each slow drag of his cock along your walls. The softest gasps slipped from your lips each time he fully bottomed out again, filling you in a way only he could.
"You feel incredible, sweetheart," he murmured lowly, voice already wrecked. "Always so good f'me."
"Feels s'good, Mikey."
He pressed his lips into your shoulder as his left hand gently caressed your side, feeling your soft skin beneath the roughness of his palm. He laid his right hand on top of yours, interlocking his fingers to hold on tightly.
Each perfectly timed thrust pushed you closer to release. His cock pressed firmly into your deepest spots of pleasure, eliciting a broken moan with each thrust.
Robby had to take a deep breath as your walls pulsed around him, squeezing him so tightly it was almost painful. He pushed his own need to come down deep, focusing on your impending orgasm instead.
"Can feel you squeezing me so tight, baby. Need you to come f'me. Can you do that?" His voice was a low rasp against your ear, the warmth of his breath making you shiver.
"Close, Mikey," you whined softly.
"What'dya need, honey?" His lips brushed softly against the shell of your ear. "Just say the word and I'll give it to you."
His words hit somewhere deep in your chest, sparking that overwhelming feeling of love you've come to associate with him. You slung your arm around his neck, holding him against you and whispered, "Just don't stop. Please don't stop."
"Never." The word was so quiet you wouldn't have heard him if he hadn't been so close to you. His lips pressed down into your shoulder again, allowing you to hold him tightly as his hips continued to roll into yours.
The pace was perfect, the angle almost unbearable, but it was the way he held you like you were the most precious thing in the world that had you coming apart for him.
The orgasm started slow--no sound slipped past your lips as you began to shake beneath him. His hips didn't falter, prolonging your orgasm almost to the point of pain. A frantic gasp of his name was all you could manage as the aftershocks raced through your body.
The pulsing of your cunt around him had Robby coming along with you, spilling deep inside you with a low grunt of your name. His teeth grazed your shoulder to keep from crying out as he filled you, hips slowing to a stop as you both shook in the aftermath.
Robby murmured sweet nothings against your skin as you both caught your breath. He seemed to sink even deeper into you as he held you close, body conforming to yours as if you were two puzzle pieces connecting for the first time.
"So beautiful, sweetheart," he murmured softly. "Perfect. Made for me, hmm?"
"Mhmm," you hummed in response.
He chuckled softly, lips grazing your temple. "'M not hurting you, am I?"
"Like it," you muttered. "Like a weighted blanket."
He sighed and wrapped his arms around you more tightly. After a few more minutes, he rolled off you and onto his side, pulling you along with him so you were curled up against his chest.
"I should probably get up and pee," you suggested lightly, though you made no move to extricate yourself from his arms.
"Not yet," he whispered, tugging you impossibly closer. "Just wanna hold you a little longer."
You let out a breathy chuckle. "Just don't let me fall asleep."
"Wouldn't dream of it." His voice was low and you could hear the edge of exhaustion in it. "I love you, sweetheart...and I'm sorry about earlier."
You turned your head to look back at his face. "All's forgiven, Robby. I love you too."
He smiled as he leaned forward to brush his nose against your cheek, eyes closing as he embraced the quiet, intimate moment with you.
You kissed the tip of his nose, corners of your mouth curved up in the smallest of smiles. You weren't quite ready to leave his warm embrace, so there you stayed. Perhaps for too long, but you'd deal with that another time. You'd much rather stay wrapped in his arms for as long as he'd let you.
You didn't know it yet, but he was silently hoping you'd stay forever--that you'd let him hold you until the very end.
Pairing: Michael “Robby” Robinavitch x nurse!reader
Summary: Robby loves you, maybe more than he should, and when he sees a patient flirting with you, he takes it upon himself to remind you exactly who you belong to.
Warnings: cursing, unspecified age gap, SMUT, daddy kink, praise kink, oral (M & F receiving), unprotected sex (P in V), dom!robby, mentions of subspace
“You’re staring again,” Dana muttered under her breath, a teasing tone to the words.
“I am not,” Robby huffed immediately.
“Mhmm. Sure.” The smirk on the older woman’s face made it very clear she didn’t believe him. Not one bit.
“I was looking in her general direction,” he insisted. “Not staring.”
“If you say so.”
He wanted to continue defending himself, but the woman in question suddenly appeared at the desk.
“Hey, (Y/N),” Robby greeted. “Shift going okay?”
You smiled warmly at the older man. “No complaints yet.”
Dana’s raised brows indicated exactly what she was thinking, but Robby ignored her. “Good. That’s good.”
Perlah called your name from down the hall, pulling your attention away from him. “Coming!” you called back.
You gave a friendly wave to Robby before heading in Perlah’s direction.
“Don’t even start,” Robby grumbled, holding his hand up in Dana’s direction.
“I didn’t say a word.” But that smirk of hers was still glued to her face.
“Shut up,” he muttered as he walked away from her before she could mock him further.
In truth, Robby was staring at you--he was always looking in your direction, subconsciously seeking you out. He just didn't need to confirm that to Dana. She already suspected something was going on between you and Robby, and he didn't want to perpetuate any rumors.
Technically there was nothing wrong with the relationship. As a nurse, you reported to Dana, not to him, so there wasn't an issue on that front. However, as the chief of the ED, everyone in the department fell under his purview, but he tried not to dwell too much on that factor. He'd much rather enjoy his relationship with you without letting semantics get in the way.
You'd been together eight months and you'd managed to successfully keep it from every single person on staff except for Mel--she'd walked in on Robby kissing you in an empty room early in the relationship. She'd of course been sworn to secrecy, and lucky for you, she'd been true to her word.
After that, you made Robby promise to keep the PDA to an absolute minimum at work. He found the restraint to be shockingly difficult. Every time he walked by you, he was dying to touch you, and most times he did it anyway. He just tried to be as subtle as absolutely possible.
Instead of hugging you or kissing the top of your head or some other overt display of affection, he'd brush a hand down your arm, press his palm into your lower back, or slip past you a little closer than he needed to.
You, on the other hand, were much better behaved--when you wanted to be. Most days you were Robby's good girl, but every so often your inner brat could not be tamed, even in the workplace. Those were the days Robby dreaded and fucking loved in equal measure.
Those were the ones that took every ounce of self-control he had to not drag you into a supply closet and fuck you until you screamed. But when he finally got you home? All bets were off--you were in for a real treat. Odds were, you'd be walking funny at work the next day...if you made it in at all.
As fun as those days were, today was not one of them. At least it didn't start out that way.
A younger guy, probably in his late 20s, came into the ER on a follow up visit. He'd been in a few days prior for a large gash on his forearm, but it was now infected.
He was a handsome guy by most standards, but you weren't paying much attention to him--you already had someone that checked every single box for you. You weren't looking for anything more.
As you were checking his vitals, he was chattering away. You listened and responded politely as you always did, but you didn't do anything to give him the impression you were interested.
Javadi came into the room, a mildly amused Robby in tow. You gave him a surprised look, as this wasn't typically the type of case that would require an attending, but he just shrugged.
"Hi Mr. Callahan, I'm Student Doctor Javadi and this is Dr. Robinavitch, my attending."
"Hi."
"Can you tell me a little more about what brings you in today?" she asked.
"Pretty sure this thing's infected," he said, lifting his injured arm as proof.
Javadi winced slightly at the sight. "Let me take a closer look."
While Javadi was inspecting the cut, the patient continued his prior conversation with you.
"How long is your shift?"
"12 hours," you responded without looking up from your task.
"So, uh, what time do you get off?"
You missed the way Robby's entire body tensed--just as you missed the blatant flirtation. "Typically at 7."
"Cool. Cool." He looked you up and down in obvious attraction, which you once again missed. Robby, however, saw every movement--jaw clenching despite himself.
"You have plans after?"
You looked up, brows furrowed. "After?"
The patient chuckled. "After work."
You tilted your head slightly, as if to think on it. "Probably just dinner and a hot bath--this rainy weather is perfect for that."
"Mmm," he hummed. "Maybe I could convince you to take a raincheck on the hot bath?"
Javadi had been making herself busy by examining each individual stitch in the guy's arm, as if she could hide from the awkwardness of the situation. Robby's hands were balled into fists as he fought to control his rising jealousy. And you? You were finally catching on.
"Oh, uh--" you started.
"I know a really good Italian place not far from here," the patient suggested in what was probably a very enticing voice--to someone single, anyway.
Your mouth barely formed the word 'no' when Robby's control finally snapped. He cut you off with a gruff, "She's got a boyfriend."
Your mouth snapped shut and you shot him a surprised look. You felt Javadi's wide eyes darting between you and Robby, but Robby's gaze was locked on the patient's face, as if he was imagining punching him in the mouth.
"Ah, well. Couldn't help but try," the younger man said with a sigh. "You're way too pretty to pass up."
Robby gritted his teeth loudly enough that you could hear it, crossing his arms over his puffed out chest in a clear display of dominance. The patient's eyes snapped back to Robby's face and after a few moments, a look of recognition passed over his face.
"Protective, huh?" he asked Robby. "You her dad or something?"
You nearly choked on your own saliva before desperately trying to suppress the giggle that threatened to break through. Even Javadi covered her mouth to hide the grin she couldn't keep from her face.
Robby's cheeks were the prettiest shade of pink you'd ever seen and it only made you want to laugh harder.
"Not related," he gritted out. "But yes, I'm very protective of her."
You wanted to smack him for being so obvious in front of Javadi, but it was very clear his jealousy was getting the better of him. He also didn't appreciate being compared to your dad--even if he was old enough to be.
The patient's brows dipped as he processed Robby's words. You saw the realization slowly dawn on him as he looked back and forth between the two of you.
"Oh damn, dude. Good for you, man." He nodded his head in clear appreciation and respect.
You nearly groaned, especially when Robby's dominant smirk settled onto his features. He was clearly loving this now that he'd essentially marked his territory.
Javadi's eyes were so wide you thought they were going to pop right out of her skull, and her jaw was practically on the floor. You sent her a look when she started to speak, effectively shutting down whatever question she was seconds from asking.
"I'm gonna need you to pretend this conversation never happened, Victoria," you hissed lowly.
"Don't worry," Robby said reassuringly. "She won't say a word."
The warning in his tone could be heard from a mile away, even if you couldn't see the look in his eyes.
"Good," Robby snapped. "Now what's your course of action?"
He reverted back to teaching mode easily, even if everyone else in the room was still reeling from the last five minutes.
Javadi stammered out an answer and, once the treatment plan was approved, got to work. You stepped out of the room quietly, knowing full-well Robby would be right behind you.
"Well that was subtle, Robinavitch," you muttered lowly.
You could feel his large body behind you, hear the heaviness in his breathing.
"You weren't catching on quickly enough," he said roughly. "Couldn't let him think he stood a chance with you."
You smirked as you turned slowly to face him. "So you were jealous?"
His stiff jaw told you everything you needed to know. You took a small step towards him, eyelids fluttering seductively.
"You were jealous, weren't you, baby?"
His eyes shut for a moment. "Careful, sweetheart."
"Was it because he was so much younger? Hmm?" you teased. "I know that little dad comment got to you."
"Thin ice, (Y/N)." You could hear the control waning in his voice.
"Aww, it's okay old man. I happen to like 'em older." You leaned in much closer than you normally would at work. "Even if you're too tired to go multiple rounds."
A low growl escaped his throat and the vein in his neck throbbed enticingly. You wanted to lick it so badly, but you reminded yourself where you were.
"You don't want to keep pushing my buttons, sweetheart, or you won't like what happens."
Your smirk only widened. "Oh, I think I'll take my chances, gramps."
His nostrils flared as his hand shot out to grip your arm tighter than he should. "You'll pay for that one."
The promise in his voice had shivers racing up your spine. "It's only 2:30--we'll see if you even have the energy when the shift ends."
His jaw slackened slightly, brows raising in surprise. Usually his warnings were heeded, but not today--you were feeling risky, and perhaps a tad bratty.
He watched you saunter off, only turning away to discreetly adjust himself. He wasn't used to you talking back, but he'd be a liar if he said he didn't enjoy it. He was definitely looking forward to getting you home...
**********
The rest of the shift seemed to crawl by for Robby--and the teasing remarks from you only made it worse. He was fairly certain you were getting a kick out of torturing him, whether with your words or the flirtatious touches you snuck in as often as possible.
He nearly moaned aloud when you brushed past him, ass grazing against his crotch with a little more pressure than necessary. You heard his sharp intake of breath--he knew it by the look of success in your eyes.
"Better be careful, pretty girl," he muttered lowly. "Wouldn't want someone noticing your advances."
"What makes you think I don't want people to notice?" you teased in return, sharp smirk on your face.
"The dozens of conversations we've had about it, sweetheart." His gaze softened slightly. "Although, I wouldn't mind making sure every person in this hospital knows you're mine."
The sharp intake of breath told him his words hit their mark. Robby could see the heat in your eyes, which only further underscored your appreciation for his possessiveness.
"You like that, don't you? Hmm?" He leaned towards you, that aggravating dominance oozing from him with each syllable.
You nodded, biting your lip absentmindedly.
"Say it." The words came out sharp. Demanding.
You couldn't have resisted speaking even if you'd tried, but the words still came out in a hurried whimper. "I like being yours."
The curve of his smile arched dangerously as he puffed out his chest just slightly. You felt small under his hard gaze, but god you were turned on. You shifted just slightly, trying to subtly get some sort of relief between your thighs, but the action didn't go unnoticed by Robby.
"Needy little thing, aren't you?" His voice carried that hungry tone he reserved just for you. "We've still got two hours left, baby. You gonna make it?"
The question was sweet, but the tone was condescending--a combination that always had you reeling. Robby would never speak to you that way outside of a sexual context. He respected you far too much for that.
But when you were behaving like this? Pushing his buttons and goading him? He loved to put you in your place almost as much as you did.
"I can handle it," you insisted, despite the slight shake in your voice. "What about you, old man? Think you can make it another two hours?"
The flash of anger flickered through his eyes so quickly, if you'd blinked you would have missed it. It was replaced by a cold look you knew very well--it was the same one he fixed on residents that pissed him off.
"Say one more thing about me being old, honey."
You debated how far you wanted to push him. You knew he was close to snapping, but you decided to press your luck. It usually worked out in your favor anyway.
You looked down at his crotch rather pointedly, a silent acknowledgment of his erection, before looking back up into his face. "Better take it easy, Robby. Gotta keep that blood pressure down before you have a heart attack."
The muscle in his jaw ticked as his hands clenched and unclenched into fists. You could tell he was holding himself back, but it was a losing battle. If you were at home, that kind of back-talking would get you an instant punishment.
Robby leaned his body forward, effectively making you feel even smaller--and utterly dominated. "When we get home, I want you naked on the bed, ass up and ready for me. I don't want to hear a single word from your pretty little mouth unless it's a number. Got it?"
He knew he had you when your eyes widened, a mixture of excitement and fear in your gaze. You knew he would never hurt you (unless you wanted him to), but the thrill of a little fear always ran through you when he was like this.
"I asked you a question, (Y/N)."
"I understand," you whispered.
He raised a single brow, and you knew exactly what he wanted. You glanced around, making sure the two of you were still alone.
Upon confirming your solitude, you gave him the response he was seeking. "I understand, daddy."
He tilted your chin up to meet his gaze. "Good girl."
You wanted him to kiss you so desperately, but he wasn't about to give in--certainly not in the middle of a busy ER. Instead, he dropped his hand from your face and stepped back, pulling the tension between you tighter than before.
"An hour and 50 minutes," he said calmly. "Behave."
You nearly melted into a puddle on the floor as you watched him walk away, shoulders squared and domineering even from behind.
"I am so fucked," you muttered to yourself. It was true, but you really couldn't bring yourself to be upset about it.
**********
You were fairly certain you’d never done hand-offs faster in your entire life. You practically ran through them, dragging Mateo along behind you to each of your patients.
You knew Robby was doing the same with Jack, but he was taking his sweet time. He knew how much this was getting to you and he wanted to prolong your torture. Plus, it was in his benefit for you to make it home before him.
“You good, (Y/N)?” Mateo asked gently.
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
He shrugged. “You’re moving like we’re in a marathon you’re scared of losing.”
“Oh I’m just tired,” you lied smoothly. “So ready to get home and crash.”
He seemed to accept your excuse, gesturing for you to go. “Alright, go home. I’ve got this.”
You were quick to thank him before racing off in the direction of the lockers. As you grabbed your things from your locker, you heard a throat clear behind you. You knew who it was before you even turned around.
“Remember what I said,” Robby intoned, voice low and gravelly.
Your bright eyes glanced around, checking for eavesdroppers. Seeing none, you replied in an equally low voice, “Yes, daddy.”
His eyes flickered closed and he swallowed thickly, clearly desperate to control his pent-up desire. When his eyes opened again, you were surprised by the lack of brown in them. His pupils had nearly swallowed every bit of his irises, belying his hunger for you.
“Get home. Do not speed.” Even in his current state, your safety was always his priority. His eyes narrowed slightly. “I expect you to be in position when I get there—and don't you dare touch yourself.”
You nodded, eyes almost comically wide as you took in his dark expression.
“Go on.” He nodded towards the exit and you scurried off before he could say another word.
Robby took deep, calming breaths before turning around and walking back into the ER. Jack’s eyes found him almost instantly and from the look on his friend’s face, he knew the younger man had questions.
“Don’t start,” he muttered as Jack tried to corner him outside the break room.
“What? I didn’t even say anything!” Jack protested.
“You didn’t have to. Your face says it all.”
Jack stared at him pointedly. “The irony of you saying that isn’t lost on me.”
“What’re you talking about?”
“You think your face doesn’t give you away, brother?”
“What’s wrong with my face?”
Jack sighed, exasperated. “What’s going on with you and (Y/N)?”
“Nothing.” He realized he’d answered far too quickly the moment he saw a smirk appear on Jack’s face. “We’re just-we’re just friends.”
“Uh-huh. Friends that eye fuck each other at work?”
Robby’s eyes widened and he shifted his gaze away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh please. Don’t play dumb with me.” Jack rolled his eyes. “We’ve been friends way too long for that. Look man, I’m not judging you. I want you to be happy—and if that sweet woman makes you happy, then I’m all for it.”
Robby sighed softly, wanting so badly to tell his friend the truth. He wanted to tell everyone the truth—that he was wildly, madly, deeply in love with you. But he’d made you a promise. A promise not to tell a soul, even Jack…and that wasn’t a promise he was willing to break.
“While I appreciate the sentiment, we’re just friends.” He hated lying to Jack. Each word left a bitter taste in his mouth.
Jack sighed. “Alright, you don’t wanna tell me. That’s fine. You can tell me when you’re ready.”
Robby couldn’t quite meet his friend’s gaze. “I, uh, I kinda need to get going. You good for the night?”
Jack smiled. “Oh you know it, baby. The night crawlers got this.” He shot Robby two thumbs up and a wink as he backed away, towards the chaos the night shift was sure to bring.
Robby ran a had down his face and released a deep sigh. He tried to push the last few minutes from his mind and focus back on you—and what his plans for you were going to be. A small smile settled on his face as he grabbed his bag and headed out to his bike. Tonight was sure to be a memorable one.
**********
You drove exactly the speed limit the entire way home, even though the desire to drive like a bat out of hell was insanely strong. Despite there being no way for Robby to know, you were certain he would know if you disobeyed him.
When you got to your apartment, you took the stairs two at a time to reach your floor as fast as possible. You moved through your space embarrassingly fast, shedding clothing as you headed to your bedroom.
Part of you wanted to take a shower—wash the remnants of the ER from your body—but that hadn’t been one of Robby’s instructions. You knew better than to deviate when he was in this kind of mood.
Instead, you climbed onto your bed, lying on your stomach as you waited for the sound of his keys in the front door.
Your mind wandered as you waited, anticipation practically eating you alive. You loved pushing Robby to the brink—loved seeing him lose all control. For a man who was always so strong and confident, watching him fall apart just for you was a thrill unlike anything you’d ever experienced.
He could be the softest, sweetest lover in the world one day, and the next he was the intensely dominant man you saw at work. His love was clear in everything he did, even when he was degrading you--he only did it because you wanted him to.
The sound of the front door opening tore you from your thoughts and you immediately pulled your body up onto all fours, keeping your head lowered and ass up.
Robby moved slowly through the house, taking off his shoes and setting his bag down by the door. He shrugged off his hoodie as he walked towards your open bedroom door.
A soft sound of satisfaction left his lips as his eyes landed on you, in the exact position he’d requested. “I like when you’re an obedient little girl for me,” he murmured as he stepped into the room fully.
You didn’t respond—his instructions had been very clear. No words unless they were numbers.
The smirk was audible in his voice when he spoke again. “You really listened to daddy, didn’t you honey? So good for me.”
He ran a hand very slowly over the curve of your spine, eyes locked on your glistening folds, exposed to the cool air of the room. A thousand desires flitted through his mind, but he pushed each one aside. You had a punishment coming your way—and that was his focus for now.
His hand brushed against the curve of your ass, unbearably soft. He leaned forward, voice low and full of need, “Count.”
You barely had time to register his voice before his large hand was coming down onto the meat of your ass. You gasped as the pain radiated through you, the word “One,” slipping past your lips along with it.
“Good girl.” His hand came down a second time, in the same spot as before.
“Two!”
You were a whimpering mess by the time you reached ten, tears had begun streaming down your face, and your right ass cheek was red and burning.
He shifted to rub soft, soothing circles over the redness, easing your discomfort with his sweetness. He brushed your hair back away from your face so he could see you properly, and you turned to look at him.
“So pretty like this,” he murmured, thumb sliding beneath your eyes to wipe away your tears. “You doing okay, baby?”
You nodded, still afraid to speak for fear of further punishment for disobedience.
The smallest smile curled the corners of his mouth. “Still so obedient. Have you learned your lesson then, sweetheart?”
The urge to say something sassy in response rose within you, but you pushed it down immediately—but not fast enough for Robby. He saw the consideration in your eyes before you could hide it.
“You must need daddy to teach you another lesson.”
You whined and tried to wriggle away from his grasp on your chin, but he only smirked and held on tighter.
“I don’t think so, baby. You haven’t learned quite yet. I can see it on that pretty face of yours.”
“I’ll be good, I swear,” you breathed out, voice a hurried whisper. Your eyes went wide the second you realized what you’d done.
His expression slipped to stern disapproval, head shaking as he took in the shame in your eyes. “See? You can’t even listen to the simplest of instructions. No words that aren’t numbers. And to think, you called me old, but it looks like your memory is the faulty one.”
You bit your lip to keep from saying anything in response. You closed your eyes and lowered your head back down to the bed, preparing for whatever he was planning to do.
“You know the rules, sweetheart. Count.”
His hand came down on your left ass cheek, the loud slapping sound reverberated through the room, accompanied by your gasping whine. “Eleven,” you whispered.
“No, sweetheart. We’re starting over. Try again.”
His hand came down in the same spot as before, jolting your body forward despite your best efforts. “One!”
“Much better, honey.”
His large hand slapped against your red, sensitive skin repeatedly, but he began to rub gentle circles over the abused skin in between his smacks. He could tell you needed his soothing touch to keep from sliding into subspace too soon.
Once you whimpered the number “ten” in a broken voice, he eased onto the bed beside you and pulled you into his lap. He brushed your hair back and lifted your chin so you were looking at him.
“You with me, baby? I’ve got you. Did so well for me.”
You nodded dumbly, tears still flowing from your red-rimmed eyes.
He brushed the tears away from your cheeks, following with his lips, soothing your heart in the same way he’d soothed your skin.
“Such a perfect girl for daddy, hmm? Always so good.”
You practically preened under his praise, nuzzling against his palms as he held your face.
“Yeah? You done being a brat now?” His voice had that soft teasing quality you’d grown to love.
You stared at him, eyes filled with a need only he could satisfy. You didn’t speak yet—not without his permission.
He smiled warmly, eyes dark as he looked at your soft expression. “Good girl, sweetheart. You can speak now.”
Your body rolled involuntarily at his praises, pressing firmly against his still-clothed body. A sharp whine left your lips when his erection pressed against your weeping pussy.
“Daddyyyy,” you whined.
“Hmm?” He hummed, brushing his nose against your cheek. “What do you need?”
You nodded rapidly, eyes wide and pleading. “I’ve been so good.”
“Yes you have…since we got home,” he conceded. “But earlier? At work? You were anything but good.”
“I-I just wanted to tease you,” you tried to explain. “M-make you l-lose control.”
He raised his eyebrows higher than you thought possible. “Oh? You wanted me to lose control?”
“Yes,” you whispered.
“Why’s that, baby?”
Your cheeks burned and you looked away, but his strong hand gripped your jaw, bringing your gaze back to his.
“Tell me why.”
The order triggered your brain into action. “I like it when you’ve got something to prove. You always make me feel so good when you give in.”
He stared at you in silence for a long moment, so long you began to worry you’d said the wrong thing. “So you push my buttons to get what you want? Hmm? Is that it?”
You nodded.
He smacked your hip. “Words, baby.”
“Yes,” you responded instantly.
“Mhmm. And what? I don’t make you feel good when I’m gentle? You only like it when I’m mean?”
“No-no, Robby, that’s not it at all.” You were quick to correct him. The last thing you wanted was to hurt his feelings—and it was true, you loved him when he was soft, when he just wanted to make love. “It’s just sometimes, I want you to be…rougher? Meaner?”
His brows softened and his eyes filled with the kind of warmth that made it hard to breathe. “So today was just one of those days?”
You blushed, a small smile forming on your lips. “Well…it didn’t start out that way, but seeing you so protective of me? So jealous? It did something to me.”
“Did it now?” He pulled you flush against his chest with a low groan of need. “What’d it do to you, my love?”
You bit your lip, eyes filled with barely suppressed hunger. “It made me wanna push you…see how far I could go until you broke…”
“I see. Pretty sure I didn’t break, sweetheart.”
You smirked a little. “Who said I was done, old man?”
His brows lifted again, eyes darkening dangerously. “Don’t push it, baby. I just got done punishing you.”
You lifted yourself up so you could hover your lips just above his, putting you in control. “And what if I don’t think you’ve punished me enough? What if I want more? You got enough energy to do that for me?”
“You’re dangerously close to crossing a line,” he growled lowly.
“I’m not scared,” you paused, lips ghosting over his. “Daddy.”
He groaned and tugged you in against him, lips slamming into yours with a hungry passion you reciprocated instantly.
Robby had you flipped onto your back a second later, thigh wedging between yours and pressing firmly against your core as he broke the kiss just enough to rip his shirt off over his head.
Your hands were on him in an instant, reveling in the feel of his hot skin against yours.
“You’re brave for such a little thing,” he growled. “Do you have any idea what I could do to you?”
You leaned up, pressing your chest to his. “That’s kind of the point, baby,” you teased against his lips.
He lowered his forehead to yours and released a resigned sigh. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”
“I certainly hope not,” you giggled. “I’d like you to live a very long time…old man.”
His teeth nipped at your bottom lip and he pressed you down into the bed. “Call me old man one more time, sweetheart.”
You heard the warning in his voice, but you ignored it. “Did I hit a nerve?” Your voice was teasing, but your eyes belied your desire. “Old man?”
“Fucking hell,” he growled, teeth digging into the flesh over your collarbone. He pulled away from you and gestured to the floor beside the bed. "On your knees."
You moved quickly, doing as he asked with wide-eyed anticipation. A little thrill ran through you at the prospect of what he was about to do.
"Take off my pants."
You reached up to unbutton them, pulling them down hastily, revealing the outline of his painfully hard cock beneath his underwear. You licked your lips in anticipation, looking up at him for further instructions.
"Keep going." His voice was firm. Dominant. There was no room for discussion.
You dropped your gaze and slowly removed his underwear. His cock was leaking precum and you hadn't even touched it yet, but god you wanted to.
Robby couldn't recall the last time his cock was this hard--his entire body ached for you. He gripped his cock firmly in one hand, stroking it slowly as he watched your hungry gaze follow each movement.
He slid a single finger beneath your chin, tilting your face up so he could see you properly. "Open your mouth."
You immediately did as he asked, tongue slipping out before he even needed to tell you. The movement made him smile, if only for a split second.
He rested his cock on your extended tongue. "Suck."
You wrapped your lips around him and took his cock in as deep as you could without gagging.
He groaned softly, fingers wrapping in your hair and pulling it into a makeshift ponytail. He needed to be able to see you while you sucked his cock.
"Relax that pretty throat for me," he murmured, pushing in further.
You gagged loudly, but forced yourself to breathe through your nose. You knew you could take him, despite his size. You just had to remember to breathe.
"Easy, now." He caressed the side of your face sweetly, but the darkness in his eyes told you this was going to be anything but sweet. "Eyes on me, pretty girl."
You locked your gaze on his face, even as the tears filled them from the intrusion into your throat. His hips snapped forward, cock bruising the back of your throat with each thrust.
He gripped your head with both his hands, holding you in place so he could fuck your face properly. Every gag and moan had him groaning in pleasure, rhythm never slowing.
"That's it. Fuckin' taking me so well."
Your hands gripped his thighs for more stability as he thrust into your mouth. Drool leaked down your chin and onto your breasts, the sight making him weak in the knees.
He wiped at the tears streaming from your eyes, smearing your mascara. "Christ, look at you. So fucking gorgeous on your knees for me."
You squeezed his thighs in response, eyes still locked on his face. He threw his head back and groaned as his pace started to become erratic.
"Gettin' close. You gonna swallow for me? Huh? Gonna take all of daddy's cum down your throat?"
You nodded as best you could, moaning around him in affirmation. You couldn't verbalize how badly you wanted it, so you did everything you could to show it.
"So fuckin' good for me."
His ragged breaths rang in your ears as you focused on being good for him. You flexed the back of your tongue and constricted your throat as best you could around his cock.
He gasped out a broken, "Fuck, baby!" before spilling his load into your waiting mouth.
You swallowed around him, throat gripping him even tighter. It wasn't until the sensitivity started to get to him that he slowly eased himself from your mouth. You tried to lick his tip just to clean him up, but he yanked you back by the hair.
"Too sensitive, sweetheart."
Your little pout was nearly enough to make him change his mind, but he had other ideas.
"Get on the bed."
You pulled yourself up on slightly shaky legs and climbed onto the bed. Robby climbed on top of you, trying to wedge himself between your legs.
His hands were soft, almost affectionate as he eased you into a comfortable position. His patience, however, was beginning to wane, especially when he saw your dripping pussy on display for him.
“Spread your legs wider. Now.”
You did as he asked, allowing him to settle properly between them. His hands were no longer soft as he moved down your body, squeezing every inch of supple flesh he could find.
His mouth left a trail of bite marks and saliva, setting your skin ablaze with each touch. He grabbed a breast in each of his large hands, squeezing them together and kneading the soft tissue. His hungry mouth closed around your nipple, teasing it between his teeth and tongue, earning sharp cries from your parted lips.
Your hands found purchase in his hair and against his shoulder, nails scrapping at the skin as you whined beneath him. “Robbyyyy.”
He lifted his head, hooded eyes darker than you’d ever seen them. “That is not my name.” His voice was soft, but his tone was rough, almost angry.
He bit your other nipple harshly, pulling a sharp cry from your throat. His tongue soothed the pain, shifting it into pure pleasure.
“I-I’m s-sorry, daddy,” you whimpered, trying to correct your earlier mistake.
“You should be,” he growled as he moved lower, heading towards where you really needed him. “And you’re gonna pay for it, sweetheart. Don’t you worry.”
He didn’t even give you time to collect yourself—to even think about what he’d said. Instead, his mouth lowered to your soaked pussy, devouring it with an insatiable hunger.
He wasted no time prepping you for his fingers, choosing instead to slide two inside of you and press them firmly against your g-spot. A desperate moan worked its way past your lips as you arched into him.
You heard his grumble of disapproval, followed by heavy hands pressing into your thighs, holding them in place. "Don't you dare move."
His mouth found your clit, sucking it firmly in his warm mouth, tongue dancing across it in just the right way to send your body into overdrive. One hand clutched the bedding beneath you, while your other hand twisted into his hair, holding on for dear life.
He added a third finger to your aching hole, stretching you even further. He knew you'd need it before you would be able to take him.
You struggled to keep your hips still, mind already reaching that floaty space that brought you peace and pleasure.
Robby could tell you were losing focus, body beginning to disobey his commands. "Hey," he snapped, hand slapping against your clit, jolting your attention back to him. "Need your focus on me, sweetheart."
You nodded, eyes locking onto his as he lowered his head back to your pussy. He kept his gaze on you, even as you started to unravel beneath him. He felt your orgasm approaching and applied more pressure and speed to your g-spot.
You couldn't help the way your back arched off the bed as you came, nor could you stop the keening moan of his name from leaving your lips.
Robby's mouth remained locked on your pussy, fingers still pressing firmly in that delicious come-hither motion that made you delirious. Even when you whined, begging him to give you a moment's break, he refused to stop.
Before long, your whines turned to moans of pleasure. "Please, don't stop," you begged.
He lifted his head just long enough to whisper, "I wouldn't dare."
As a man true to his word, he didn't stop. Not even as your second orgasm crested and tears began to slide down your cheeks. The pleasure was too much, your brain becoming muddled.
"I-I can't," you cried. "Please, I can't--"
He moaned into you and your body jolted off the bed, legs shaking from the overstimulation, but still, he didn't let up. Robby had no intention of stopping unless he heard the magic word...but you had yet to utter the established safe word.
Your breaths came in ragged, broken sobs, as the pleasure-edged pain began to sharpen. Your body writhed beneath him, now completely unable to control yourself.
Robby could sense it, choosing not to punish you for the feelings overwhelming your senses. But he still refused to cease his ministrations. This delicious form of torture was, in its own way, a punishment.
The sounds slipping past your lips were barely human, falling as some sort of mixture of cries and animalistic pleasure. An actual, honest-to-god, scream tore from your throat when your third orgasm washed over you, shattering your body into a thousand pliable pieces.
Robby finally relented, lifting his head and slowing the movement of his fingers as you sobbed beneath him. He leaned over you, fingers still inside you, breath ghosting across your flushed skin.
"You still with me, sweetheart?" Condescension dripped from his voice as he stared down at you, but a hint of real concern floated just beneath the surface.
You were still unable to respond verbally, body too overwhelmed with sensation. Your much smaller hands tried to push his away from your aching hole, but he simply gripped both your wrists in one hand and pinned them high above your head.
"Uh-uh. Don't you be forgetting who's in charge here."
"'s too m-much," you whined breathlessly.
He chuckled darkly. "Now isn't that interesting? As I recall it, you were worried about my energy levels--something about being old, I think you said. Yet here you are, my sweet girl, young and full of life, but you can't handle what I give you?"
You didn't know how to respond--the only sound that left your lips was a whimper.
"Too fucked out to answer?" His voice was laced with fake concern. "My poor baby."
He pressed his fingers firmly into your g-spot and your entire body shook. Your fingers gripped his biceps so tightly, you were sure to leave bruises, but he'd wear them with pride.
Robby had taken enough time overwhelming your body with pleasure that he was once again painfully hard and dying to be inside of you. But he wasn't about to just give it to you...not tonight.
"You wanna stop, baby?"
You nodded, shook your head, then nodded again.
Even his responding laugh sounded like a mockery. "I need a yes or a no, pretty girl. We can stop now if you want, but then you won't get my cock."
Your eyes widened to a comical degree and you shook your head rapidly. "N-no, I want it. Please, daddy. Want your cock."
"You sound so sweet when you're begging for me," he murmured lowly. "You want my cock?"
"Yes," you whined.
"Yeah? You want this old man's cock?"
You whimpered. "Please, daddy."
"I don't know if you deserve it, baby," he said thoughtfully. "After all those mean things you said about daddy...I think you're gonna have to earn it."
Your nails scratched against his chest as you started to panic. You needed his cock--wanted it so badly you could hardly breathe. "I'm sorry! I-I didn't mean it. I'll do any-anything. Please! I'm sorry, daddy. I've been good--please."
He loved hearing you beg for him, those rambling words warming something deep inside him he'd prefer not to take too close a look at. He gazed down at your fucked out face affectionately, expression thoughtful.
"I'll make you a deal, honey." He slid his hand up your neck, keeping your attention fixed on him. "You come for me one more time and I'll let you have my cock."
"I-I can't," you cried.
"'Course you can, sweetheart. 'Specially if you want daddy to fuck you properly."
He curled his fingers once again, speeding up his movements to match the need coursing through his body.
You couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. Couldn't formulate a coherent sentence if your life depended on it. All you could do was feel.
"Just relax for me, baby. I've got you," he soothed. "Gonna make you feel so good. Promise."
Your nails dug into his arms, leaving half-moon shapes in the skin to go along with the bruises already forming. You could do nothing but cling to him.
"Doin' so good, honey. Breathe for me." He kept his pace steady as his thumb joined in, circling your clit with just the right amount of pressure. "That's it. Just trust me. I'll get you there."
Your mouth opened and you tried to say his name, but no words came out. All you were able to do was whine and moan.
"Squeezing my fingers so tight. Know you're close," he murmured softly. "Let go for me and I'll give you a reward. C'mon, sweet girl."
Your legs had begun to shake at an embarrassing level and breathing had quickly become nearly impossible. Your vision was blurry and narrowed down to just his face, though you couldn't quite make it out.
"Daddy's got you, sweetheart. Let go."
Your release hit you in waves, each one more intense than the last. His fingers worked you through it, only pulling out when you finally started to come down.
He sheathed his cock inside you in one smooth motion, moaning at the sensation of your pussy fluttering around him. "Fuckin' christ, baby. So goddamn tight."
Your legs seemed to instinctively wrap around his waist, pulling him in even tighter against your body. You didn't want him to get away, even if that was never a thought that crossed his mind.
"God, you feel incredible," he moaned as he dropped to his forearms, caging you beneath him. "Made to take my cock."
You moaned in response, chest arching up to press against his.
"You like that, huh? Like being made for me?"
You nodded dumbly.
He chuckled lightly, nipping at your jaw in a teasing manner. "Yeah, I bet you do. Such a dirty girl. Taking my cock so well. This what you wanted all day? Wanted daddy to fuck you stupid?"
You whimpered in response, eyes screwed shut as the pleasure slammed into you with every single thrust of his hips.
"Did I fuck your sweet little brain straight out of your head? Hmm? Can't even use your words anymore?" He knew he was mostly talking to himself at this point, but he couldn't help the rambling stream of consciousness. "Wonder what that kid would think if he saw you all fucked out under me like this. Bet he'd be fuckin' jealous, huh? Yeah. I'm the only one that gets to have you like this. I'm the only one that makes you feel this good."
"Only you," you gasped out. "Please."
He didn't know what you were asking for any more than you did, but he would have given you the fucking world if you'd asked for it. "What do you need, baby? Hmm? Tell me, sweet girl."
In truth, you had no idea what you needed. You were so lost in pleasure, you couldn't tell up from down.
"C'mon. You can do it," he urged. "Tell me what you need."
Your pussy clenched tightly around him as an aftershock wracked your body.
"Oh fuck," he groaned into your neck.
"Come," you whined, nails scratching up and down his back.
"Yeah? You wanna come again, baby? That it?"
You shook your head, unsure if you even could come again. "You."
He groaned softly. "Want me to come, honey? Need me to fill you up? Make sure everyone knows you're mine?"
You nodded like a fucking bobble head, unable to hide how badly you wanted that.
"Fuck. You want this old man to make you his? Want everyone to know who makes you feel this good?"
"Please."
"Can't wait to see the look on everyone's faces when they realize I'm the only one who gets to fuck you like this. You're mine."
Your head tilted back as you arched into him, a soft cry of pleasure slipping out. You felt the familiar tightening deep in your gut and you realized with growing trepidation you were close to another orgasm.
"Yours. Only yours, Robby. Please. Pleasepleasepleaseplease."
Your rambling words pushed him closer to the edge. "Fucking hell, baby. Say my name again."
"Robby," you whined. "Need to come."
"Can feel it, sweetheart. I'm right there with you. Need you to come with me, okay?"
His thrusts were sloppy, but he still hit that spot so deep inside you, you hadn't been aware it existed before him. He always knew how to please you and tonight was no different.
"C'mon, sweet girl. Can't hold back," he groaned. "Come with me, baby."
His words pushed you over the edge, and you came for the final time with a broken scream of his name. He fell with you, filling you up with his seed before collapsing on top of you, lips pressing into your heated skin.
"Did so good for me," he murmured. "Fuckin' perfect. My perfect girl."
"Yours," you whispered into his hair as you caught your breath.
He chuckled lightly, eyes flicking up to your face. "Mine."
You laughed breathlessly as you ran your fingers through his hair, lifting his face just enough to brush a soft kiss to his lips.
"Wanna stay here forever," he mumbled into your chest as his own breathing regulated.
"Me too."
"I can hear the 'but' in your voice," he teased.
"Buuuuut," you said with a chuckle. "I'm starving."
He laughed loudly at that. "Me too, honey. You wore me out."
You opened your mouth to crack a joke about his age, but his hand covered your mouth before you could.
"Don't even think about it, sweetheart. I just rocked your fucking world."
You tossed your head back as laughter overtook you. "Charming, Robinavitch," you teased. "I'd mock you for that cheesy ass line if it weren't so damn true."
He grinned ear to ear. "Happy to be of service."
You rolled your eyes affectionately and placed a soft kiss to his forehead.
After several minutes, he finally pulled himself off you, tugging you up into a sitting position with him.
His eyes were thoughtful as he looked at you, the ghost of something unnamed in his gaze.
"You okay?"
"Mhm," he hummed. "But can I-can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
His earlier conversation with Jack flooded his mind and the painful urge he'd had in that moment hit him even harder now. "Can I tell Jack about us?"
Your expression shifted into one of surprise. "You want to?"
Now it was his turn to look surprised. "Of course I do. I wanna tell every damn person I meet." He sighed. "To be honest, it's killing me to keep this from Jack. He's my best friend."
You nodded thoughtfully before reaching out and gripping his hand. "When we first got together, I didn't want anyone to know, because I didn't want there to be comments about our relationship around PTMC...especially if it didn't work out. I thought it would be better for both our careers that way."
He nodded, waiting for you to continue.
"But it's been eight months," you said with a soft smile. "Eight beautiful months of just the two of us." You caressed his face gently. "I'm ready to let other people in. Especially the people we love."
His eyes softened considerably. "You mean it?"
"Of course I do, baby. I'll go scream it from the roof with you if you'd like."
He laughed softly, shaking his head affectionately. "You're absurd."
"That's what you love about me."
He leaned in, lips a hair's breadth away from yours. "One of the million little things I love about you."
Your heart practically melted from the sweetness as you closed the gap between you, pressing your lips against his in a loving kiss.
This right here was all Robby needed. You, in his arms, loving him more than he deserved. He couldn't ask for anything more.
Summary: You're a new attending just starting at PTMC. Day one on the job you meet Dr. Robby and you're instantly smitten, despite the 17 year age gap. As it so happens, he might be more than a little interested in you, despite his better judgment.
Warnings: cursing, age gap (reader is 33, Robby is 50), use of pet names. THE SMUT HAS ARRIVED: oral (F receiving), unprotected sex (P in V), multiple orgasms, squirting.
A/N: Direct continuation of part five.
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Seven (Pending)
You'd spent the rest of your shift trying to decide how and when to tell Robby you loved him. Technically, there was nothing wrong with just walking up to him and saying it--no preamble, no explanation, nothing--but it didn't feel right to do that. Plus, you didn't really want to do it at work.
Or, perhaps you were just making more excuses. There was still a small voice in the far recesses of your mind whispering negative thoughts. What if he didn't say it back? What if you made him uncomfortable by admitting something so real too soon?
You did your best to push those thoughts to the side, knowing in your heart they were foolish. Dana believed Robby loved you, and Robby had done everything he could to show you he loved you, so you just had to trust it was true.
As the day went on, you found yourself watching Robby more intently than was perhaps professional. You tried to convince yourself you were just trying to get a proper read on him, but you knew that was far from the truth.
In reality, you were having a hard time focusing on anything but him. Maybe it was your recent acceptance of your feelings for him, but god help you he looked damn good--better than usual. Unfortunately for you, your mind wandered repeatedly, impure thoughts about him filling your brain.
He wasn't even doing anything special. He was just existing, and here you were imagining all the different ways you could jump his bones. He'd probably be horrified if he could see inside your head.
You thought your staring was subtle enough to go unnoticed by your coworkers, but you were incredibly wrong.
"If you stare any harder, he might spontaneously combust," Santos muttered as she appeared beside you.
"I'm not staring," you insisted immediately.
"No offense, doc, but you haven't looked away from that man for the last five minutes."
You turned to look at her solely to prove her wrong. "I was lost in thought, Santos. He just happened to be standing in the way of my gaze."
"Mhmm. Yeah. Sure." She rolled her eyes as she strolled off, making an obscene gesture with her hands.
You groaned quietly, dropping your head into your hands in embarrassment. The last thing you needed was your residents noticing you staring at another attending like you wanted to eat him alive.
"You alright, baby?" Robby murmured lowly as he suddenly appeared beside you.
Your head shot up and you winced with the shock of the sudden movement. "Y-yeah, yeah, I'm good. Just Santos being a pain in the ass again."
He chuckled softly. "When is she not?"
"True."
"Need me to give her a talking to?"
Your lips lifted just enough to show your appreciation, but you shook your head. "Not this time, but thank you."
"Mhm," he hummed. His hand brushed down your back possessively, sending shivers down your spine. "Let me know if you change your mind."
He strolled off like he had no idea the impact his touch had on you--and maybe he really didn't. It was embarrassing really, how just a simple brush of his fingers was enough to leave you breathless.
Not even an hour later you found yourself observing a trauma led by Whitaker. Robby was right there beside him, letting him lead and only helping when necessary. You weren't even aware you were staring at him, nor did you realize you had a smile on your face.
McKay, however, noticed right away. She couldn't keep her own smirk off her face as she watched you watch Robby show Whitaker the proper technique for the procedure. You looked like you were about two seconds away from dragging the older man into a closet.
As the procedure finished up, Robby glanced up and met your heated gaze. He bit down on the inside of his cheek to keep the smile from forming on his face. That was the third time today he'd caught you looking at him like that and he was starting to think he was losing his mind. If you weren't careful, he was liable to kiss you in front of everyone.
Your cheeks reddened when he caught you staring, the deep flush only making you look more beautiful. You pulled your gaze away from him, desperate to calm yourself before someone else noticed.
McKay followed you out of the trauma room, intent on sussing out what was happening with you and Robby. "That was subtle," she murmured.
You groaned. "Fuuuuuck. You saw that?"
"Oh yeah. I didn't realize you could be so turned on by teaching."
You sighed dramatically. "It's not my fault he's so goddamn competent!"
She laughed softly. "So it's his competence that turns you on? That's a new kink for me."
"Stop that," you muttered, elbowing her lightly. "It's not a kink. I just appreciate his abilities, that's all."
"Oh I bet you appreciate his abilities."
The hidden implication of her words was not lost on you. "What I've seen thus far has been quite...skillful."
McKay raised a single brow, lips curled in a knowing smirk. "So you've officially...?
You shook your head. "I wanted to take it slow, but I think I've reached my limit." The admission made your cheeks flush again. "He's just so damn delectable."
Her laugh was real and loud this time. "Please never call my boss 'delectable' again. I can't unhear it."
You shot her a grin. "So you don't want all the filthy details when we finally do the deed?"
"Don't you dare keep a single thing from me," she warned with a dark chuckle and a shit eating grin.
"I wouldn't dare." You sauntered off to go check in on your patients, leaving her to laugh to herself.
Unbeknownst to you, Robby was in the same boat as you. It had started this morning when you called him after your nightmare. He found himself wishing he was beside you already, able to comfort you the moment he realized you were distressed.
It didn't matter what time it was, he'd gotten dressed and driven to your place, intent on making sure you were okay. When you curled up in his arms and fell asleep, he couldn't help the feeling surging in his chest. He couldn't put a name to it, but he thought it was derived from his desire to protect you and the love he could hardly keep contained.
He hadn't told you he laid there watching you sleep for at least an hour before succumbing to his own exhaustion. He didn't want you to be freaked out by it--and it hadn't been creepy, at least not intentionally.
This was the first time he'd had the opportunity to see you look so truly peaceful and it warmed something deep inside him to witness it. He also felt a sense of honor--honored you trusted enough to show such vulnerability, not just in falling asleep beside him, but in letting him see you in a moment of weakness.
He'd simply wanted to bask in the moment, take in the fact he was able to do this for you, to appreciate he was the one you called. When he finally did fall asleep, he slept better than he had in years. Just as you felt safe in his arms, he felt safe in yours.
When you'd woken up this morning, he was already awake. You'd looked up at him with a small, sleepy smile that made something in his chest tighten. You were so sweet, so beautiful, and he nearly blurted out 'I love you'. Some part of him was still convinced it was too soon to say it, but he was having a harder and harder time resisting.
When you walked into work later, he was already here. Your hair was still slightly damp from your shower and he had to resist the temptation to run his fingers through it. When you walked by, he got a whiff of your shampoo, and he found himself breathing in embarrassingly deeply.
Every time he was close to you, he wanted to reach out and touch you, even if it was just a light graze of fingertips across your skin. He ached to be near you, and it was killing him to hold himself back. He wanted the entire world to know he loved you--and that you were his. He'd happily go scream it from the roof if you let him.
He was finding it harder and harder to maintain a completely professional demeanor, even though nothing major had really changed between you. Yes, you'd gone on several dates...but the banter, the affection, the care--all of that had been there. Everyone already knew you and he were close, but now that he knew you wanted him just as much as he wanted you? He could hardly keep his hands to himself.
He tried not to stare at you when you were working--he didn't want to come across as creepy to other people, given how much older he was. To be fair, he mostly didn't want patients to notice. They didn't know him or you, but the Pitt staff did, so it was much less likely they'd be creeped out.
But sometimes, he simply couldn't help it. It wasn't his fault you were so effortlessly gorgeous. Nor was it his fault he was so annoyingly turned on every time he saw you teach a resident or intern something new, or when you were gentle with an elderly patient, or how you'd drop to your knees to talk with a child at their level. It wasn't his fault you were fucking perfect.
Dana was the only person on day shift bold enough to say anything about it to him, but even she kept her mouth shut. She did, however, send him frequent knowing smirks, especially when she caught him looking at you with that hooded gaze. To be honest, you'd have to be blind to miss it.
Towards the end of the shift, Robby ran directly into you as he came around a corner. He wasn't paying attention to where he was going, but when he collided with you, his arms shot out to grab your waist, steadying you with his firm grip.
The sound you made could only be described as a squeak--and it was so damn cute he had to suppress a smile. "Sorry, sweetheart. You alright?"
"Yeah," you mumbled, cheeks tinged red with embarrassment. "Sorry about that."
He cocked his head to the side as he watched you, hands still glued to your midsection. "Nothing to be sorry about. I'd never complain about the opportunity to touch you."
Your cheeks darkened, blush spreading down to your neck and what little he could see of your chest. You didn't want him to know how affected you were by his proximity, or the weight of his hands on you. You wanted to feel those large hands pressed against your bare skin with a kind of desperation that would appall you in any other circumstance.
Robby could see your inner turmoil, but you didn't pull away from him, and he didn't let go. He watched as you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, unaware of the instant effect the motion had on him.
"Christ, baby. Don't do that." His voice was lower than usual, filled with barely concealed desire.
Your eyes snapped back up to his, lips parting in surprise. "What? What did I do?"
He lifted his hand to brush his thumb across your bottom lip. "You have no idea what you do to me."
Your pretty eyes widened as the implication settled in your stomach. The barely controlled hunger you'd been feeling all day strained against its invisible leash, desire pooling low in your belly as you stared into his dark eyes. "Robby..."
His eyes fluttered closed and a groan slipped past his lips. "You can't say my name like that, sweetheart. Not here."
You inhaled sharply, his words sparking your need in new ways. "Come over after work." The words left your mouth before you realized what you were saying. It was not a question, nor did you regret it.
A soft rumbling sound broke deep in Robby's chest. "I'll be there."
You now had to find a way to make it through the last two hours of your shift without losing your mind, jumping his bones, or having to change your damn underwear.
**********
The moment the shift was over, you were running out the door, desperate to get to your apartment before Robby. You wanted enough time to at least shower beforehand.
You slipped a spare key under the welcome mat, shot him a quick text to tell him it was there, and then jumped in the shower.
Robby was already parking his car at your apartment when your text came through. He smiled a little when he read it before practically jogging into the building. He couldn't remember the last time he was this excited--something about you made him feel young again.
He found your key with ease and let himself into your apartment. He heard the shower running as he shrugged off his jacket and shoes. His feet started moving in the direction of your bathroom before his brain even registered what he was doing. He stopped just outside the halfway open door.
He didn't want to assume you would be okay with him just coming into your bathroom while you were naked in the shower, but before he could think to announce himself, he stepped forward onto a particularly squeaky floorboard.
You froze when you heard the sound, halfway through washing the day off your skin. "Robby?" you called out tentatively. "Is that you?"
"Yeah, baby. It's me."
Your entire body relaxed when you heard his voice, but your pulse quickly picked back up when the reality of his presence sunk in. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you spoke again. "Do you wanna join me?"
You swore you heard his sharp intake of breath, followed by a quiet curse. You heard the rustle of clothing and then the glass shower door slowly opened. You kept your back towards him as you tried to regulate your breathing. You weren't quite ready to see him in all his naked glory--and you weren't ready for him to see all of you.
Robby stepped into the shower, already breathless as he took you in. You'd piled your hair on top of your head, and a mixture of water and soap ran down the smooth planes of your back. His eyes dropped helplessly to the curve of your ass before stepping towards you.
He oh so gently rested his large palms against your hips, brushing his thumbs across them as he leaned into you. "This okay?" he whispered.
You released a shaky breath. "Yes."
You felt him pull you back slightly, aligning your body with his. You felt his erection press against your lower back and a new wave of need rushed through you. He lowered his head to press his lips against the skin between your shoulder and neck, his beard scratching against the soft flesh deliciously.
You leaned back against him, a soft sigh escaping your lips. His hands were so gentle against your skin, as if he was afraid to break you. His left hand slowly slid up your torso, brushing over your stomach, up through the valley of your breasts, up your neck to your jaw. He turned your head back towards him, angling you just right to brush his lips against the corner of your mouth.
The new angle gave you your first view of him since he'd entered the room. Objectively he looked the same as he had all day, but seeing his handsome face still managed to take your breath away.
You suddenly couldn't bear to not see him properly, so you spun around to face him, hands landing flat against his strong chest. Your eyes were locked on his as the softest "hi" slipped from your lips.
A slow smile spread across his face as he leaned down to brush his lips against yours. "Hi," he whispered against them.
He finally connected his lips to yours properly, stealing what little breath you had left. He kissed you like he had all the time in the world--like you weren't standing under the spray of a shower that would get cold sooner than later. He kissed you like he was mapping the shape of your lips, the feel of your tongue against his, coaxing soft sounds from your mouth directly into his.
When he finally pulled away for a breath, he allowed himself to take in the rest of your body. He already thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world, so he couldn't understand how it was possible for you to be even more beautiful, but here you were. He wanted to feel and kiss every inch of your body, leaving nothing untouched, nothing unloved. He was desperate to worship you--and make sure you knew the reverence he held for you and you alone.
You saw the admiration in his gaze as he took in your body and it warmed you deep in your soul. He looked at you like you were something magical to behold and he was honored to be allowed to bear witness. You'd never felt so beautiful.
You saw the moment his brown eyes landed on the two scars on your stomach--scars from a moment that still made his chest ache to think about. He'd almost lost you that night--lost you before he even got to have you.
His eyes were glossy with emotion as he reached out and tentatively brushed his fingertips along the rigid scars. They were a vivid reminder to both of you that life was short, sometimes unexpectedly so.
"I could have lost you that night," he whispered so lowly you weren't sure the words were meant for you.
You lifted his chin up to meet your gaze again. "But you didn't. I'm right here."
"But you could have, and I never would have been able to tell you I love you. It would have killed me too."
Your hand was still cupping his chin when his words settled into your chest. Every inch of your body froze, you were fairly certain even your heart stopped beating for a moment.
It clicked in Robby's brain when he saw your shocked expression that he'd let the words slip out--the same three words that had been living in his heart for months.
Before you could question it or respond in any way, he said it again. "I love you, (Y/N). I love you. I promise I will never give you cause to question it. I. Love. You." He punctuated the last three words with soft kisses that seemed to breathe life back into you, bringing you back to the moment.
"I spent the last 12 hours trying to decide when to tell you I love you," you admitted. "I know they say there's no perfect time, but this feels perfect. This moment, here, with you--it's just right. I love you, Robby. So damn much."
Even though he'd hoped against hope you would feel the same way, hearing you say it still nearly brought him to his knees. His hands gripped your hips like they were a lifeline, and his forehead fell to rest against yours.
You understood exactly what he was feeling, because the same intense emotions coursed through your own body. As slight as the distance between you was, you were suddenly unable to bear it, needing to feel his skin pressed against yours with no room for air.
Your fingers tangled into his hair and you tugged his lips down to yours. The passion you infused into the kiss left no room for questioning--it was clear exactly what you wanted. And Robby would give it to you. He'd always give in to you.
"Let me take you to bed," he murmured against your lips.
A breathless chuckle escaped you. "Scared of falling and breaking a hip?"
The teasing words had the desired effect. Robby's eyes darkened and his voice dropped to a low growl. "Say one more thing about my age..."
"Well, you are getting up there--Robby, wait!" You squealed in surprise as he picked you up, strong arms holding you tight to his body. Your legs wrapped around his waist for added support and you reached behind you to turn off the shower a mere instant before he was stepping out.
Water dripped all over your floor as he stepped out into your bedroom, but neither of you cared about the mess. It could wait.
He very unceremoniously dropped you onto your bed before climbing on top of you, pressing his much larger body firmly against you. "I'll show you exactly what this old man can do, baby. I don't think you'll complain about my age when I'm through with you."
A small smirk played across your lips as you watched him. You didn't want to take your brattiness too far for your first time together, but you couldn't resist one last little push. You lifted yourself onto your elbows, lips dangerously close to his as you urged, "Do your worst."
A dark, hungry groan rumbled through his chest at your taunting words and he kissed you deeply, leaving no room for further discussion. His hands roamed across your body as his tongue explored your mouth.
His knee wedged between your legs, pushing them farther apart to allow him to settle between them as he began to kiss down your neck, taking his sweet time ensuring every inch of your skin received equal treatment.
His lips were soft and sweet--hands gentle and delicate--but that's not what you wanted. There would be time for that soft, affectionate love making later. Right now, you wanted him to let loose--snap the reins on his thinly wrapped control.
"I'm not made of porcelain," you protested softly.
He lifted his head from your collarbone, cocking his head to the side to look at you. "I know."
"Then please, for the love of god, don't be so gentle."
He raised a single brow, still very much in control. "Oh? What would you prefer I do instead?"
Bastard. "I thought you said you were gonna show me what you could do. Too tired?"
You saw his eyes darken further, the tenuous hold on his control slipping. "Careful, sweetheart."
"Or what? What are you gonna do old man?"
There it was--the flash of anger in his eyes, quickly replaced by hunger. "You're gonna regret that."
You were quite certain you would not, but you didn't have the opportunity to say so. He nipped at your collarbone before moving quickly down your body, leaving a trail of sloppy kisses and bite marks in his wake.
When he settled between your thighs, you had no idea what you were in for. Robby couldn't handle multiple orgasms himself anymore, but he had no problem giving you an ungodly amount.
His brown eyes were almost entirely black as he glanced up at you, a small smirk on his face as he breathed in your scent. He slowly licked a thick stripe up your pussy, tasting you for the first time. His eyes rolled back slightly and he groaned low in his chest.
"Fucking Christ, you taste good," he rasped. He gave you no chance to say a word as he dove into your pussy like he was about to enjoy his favorite meal--which as far as he was concerned, it was.
A sharp gasp forced its way from your throat, head falling back onto the pillows as your spine arched. His mouth wrapped around your clit, sucking firmly enough to send sparks of pleasure through your body.
Large hands pressed against your inner thighs, forcing your legs even farther apart, allowing him unobstructed access to your weeping core. His tongue delved into you and he could feel your walls pulsing with each movement. He wanted so desperately to feel you clench around his cock, but it was much too soon for that.
Soft cries of his name mixed with muffled moans as he feasted on you with abandon. His hooded eyes raised just enough to look towards your face. Your fist was pressed against your mouth, drastically decreasing the volume of the sounds slipping past your lips.
Robby lifted his head, the cessation of pleasure bringing your attention to him. "What do you think you're doing?"
The dark tone of his voice had shivers racing down your spine. "I-uh-I don't wanna be too loud. I've got neighbors--"
"You think I give a damn about neighbors, baby? I wanna hear every little sound you're making for me. If we get a noise complaint, I'll handle it."
You couldn't quite put your finger on what was so fucking sexy about his words, but you followed his instructions, lowering your hands to the bed beside you.
Robby went back to his previous ministrations, pulling a loud moan from deep in your chest. "Fuck yes," he growled. "Much better--louder for me."
He slipped a single finger into you, dragging it along the soft spongey spot on your upper walls, eliciting a gasp of pleasure. His lips wrapped around your clit, tongue dancing across it as he stoked the fire building in your belly.
When he added a second finger, your moans only increased in volume. You tangled one hand into his hair, holding on so tightly it hurt, but he couldn't be bothered to care. You could have scalped him and he still would have stayed right where he was.
"Robby," you gasped. "S-so c-close."
He'd already known without you saying anything--the way you were squeezing his fingers was enough of a hint. He didn't slow down his tongue, didn't stop the coaxing motion of his fingers--he kept a steady pace, pushing you closer and closer to the edge.
Your nails scraped against his scalp and he moaned against you, hips pressing down against the mattress in search of some relief. He flicked his eyes up to meet your gaze, the insatiable hunger in them pushing you over the edge with a low moan.
Robby happily lapped up every drop your body gave him, and even when you began to try and pull away, his mouth remained locked on your pussy.
"Wait, Robby--'s too much!"
"You can take it, sweetheart," he asserted before pressing his tongue firmly and slowly to your clit repeatedly until your pleas turned to moans.
His fingers continued to press firmly against your g-spot, sending wave after wave of painful pleasure jolting through your body like lightning. Soft whimpers mixed in with your moans, as your second orgasm closed in on you with shocking speed.
Your knuckles had turned white from how hard you gripped his hair, but he kept up his precise movements.
"Robby," you gasped as your legs tried to close around his head.
He held you firmly in place, bringing you across the finish line for the second time. He moaned into your pussy, finally slowing down the frenzied assault from his fingers.
But he didn't stop entirely. Oh no, he had no intention of stopping yet. His tongue licked lazily across your folds, drinking in his fill as those thick fingers continued to stroke slowly.
"Robby," you moaned. "I-I can't."
"'Course you can, baby," he assured you, voice gravelly from disuse. "You've already done so well for me...you can handle a couple more."
You shook your head rapidly, hips gyrating wildly in an attempt to get away from the intensity of the sensations happening between your legs. You were already so out of it, his words didn't fully register until several seconds had passed.
"A couple?" you cried. "N-no, please, Robby--"
His tongue laved gently over your clit, eyes locked on your face to gauge your reactions. When your eyes rolled back just slightly, he knew he had you right where he wanted you.
He eased up on his fingers and detached his tongue from you, eliciting a soft, disgruntled sound from your sweet lips. "Aw, baby. You want me to stop?" The condescension that dripped from his tone would have pissed you off in any other situation, but here? Fuck if it wasn't hot as hell.
"Please," you gasped, unsure of what exactly it was you were asking for.
Robby chuckled darkly, deciding for himself what you wanted. "I've got you, sweet girl."
He lowered his head and went right back to sending you into overdrive. You completely lost track of the individual sensations--you could no longer tell the difference between his fingers, his mouth, and his tongue. You didn't know up from down, left from right. All you could feel was an overwhelming pleasure building deep in your gut.
The sounds you made were beautiful and arcane, meant only for his ears. Only he had the honor and the pleasure of making you feel like this--of seeing you so completely uninhibited.
Robby knew you were lost to the pleasure, could see it in the way your body moved, hear it in your voice, feel it in the way you clung to him like he was your lifeline. He lived for this--to give you this kind of pleasure.
Words no longer formed in your mind. No coherent thoughts emerged from the fog--nothing but primal sounds and animalistic feelings.
Robby lifted his head up just enough to get your attention, voice low and hungry as he murmured your name. It took you several moments to orient yourself to the sound, finally locking eyes with the man settled happily between your legs.
"That's it, sweetheart. Doin' so well for me. Go ahead an' let go. Wanna feel ya."
You were fairly certain he was talking to you--you could see his mouth moving--but you didn't comprehend his words. Your body, however, understood him perfectly. You fell into an ocean of bliss, hips bucking against his face in desperation.
This time, when you let out overstimulated whimpers and weakly shifted away from him, he let you. He eased his fingers slowly from your core, bringing them to his mouth to suck each one clean individually.
His eyes never left your face as you slowly came back to yourself, body shaking with aftershocks. The first thing you felt were Robby's large hands rubbing soothingly against your hips and thighs, grounding you.
The first thing you heard as your heart beat returned to normal and your breath came more easily, was his soft voice whispering sweetly to you. You didn't catch all of his words, but you caught enough to get the gist.
"Breathe for me, baby."
"That's it. So sweet."
"Tasted like heaven. Coulda stayed there all night."
"Just relax, sweetheart. I've got you."
You blinked a few times until his handsome face came into focus. His beard was damp with your juices and his pupils swallowed up every bit of beautiful brown in his irises, but his gaze was almost unbearably gentle.
You reached for him and he grabbed your hands and pulled them up to his lips, pressing soft kisses to your knuckles. The affectionate gesture made your chest tighten.
"Love you," you whispered breathily.
He smiled at you, leaning down to hover just above your mouth. "I love you too, sweetheart."
When he pressed his lips to yours, you tasted yourself on his lips, on his tongue--and you moaned at the taste. He smirked into the kiss, fingers pressing possessively into your hips as he gently ground down against you.
His cock brushed against your folds, earning a sharp intake of breath from him and a gasp from you.
Despite the three mind-blowing orgasms you'd already experienced, the desire to feel him inside you was too much. You couldn't bear another second apart.
"Robby, please-" you gasped. "Need you."
He smirked, expression dark. "Yeah? Whatcha need, pretty girl? Gotta use those words for me."
"You," you whined. "I need you."
That dark chuckle broke from his chest again as he stared at you, unwilling to give in so easily. "C'mon baby, you can do better than that. Thought you had a little more bite in you."
You attempted to shoot him a glare, but you were fairly certain it was barely more than a wince. "Want you inside me, Robby."
"I was already inside you," he teased.
You groaned in exasperation. "No--want your cock, Robby."
He thrust against you, pushing just the tip of his cock through your folds with a low groan. "There--that was much better." He leaned forward so his lips were barely brushing against yours. "But I'm gonna need you to beg for it."
Your eyes widened as you inhaled lightly. You wanted him too badly to bother putting up a fight--there wasn't much brat left in you. "Need your cock, Robby. Wanna feel you inside me. Need it so bad, baby. Please. Please. Please."
He smirked. "Good girl."
Robby thrust forward, sheathing himself in your warm walls in one motion. He saw the way your eyes rolled back and he couldn't help the surge of pride settling in his chest, even as his own head dropped against yours and his body shuddered at the incredible feeling.
You weren't sure if this was the best feeling you'd ever experienced or if it was too much. He was just so goddamn big--stretching you in ways you were fairly certain the human body was not meant to experience, and his tip was lodged firmly up against your cervix. It hurt, but it also felt...unbearably incredible.
Robby pressed sweet kisses all over your face as he waited for your body to adjust. He didn't want to hurt you too badly--he knew exactly how large he was.
His lips soothed you, along with the gentle caress of his hands against your sides. Once your breathing regulated, he murmured, "You ready, sweetheart?"
You nodded tentatively, as if unsure whether you could handle him moving.
"I can take it slow," he offered.
"No, please--I-I need you."
That was all he needed to hear.
Robby's initial pace was not gentle. It wasn't slow. It wasn't soft. He fucked you like this was the last thing he was going to get to do in this life and he wanted to give it his all.
"Christ, baby. You feel incredible. So warm and tight for me."
You moaned in response, back arching off the bed as his cock kissed your cervix with each thrust. Your nails raked down his back as pleasure coursed through your veins.
"Robbyyyy," you whimpered, drawing out the last syllable of his name.
"Right here, sweet girl. I've got you." Robby nudged his nose against your chin, tilting your face up so he could nuzzle into your neck. His teeth nipped against your pulse point, earning a moan from deep in your chest.
As much as he loved being able to kiss you, he wanted a better angle, so he sat up and lifted your legs so one rested on either side of his head. The shift in position allowed him to thrust even deeper into you, slamming against a spot so deep inside you, it had you seeing stars.
Robby quickly realized the change in angle was sending you closer to another orgasm, as your pussy squeezed him like a fucking vice. "Shit, baby," he groaned lowly. "You gotta stop squeezing me like that or I'm not gonna last much longer."
"S-so-sorry. Can't--Robby, I-" you blabbered incoherently.
He chuckled darkly, pressing a kiss to your ankle as he kept up his relentless pace. "What was that, sweetheart? Too cock drunk to use your words?"
"Please," you whined, though you were completely unaware of what exactly you were begging him for.
"What's wrong, sweet girl? Too much for you?"
You nodded once, then shook your head--clearly too fucked out to really understand what he was asking you.
Robby's grin only widened as he took in your disheveled state. He gripped your hips tight enough to leave bruises and slammed into you with renewed force.
You cried out, body thrashing slightly beneath him, unable to contain the pleasure much longer. One more well-placed thrust had you falling apart on his cock with a desperate scream of his name.
Robby groaned lowly, the sound of his name coming from your lips and the feeling of your pussy fluttering around him was almost too much for him.
He slowed down as you came down from your high, not wanting this to end quite yet. He was gentle as he lowered your legs from his chest, kissing each of them softly as his hips rolled much more gently than before.
"Hey, baby girl," he whispered. "You with me?"
Your eyes were squeezed shut and you were panting heavily beneath him. You heard the words, but you couldn't quite formulate a response. Not yet anyway.
His large hands brushed the hair back from your face as he leaned forward. Your legs instinctively wrapped around him, pulling him even tighter in against you.
"Sweetheart?" he murmured again, gaze soft and affectionate as he looked at your beautiful face. "Can you look at me? Wanna see those pretty (y/e/c) eyes."
He continued his slow, steady pace, patiently waiting for you to meet his gaze. After several more minutes, your eyes finally blinked open, hazy eyes meeting his.
"There she is." He brushed his nose against yours in a sweet gesture. "You alright?"
You nodded, a small smile spreading across your lips. "More than alright."
He matched your sweet expression, eyes filled with so much love it made it hard to breathe. "You did so good for me, baby."
Your flushed cheeks darkened at his soft praise, an almost bashful expression coming across your face. "Feels good, Robby," you whispered.
He leaned in to kiss you, savoring the feeling of your lips on his. "I love you, (Y/N/N)."
You smiled into the kiss. "Love you more."
"Impossible," he teased.
Before you could say anything further, Robby shifted again. This time, he pressed your thighs down against your chest and put his weight almost completely onto you. He started to pick up his pace again, cock brushing against your g-spot with each thrust.
"Robby," you whimpered, lips brushing against his forehead. "Please."
"What do you need, sweetheart?"
"Need you to come."
He groaned softly, hips stuttering slightly. "Shit--alright baby. Where do you want it?"
"Inside, please," you begged desperately. "Wanna feel you fill me up."
"Fuckin' hell," he growled, hips slamming against you with a brutal force.
To your shock, you felt his hand slip between your bodies, deft fingers circling your clit. "Robby--no, I-I can't--"
"'Course you can, baby. You can give me one more."
"It-It's too m-much." Your head shook rapidly even as the tension in your lower belly began to form.
"Just need you to give me one more," Robby begged lowly. "Wanna feel you come on my cock one more time before I fill you up. You wanna be good for me, don't you?"
Of course you wanted that. You always wanted to be good for him. You would do just about anything he asked you to do--especially if it made him look at you the way he was looking at you in this moment.
You nodded slowly, allowing the feeling of pleasure to overtake the overstimulation. "I-I can try."
Robby smiled sweetly, pressing a kiss to your lips. "That's my girl. Always so good for me."
He continued his steady pace, each thrust bringing both of you closer to orgasm. He was doing everything he could to stave off his own--he would be damned if he didn't prolong your pleasure as much as he possibly could.
You clung to him so tightly he worried you'd inadvertently hurt yourself, but you couldn't be bothered to care. The rising tide within you felt so unlike anything you'd ever experienced, and you could hardly breathe as your end neared.
You tried to say his name--tried to tell him you were close, tried to say anything at all--but no words came out. Even your moans were mostly heavy breaths and soundless gasps.
Robby could see you struggling, just as well as he could feel your pussy gripping him tighter than it ever had before. He knew you were close--he just needed to give you that extra push.
“Let go for me, baby,” Robby urged softly, one hand brushing through your hair soothingly. “I’ll always be here to catch you.”
Maybe it was the sweetness of his words, or maybe it was the perfectly timed thrust, or perhaps a combination of both, that had your jaw dropping in a wordless scream as you came harder than you'd ever come in your life.
Robby groaned so loudly there was a zero percent chance the neighbors didn't hear. He felt, more than saw, you squirt all over his abdomen--and it was the sexiest fucking thing he could imagine.
"Fuck, baby," he mumbled seconds before filling you up with his cum, the thick, hot ropes of it pouring into you as your pussy milked every last drop from him.
His hips stuttered slowly to a stop and he collapsed on top of you, but not before he allowed you to extend your legs again. His lips pressed affectionate kisses against your collarbone and neck as you both came down from your intense highs.
Robby was much more alert than you were, voice soft and gentle as he slowly coaxed you back to reality.
You didn't hear him at first--brain too muddled with pleasure to comprehend a single thing. After several minutes, your brain was finally able to register his sweet voice.
"Love you so much," he was whispering against your skin. "So beautiful and perfect. So good to me. Don't even know what I did to deserve you."
You brushed your fingers through his hair, bringing his attention to your face. "Don't start with that nonsense," you teased softly, voice a little hoarse from the screams he'd wrenched from your throat.
He smiled. "Sorry, baby. Can't help it. Just so goddamn lucky."
"We both are."
He didn't look entirely convinced, but he didn't correct you either.
"I think I need another shower," you muttered, breaking the intensity of the moment.
He laughed. "You and me both, babe. You, uh, you squirted all over me." He lifted himself off you, showing the evidence that coated his lower half.
"Oh my god," you gasped, covering your eyes in embarrassment. "I am so sorry."
He gently removed your hand from your face. "Don't ever apologize for that. Sexiest shit I've ever seen."
"Really?"
"Really." He kissed you deeply, effectively banishing any lingering doubts.
When he broke the kiss, you sighed contentedly. "As much as I really wanna just lay here in your arms, I need a shower."
"Obviously, I'm joining you."
You smirked. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
After a nice hot, relaxing shower, the two of you crawled back into bed after Robby helped you change the sheets. You settled against him, laying your head on his chest as you got comfortable.
"I could go to sleep like this every night," he murmured. "Holding you in my arms--it's soothing."
You glanced up at him, a small smile on your face. "I wouldn't complain if you wanted to stay over more often."
His smile widened. "You're more than welcome to stay with me anytime you want too."
"Don't tempt me," you teased, leaning up to kiss him.
He chuckled softly as you settled back against his chest. His lips brushed the top of your head and he whispered, "Get some sleep, sweetheart. I'll be right here when you wake up."
You knew in your heart it was true--he'd always be there. Not just tomorrow morning, but anytime you needed him. "I love you, Robby."
You could feel his smile against your head as he responded in kind, "I love you too, (Y/N)."
You closed your eyes and listened to the steady beat of his heart, the rhythm lulling you to a deep sleep filled with beautiful dreams of a life with the man you loved.
Summary: Falling in love again wasn't on your to-do list, certainly not any time soon. But when you meet Dr. Jack Abbot, you quickly find fate has other plans for you.
Warnings: swearing, use of pet names, descriptions of physical and mental/emotional abuse, age gap (reader is in her early 30s, Jack is in his mid-40s). SMUT, oral (F receiving), unprotected sex (P in V).
Exactly three people knew you'd moved to Pittsburgh: your mother, your older brother, and your little sister. You hadn't even told your friends you were moving--not that you had any friends left after everything that had happened.
You'd never even visited Pittsburgh before when you loaded up your car and drove across the country for a new job and a new life. Your mom and brother were sad to see you go, but your sister couldn't be bothered to care like they did. She still thought you were over-reacting.
You'd spent a grand total of three hours on the internet applying for emergency room attending positions across the country. Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center was the first to respond. Two weeks later, you'd packed up what little belongings you had and left your hometown behind.
You knew next to nothing about Pennsylvania, and you knew even less about Pittsburgh, but you chose to view the entire thing as a new adventure. It was better than dwelling on the past.
You didn't have the luxury of being picky when you applied for the job, so you ended up on the night shift for the first time in your short career. You'd been worried at first about the change in lifestyle, but you quickly discovered you loved it. There was something almost magical about being awake when the world was asleep.
Or maybe the warm feeling in your chest had nothing to do with the "magical" nature of the night, and everything to do with a certain attending you had no business thinking about.
You'd noticed Dr. Jack Abbot immediately. It was hard not to. He was handsome, brilliant, and more than a little sassy. He could be sharp and abrasive, but also kind and caring. There wasn't a single thing about him you didn't find yourself drawn to--every new piece of information you learned about him was yet another thing to adore.
But you weren't stupid. You weren't naive. You'd met men like Jack. You knew better than to trust him--knew his entire persona may be nothing more than a front to hide the devil beneath. It was better to stay away from him--safer.
It wasn't just Jack you held at a distance. It was everyone, especially the male staff members. It wasn't that you didn't like them, you just couldn't trust them. At least, not fully. Not yet.
Six months had gone by and you still hadn't opened up to anyone. No one on the night shift knew anything substantial about you. It wasn't for lack of trying, but you managed to circumvent every single personal question that was lobbed your way.
Jack noticed. Of course he did. He was an exceptionally observant man. He'd noticed a lot about you in those six months, even if he barely knew more than your name.
Most of the other staff members had stopped trying to get to know you, but not Jack. He was persistent to a fault. You weren't sure if he was nosey or just wanted to know you. Either way, you weren't budging.
At first Jack was hurt by your aloofness, by the wariness in your eyes every time he was near, but he quickly noticed you treated everyone similarly. Even overbearing male patients had you raising your guard and retreating like a wounded animal.
The first time Jack really noticed something was amiss was during a complicated procedure you were running. Before you could speak up, one of the interns made a mistake and the patient began to hemmorage. Jack immediately stepped in, snapping at the intern to take a step back. It wasn't cruel, just loud, but your entire body tensed as if you were bracing for his rage...like you thought he would snap at you too.
Even after you and Jack managed to stop the bleeding and the patient was transferred to the OR, there was a lingering sense of fear clinging to you. Jack didn't understand what was wrong, not until he reached out to place a comforting hand on your arm--a simple attempt to reassure you. You yanked your arm back and stepped away, eyes snapping up to his in fear.
Jack couldn't fully understand what was wrong, but he never tried to touch you again. The last thing he wanted to do was make you uncomfortable or push you in any way. He just wanted to be your friend.
The second time Jack saw a glimpse beneath your facade was when you and he disagreed on a treatment plan.
"I think that's too aggressive," you insisted.
"If we keep wasting time debating, her illness might only get worse," Jack argued.
"Debating is an important part of the process," you countered. "This is, after all, a teaching hospital."
"Regardless," he huffed, "I think we need to start the meds now while they're still a viable option."
"And I think we need to run a couple more tests before we jump the gun on medications with severe side effects."
Jack groaned and took a step towards you. Your entire body stiffened and you instinctively took a step back, breath caught in your chest, pupils wide as you stared into his face.
His entire demeanor softened instantly. He still didn't understand why you reacted that way, but he could see the fear in your eyes and the mere idea you would be afraid of him felt like a knife to the heart. He'd do anything to dispel you of that notion.
"Alright," he conceded softly. "Let's run the tests."
Slight surprise lit up your gaze. "Thank you." Your voice was soft, too soft, but before Jack could say another word you were heading back to the patient's room.
He was left standing there staring after you, confusion and worry waring for dominance in his mind.
The third time was when he realized just how easily frightened you could be. It was the day of the PittFest shooting, and you and Jack had both come in early to help. Jack saw the shift in your demeanor when your eyes landed on Dana's bruised face, but there wasn't time to dissect it.
It wasn't until the last of the victims was transferred to the OR that you finally had a moment to breathe--and to ask Dana what had happened to her. Jack was in earshot as the older woman told you about the patient who assaulted her. He had a clear view of the look on your face, and the tears that welled in your eyes as you turned away, excusing yourself to the restroom.
All Jack had were pieces of the puzzle, but he was starting to form a picture in his mind of what that puzzle might look like in its completed form.
The final piece slid into place a week later. You'd been in your head since that day, and you'd become a little careless. You were in triage by request, thinking you couldn't mess up anything too major there.
You were in the middle of showing a new intern how to do a debridement when Jack walked in the room. You felt his presence without him saying a single word, and it was enough to distract you from the task at hand.
As you moved the small blade away from the patient's leg, you slid the tip directly across your finger, slicing it open through your glove.
Jack's reaction was, admittedly, more intense than perhaps it should have been. In his defense, he was both physically tired and more than a little emotionally drained from watching you slip even deeper into your shell.
"Damnit, (Y/L/N)," he snapped, reaching out to grab your hand to examine the cut. "Go clean it before you get a damn infection."
The second he saw the look on your face, he hated himself for speaking so harshly. He was worried, and it came out more intensely than he'd intended.
Your body was more tense than he'd ever seen it, as if you were bracing for impact. He realized that's exactly what you were doing, but he wasn't sure if it was for a physical impact or a verbal one. All he knew was you looked terrified, eyes filled with unshed tears as you stared at the ground, shoulders curled in as if to make yourself smaller, and a slight tremor to your limbs that snapped his heart right in two.
Before he could say anything else, before he could apologize, you rushed from the room, slipping past him in a hurried way he'd only seen from survivors.
He stared after you, self-loathing curling around his heart as he stood there in silence. That was the moment he resolved to make sure you never had cause to look at him that way again.
**********
Jack spent the next four months doing everything in his power to prove to you he was a good man. Even you had to admit he was doing a damn good job of it.
Even on his worst days, Jack was never cruel. He was never belligerent or condescending. He could be gruff, but he never raised his voice at you. Not once.
If you argued, he remained calm and rational. He was respectful of your thoughts and opinions and never made you feel like your input wasn’t valuable.
Whenever there was cause for correction, Jack offered it in a soft, gentle voice. He wasn’t as soft with everyone else as he was with you, but you’d discovered he wasn’t prone to anger even in the most exasperating of circumstances.
What really started to soften you was how genuinely kind and caring Jack was. It was evident he cared about his patients and the staff, but he took it a step further with you. He went out of his way to show you he was trustworthy—that he’d never hurt you.
If Jack allowed himself to admit it, he’d acknowledge he cared perhaps a bit more than he should. There was just something about you that seemed to draw him in, as if he was caught in your gravitational pull.
Jack thought you were beautiful—had thought it since the moment you walked into the Pitt, but in the last few months, you’d begun to settle more into yourself, displaying more of your personality than before, and gods help him but you’d become all the more beautiful for it. He sometimes found himself unable to look away.
Jack wanted nothing more than to give you the time and space to open up to him, and the more present he was, the more you started to let him in.
It started small. You told him where you were from, a small town in Northern California. He asked you questions about it, allowing you to share bits of information without getting too personal.
Next you told him about college. You'd attended UCSF for medical school, completing your training and choosing to specialize in emergency medicine. You found it easy to share things about your education--you loved what you did and you were excited to share that part of yourself with someone.
Jack loved watching your face light up when you talked about school, about research you'd conducted, or new studies you'd read up on...anything medical-related had you chattering away with more excitement than he'd ever seen from you before.
Your brother had been the only member of your family to support your decision to go to medical school. Your mother insisted it was too costly and your sister thought you wouldn't survive it, but you'd managed to get scholarships to cover large portions of your education, effectively proving them both wrong.
You didn't talk about your family...not yet. You just weren't ready to cross that line. Something about it felt too personal and you just didn't know if you wanted Jack to know.
Jack, on the other hand, was an open book. He told you everything about his past--probably more than he should. He shared stories about his time in Iraq, losing his leg, losing his wife...most people looked at him in pity when he shared those things, but not you. You thanked him for trusting you enough to share something so personal, and there was an understanding in your eyes that made him feel seen.
Jack never pushed you to open up or share more than you were willing to. If he asked a question and you deflected, he moved on to something else. He hoped you'd open up to him in your own time.
Unfortunately for him, the more he saw beneath your mask, the more he wanted to know. He liked you far more than was suitable for a man 15 years older than you, but he couldn't quite bring himself to care.
He adored you. He wanted you. And every single person on the night shift could see it--except for you. Lena teased Jack about his obvious yearning relentlessly, and of course she'd told Dana, who immediately told Robby, which meant Jack got it from his best friend too.
Shen had started dropping not-so-subtle hints that Jack should ask you out, and even Ellis had started teaming up with him. Every single member of the nursing staff made comments about Jack's infatuation with you...but not a single person ever said a word to you.
You were entirely oblivious to Jack's affections. You figured he'd managed to put together enough clues to have some idea of your past, so his behavior was just a nice man treating you with respect. You viewed it like he was simply trying to restore your faith in his gender--just not in a romantic way.
Not that you would necessarily have been opposed. You liked him, but you were still working through your own issues. Besides, he was quite a bit older than you and you worked together--it wasn't likely he was interested in you like that. So you didn't dwell on your feelings and you didn't pick up on his.
As you started to get more comfortable with Jack, you started to get more comfortable with other people on the staff, especially Lena. She felt so much like a motherly figure and you had started to regularly come to her for advice.
Lena wasn't sure how you'd managed to go all these months without once picking up on Jack's desires. She'd catch him staring longingly in your direction at least once a shift, or smiling at you with that softly affectionate look he reserved just for you. He also went out of his way to do things for you and make sure you were well taken care of in a way he never did for anyone else.
More than once, she considered telling you Jack was interested, but she could tell you weren't quite ready. She figured you'd reach that conclusion on your own sooner or later, but she wasn't above dropping little hints along the way.
"You have anything to eat, yet?" Lena asked.
"Not yet," you muttered, eyes still glued to the screen as you tried to catch up on your charting.
"Better get munching before Jack comes over here and force-feeds you."
That earned a small chuckle from your lips.
"He'd do it too. That man would go full hunter/gatherer if you said you were hungry."
You laughed lightly, rolling your eyes at her words. "Oh he would not, Lena."
"Wanna bet?" Lena looked up, spotting Jack walking out of a room. "Hey Abbot, (Y/N)'s hungry."
Jack immediately walked over to the desk. "I can order something. What do you want?"
You chuckled and shook your head. "I'm fine, Jack, but thank you. Lena's just being a tease."
Despite your words, Jack ordered your favorite foods from the local Chinese place that was open 24 hours. Lena couldn't help the smile that spread across her face as she watched Jack practically drag you into the break room and force you to eat.
**********
After a particularly busy shift, Jack offered to buy you breakfast. "I know you didn't have anything to eat all night, so you've gotta be starving."
"I was just gonna have a bowl of cereal at home."
Jack put his hand over his heart in mock offense. "Don't insult me, fair lady. I'd much rather treat you to some real food--preferably where I can ensure you actually eat instead of just going to bed."
You chuckled softly. "Fine, but I'm buying."
"Absolutely not. I invited you, so I'm paying."
You rolled your eyes affectionately as you fell into step beside him. He led you to a nearby diner he liked to frequent after long shifts.
"The coffee is hot and the food is delicious," he said after you'd been seated. "Much better than anything you'd get in the cafeteria or a bowl of cereal."
"I like cereal!" you protested with a laugh.
"I promise you'll like this more."
Jack ordered a coffee and his usual breakfast when the server came by before looking to you for your order. You found yourself reveling in the fact that he didn't order for you. You made your selection and fell silent as the server left. You didn't know how to explain the feeling to Jack, to make him understand how grateful you were for his respect of your autonomy.
"You okay?"
You looked up from the table and offered him a small smile. "I'm good. Great, actually. Really great."
He raised an eyebrow, but wasn't able to ask for clarification as the server delivered two cups of coffee. Once you'd both taken a sip, he decided to prod a tiny bit.
"Sometimes it feels like you disappear into your head for a moment or two."
You inhaled deeply, letting the breath release in a sigh. "I know. I'm sorry about that."
"No, no need to apologize. It's just an observation," he said softly. "I do sometimes wonder where you go, if I'm being honest."
"It depends," you answer truthfully. "Lately I've been reflecting on how different my life is now than it was a year ago."
"Different good?"
You gave him a small smile. "Definitely good."
He matched your expression. "I've actually been thinking the same thing myself lately."
"You've been thinking about how different my life is?" you teased.
He grinned. "Oh yeah, that's all I think about." A small chuckle left his lips and he shook his head. "Seriously, I never would have imagined I'd be sitting across from you if you'd asked me a year ago."
"That could be because we only met 10 months ago."
He rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."
Your expression softened. "Yeah. I do."
"I'm-I'm glad you moved to Pittsburgh," he murmured. "Even if you never tell me why you moved here."
You knew by the way he said the words that he wasn't pushing you for an answer to the unasked question. He meant it. Even if you never explained, never told him the real reason, he wouldn't push you for it. He was just glad to know you.
For that reason, you found yourself opening your mouth and saying the words aloud for the first time since moving. "I moved here to escape my abusive ex."
Even though Jack had been fairly certain you'd suffered some kind of abuse in your past, he hadn't been prepared for you to confirm it. He also couldn't help but notice the way you said the word 'escape'--and the small undercurrent of fear that still lingered after all this time.
"I'm so sorry," he said softly. There really wasn't anything else he could say. He just hoped he never met the man that hurt you--he was fairly certain he would do something that would most definitely go against the oath he took to do no harm.
"Thank you." You looked down for a moment to collect yourself. When you met his gaze again, you found no pity in his eyes. You could see the sadness, a bit of anger, and a soft affection that made you feel safe. It made you want to open up further. "His name is Ethan. We were together for four years."
Jack reached his hand across the table, placing it on top of yours with a small squeeze. "You don't have to tell me anything."
"I know," you whispered. "I want to."
He nodded slowly and retracted his hand slightly, leaving it just within reach of yours.
"He was sweet in the beginning. Overly so. Always buying me gifts and complementing me. He took me out several times a week, always brought me flowers. Looking back, I know it was just lovebombing, but at the time, I didn't see it. I thought I'd finally found a good man."
You paused. "We moved too quickly. I know that now. I'd practically moved in with him after only three months. We spent every spare minute together and at first everything was perfect. But once I moved in with him permanently, his behavior started shifting. I couldn't go out with my friends without his permission. I couldn't have male friends. He even forced me to distance myself from my family--telling me I didn't need anyone but him."
Jack wanted to save the girl in the story you were telling, but he knew it was far too late for that. It made his chest ache.
"I never thought I'd ever fall into someone's trap like this. I always thought 'that could never be me'. Everyone thinks that way until it happens to them. And it only got worse. He started insisting on driving me to and from work for every shift. He wanted to know where I was 24/7. I later found out he'd put an app on my phone that allowed him to see all of my messages and track my location."
"Jesus," he muttered.
"Yeah...he somehow made my life all about him in a matter of months. I couldn't do anything without his permission, even something as simple as ordering my own food at a restaurant."
It dawned on Jack that's what the look on your face had been earlier, when he'd waited for you to order your own food. He'd never felt the urge to control someone so thoroughly they couldn't even eat what they wanted. He just couldn't wrap his head around it.
"It didn't take long for him to completely isolate me. That's when the verbal abuse really took hold. He was always angry. Constantly belittling me, screaming at me, telling me I wasn't good enough. I-I can still hear his voice in my head sometimes..."
Your admission broke Jack's heart. There wasn't a thing he wouldn't do to rid your mind of Ethan's voice--of all the negative things he'd ever said to you.
"It was worse when he'd drink," you admitted. "A lot worse."
You were saved from explaining further by the arrival of your food. Once the server left, Jack spoke up again. "Thank you for sharing that with me, (Y/N). I'm sorry you went through that."
You nodded, feeling a little lighter having told him.
"I hope you know you didn't deserve any of that."
"It's taken some time, but I know that now."
"Good. You deserve to be treated with respect. A man who really loves you would never hurt you on purpose." He hoped you could hear the words he wasn't saying--that he would never hurt you.
"You're right."
The words were simple, but they rang true. Therapy had gone a long way in healing you, and showing you that you hadn't deserved what happened to you. You'd finally come to terms with the fact that you deserved someone who would treat you right.
The conversation shifted to lighter topics as you ate your breakfast, enjoying each other's company perhaps more than you should. When the check finally came, Jack handed the server his card before you could object. It didn't feel overbearing coming from him. It just felt like a man who cared.
After breakfast, the two of you walked slowly back towards the hospital where your cars were waiting in the parking garage.
"Can I ask you why you felt like you had to move across the country to escape him?" The question had been nagging at the back of Jack's mind since you'd said the words.
"The physical abuse had escalated," you said lowly. "To the point where even makeup wasn't hiding the bruises, and I'd broken one too many bones for it to seem accidental. People had started asking questions--questions I couldn't answer. When Ethan found out the hospital social worker had been talking to me, he threatened to kill me if I ever left him. That was the moment I knew I had to get out."
Jack stopped walking mid-stride, coming to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk. He couldn't help the surging feeling in his chest--the intense need to protect you along with something he wasn't ready to name.
"Jack?" You turned to look at him, eyes wide with concern.
"He's never going to hurt you again, (Y/N)." He said the words with such certainty it made your heart race. "I'd never let anything happen to you."
You couldn't quite identify the reason why, but you believed him. You knew you could trust him with your life, not just the gory details of your past, but with your actual life. You were suddenly certain Jack Abbot would give his life to protect you if it ever came to that, and you prayed he'd never have to.
That was the moment everything changed for you. Jack wasn't just a friend that cared about your wellbeing. He was a man you could see yourself falling for--a man, if you were honest, you'd already fallen for.
You couldn't find any words to say, couldn't express any of the things you were feeling in the moment. All you could do was take a step towards him and wrap your arms around him in a tight hug you hoped conveyed some of what you were feeling.
Jack pulled you in close and dropped his lips to the top of your head, breathing in the scent of your shampoo as he held on tightly. He didn't know what any of this meant, if you could feel what he felt, but he hoped this was the beginning of something new--for both of you.
**********
Two months had passed since that day and you'd barely spent a single day apart. You weren't dating. Neither of you had expressed feelings of any kind. You both just wanted to spend time together. At least that's what you told yourselves.
You had breakfast together every morning after your shift. You'd go for walks in the park or see a movie. You went to the art museum, had several coffee dates, went to a jazz concert, and had a few dinners at his apartment on your nights off.
In truth, you'd never been happier. You were still dealing with your own personal traumas, but you were slowly learning how to feel comfortable in your own skin again. You were also finally experiencing comfort with other people too. It had been so long since you'd last really let someone in, and allowing both Jack and Lena to see under the surface was a truly powerful thing.
You found yourself looking forward to work for the first time in years, not just because you got to see Jack, but because you actually liked your coworkers. You'd always loved medicine and you loved being a doctor, but you were finally allowing yourself to relax and become part of the team.
Jack, of course, loved seeing this new side of you. You joined in on the playful banter, teasing your colleagues in the same way they always teased each other. You smiled more--a lot more. You fell into a comfortable rhythm on the night shift, seemingly leaving the scared, injured girl behind.
Everyone noticed the shift in your demeanor, but no one questioned it. They just enjoyed the friendlier, softer version of you. No one, that is, except for Lena. She had a feeling she knew exactly what had changed.
"You two make it official yet?" she asked Jack one Saturday night as he hovered near the desk pretending to be busy and definitely not watching you teach a new intern across the hall.
"Wh-what?" he sputtered. "Who? What? What are you talking about?"
Lena chuckled. "Subtle, Abbot. You know exactly who and what I'm talking about."
Jack's gaze shifted over to you as if it had a mind of its own. He sighed softly. "We're just friends, Lena."
"Oh, is that what we're calling it these days?"
He shot her a glare. "I'm 15 years older than her."
"So? You act like you're still 35."
Jack laughed at that. "I'm not sure if that's an insult or a compliment."
"A little of both." She shrugged. "I'm just saying I haven't seen her this happy since she started here. The last couple of months have really turned her around."
"She does smile a lot more," he admitted.
"Yeah, especially when you're around."
It wasn't that Jack hadn't noticed, he'd simply refused to consider that you were as interested in him as he was in you. He didn't want to deal with the heartbreak if it turned out he was wrong. "I enjoy her company."
Lena raised a brow. "And that's all?"
"That's all I'm gonna admit to," he teased as he walked off, seeking out your gaze across the room.
You felt Jack's eyes on you, and when you turned to look at him, you shot him a brilliant smile that made his chest ache with want. You were so unnervingly beautiful and you had no idea what you did to him with a simple look.
"How's the new kid doing?" he asked as he reached your side.
You'd sent the intern off with Ellis moments earlier. "She's doing really well. Smart kid. I think she'll be a great doctor someday."
"Hmm," he hummed. "And you? How's your night going?"
"No complaints."
He could hear something in your voice that gave him pause, a slight sadness he was certain he wouldn't have been able to pick up on a few months ago. "You sure, sweetheart?"
Your lips parted in mild surprise. You hadn't meant to let anything slip out, but here you were. "It's my little sister's birthday today."
Jack waited for you to continue, knowing full well that wasn't the whole story.
"She's turning 21."
"Big day."
"Yeah."
"Are you upset that you're not spending it with her?"
"Not really. She's a decade younger than me, but we used to be super close. We don't really talk anymore and I guess the distance is making me sad today. I sent her a text, but she hasn't responded."
"Do you wanna take a moment to call her?"
You looked at your watch. "I think she'd be pissed if I called her at 1am."
Jack chuckled. "It's her 21st--she's probably still awake."
"Probably best to wait until the morning, just to be on the safe side. But thank you."
"Nothing to thank me for."
You laid a hand on his arm and squeezed. "You noticed what no one else did--even me. You deserve the thank you."
Jack blushed. "I notice everything about you."
The deep tone of his voice and the implications of his words made it hard for you to breathe, but you pushed down the rush of desire and offered him a warm smile instead.
"Dr. (Y/L/N)?" Ellis called, shattering the moment.
"Duty calls," you muttered softly as you pulled away from Jack.
He watched in silence as you walked away, heart heavy with the realization he could no longer lie to himself about his feelings. He was in love with you--completely head over heels, madly in love.
**********
Two weeks later, your world shifted on its axis.
The night had started off like any other--just a normal hand off from day shift, not too busy, but not boringly slow. Completely and utterly normal.
Claire, the night shift intern you'd been training since her arrival, had been helping Ellis up in triage for the last few hours. It was a little past midnight when she came and found you.
"Dr. (Y/L/N)?"
You turned away from Shen, offering Claire your full attention. "Hey, Claire. What do you need?"
"There's a patient in triage asking to see you."
"Is it someone I've seen before?"
"He said he was in here a couple weeks ago and you treated him for a fractured wrist?"
You couldn't remember having treated a fractured wrist lately, but to be fair, you'd seen a lot of patients in the last few weeks. You glanced up at the board. "Alright, go ahead and put him in South 3 and I'll be there in a second."
Claire nodded and headed off to collect the patient.
"I'll let Lena know you've got someone going to South 3," Shen offered.
"Thanks. I have zero recollection of treating a fractured wrist, but might as well take a look."
Shen shrugged. "I don't remember who I treated yesterday, let alone a couple weeks ago."
"That's concerning because you didn't work last night," you teased.
He laughed. "See? My memory is faulty."
You rolled your eyes, joining in with his laughter as you walked off towards the room you'd sent Claire to. When you opened the door and stepped into the room, the first thing you noticed was Claire's absence. You'd figured she'd be presenting the case, or at least talking to the patient.
The second thing you noticed was the patient, but not until you were less than a foot from the side of the bed. The second your eyes landed on the man, your vision narrowed and your ears began to ring. You barely heard him say your name over the blood rushing through your head.
Your feet were rooted to the spot. You couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't breathe. Time seemed to slow to a stop as you stared into the bright green eyes that haunted your nightmares.
"Ethan." His name slipped past your lips as little more than a breath, terror laced through each letter.
The smile that spread across his face could only be described as predatory--it was a smile you'd seen a thousand times, and you never liked what came after it.
You wanted to run, or scream, or just do something, but you couldn't. It felt as if your body wasn't your own.
"I've been looking everywhere for you," Ethan said darkly.
"How'd you find me?" you whispered. You hated how small you sounded, how terrified, but you couldn't seem to find your voice.
"Your sister's birthday was a couple weeks ago," he said instead of answering your question. "She always liked me, ya know. All I had to do was buy her a drink and she was spilling all your secrets like a songbird."
You closed your eyes tightly, hating how easily he'd managed to get to you. It wasn't your sister's fault, not really. She didn't fully understand everything that had happened with Ethan...all because you'd wanted to spare her the details. You regretted that decision now.
"If you hurt her..." you warned lowly.
"Oh c'mon baby girl, you know I'd never hurt her."
"Don't call me that," you snapped, the pet name finally forcing you to find your voice.
That predatory grin fell back into place in the blink of an eye. "Why not? As far as I'm concerned, you still belong to me. You didn't even have the decency to break up with me."
"Decency? Decency?! You wanna talk to me about decency? You beat me, Ethan. Regularly. You threatened to kill me if I left you. You nearly did! And you wanna talk to me about decency?!" The incredulousness in your tone seemed to awaken his anger.
"I wouldn't have had to do that if you'd listened to me," he growled. "You never listened."
You saw his hand curl into a fist and your heart began to slam against your rib cage as if it could free itself from your chest. You knew what would come next--what always came next.
Jack sauntered up to the central hub and stared at the board in silence for longer than was necessary.
"You waiting for the board to come alive?" Lena asked lightly.
To be honest, he hadn't really been reading it. His mind was elsewhere--he had a strange feeling in his chest, one he couldn't name. He'd felt it before though, in Iraq, seconds before an IED took his leg and nearly his life.
He didn't understand why he was feeling it now. As far as he knew, everything was fine. He was fine. He didn't have an explanation for why he felt this strange feeling along with a looming sense of dread.
"You alright?" Lena prompted.
Jack realized he'd been silent for too long. "Yeah, sorry. I'm just--in my head."
"Something happen?"
He shook his head. It had been an entirely normal shift thus far. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just another relatively calm Wednesday night.
That strange feeling seemed to suddenly grow stronger, wrapping itself around his heart and squeezing. Your name flew into his brain with no explanation, and he realized he hadn't seen you in a while.
"Where's (Y/N)?"
Lena's expression shifted to one of surprise, but she answered his question. "She's got a return patient in South 3. I imagine she's still in there."
Jack moved with shocking speed in the direction of the room Lena had indicated without a word. He didn't understand what he was feeling, but he knew he wouldn't be able to breathe properly until he was certain you were okay.
Jack reached South 3 and entered the room without knocking. In fairness, he wasn't in his right mind, not with the worry seeping into his bones.
He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw you standing beside a patient's bed, completely unharmed. At least until you turned to look in his direction.
The primary emotion on your face was surprise, likely at the way he'd barged into the room, but it was the obvious fear in your eyes that gave him pause. You weren't afraid of him...which only left one option.
"Sorry to interrupt," Jack said calmly, putting on his best professional voice. "I need to borrow Dr. (Y/L/N) for a moment, if you don't mind."
"I mind," the patient said instantly.
You swallowed thickly and continued to stare in Jack's direction, eyes practically screaming at him for help.
"That patient you saw earlier with the infection came back in. It appears to be spreading and I need your assistance." No such patient existed, but Jack was willing to do just about anything to get you out of that room.
You nodded. "Alright, I'll be right there."
You went to step away from the bed and Jack nearly lunged across the space when the patient gripped your forearm and held it tightly. You froze in terror, wincing at the pain of the man's grip.
Jack was by your side in an instant, hand braced against the patient's wrist. "Let go of her immediately," he growled lowly. "This hospital has a zero tolerance policy for abuse against the staff, so unless you want a broken wrist and a felony to accompany it, I suggest you take your hand off her."
To your surprise, Ethan released you, eyes narrowed in rage as you pulled away from him. "I'll be right back," you lied as you followed Jack out of the room.
The second the door closed behind you, Jack's arms were reaching out to catch you before you fell to the ground. "It's him," you gasped. "Ethan."
The name clicked in Jack's brain and he pulled you away from the door, half carrying you to the hub and sitting you in a chair. "I'm calling 911."
You didn't say anything, body going numb as the adrenaline began to wear off. You'd been so scared, even after Jack walked into the room. When you'd seen his face, your fear only grew. You realized you weren't just worried about your own safety, but Jack's as well.
You didn't even hear Jack on the phone with the police. You didn't hear him tell Lena or security what happened. You didn't acknowledge a single word he said to you, even when he dropped to his knees in front of you to try and get you to focus on him.
It wasn't until he pressed his palm against your cheek and slowly repeated your name that you were finally able to focus on the words coming out of his mouth. "Jack?" you whispered.
"I'm right here, baby," he murmured so softly you almost didn't hear him. "You're okay. I'm here."
Neither of you noticed the pet name that slipped from his lips. It felt natural in the moment, like he'd been calling you that forever.
Lena, who hovered nearby, heard every word, but she made no comment. She was simply grateful to see you start to return to yourself at Jack's soft persistence.
"You with me?" he asked softly.
"Yes," you murmured.
"Good. Just breathe for me, okay? Cops are on the way."
You nodded and he pulled himself back up with a small groan. He leaned back down to press his lips to the top of your head, not giving a damn who saw.
"Dr. Abbot." The security guard approached the two of you looking slightly worried.
"What's wrong?" Jack asked.
"The patient's gone."
"What do you mean, he's gone?"
"I mean, the bed's empty and he's not anywhere around. I think he probably slipped out right after you came out here."
"Shit," Jack grumbled.
You felt the fear sink back in. Knowing Ethan was here and that he knew where you were was terrifying enough, but not knowing exactly where he was? Infinitely worse.
Jack seemed to notice your impending tailspin and he focused back on you. "Hey, hey. Look at me, sweetheart."
Your eyes met his and you instantly felt more grounded than you had since this whole thing began.
"You're safe, okay? I won't let anything happen to you."
You wanted to believe him, really you did, but it was difficult given the circumstances. "What if he comes back? Or-or what if he follows me home? What if he knows where I live? Jack, I can't-"
"Just breathe, sweetheart," Jack interrupted in a soothing voice. "You can stay with me. I'll protect you."
You nearly broke down as his words washed over you. No one had ever made you feel as safe as Jack did and you'd never needed it more than in that moment.
Jack saw the tears spring into your eyes and he immediately wrapped you in a tight hug, letting your head rest against his stomach. He meant what he said--he'd protect you with his very life if he had to.
**********
The cops had come and gone, taking your statement along with Jack's before heading out to look for Ethan. His presence at PTMC had violated the lifetime order of protection you'd been given after he was convicted of two felonies involving violence against you.
Despite the convictions, Ethan's sentence had been minimal. The judge was an old family friend of Ethan's parents, and had been much more lenient on him than he deserved. Instead of the 15 plus years he should have gotten, he was given a 2 year sentence followed by 5 years of probation. It amounted to little more than a slap on the wrist.
An entirely different judge had determined the crimes committed against you warranted a lifetime order of protection--and it was all you had to defend yourself against Ethan. A piece of paper. A paper Ethan had violated as easily as breathing.
Despite your insistence you were fine to continue working, Jack had called Robby and asked him to come in to cover alongside Shen. His explanation had been brief and mostly unnecessary. The worry in Jack's tone had been enough for Robby to agree to come in.
It shocked no one that Jack so easily dropped everything to come to your aid--except you, of course. You didn't want to burden him with your personal shit, nor did you want him to be upset with you for being so needy. You were actively trying to convince him you were okay, but he simply wouldn't listen.
"I don't wanna be an imposition, Jack," you insisted. "I can stay in a hotel or--"
"I'm not letting you stay by yourself in a hotel, (Y/N). I already said you could stay with me and I meant it. You're not a burden or an imposition or any other negative thing you're thinking. I can't protect you if you're not with me, so I'm not leaving your side until that son of a bitch is in jail. Got it?"
His tone left zero room for negotiation of any kind. It was rare for Jack to speak with such finality, and it tugged on something deep in your chest. You knew he cared, of course you knew, but this? This was a man hellbent on protecting you. You'd never experienced anything like this before. Then again, you'd never met anyone like Jack before.
"Alright, alright. Fine," you conceded. "But we can at least stay for the rest of the shift, I don't want to make Robby come in when we're perfectly capable of handling the next 6 hours."
Jack's face told you exactly how much he disagreed with you, but before he could open his mouth to argue with you, the man in question walked up to the hub and dropped his backpack on a chair.
"No use in that now," Robby said in your direction. "I'm already here."
You started to argue, but Lena silenced you this time. "Honey, listen to Jack, okay? You need to go home. Get some rest. Tonight was more than a little traumatic."
If you were honest with yourself, you'd admit seeing Ethan had brought up things you'd thought were long buried. The fear you'd moved past, the paranoia you'd finally shaken off, the dread you'd managed to escape--all came rushing back the moment you'd met his gaze.
The most harrowing moments of your life had flashed through your mind like a movie you'd hoped to never see again. Ethan was the star of each of those moments--and your sobs and screams were the soundtrack.
No amount of therapy would ever erase those moments from your mind any more than the physical scars could be removed. You would always carry reminders of him with you no matter where you went. There were certain things even you couldn't outrun.
"C'mon, sweetheart," Jack's soft voice broke through your inner monologue. "Let's get you home, hmm?"
You had no fight left in you now, so you took his offered hand and let him lead you over to the lockers to gather your things. The two of you walked in silence to his car, opting to leave yours behind. It'd be safer to get it in the daylight hours when you could check it for tracking devices.
When the suggestion left Jack's lips, shock settled deep in your bones. Tracking devices hadn't even crossed your mind, but for some reason, the thought had occurred to him.
Jack saw the surprise on your face as he gently turned you to face him. "You told me he put a tracking app on your phone once, I don't want to run the risk of him having put one on your car."
You'd almost forgotten you'd shared that piece of information with him--it had been so long ago now. But Jack had remembered. Jack had remembered something so small, but turned out to mean so much.
He looked at you with such compassion, such empathy, it made it hard to hold his gaze. Your chest ached, the tightness almost unbearable. Underneath it all, you could feel how incredibly worried he was--worried for you. All you wanted was to ease his worry, free him from that feeling, but you couldn't find the words.
As it turned out, you didn't need words. Not with Jack. He never needed you to explain yourself--to speak when it was easier to simply feel.
He pulled you in close for a tight hug, resting his chin on top of your head as he held you. You sunk into his chest, tears filling your eyes for reasons you couldn't explain. Maybe it was the way he cared, all the little things he did to show it. Maybe it was how safe he made you feel--the protective nature that seemed to surge in your presence. Or maybe it was that quiet, nameless emotion circling your heart...the one you were still too afraid to accept.
"You ready to go, sweetheart?" Jack whispered into your hair some time later.
You reluctantly pulled away from him, nodding your head as you quickly wiped the tears you couldn't stop from falling. Jack so desperately wanted to be the one to brush his thumbs across your cheeks, to wipe away the pain you couldn't seem to let go of, but he kept his hands at his sides--respectful as always.
"Could we stop at my place to pick some things up?" you asked. "I don't have pajamas or a toothbrush or--"
Jack shook his head firmly. "I have everything you'll need, and if I don't, I'll go get it. I don't want to run the risk of that bastard following us to my place."
You saw the logic in his words, but what really hit you was the way he so instantly offered to provide you anything you'd need. It was so like him, and so unlike Ethan. Not that there was any comparison between the two men other than a shared gender. Jack was everything Ethan wasn't--and you were beyond grateful for it.
"Thank you, Jack," you murmured quietly.
Jack shot you a look you couldn't quite read. "You never have to thank me." He opened up the passenger door to his truck and helped you in. When you opened your mouth to thank him again, he raised his brows. "What did I just say?"
You swallowed your words and released a soft chuckle. "What's wrong with thanking you for helping me?"
"I don't want you to think for even a second that I need anything from you, even a thank you. Everything I do for you, I do because I want to, not because I want something in return."
You were left in stunned silence as he shut the door and crossed over to his side of the vehicle. The words were so simple, but they held a deeper meaning that settled low in your gut, stirring feelings of desire like you'd never felt before.
Jack had no idea of the impact his words had on you. He didn't say them with any intent or ulterior motive other than conveying how much he cared. But the moment he climbed into the cab of his truck, he noticed the way you looked at him--wide eyes, parted lips, chest rising and falling much more rapidly than before.
It took him mere moments to recognize the desire in your eyes, and he couldn't help the responding smirk slowly spreading across his lips. "Something the matter, gorgeous?"
His teasing tone had your heart skipping a beat and your thighs clenching together as you quickly tore your gaze away from his face. Your cheeks began to heat up and you kept your eyes trained on the dashboard like it was the most fascinating thing in the entire world.
"N-no, I'm fine." You wanted to bash your head against the window when the pitch of your voice registered in your brain.
Jack suppressed a chuckle at your obvious lie, but he didn't push it. Not tonight. Not when you were still so fragile from what had happened earlier.
Jack opted to take a long route home, paying close attention to his surroundings, making sure no one was following. He wouldn't dare expose you to even the slightest risk of harm if he could help it.
When you arrived at Jack's place, you were more thankful than usual that his building was secure. The armed security guard inside the vestibule was actually a retired cop, and was always so very friendly every time you visited.
"Good evening, Dr. Abbot. I see you've brought my favorite doctor with you." The older man shot you a warm smile and a little wink that made you grin.
"Oh, George you wound me," Jack joked. "I thought I was your favorite doctor."
"You're my favorite doctor tenant," George replied.
The three of you laughed lightly before Jack's expression sobered. "Dr. (Y/L/N)'s going to be staying with me for a little while--I'm not sure how long."
George glanced at you, concern and curiosity evident in his gaze.
"My-uh, my ex is in town," you tried to explain.
Jack placed a gentle, but firm hand on your lower back, offering you comfort without even trying. "She's got an order of protection against him. Cops are out looking for him, but I need you to keep an eye out here just in case he comes looking for her."
George straightened immediately. "Do you have a picture?"
Jack looked at you, but you shook your head. You'd deleted every picture of Ethan long ago.
Jack quickly described Ethan's appearance, deferring to you for any additional input. You told George his name was Ethan and warned him that he was known to be violent.
"Don't worry, Dr. (Y/L/N), as long as you're here, you'll be safe." George sounded so sure and it warmed your heart to hear it.
"You can count on that," Jack muttered softly. He'd settled into that same protective stance from earlier, looking every bit like the military man he was.
"With both of you here, how could I not feel safe?"
Both men smiled at you before Jack escorted you properly into the lobby of his building. George gave you a small wave, which you returned before stepping into the elevator behind Jack.
Once you were safely inside Jack's apartment, your shoulders sagged in relief. You hadn't really been aware of the tension you'd been carrying for the last few hours, but the safety and security you felt in Jack's home highlighted just how much Ethan's presence had affected you.
"You hungry, sweetheart?" Jack called from the kitchen. "I can make you something."
It was well-past your "lunch" time, and your stomach rumbled the second Jack suggested food. "Starving--but I don't wanna make you cook anything. I can order takeout from that 24-hour Chinese place you like."
Jack's head popped out from the kitchen, a small smile on his face. "If you think for even one second I'm letting you pay for food, you're crazy."
You laughed. "It was just a suggestion."
"You should know by now not to suggest such things," he teased as he crossed the room. He slipped a single finger under your chin, tilting your head up to look at him properly. "How 'bout I order Chinese?"
You giggled lightly, heart hammering in your chest at his proximity. "Fine. You order it."
"That'a girl." He dropped his hand and turned away as he fished his cell phone out of his pocket.
In doing so, he missed the look of lust that crossed your face when those simple praising words left his mouth. You were thankful for it, quickly schooling your face into a more neutral expression. The last thing you wanted to do was try and jump the man's bones simply because he was being nice to you.
You settle onto the couch as Jack ordered food and grabbed you both drinks from the fridge. He collapsed beside you with a soft groan, immediately reaching to roll up his pant leg. He stopped halfway, as if he suddenly remembered you were there. He dropped the pant leg and settled back onto the couch.
You knew Jack's leg was likely hurting, even if he hadn't worked a full 12 hour shift. You didn't want him to be uncomfortable in his own home just because you were there. Sure you'd been here before, but only for a few hours and it had never really come up before.
"Jack," you murmured hesitantly, drawing his attention back to you. "You can take it off if it's bothering you. I don't want you to be in pain."
He knew you wouldn't care about his leg--or lack thereof--but he cared. At least he did when you were around. He wasn't sure if it was the age difference or simply the masculine need to be strong for your girl, but he resented the fact he wasn't able-bodied. He hated that he couldn't do certain things men your age could do--men with all their limbs.
It was irrational, sure, but he couldn't help it. "I'm alright." Even he could hear the lie in his voice, but he didn't take it back.
Normally, you wouldn't have pushed him, but something about the stress of the night made you want to soothe him in the same ways he'd soothed you.
So, you shifted closer to him, sliding your palm up against his cheek and turning his head to face you. "I know it hurts, Jack. So either you take it off, or I will."
His brows lifted and he immediately knew you were serious. There was no hesitation in your voice or your expression. You would absolutely drop to your knees and do it for him if he didn't take care of it himself.
He leaned into your hand with a soft sigh, eyes fluttering closed for a moment. "Alright, alright."
He sighed again as he leaned forward and resumed rolling up his pant leg. He moved with quick, practiced precision as he removed his prosthetic, along with the sock and sleeve. The relief was instantaneous and the sound that slipped from his lips would have been embarrassing if he'd realized he made it.
"Do you have a medicated cream?" you asked, trying to mask the way his little moan had affected you.
"Uh, yeah. It's-uh, it's in the bathroom."
You got up immediately and went to his bathroom to fetch it. You found it easily and when you returned to the living room, you dropped to the floor and opened the tube.
Jack inhaled sharply when he saw you on your knees and he reached out to grab your hand. "You don't have to--"
"I want to," you reassured him. "Let me take care of you."
He balked at the mere idea of you taking care of him--in his mind, he was the one who should be taking care of you, but the moment your soft hands began to massage the ointment onto his leg, all resistance left his body.
It shouldn't feel this good, but your hands were so gentle and your gaze so intent, he couldn't help the surge of need deep in his gut. He bit back a groan that would have been horrifically out of place in the setting. He had to remind himself you were being nice--helping him because you were a doctor and that's what you did.
"There," you proclaimed with a gentle pat. "All done."
He forced his hands to remain in his lap instead of reaching for you while you pulled yourself back to your feet. He matched the warm smile you sent him, heart clenching as you moved back towards the bathroom to put the cream away and wash your hands.
When you came back out, Jack had turned on the TV to distract himself from the softness of the moment you two had just shared.
"Do you mind if I take a quick shower before the food arrives?"
He turned to look at you with a soft expression. "Of course. Extra towels are in the linen closet and you can grab whatever you need from my drawers."
"Are you sure? I don't wanna--"
"Sweetheart, if you make me say it's not an imposition one more time..."
You giggled softly at his firm tone, throwing your hands up in mock surrender. "Alright, alright. I just wanna make sure."
"Well quit it and go take whatever you need." Anything of mine is yours to take, he thought to himself. You already have more than I thought I'd ever be able to give again.
You gave him a small smile and muttered a thank you before retreating back to his bedroom. He watched you go, chest tightening as he thought about how badly he wished he could do more for you--help you in all the ways he wanted to.
He knew he shouldn't want you like this--shouldn't even be thinking about you in any way other than platonically, especially after the particularly stressful evening you'd had. Yet, the moment he heard the shower turn on, he couldn't help but picture you slowing striping out of your scrubs and stepping into the warm spray. He wanted to see every inch of you, wanted to touch every inch of you.
He'd known it for a while now, but he'd refused to acknowledge it. This love he held in his heart for you threatened to overwhelm him with each passing day--each moment that crept by without him admitting his feelings aloud. He wanted so desperately to pour his heart out to you, but he didn't want to pressure you or take advantage of your state.
He heard the knock on his door signaling the arrival of the food mere seconds before the water shut off. He pulled himself up with a groan, grabbed the crutches that leaned against the arm of the sofa, and hobbled his way to the door. He tipped the delivery man generously before closing the door and setting the slightly excessive amount of food out on the counter.
He was pulling out some plates and cutlery when you appeared in the kitchen doorway, hair still wet from your shower. Jack nearly had a heart attack when his eyes landed on you. You'd donned an old Army shirt of his that hung low on your thighs and a pair of sweatpants that were most certainly too big for you. Objectively there was nothing sexy about the outfit, but as far as he was concerned, you'd never looked better.
"Jack?" The way you said his name told him you'd definitely said it more than once already.
"Hmm?"
"You okay?" He could hear the light teasing tone in your voice. "You're staring."
"Can't help it," he admitted softly. "I like seeing you in my clothes."
Your heart skipped a beat at his admission. You realized subconsciously you'd wanted him to appreciate you in his clothes...to look at you the very same way he was looking at you now--like he wanted to devour you.
The deep red blush across your cheeks and down your neck was enough to force his gaze away from you. He didn't want to embarrass you any more than he already had. He'd said too much.
You saw the moment he seemed to regret his word choice and it spurred you towards him. You rested a soft hand against his forearm, voice quiet as you tried to reassure him. "I like wearing them."
His head snapped in your direction, keen eyes searching your face for any sign of deception. "Yeah?"
You smirked. "Yeah."
For the briefest of moments you thought he was going to lean in and kiss you. Instead, he set the plates down on the counter and gestured to the veritable feast laid out before you. "Dig in, sweetheart. I may have ordered a little more than necessary."
Your stomach rumbled before you could formulate a verbal response, earning a laugh from both of you. "Since you bought so much, we can't let it go to waste."
You loaded up your plate with far more food than he thought you could eat. You shot him a cheeky wink as you carried it to the small table and set it down. You returned to the kitchen, reaching to take his now-full plate from his hand.
"I got it," he insisted.
"Let me help you, you stubborn man."
His jaw slackened slightly at your retort, the expression shifting into a small smile as you took the plate from his hand and carried it to the table. He'd forgotten what it was like to have someone care about him--to help him do the things average people took for granted.
A part of him was resentful that you had to help him. That he needed it at all. The emotion must have shown on his face, because you offered him the gentlest of reassurances.
"I know you're perfectly capable of doing anything and everything yourself," you murmured, "but I want to help you. I want to make things easier for you. Not because I think you need it, but because you deserve it. Helping you makes me happy, Jack."
For a moment, you thought you'd said the exact wrong thing as his eyes filled with tears he refused to let fall. He blinked them away rapidly, turning his head to avoid looking at you.
Before you could apologize for overstepping, he spoke lowly, emotion clear in his voice. "I can't remember the last time I let someone help me." He looked up at you then. "Hell, I can't remember the last time someone wanted to."
You swallowed thickly. "I want to."
"Why?"
The question was so simple, yet the answer was complex. How could you explain what he meant to you? How could you put it into words? How could you tell him how grateful you were to have met him? How grateful you were for all the ways he cared for you?
In the end, the only acceptable answer you could give consisted of four words, "Because you deserve it."
His beautiful hazel eyes fluttered closed as he allowed your words to sink in. While he didn't necessarily agree with you, he couldn't bring himself to verbally disagree. Not when he could feel the sincerity in your voice.
Three words danced on the tip of his tongue, practically begging to be set free, but he swallowed them back. He couldn't say them yet. It wouldn't be fair to you.
You could see the inner turmoil he was experiencing very clearly drawn on his face and you wanted to ease it as best you could. Changing the subject seemed to be the simplest way. "Let's eat."
The smile he gave you was grateful and it made your heart ache. He lowered himself into his chair with a soft groan before digging into his meal.
"Do you want something to drink?" you asked.
"Shit," he muttered. "I should have offered you--"
"Don't you dare get up," you insisted when he reached for his crutches. "I can get a drink myself. I've been here enough times."
He chuckled softly as he watched you walk off to the kitchen. You had been there enough times...and yet it was never enough. Not for Jack.
"Water or beer?"
"Uh, water is fine." He wanted to be completely alert tonight. He told himself it was in case Ethan showed up, but deep down, he knew that wasn't the sole reason.
You came back a few moments later with two glasses of water. He thanked you and you smiled sweetly as you sat across from him. You dug into your food without a care, a cute little happy dance swaying your shoulders as you took the first bite.
Jack smiled affectionately. You were so damn adorable it was almost painful. He loved it. He couldn't remember the last time he felt like this. It had been so long since he'd allowed himself to feel love--to accept love in return.
He hadn't touched his food since that first bite, mind too preoccupied with thoughts of you. His eyes had been locked on you since the second you'd sat down, but he was completely unaware of it.
You set your fork down and gave him a quizzical look. "Do I have something on my face?"
He blinked rapidly before shaking his head with a soft chuckle. "Sorry, sweetheart. I was lost in thought."
"What were you thinking about?"
Before he could consider the ramifications of his response, the single word left his lips. "You."
You swallowed thickly as your breathing picked up slightly. "Me? What about me?"
"How incredible you are," he answered honestly. "How lucky I am to know you. H-how much I adore you." His cheeks reddened slightly, but he forced himself to maintain eye contact with you.
Your expression softened instantly, the sweetest smile curving the corners of your lips. "You're a real softy, you know that?"
He let out a dry chuckle. "Don't tell anyone. I have a reputation to maintain."
"I promise I'll keep your secret." Your eyes sparkled with mischief and something deeper. Something he didn't dare read into.
The two of you settled back into companionable silence as you continued to eat. But a question continued to nag at the back of Jack's mind--a question he wasn't sure you'd want to answer.
He decided to ask it anyway once you'd both eaten your fill. "Can I ask you something?"
You lifted your gaze to his, eyes still soft. "Of course."
"You said you were granted a lifetime order of protection against Ethan. What did he do to earn that?"
You were silent, almost painfully so. It wasn't that you didn't want to respond, you just weren't sure how to. You'd never told anyone outside of law enforcement, a judge, and your immediate family.
You knew you would have to tell him eventually no matter what--at least if you wanted this relationship to turn into something more. He'd see the evidence with his own eyes...better to tell him now than have to explain it later.
You were quiet for so long Jack began to think he'd overstepped. "You don't have to answer," he said quickly. "I'm not trying to push you--"
"I want to," you said in a small but firm voice. "I just need a second to collect my thoughts."
Jack was more than willing to give you all the time you needed. Even if you were never comfortable telling him, he wouldn't push. He cared about you too deeply to hurt you.
"Remember when I told you Ethan had threatened to kill me if I ever tried to leave him?"
Jack nodded.
"Well that was true, but it wasn't the whole truth." You took a deep breath in an attempt to steel your nerves. "He didn't just make the threat...he acted on it."
Jack's entire body went cold at your admission. He could hardly even breathe as he stared at you, trying not to imagine what you'd gone through.
"I'd started to gather the things I needed in secret. Things he'd long since taken from me and locked away. IDs, passports, money...that sort of thing." Your eyes met his, and he felt like he was reliving this with you. "He found out."
You stood up suddenly, turning your back to him without a word. Jack wasn't sure what was happening--if perhaps telling him this story was too much for you--but any words he may have said were stalled by your next move.
You grabbed the edges of the shirt you wore, took a deep breath, then pulled it off over your head. You clutched it close to your chest, shoulders tenser than normal as you heard his sharp inhale of breath. You knew exactly what he was seeing--what you saw every time you caught a glimpse of your back in the mirror.
Seven large, jagged scars marred the once-smooth skin of your back. Some were deeper than others, but it was evident none of them were superficial.
"He flew into a rage," you whispered. "He said he'd warned me--that it was my fault he had to do this." Your voice was shaky, but you forced yourself to keep going. "I tried to run, but I wasn't fast enough. He-he grabbed a knife from the kitchen. Serrated edge. Most of the wounds were deep cuts, but two were full stab wounds."
You heard Jack get out of his chair, but you were scared to turn around. Scared to see the look on his face. Scared to know what he thought of the scars littering your back.
Jack's heart was breaking as he stared at you--at the muscles riddled with tension, the slight shake in your shoulders when you spoke, and the scars a monster had inflicted on you for daring to defy him. He wished he could take away your pain, take away the memories that clearly haunted you. The best he could do was show you how loved you were now...
You felt his gentle hand brush against one of the scars just below your shoulder blade, the feeling sending shivers up your spine and stealing your breath.
He said nothing, but his soft touch and comforting presence grounded you enough to keep talking. "He thought I was dead, or at least close to it, so he got up off the floor and went to take a shower. I crawled across the living room floor all the way to the front door. It-it took every ounce of strength I had to lift myself enough to open the door and drag myself into the hallway."
Jack's hand shifted to another scar, caressing it in much the same way as the first.
"I-I didn't have the strength to do anything else," you admitted softly. "I'd lost a lot of blood and my vision was darkening--I knew I was going to die."
Jack breathed in shakily, but his hand never wavered in its gentleness. He'd moved onto another scar, hellbent on staying by your side as long as you needed his calming presence.
"My neighbor came home from work early. If he hadn't walked down the hallway when he did, I don't think I'd still be alive today." Tears had finally began to fall down your face as you relived the emotions of that day. "He carried me into his apartment and called 911. He later told me he couldn't leave me in the hallway for fear of Ethan finishing what he started. He-he saved my life."
Jack's lips pressed the softest kiss against your exposed shoulder. You could feel the warmth of his body behind you, making you feel safer than you'd ever felt.
"In the end, it didn't matter that Ethan had stalked me. It didn't matter that he'd beaten me and threatened me. It didn't even matter that he tried to kill me. He got two years, Jack. That's it. Two years in prison and five years probation."
Jack had to will the rage back down in his chest. He wouldn't let it consume him--not when you were so raw and vulnerable. He didn't want to frighten you. He didn't want anything he ever did to remind you of Ethan. Even if his anger wasn't towards you.
He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you back against him. He held on tightly--probably tighter than he should have, but he couldn't help it. He could have lost you before he'd ever even met you. The thought terrified him beyond belief.
"You deserve better, (Y/N/N)," he said softly, pressing a kiss into your temple. "He deserves 1,000 years in hell for what he did to you, and I'm sorry he's free. I'm sorry he's able to haunt your nightmares still. I can't change what happened to you. I can't erase the past. I can, however, promise you I will never hurt you. I'd rather die than be the cause of your pain."
Something snapped in your chest the moment he stopped speaking. You suddenly couldn't breathe--not without him. You needed him. You needed him like he was the oxygen your lungs so desperately craved.
You spun around quickly, surprising him for a moment before your lips crashed against his in a kiss so passionate you stole his breath away. He recovered quickly, pulling you in closer to kiss you back, deepening it with a hungry groan.
The shirt you'd been clutching to your chest fell to the ground between you, but you either didn't notice or didn't care. Jack's fingers brushed through your hair, tilting your head exactly where he wanted you. He couldn't bring himself to tear his lips away from yours--even when his lungs screamed for air.
You heard the clatter of his crutch fall to the floor and he tilted slightly into the table, now using it to support his weight. The angle was awkward and forced you to finally part, a soft chuckle leaving your lips.
"Damnit," he muttered in annoyance, shifting to hold himself upright. "I'm sorry."
You quickly realized the redness covering his cheeks and neck wasn't from the kiss--he was embarrassed. Embarrassed of the way it ended.
You stepped towards him and grabbed his chin, pulling his face up to meet yours. He half-expected you to make fun of him, even though he knew deep-down you would never.
Your gaze was full of affection as you took in his slightly swollen lips and the rapid rise and fall of his chest. "Don't you dare apologize for the absolute best kiss I've ever had."
His eyebrows quirked upward and the smallest of smiles started to tilt the corners of his lips. "Even with how it ended?"
You could hear the slight worry in his tone and you wanted desperately to squash it immediately. "We could've fallen into a heap on the floor and it still would've been the best kiss of my life. I'd happily spend the next 50 years letting you kiss me breathless, even if every single one of them ended like that."
While your words couldn't wash away years of insecurity in a single moment, they went a long way in assuring him you didn't care about his leg. It didn't matter to you that he couldn't do everything an able-bodied person could.
He couldn't describe the way your words made him feel. He couldn't verbalize the warmth that settled in his chest, nor the hope of a future he'd never thought he deserved.
Instead, three words tumbled from his lips in a heavy confession that seemed to stop the progression of time. "I love you."
It was your turn to look surprised, lips parting in shock at his admission. A split second of time passed during which your brain made some sort of irrational complaint that it was too early for such things, but you ignored it. You had to--your heart was screaming at the top of its proverbial lungs. It was seconds from beating its way out of your chest when you finally spoke.
"I've never loved anyone the way I love you, Jack."
His brain short-circuited as he tried to process your words. Somewhere deep inside him, he'd known all along you loved him too, but hearing it was something else entirely. He wasn't sure what he'd done to deserve you, but damn him if he wasn't gonna do everything in his power to prove he was worthy.
He pulled your face down to meet his as he sat back against the table, kissing you much sweeter this time. It wasn't about the passion, it was about the softness you showed him, and the softness he craved to show you in return.
The second your lips parted from his, he was chasing after you, a soft whine escaping him.
You giggled at his antics and took a step back, allowing him to see the front of your exposed torso. He was a gentleman through and through, and he would have kept his eyes on your face if you hadn't whispered, "It's okay to look."
He finally let himself look, taking in every inch of skin he could see. He wanted to touch you, not just look, but when he reached for you, you took a step back.
His eyes shot up to yours, worried for a moment you were upset--at least until he saw the sly grin on your face. "Baby..." he murmured, voice lower than you'd ever heard it.
Instead of answering, you went over and sat on the couch, not bothering to cover up. His much-too-big sweatpants hung dangerously low on your hips, making his mouth water as he watched you.
"You gonna join me?"
He groaned as he reached down to pick up his crutches. "You're gonna be the death of me."
"Isn't that half the fun?"
He shook his head with a small smile, eyes rolling affectionately. He made it all the way to the couch before stopping and cocking his head to the side as if a thought just occurred to him. "Ya know, I didn't shower after work, maybe I should--"
"Jack, I swear to god, if you don't sit down right now..."
He laughed heartily at your eagerness. "Alright, alright. Take it easy, gorgeous."
He lowered himself onto the couch, but before you could climb into his lap, he was sliding off the couch and onto the floor. He maneuvered himself carefully so he was kneeling in front of you.
"Jackie, no--" you gasped. "Your leg--your knees. I--"
"Hush, baby," he insisted, trying to ignore the way your nickname for him made his chest tighten. "I can handle a little discomfort to make my girl feel good."
While you loved hearing him call you his girl, you couldn't hide the concern in your eyes. Certainly not from him.
He reached up and brushed your hair away from your face. "Just let me take care of you. Please."
You quickly realized he was asking for more than just what his words said. He was pleading with you to allow him this moment of normalcy. To let him please you without you worrying about him.
"Okay," you whispered, nodding slowly.
He smiled at you, gaze deeply affectionate in a way that never ceased to make your heart skip a beat.
"Lift your hips for me, baby." He gripped the waistband of the sweatpants and tugged them swiftly down your legs. He let out a low groan of approval when his eyes met your glistening folds. He swiped his finger up between them, gathering the slick. "This all for me, sweet girl?"
You nodded rapidly, eyes wide, breathing erratic. "Only you."
He smirked. "That's what I thought." He brought his fingers to his lips, sucking your essence off each one, moaning at the taste. "Christ, I need more."
Before you could react, he was tugging your hips forward and spreading your thighs as far apart as possible. He dipped his head low, tongue slipping between your folds to taste you properly. A deep growl rumbled in his chest as he began feasting on you like you were his last meal.
"Fuck, Jack--" you moaned lewdly, hips rising to meet his mouth.
You felt him grumble something into your core before his hands gripped your hips, holding you firmly in place. He wasn't about to let you move without his permission.
The pleasure was so overwhelming, you didn't know what to do with yourself. Your head fell back against the back off the couch, one hand slid into his salt and pepper curls, and the other gripped the cushion beside you for dear life.
Jack was certainly not the first man to eat you out, but he was definitely the first one to do it like it was his purpose in life. His mouth wrapped around your clit, sucking hard as he slid a finger inside you, immediately curling it to press against the spongey spot on your upper walls.
Your nails scraped against his scalp and you moaned unashamedly, reveling in the sensations you were experiencing. "Pl-please--do-don't stop, Jackie."
He wouldn't dream of it, but he refused to stop his ministrations long enough to tell you as much. Instead, he added a second finger and continued coaxing you closer and closer to your high.
Your moans were louder than he'd imagined they'd be, but god if he didn't love every tiny sound your body made. Sounds he elicited. They only spurred him on--made him wonder exactly what you would sound like when you came. He was desperate to hear it.
You made the mistake of lifting your head to look down at the man between your legs. His eyes were already on your face, hazel gaze darker than you'd ever seen it.
Your grip on his hair tightened and you gasped in shocked pleasure. You couldn't bear to tear your gaze away from his, until the moment your mouth dropped into an 'O' shape and a soft cry tore from your throat as your orgasm shuttered through your body.
Jack moaned at your taste, the flood of juices coating his face and fingers, and the way your walls squeezed him so tightly. He wanted to be inside you so badly he ached. He couldn't remember the last time he was this painfully hard.
He finally allowed you to lift his head from between your legs as you squirmed away from him. "Sensitive, baby," you whined.
He grinned ear to ear as he pulled himself forward, grabbing your face to tug you in for a kiss. "Ya know I'd have stayed there all night if you let me," he murmured against your lips.
Your body shuddered with aftershocks at the thought. "I think you might kill me if I let you."
Jack chuckled lightly. "Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll stop when it gets to be too much."
Your eyes widened slightly, unsure if he meant too much for you or too much for him. You were quite certain those were two very different scales of measurement.
He saw the worry in your gaze and he smiled sweetly. "That's for later," he assured you. "Right now, I need to be inside you before I lose my fucking mind."
He pulled himself up onto the couch and you refrained from helping him even though you badly wanted to. This was one of the rare moments you allowed him to do everything himself--you didn't want to embarrass or emasculate him.
Though he didn't say anything, he was beyond grateful to you for letting him do it himself. There was so much he couldn't do in the bedroom anymore, and he was already self-conscious enough about it. He was fairly certain you'd never been with someone with only one leg before, and he'd be damned if he'd let you experience anything but the utmost pleasure from him.
As soon as he was comfortable, you climbed onto his lap with a cheeky grin. His hands came to rest on your hips and he matched your expression. "Hey pretty girl."
Your fingers danced along the bottom edge of his shirt. "Can I take this off?"
He nodded, allowing you to tug the shirt off over his head. Now, you'd been fully aware he was in shape. He worked out. His biceps had been a recurring star in your daydreams. But seeing him without a shirt on was a whole other level.
"Fucking hell, Jack," you muttered, fingers coming up to trace the lines of his pecs, down to his abdomen. He looked offensively good.
Jack smirked slightly. He could see the appreciation in your gaze and damn if it didn't boost his ego. "Everything okay there, sweetheart?"
"Why do you insist on hiding this body in shirts?" you grumbled, eyes still trained on his chest.
He laughed out loud. He couldn't help it. The look on your face, paired with your words was just too funny. He hooked a finger under your chin and tilted your head back up to meet his gaze. "It's typically frowned upon to not wear a shirt in public." His voice was teasing and affectionate, eyes playful.
"Well we're not in public," you huffed. "I don't think you should be allowed to wear shirts in the house."
He chuckled and shook his head. "If it makes you look at me like that, I'll burn all my shirts."
You grinned, eyes dipping back down to his admire his chest. "Your freckles are so pretty. I wanna kiss each one."
He inhaled sharply as you leaned forward, intent on doing just that. Your lips were so soft against his flushed skin, as you littered affectionate kisses across his body.
He marveled at your sweetness. At the gentleness of your touch. At the love pouring from your lips. It was almost too much for him to bear. He wasn't certain he could take much more of it--his heart felt ready to burst as is.
"Sweet girl?" he murmured, fingers brushing through your hair.
You lifted up your gaze to meet his. "Hmm?"
"You're killing me here."
You glanced down at the outline of his hard cock straining against the fabric of his cargo pants. "Oops..." you giggled.
He chuckled softly. "I meant with your sweetness, but that too."
You blushed deeply, his words affecting you more than you'd thought possible. "I love you," you breathed.
He inhaled a shaky breath and pulled your face towards his. "I love you too." He pressed his lips to yours, stealing what little breath remained in your lungs.
He brushed his tongue against your lips, and you parted them instantly to allow him entry. Your hips ground down against him almost absentmindedly, earning a sharp gasp into your mouth.
You loved the way his grip on you tightened, so you made the motion again, this time catching the seam of his pants against your clit. You moaned softly and your hands slid down his chest, suddenly unable to handle the barrier between you.
Your fingers worked on the button of his pants, and tugged down the fly. You broke the kiss to slide off his lap and onto the floor, slowly pulling his pants along with you.
You bit your lip slightly, gaze locked on the outline of his cock as you tossed his pants aside. You wasted no time tugging off his boxer briefs, launching them somewhere behind you.
Somewhere in the back of your mind, you'd been aware he was well-endowed when you were busy rutting up against him. Seeing his cock completely bare, however, was entirely different. He was certainly larger than normal, both in length and girth, but you weren't worried about it. This wasn't a book. He didn't have a beer can dick or something insane.
You wrapped your hand around him and he moaned softly, head falling back against the couch. You smirked at the instant effect you had on him. You leaned forward, intent on taking him into your mouth, but you got no farther than kitten licks on his tip before he was pulling you away by your hair. He was gentle but firm in his movements.
You whined pathetically, but he wasn't going to be swayed. "Sorry, baby, but if you get that pretty mouth on me, I'm not gonna last."
You pouted slightly, earning you an affectionate chuckle.
"C'mon up here baby. I promise I'll make it worth your while."
You settled onto his lap, hovering over his cock, mouth still tilted in a little pout.
"Don't be sad, sweet girl. I promise I'll let you suck me off another time." His voice was light and teasing, and it made the corners of your lips twitch just slightly. "I'm dying to feel your pussy, baby. I need it."
You finally let a smile take shape across your face. "Well since you're being so sweet, I suppose I could acquiesce."
"Acquiesce? Are we in a period film?" he teased.
You laughed softly. "Oh my god, just shut up and kiss me."
He obliged without complaint, lips pressed against yours in a tender kiss. You slowly rubbed your pussy against his cock, breath catching in your chest as the head brushed against your clit.
"Fuckin' christ," he groaned into your mouth. "Need you, baby. Now."
You had zero desire to deny him, so you slipped a hand between your bodies to grip him tightly. You lined him up with your entrance, looking up at him for confirmation.
"Take it at your pace, sweetheart."
You nodded and slowly lowered yourself onto his cock, moaning as he stretched you deliciously. His lips parted in pleasure as you took him inch by inch until you were fully seated on his lap.
You dropped your forehead against his, taking a moment to adjust to his size.
"You okay, baby?" he murmured against your lips.
You nodded. "Feels so good, Jack."
His hands settled on your hips, holding you steady without controlling your movements. "Ready when you are."
You rolled your hips, earning a sharp gasp from the man beneath you. You decided you were ready, so you placed your hands on his shoulders, using them as leverage as you began to ride him.
"Jesus Christ," he groaned. "So goddamn tight."
Your head lolled back, exposing your neck to his hungry gaze. He surged forward and attached his lips to the soft flesh, leaving bite marks he soothed with soft flicks of his tongue.
Your fingers tangled in his curls as you rode him, hanging onto him like he was the only thing tethering you to earth.
"Sweet girl, you gotta quit squeezing me like that," he groaned into your neck. "Not gonna last long like this."
"Isn't that the point?" you teased.
"Wanna make it good for you," he whined.
You tugged his head back just enough to see his eyes. "Baby, it feels incredible. You feel incredible."
He suddenly wished he'd left his prosthetic on so he'd have the proper leverage to fuck you the way he wanted to.
As if you could read his mind, you shook your head and said, "Does it feel good, Jackie?"
"You feel like fucking heaven," he whispered honestly.
"Then get out of your head and just enjoy it."
He had enough strength to get a good roll of his hips in, using his only leg to stabilize himself enough for that single thrust. He gripped the back of your head tightly and slammed his lips against yours in a hungry kiss. "God, I fucking love you."
Your walls spasmed around him as if the words went directly to your core. You moaned into the kiss, feeling your orgasm start to creep up on you. "I love you too, Jack."
He could tell your body was nearing another orgasm--could feel it in the tension lining your shoulders and the way you were squeezing him for dear life. He slipped a hand between your bodies, fingers finding your clit with ease.
You gasped as a wave of pleasure crashed into you, nails digging into his shoulders as you held on. "Right there, baby," you pleaded.
"I've got you," he promised, lips pressing into the underside of your jaw. "I've got you."
Your legs had begun to burn, but you didn't stop--couldn't stop. You were chasing his high as much as your own. Your moans became more frequent and your body began to shake around him.
"Shit--" he gasped. "Baby, I'm so close."
You were squeezing him unbelievably tightly, requiring every ounce of self control he had to keep from coming too soon.
"D-don't stop," you gasped.
His fingers continued to massage your clit, providing the perfect amount of stimulation to force you over the edge.
You came with a desperate cry of his name, pussy spasming around him as he rolled his hips one last time, filling you with his seed as he moaned your name like a prayer.
He held you tightly through the aftershocks, whispering sweet praise as you slowly came down from your high. "You did so well for me, baby. So fucking perfect."
"Jackie," you mumbled, arms wrapping tightly around him, head settling against his shoulder.
"I'm right here, sweetheart. I've got you." He rubbed your back affectionately, ignoring the cum oozing from you and onto his thigh. "Just breathe for me."
You did as he told you, lying against his chest until you'd managed to catch your breath and your heart rate returned to normal.
"You okay, sweetheart?" he murmured affectionately.
"More than okay," you assured him, pressing a kiss to his jaw.
"Think you can get up so I can get you cleaned up?"
You groaned softly. "Don't wanna move."
He chuckled. "I know, baby, but I can't leave you a mess."
You sighed and pulled back, so you could look into his soft gaze. "You're too good to me."
He rolled his eyes. "It's the other way around, my love."
Your pretty eyes widened slightly and you inhaled a shaky breath. It took Jack half a second to realize you liked the sound of those words.
He offered you the warmest smile you'd ever seen grace his handsome features. "C'mon beautiful, time for a shower."
You grumbled under your breath, but you managed to pull yourself into a standing position. Your legs were slightly shaky, but you refused to let him see it. You reached down and grabbed his crutches, handing them to him with the softest smile.
"Thanks, sweetheart."
You could tell he didn't want you to see him struggle to get off the couch, so you offered him an out. "How 'bout I go start the shower, hmm?"
"That'd be perfect," he murmured, relieved.
He watched you walk towards the bathroom, looking a smidgen drunk with the way you were walking. He felt pride bloom in his chest, sitting right alongside the love he'd been carrying for longer than he'd realized.
A few minutes later, Jack joined you in the shower, settling onto the shower seat he'd had installed when he remodeled the bathroom.
You were so gentle with him as you cleaned him up, ignoring his protests that he was supposed to take care of you. "We can take care of each other," you insisted.
He must have decided it was an acceptable compromise because he finally relaxed and let you wash his hair and body, taking your time to show him love and affection along the way.
As soon as you were finished, you allowed him to do the same for you, even lowering yourself to sit in his lap so he could wash your hair.
"I love you," he murmured as he finished rinsing the suds from your body.
You turned to look at him, gaze soft. "I love you too."
You were both quiet as you dried off and prepared for bed. To say you were exhausted would be an understatement. So many things had happened tonight and your brain was still processing all of it.
As you crawled into Jack's warm bed, you couldn't help but think about the fact that Ethan was still out there somewhere. That you weren't safe until he was found.
Jack could see the tension in your body as he settled down beside you, tugging you into him and pressing a kiss to your shoulder. "I'm right here," he whispered. "You're safe."
You didn't know how he knew you were spiraling, but he did. He knew exactly what to say to ease your worried mind. He'd always been able to do that...even before you knew you loved him.
"Thank you, Jack. For everything."
"What did I say about thanking me?" he teased.
You glanced over your shoulder with a flat look.
He laughed and kissed your nose, making the corners of your mouth curl ever so slightly. "You're welcome, my love. For everything."
You allowed a full smile to warm your face as you kissed him softly. "Goodnight, Jackie."
"Goodnight, (Y/N/N)."
You weren't out of the woods yet. You weren't home-free. But you'd never felt safer than you did in Jack's arms, and for now, that would have to be enough.
Series Summary: You're a new attending just starting at PTMC. Day one on the job you meet Dr. Robby and you're instantly smitten, despite the 17 year age gap. As it so happens, he might be more than a little interested in you, despite his better judgment.
Warnings: cursing, use of pet names, age gap (reader is 33, Robby is 50)
A/N: Direct continuation of Part Four.
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Six | Part Seven (Pending)
The clock read 7:00pm. You'd been ready for almost 45 minutes and Robby wasn't even coming to get you for another 30. You weren't sure whether it was the nerves or the excitement, but you'd gotten ready in record time. Now you just had to sit here with your anxiety and try not to think about what tonight would bring.
How would your relationship with Robby change after this? It was just drinks--friends could get drinks together and it wouldn't mean anything special. In your heart, you knew Robby hadn't asked you to get a drink with him as a friend, but that didn't stop your brain from asking 1,000 questions it couldn't possibly answer.
You glanced down at the pretty black dress you'd chosen and wondered once again if it was too much. Maybe you should just wear jeans? It was just drinks, after all. Would you be over dressed? What if it wasn't a date and Robby was weirded out by you dressing up?
You walked over to your full length mirror, took out your phone, and snapped a photo, sending it to Santos without hesitation.
You: Is this too much?
Santos: For your hot date with Dr. Robby? The only problem I see is that you're wearing too much clothing. 😜
You: I'm serious, Trinity. Is it too much? Should I change? Maybe I should just wear jeans.
Santos: Don't you dare change. You look hot as hell.
You: Are you sure? I don't want him to think I think this is a date if it's not a date...
Santos: Of course it's a date. Dude is obsessed with you. Anyone with eyes can see that. Wear the dress.
You sighed quietly as you hearted her message and went back to staring at yourself in the mirror. Objectively, you did look good. The dress was extremely flattering without being overly revealing, your heels were simple so as to not have aching feet after 5 minutes, and your hair and makeup was perfect.
Normally, confidence was not something you struggled with, but your nerves were eating you alive. If you were going out with anyone else, none of this would matter. You'd wear the dress without hesitation because it was cute and you looked good in it. But with Robby? Well, it felt like everything was infinitely more important. His opinion of you was more important.
You decided to take Trinity's advice and wear the damn dress. You looked too good to not wear it...and you had no idea what you'd wear if you did want to change. Wearing scrubs everyday meant your wardrobe wasn't exactly diverse--you weren't even sure you had a cute top to pair with jeans anyway.
You took one last look in the mirror and released a slow sigh. "I think this is as good as we're gonna get," you muttered to yourself.
Two minutes later, there was a knock on your apartment door. You looked at the clock in surprise--it was only 7:20. You went to the door and peered out the peephole, spotting Robby staring at the ground and swaying back and forth slightly.
You took a deep breath and pulled the door open with a smile. "Hi."
Robby's head snapped up and his lips parted, an apology or a greeting on them, but whatever he'd been about to say left his brain the second his eyes landed on you.
"You look beautiful," he murmured reverently, eyes wide as if the words had been pulled from his chest without thought.
Your cheeks reddened, but your smile never dimmed. "Thank you. It-It's not too much?"
"God, no. It's perfect." You're perfect, he silently added. "Sorry I'm early. I guess I overestimated the time it would take to get here."
In reality, he'd been so eager to see you, he'd arrived 20 minutes early, but chose to sit in the car for at least 10 minutes in case you were still getting ready.
"Luckily I'm ready to go." Your eyes scanned his form, appreciating the look of his body in something other than scrubs (though he looked damn good in those). He'd chosen a dark, almost black, pair of jeans, coupled with a deep green quarter zip sweater that somehow made his eyes pop. "You, uh, you clean up very nice."
He smirked, but the slight pink hue to his cheeks belied his sheepishness. "Not nearly as well as you do."
You laughed lightly, waving him off with an even deeper blush.
He stuck out his arm, offering it to you as he asked, "Shall we?"
You swallowed thickly and slipped your hand around his arm, allowing him to escort you out the door. "So where are we going?"
"It's a surprise."
Fifteen minutes later, Robby pulled up in front of an unassuming building you'd most certainly have driven right by. "Um, what is this?" you asked tentatively.
Robby shot you a smile and jumped out of the car, coming around to help you out of the passenger side. "Do you trust me?"
You nodded hesitantly. This looked like the kind of place you'd take someone to murder them, but you were fairly certain Robby had no intentions of killing you.
You took his arm again and he led you to the door. When he opened it and you stepped through, you were met with a secondary door. It was old and wooden, and it looked entirely out of place in such a plain, modern building.
Before you could say a word, Robby rapped his knuckles three times against the door. A small window appeared and a deep voice intoned, "Password?"
"Firefly," Robby responded.
The small window slammed shut and the door opened, allowing both of you to enter. The moment you did, your breath left you in a soft gasp. You could only describe it as entering a completely different world. It felt like you'd walked into the pages of a storybook from the early 1900s.
You looked around the dim, cozy space, taking in the beautiful wood accents, dark paint, lit fireplaces, and decadent furniture reminiscent of the 1920s. The bar itself was a gorgeous piece of antique furniture that looked like it had been taken straight from an old bar in Chicago. Even the lighting and artwork adorning the walls was old-fashioned and beautiful.
"It's a speakeasy," you whispered to yourself, awe evident in your voice.
"It is indeed," Robby murmured from your left.
You turned to look at him with wide eyes and a bright smile on your face. You had no idea how he'd known this place would be exactly your vibe, but you were so grateful he brought you here and not some noisy downtown bar.
"It's so beautiful, Robby."
He smiled warmly, eyes taking in just how elegant you looked in the soft lighting. He'd thought you'd looked beautiful when you'd opened the door to your apartment, but he was now certain you'd never looked more beautiful than in this moment.
"Would you like a drink?" he asked softly.
"I'd love one." Your nerves had settled somewhat, but you figured you could still use a bit of liquid courage to ease your racing mind.
He guided you to the bar and ordered an old fashioned, while you opted for a house-specialty drink the bartender recommended. As you waited for your drinks, your eyes continued to scan the room, now focused on deciding where to sit.
Instead of traditional tables or booths, the speakeasy contained small sofas and a variety of wing-backed arm chairs, all of which looked incredibly comfortable. There was one fireplace towards the back of the room with two chairs directly in front of it--and you decided instantly it was the perfect spot.
Robby's gaze followed yours and a small smile warmed his handsome face. He leaned forward to murmur in your ear, "Why don't you go snag those chairs for us, hmm? I'll bring your drink when it's ready."
His warm breath against your neck and the smooth rumble of his voice sent shivers down your spine, along with a spark of need straight to your core. You'd jolted slightly when he'd started to speak and you were incredibly thankful for the dim lighting--it helped to hide the deep red that was most certainly darkening your cheeks.
Robby noticed the subtle change in your breathing, along with the subtle movements of your body, a smirk settling onto his face. He chuckled softly when you merely nodded your head before practically bolting to the back of the room and dropping unceremoniously into one of the chairs by the fireplace.
That was his first real indication that you were nervous, and also that he did have an effect on you in the same way you had one on him. He'd already dispelled himself of any concern over the age difference between you, but that moment wiped away any shred of doubt that the gap didn't bother you.
You took a deep breath as you waited for Robby to join you, feeling more than a little embarrassed for the awkwardness of your reaction to him. You had to remind yourself this was Robby--you knew him. There was no reason to feel awkward or uncomfortable. Who cares if you're madly in love with him? As long as you didn't blurt out those words tonight, you'd be fine.
Robby joined you a few minutes later, handing you a drink you took from his hands with a grateful smile. You reminded yourself to take a sip, instead of the gulp you were desperate for.
"How did you find this place?" you asked lowly, opting for a neutral topic to break the silent tension.
"Jack and I came here when they first opened about five years ago. He'd heard about it and thought the idea was cool, so he dragged me along with him. It's become a favorite of mine."
You could easily picture Robby lounging in one of the chairs, sipping his drink and people-watching, or perhaps even reading a book. The speakeasy didn't seem as much like Jack's vibe and you had a hard time picturing him in the space.
"Well, I'm glad he introduced you to it," you murmured. "Thank you for bringing me here."
Robby smiled. "I'm glad you like it. I-I thought it might suit you."
You matched his smile and took another slow sip of your drink.
"So..." Robby began. "Umm...tell me something about you I don't already know."
You laughed lightly, the sound like music to his ears. "Why is it suddenly so much harder to talk when we're outside of work?"
He chuckled. "Well, I imagine the setting factors in, not to mention the...activity itself."
Confusion settled onto your features. "Activity? You mean drinking?"
He shook his head. "Not quite. I was actually referring more to the um, well the purpose of the night."
Your brows furrowed. "And what is the purpose, exactly?"
He groaned softly, the sound shooting straight between your thighs. "You really gonna make me spell it out?"
You simply nodded, eyes never leaving his face.
"I-I asked you out," he explained. "On a date. Because I like you. A lot. More than I should, actually."
You inhaled sharply and your cheeks darkened with heat. "I was hoping this was a date," you murmured softly.
Robby grinned--a wide, beautiful grin that lit up his whole face. "You were?"
You bit your lip and nodded.
"It-it doesn't bother you that, well, that I'm older?"
Surprise lit up your face. "Of course not." In reality, that hadn't ever really been on your list of reasons why wanting him was a bad idea. "To be honest, I was more worried about you technically being my boss."
"The thought crossed my mind too, but we're both adults. As long as I don't give you any special treatment, then there's no harm."
You smiled, already feeling infinitely more relaxed than you had five minutes prior. "Well, now that we got that out of the way..."
He laughed. "I suppose I should have clarified when I asked you out."
"I was honestly too nervous to ask."
"I'm just relieved you said yes. Especially after everything..."
"Hey," you murmured, reaching out to gently place your hand on his forearm. "I already forgave you for all of that. It's in the past."
A small smile spread across his lips. "I know. I just--well, I just don't wanna mess this up."
"We'll figure it out together," you assured him.
"Together."
**********
You and Robby spent the next several hours just talking. Talking about anything and everything, getting to know each other on a deeper level.
You learned more about his childhood, what made him choose to be a doctor, how he decided to specialize in emergency medicine. He talked about his beloved mentor, his friendship with Abbot, and how hard the last few years had been.
He learned more about your life, about being raised by a single mother and the pain of losing her, about her cancer diagnosis changing the trajectory of your life. You’d never intended to be a doctor, in fact, you were already in college for a completely different degree when she was diagnosed. You changed to pre-med within a month.
You talked about her remission and the day you found out the cancer was back. You talked about your decision to move to Pittsburgh and how you never thought you’d fit in so quickly. How grateful you were to all the Pitt staff—how blessed you felt to have them in your life.
“I, uh, I certainly never expected to meet someone like you. Definitely not this quickly,” you admitted softly.
“I never imagined I’d meet someone that makes me feel the way you do at this point in my life. I kind of just figured I was destined to be alone,” he murmured. “I know it’s probably much too soon to say something like that—"
“It’s not,” you interjected immediately, making his eyes widen in surprise. “It’s not.”
He smiled warmly, the expression deepening the crinkles at the corners of his eyes you loved so much. “I adore you,” he said so softly the words almost didn’t reach your ears.
“The feeling is mutual,” you assured him.
“So…what do we do now?” he asked with a chuckle.
You laughed with him. “Well I guess we have to talk about what we want from each other—what our expectations are and all that.”
“Why does it feel so weird to do this at our age?”
“Our age? Easy there, old man,” you teased.
“Oh hey now, sweetheart. You’re the one that likes this old man.”
You grinned. “Maybe a little.”
He chuckled softly and gave you a look that told you he saw right through you.
“Alright fine. A lot. It’s not my fault you’re so damn likable.”
“I don’t think anyone’s ever called me likable before.”
You rolled your eyes. “Probably because you never let anyone in. One glimpse at the man underneath all the gruffness and deflective humor, and it’s not hard to see how incredible you are.”
His expression slipped into slight disbelief. “I don’t know about all that.” He scratched the back of his neck and looked away from you.
Instinct took over and you reached across to lift his chin, angling his face back to you. “I do. I see you, Robby. I always have. I think it’s why I still wanted you even when I wanted to hate you.”
“I think it’s possible you see something I don’t,” he whispered.
Your hand shifted to caress his cheek affectionately. “I see a lot of things you don’t.”
He leaned into your palm almost instinctively. “Like what?”
“Like the way you put everyone before yourself even to your own detriment. Or the way you defend your patients like they matter to you—like they’re more than strangers in need. I see how much you care—really care. I think you love more deeply than you’d ever admit and it’s the real reason you keep people at arm’s length. It’s easier to pretend you’re incapable of commitment than to admit you don’t want to be alone.”
Robby stared at you in shocked silence before grabbing your hand from his cheek and holding it tightly in his own. “I think I’m scared of you,” he admitted. “How could you possibly know any of that?”
You shrugged. “I pay attention, Robby. Anyone who pays enough attention can see all the things you try to hide.”
“I don’t think anyone else has ever paid that much attention, sweetheart.”
“I’m more than happy to be the first.”
He chuckled softly and shook his head. “What did I do to deserve you?”
“I’m pretty sure I just gave you a list,” you teased.
"I think I might be in need of a little more convincing before I believe you fully."
You smiled warmed. "I think I can help with that."
**********
You weren't sure if it was the drinks or the conversation that left you feeling warm and bubbly by the time Robby dropped you back off at your apartment, but you found yourself reveling in the feeling either way.
Robby, ever the gentleman, walked you all the way back to your door. He'd be lying if he said he didn't hope you'd invite him in, and as much as you wanted to, you knew you couldn't. Not yet.
"Thanks for tonight," you said softly as you leaned against your doorway, just inside the threshold.
"I'd really like to do it again," he admitted. "Maybe dinner next time? If-if you want."
He seemed almost shy as the words left his lips and damn if it didn't do something to your heart. "I'd love to."
God, what you wouldn't do to see him smile like that every day. He looked beautiful when that sweet smile of his lit up his face--not that you'd ever tell him that. You were fairly certain he wouldn't be a huge fan of being called 'beautiful'.
"After work on Thursday?"
A small thrill went through your body--it was already Tuesday, and he wanted to see you again in two days. "It's a date."
He grinned. "I'll take you anywhere you wanna go."
"Surprise me. After tonight, I have faith in your choices."
He matched your smile for a few seconds before his gaze dropped to your lips, then back up to your eyes. Your breath caught in your chest at the implication, and you silently begged him to just do it.
Robby took a small step towards you, leaving less than a foot of space between you. When you didn't back away, he lifted a hand to brush your hair back out of your face. His thumb traced across your cheekbone, down the line of your jaw, before coming to a stop against your neck.
"May I?" He whispered the words like he was asking for permission to worship you.
You found yourself utterly unable to say no, even if you'd wanted to. "Please."
Robby never thought he'd have the honor of hearing you beg him for anything, but fuck if it didn't make him want you more. Despite the desire coursing through him, he was slow to close the distance between you, lips pressing against yours tentatively at first.
It was cliche to say sparks flew when his lips met yours, but it wasn't inaccurate--not for you. It felt right, like he was always meant to kiss you, like he was meant to be yours.
His arm snaked around you, large hand splaying across your back as he tugged you closer to him, pulling you flush against his body as his lips pressed more firmly into yours. Your arms wrapped around his neck to hold him, fingers twining in the hair at the base of his neck.
His beard scratched against your skin in the most delicious way--sending images of beard burn in other places on your body flashing through your mind.
Robby kissed you like he was breathing you in, like he was learning you. You'd been kissing for what felt like hours when his tongue finally brushed against your lips, a silent plea for entry that you granted without hesitation.
As the kiss deepened, soft sounds of enjoyment slipped from your mouth directly into his. His hands tightened on your body, pulling you impossibly closer.
You couldn't breathe, couldn't think, not with the way he surrounded you. All you could feel was Robby and you were lost in him. Completely, utterly, hopelessly lost. As it so happened, he was lost in you just as thoroughly.
Your lungs began to burn as the need for oxygen surged within you, but you still couldn't bring yourself to pull away. Robby's tongue left your mouth, lips slowly pulling away from yours to inhale desperately.
His forehead dropped to yours as his ragged breaths mixed with yours. Neither of you said a word as you tried to catch your breath, neither willing to create even the slightest bit of space between you.
You never wanted to leave his arms, but you knew you had to. You finally took a step back, creating a few inches of space between you that hadn't been there before.
Robby's brown eyes were dark with lust, pupils blown wide as he watched you. "You're so beautiful," he whispered. "It hurts to look at you."
The sweetness of the compliment was overshadowed by confusion as you tried to understand what he meant.
The furrow of your brows told him you didn't understand, so he clarified by adding, "It's like looking at the sun--you're so beautiful it physically hurts to witness."
If you were capable of melting into a puddle on the floor, this would have been the moment it happened. No one had ever said something like that, given you a compliment so generous.
You didn't have a response to his words--not a verbal one anyway. Instead you pulled his face back down to yours and kissed him sweetly. It wasn't a passionate kiss, but it was no less loving.
"I wanna invite you in," you murmured. "Trust me, I do...but I can't."
Robby nodded. "It's okay, sweetheart. I can wait."
"I just-I don't wanna do casual, and I can't just be a notch in your bedpost."
Robby looked taken aback. "Do you really think I'd do that to you?"
"Not on purpose," you say quickly. "But, well-you do have a reputation."
He sighed, knowing you were right. He did have a reputation and it wasn't exactly complimentary. "I know. I know."
His tone was low. Quiet. And it knocked something loose in your chest. "I don't wanna fuck this up, Robby."
"Neither do I."
"Can we-I mean, is it okay if-if we take it slow?"
"Honey, we can take it as slow as you need. I'm not going anywhere."
You couldn't explain why, but you believed him--seven-week-itch be damned.
Robby leaned down and brushed his lips against your forehead before stepping back. "Goodnight, (Y/N/N)."
The smile that crossed your face was so soft it made his chest ache. "Goodnight, Robby."
You watched him walk down the hall towards the elevators until he was out of sight. Only then did you have the strength to force yourself to shut the door.
**********
Three dinner dates. Scratch that. Three perfect dinner dates. Three truly incredible amazing dates with your--well, you hadn't exactly labeled your relationship yet.
Robby was perfect, at least in your eyes. He was going out of his way to do everything right. He wanted to impress you, but more importantly, he wanted to ensure you knew exactly how he felt about you. There could be no doubt in your mind that he loved you and he'd be damned if he didn't make sure of it.
As perfect as each of the dates had been, you still hadn't moved past kissing. It wasn't that you didn't want to, because fucking hell you wanted to, but you were so scared of getting hurt.
It was stupid, you knew it was. Robby was doing everything right, and yet you couldn't get his reputation out of your head. Seven weeks was his longest relationship with a coworker. Seven. What if you didn't make it past that mark? What if this thing you were trying to build couldn't stand the test of time? You weren't sure you could bear losing him. And that scared the shit out of you.
You'd never been the kind of woman to be reliant on a man. You didn't need anyone or anything, but for the first time in your life, you felt like you needed someone--you needed Robby. Not just biblically, but emotionally. You needed him in your life in the same way you needed oxygen to live. Needing someone that much terrified you, and you didn't know how to let go of that fear.
Robby meant what he'd said--he'd wait for the rest of his damn life if he had to. He loved you. He hadn't said those words aloud to anyone, even himself, but goddamnit he loved you. He would do anything to avoid losing you. Whatever it took, he would do it.
While you'd never said a word to anyone other than Santos and McKay about your budding relationship with Robby, other people in the Pitt had begun to take notice of the shift in your dynamic--one overly observant charge nurse in particular.
"I see you've gotten your head out of your ass," Dana commented as she looked at Robby over the top of her reading glasses.
He looked up from the chart he was reading with a quiet chuckle. "I didn't realize my head was up there."
"Oh please, you knew it, you just didn't wanna admit it." She smirked, nodding her head in your direction.
Robby turned to look, a small smile lifting the corners of his mouth when he caught sight of you. Your back was to him, and you were completely unaware of the conversation happening less than 20 feet away.
"Ahhh, that."
"Yes, that," Dana teased. "You seem happy. Both of you."
"I'm doing everything I can to make sure she knows I'm in this for the long haul," Robby admitted.
"Well, your reputation precedes you."
He groaned. "I know, I know. But she's different."
Dana nodded. "I know she is."
He hesitated for a moment. "I-I don't know how to convince her I'm not going anywhere."
"Keep showing up, Robinavitch. That's all you can do."
So that's what he did. Everyday. He showed up in every way he could. Whenever you needed something, no matter how big or small, he was by your side before you could open your mouth to ask for it.
If you needed assistance with a trauma or complicated case, Robby was there to help. If you were tired, he was passing a cup coffee to you before you even realized you needed it. When your knee was acting up, he was the first to notice--and he'd force you to take a break, even if it was only for five minutes.
Outside of work, he was just as attentive. Whether it was choosing restaurants he knew you'd love, or bringing you your favorite flowers, or opening the car door to help you in/out.
When a pipe under your sink burst, he was at your apartment within 10 minutes to help fix it because your landlord said it would take hours to get the water back on.
When you got a flat tire on your way home from work, Robby was the first person you called. You were hoping he could just swing by and pick you up, but of course when he arrived he promptly proceeded to change your tire instead.
When you had a nightmare about some of the trauma you'd seen at work, he'd answered on the second ring, despite it being 2am. You apologized profusely for having called him, knowing he needed his sleep even more than you did, but you just needed to hear his calm voice. And when he knocked on your door 15 minutes later, you let him hold you until you finally fell back asleep, feeling safe in his arms.
The next day at work, you told Dana about your nightmares and how Robby had come over without you even asking. "He didn't have to do that, but it meant so much to me. I didn't even know how badly I needed it until he was there, ya know?"
"Can I ask you something, hon?"
You nodded, unsure of what would come out of her mouth next.
"Do you love him?"
You nearly choked on your own saliva as you sputtered out an answer to her question. "I-I, well I-"
She held up her hand with the smallest of smiles. "That's what I thought. Now I've known Robby a very long time, and you know what he's never done? He's never cared this much about anyone in all the time I've known him. You deserve to be loved by someone who would burn it all down for you, and that grumpy old man is that someone. Robby loves you, (Y/N/N). Even if he hasn't said the words out loud."
It wasn't often you were rendered speechless, but you found yourself unable to formulate a coherent response. While the L word had crossed your mind many times in the last few weeks, you hadn't allowed yourself to really consider it. As an excessive over-thinker, you were simply too worried about all the what-ifs to risk it.
"If you love him even half as much as he loves you, then don't waste any more time. Life's short. Spend it with the people who mean the world to you."
Her words rang true, not just in your head, but in your heart. In protecting your heart, you were refusing to let yourself truly live. You loved Robby. You loved him with everything you had--and it was time he knew it too.
Series Summary: You're a new attending just starting at PTMC. Day one on the job you meet Dr. Robby and you're instantly smitten, despite the 17 year age gap. As it so happens, he might be more than a little interested in you, despite his better judgment.
Warnings: cursing, use of pet names, age gap (reader is 33, Robby is 50), death, hospital trauma
A/N: Direct continuation of Part Three.
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven (Pending)
It had been one month since you'd returned to work after your recovery. One month of truly uncomfortable shifts working alongside a man you were struggling not to love.
At first, Robby continued to try and apologize--to fix what was broken between you--but eventually he started to distance himself. The massive chasm between you two was slowly killing him, but there was nothing he could do to fill it. He gave you the distance because he thought it was what you wanted, or perhaps even what you needed.
In truth, the distance was hurting you just as much as it hurt him, even if you didn't want to admit it. You'd told him there could be nothing between you after everything that had happened, but you were having a hard time allowing yourself to accept that.
Each shift became more and more difficult for you. Just being around him was almost unbearable, and it was no fault of his. Your heart hadn't stopped wanting him, no matter how badly your brain wanted nothing to do with him. It had reached a point where you'd begun contemplating switching to night shift. You were almost certain Shen would be down to switch over to days permanently.
You hadn't broached the topic with Robby, Shen, or even Jack. You didn't want to make that move unless you were certain it was what you wanted. Perhaps it was childish of you to want to change shifts just to get away from someone, especially someone you'd never even had a relationship with to begin with.
Robby, on the other hand, was trying to better himself. He'd finally agreed to go to therapy--to work through all the things he'd been shoving down for years. He wanted to make himself worthy of you, even if you never wanted anything to do with him again.
For obvious reasons, he hadn't told you how he felt about you, nor had you ever really expressed your own feelings, but he was desperate to believe that despite what you'd said, it wasn't too late. He'd never felt like this before. Never wanted someone the way he wanted you. He had to fix it--he just had to.
You wanted to take Dana's advice--to let Robby continue apologizing, but you just didn't know how to forgive him. You wanted to, god how you wanted to, but you couldn't quite get over the way he'd so thoroughly abandoned you.
Everyone on day shift, and even most of the night shift, was well aware of the change to your relationship with Robby. Gone was the easy banter, the silent understanding, the gentle stares. He didn't bring you coffee and you didn't make sure he ate lunch. He didn't pester you about taking better care of your knee when it was flaring up, and you didn't pressure him to take breaks. You became two colleagues passing by each other because you had to, instead of two friends stopping to chat just because they cared.
Most people were wise enough not to comment on it--to either of you. Even your friends had avoided pointing out the change, except of course, for McKay. She'd managed to keep her comments to herself for weeks, but she couldn't do it any longer.
She'd demanded to have a girls' night with just the two of you, to which you'd agreed. Which was how she came to be sitting on your sofa at 8pm on a Friday night, glass of wine in hand.
"So are you gonna finally tell me what's going on with you and Robby?" she asked.
You stared into your own wine glass, contemplating whether or not you wanted to be honest.
"Don't bother lying, (Y/N/N). I'm not blind and I'm not stupid."
You sighed quietly. "I know you're not. It's just-well, it's hard to explain."
"Try me."
"I want to hate him," you admitted softly. "I want so badly to hate him. For-for being an idiot. For abandoning me. For being so cruel." You paused. "But I can't. No matter how hard I try, I can't bring myself to hate him."
"Why do you think that is?"
"Because I'm an idiot?" you grumbled, exasperated. "Because I like the pain? Because I love him too much for my own good?"
She cocked her head to the side. "I wouldn't say you're an idiot by any means. And you can't help who you love."
"I wish I could," you mumbled. "I would give anything to not want him, Cassie. I wish I could just love Jack instead. He's been there for me--took care of me without complaint. Hell, he even got into a fight with Robby over the way he was treating me."
It had taken some finagling, but Jack had finally admitted he'd had a conversation with Robby the day after you were stabbed. He wouldn't tell you everything that was said, but you knew the two men had barely spoken since. Robby had apologized to Jack, but he wasn't ready to forgive...not unless you did first.
"Dr. Abbot is a genuinely good man," Cassie conceded. "But so is Robby. He's just a little more emotionally stunted."
"I know, but I'm not sure he would agree."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't think he believes he's a good man."
"Ahh." Cassie took a slow sip of her wine. "What does that mean for you?"
"Jack said something about Robby thinking he doesn't deserve me...and maybe it's true. Maybe he really isn't the good man I think he is inside."
"Do you really believe that?"
"I don't know," you whispered.
"Can I tell you what I see?"
"Of course."
"You know I'm observant. I've payed special attention to the two of you since all of this happened. It doesn't take an observant person to see how much pain the two of you are in. Every time he looks your way, he pegs you with these longing looks that make my heart ache just to witness. When he hears your voice, his eyes close and he winces like he's in pain. He notices every single time your knee is bothering you--he always looks like he wants to say something about it, but he never does." She sighed softly. "Maybe it's time for you to pay attention to him too--look for those little things it took me seconds to notice."
You were quiet for several moments. "I-I didn't know."
"You barely look at him, (Y/N). Of course you didn't know."
"It's hard to look at him, Cass. Harder than I care to admit...because every time I do, I want to tell him I'm sorry too. That I forgive him. That I love him. And I'm just not ready for that."
"That's okay. You don't have to be ready for any of that. I'm just suggesting you pay a little extra attention for one shift. That's it. Just one. If you don't see what I see, then I'll back off. But if you do--well, maybe it's time to actually talk to him."
**********
Two days later, you had your chance. You still kept your distance from Robby, and he from you, but you paid close attention to him as McKay had suggested.
The first time you noticed something was when you were at the central hub talking to Dana and Robby came over to grab a seat to do some charting. You could see him out of the corner of your eye, and you caught the look he sent your way. It made your chest ache almost unbearably. You hadn't ever seen him look at you like that--with a mixture of agony, regret, and longing in his eyes that made it hard for you to breathe.
Later, Santos came up to ask you a question, stopping you in the middle of the hall. Robby came around the corner just as you began to answer her question. He froze for a split second, pain flashing across his face even before his eyes landed on you. When they did, he inhaled sharply and turned away as if seeing you standing there physically hurt him.
You saw every time he winced, closed his eyes, or stared at you throughout the day. You made note of all the times he looked like he desperately wanted to talk to you, but forced himself to stay silent. You realized how much you were missing by avoiding him--all the subtle cues he unintentionally put into the world every time you were near.
Towards the end of the shift, you'd started to limp slightly, your knee acting up from being on your feet all day. You'd foolishly forgotten to wear your brace as you'd been running behind that morning.
Robby noticed immediately. You saw the moment he realized you were in pain. Less observant people might not have noticed such a slight change in your gate, but he recognized it instantly. His eyes were glued to your leg as you moved in his direction, a mixture of emotions evident on his face.
You took the opportunity to catalogue each of those emotions, fixating heavily on how much he clearly cared about the pain you were in. Seeing you in pain, even after everything, caused him emotional pain--you could see it in his eyes. He wanted so desperately to take away your pain, not just because he was a doctor, but because he cared about you.
Your body seemed to freeze of its own volition. The pause in your gate brought Robby's eyes up to your face, making eye contact for the first time in longer than either of you cared to acknowledge.
Your lips were parted slightly, breathing shallow, as you stared at him. He couldn't read the mix of emotions on your face, but he didn't look away, and neither did you.
He didn't know if he should say something--if you would be okay with him asking if you were alright--so he stayed silent, but his eyes never left yours.
You were certain your heart rate was astronomically high as your eyes remained locked on his. His lips parted like he was going to speak, but he slowly closed his mouth again. You saw the worry in his eyes and it broke down the last of your defenses.
"I'm okay," you said softly.
Robby's entire face shifted, expression highlighting his intense relief. Whether it was at your acknowledgment of him, your voice, or your confirmation you were okay, you didn't know.
"You're not wearing your brace," he commented lowly.
"I was running late this morning and I forgot it," you admitted.
He decided in that moment to keep an extra brace in his locker for days like today--just in case you needed it. It could sit beside the extra hoodie he hadn't had the heart to remove.
"Do you need some Tylenol?"
You gave him a soft smile. "I took some already, but thank you."
He nodded. "Let me know if you need anything else."
"I will."
He watched you walk away, heart racing in his chest for no clear reason. He couldn't remember the last conversation he'd had with you that wasn't strictly professional--and he was fairly certain this was the first time you'd made eye contact with him since that day in pedes.
That short conversation sparked the beginnings of a subtle change in your relationship with Robby. It was the start of the healing of your relationship--your journey back to friendship.
**********
Within a week, your friendship had begun to truly heal. You'd stopped avoiding each other, made eye contact regularly, even shared some smiles and lighthearted banter. While the relationship still had a long way to go, the tightness in your chest had begun to ease with each passing day.
McKay was the first to notice, and you thanked her for suggesting you pay more attention to Robby in the first place. Without her, you weren't sure you would have ever noticed the pain he was in.
Dana, of course, was the second to notice. While she never said it aloud, she was secretly pleased to see the mending of your relationship with Robby. The friendship was good for both of you, and she had a gut feeling that it would finally lead to something more.
Even Jack had noticed the shift in your relationship with Robby. He couldn't help the wide smile that settled onto his face when he saw the two of you laughing at the desk when he came in for his shift. Robby met his gaze from across the room, and Jack's responding nod eased the tension in Robby's shoulders. That was another relationship he could now begin to mend.
Another week went by in much the same way--each day another subtle step towards where you'd been before the night you were stabbed. It was all too easy to slip back into a routine. He started bringing you coffee every morning like he used to. You dragged him to the break room to force him to eat something before he passed out. Procedures and teaching moments were once again fluid and seamless, like you were just two halves of the same coin working in unison.
The mending of your friendship was also healing your heart. You hadn't realized just how terribly you'd missed him--even if it was just the easy banter and comfortable work environment. You certainly weren't ready to cross any boundaries with him, but you felt more at ease than you had in weeks.
The change was even more intense for Robby. He'd missed you terribly, both as a friend and colleague, and as the woman he longed for. He would take you in whatever way you would have him at this point, though his love for you had only grown.
He'd come to terms with just how badly he messed up and he was willing to do anything you asked of him to fix it--to have even the slightest chance with you. He would wait as long as it took--however long you needed. As far as he was concerned, there was no one else for him. There never would be.
"I like seeing you two smiling again," Dana mentioned causally one morning.
You chuckled. "I smile all the time, D."
She raised a single brow. "Mhm. Except for those few weeks when you and Robby weren't speaking."
You winced. "All in the past now."
"So you've forgiven him."
You glanced across the large open space, eyes settling on Robby as he spoke to Whitaker. "Yeah...yeah I guess I have."
She smiled. "Have you told him that?"
"Not explicitly, no."
"Maybe you should." You gave her a quizzical look and she just shrugged. "Just a suggestion."
A few hours later, you took her up on her suggestion. "Hey, Robby? Got a sec?"
He turned to face you, the slightest bit of unease in his eyes as he nodded. You could see the tension in his shoulders as you led him to the break room, allowing the door to close behind you.
"I know things have been really good between us lately," you began, "but I think I owe it to you to say that I forgive you. For everything."
All of the tension left his body and his face filled with relief. "Really?"
You nodded. "Really."
"Thank god," he whispered as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I was willing to do anything you asked of me to earn that forgiveness, you know."
You smiled warmly. "I know. I think that's why it's so easy to forgive you now." You could tell there was more he wanted to say, but you weren't quite ready to hear it yet. "I just thought you should know."
He nodded. "Thank you, (Y/N). It means a lot to me."
You reached out and gave his hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it. "You can call me '(Y/N/N)' again. I think you've earned it."
The grin that spread across his face cracked something open in your chest you weren't prepared to look too closely at just yet.
"(Y/N/N)," he murmured slowly, as if tasting the nickname on his lips. "I missed that. I missed you."
His admission was unintentional, and he braced himself for your reaction, but you merely smiled.
"I missed you too," you admitted.
You gave him one last gentle smile before leaving the room, not quite willing to let him fully back into your heart just yet.
Your forgiveness, your soft smiles, and your admission you missed him was enough to sustain him for now. He'd meant what he said. He was willing to do anything you asked him to earn your forgiveness--and to be worthy of your love.
**********
You groaned in annoyance at the sight of a familiar face making yet another surprise appearance in the ER. Noelle Hastings. She'd begun making a habit of appearing unannounced with increasing regularity over the last few weeks.
It was clear to anyone with a working set of eyes she had the hots for one Michael Robinavitch, though he seemed to be completely oblivious to it.
"What's with the sour face?" Samira asked from your left.
"Hastings," you muttered under your breath.
"Again?" she asked in surprise, turning to look in Noelle's direction. "That's like the fifth time this week. Since when does she make it a habit to visit the Pitt?"
"Since she decided she wants to fuck Dr. Robby, obviously," Santos answered from your right.
"Jesus, Trin," you groaned. "Can you not?"
"Sorry, boss--I'm just saying. A blind person could see it."
You could see Samira desperately trying to stifle a laugh out of the corner of your eye. "You two are terrible."
"I didn't do anything!" Samira insisted.
"You laughed. That's bad enough." Your voice was teasing, but there was still an undercurrent of displeasure in your tone.
"Incoming," Santos muttered lowly.
You looked up and saw Noelle walking towards you. You swallowed the groan that threatened to bubble up and plastered a smile on your face.
"Hi Dr. (Y/L/N). I'm looking for Dr. Robby. Have you seen him?" Noelle asked as she approached.
You wanted to say something snarky, but you're far too old and too professional for that. "No, I haven't, but I'm sure he's here somewhere. You're welcome to look around."
"Thanks. I'll see if I can find him."
You watched her walk off, smile slipping from your face the moment she couldn't see it.
"You really don't like her, do you?" Santos asked.
You had to admit, Noelle was a nice person. There really wasn't a good reason not to like her--other than the fact that she so clearly wanted Robby. "I'm indifferent."
Santos raised an eyebrow. "You're lying through your teeth."
You sent the younger woman a glare that would have made Satan uncomfortable, but she merely shrugged.
Not even fifteen minutes later, you stumbled into the middle of a conversation between Noelle and Robby. They were in one of the quieter hallways when you rounded the corner and nearly ran right into Noelle's back.
Robby met your surprised gaze with a surprised look of his own. There was no guilt in his expression, so you had no reason to believe their conversation was anything other than professional--except for the fact that they were standing uncomfortably close to each other.
"Oh, s-sorry," you stammered. "I didn't realize anyone was standing here. I'll get out of your way."
You brushed past them both without looking back at Robby. The concern in his gaze went unnoticed by you, but Noelle saw it. She also saw the way he turned and reached for you as you passed by, like he didn't want you to go.
You didn't hear Robby turn back to Noelle and tell her he was flattered by her invitation for drinks, but he wasn't interested. You didn't hear Noelle's sullen reply. All you heard was Robby's voice calling your name seconds after you'd walked away.
"(Y/N/N), wait--I-"
"It's okay," you said calmly. "I know she's into you."
"I-"
"It's not a big deal," you continued. "You're both adults, you can do whatever you want." You weren't sure exactly why you said that--but you wanted to believe it was just a defense mechanism, nothing more.
"Woah--hold on," he insisted. "Yes, she just asked me out, but I said no."
"Oh." Surprise, and perhaps a little shame, deepened the color in your cheeks.
He rubbed the back of his neck and let out a soft sigh. "Yeah."
"You-you don't owe me an explanation."
"Of course I do."
You looked up at him, finally noticing the evident affection in his gaze.
"I don't ever want to do anything to hurt you again," he whispered.
The admission settled deep in your chest, like a firm pressure against your rib cage, making it harder to breathe. You didn't know what to say, couldn't formulate words to respond, a mere nod all you could manage.
Robby wanted to tell you he loved you right then, wanted to say all the things he'd kept inside for months, but Dana's voice interrupted as she announced an incoming trauma, pulling you both back into the chaos of the Pitt.
**********
One week later and you were hit with one of the toughest shifts you'd had since the PittFest shooting. Trauma after trauma came through the doors, multiple car accidents, a few shootings, and one child drowning.
You lost a 15-year-old gun shot victim before you could manage to stop his bleeding long enough to get him to the OR. Robby lost a little girl who'd drowned in the family pool.
Later, you'd both been pulled into Trauma 1 to try and save the life of a pregnant mother who'd been in a horrific car accident. While the mother hadn't survived her injuries, the baby was old enough to be removed via c-section and placed in the NICU until he was healthy enough to go home.
Too many pieces of your heart had shattered during the shift, but Robby had been right there beside you for all of it. He carried his own shattered heart, but he still chose to take some of your pain onto himself.
He checked on you just the right amount--never overbearing, but always present. He knew you didn't want to talk about it any more than he did, so he never pressed. He just made it clear he was there whenever you needed him--if you ever wanted to talk.
You'd never been more thankful for him than today. Not only for his steady presence, but for his ability to know exactly what you needed. It was the moment you realized you'd never loved him more--and you weren't sure you could keep pretending you didn't.
Robby wasn't just your chief attending--not with you. Nor was he just your friend--not anymore. It was time for both of you to stop pretending the status quo was sustainable--that you both didn't need more.
At the end of the grueling shift, neither of you really wanted to talk about it. Instead, you both wandered to the roof together in silence, where you remained for the better part of 20 minutes.
You were sitting on the metal railing, Robby standing beside you quietly. Neither of you had spoken since the moment you touched the stairs, but the silence was anything but uncomfortable. Silence with Robby felt companionable in a way you'd never found silence to be before.
To your surprise, it was Robby who broke the reprieve. "Do you ever think life's too short?"
You shot him a surprised glance. "All the time."
"I've been thinking about it a lot lately."
You nodded. "Any particular reason why?"
His gaze remained focused ahead, though it appeared he wasn't really seeing anything. "Everything, I guess. We see a lot of death in this line of work--a lot of lives cut short. And then what happened to you? I've never felt fear like that before. You never really know when you're going to take your last breath." He paused. "And, well, I'm getting older. Every day some new little ache pops up to graciously remind me of that."
You huffed out a laugh. "If it makes you feel better, I regularly wake up with some weird ailment I didn't have the day before."
To your surprise, he didn't laugh. Instead, he turned his attention to you, piercing brown eyes looking straight into you as if he could see your very soul. "Life's too short to have regrets--and I, fuck--I don't wanna regret this."
You cocked your head to the side, confusion evident in your gaze. "What do you mean?"
Instead of answering your question, he posed one of his own. "Are you free tomorrow night?"
You startled slightly. "I-uh, well...um." The answer was a definite 'yes'--you didn't hang out with anyone who didn't work at PTMC and you had exactly zero plans. But why was he asking?
He looked away quickly, a light dusting of pink tinging his cheeks. Maybe he'd misunderstood? Misread things? He was debating whether or not to claim it was just the stress of the day, or maybe to just apologize for making you uncomfortable, or--
You quickly realized your hesitation was pointless. In truth, you very much so wanted to spend time with Robby, even if it might be a bad idea. It was too late to pretend you didn't want more. "Yes, I'm free tomorrow."
His head whipped back in your direction, a small smile gracing his handsome face. "Would you--um--" He rubbed the back of his neck. "Would you maybe wanna get a drink with me?"
You offered him what you hoped was a calm, self-assured smile. "I would love to." And you meant it--you really would like to get a drink with him, even if the prospect terrified you.
You would have said yes a thousand times just to see the pleased smile on his face. Genuine smiles were so rare for him these days, but you managed to pull them out of him in a way no one else ever had.
"I could pick you up at 7:30?"
"Sounds perfect."
**********
Tag List: @ghostgirlwrites, @tlc3802, @probioticpro, @kneelforloki, @thriving-n-jiving, @deansbaby-1967
Series Summary: You're a new attending just starting at PTMC. Day one on the job you meet Dr. Robby and you're instantly smitten, despite the 17 year age gap. As it so happens, he might be more than a little interested in you, despite his better judgment.
Warnings: cursing, use of pet names, age gap (reader is 33, Robby is 50), mentions of death, hospital trauma, stabbing, surgery, allusions to rape (nothing explicit). Robby is a complete and utter idiot.
A/N: Direct continuation of Part Two. Y'all might hate me for this part...but stick with me. I promise it'll be worth it.
Part One | Part Two | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven (Pending)
Even though Robby had promised Jack he would talk to you, another two weeks went by without him fulfilling that promise.
It wasn't that he didn't want to--he was just afraid of what you would say. The what-ifs were eating him alive. What if you didn't feel the same? What if he ruined the great relationship you already had? What if you were creeped out because he was so much older? What if-what if-what if.
Jack had, of course, reminded Robby to talk to you nearly every time he saw him. Robby knew he was right, knew life was too short to keep wasting time, but he just couldn't find the words.
It would take something truly harrowing for him to finally say the words that lived inside him, to voice the feelings he'd been hiding for months. He just didn't know that yet.
You were covering for Ellis on the night shift after she'd begged you to take her shift. You'd already worked your own shift, so you were exhausted by the time midnight rolled around.
Luckily, the shift had been mostly quiet so far, only two traumas had come in and they were both up in the OR. All the other patients were routine, making the shift go by dizzyingly slowly.
"Hey sweetheart," Jack murmured as he eased up behind you. "You look like a dead woman walking."
"Your compliments are always so heartwarming," you grunted.
He ignored your complaint, but the small smile on his face told you he'd heard. "Want me to send Shen to Dunkin? Get you a good coffee?"
As if summoned by the mere mention of his favorite place, Shen appeared seemingly out of thin air. "Dunkin run?"
"It's disturbing how much iced coffee you drink," you muttered.
"How else do you think I have this endless energy?"
"I assumed it was some sort of energizer bunny scenario," you teased, catching Jack's eye as he stifled a laugh.
Shen rolled his eyes. "Can't it be both?"
You chuckled. "Point taken." You looked back over at Jack. "Honestly, I could really use the excursion, so I can make the run."
Jack shook his head immediately. "I don't like the idea of you walking there in the dark. Plus, it's freezing outside."
You shrugged. "It's literally on the next block. Besides, the cold might wake me up a little."
You could see the turmoil in Jack's face as he debated the options. He'd much rather send Shen, but he also knew you were more than capable of taking care of yourself.
If he told you no, you'd likely just go anyway. It's not like you needed his permission. He wasn't your boss. He sighed. "Fine, but make it fast. I don't want you catching a cold."
You gave him a mock salute before spinning on your heel and heading to the lockers to grab your coat. You slipped out the ambulance bay doors and started walking quickly towards the Dunkin.
One thing was for certain, Jack was right--it was fucking freezing outside, and the wind was bitter cold. You slightly regretted volunteering for this, but at least you did feel more awake.
You were halfway down the block when you heard a noise behind you. You stiffened instinctively, glancing over your shoulder to check your surroundings. You didn't see anyone, so you exhaled slowly. Jack's comment must be getting to you--the sound was probably a cat or raccoon or something.
You continued walking, but you didn't make it more than five more steps before you felt strong arms wrap around you from behind, pulling you back against someone who was a fair amount taller than you.
Your first instinct was to fight--and fight you did. You struggled with everything you had to escape the arms that had encircled you, but whomever it was didn't budge.
"Stop fucking fighting," a man's voice growled in your ear. The sinister tone in his voice had the exact opposite effect of his intent, spurring your body into an even wilder frenzy.
You managed to jam an elbow into his rib cage, causing him to loosen his grip on you as the air whooshed from his lungs. You started to pull away from him and attempted to run back towards the hospital, but he grabbed you by your hair, pulling you violently back towards him.
You screamed for help as you fought against him, and his hand instantly went to cover your mouth. You bit into the flesh of his palm, causing him to yell in pain.
When he released you from his grasp, you took off, not thinking about anything but escaping. He ran after you, catching up with you in a matter of seconds. He grabbed your shoulder and spun you around to face him--and all you saw in his face was rage. You'd never felt more fear in your life.
"You fucking bitch," he snarled, fist slamming into your stomach with shocking force. "That's for biting me." He made the same motion again, but the pain was much sharper than it should have been and you realized it hadn't been his fist. Your fears were confirmed when he pulled his hand back, a bloody knife clutched between his fingers. "That's for fucking running."
The pain was sudden, as if seeing the knife had triggered the receptors in your brain the moment you were able to process what had happened. You dropped to your knees with a shaky breath, terror gripping your heart as you placed a cold palm to your stomach, feeling the sticky, wet heat of blood dripping from your wounds.
You thought for sure the man was going to finish you off right then and there, but to your surprise, he took off running, almost as if he'd suddenly realized what he'd done and wanted to get away as fast as possible.
The late hour meant you were alone on the street, not a soul on either side of the road. You knew if you stayed there, you would bleed out. You turned your head to look behind you, finding the hospital much closer than you'd thought.
You knew you had to get up--you had to make it back to the ER, even if it took every last ounce of strength you had. You pulled yourself into a standing position with a groan of pain, hand pressing firmly against your stomach.
You couldn't move very quickly, but you put every bit of energy you had to good use as you maneuvered back towards the ambulance bay. You could see the doors, the lights from the Pitt illuminating the path.
It felt like an eternity before you reached the automatic doors, but in reality it hadn't been more than a minute. The doors slid open and you limped through the first set. The second set opened just as every last droplet of adrenaline left your body, leaving only unbearable pain in its wake.
You collapsed to the ground with a cry, the sound alerting Lena who stood behind the desk at central. You heard her yell your name, followed by Jack's, before racing to your side. Seconds later, Jack's face also swam into view, hazel eyes filled with concern and fear.
"Jack," you whimpered, bloody hand reaching for him instinctively.
You heard him ask you a question, but the roaring in your ears prevented you from understanding. You felt the darkness start to close in, your vision tunneling as you fought to remain conscious.
Jack lifted you off the floor, laying you down on a gurney before rushing into trauma one. You heard Shen's voice as he joined, as well as a couple other voices you couldn't place.
Hands made quick work of removing your jacket and cutting open your scrub top, though you couldn't say whose hands did what.
Jack's handsome face came into your line of sight once more. You saw his mouth moving, but you couldn't decipher any words.
"St-sta-stabbed," you stammered breathlessly.
Jack's eyes widened and he turned to the other people in the room, immediately barking orders as he went to work trying to stop the flow of blood from your wounds.
The more blood you lost, the weaker you became. You fought desperately to keep your eyes open, but the effort was becoming too much. You knew Jack was on your right, so you reached out with a shaky hand, seeking his arm.
You heard him say your name, an undercurrent of fear lacing the single word.
"Tell Robby..." you begged. "Tell him I--"
"You're gonna tell him yourself," Jack insisted, leaning close to you so you could actually make out his words. "So don't you dare die on me, (Y/N)."
You want to tell him to just listen to you--to beg him to tell Robby how you felt. You needed to know Robby would know the truth, even if you never got to say the words.
But it was all too much--the pain, the blood loss, the fear--it was overwhelming. This time, when the darkness sought to bring you under, you sank beneath the waves without so much as a whimper.
**********
Robby was sound asleep when his phone rang, dragging him out of a blissful slumber. He glanced at the offending device, groaning when he saw Jack's number lighting up the screen.
"This better be important," he grumbled when he answered.
"Robby."
The tone of Jack's voice sent a shiver of fear down Robby's spine and he sat up immediately. "What? What's wrong?"
"It's-it's (Y/N). She--"
"She what?" Ice cold terror wound its way around his heart and his breath caught in his chest as he awaited Jack's next words.
"Don't panic, okay? She-she's in the OR. She was stabbed--"
"Stabbed?" Robby yelled, mind and body fully awake now. He sprang out of bed and began grabbing articles of clothing, throwing them haphazardly on the bed so he could get dressed. "How? What happened? Is she okay?"
"I-I don't know," Jack admitted softly. "She's in surgery."
A thousand different thoughts raced through Robby's mind, but he couldn't voice a single one of them. All he knew was you were hurt, possibly dying, and he wasn't there. He needed to be there. He needed to be with you.
"I'm on my way," Robby declared, hanging up the phone without another word.
He was dressed and in his car within minutes of answering his phone. He broke several traffic laws as he sped towards PTMC, not giving a damn about anything but getting to you as fast as possible.
He didn't bother to park in the parking garage, instead pulling up to the ambulance bay and parking off to the side, leaving just enough room for an ambulance to get in and out.
He jumped out of the car and ran through the automatic doors, eyes scanning for Jack in a panic. He saw his friend standing beside Lena at central, and he took a step in his direction. The moment Jack turned to face him, he froze mid-stride.
Jack's face looked haunted in a way Robby hadn't seen in a long time. Worry was etched into every inch of his body, all the way down to the hands he wrung in front of him.
"Robby," he said softly--too softly, too gently.
Robby instinctively took a step back. He didn't want to know what Jack was going to say, not when he was looking at him like that--with pity and sorrow in his gaze.
Robby shook his head desperately--silently begging Jack not to tell him. If you were gone--no, no he wouldn't think like that. Couldn't think like that. You had to be okay. You just had to be.
Jack closed the distance between them whether Robby wanted him to or not. He didn't want to know what was going to come out of Jack's mouth, and every part of him screamed when his friend's lips began to form words.
"She's still in surgery. She had two abdominal stab wounds when she came in. She-she lost a lot of blood."
Robby clung to the words 'still in surgery'--if you were still in surgery, that meant you were still alive. "I-I need--I need to see her."
Jack nodded. "You can go upstairs and wait for her to get to recovery. I-I can go with you, if you want."
Robby just nodded and made his way to the stairs, allowing Jack to decide if he wanted to come along or not. Jack followed seconds later, the two making their way to the ICU in silence.
Robby objectively knew he couldn't see you until you were out of surgery, but he also knew he wouldn't be able to breathe properly until he did. He needed to know you were alright--that you would be okay.
He also needed to know what happened--desperately. "What the hell happened, Jack?"
Jack let out a long, slow exhale. "I don't really know. She went out to get some fresh air and a coffee, and she came back a few minutes later with two stab wounds."
Robby's eyes fluttered shut as he tried to push away the images Jack's words conjured--you covered in blood, in pain.
"She was already so weak when she reached the doors--she could barely speak."
Robby's eyes remained closed, unable to meet his friend's sad gaze.
"She said your name."
That got Robby's attention, eyes flying open as his head snapped in Jack's direction. "She did?"
He nodded. "It was one of the only coherent things she said."
The pain in Robby's chest at the thought was akin to a knife in the heart. Despite the pain and terror you must have been feeling, his name was what made it past your lips--he was the one thing on your mind. He didn't want to think about what it meant too deeply--not yet, not until he knew you would be okay.
**********
The soft beeping of a heart monitor was the only sound in the room when the nurse led Robby in to see you. He caught a glimpse of you lying on the bed, skin nearly as pale as the sheets you were bundled under. You looked so small, so fragile, it nearly snapped his heart in two.
He wasn't sure exactly how much time had passed since he'd first arrived at PTMC. Jack had long since gone back to the Pitt when Lena called him for an incoming trauma, leaving Robby to sit in the waiting area by himself for what could have been hours or days for all he knew.
He quietly thanked the nurse as he crossed the room, coming to a stop at your side. He couldn't quite get a grip on his emotions--unsure exactly what he was feeling. Relief and regret seemed to be the two fighting for dominance in his mind, but he wasn't given the time to decipher anything else.
The surgeon walked into the room to give Robby a run-down of the surgery and how you were currently doing. He tried so hard to pay attention, but he only caught every few words. He knew you were stable, he'd seen as much himself, but all he really wanted to know was if you'd be alright.
He voiced the question to the surgeon, interrupting her mid-sentence.
Her expression softened even further. "We'll know more in the morning, or by mid-afternoon at the latest."
Robby knew what that answer meant. He'd given a thousand versions of it to a thousand different families. It meant you weren't out of the woods yet, which meant he wouldn't be leaving your side until your eyes opened again...because they would open again. Hope was all he had for the moment, and he was clinging to it with every bit of strength he had.
He thanked the doctor before turning his attention back to you, brown eyes filled with tears he refused to let fall. He grabbed the chair and tugged it up to right beside your bed, lowering himself into it before taking your hand in his. Your hand was colder than he'd expected, the feeling making his chest ache.
Robby considered telling you everything right then and there, but despite the number of people who claimed they could hear things when they were unconscious, he couldn't bring himself to say the words.
He wanted to see your eyes when he finally told you how he felt, wanted to see your reaction and know for sure if you felt the same way. He had no way of knowing how long it would be until you woke up, but he fully intended to be there when you did.
It was nearly 5am when his eyes finally drifted closed, exhaustion taking over. He was supposed to be on shift in 2 hours, but he knew Jack would cover for him as long as he needed. He could only hope that when he woke up again, you'd be waking up too.
**********
Sunlight filtered in through the curtains covering the window as you slowly gained consciousness. Your memory was fuzzy, but it didn't take you long to realize you weren't asleep in your own bed.
Flashes of moments from the night before slipped in and out of your mind as you fully woke, realization sinking into you as your eyes fluttered open.
You didn't recognize the room you were in, but you knew you were at PTMC. Based on the events of the night before, you figured you were in the ICU.
Your eyes slowly scanned the room from left to right. You turned your head all the way to the right, eyes finally landing on the man who was sleeping soundly at your side: Robby.
His hand was intertwined with yours where it rested on the bed. It couldn't have been a comfortable angle for him, but he'd held on even in sleep. It warmed something deep in your heart you weren't ready to look at too closely.
You watched him quietly, observing him while he was incapable of shying away. He looked so peaceful like this, the lines of his face softened in a way you'd never seen before. It felt strangely intimate, seeing him like this, and you couldn't help but want to witness it over and over again.
He was beautiful, you realized, in the way an artist's rendering of a person would be. You'd always found him insanely attractive, but seeing him so vulnerable, so at peace, only deepened that attraction.
You would have gone on watching him for hours, but he clearly had other ideas. He slowly began to stir, seemingly sensing your gaze even in his sleep.
His soft brown eyes found yours as he woke fully, entire expression shifting into an unbearably affectionate look. "(Y/N)." Even the way he murmured your name like it was something sacred made it hard for you to breathe.
"Hi," you whispered.
He stood up, hand still holding yours while the other reached up to brush the hair back from your face almost instinctively. "Hey. How're you feeling?"
"Like I got stabbed," you quipped, voice light, but the undercurrent of pain still remained.
Robby's eyes fluttered closed for a second. "You scared the shit out of me, you know."
"I'm sorry."
He shook his head. "Don't-don't apologize. It's not your fault." His eyes reopened, focusing on your face. "When Jack called me, I-fuck-I've never felt terror quite like that before."
Something in your chest tightened unbearably at his words. "Robby-"
"Even he looked terrified when I got here last night, like he wasn't sure you'd make it," he continued on as if you hadn't spoken. "I haven't seen him like this since--" He trailed off, unable to finish the thought. Since his wife died.
The unspoken words hung between you, the hidden meaning hitting Robby more deeply than he'd expected. He couldn't help the sudden feeling rising in his gut--a feeling he could neither name nor express. All he knew was that he was questioning his friend's feelings for you all over again.
You squeezed Robby's hand, trying to bring him back to the present moment. You sensed the shift in him, even if you didn't understand where it was coming from.
"I'm sure it wasn't easy seeing me like that," you maintained. "Let alone having to be the one to save me. It's a lot of pressure."
"Yeah," Robby croaked, but the word didn't feel like a confirmation. It felt broken, just like he was.
"Where is Jack? Is he alright? I-I didn't have the ability to even tell him what happened."
Hearing you ask for Jack sparked a deep-seated pain in Robby's soul. Despite your insistence you and Jack were just friends, the worry in your voice and obvious affection in your eyes made him question if that was really all you felt for him.
Maybe Jack was wrong. Maybe you didn't want Robby, not the way he wanted you anyway. Maybe all this time was just a waste--what if your heart already belonged to Jack, if he didn't realize it?
Robby's hand slipped from yours and the absence was nearly painful. You wanted to reach for him, but his expression was distant, as if he was pulling away from you emotionally just as much as he was physically.
For a moment, when you'd first woken up, you'd wondered if Robby felt what you felt--if he cared for you in the same way you cared for him. You'd thought, for the briefest of moments, that he was going to open up to you--admit what you hoped lived in his heart.
That hope had managed to slip away in the last thirty seconds, leaving you feeling uncomfortably vulnerable and alone. Your body ached, and not just from the physical pain.
"I'll go get him for you," Robby muttered, pulling away from you even further.
You wanted to beg him not to go, but you couldn't get your mouth to form the words. You watched him leave the room, each step widening the chasm between you. You couldn't be certain, but you felt like something had broken between you in that moment...something you weren't sure could ever be repaired.
*********
Robby found Jack down in the Pitt, exactly where he knew his friend would be. Jack's expression dropped into immediate concern the second his eyes met Robby's. He knew something was wrong without having to ask.
"Is she--?" He couldn't bring himself to finish the question.
"She's awake," Robby stated, voice devoid of the relief or joy Jack had expected.
He didn't know how to ask what was wrong--didn't understand what could possibly make his friend look so...broken.
"She asked for you."
Understanding suddenly settled in Jack's gut like a weight. "Robby, I--"
"It doesn't matter. Thanks for covering for me." His tone was one of clear dismissal. "She's in 211. Go see her."
Robby walked away without another word, leaving Jack standing in the middle of the open floor, heart tugging him in two separate directions. Robby was his best friend--had been for longer than he cared to admit, but you had managed to nestle yourself into his heart so thoroughly he knew he'd never get you back out.
Jack adored you, but what Robby saw as romantic love was, in actuality, entirely platonic. If he let himself, Jack knew it would be easy to want more--to really love you--but he wouldn't do that to Robby. He wouldn't do it to you, either. He was more than content to be your friend, and he refused to do anything that would hurt you.
He couldn't leave you alone in a cold room in the ICU. If Robby had looked at you like he'd looked at Jack, he was certain you'd be distraught and confused. So off he went, feet moving as quickly as he could to reach you.
When the door to your room opened, part of you really hoped it would be Robby coming back to apologize, but you knew just how unlikely that was. So when the door swung open and Jack walked in, the smile that tugged on the corners of your lips was genuine.
"Jack."
He could hear the gratefulness in your voice, and it pulled him closer to you, as if you had your own gravity. "Hey, sweetheart. How ya feeling?"
"Physically? Achy and tired."
Jack heard the words you didn't say. "Emotionally?"
Your eyes met his, unshed tears shining in them. "Confused? Hurt? Angry? I don't really know."
Jack sighed softly as he wedged himself onto the edge of the bed. He grabbed your hand and squeezed it tightly in his. "I can imagine."
He let you decide how much you wanted to say--what you were willing to reveal to him.
"I guess I thought almost dying would get him to open up--maybe tell me what he was feeling for once."
Jack nodded, but stayed quiet for the moment.
"I didn't expect it to make him pull away so thoroughly." The 'right when I needed him the most' remained unsaid.
"Robby's never been very good at expressing himself," Jack conceded. "Emotions aren't exactly his strong suit."
"I've noticed," you grumbled softly. "I just...I thought maybe--for a second--maybe he felt the same as me."
Jack's chest tightened. "And how do you feel?"
You looked back up at him. "I think I could love him, Jack. If he'd let me."
Jack exhaled softly, eyes fluttering closed. "He'd be an idiot not to let you."
You chuckled mirthlessly, the sound shifting to a groan of pain. You gripped your stomach, hissing slightly as you tried to ease the pain.
"Hey, hey," Jack stood up immediately. "Take it easy. Don't try to move yet. Do you need more pain meds?"
In truth, you'd needed more pain meds the second you'd woken up, but you had wanted to stay awake, so you'd declined to ask for anything. Now, however, the pain had become more of a sharp stabbing than a dull ache, pushing you towards your threshold of tolerance.
"Please."
"Alright, gimme a second." Jack left the room and came back shortly with a nurse, who provided you with morphine to ease the pain.
"I hate morphine," you whispered. "Makes me sleepy."
Jack chuckled lightly. "You need to rest, sweetheart."
You opened your mouth to protest, but he shook his head.
"Doctors make the wor-"
"-worst patients, I know," you grumbled, cutting him off.
He smiled and patted your thigh. "Damn right. Now close your eyes and rest for a little while, okay? I'll be right here when you wake up."
Jack was exhausted as he was well into hour 17 of his shift, but he couldn't force himself to leave you. Not when Robby had abandoned you so abruptly. He wouldn't do that to you too.
**********
When you woke a few hours later, Jack was still there, sitting in the very chair Robby had occupied earlier. His eyes were closed and his breathing was even, indicating he, too, was getting some sleep.
You wanted to cry at the sight. It was new for you to have someone who truly cared so much about you--and now you had at least one person who was willing to drop everything for you. You'd thought perhaps Robby was also on that short list, but he was no where to be found.
When your mom had gotten sick, taking care of her had become your sole focus. You didn't have the time, nor the energy, to go out with friends anymore. When you weren't working excessively long shifts, you were with your mom--taking her to doctor's appointments, making sure she took her meds, and desperately trying to ease the discomforts of her chemo.
You did everything to make her life as easy as possible in those two years. You quickly discovered the people you had once called friends might not be the people you'd thought they were. Every single one had slowly stopped calling. Stopped reaching out entirely.
You couldn't blame them--not really. It's hard to be friends with someone who doesn't have time to spare. At the same time, it hurt to feel so abandoned...and when your mother passed, you were alone. You had nothing left, which is what led you to leave Philly.
It wasn't just that the city reminded you of her, it reminded you of everything you had lost. Even your coworkers weren't all that friendly or inclusive of you. They were nice enough, but you never really felt like you fit in.
PTMC was different--well, the Pitt was different. Jack took a liking to you immediately, as did Robby, and you were also blessed to find friends in most of the rest of the staff. Dana was a mother figure for you--a role model you could really look up to. Cassie, Samira, and Santos fit like sisters, and Whitaker was for sure the little brother.
The entire Pitt crew, whether day or night shift, felt like a family. A very strange, dysfunctional family, but a family nonetheless. You were honored to be a part of it, and you felt incredibly blessed to have each of them in your life.
Robby was the only one that felt different. He didn't fit into this family dynamic in the same way everyone else did. He felt more like an extension of yourself--a part of you that you'd never known you were missing until he walked into your life.
The idea that perhaps you had read into things too much, that your wishful thinking had blinded you to reality, was almost too much to bear. His actions regularly confused the hell out of you. He was gentle, kind, warm, and caring one day, and completely cold and aloof the next. You didn't understand it--didn't know how he fit into your world.
You knew what you wanted, but it didn't matter if he didn't feel the same. He was the only thing on your mind when you thought you were going to die. Any misgivings you'd had about him being your boss, or the difference in your age, didn't matter in those moments--and they didn't matter now.
It took nearly dying for you to accept that no matter what you did, Robby wasn't going to leave your heart. Somehow, over the past few months, he'd weaved his way into your soul, and you could no longer pretend he hadn't.
You'd wanted to tell him how you felt when you first woke up earlier that morning, but he never gave you the chance. Now, you didn't know where you stood--and you didn't know how to feel.
What you'd said to Jack was partially true--you knew you could love Robby, because you already did. You hadn't wanted to admit it even to yourself, but in those last moments before you'd lost consciousness, you'd tried to say the words out loud, even if it was only so Jack could tell him.
And now? Now you had to face the possibility you'd misinterpreted everything Robby had said and done since the day you met. That maybe you were wrong--that everyone was wrong. Maybe all he'd ever wanted was to fuck you and move on, and the slightest hint of real emotions on your end had pushed him away. After all, Robby was known to sleep around with various members of the staff...what he wasn't known for was expressing his emotions or engaging in real intimate relationships. Maybe you would have been nothing more than another notch on his bedpost.
The thought brought fresh tears to your eyes, tears you allowed to fall silently down your face. You wouldn't let yourself break down--not over a man you'd never had in the first place.
Unbeknownst to you, Jack heard the soft sound of sadness that slipped past your lips--the only audible indicator of your emotional pain. His eyes snapped open and focused on your face, chest aching at the sight of your damp cheeks.
He knew those tears weren't because you were in physical pain. You were far too stoic for that. There was only one possible cause--Robby. The thought made him angry. Angrier than he'd ever been at his friend.
Knowing Robby had hurt you so deeply for whatever unknown reason he'd come up with only served to enrage him further. Robby was notorious for running the moment things got too real--the second any form of real emotion was involved. But this time felt different, worse even.
Jack knew for an absolute fact that Robby felt the same way you did. He'd told him to tell you weeks ago...and for some reason he never had. Jack couldn't understand it--couldn't understand what could possibly make Robby think this was better than being honest with you.
He was gonna kick Robby's ass. Maybe not physically, but certainly verbally. He wasn't sure if Robby was being self-destructive, selfish, or both, but he'd finally had enough of it.
"Sweetheart?" Jack murmured softly, alerting you to his consciousness.
You quickly wiped your face, even though you knew he'd seen the tears.
Jack didn't comment on them, opting instead to let you decide if you wanted to share anything with him. "McKay and Santos stopped by earlier. They wanted to see how you were doing."
You sniffled softly. "Oh that's so sweet of them. Why didn't you wake me?"
Jack smiled. "They wouldn't let me. They both insisted you needed to rest. Apparently the entirety of day shift wanted to come and see you, but obviously they couldn't do it all at once. McKay and Santos graciously volunteered to be the first shift."
That made you smile, a big genuine smile that brightened your whole face. "Do you think we could go see them?"
Jack's eyes widened slightly. "Sweetheart, I don't think you should be getting out of bed. I can go see if they have a moment to come see you."
You looked over at the clock on the wall. 3pm. "Garcia's on shift. Go get her and she can tell me if I'm good to get out of this bed."
Jack gave you a slightly stern expression, but your defiant glare was enough to get him to break. "You are going to be an absolute pain in the ass to take care of."
Despite his grumbling, Jack got up and headed to find Garcia. You were fairly certain you heard him calling you a 'menace' under his breath on the way out the door.
Several minutes later, a solemn faced Garcia came into the room with Jack on her heels. "Hey, (Y/N/N). How ya feeling?"
"If one more person asks me that..."
She reached your beside and let out a small laugh. "Stubborn as ever, I see."
"I feel alive. Isn't that enough for everyone?"
She chuckled again and shook her head. The slight eye roll wasn't lost on you, but you stayed quiet as she checked your vitals.
"Looking good so far. Mind if I take a look at the sutures?"
"Go for it."
She rolled down the sheets and lifted your gown out of the way. She then lifted the bandages, checking for any oozing, inflammation, or additional signs of infection.
"Everything looks good. Let me just change the bandages and then I think we can get you in a wheelchair and let you go see everyone in the Pitt. Sound good?"
"Sounds excellent," you answered before Jack could say a single word. You knew he was displeased with Garcia's call, but it was hers to make. "But you don't have to change my bandages. I know you're probably busy--"
"Oh please. I'm never too busy for you. Besides, the nurses are all busy with other patients and Jack here is only good for panicked combat gauze."
You heard the teasing tone in her voice, and you knew Jack's eyes were rolling in response.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm surprised you'd stoop so low as to change a simple bandage, your majesty," Jack quipped back.
"Oo, your majesty. I like that." Garcia grinned teasingly. "The queen will return momentarily--after she fetches fresh bandages."
Both you and Jack laughed as she left the room. You appreciated the normalcy of their banter. Neither one of them were fussing over you, although Jack was most certainly hovering. It didn't make you feel smothered, however, just loved.
Garcia came back a few moments later and made quick work of changing your bandages. "So, what exactly happened?"
Jack leaned forward slightly and you were reminded you hadn't even told him what happened.
You recounted the events of the night before, and by the time you finished, both Jack and Garcia had looks of anger on their faces.
"You wouldn't just lie down and let him rape you, so he stabbed you instead?" Garcia snapped. "What a fucking monster."
Jack nodded his agreement. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I shouldn't have let you go out there alone."
You shook your head. "It's definitely not your fault. If you'd told me I couldn't go, I would've probably throat punched you and gone anyway."
Both Garcia and Jack laughed.
"Now that's something I'd pay to see," Garcia teased.
"I bet you would," Jack muttered with a roll of his eyes before addressing you again. "I told the police I'd give them a call when you woke up so you could talk to them. I didn't have enough info for them when they talked to me last night."
"Okay...but can I see the team first?"
Garcia laughed. "Like I said, stubborn."
She sent an aide to grab a wheelchair for you and when it arrived, she and Jack helped you into it. You had to admit that despite the pain, it was nice to be out of bed.
"I'll take her downstairs," Jack said. "I promise I won't let her stay too long."
Garcia nodded. "No more than thirty minutes."
You started to protest, but the sharp glare she cut your way shut you up.
"You just had surgery, doc. You're lucky I'm allowing you to go down there at all."
You held up your hands in surrender. "Alright, alright. Thirty minutes."
She gave your shoulder a firm squeeze, nodded at Jack, and left the room without another word. That was the moment you knew her bravado was hiding exactly how worried she had been.
"Ready?" Jack asked.
"Mhmm."
He started to push your chair out of the room and towards the elevators. "You know Robby will be down there."
Your pulse quickened. For some reason that thought hadn't crossed your mind. "It's fine."
Jack knew it was most definitely not fine, but he didn't bother arguing with you. He was saving all of his argumentation for Robby instead.
When the elevator doors opened and Jack pushed you out into the ER, the first sound you heard was an overly excited squeal of your name. Samira appeared a half second later, eyes bright with emotion as she reached out to grab your hand.
"How are--"
"If you ask how I'm feeling I'm going to throw myself off the roof," you interrupted.
She stifled a laugh. "I guess you're just fine then."
You gave her a warm smile and squeezed her hand. "I'm alright. Thanks to this one," you pointed at Jack, "and the OR docs."
"I had some help," Jack objected.
You waved him off and he sighed. You could feel his eyes rolling, but you elected to ignore it, especially as Dana appeared beside Samira, concerned eyes raking over your body.
"How's my favorite attending?" she asked.
"Just peachy."
"You didn't yell at her for asking," Samira muttered.
"Dana's allowed," you insisted.
"You gave us all quite the scare, kid," Dana said softly.
"Imagine being the one to find me," you commented lightly. "Poor Lena."
Dana leaned down and gave you a tight hug, careful not to hurt you. "Gave her a small heart attack, but she's alright. Glad to see you're in one piece too--well, mostly."
"Dr. (Y/L/N)!" Mel called in excitement as she raced towards the small group. "Oh, I'm so glad you're okay!"
"Hi, Mel." You gave her a warm smile. "I'm doing just fine."
Mel's cry of your name alerted Robby to your presence. He was far enough from the elevators that you didn't notice him, but his eyes drifted to you immediately. His heart hammered in his chest as he scanned you slowly, searching for any hint of discomfort or pain. He knew he didn't have the right to worry like this, but he couldn't help it.
He watched as several more people stopped by to see how you were--Santos and Whitaker practically ran over Mel as they rushed to see you, followed by McKay, Perlah, Princess, Javadi, and every other member of staff within spitting distance.
Your warm smile never dimmed as you talked to each of them. He couldn't hear you from this distance, but he could make out the affection in your gaze, regardless of who you spoke with.
Robby hated himself for not going over to you--but he couldn't bear it. Especially when he looked behind you and saw Jack hovering close by. His stance was protective and his face gave away the affection he clearly felt for you. It was like a knife straight to Robby's heart.
As if on cue, Jack's eyes raised, gaze meeting Robby's across the large room. His eyes narrowed and Robby knew Jack was angry with him. Beyond angry. He could feel his friend's rage even at this distance.
He felt shame bloom in his chest and he immediately turned away, running off to check in on a patient--any patient--like the coward he was.
Little did he know, you saw the moment he turned away. You'd sensed Jack's change in demeanor, and you followed his gaze to where it was burning a hole in Robby's back. You watched him race off--and you hated yourself for the ache in your chest it caused.
Jack let you stay almost forty minutes because he couldn't quite force himself to make you go back upstairs when you were smiling so happily. He finally succumbed, telling everyone you needed to get some more rest and they could come up and see you when their shift was over.
Goodbyes were said before he loaded you back into the elevator, riding in silence back to the ICU. You didn't need to stay there, but they hadn't cleared a bed for you elsewhere yet--seems the staffing shortage impacted you too.
It wasn't until he got you back into your room that the tears started to fall once again. Jack heard your soft sniffle and dropped to his knees in front of you, soft eyes scanning your face.
"Hey-hey, it's okay, sweetheart. What's wrong?"
You shook your head. "It's stupid."
He knew immediately you were referring to Robby. "No, it's not--but don't think about him right now, okay?"
You loved that Jack knew exactly what you were talking about without having to tell him, but a part of you also hated how well he could read you.
"Let's get you back into bed, alright?"
You nodded, letting Jack maneuver you into the bed with minimal participation from you. Once you were settled, he gave you a kiss on the forehead.
"Get some rest. I'll be back in a bit."
"Where are you going?"
"I gotta take care of something real quick. Just rest."
You knew there was something he wasn't telling you, but you were too tired to press. You closed your eyes and drifted back off to sleep before he was even out the door.
**********
Robby's stomach nearly dropped out of his ass when he saw Jack stomping towards him not long after he'd taken you back upstairs.
Before he could say a word, Jack growled at him to follow. Against his better judgment, he did so, following Jack right into peds...aka Robby's own personal hellscape.
The moment the door closed behind them, Jack's self-control snapped. He whirled around, anger oozing from every pore as he yelled, "What the actual fuck is wrong with you?"
Robby was taken aback by the force of Jack's anger, and before he could think of a single thing to say, Jack continued.
"A couple weeks ago, you told me you cared about her--wanted something more with her. But for some reason I don't understand, you decided not to have a conversation with her," Jack snapped. "Now she almost died and you what? Can't handle the way it's making you feel? Do you have any idea what this is doing to her? What you're doing to her?"
Robby had prepared to snap back some sort of retort about his decision to not tell you how he felt, but the pain in Jack's voice when he mentioned the impact this was having on you, gave him pause.
"I-I'm not trying to hurt her," Robby defended.
"Trying? Robby, you're not trying at all. If I didn't know better, I'd say she didn't really matter to you...because that's the only reason I can come up with to explain your behavior. You pulling away like this is killing her more than she'll ever admit."
"You think this is easy? Seeing her in pain?" Robby argued. "I hate it--I hate that she's hurting, physically or emotionally. But I can't stand there and pretend I'm the one she wants to take care of her. I can't pretend I don't see the way she looks at you, or the way you look at her."
Some of the anger leaves Jack's body at that, replaced by surprise. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Oh c'mon, Jack. She wakes up and the first person she asks about is you? What am I supposed to think?"
Jack threw up his hands. "You were the only thing on her mind before she went to surgery. You, not me. You were the one she wanted to see--she begged me to tell you how she felt, but I told her to wait. To wait until she could say it to your face because I needed her to survive--to have something to hold on to. You're the one she cares about. You're the one she wants."
Robby shook his head. "And you? Are you really going to tell me you don't love her?"
Jack groaned, exasperation evident in the sound. "This again? Are you kidding me, Robby? I don't know how many times I can tell you I don't love her the way you do! I care about her deeply, but it's platonic. She's important to me, but you love her! You love her." His voice was barely a whisper by the end.
Robby swallowed thickly. "Just because you don't want her, doesn't mean she doesn't want you. I saw the look in her eyes when she asked for you."
"You saw what you wanted to see," Jack growled. "You saw a way out--an escape from what you're feeling. It's not about her anymore, it's about you and your inability to man the fuck up. If you stop self-sabotaging and just believe, for once, that you deserve to be loved, then maybe you'll actually allow yourself to be happy. You didn't even give her a chance to say what she felt. You ran because it was easier for you to believe she loves me than to accept that she loves you."
Robby hated Jack in that moment. Hated the way his friend saw through him--pointed out his flaws and then smacked him in the face with them. Most of all he hated that Jack was right. He'd let himself believe you wanted Jack because Jack was the kind of man you deserved. Level-headed, loyal, honest, genuine...all of the things Robby wanted to be, but struggled to achieve.
He hadn't even realized he was doing it...pushing you away and straight into Jack's arms. Not until this moment. Not until he was directly confronted with how destructive his behavior was. If he dared to let himself love you, and accept your love in return, then he would be solely responsible for your heart--and he wasn't sure he could take care of it the way you deserved.
The truth was, Robby didn't deserve you. He wasn't the man you thought him to be. He couldn't be what you needed, so he was choosing to spare you the inevitable heartbreak. Better to cut the cord now than to do it once you were truly invested.
"You're right," Robby admitted quietly, the words filling the room with a heavy tension. "I don't deserve her."
"Fuck, Robby," Jack interjected. "That's not what I said--"
"It doesn't matter," he said simply. "It's the truth. I can't love her the way she deserves. I'll only end up hurting her. I mean, look at today! I hurt her without even meaning to. I can't be what she deserves."
Jack stepped forward, trying to find something to say to get Robby out of his head, but no words came. Robby left the room before Jack could stop him, leaving Jack to wallow in the heavy silence Robby's absence left behind.
**********
In the two weeks you remained in the hospital before finally being discharged, every single member of the Pitt crew came and visited during their shift or off the clock. Every single one except Robby. You hadn't really expected him to come and see you, but you couldn't deny the slight tinge of sadness every time the door to your room opened and he wasn't the one walking in.
It made you feel slightly ashamed every time the feeling hit you. You were so happy to see everyone else, especially your beloved day shift crew, and it wasn't fair to them to wish they were someone else.
The one constant during those two weeks, other than Robby's absence, was Jack. He checked in on you every single day, making sure you had everything you needed. He'd always stay a couple hours past the end of his shift to sit and talk with you, even when you insisted he go home and get some sleep.
He was such an incredibly good friend and it warmed your heart to see him care for you the way he did. He went to your apartment and got you some things you'd asked for to make your stay more comfortable. He went out and bought the next book in the series you were reading so you'd have a book to read. He even snuck in good food from your favorite restaurant because you were tired of hospital food.
You were incredibly grateful for him and everything he did, but you couldn't help wishing it was Robby doing all those things. The guilt you felt because of it was horrifically overwhelming and you truly hated yourself for the way you felt.
Why couldn't you just want Jack? He was kind, sweet, funny, caring...he checked off every box on your list for the perfect boyfriend. There was just one problem--he wasn't Robby. No matter how hurt or angry you were, your feelings for Robby hadn't dimmed. At this point, those feelings did nothing but piss you the hell off.
You laid awake some nights begging any deity who would listen to please make these feelings stop--to put an end to your eternal misery--but apparently none of them were listening.
Now you were sitting on your couch in your own apartment, watching Jack rush around to make sure you had everything you needed within arm's reach, and just wishing you could love him.
"You okay?" he asked quietly, shaking you out of your thoughts.
"Hmm?" you hummed.
"You've been staring at me in silence for about ten minutes."
"I was just lost in thought." It wasn't entirely a lie, so you didn't feel bad for not fully answering his unasked question.
"You want me to pretend I believe you?" he asked with a raised brow.
You chuckled softly. "That would be great."
He rolled his eyes affectionately before leaning down to kiss the top of your head. "Do you need anything else before I go?"
You shook your head. "I'm good, Jack. Thank you."
"You're very welcome, sweetheart." He shrugged his jacket on. "Call me if you need anything, and I'll be back in the morning to check on you."
"Don't you dare wake me up at 7am, Jack Abbot."
He grinned. "7:30 it is then."
You groaned and he merely chuckled as he closed the door behind him, locking you safely into your apartment.
The moment he was gone, you were left alone with your thoughts. There were about 10,000 other places you wanted to be, none of which involved thinking of a man who clearly didn't care about you.
You felt stupid for ever thinking he could possibly feel the same way about you, perhaps even embarrassed for not seeing things for what they were.
You sighed in quiet annoyance as you turned on the TV, desperate to watch something mind-numbing to get your mind off of him. You laid down on the sofa, head against a throw pillow.
The TV played softly in the background as silent tears slipped down your face, dampening the pillow beneath your head. You closed your eyes, desperate to ignore both the tears and the ache that had settled in your chest you were scared would never go away.
**********
You hadn't been at work in five weeks. Five long weeks where Robby couldn't even bring himself to call you. He thought the time and the distance would make him want you less, but it was having the exact opposite effect.
Now, all he thought about was you. Every waking moment was filled with thoughts of you--how you were doing, if you were healing properly, what you were doing, were you getting enough sleep, were you eating enough? He had no right to ask any of those questions...at least, not to you directly.
That didn't stop him from asking everyone else how you were doing. He'd even asked a couple of the residents solely because he knew they'd gone to see you.
He'd just asked Dana how you were doing for the hundredth time, and he was completely unprepared for her response.
"Ya know, you've been asking about her every single day since the stabbing. You ask me, the nurses, even the residents, but you've never once asked (Y/N). Not once. I know because she told me."
"I-um--"
"You um what? You forgot how to use a phone? Don't have her number? I can give it to you. Hell, you can even use my phone. Just grow the hell up and talk to her yourself, Robinavitch, before you really piss me off."
Robby was more than a little mortified when she snapped at him, though he really couldn't blame her. It had been five weeks, after all. He probably should have been calling to check on you, even if it was just as the chief attending. It was his job to check on the welfare of his staff...and he'd let his feelings get in the way of that.
Even with all of that weighing on him, he still couldn't get himself to dial your number. He opened up the text thread between the two of you, but he couldn't think of a single thing to type that didn't sound off.
What was he supposed to say? 'Hey, sorry for pretending like you didn't exist for the past month and basically running away when you almost died, but how ya doin'?'
He groaned and slipped his phone back into his pocket before returning to the fray. Maybe he could think of something to say by the end of the shift.
**********
One week later, you walked back into the Pitt for the first time since that near-fatal night. You were looking forward to getting back to work, having found lounging around your house all day for weeks on end to be a truly boring existence. You thrived in the chaos of the ER and you craved it more than you cared to admit.
It had been six whole weeks of healing time...six weeks of not hearing a peep from your chief attending. Not even to see when you were coming back to work. You weren't even surprised anymore, and even the hurt had dissipated.
You were pretty certain whatever feelings you'd had for Robby had died along with his communication skills. At least, that's what you managed to tell yourself for the last month. If he didn't feel anything for you, then you wouldn't feel anything for him. End of story.
At least until you spotted him talking to Mel in front of central moments after you walked in. The tightness in your chest was shocking and overwhelming, and you felt the strong urge to run, to escape. You suddenly understood why both Robby and Jack visited the roof with such regularity.
Before you could get ahold of yourself, Mel spotted you. Her entire face lit up in a smile that soothed something deep in your chest. She ran to you with a loud cry of your name, hugging you tightly before you could even register what was happening.
"I missed you! Are you feeling better? You look great," she rambled.
You smiled at her. "I feel much better. It's good to see you, Mel."
You glanced past her and met Robby's stricken gaze. He hadn't realized today would be your first shift back, and he wasn't at all prepared for the way he would feel when he saw you.
Whatever feelings he'd thought he'd managed to suppress came back tenfold, slamming into his chest with no warning. It was that moment, as he held your unreadable gaze, he realized just how stupid he'd been.
He wanted to go to you, to try and explain himself, but he couldn't move. His feet were rooted to the spot. Even his vision had narrowed to just you. He thought he'd made the right decision in walking away, in keeping you at a distance, but it suddenly felt untenable. The desire to be near you was undeniable.
When he finally regained the ability to move, he took a step in your direction, but you were quickly surrounded by several other staff members eager to greet you after being away for so long.
Dana came up beside him, took one look at his face, and sighed dramatically. "I told you not to wait. Now look at yourself."
Robby tore his gaze from you to meet Dana's. "What?"
"You're looking at her like she's the only reason you're still breathing...but I know for a fact you never called her, even after I told you to." She shook her head. "Look at her face and tell me you think it's not too late."
Robby did just that, eyes drawn back to your face as if the pull was magnetic. Even with several people surrounding you, your eyes still wandered to his face every couple seconds, but your expression seemed to darken with a growing rage each time they did.
He knew then that Dana was right. It might already be too late...but he had to at least try and apologize. He'd never be able to forgive himself if he didn't at least do that.
He'd never hated himself more than in that moment. If his own stupidity and destructive behavior ruined his chances with you, he might never recover. What the fuck was wrong with him? What had he been thinking?
Once everyone had cleared off and you were able to finally approach central, Robby shook off his anxiety and moved towards you.
You were silent as he approached, face hardened, but your eyes betrayed the pain you felt on the inside.
"(Y/N/N)," he murmured, voice broken and low.
"You lost the right to call me that," you snapped. "Wouldn't you agree?"
Hurt flashed across his face, but you were right, and he knew it. "I'm sorry."
You nodded, but didn't speak.
"Not just for that--for everything."
You weren't about to let him off the hook that easily. "Define everything."
"I'm sorry for pulling away, for not being there when you needed me. I'm sorry for not calling, for not checking in on you. I'm sorry for basically disappearing from your life the second you needed me."
You nodded slowly. "Thank you for your apology."
You brushed past him, looking up at the board without another word. You had to get away from him before you broke down.
"I'll take North 2, Dana."
"You got it."
Robby watched as you walked away, while Dana watched him with sad eyes. When you were out of sight, he turned back to Dana, pain etched into his features.
"What did you expect? You royally screwed up."
Robby knew she was right, but that didn't make it hurt less. "I thought she would at least forgive me."
"You're gonna have to work a lot harder than that, Robinavitch."
The problem was, Robby wasn't good at this sort of thing--expressing his feelings, apologizing--none of it. He didn't know how to fix it, but he knew he had to try.
**********
"How're you holding up, kid?" Dana asked quietly a few hours later when she found you leaning against the wall in the bathroom.
You opened your mouth to lie, but the words that came out were painfully true. "I feel like my heart is in a thousand little pieces and each one is actively stabbing my insides."
Dana's frown deepened as she approached you.
"The worst part is I didn't expect to feel this way."
She slung her arm around your shoulder and gave you a firm squeeze. "I don't think he expected it either, to be fair."
You looked at her quizzically, brows furrowed and eyes narrowed.
"He asked about you every day, ya know. Every damn day. Asked all of us--anyone he thought might have talked to you."
You hadn't known that. "Why didn't he just come see me himself? Or at least call?"
She shook her head. "I have no idea, kiddo. He's clearly an idiot, but that's beside the point."
You chuckled softly and she continued.
"Robby's not exactly known for his communication skills or his emotional expression. I've known him a long time, (Y/N), and I've never seen him quite like this. He behaved poorly, I know that--and so does he--but I think it's a defense mechanism. He's a fool and he made a mistake, so let him keep trying to apologize. Let him at least try to make it up to you. You don't have to forgive him--that's up to you--but let him try."
You leaned your head against her shoulder. "I want to forgive him, Dana. I really do, but I don't know if I can trust him not to do this again."
"I know, kiddo. I know."
You let her hold you for several more minutes before you had to drag yourself back out onto the floor and get back to work.
Dana watched you walk away, a quiet sadness in her heart. She wanted to knock Robby upside his head for being so stupid, but she could see how terrible he felt and how much regret was eating him up inside. She was just going to have to keep pressuring him to continue begging for your forgiveness. At some point, both of you had to finally see what she'd seen all along...but you both had to come to that realization all on your own.
Robby spent the rest of the shift desperately trying to apologize and get back in your good graces. He was almost too nice, too soft with you at times and it only made annoyance bubble in your gut. You needed time to work through this, to forgive him. It wasn't going to happen in one 12 hour shift.
After what had to be the 10,000th apology of the day, you grabbed his arm and dragged him into peds, a look of exhaustion on your face. "Robby--"
"Wait, just let me--"
You held up your hand. "Please stop apologizing."
He fell silent.
"I get it okay? You're sorry. You messed up and you regret being a shitty friend. You should have checked on me and all that...I heard you, alright? I heard your apologies and I appreciate them. I really do. But I need time to process them all and decide how I feel, okay?"
He nodded.
"You hurt me, Robby. More than I care to admit. I'm not sure a pile of apologies is ever going to be enough to fix what's broken. I can't-I can't do this anymore." You gestured between the two of you. "This dance between us. Whatever it was--it's over now. I can't do it anymore."
His heart stopped beating and his world narrowed down to this moment. "(Y/N), please--"
"I can't, Robby," you whispered. "I just can't."
You brushed past him, tears slipping down your face as you exited the room. He stood there in silence, tears filling his eyes properly for the first time as he watched you walk away.
It felt like you weren't just walking out of the room, but away from everything he'd hoped to one day have with you--walking away from the future he hadn't fully allowed himself to dream of until it was shattered.
Series Summary: You're a new attending just starting at PTMC. Day one on the job you meet Dr. Robby and you're instantly smitten, despite the 17 year age gap. As it so happens, he might be more than a little interested in you, despite his better judgment.
Warnings: cursing, use of pet names, age gap (reader is 33, Robby is 50), small smattering of SMUT, oral (F receiving), protected sex (P in V).
A/N: Direct continuation of Part One, so I recommend reading that first.
Part One | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven (Pending)
Two months had passed since your first shift at PTMC. Two of the strangest months you could recall experiencing in your career--hell, maybe even your life.
Now, just because they were strange doesn't mean they were unenjoyable...unexpected was a more apropos term. You'd managed to become trauma-bonded with the entire team on day one, but what was unexpected was the closeness of the bond you now shared with Robby.
In some ways, it made sense. You'd shared bits of your own personal traumas with him, and you'd been there for him during his meltdown, but neither of you really expected to understand each other so implicitly.
You knew what he needed without him having to ask, anticipating his every move before he made it. In the middle of a procedure, you'd hand him the exact item he was looking for without him saying a word. When he got annoyed with a patient, you were always there to step in and calm the situation. When he got exacerbated with one of the residents or interns, you would ease the tension with a smile and well-timed anecdote.
Robby was notorious for a complete and utter lack of self-care, but you were always there to remind him to take a break, to eat something, to go home when the shift was over.
You'd even stepped in to argue with Gloria a time or two when Robby was seconds away from completely losing his cool with her. He was always blown away by how easily you navigated the administrative bullshit without compromising patient care or your own standards.
Robby wasn't used to having someone care the way you so clearly did--not just about the Pitt and all of its staff, but about him. He wasn't the kind of man that liked to be fussed over, but he never once felt like you were pushy.
You cared about everyone on the team--their physical and mental health, and their overall well-being. You made it a point to get to know each person on a deeper level, to the point where everyone started to come to you whenever they needed something.
Robby was certain that would normally bother him. If he was honest, he liked being the person everyone needed--the one everyone came to. Your arrival didn't make him feel like he was missing something or being pushed out. You made him feel just as included and important as you did everyone else. He thought of you as a blessing he didn't know he'd needed.
As for you, you'd noticed the change in Robby's demeanor with you fairly quickly after that first day. It wasn't sudden or all at once, but it was clear he trusted you implicitly and you knew it wasn't easy for him to give that trust to someone.
It was more than that though. He brought you coffee every morning because you were notorious for drinking your entire travel mug before even arriving at PTMC. He started keeping an extra hoodie in his locker just in case you needed it after a patient had thrown up all over yours and you hadn't had a backup. He even started listening to your favorite band simply because you'd mentioned it one day and he was curious about the music.
It was all the small things Robby did that made you wonder if he cared more than you'd initially thought. He was good with every member of the team--checking in on them, teaching them, comforting them when needed--but with you he was almost attentive.
He wanted to know everything about you, asking you questions about your life and your family just to get a glimpse into your world. When he asked how your weekend was or what you did the day before, he genuinely wanted to know. He wasn't just making small talk.
On the bad days, you found yourself up on the roof, looking out at the city and wondering what in the hell you were doing. More often than not, Robby found his way up there too. Sometimes he would just stand near you, letting you know he was there without pushing, and other times he would let you scream and yell, never once interrupting or shutting you down.
When the roles were reversed, you offered him the same curtesy. Most of the time, he didn't want to talk, but every once in a while he'd ask you to talk to him--to distract him from whatever was plaguing his mind. The sound of your voice soothed him in the way ocean waves soothed most people.
In two short months you'd managed to imbed yourself into his life so perfectly it was like you were always meant to be there. And Robby? Well he'd set up residence in your heart, his presence becoming more permanent with each passing day.
In that time, neither of you had spent time outside the Pitt together--not unless you counted the roof or the park across the street. It was almost like that was the last line you'd drawn to keep each other as coworkers and nothing more, even if neither of you realized it.
**********
“If chairs gets any more crowded there’s gonna be a goddamn riot,” you muttered as you limped to central and plopped into a chair beside Dana.
“Tell me about it,” she muttered. “Every room is full and there’s no way we’re getting any beds upstairs.”
“Seriously? North 2 has been sitting down here for almost a week waiting on a bed! I’ve got at least two other patients who have been waiting for days.”
She threw up her hands. “I know, I know. Nothing I can do. They insist they don’t have the room.”
“Don’t have the room my ass,” you grumbled under your breath as you massaged your elevated knee.
“What about not having room?” Robby asked as he appeared on the other side of the desk.
You pointed at the ceiling in annoyance, not bothering to look up from what you were doing.
Robby sighed, partially due to the continued stressors of poor staffing and partially due to seeing you in pain yet again. “I thought you made an appointment with an ortho?”
“I did, but I had to reschedule because I ended up pulling a double the day of my appointment.”
“(Y/N),” he groaned.
“I know, okay? It's not like you're the one dealing with the pain.”
Robby winced and Dana eyed you in slight surprise.
“Sorry,” you muttered, looking up to meet their gazes. “I didn’t mean to snap. It’s just been a long day and it hurts more than usual.”
“It’s alright,” Robby assured you. “You really need a brace, though.”
“If you find one lying around, I’ll gladly take it.” Your words were meant to be a joke, but Robby took them as a mission.
He knew there weren’t any knee braces in the Pitt—he’d definitely looked twice last week, though he wouldn’t admit it. Ortho was such shit at answering their phones, so he decided to take a trip upstairs and find a damn brace himself.
He was busy and the ER was overwhelmed, but he couldn’t have you in pain for the rest of the shift. You wouldn’t be nearly as productive…and more importantly, he hated seeing you in pain. Every time you winced, limped, or made a sound when you stood up made his chest ache. So he was getting you a brace even if he had to steal the damn thing.
He wasn't at all surprised to find ortho utterly devoid of doctors, a lone nurse the only employee to be seen. Robby sidled up to the desk and gave her his best smile. He knew how to turn on the charm when he needed to.
"Hey there, I'm Dr. Robby down in the ER. I'm in dire need of a knee brace if you guys have one up here to spare."
The nurse looked him over. "You seem to be walking fine."
"Oh, sorry--it's not for me. One of my doctors has an old knee injury and it's been acting up lately. She's in a lot of pain and we've got a good seven hours left in our shift. Any chance you can help me out?"
"She'd need to come up and see one of the docs on call."
Robby turned up the power on his smile to dazzling. "I know, but we're swamped and she doesn't want to bother anyone. If I promise to get her in to see one of the docs, will you let me borrow a brace? Please?"
The nurse sighed quietly, offering up her own small smile. "Fine, fine. What kind of brace does she need?"
"She tore her ACL twice, so I'd imagine she'd want something sturdy--supportive."
"Alright, let me go look."
"Thank you so much."
Robby waited at the nurse's station while she went to hunt down a brace. He hoped you would actually wear it and he wouldn't have to hold you down and strap it to your leg--which he absolutely would do.
The thought conjured up an image of you beneath him, body bare, chest heaving, sounds of pleasure slipping past your lips as he slowly fucked into you, forcing you to feel every inch of him over and over again.
He groaned loudly and ran a hand over his face as if the motion could push the images from his mind. He was embarrassed by how often his brain managed to create a thousand different scenes, all of which starred you in various stages of undress. He'd be mortified if you ever found out--hell, if anyone ever found out.
He most certainly should not be thinking about you in anything other than a purely professional, or at the most friendly, way, but he couldn't seem to resist. He was 50 years old, for crying out loud. There was no reason he should be having sexy day dreams about his coworker and he definitely shouldn't be having wet dreams about her--dreams that had him jolting awake in the middle of the night, cock throbbing so hard he couldn't think straight.
Factor in the age difference and it made him feel even worse. You'd probably think his desires were creepy if you ever found out about them, so he kept them to himself. He was painfully aware both Dana and Jack had noticed his obvious affection for you, but he'd claimed it was merely friendly. He was pretty sure neither of them believed a word he said.
Robby was jostled out of his thoughts when the nurse returned holding up a hinged knee brace.
"Will this do?"
Robby shot her a warm smile and took the offered brace. "This is perfect. Thank you so much. I owe you one."
She merely rolled her eyes with a small smile and waved him off. "Just make sure she sees one of the docs as soon as she can."
"Yes ma'am."
When Robby returned to the Pitt, you were no where to be found. He saw Dana in her usual spot at central and headed her way.
"Where's (Y/N)?" he asked as he approached.
"Don't know. Wasn't my turn to watch her," she muttered as she looked up at the ever-growing board.
"I-uh-I got her a brace."
Dana looked at him in shock. "Where the hell'd you find that?"
"Ortho."
"Did you steal it?"
"Technically I borrowed it."
Dana chuckled softly. "Better go and find her then."
Robby made his way around the department, managing to find everyone but you. Everyone he asked said they hadn't seen you; even Santos, who normally knew everyone's whereabouts, said she hadn't seen you in at least thirty minutes.
It wasn't until he passed by peds for the third time he realized he hadn't actually checked inside the room. He opened the door, popping his head in to scan the space for you.
"(Y/N)?" he called gently.
He heard your responding grumble from the other side of the curtain. "In here."
Robby fully entered the room, letting the door close behind him. When he looked past the curtain, he saw you sitting on the floor against the wall, legs out in front of you, and your eyes squeezed shut in pain.
"Jesus, sweetheart," he exclaimed, dropping to his knees beside you. "If it hurts this much, you really should go home."
"I'm fine," you managed to force out.
"You're sitting on the floor and breathing like you just ran a marathon. You are most definitely not okay."
You forced your eyes open and met his concerned gaze. "I just needed to sit for a minute."
"Alright, get up then."
Your eyebrows lifted halfway to your hairline. "Excuse me?"
"If you just needed to sit for a little bit, then go ahead and stand up. Prove to me you can."
Your eyes narrowed to a glare of defiance, but the moment you tried to pull yourself up, you let out a hiss of pain and slid back into a sitting position.
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
"No need to be so goddamn smug about it."
"You wouldn't want me any other way."
He had no idea just how true those words were.
"Besides, I come bearing gifts." He held up the hinged brace. "Wanna try it?"
"Where'd you find that?"
"Ortho."
"Did you steal it?"
He sighed. "Why does everyone just assume I'm stealing shit? You needed a brace, so I got you a brace."
You bit your lip to keep from commenting. The gesture was oddly sweet and it warmed something deep in your chest. "Thank you, Robby."
"You're welcome," he grunted, suddenly uncomfortable under your soft gaze. He looked down at your knee as he continued. "Do you know how to put it on?"
"I think I can figure it out," you commented lightly. It wasn't the first time you'd worn a hinged brace, after all.
"Right, okay." He stood up. "You, uh-you have to wear it against your skin."
"I know," you said quietly, giving him a pointed look.
"Oh, uh, yeah, right. I'll uh-I'll turn around." He turned so his back was to you. "Just let me know if you need any help."
You were slightly uncomfortable with the idea of taking off your pants in front of your boss, but at the end of the day, he was a doctor. Plus, he was giving you privacy.
In truth, you were uncomfortable with the idea of taking off your pants in front of him at work--because god knew you wanted to take your pants off with him in other contexts. You'd be a liar if you said you hadn't imagined his long fingers curled inside you, that smart mouth of his wrapped firmly around your clit as he worked you over the edge until you were screaming his name.
You groaned aloud as you pushed the image aside--this was absolutely not the time for this.
Robby mistook your groan for one of pain and his entire body tensed with the urge to help you. "You alright?"
"Yeah," you mumbled. "I'm good."
You were glad he couldn't see the hot red color deepening the skin across your face and neck. You would die of mortification if he ever got a glimpse of what lived inside your horny brain. Maybe you just needed to get laid and that would be enough to get him out of your system.
You made quick work of adjusting the brace properly before tugging your pants back on. The fabric caught against the brace, making it difficult to pull them up, but you managed to get them to a point of decency.
"Alright, you can look."
Robby turned, but he kept his eyes trained on where he knew your face would be. "Need help up?"
You nodded and stuck your hand out for him to grab. He helped pull you off the floor, his large, strong hand warm in yours. You tried not to think about how they would feel on other parts of your body...
"How's it feel?"
"Huh?" you startled. He couldn't possibly know what you were thinking--
"The brace. How's it feel?"
"Oh," you forced out a harsh laugh to cover your embarrassment. "It actually feels...nice."
"Yeah? Maybe try walking."
You did as he suggested and you had to admit the relief was immediate. "I can't even describe how much better it feels, Robby. Thank you."
"No need to thank me. Can't have my best doctor limping around the place looking like she's about two minutes from passing out."
You laughed. "So what's the catch?"
It was his turn to give you a confused look.
"What do I have to do for the brace?"
A small smirk spread across his handsome face. "You have to see one of the ortho docs. Preferably this week."
You groaned. "Fine, fine. If only to get you and Dana off my back. Not to mention Jack--he yelled at me about it for half the damn shift last week when I covered for Shen."
Robby felt a twinge of annoyance at the idea Jack would yell at you, but he quickly tamped the feeling down. Jack meant well, just as much as he himself did. He knew his friend a little too well...so he made the assumption Jack was being pushy for the exact same reason Robby was.
Robby hated himself for being jealous of Jack. As far as he knew, you and Jack were just friends...but he knew firsthand exactly how charming Jack could be when he wanted to. It didn't help that Jack was younger than him, objectively attractive, and a damn brilliant doctor. Hell, he was the reason you wanted to work at PTMC in the first place.
An image of you and Jack sharing a passionate kiss popped unbidden into his mind and he wanted to punch a wall at the sight. He had no right to think of you as belonging to him in any way, but he couldn't help the jealousy bubbling in his gut.
He would later blame that jealousy for the words he blurted out. "I didn't realize you and Jack were so close."
It was an irrational and downright odd thing to say, and his words shocked you. Sure, you and Jack were friends, but nothing more. Not that it mattered--nor was it any of Robby's business. Your annoyance was immediate and it showed in your response. "I didn't realize I had to make a list of all my friends for your approval."
Robby's brows lifted at your retort. "Just the ones you're sleeping with."
You took a step back as if he'd slapped you, jaw dropping at his words. "Excuse me? For the record, Jack is my friend. Even if I was fucking him, it would be no business of yours."
Robby mentally kicked himself for suggesting that, especially because you were right--it wasn't his business either way. But now he couldn't get the image of you wrapped in Jack's arms the way he wanted you in his, and it made him irrationally angry.
"So you are fucking him?"
"You're unbelievable," you snapped. "I'm going back to work. Come talk to me when you grow up, Robinavitch."
With that, you left him stewing in his anger and shame, alone in the one room in this godforsaken hospital where all his trauma lived.
**********
You hadn't spoken to Robby the rest of your shift. You were too angry. So angry in fact, that you ended up switching with Ellis for your next shift with him.
Robby had been surprised to see Ellis walking in instead of you. He didn't know why she was there until she told him you'd asked to switch shifts with her. Robby felt another sharp stabbing pain in his chest that he couldn't quite identify. It felt a hell of a lot like shame and regret.
When shift change arrived, you walked in chatting with Jack, having run into each other in the parking garage on your way in. You were laughing at something he said right as Robby noticed your presence.
You felt him starring, but you chose not to acknowledge him, instead keeping your eyes glued to Jack's animated face as he talked.
Even during report, you never offered more than a curt 'thank you' or an extremely professional question. Jack noticed instantly, but opted not to comment on it until Robby left for the night.
"Alright spill," he urged as he came up beside you in front of central, leaning against the desk with a raised brow. "What the hell is going on with you and Robby?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," you lied not-so-smoothly, eyes locked onto the board above your head.
"C'mon (Y/N). I'm not an idiot. Not only did you switch shifts with Ellis, but you barely even looked at the guy during report."
"Since when do I have to look at someone to listen to them?"
Jack gave you a look you could feel, even if you couldn't see his face. "Sweetheart, what's up? Did he do something to upset you?"
Jack had started calling you sweetheart within the first week of working together. It was just his way of showing affection, but hearing it tonight suddenly made you wonder if he wanted more from this relationship than you'd originally thought.
You turned to look at him, his soft expression filled with concern, and you immediately buckled. "He thinks we're sleeping together."
Jack sputtered, eyes going wide as he absorbed your words. "Jesus. Well, uh...that's...shit. Not like I'd say no, but we're just friends. Did you tell him that?"
You smacked Jack's arm affectionately. "Of course I told him that! He didn't seem to believe me. I was more angry he even suggested it in the first place--not that you're not extremely handsome and I'd obviously be flattered, but I like-" You cut yourself off before you could admit anything else.
Jack studied your face in silence for a moment, accurately reading exactly what lived in your head--and your heart.
"You like him--Robby."
"No, of course not" you insisted immediately.
The look on his face told you he absolutely didn't believe you. "C'mon, (Y/N). He'd have no reason to be jealous of you and I if he didn't like you."
For some reason, the thought hadn't occurred to you. You blamed it on the anger you felt at the way he'd spoken to you.
"Shit."
Jack laughed warmly. "Yeah. Shit."
When Robby arrived the following morning for shift change, you grabbed his attention before he even managed to set his bag down.
"Can we talk?"
Robby gave you an indecipherable look, but nodded. He gestured for you to follow him, leading you down to peds and shutting the door behind you the moment you'd crossed the threshold.
"This is becoming a habit," you joked, "meeting here."
Robby cracked a small smile. "Maybe this time it'll end better."
You sighed, breath exhaling in a long, slow drag. "I'm--"
"I'm sorry," he cut in before you could say another word. "I shouldn't have said any of that. You were right, it's not my business and I--"
"We really are just friends, Robby," you insisted.
"It doesn't matter because I shouldn't have assumed and it was wrong of me to even suggest it."
"Apology accepted."
"I'm not finished apol--"
"Water under the bridge," you affirmed. "But if you ever pull some shit like that again, I will dismember you and feed your body through a wood chipper. Got it?"
Robby let out a breathy laugh through his nose. "Jesus, that's graphic."
You gave him a pointed look.
He threw up his hands in mock surrender. "Alright, alright. I promise to never be that level of asshole again."
You smiled. "Good answer. Now, I'm gonna go home and pass the fuck out. I'll see you tomorrow morning."
Robby watched you leave, feeling better than he'd felt in a few days. He was still mad at himself for being such an asshole, but having your forgiveness really did make a huge difference.
On your way out, you ran right into McKay, who shot you a bright smile. "Hey, (Y/L/N)! When are you gonna be back on our shift? It's not as fun without you."
You returned her expression. "Tomorrow morning."
"You and the boss get your shit figured out?"
You raised a brow and opened your mouth to protest, but she cut you off.
"Don't try to lie--you could cut that tension with a knife the other day."
You groaned. "I try to keep the drama to a minimum, so I'm sorry you saw that. We're good now though, I promise."
"Alright, good." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Hey, I wanted to ask you--do you want to go out with some of us girls after our shift tomorrow?"
"If you tell me you're going to a club, the answer will be a resounding no."
She laughed. "Absolutely not. I'm too old for that shit too. Me, Samira, Santos, Princess, Perlah, and Whitaker are all going out to the bar for a drink. Nothing crazy."
"Girls night plus Whitaker?"
She shrugged. "He's one of us."
You shot a glance over your shoulder at the young man in question. He was trailing after Santos, arguing over something benign. "Yeah, you're right." You turned back to her. "Alright, fine. Count me in. I need to get laid anyway. Maybe I'll find someone who doesn't annoy the shit out of me to spend the night with."
Cassie's responding laugh turned into a choked sound as she looked over your shoulder with wide eyes.
You sighed heavily. "Who's behind me?"
The person cleared their throat uncomfortably, and from that sound alone you knew exactly who it was. "Shit," you muttered under your breath.
When you turned, Robby was staring at you with a look of discomfort on his face, hand rubbing at the back of his neck like he always did when he was uncomfortable.
"How much of that did you hear?"
"I can pretend I didn't hear any of it if you'd like."
"Yes, please." You looked back at Cassie, but she'd scurried off to avoid the awkward exchange. You shot a glare at her back you knew she could sense by the stifled giggles she let escape. "I'm going home before I say anything else horrifically embarrassing."
Robby found himself biting back the words on the tip of his tongue. He was about two seconds away from volunteering to help you with your little problem--the restraint he'd shown in the last two months crumbling almost beyond repair.
"I will see you tomorrow, Robby. Let's pretend the last three minutes didn't happen. Preferably forever."
He laughed awkwardly. "Yeah, I'll uh-I'll do that."
If you weren't so tired, you'd have trudged up to the roof and launched yourself off it just to save yourself from the embarrassment of the last few minutes.
**********
Your next shift was oddly calm, to the point of being almost concerning. None of you remarked on it for fear of jinxing yourselves, but everyone noticed the quiet and did their best to enjoy it.
When the end of the shift came and everything was still mostly quiet, you felt beyond relieved. You just wanted to have a nice night with the girls (and Whitaker), and perhaps get lucky.
You were desperate to get all thoughts of your boss out of your head. You didn't even want to remember his name by the end of the night. You felt so pent up that you were certain you'd jump the man's bones if he even suggested the slightest hint of interest.
As you grabbed your coat, Santos slid up beside you with a shit-eating grin on her face. "I hear you need to get railed."
"Jesus, Santos," you hissed.
"What? We're off the clock."
"I'm still technically your boss."
"Yeah...but like..." She gestured vaguely around her. "...off the clock."
You groaned and dropped your head into your hands. "You are a massive pain in my ass."
"I bet you'd like some pain in your ass."
The startled sound that escaped from behind you told you the conversation had been overheard--and not by one of the girls.
You didn't want to turn around, especially when you felt Santos stiffen awkwardly beside you. You shot a glance over your shoulder and decided the universe must actually have something against you.
Robby stood less than a foot away, his neck, cheeks, and even the tips of his ears tinged red. You decided it might be best to step into oncoming traffic.
"Don't say a damn thing," you muttered, holding your hand out towards him.
He made a gesture across his lips, throwing away the invisible key with a little smirk. The twinkle in his eyes made you want to punch him, but he held true to his silent promise.
"I'm gonna kill you," you grumbled under your breath to Santos.
She had the audacity to laugh as she practically skipped towards the door.
"I'm gonna jump off the fucking roof if you overhear one more thing," you huffed.
Robby threw up his hands. "In my defense, I'm not trying to overhear anything."
"At least I didn't say it this time."
"I don't know if that makes it better or worse."
You groaned loudly. "Fuck me."
He knew your words were out of exasperation and not an invitation, but god did he wish they were. He wanted to be the one to give you the pleasure you deserved and the release you so desperately craved, but he wasn't about to insert himself where he wasn't wanted.
He shook his head with a small smile as he tore his gaze from your face. "Have fun tonight, but be careful please."
"I'm probably gonna end up babysitting these crazies, so I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."
He didn't bother saying he always worried about you--he figured it wasn't something you cared to hear.
When you caught up with Santos, she was grinning ear to ear, as were Cassie, Samira, Princess, Perlah, and freaking Whitaker.
"You tell the entire Pitt staff?" you bemoaned.
Santos grinned. "I couldn't find Abbot, Dana, or Javadi, and Mel left already--but I'll tell them later."
"I hate you."
"I don't think you're allowed to hate her," Perlah cut in with a smirk. "Since you're the boss and all."
You shot her a glare too. "I'm starting to regret agreeing to this."
Cassie slung her arm through yours. "Oh come on, we're just teasing! Let's just go get a drink, unwind, and find some hot guy you can hook up with!"
Every single one of them let out a loud 'whoop!"--except Whitaker, who had the grace to look the tiniest bit embarrassed, though he was smiling widely.
When you got to the bar, it was blissfully not crowded. Just enough people to make it interesting without being annoying or overwhelming.
"See anyone you like?" Santos whispered in your ear.
You'd already glanced around the bar, but no one piqued your interest. "Not really."
"Too young for you?" she teased.
You shot her a slightly confused look.
"Oh come on, you really telling me there's not something going on with you and Abbot?"
Your jaw dropped. "Why does everyone seem to think there's something going on with me and Jack?"
"First of all, you call him Jack," Samira stated. "Second, he calls you sweetheart. He doesn't call anyone else sweetheart."
"Okay, well he's my colleague and on the same level as me. I can call him by his first name," you argued. "Also, he's just verbally affectionate, okay? We're just friends. If we weren't I wouldn't need to get laid."
"You sure? He's pretty hot," Samira prodded.
"Oh my god." You rolled your eyes. "If you think he's so hot, then you date him."
She just laughed, but Cassie leaned forward with a mischievous glint in her eye. "What about Robby?"
You froze. "What about him?"
"Is he more your type?"
"I don't have a type," you insisted a little more quickly than you should have.
"You sure about that?" Princess asked. "I've seen the way he looks at you when you're not paying attention."
"Girl, please," Perlah added. "We all have."
Santos nodded. "He does look at you like he's considering bending you over the central hub desk."
"Jesus," you groaned. You shot Whitaker a pleading look. "Save me."
"Even I have to admit he does look at you a lot."
"Y tu Brute?"
Whitaker shrugged with a slight wince. "Sorry, doc."
"For your information, Robby and I are friends--nothing more. It's a workplace, not a brothel."
"Depends on the day," Cassie muttered. "It's not like Robby hasn't slept with half the hospital at one point or another."
"Well if that doesn't make you want him, I don't know what will," Santos teased.
"Can we please stop talking about Jack and Robby--or anyone we work with for that matter?" you begged. "Focus on finding me some entertainment for the night. Maybe some for Whitaker too."
"Oh don't drag me into this," he protested.
Santos's grin was enough to make his pale skin whiten further. "Oh this is going to be fun."
She grabbed his arm and started pulling him deeper into the bar. He looked back with one last look of desperation, but you all just waved at him, silently wishing him luck.
An hour later, you found yourself chatting with an attractive man who'd asked to buy you a drink. His name was Kyle and he was 32, handsome, well-built, and polite...everything you'd want for a night, or even more. Yet, you found yourself comparing him to Robby.
Robby was taller, older, handsomer. Kyle's eyes lacked the soft crinkles at the corners when he smiled. His hands were smooth and soft, so unlike Robby's strong, callused ones. His smile didn't make you feel like the breath was being sucked from your lungs. He didn't make your knees weak with a single look.
It took you mere minutes to come to terms with your biggest issue...he wasn't Robby. As much as you didn't want to want him, Robby was all you thought about, even as Kyle spoke, your brain was preoccupied with another man.
You were so desperate to forget Robby, to push him from your mind even if it was for just one night. You heard yourself ask Kyle if he wanted to go someplace more private, even though you weren't really interested in the guy.
He, of course, jumped at the chance, offering to pay your tab before escorting you outside where he called an Uber. You knew better than to go home with some strange guy, but you couldn't think straight tonight. You needed to get Robby out of your head and the only way to do that was this age-appropriate, very attractive man.
You texted the group your location, making sure they could track you so if you ended up murdered, at least they'd know where to start looking. Kyle was so friendly and sweet, chatting with you the entire way to his place, but you weren't really listening. It probably made you a shitty person, but you couldn't force yourself to care.
The moment you got to his apartment, you practically dragged Kyle through the door, attaching your lips to his with a hunger you couldn't control.
Within seconds, your clothes were scattered on the floor along with his as he pushed you back towards the bedroom.
Even as his mouth kissed down your body, all you could think of was how Robby’s soft lips would feel—how the scratch of his beard would delight your sensitive skin.
You tried so desperately to push the thought from your mind, wanting to focus on the man whose head was now firmly between your legs, but you couldn’t.
It felt good, it really did—but you just knew Robby would do it better. Maybe it was the experience he certainly had, or perhaps it was the way he could read you like a book, anticipating what you needed or wanted without you having to say a single word.
Kyle’s tongue was circling your clit in a way you’d normally find pleasurable, but it just wasn’t doing it for you tonight. You grabbed his head and pulled him back up to you, kissing him desperately as you pushed images of Robby from your mind.
“I need you to fuck me,” you begged.
Kyle nodded eagerly, reaching into the nightstand drawer for a condom. You flipped over onto your hands and knees, ass in the air, ready and willing.
Kyle lined himself up with your pulsing core, sliding in slowly to give you time to adjust—time you didn’t need. He wasn’t small, but not big either. You just needed him to fuck every thought out of your head.
“Harder, please.”
He immediately started fucking into you properly, a slew of groans and whimpers leaving his lips. When he started to talk dirty to you, telling you how good you felt, you were reminded of exactly who was fucking you—and who wasn’t.
“Don’t talk,” you ordered.
If you had actually taken a second to think, you wouldn’t have said something so harsh, but you were losing yourself in a fantasy you shouldn’t be entertaining.
If you closed your eyes, you could pretend it was Robby’s hands on your body, his cock slamming into you, his soft groans of need filling the room. It didn’t matter that you shouldn’t indulge—you were too far gone. Imagining Robby had you nearing your peak with the kind of speed that should have embarrassed you.
“Oh god, please—please don’t stop.”
Kyle fucked you harder, feeling the way you were pulsing around him, knowing you were moments away from release.
He slipped one hand around you, fingers toying with your clit in just the right way to send you spiraling over the edge with a desperate cry, Robby’s name slipping past your lips without you realizing.
The rapid squeezing and pulsing of your pussy around his cock had Kyle spilling into the condom before it dawned on him you’d said someone else’s name.
When he pulled out, you collapsed on the bed, breathing heavily as you came down from your orgasm. Kyle threw the condom away in the bathroom and came back out with a towel, which he handed to you to clean up with.
“It’s Kyle, by the way,” he said quietly.
“Huh?”
“My name. It’s Kyle.”
You looked at him in confusion. “I know…?”
“You-uh-you said ‘Robby’ when you came.”
You were certain you’d never been more horrified in your life. If the ground would just swallow you up you’d be beyond grateful.
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry.”
He shrugged good-naturedly. “It’s okay. It happens.”
“I am genuinely sorry. I-I should go.”
He nodded as he quietly pulled his pants back on. You got dressed as fast as you could, leaving before your uber had even arrived.
You were standing out on the sidewalk, feeling like a complete and utter fool. You couldn’t believe your plan had backfired so spectacularly. You’d intended to get Robby out of your head, but instead you’d managed to do nothing but think about him the entire time—literally called out his name as you came. It couldn’t get any worse than that.
**********
Two days later, you were standing in the break room, nursing a headache as you recovered from the night of drinking you’d done to forget your massively embarrassing slip of the tongue with Kyle.
Cassie popped into the room, bright smile on her face. “Soooo how was it?! Tell me everything!! You didn’t answer your phone at all yesterday.” She pouted slightly at your lack of sharing.
“I cannot even begin to describe how not great it was.”
“Oh no—he didn’t get you off?”
“Depends on what you mean by ‘he’,” you mumbled.
She looked confused. “Umm…I’m confused. Did he or didn’t he?”
“His body did…but I-I was imagining someone else and I…fuck,” you groaned as your head fell into your hands. You didn’t hear the door open as you bemoaned, “I said someone else’s name.”
Cassie’s jaw dropped. “Oh my god. You said someone else’s name when he was fucking you?”
"Worse--I said it when I came."
Before Cassie could respond, a distinctly masculine voice cut in, "Well I certainly walked in here at the wrong time."
Your head shot up and you caught his mischievous gaze. "Jack," you exhaled in relief. "Thank god it's you."
He lifted a single brow.
"If Robby overheard me say one more goddamn thing about my sex life, I think I'd actually jump off the roof."
They both laughed, though Jack tried to stifle it on your behalf.
"So," Cassie started with a small smile. "Whose name did you say?"
You rolled your eyes and pushed past her, intent on heading for the door. "Nope. We are absolutely not having this conversation."
"Wait, does that mean it's someone we know?"
The glare you shot her was answer enough. "Oh my god--it is! Who is it? I have to know."
You groaned loudly. To your utter embarrassment, even Jack was looking at you expectantly. "It doesn't matter. It was just a slip of the tongue, okay?"
"I've never called out someone else's name during sex," Jack muttered, shooting Cassie a look. "Have you?"
"Definitely not," she confirmed. "So it's more than a slip of the tongue."
"Ya know what? I hate you both." You reached the door and grumbled without looking back at them. "I have actual work to do."
Both Jack and Cassie couldn't help the laughter that bubbled up as you left the room. Jack had the grace to feel slightly bad about it, but he couldn't hide his mirth.
"Who do you think it is?" Cassie asked him.
Jack thought about it for a moment. "Process of elimination really only leaves one option."
"Which is?" she prompted.
"Well, it's probably someone on day shift since that's her primary shift, which rules out me, Shen, and the night nurses. It's definitely not Langdon since he's married. Can't be Whitaker. He's a sweet kid, but a kid nonetheless. Same goes for Mateo. The other male nurses are all married. I suppose it could be someone in another department, but then why not just tell us?"
"Who does that leave?"
Jack stared at her in pointed silence. It took her mere seconds to realize the only option that remained.
"Oh my god, Robby. It's Robby, isn't it?!"
Jack shrugged. "Can't say for sure, but that would be my bet."
Cassie looked out the small window towards the Pitt, spotting Robby across the way. "No, it can't be. I made a joke about it the other night and she insisted they were just friends." She looked back at Jack. "Are you sure it's not you?"
"If it were me, I think she would have looked significantly more uncomfortable when I overheard your conversation."
She sighed. "Yeah you're probably right. I just--I can't picture her liking Robby."
"I'd bet my next paycheck on it." He didn't mention the conversation he'd had with you several days ago...the one where he was certain you were about to admit to him that you liked Robby.
"Damn. That's a fair amount of certainty coming from you."
Jack shrugged. "Robby's a good guy--he'd be good for her."
"Even if it is him, there's no way she'd admit it. I tried and she stonewalled the shit out of me."
He nodded. "Maybe I can get him to admit it."
"You think he likes her?"
"Oh come on, McKay. You're the most observant person on this shift. Don't tell me you haven't noticed the way he looks at her."
She was quiet as she thought back on it. To be honest, she'd definitely noticed, but she hadn't been paying much attention to Robby lately. Not since your arrival, anyway. She'd never tell him, but you were definitely her favorite attending. She'd mostly been joking the other night when she brought up the way he looked at you...but now she was starting to wonder if it was more than just a joke.
Jack patted her on the back. "Pay attention today. Let me know what you think."
"Yeah. Yeah I will."
Unfortunately for you, Cassie wasn't the only person asking questions about the other night. Santos had asked you, as had Samira, but you'd told them both it wasn't anything special. You'd opted not to mention your little slip up, especially after the way Cassie had reacted.
You were standing at central, charting for your third patient of the day, when Perlah came up to the desk in front of you. She leaned her arms onto the desk, resting her head in her hands as she watched you.
"Yes, Perlah?" you muttered, not looking up.
"So? How'd it go?"
"You mean to tell me McKay, Mohan, and Santos haven't told you yet?"
She looked surprised. "They already know? Rude."
You rolled your eyes. "McKay cornered me before I even clocked in."
She laughed. "Sounds right. Now, quit stalling. Spill."
You shrugged. "It was nothing special."
"Aww, man." She sighed. "He was hot too."
"Honestly, it wasn't him. He was nice and did his best to please me, but my head wasn't really in the game, ya know?"
Robby had just stepped up to the computer behind you and to the right, unintentionally overhearing your conversation. You didn't notice his presence, too preoccupied with trying to get out of explaining anything further to Perlah.
"Not in the game? Wasn't the whole point of going out so you could get laid?" she whispered conspiratorially.
You groaned and shifted your weight. "Technically, it was McKay's idea."
"Was he the first one since you moved here?"
You nodded.
"Then what's got you stuck in your head? Did you leave someone behind in Philly?"
That really got Robby's attention, and he found himself instinctively leaning towards you to hear your response.
"God no," you said with a choked laugh. "My ex was an absolute trash bag of a human being."
She gave you a pointed look. "Then what?"
You sighed heavily. "Maybe I was just tired."
"Tired. Right." She eyed you for a long moment. "Is it Dr. Abbot?"
"Sweet Jesus," you muttered under your breath. "You sound like Santos. No, it's not Dr. Abbot."
She didn't look convinced. She glanced over at where Robby sat frozen, fingers lying on the keyboard without moving. "Well it's gotta be someone."
"Perlah," you huffed.
"Fine, fine." She threw up her hands as she backed away. "We can talk about it later."
"I'm so not talking about this later," you grumbled when she was out of earshot.
Robby kept his eyes trained on the computer in front of him, though he'd neglected to type a single word. He was too busy processing the conversation you'd just had with Perlah.
Clearly you'd found someone to sleep with when you went out the other night, but if he'd understood properly, you hadn't actually enjoyed yourself. Some part of him felt smug about it--knowing full well that he'd never let you leave his bed unsatisfied--but he pushed the thought away immediately.
He couldn't help but wonder who it was you were so hung up on, if Perlah's estimation was correct. If it wasn't Jack or someone from Philly, he couldn't really think of anyone who would fit the bill.
He was ashamed to admit it, but he really wanted to know. It was on his mind for the entirety of the rest of the shift. He spent half his day observing every single one of his male colleagues, wondering if it could be them.
By the end of the shift, he'd ruled out every person on the day shift, and all of the night shift while he was at it. Which just left people in other departments...but you were still new enough that you only really interacted with people that came down to the Pitt regularly.
No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't come up with a single name that might be the person you were thinking about. Except for one, but he refused to even entertain the possibility. He was absolutely certain he wouldn't be able to handle being wrong, so he decided to not even let the thought cross his conscious mind.
Unbeknownst to Robby, McKay had spent her day paying extra attention to him, just as Jack had suggested. It didn't take more than an hour of observation to determine he was right. She wasn't sure if you felt the same way, or if you were even aware of Robby's obvious feelings for you, but she was absolutely certain his existed.
It wasn't hard to see once she actually started looking. Whenever you came into a room, Robby's eyes immediately sought you out, even absentmindedly. If he heard your voice, he'd drift closer to it, as if it was calling out to him specifically. Even if he heard your name, his head shot up like it was his name being called.
He'd popped into trauma one during a procedure earlier just to see if everything was under control. McKay was helping guide Mel, and you were standing off to the side in quiet observation. McKay couldn't help but notice the way Robby slid up beside you, body closer than it needed to be as he asked how everything was going. You'd answered him without looking in his direction, but a small smile still made its way onto the older man's face. If she hadn't already been certain of his feelings, that moment would have sealed the deal.
She was grabbing her things from her locker when Jack came in. She shot him a knowing look that summoned him straight to her side. "You were right."
"I'm always right," he joked. "Did she confirm or?"
"Nothing from her, but I watched him...and I'm 99% certain."
Jack smirked. "I knew it. I'm gonna talk to him before he leaves."
McKay wished him luck as he stepped fully into the Pitt, heading towards Robby with a wave over his shoulder.
Robby smiled at his friend, but the expression slipped slightly when Jack's returning smile didn't quite meet his eyes.
"Got a second for a roof convo?"
Robby nodded, immediately following Jack in silence.
When they reached the roof, he shifted back and forth, waiting for Jack to speak. He was, however, utterly unprepared for what he was about to hear.
"When I met my wife, I knew she was different," he said softly. "She saw me in a way no one else ever had, and if I'm honest it scared the shit out of me at the time. Now looking back, there's nothing I wouldn't give to feel that way again. To have someone see all of me and still want me."
Jack turned to face Robby fully, eyes sad as he continued. "You never know when your time is up. I think we know that better than most. So when you meet someone that makes life a little brighter, you hold onto them as tightly as you can because letting go would kill some part of you that you couldn't live without."
Robby wasn't sure where Jack was going with this, so he waited in silence for his friend to reach the point.
"You've spent most of your adult life running when shit got too real, but now you're running before it even happens. It's like you won't let yourself be happy--like you don't think you deserve it."
Confusion settled heavily onto Robby's face. "What are you talking about? I'm happy."
"Don't lie to me, Michael. I know you better than that."
"Fine, maybe not happy, but I'm okay."
"I wouldn't even go that far," Jack muttered. "But that's not my point. I'm not talking about career satisfaction or your abilities in the ER. I'm talking about the woman you're refusing to allow yourself to want."
Robby's cheeks lost every drop of color they'd held. "What--"
"I know you. I know you. And I know you're hiding behind something, so what is it? Is it because you're the chief attending, so you're technically her boss? Or is it the age gap?"
"I-I don't know what you're talking about."
Jack's responding silence was louder than any words he could have said.
Robby exhaled heavily. "Does it really matter?"
"I wouldn't be asking if it didn't."
He sighed. "She's 17 years younger than me, Jack."
"Does that matter to you?"
"No," he admitted. "But I'm sure it matters to her."
"How would you know? Have you asked her?"
"Of course not!" He blurted. "Why-why are you even asking me this?"
"Because you deserve to be loved, Robby. You deserve someone that sees you, really sees you, flaws and all, and still shows up. Still gives a damn."
"What makes you think that's her?" he whispered.
Jack sighed softly. "Because I pay attention. She fits into your life like she was always meant to be there, and if you were being honest with yourself, I think you'd admit you fit into hers in the same way."
Robby stared at the ground for a long moment, contemplating his next words. "What if you're wrong?"
"I really don't think I am." He placed a comforting hand on Robby's shoulder. "Just talk to her, man. Feel her out a little--if you think she doesn't feel the same way as you, then you can back off. But don't keep it to yourself out of some self-destructive desire to be alone."
Robby finally looked back up, eyes filled with complex emotions Jack couldn't even begin to decipher. "Alright. I'll talk to her."
**********
A/N: I promised there would be smut in this part...I just didn't say it would be with Robby. ;) (please don't kill me)
Summary: You're a new attending just starting at PTMC. Day one on the job you meet Dr. Robby and you're instantly smitten, despite the 17 year age gap. As it so happens, he might be more than a little interested in you, despite his better judgment.
Warnings: cursing, age gap (reader is 33, Robby is 50) hospital drama, mention of suicide, death, brief mention of cancer and sexual assault, ER-related things
A/N: Takes place over the course of season one. Part two will take place after season one and will most certainly contain smut. :)
Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven (Pending)
"Don't forget--you've got the new interns starting today," Jack Abbot reminded Robby as they made their way back into the ER. "Oh and that new attending."
"Shit--I forgot about the attending," Robby muttered.
"What would you do without me?" Jack teased.
"Either crash and burn or live a peaceful life, I haven't quite decided yet."
Jack rolled his eyes and waved off his friend as they approached the central hub where Dana was already waiting with a small group of what appeared to be new interns.
"Do they all look like kids or are we just getting old?" Robby mumbled under his breath.
"Probably both," Jack affirmed.
"Jesus." Robby plastered his best attempt at a professional smile on his face as he greeted the new interns.
In the midst of his short spiel about the ER, you approached quietly from off to the side, not wanting to interrupt his speech. You'd arrived a half hour before your shift to get the lay of the land, but you had yet to meet your chief attending.
Your initial thought was that you liked his voice--something about it was both incredibly soothing and wonderfully masculine. It stirred something deep in your gut you chose to ignore.
Your vantage point allowed you to observe the small group without any of them noticing, so you took your time scanning each of them with a well-trained eye. The students looked younger than you expected, but each of them looked eager to be there. The thought made you smile.
When your eyes landed back on the chief attending, you finally allowed yourself to properly take him in, top to bottom. He was incredibly handsome, undeniably so, and you estimated him to be in his late 40s/early 50s. His expression gave off an air of no-nonsense, but there was a slight twinkle in his eyes that belied a much friendlier air.
You had hoped for an easy transition to your new position, but you hadn't planned on being so instantly attracted to your boss. He was an unexpected wrench thrown into your well-laid plans, but you had no intention of making your thoughts known. You were a professional, and you would remain as such regardless of how handsome you found the older man to be.
You heard him finish his speech with a warm, "Welcome to the Pitt," the words a clear dismissal of the small group around him. He turned to the nurse you'd met earlier--Dana, if you recalled correctly--and asked her if she'd seen the new attending...aka you.
"Unlike you, she was early," Dana teased affectionately.
He rolled his eyes good-naturedly and rose back up to his full height. "If she was early, then where is she?" His keen eyes scanned the space around him just as you stepped forward.
When his eyes landed on you, they widened in surprise. An unreadable expression crossed his face before he schooled it into a practiced neutral look.
You took it as your cue to approach him properly. "Hi, I'm Dr. (Y/L/N)."
He shook your outstretched hand. "Dr. Robinavitch, but everyone calls me Dr. Robby."
"Pleasure to meet you, Dr. Robby."
"The pleasure is mine."
Dana raised her eyebrows and a knowing smirk crossed her face, but she chose to remain silent.
"I-uh, I heard your speech."
Robby chuckled softly. "Was it as cringeworthy as it felt?"
"Oh, absolutely," you replied, a light tilt to your voice.
Robby's expression told you he heard the humor in your voice and approved of it. "Have you had the grand tour already?"
You nodded. "Lena was gracious enough to give it to me before she left."
"Excellent. Let me introduce you to the team and we can walk through our procedures."
"Sounds good."
Robby spent the next thirty minutes introducing you to every resident, intern, nurse, and other ER staff member he came across. You needed to know everyone to do your job, but his reasoning was much more selfish. If he dragged you around to meet everyone, he was afforded the opportunity to observe you more closely.
When his eyes had landed on you for the first time, his initial thought was that you were exceptionally beautiful. His second thought was that you were most definitely quite a bit younger than him. He'd pushed his initial attraction down, but he couldn't help admiring you as he led you around the ER.
Your smile was warm with every new person you met, eyes seemingly cataloguing each person's face as if to memorize it for later. He noticed how the nurses seemed to instantly like you, which was vitally important to your success in the ER, especially if you were going to be working on his team. He wouldn't have anyone treated with disrespect--especially not the nurses.
Once you'd met everyone, Robby began to talk you through the basics of how the Pitt operated--and the expectations he had for all of his doctors.
"We don't get as many crazies as night shift, but we do get our fair share of wild cases. You've gotta be quick on your feet and efficient in your work. Patients don't like to be kept waiting for long, but we don't have much of a choice these days."
You nodded. "I'm assuming you have a staffing issue too?"
He quirked a brow at you. "Too?"
"I did my residency and first couple years as an attending in Philly. We had a massive staffing issue due to 'budget constraints'--at least that's what admin always told us when we complained. In other words, admin didn't want to pay the money to hire more nurses to staff the departments so we could get people out of the ER and into an actual bed."
Robby couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. "I take it you don't buy admin's bullshit either?"
You smirked. "Not even a little bit."
Just that short exchange made him like you even more. "How long were you an attending?"
"Five years."
"All in the ER?"
"Yup. Wouldn't wanna be anywhere else."
Robby chuckled at that. "I know the feeling. I started out thinking I wanted to be a surgeon...two months in the ER was all it took for me to realize I'd never want to work anything else."
You smiled. "My mom was an ER nurse for 35 years. She threatened to beat my ass if I dared specialize in emergency medicine, but I couldn't resist it."
"I'm sure she's proud."
"She was," you commented with a sad smile. You noticed the softened expression Robby sent you, so you forced a more happy expression to your face. "She passed last year. Cancer."
"I'm so sorry," Robby murmured softly.
"Thank you. That's actually what brought me here. I-uh, I didn't want to continue living in the city that did nothing but remind me of her. It was time for a fresh start."
"So you picked PTMC?"
"Well, you were hiring," you joked.
"A truly ringing endorsement."
You laughed. "To be completely honest, I'd heard stories about a very talented attending in the ER here...and I thought I could perhaps learn a thing or two from him."
"Oh boy," he chuckled. "What did you hear?"
"Don't worry. The rumors were all about Dr. Abbot."
Robby felt a smidge of disappointment. Not that he wanted you to have chosen to work here because of him or anything...that would be foolish. He reminded himself for what had to be the hundredth time in the last 45 minutes that you were too young for him.
"I'm sure they're all true," he confirmed with a smile. "Jack is a great doctor. He's got more than a few tricks up his sleeve."
"Funny, he said the same thing about you."
"Oh?"
"I met him earlier. He told me I could learn from you."
"Well, I don't know about all that."
"Don't sell yourself short. Dana might have said something similar."
"Don't listen to a word she says," he teased.
Robby was so clearly fond of Dana, and you could tell it was reciprocated just from the short conversation you'd had with her. You felt a pang of sadness in your chest as you wondered whether perhaps the two of them were together. You quickly pushed the thought away. It shouldn't matter--he was your boss. You certainly couldn't pursue anything with him either way.
Robby saw a flicker of some unnamable emotion cross your face and he had to stop himself from asking about what you were thinking. It was none of his business, after all. It's not like you two even knew each other yet.
"You feel good to start taking patients?" he asked instead.
"Absolutely!"
Once again, he was struck by how beautiful you were, especially that radiant smile that seemed to hit him squarely in the chest. "Great. Let me know if you need anything."
"Will do. Thanks, boss."
The sharpness in his chest was something he chose to ignore. "Just Robby is fine."
A slight pink hue warmed your cheeks. "Right, of course. Robby."
You looked up at the board, chose a patient, and headed off in the direction of a room down the hall. Robby couldn't help himself as he watched you walk away, something subtle and utterly unwelcome settling in his stomach.
"Don't even think about it," Dana muttered, rousing him from his thoughts.
"Think about what?"
She gave him a pointed stare. "You know exactly what."
"I didn't do anything!" he protested.
"You were thinking it."
"I was just thinking she seems very nice. That's all."
Dana raised a brow. "She's 33, old man."
"Hey now. I'm not that old."
"Too old for her."
"Dana," he groaned.
She threw up her hands. "I'm just saying."
"Yeah, yeah. I heard you."
Robby walked off in order to hide his small smile from Dana's watchful gaze. At least you were in your 30s--it made him feel less creepy to find you attractive. He knew it was silly--there was no way someone 17 years his junior would be interested in him, so what did it matter? He was a grown man. He could find a woman attractive without acting on it.
**********
Halfway through your shift, you stumbled into a chair at central with a low groan.
A soft chuckle from behind you alerted you to Dana's presence. "You okay, kid?"
"I'm alright. My knee is just acting up." When she gave you a quizzical look, you elaborated. "I tore my ACL twice. Soccer injury from high school and a second in college. Some days it just aches more than others."
"You're too young for chronic pain. You got an orthopedic doc?"
"Back in Philly, but not here."
"I'll make a list of recommendations," she offered.
"Thanks, Dana."
"No problem. Can't have our newest attending falling apart."
You chuckled. "I appreciate it."
"Sitting down on the job already?" Robby teased as he walked up.
"Hey--I made it six hours."
Robby laughed. "Longer than I usually do." He held up a hand in Dana's direction, sensing her budding retort. "Don't you dare say a single thing about my age."
Dana laughed immediately and you joined in.
"Oh great, now you're mocking me too?" Robby groaned.
"Of course not!" you teased. "I would never."
Before Robby could muster something else to say, Dr. Mohan appeared at the desk to ask for your help.
"Sure." You stood with a soft hiss, a slight limp to your gate as you followed after Samira.
Robby clocked it instantly, turning to Dana with a raised brow.
"Old soccer injury."
"She should see--"
"I already told her I'd make her a list."
Robby smiled. "This is why you're the queen of the ER."
She smiled back. "And don't you forget it."
As you followed Samira, you could sense some unease and increased tension she hadn't had earlier in the shift. "Is everything okay, Dr. Mohan?"
"Oh, um...yes. I'm fine."
You laid a gentle hand on her arm, pulling her to a stop. "I won't pretend to believe that, so I'll just say I'm here to listen if you need to talk about something."
Samira's expression cracked slightly. "I don't want to complain. Today's your first day."
You shrugged. "I'm an attending. It's my job to be here to support all of you. Doesn't matter if I've been here for five minutes or five years."
A small smile appeared on her face. "It's just...well, do you think I spend too much time with the patients?"
Your brows raised in surprise. "I'll admit you do spend more time with each one than most ER doctors do, but that's not a bad thing. It shows you care enough to listen--really listen. We need more doctors like you, Samira. Not for some bullshit patient satisfaction score, but because a doctor who truly cares about her patients is a rarity in this environment. It allows you to see your patients as people, and sometimes that bit of humanity and empathy is what they really need."
Tears welled in her eyes. "Thank you--that, um, that really means a lot to me."
"I mean every word." You offered her a gentle smile. "May I ask what prompted the question?"
She looked slightly uncomfortable. "Dr. Robby yelled at me earlier for spending too much time with each patient. He said I needed to see more patients and spend less time talking to them."
A frown settled onto your face and a light bubble of annoyance filled your gut. "Ignore him. If he gets upset with you again, tell him I said you're doing a damn good job and he can come bitch to me, okay?"
Samira smiled slightly. "Thanks, Dr. (Y/L/N)."
**********
When you'd finished helping Dr. Mohan with her patient, Whittaker had come asking for some assistance, followed almost immediately by Mel. By the time you'd made it back around to central looking for Robby, almost an hour had passed since Samira told you what he'd said to her.
You found Robby exactly where you expected him to be--sitting at central, charting in some patient's file. "Do you have a moment to talk?"
Robby looked up at you, glasses perched on his face, slight frown lines dipping in his forehead. He could tell something was off with you, but he had no idea what it could be. "Sure. Is something wrong?"
"Not wrong, per se, but I'd like to discuss something with you. Preferably in private."
Robby nodded and followed you to the break room. The moment the door closed behind him, you whirled around, a dark look on your face. "Do you care about your patients, Dr. Robinavitch?"
Surprise lit up his face. "Pardon me?"
"It's not a trick question. Do you care about your patients?"
"Of course I do."
"You want them to receive the best care they possibly can?"
"I want to save lives."
"That's not what I asked. We all want to save lives. It's why we're here."
Robby sighed and ran his hand over his face. "They're not going to get the best care they can from an understaffed hospital. Plain and simple."
"Perhaps not, but I don't think that means we shouldn't try."
"Okay, I can agree with that. Where's this going?"
"Did you berate Dr. Mohan for spending too much time with patients?"
Robby groaned. "She's slower than every single other doctor in the ER! At her level, she should be seeing twice as many patients in an hour as she currently is!"
Your expression remained dark, but you kept your tone calm. "Do you know what happens when doctors rush? Mistakes get made. Things are missed. People die."
"I'm not asking her to rush--"
"You are!" you snapped. "By not letting her go at her pace, you're forcing her to rush. I'm not saying she'll make a mistake, but she's significantly more likely to catch something another doctor would miss solely because she cares enough to listen!"
Robby was taken aback by the force in your voice. He wasn't used to anyone talking to him like that, certainly not a new attending. "Don't tell me how to run my ER."
"I used to think like you," you said quietly, all anger suddenly gone from your voice. "Speed and efficiency were the most important things. The faster we discharged a patient, the sooner we could get another taken care of."
When you looked back up at him, your eyes were damp with unshed tears and he instantly felt terrible for snapping at you.
But his temper had nothing to do with the emotion roiling in your gut. "Triage, treat, discharge or admit. On a cycle. As fast as possible. Waiting room times and patient satisfaction scores are more important than patient safety--than practicing good medicine. It all sounds great, until you get a 16-year-old patient you think you're just treating for a routine STI. Simple, right? So you don't spend the time to really talk to her, to notice all the little signs that tell you there's more to the story. You don't see the fear in her eyes when her father comes to pick her up from the hospital. You don't realize you missed all the signs--until the police show up the following day to ask you questions about the girl you treated. You don't realize you should have paid more attention, asked more questions, until those cops tell you she hung herself the night before. Until they tell you she alleged in her suicide note that her father had been sexually assaulting her for years and she just couldn't take it anymore. And it's not until that moment you realize you could have prevented the death of a young girl if you'd just taken the time to listen."
Robby was dead silent when you finished speaking, a small ache in his chest forcing him to close the distance between you, to wrap you in a hug as you released the tears you'd been holding back. He let you cry against his chest for several moments before you collected yourself and stepped back.
"Doctors like Samira save lives because they care enough to truly listen," you said softly. "Don't force her to be what you want just because it's what you're used to."
Robby nodded slowly. "I'll apologize to her."
You inhaled heavily. "Thank you." You wiped your face and brushed past him, heading for the door.
"For what it's worth," he murmured. "What happened wasn't your fault."
"Perhaps not, but I'll never know if maybe I could have made a difference. I won't make that mistake again."
With that, you walked out of the break room and back into the comfortable chaos of the Pitt.
In one short conversation with you, Robby found himself feeling seen, even cornered, in a way no one else had done in a long time. He was ashamed for getting angry with Dr. Mohan, ashamed for losing his temper with you too. Admittedly, today was not his finest day, but he'd been shorter with everyone than he normally was. It wasn't fair to anyone on his staff and he couldn't help the shame that settled onto his chest like a 5,000lb. elephant.
**********
"This is the longest day of my life," you grumbled as you laid your head on the desk in front of you.
"Preach, sister," Dana muttered.
You lifted your head to look at her bruised face. "How ya feeling?"
"Like I got sucker punched in the nose."
"So good, then?"
She chuckled mirthlessly. "I like you, kid. Don't ever change."
You laughed. "It didn't even take me a full shift to convince you."
"I'm an excellent judge of character." She quirked her head to the side. "How's your knee?"
"On fire, but I'm choosing to ignore it."
"Probably for the best." The desk phone rang and Dana answered. Within seconds every drop of color left her face. Her wide eyes locked on your face as she hung up the phone.
"What's wrong?"
"There's been a mass shooting at the music festival."
The twisting in your gut was for two reasons: you knew innocent people had just had their lives turned upside down; and Robby's essentially-stepson was at that festival. "Robby."
His name was the one word you could muster before you took off towards where you'd seen him last, panic gripping your heart more tightly than you cared to acknowledge.
The moment he came into view, you yelled his name, causing him to turn in your direction. One look at your face told him something was very, very wrong.
"What's wrong? What happened?"
"Mass shooting at the festival."
Robby's blood went cold, thoughts immediately drifting to Jake. "How many casualties?"
"We don't know yet, but we're the closest hospital."
"Fuck." He pulled out his phone and immediately called Jake, but got no response.
The next thirty minutes was a flutter of chaos, bringing the night shift in early, setting up for the mass casualty event, and the influx of trauma patients. All the while, Robby and Dana continued trying to call or text Jake to no avail.
You wished you could say this was your first mass shooting experience, but it wasn't. You'd had one your first year as a resident in Philly. You'd hoped then you would never have to live through another one, but this one was worse. More victims, fewer supplies, more innovative ideas required.
You'd just gotten a patient stable to send up to surgery when you heard your name called across the room. Your eyes met Dana's, her expression sadder than the last time you'd seen her, not even ten minutes prior.
You ran to her, weaving through trauma patients before reaching her side. "What do we got?"
"GSW to the chest. No pulse," Robby answered for her as he performed CPR.
If she was DOA, you weren't sure why Robby was still trying to save her. It wasn't until Dana whispered in your ear that you understood.
"She's Jake's girlfriend."
You looked at your chief attending's grief-stricken face, instantly aching for the man. "Robby."
Your firm voice got his attention.
"Tell me what you need."
He gave you a grateful look that nearly snapped your heart in two. "Take over compressions for me?"
You nodded and lifted your hands, hovering just above his. "Switch." The moment his hands moved, yours began to press against the young girl's chest.
Robby listed off supplies he needed and Dana raced off to procure them. You watched with increasing sadness as every attempt Robby made to save her failed. You knew she was beyond saving, but you didn't stop compressions. Even when Jack told Robby she was gone, you kept moving...because Robby wasn't ready to give up.
It wasn't until he met your sad gaze, the pain in his own so evident, that you shook your head slowly. He felt a small part of him crack open even as the words "she's gone" left his lips.
You stopped compressions and took a step back, tears welling in your eyes as you took one last look at the young girl before you. When you met Robby's dark gaze again, you saw the pain that was so clearly tearing him apart. You knew he had to now go tell Jake his girlfriend was gone.
"Do you want me to go with you?" you asked softly.
He shook his head.
"Or Dana or Jack?"
He shook his head again. "I have to do it myself."
He turned to walk away, but you called after him, a gentle reminder you hoped he truly heard. "You did everything you could, Robby. It wasn't your fault."
The look in his eyes told you he'd heard the words, but they didn't sink in. You'd had the same look in your eyes earlier that day when you'd told him about the young girl you didn't save.
**********
The seemingly endless flow of trauma patients had finally slowed enough for you to take a a breath, fully inflating your lungs for what felt like the first time in hours.
Everyone was still working, busy helping patients and each other. As you glanced around the ER, you realized Robby was no where to be seen. In fact, you hadn't seen him since he went to tell Jake the horrific news.
Every instinct in you screamed at you to find him, though you couldn't quite identify why. You'd learned a long time ago to listen to your gut, so off you went. You had a terrible feeling you knew exactly where to find him--you could only hope you were wrong.
You passed the gurney Jake was laying on without stopping. You could tell from the look on the young man's face he didn't want to talk. He didn't even want to move. Your heart went out to him, but your feet kept moving.
When you reached the makeshift morgue that had taken up residence in peds, you paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before entering the room.
You heard him before you saw him, the raw ache in his voice as he mumbled words you couldn't discern. He didn't react to the sound of the door opening and closing, nor did he move when you fully entered the room, eyes landing on his curled up form.
Robby seemed so incredibly strong, even in the short time you'd known him. Like an immovable force of nature. To see him like this, broken and hurting, shattered something in you.
You crossed the small space and knelt in front of him. "Robby."
He kept mumbling words in a language you didn't speak, body shaking with forceful sobs.
"Robby, look at me. Please."
He stopped speaking, but you heard the shaky breaths. You didn't know exactly what had happened, nor what he was thinking, but you could recognize the signs of a panic attack better than most.
"You're okay," you murmured. "Just look at me."
"It's my fault," he whispered so lowly you almost didn't catch it.
"You're wrong, but we don't need to talk about that right now. I just need you to look at me."
Something in your gentle voice made him finally lower the arm covering his head, eyes finally meeting your gaze. He was terrified of what he'd see, of the judgment--or worse, pity--you would likely express.
But that's not what he saw. No--all he saw was compassion. Empathy. Warmth. He felt safe in a way he couldn't explain.
"Can you stand?"
He shook his head, body still curled in on itself, hands still shaking.
"Can I touch you?" You reached out a hand, offering it to him without pushing.
He could only manage a small nod, and you slipped his hand into yours. You squeezed it tightly, the act grounding him for the first time in what felt like hours.
"Breathe with me."
It wasn't a question, nor was it an order. It was a request--an open door you hoped he'd walk through.
You inhaled deeply, followed by a long exhale. Robby joined in on the second inhale, breathing with you slowly. You held him steady with that hand wrapped around his and your gentle gaze--held him without really touching him, until he finally stopped shaking. Until he felt the tightness in his chest finally loosening.
"You with me?"
"Yes," he answered softly.
"Good...because we need you out there. Your team is looking to you for leadership, not because you're in charge, but because you're the one who has always had their backs. They need that right now. They need you."
Robby nodded, but made no move to rise. Somehow you knew the exact words to say--the exact thing he needed to hear, and you'd only known him a matter of hours. He couldn't understand it.
You stood up and held your hand out to him. "Take my hand."
He hesitated for only a moment before sliding his hand into yours and letting you drag him to his feet. He wanted to pull you in close and push you away as far as possible simultaneously--and not just physically. You were now the only one to see him truly vulnerable, to have witnessed him falling apart. It terrified him in a way he couldn't express.
You seemed to sense what he needed, taking a step back to give him space. He couldn't decide if it made him hate you or love you for it.
"Whenever you're ready, chief," you prompted. You walked to the door and grabbed the handle, pausing before turning it. You glanced back at him and said simply, "You're not alone."
Robby watched in silence as you left the room, knowing something had changed between the two of you in those moments. Something neither of you could ever return from.
**********
The last of the red patients had been taken to the OR and the chaos of the night had finally began to subside. No one seemed to really notice how off Robby was, other than you, Jack, and Dana.
You hadn't shared what you witnessed with anyone. You never would. You'd told Robby as much when he came to find you earlier, to thank you for what you'd done.
The night shift was more than ready to take over, and the day shift was beyond ready to go home. You were all exhausted, both mentally and physically.
You said goodnight to everyone, but neither Robby, nor Jack were anywhere to be found. You cast your gaze over to Dana who simply pointed up.
Your confused expression prompted her to mouth, "the roof." You winced slightly, but gave her a nod of thanks before trudging up the stairs.
When you stepped out onto the roof, you could see Robby on the far side of the metal railing, while Jack stood not far away on this side of it.
You were quiet as you approached the two men, not wanting to startle either of them, nor really intrude on what appeared to be a tense moment.
You were about ten feet away when Robby turned around, now facing in your direction. He clearly saw you, but made no move to stop you from coming closer or alert Jack to your presence.
You came up to Robby's other side, expression soft and open.
"Can you tell him to stop talking?" Robby grumbled.
A light breathy chuckle escaped your lips as Jack muttered an apology.
You were silent as you gazed ahead of you, present but not overbearing. The exact support Robby needed without even having to tell you. It scared him how well you could read him--how you seemed to see right through him. He didn't know what to make of it, or if he wanted to make anything of it at all.
"Want that drink now?" Jack asked, breaking the silence.
Robby just grunted and slid under the bar, joining the two of you on the other side of the railing.
"You too, (Y/N)," Jack said softly.
You followed them back downstairs, and then across the street to the park. A couple nurses were already there, sharing a beer in solidarity after a hard day.
Robby and Jack left just enough room for you to plop down between them on the bench, a soft groan escaping your lips at the relief your knee felt the moment you were off it.
"You should wear a brace," Robby commented gently.
"Probably."
"Doctors make the worst patients," Jack mumbled as he unsnapped his prosthetic.
"You're not wrong," you agreed.
Mateo and Javadi appeared moments later, both taking the beers thrown their way.
"Wait, I can't drink--I'm not 21 yet," Javadi stuttered.
"Honey, you just lived through hell. You're allowed to drink a beer," you assured her.
"We won't tell your mother," Robby added.
You chuckled to yourself in slight disbelief. This 20-year-old girl had held her own through some of the most harrowing moments an emergency medical professional can face. It was inspiring and heartbreaking all at once.
From your left, Robby suddenly started cracking up. "I just-I just realized this was your first shift."
You all joined in with him, laughing to keep from crying. It had been a hell of a day for all of you--but it tied you all together in a way only trauma can.
You finished your beer with a tired yawn. "Alright kids, I'm going home." You smiled warmly at each of them. "Every single one of you did great tonight."
Robby stood up as well, not in any way willing to let you walk to your car in the dark. "I'll walk you."
"You don't have to."
"I know." He made no move to sit back down, so you started walking, knowing full well he would likely follow.
"You did great tonight too, you know," he said softly, falling into step beside you.
"Thanks."
"I guess I owe you."
You shot him a stern look. "You don't owe me a thing. And don't you dare apologize again or I'll kick your ass."
He chuckled softly and threw up his hands. "Alright, alright. No more apologies."
The two of you walked in companionable silence all the way to the parking garage. When you reached your car, you turned to look at the older man, heart clenching slightly with feelings you didn't want to read into right now. "You're a good man, Dr. Robinavitch."
Robby considered protesting for a moment, but he knew you'd correct him instantly. "You're not so bad yourself, Dr. (Y/L/N)."
Your lips parted slightly, as though you wanted to say something else, but you seemed to think better of it, instead offering him a soft, warm smile. "Goodnight, Robby."
"Goodnight, (Y/N)."
The only thought in your head as you climbed into your car was how good your name sounded on his lips--and the warmth that single word spread through your entire body.
Little did you know, the exact same thoughts were traveling through Robby's mind as he walked to his car. It had been the first time he'd said your first name, and he knew instantly he'd have a hard time calling you by your last name ever again.
Neither of you wanted to think too hard on whatever these feelings were. Not tonight at least. Whatever you were feeling could wait until the morning.
Summary: You and Steve become friends with benefits, even though neither of you actually want that, but you both foolishly think it's what the other wants. How long can things last before one of you implodes?
Warnings: cursing, use of pet names, shit ton of angst. SMUT, oral (F receiving), unprotected sex (P in V).
You and Steve have been dancing around your obvious attraction to each other for months, and it's beginning to wear on the rest of the team. Tensions have never been higher, but you're both still in extreme denial. No matter what any of your friends say, neither of you will admit to wanting the other.
It was Tony who came up with an idea to finally get you and Steve together. He decided to throw a black tie event at the Tower, forcing everyone to dress to the nines for a night of fun and frivolity. He even got Thor to bring the Asguardian Mead, with the hopes of perhaps loosening up the very proper Captain Rogers.
In truth, the entire team was in on this little plan. Natasha insisted on taking you dress shopping and she wouldn't let you buy anything she didn't deem sexy enough. Both she and Wanda dragged you with them to get your hair, makeup, and nails professionally done. Nat had even suggested a Brazilian, but you'd threatened to disembowel her, so she backed off on that one.
Meanwhile, Sam and Bucky had taken Steve to go suit shopping. In fairness, neither Bucky nor Steve had a suit that Tony would deem appropriate for a black tie event. The three men found flattering suits that Tony's personal tailor rush-altered for them. Steve had asked several times if any of this was really necessary, but Bucky and Sam's excitement managed to rub off on him a little.
Sam, of course, had selected a very daring blue pinstriped suit, while Bucky had opted for a classic black. They'd both convinced Steve to go with a deep navy suit, the color bringing out the ocean blue of his eyes.
Wanda opted to wear her signature red, which she always looked stunning in. Nat selected a very daring black dress that left nearly nothing to the imagination, and she'd convinced you to choose a dark blue dress that showed off your curves and highlighted all of your assets perfectly. The back of your dress dipped daringly low, stopping just above the curve of your ass, while the front came up in a halter with a small cut out accentuating your cleavage. It was floor length with a slit all the way up to your upper thigh. Even you had to admit it was a gorgeous dress--and you looked damn good in it.
The night of the party rolled around and Natasha took her sweet time getting ready, thereby ensuring the boys would be there before you. You, of course, despised being late for anything, so you were more than a little perturbed at her tardiness.
In the end, it was well worth it. When the three of you walked into the room, every head turned your way. You'd never particularly enjoyed being the center of attention, but there was one gaze you didn't mind. One man who couldn't seem to take his eyes off you, no matter how hard he tried.
"You gonna go talk to her or just stare at her like a creep all night?" Sam asked, elbowing Steve in the arm.
Even hearing Sam point out his current predicament, Steve still couldn't tear his eyes from you. His mouth had gone dry and his heart had ceased to beat a normal rhythm. All of the background noise in the room had faded, leaving only the sound of his blood thrumming through his veins. He felt like he'd turned into a tree, rooted to the spot he'd been in when you'd entered the room.
Luckily, you didn't have the same immobility. You graciously excused yourself from your friends, crossing the space between you and Steve with speed and confidence. His eyes remained on you, and you couldn't quite manage to look away from him. He looked devilishly handsome in his suit, and you couldn't help but notice how well the color complimented your dress.
"Hey Stevie," you said with a wide smile as you reached his side.
Steve vaguely heard his friends mumble some excuse and disappear into the crowd of people, leaving him to fumble through his words alone. "(Y/N)-you look...beautiful." He couldn't think of another word to describe you--everything else seemed to pale in comparison. He was pretty sure there wasn't a word in the English language to describe your perfection, so the simplicity of 'beautiful' was his only choice.
You looked down at your dress with a sweet smile, giving him a slow spin. "You think so?"
Steve nearly choked on his own saliva when he saw how low the back of the dress dipped. "Yeah. Gorgeous."
You were pleased with his compliments and the heat slowly spreading across your cheeks emphasized it. "You look very handsome, yourself. Navy really is your color."
Now it was his turn to blush. Sam had said virtually the same thing to him when he'd found the suit. "Thanks, sweetheart. I'm glad you approve."
He had an unnecessary amount of anxiety, as if he hadn't stood beside you a thousand times, hadn't had a hundred different conversations about anything and everything. Right now, however, he didn't feel like he was talking to his friend. It was like he'd met you on the street and now didn't know how to act. Did he flirt? Did he act normal? Could he flirt? Should he?
"Hey man, I got you a glass of that crazy mead Thor brought," Bucky said as he appeared almost out of thin air.
Steve gratefully grabbed the glass from his friend's outstretched hand and downed it in one long drink. He instantly felt more at ease, maybe even a little...fuzzy?
"I'm pretty sure you're supposed to sip that, but okay," Bucky muttered, shaking his head.
"Do you mind getting me another one?"
Bucky raised an eyebrow, but went to go pour a second drink. When he came back, he held the glass at arm's length. "Please sip it this time."
"Fine." Steve took the glass and took a small sip to appease his friend.
Bucky just chuckled and walked off to find Sam.
"You okay?" you prodded. "You don't usually drink."
Steve nodded, the mead easing his nerves instantly. "Actually, I'm great. Do you wanna dance?"
"Oh, I-um, sure."
You took his outstretched hand and Steve pulled you onto the makeshift dance floor. The song immediately transitioned to a slow tune, and Steve wasted no time in pulling you close. He could feel the soft skin of your back beneath his palm and he had to breathe deeply through his nose to calm his racing heart. You swore you could hear the beating of his heart over the music, your own heart speeding up to match its time.
Steve twirled you around the dance floor, eyes glued to you nearly every second. Everyone else in the room faded away, until only the two of you remained. It was impossible not to get lost in his gaze--in the way he held you like you were precious to him.
The mead had loosened something in Steve's nearly unbendable resolve and he felt the need to tell you everything he'd held in his heart for so long. Months of pining, quiet stares, and sleepless nights.
You knew without a shadow of a doubt that the mead was having an effect on Steve. He was by no means drunk, but he was significantly more relaxed than you could ever remember seeing him. You liked seeing him like this--open and warm. He wasn't hiding behind his excessively high morals or infallible discipline. For once, his eyes held everything he felt, all the words he could never say lived in his beautiful gaze; though the only one you could discern with any amount of accuracy was desire.
"Can we go somewhere private?" Steve whispered, interrupting your thoughts. "There's something I want to tell you."
There was a part of you, a large part if you were honest, that didn't want to know how he felt when his tongue was loosened enough to share it. Not when you feared how he would react in the light of day. You wouldn't handle his rejection well--if he did, in fact, reject you.
Yet, you couldn't bring yourself to tell him 'no'. "Lead the way."
He took your hand and guided you through the sea of bodies, pulling you towards the door with a little more speed than was necessary. The moment did not go unnoticed by your friends, each of them celebrating in their own way as you and Steve left the party without a word to any of them.
Steve was quiet as you rode the elevator up to the residence floor. The mead was still running through his veins, but he didn't want to spill his guts to you in an elevator. Not when there was even the slightest chance of someone interfering.
Once the elevator doors opened, he led you down the hall to his room, opening the door to allow you to enter first. The tension in your body was overwhelming--the uncertainty of the situation heightening your anxiety.
"I've been wanting to tell you something for so long," he began, "but I just didn't know how to say it without upsetting you."
Your heart was racing loudly enough for Steve to hear it, but he chose not to comment on it. You could only wonder where this was going and if you really wanted to know.
"I think it's more than a little obvious I'm very attracted to you. I mean, who wouldn't be? You're gorgeous." Steve bit his lip. "I can't help but wonder what you'd feel like in my arms, what your lips would taste like, or what sweet sounds you'd make just for me."
Your heart sunk with painful realization. He wasn't confessing feelings for you--he was telling you he wanted your body. That hurt more deeply than you cared to admit. And yet...you wanted him desperately enough you'd take whatever you could get. Even if it was only for a little while.
"If you come a little closer, you can find out," you murmured, trying for a teasing tone to soften the hurt you felt.
Steve closed the distance between you and met your lips in a soft kiss--too soft for your liking. It felt almost loving and you couldn't allow that feeling to fester. You grabbed ahold of him and deepened the kiss, tongue brushing against his lips, begging for entry.
He moaned softly into the kiss as his lips parted to allow your tongue to swipe against his. He wrapped his arms low around you, feeling your heated skin against his palms.
You knew it would be unwise to not set ground rules before allowing this to go further, but you were finding it harder and harder to break the kiss. Your body wanted him even if your brain was unsure--and your heart couldn't be trusted to be rational when it came to Steve.
He was the one to finally break the kiss, forehead falling against yours as he tried to catch his breath. "Better than I'd imagined," he murmured.
A soft chuckle escaped your lips, but the sound was foreign to your own ears. It betrayed just a bit of what you were feeling--the tension you couldn't express to him.
"Should we talk about this before we continue?" you heard yourself ask.
Steve pulled away to look at you properly. "Sure."
"Is this just a one-night deal or more of a friends with benefits situation?"
Your words felt like gut punches, each one hammering home the fact that you didn't want anything more than sex with him. He didn't want either of those things, but if it was the only way he could have you, he was willing to break his own heart.
"I'm not really a one night stand kinda guy."
"So a casual friends with benefits thing, then?" Oh how you wished he wanted more. How you wished you could be honest with him. How you wished your heart wasn't breaking with each spoken word.
He gave you what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "Sounds great." It didn't sound great at all--in fact, it sounded horrific. It sounded painful. It sounded like a piece of his soul dying in real time.
"No strings. No feelings. No mess." Who were you kidding? You were already a mess and he'd done nothing more than kiss you. You were irrevocably his, even if he never knew it.
Steve nodded his agreement, not trusting his voice to answer you aloud. This moment was going to leave a scar on his heart--he was sure of it--but he would take whatever scraps you were willing to give him.
"Do you wanna take off my dress, or should I?" you asked seductively.
His body reacted to your words, pushing his reservations to the side. "Let me."
Steve's hands shook ever so slightly as he slipped the halter over your head and let it fall to the front, exposing your breasts to his hungry gaze. He held himself back, even as his hands ached to touch you.
He continued to pull the slinky dress down, exposing inch after inch of delicate skin he'd been desperate to see for longer than he'd ever admit aloud.
When the dress finally dropped to the floor, you stepped out of it and reached for his suit jacket. It found its home on the floor along with his shirt and slacks within seconds. The closer each of you got to complete nudity, the faster you wanted to remove every scrap of clothing.
Steve's eyes drifted to the pretty lace thong you'd worn, as he fought with the urge to simply rip the garment right off you. He imagined you'd be pretty upset if he ruined your underwear, so he opted to remove them properly. His touch was almost reverent as he peeled the last strip of cloth from your body.
"Shit," he muttered under his breath. "I don't think I'm gonna be able to take my time with you."
You smirked. "Good thing I'm impatient, then."
He matched your expression as he pushed you back onto the bed. You landed with a giggle and a sigh, arms reaching out for him instinctively.
Steve slipped off his underwear before climbing onto the bed to join you. That moment gave you your first clear glimpse of his cock and you let out a choked sound of surprise.
"That is not going inside of me."
Steve looked down at himself, a small amount of pride puffing out his chest. "No? You sure, sweetheart? I promise I can make you feel so good."
"Stevie, you-you're huge. I don't think I can handle you."
Your honesty forced a laugh from deep in his chest. "Let me get you nice and warmed up--then I bet you'll be able to take me like you were made for it."
You released a shaky exhale, his words making a new wave of arousal drip from your hole. "Okay."
When his lips met you this time, the softness was gone. The kiss was messy and hungry, a tone of desperation underlining each movement of his lips and tongue.
He was quick to kiss down your neck to your breasts, stopping to admire them as your chest heaved with desire. His lips closed around your nipple, eliciting a soft sigh from your lips. His right hand continued to trail down your body until it reached your aching pussy.
He swiped a single finger up through your folds, collecting the slick and groaning at the sheer amount. "Shit, baby. This all for me?"
"Only you," you whined.
He smirked as he rubbed your arousal onto your nipples. "That's right, sweetheart. Only me." He began to lick your slick from your nipples, moaning at the taste.
You gasped at the sensation and the needy sounds that slipped past his sweet lips.
He continued his descent down to your core, settling between your thighs and diving in the moment he caught sight of your bare pussy dripping for him.
Your cries were instant--the desperate need for him turning you into putty in his hands. He licked and sucked at your clit, gauging your reactions to each of his movements, shifting to bring you closer and closer to your peak with attentive ease.
He slipped a finger into you and curled it as he pressed against your g-spot. You whined as your hips bucked up against his face, causing him to brace his arm across your abdomen, holding you firmly against the bed.
"Never tasted anything this good," he mumbled against your core before diving back into his feast.
Your fingers tangled in his hair and the sheets beside you as you desperately sought relief for the rising tension in your body. It was almost too much, this pleasure he gave you so freely.
"Steve, I-I can't--feels too good."
"You can, baby," he growled as he added a second finger.
You once again tried to chase his mouth, but his grip on you was firm. You could do nothing but lay there and take whatever he gave you.
He decided right then and there, he'd do anything to stay between your legs--to give you pleasure and hear those beautiful sounds you made. Even if he never had your heart, he wouldn't give this up. Not for anything.
"Stevie--" you whimpered. "Need more."
Steve chuckled into you and added a third finger. He increased the pressure on your g-spot and the speed of his tongue against your clit. You gasped at the feeling and your nails scraped against his scalp.
He found he liked the way you tugged on his hair and the sharp pain of your nails. He liked any way you expressed your enjoyment of his actions.
He felt the shift in your body as you began to unravel, the way your pussy tightened around his fingers and your breathing became more erratic. He wanted to feel you come undone--to taste your sweet release and carry you through the waves of pleasure.
Within seconds, he got his wish. You came with a sharp cry and a gasp of his name, back arching off the bed as your orgasm lit your nerve endings on fire. He worked you through it, only slowing when your body began to spasm in aftershocks and you pulled so firmly on his hair he worried you'd pull some out.
"Kiss me," you gasped the moment he raised his head to look at you.
He couldn't have denied your request even if he'd wanted to. The pull towards you was too strong for even someone like him to overcome.
The taste of yourself on his lips felt both sinful and delicious--and it only served to make you want more. Even as your body still shook from your first orgasm, you felt the rising need for him stoke the flames deep within you.
"Please, Stevie--" you gasped. "I need you."
"I'm right here, baby," he cooed. He knew what you meant, what you were asking for, but he wanted to hear you say it.
You untangled your hand from his hair and trailed down his body with firm, insistent fingers. You traced the muscles, felt the way he tensed beneath your touch, even as you trailed further down his body.
When you finally reached your destination, you wrapped your fingers around his cock and he bucked his hips up into your touch with a shaky groan. You were even more certain than before that his size was simply excessive and there was no way you were going to be able to take all of him.
Steve breathed out soft moans as your hand stroked his cock, a desperate, needy gasp breaking from his throat as you swiped your thumb across the slit to collect the drop of precum beading there.
"Shit, sweetheart--need you so badly."
You heard the unspoken question in his voice, his restraint unraveling with each stroke of your hand. While you weren't sure how much of him you could actually take, you wanted to try--needed to feel him as badly as he needed you.
"Go ahead, baby," you whispered against his lips. "Want you too."
"I'll go slow," he promised. "Don't wanna hurt you."
There was almost no chance this wouldn't hurt at least a little, but the care in his voice soothed your worry. You trusted him with your life, so you could certainly trust him with this.
His hand replaced yours as he lined himself up with your opening. He swiped the head of his cock through your folds, collecting more of your slick to coat his cock. He hoped it would ease some of your discomfort when he finally entered you.
Steve pushed into you a mere two inches and the stretch was already undeniable. You gasped at the intrusion, body tensing as you tried to adjust to the new feeling.
"Easy, sweet girl," he murmured, fingers rubbing soft circles into your hip. "You gotta relax for me, okay? Just breathe."
You nodded and tried to ease some of the tension from your body, relaxing enough to allow him to slide in another couple inches. He stopped when he heard the sharp gasp of pain and your nails dug into his bicep.
"Shh, it's okay. I've got you," he soothed. "Just keep breathing for me."
Your eyes were squeezed shut and your breathing was almost panicked, but his soft voice was like a balm to your aching body. After several moments, you were able to open your eyes and breathe normally, the stretch having subsided to a dull ache.
Your heart clenched in your chest at the sight of Steve hovering over you, gaze filled with a softness that almost hurt to witness. He continued to rub those circles on your hip, and his other hand raised to brush your hair away from your face.
"You're so beautiful," he whispered reverently, almost to himself. It wasn't until he saw the soft dusting of pink spread across your cheeks that he realized he'd spoken out loud. "You still with me, baby?"
"Yes," you breathed. "Keep going."
He leaned down and kissed you softly, allowing you to melt into the kiss before he pushed farther into you. You cried out against his lips, fingernails digging harshly into his shoulders.
"Too big," you whined.
"It's alright, baby," he cooed. "You're doing so good for me. Just a little more."
Your eyes widened and you shook your head vigorously. "Can't take any more."
"'Course you can. You've already taken most of it and you're doing so well. Just look at you--made for me, huh?"
You swallowed thickly before nodding your consent for him to continue.
He could see the worry in your gaze and the tension lining your body, so he tried to soothe you in the only way he knew how. "I've got you, (Y/N/N). Not gonna hurt you--I promise. If it's too much, we can stop, okay?"
He felt the tension ease and you nodded once more. He brushed his lips against your forehead affectionately at the same time he sheathed himself fully inside you, sinking in deeper than any man ever had before.
Your back arched up against him instantly, an overwhelmed moan breaking from your chest. You'd never been filled like this before--never felt a stretch so incredible-so extreme.
Steve peppered your face with soft kisses and sweet murmurs of reassurance. He was willing to wait as long as you needed before moving, even if his control had begun to fray at the edges.
"Just tell me when you're ready, sweetheart. Take your time."
You were already holding onto him with an iron grip--tightly enough you'd likely leave bruises along his shoulders and arms. While they'd only last a few short hours, he'd wear them with pride.
"Okay, Stevie," you breathed. "You can move."
He felt the instant relief flood his veins, but he kept a leash on his desires. If he let himself go, he knew without a doubt he'd hurt you and that was the very last thing he ever wanted to do.
"I'll take it slow, okay? Gonna stretch you out real nice--get you used to me."
True to his word, he pulled back slowly and eased himself back in at the same rate. The pace was slow and gentle, but unbelievably deep. Each movement of his hips seemed to force his cock deeper into you--hitting places you'd never imagined a man could hit. You swore you could feel him in your belly.
As it so happened, Steve noticed it too. He saw the bulge in your belly every time he thrust into you--his cock pressing against the skin. He let out a low groan and instinctively reached out to press on the spot.
You gasped at the new sensation, a desperate sound he wanted to listen to on repeat.
"You feel that, baby? Feel how deep I am?"
You nodded rapidly.
"Look at that," he muttered to himself. "So full of me--bet no one's ever been so deep before."
"Never," you whimpered.
He liked that thought--liked knowing he was the first one to ever make you feel quite like this. Even if he only got to have you like this, he'd take solace in the fact he'd ruined you for every other man. No matter what happened in the future, no one would fill you the way he did.
"More--please," you begged.
He was a little surprised by your request, but he was more than happy to oblige. He sped up his pace and you dug your nails into his back, head thrown back in ecstasy.
"Squeezing me so tight, baby. So good for me." He grabbed your leg and pushed it back against your chest, giving himself leverage for a slightly new angle.
You mewled desperately as you writhed beneath him. "Right there! Please!"
Steve couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. Your pussy was squeezing him so tightly he could barely breathe and he knew you were close. He wanted to feel you fall apart for him even more than his own release.
"Feels so good," he praised. "You gonna come for me, baby? Gonna show me how good I make you feel?"
You couldn't speak, but you managed a nod. That, accompanied by your pussy fluttering around his cock, only confirmed how close you were. Within seconds you were coming apart around him, helpless cries of ecstasy filling the room as he continued pumping into you.
"Holy shit," he growled. "That's it, baby. Feels incredible."
Your pussy continued spasming around him even as you came down from your high. Steve gave you no time to fully relax, and no warning, before flipping you onto your stomach and dragging your hips into the air.
He slid back into you with ease and began pounding into you with a pace that belied the desperation running through his veins. "Shit--sweet girl," he gasped. "I'm not gonna last."
You clamped down on him as your pussy took every inch of his cock. His head was thrown back as he fucked into you like his very life depended on it. He'd never felt anything as incredible as you and he knew right then that he was just as ruined as you were.
"God, baby," he groaned as he looked back down at you. "Gonna come. Where'd you want it?"
"Inside!" you begged loudly.
"Holy--shit." He pounded into you with renewed energy and you screamed his name as you came a third time. The force of your orgasm sent him spiraling into his own as he released his cum deep inside you with a grunt of your name.
He finished with a few shaky thrusts, forcing his cum back into you before he pulled out and collapsed onto the bed beside you. You fell with him, body limp from pleasure--and more than a little sore.
"That was..."
"Yeah," you mumbled into the pillow.
He laughed softly and you turned your head to look at him. He looked as blissed out as you felt and you couldn't help but smile as you took in his flushed face.
"You were amazing," he murmured softly.
"So were you."
The silence that followed made your chest ache. The sex had been mind-blowing--infinitely more incredible than anything you'd ever experienced before, but now that the high was wearing off, you felt a new emptiness forming in your heart.
Little did you know, that same emptiness clawed at Steve. He wanted so badly to tell you how he felt, but he knew the words would be unwelcome, especially now. You'd made it clear what you wanted from him, and he would respect that.
"Let me clean you up," he offered.
Part of you wanted to let him, but you knew you wouldn't be able to handle any form of aftercare from him. It would only hurt more when you had to walk out the door.
You pulled yourself up on shaky legs and shook your head. "That's alright. I'll shower in my room."
With your back to him, you didn't see the hurt that flashed across Steve's face, nor could he see the tears you quickly blinked away.
"Are you sure?" He wanted to ask you to stay--hell, he wanted to beg you, but he knew better than to cross that freshly drawn line.
"Yeah," you lied as you slowly pulled your underwear on, followed by your dress. You didn't bother with your shoes--after all, your room was just down the hall.
He got out of bed and pulled on his underwear so he could at least walk you to the door.
"So, uh-thanks," you stumbled out.
Your gratitude was like a knife in his heart. He didn't want to be thanked after you rocked his world like that--and he really didn't want to pretend this wasn't affecting him, but he didn't have a choice. Not if he wanted to keep you.
He tried for a light chuckle, but the sound was a little choked. "Sure, sweetheart. Anytime."
Even though you really didn't want to, you looked up at his handsome face. You prayed he couldn't see the emotions in yours--or the pain thumping through your veins. "Goodnight, Steve."
"Goodnight, (Y/N/N)."
When he shut the door behind you, he dropped to his knees as an overwhelming sadness settled deep in his bones. He wasn't sure how long he'd be able to keep this up, but he was determined to hold onto you for as long as possible--as long as his poor heart could take.
You barely made it to your room before the tears finally came. You stood just inside with your back against the door, soft sobs wracking your body. It shouldn't hurt like this--it shouldn't feel like your heart was lying in pieces on the floor. He didn't know how you really felt and now you knew he could never know. Not if it meant losing him forever. Even if you had to suffer through this agony after every night spent in his arms, it was worth it. At least you had a little piece of him, and that would have to be enough.
**********
The next six months were spent very similarly. During the day, you and Steve were simply friends...that couldn't stop yearning for each other to an embarrassing degree. But at night? At night, you were stripping each other bare and fucking until neither of you could move.
It was objectively simple. You'd knock on his door when you needed him, and he'd knock on yours after a hard day. Sometimes, you'd have a quick fuck in a damn closet during the day, or even on the quinjet on the way home from a mission.
Yet, you were both painfully aware this wasn't sustainable. Every single time one of you started to dress and prepare to leave, another piece of your hearts broke. You couldn't count the number of times you'd almost begged Steve to stay, and he'd nearly asked to stay himself more than once.
Neither one of you knew the ache each carried in their chest for days afterwards. And somehow, the smiles you plastered on your faces were enough to fool the other.
They weren't, however, enough to fool your friends. Everyone knew you and Steve had crossed some sort of boundary the night of the party, but neither of you really discussed it. There was a rumor that maybe the two of you had decided you were better off as friends, especially after you'd both snapped at different people who dared to bring it up.
Bucky and Nat were the two remaining hold-outs...the two people who knew each of you as well as you knew yourselves. They could see how much whatever was going on with you and Steve was hurting both of you. It was killing them to witness it, but you both refused to discuss it...insisting instead everything was fine.
~
Steve was sitting in the common room reading a book and minding his own business when Bucky came in and plopped down on the couch beside him.
"So you ever gonna talk about it?"
Steve sighed heavily, but he didn't lower his book. "Talk about what, Bucky?"
"You and (Y/N)."
"There's nothing to talk about."
"Bullshit."
"Excuse me?"
"I said bullshit. You still stare at her from across the room when you think she's not looking, and the look on your face can only be described as 'hopelessly in love'."
"I'm not in love with her. So just-just drop it, okay?"
"No. I've been dropping it for the past six months. I'm tired of seeing you walk around like a fucking ghost."
Steve finally put his book down with a broken sigh. "She doesn't feel the same as me, alright?" He felt a small morsel of relief as he finally shared the truth.
Surprise flickered across Bucky's face. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Steve looked at his friend, and Bucky could finally see the agony he'd been holding back for months. "She wanted a friends with benefits thing. That's it. Nothing more. No strings. No feelings."
Bucky's jaw nearly hit the floor. "How is that possible? I've seen the way she looks at you..."
"Must just be lust you're seeing, because she doesn't want something more with me."
Bucky's face fell and he felt terrible for his friend. "Shit, Steve. I'm sorry, man."
"I'll take whatever piece of her she's willing to give me."
"Even though it's killing you?"
Steve's eyes fluttered closed as he let Bucky's words sink into him. It was killing him--this whole arrangement--but he couldn't bear the thought of losing you. He was fairly certain he'd let you drain every last drop of life from him if it meant staying near you for even a fraction of time.
~
Unbeknownst to Steve and Bucky, Natasha was having virtually the same conversation with you. The only difference was, you didn't fold. You wouldn't admit to her how you felt about Steve, or the arrangement the two of you had.
In truth, you were embarrassed. Embarrassed to be the type of woman who would break her own heart just to sleep with the guy she liked. How sad is that? How pathetic?
You didn't want Nat to know you'd stooped so low. You didn't want her to look at you differently, to see you the way you saw yourself every day when you looked in the mirror.
It didn't matter she was trying to help you. You weren't ready to help yourself...you weren't ready to give up Steve entirely. You just couldn't.
**********
Another two months passed before Bucky finally convinced Steve to try going on a date with someone new.
"Maybe you just need a break from (Y/N)," he suggested. "You're never gonna get over her if you don't stop sleeping with her."
Steve sighed dramatically. They'd had this conversation a number of times before, but he was finally starting to believe his friend. "Maybe you're right."
"Wait, really?"
Steve shot him a glare. "Yes, really."
"Oh, well shit. Let's go out tonight then."
Steve heard himself agreeing, even though he wasn't fully onboard with the idea of dating someone else. His heart belonged to you, even if you didn't want it.
~
So that was how Steve found himself at a bar with Bucky and Sam. Several women had already made a pass at Steve, but he was having a hard time getting into it--into them.
He found himself comparing each of them to you, and not a single one even came close. He was starting to think no one would ever measure up.
"Hey, what about that chick over there?" Sam asked, pointing to a girl sitting by herself in the corner. "She's been sitting alone for a while. Maybe you should go talk to her."
Steve followed Sam's gaze and he had to admit, the girl was pretty. Not as pretty as you, but still attractive. She also seemed a little uncomfortable in her current surroundings and he felt like perhaps she was a kindred spirit in that regard.
To both Sam and Bucky's surprise, Steve actually went over to talk to her. Over an hour later and the two were still chatting--and Steve was enjoying himself. She was sweet and funny, and her smile was so warm and inviting.
Before the night was over, she gave him her number and told him to call any time. He texted her to ask her on a date before he even made it back to the Tower.
Two nights later, he was standing in front of his mirror wearing a nice sweater and jeans, doing last-minute looks before he needed to leave to pick her up.
A knock at his door broke him from his thoughts. When he pulled open the door and saw you, his whole world tilted ever so slightly on its axis. You'd been gone for a mission for the last week and he didn't think you'd be back until the following day.
"O-oh," you sputtered. "I-uh-I just got back and I thought I'd stop by, but I can see you're uh-going somewhere."
"Y-yeah. I didn't think you'd be back until tomorrow."
"Finished early." You tried for a smile, but you were quite certain it looked more like a grimace.
"Yeah," he repeated.
"So...where ya headed?" You didn't want to know, but you needed to know.
"I, um...I have a date."
Time stopped. Your world crumbled. Your heart shattered. You kept it inside, never once showing how deeply his words cut you.
"Oh! That's...great! I'll-uh-I'll leave you to it then."
You spun on your heel and practically ran back to your room, ignoring the pleading way he said your name. By some miracle, you managed to keep your sobs from breaking free until you were safely in your room.
The floor met you like an old friend, your only support as your world crashed around you. You would never be the one he wanted...not in the ways that really mattered.
Steve had wanted to run after you, but he knew there was no point. You'd likely been knocking on his door to get laid--not because you missed him. He wanted it to be because you missed him the way he'd missed you--he wanted it more badly than he'd ever admit.
But you didn't. You never would. So he grabbed his keys and left the Tower, intent on having a nice night with a sweet girl who wasn't you. A girl who could never compare, even if she didn't know it.
**********
You avoided Steve for about a week after his date. You were embarrassed by your reaction and more than a little ashamed by how horrifically your heart shattered. Plus, you really didn't want to know how his date went.
Steve wanted to talk to you every second of every day, but you'd managed to avoid being alone with him. He wanted to tell you he'd come home from his date early--that as sweet as the girl was, he couldn't get you out of his head. He realized it wasn't fair to her, so he'd left with an apology.
He'd knocked on your door that night, but you didn't answer it. He couldn't blame you. Not really. He didn't think you'd care all that much if he went on a date, but it was obvious it bothered you. He just wanted to talk to you about it, but your ability to avoid him was almost inspiring.
That night, much to his shock, you knocked on his door. To be fair, you were a little surprised to find yourself standing in front of it too.
The moment he opened it, you were on him, and he couldn't resist. You didn't want to talk and he quickly realized he didn't care. As long as he could touch you, he didn't care about a damn thing.
"Please, Stevie--just fuck me," you begged as you laid across his bed, naked body covered in a light sheen of sweat from the foreplay.
"With pleasure," he growled as he fully sheathed himself inside of you with one thrust.
It had only been two weeks, but the stretch felt almost as intense as the first time. You cried out his name and clung to him like he was a lifeline. Like he was the only thing holding you together, even while he was desperate to watch you fall apart.
Every kiss was hungry, every thrust brutal, every touch desperate. He left marks on your neck and chest, while you left yours along his shoulders and back. Evidence of this moment, even if it wouldn't last long.
He held you so tightly as he fucked into you, listening to the broken sounds slipping past your parted lips.
"Missed you, Stevie," you whimpered.
His heart clenched in his chest, but he pushed the feeling aside. "Missed you too, baby. No one makes me feel the way you do."
A sharp pang of hurt rattled through you--assuming incorrectly he'd slept with the girl he'd taken on a date. You didn't want to think about that right now, so you pushed down your hurt and focused on the moment.
Steve had you screaming his name as you came soon after, but he wasn't anywhere near finished with you. He fucked you in several more positions, with several more orgasms, until he finally allowed himself to finish.
He held you close, chest to chest, as he pulled another earth-shattering orgasm from you. "Gonna fill you up, sweet girl. Gonna make you mine."
His words hit somewhere deep inside you that you couldn't bear to think about it in the moment. Instead you begged him to fill you up, held him tightly as he came with a barely contained cry of your name.
You held each other as the aftershocks rocked both of your bodies, but even after they'd subsided, Steve didn't move away. He couldn't. This was it, he realized. The moment he'd been dreading. He couldn't do this anymore. Couldn't fuck you and leave like it wasn't killing him inside.
"Steve," you murmured softly. "You're crushing me."
"Shit, sorry sweetheart." He pulled himself off you, even as the pain of separation shot through him.
You inhaled deeply, trying not to show how badly you didn't want this to end. But you knew it had to. You couldn't keep doing this to yourself. It wasn't just this moment that had to end--it was all of it.
Just as you sat up, Steve's voice cut through the silent tension. "Please stay."
You inhaled sharply, refusing to look his way. "I can't."
He sat up, desperate to reach for you, but he kept his hands to himself. "Please, (Y/N/N). Don't go. Stay."
"You don't really mean that, Steve," you whispered, sounding more broken than he'd ever heard you before. "I can't keep doing this."
"What do you mean?" He felt the panic rising in his chest. Even though he'd just had the same thought, hearing you say it frightened him.
"This." You gestured between the two of you, still not looking at him. "I can't keep doing this and pretending it's fine. It's not. I'm not."
His eyebrows dipped low. "Wha-what do you mean you're not fine? This was your idea."
Your head whipped in his direction so fast he worried you'd have whiplash. "My idea? What the hell are you talking about?"
"You said you wanted no strings! Just sex! Are you saying that changed?"
You stared at him open mouthed for what felt like hours. Then suddenly, a broken laugh shattered the silence. "I thought this was what you wanted!"
Now it was Steve's turn to be shocked. "Me? I never wanted this--I just agreed because I thought it was the only way I could have you."
You laughed in earnest now. Not because it was funny, but because it was so incredibly stupid. You'd both been stupid. "This whole time you thought I just wanted to fuck...and I thought that's what you wanted. Jesus Christ, we're both idiots."
Realization settled deep into Steve's bones and a breathless laugh escaped him. "I never wanted that, baby. I'm crazy about you. Always have been. I was about to get on my knees and beg you to stay because I love you. I love you so much it hurts."
You flung yourself into his arms, tackling him back against the mattress. He laughed as his arms wrapped around you, holding you tightly against him. You kissed him deeply, trying to infuse every drop of love into that single movement.
"So does that mean you love me too?" he marveled.
A soft chuckle brushed against his lips. "So damn much, Stevie. I've never loved anyone the way I love you."
He grinned ear to ear and pulled you in for another kiss. As he deepened it, he flipped you onto your back and slid back into you, desperate to show you his love the best way he knew how.
"I've got you, sweet girl. I'll always have you," he promised.
His words were gentle and reassuring, and you believed them, truly believed them for the first time. You knew he would spend the rest of his life proving it, and gods help you, you'd do the same.
