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marvel au
bucky x blackwidow!reader
You and Bucky Barnes go undercover as a married couple, but when a fake kiss gets too real, he unexpectedly finishes in his pants—leaving you both stunned.
Tags: 18+ content minors dni, smut, fem reader, dry humping, blindfolding, handjobs, fondling, nudity, dry humping, grinding, female masterbation, soft dom vibes reader, soft sub vibes bucky, bucky is touch starved, premature ejaculation, clothed ejaculation,reader has dubious methods of coping, vague mentions of previous sa, ex black widow reader, mentions of red room, very consensual, safe words, use of safe word/motion, kissing, panic attacks, bucky barnes needs a hug, if you squint, there's some plot, fluff, angst, bickering, major arguements, sparring, training, mentions of alcohol, injury, bloodr, eader is lowkey depressed, trauma. mentions of past violence, death and war, no use of y/n, lmk if i've missed anything - will be updated with each part
main masterlist
PARTS [5/7]
part one
part two
part three
part four
part five
“Come on Nat, I don’t see the need for me to help you plan Steve’ s party” you grumbled from your spot on the couch.
“You know we have to do something for his birthday” she shrugged.
“I know, but you always plan the perfect party. I don’t think you need my help” you added.
She rolled her eyes at you and huffed.
You let out a sigh.
“What are you thinking then?” you asked, and she smiled at you.
You had joined the Avengers a little over a year ago and haven’t looked back. From a regular field agent to desk agent, to weapons specialist, to an undercover agent, you’ve seen and done it all.
Perhaps your versatility is what lead you to your current position with the team, one Fury said would be invaluable to the team of super soldiers and highly trained individuals.
You fit in fine with everyone, well, almost everyone, except for one, Bucky Barnes.
No, you never fought or argued with the man, just that you’ve barely spent more than 10 minutes in the same room as him and said more than a few words to him. Your mission partner Sam is always up in his face, and quite frankly, Bucky scares you.
Not because of his past, but because of his death glares and stares he would shoot both you and Sam while on missions.
Apparently, the former assassin hates jokes and smiling.
You tried talking to him, tried being friends with him, but everything you did, it never was reciprocated. He would always roll his eyes at you, or just get up and leave the room if you came in. You were first insulted that he would leave a room you walked in, and it hurt the few times he did it, but now, you could care less.
The more time you spend out of his presence, the better in your opinion.
The man was ridiculous. If he wasn’t scowling, he was grumbling, and if he wasn’t staring, he was glaring. So, you left him alone. It was hard from time to time if you had to ask him a question, or join him in the field, but you made it work.
Handsome or not, the man was kind of a dick.
“I’m thinking a BBQ and maybe fireworks on the lawn” Nat shrugged.
“What, no large extravagant party, theme park day, or vacation to the beach?” you asked.
“We’ve done all of that. I think it’s time for something quiet” she added.
You thought about it.
Yeah, something quiet would suit Steve quite nicely.
“Tony’s away, so he said no big parties without him. Steve is coming back in a few days from his mission, so he’ll be tired and won’t want to do too much”
“Is this a surprise?”
“No, Steve will just find out. You know how nosy he is, and Sam can’t keep a secret” she rolled her eyes.
“Ok”
“Ok as in you’ll help me?”
“No, ok as in ok, I am agreeing with you. I’m still not helping you” you shook your head.
“Can you at least bake the cake? There’s only going to be you, me, Steve, Wanda, Sam, and Bucky. Everyone else is away”
You thought about it.
Everyone always likes your cakes and cookies.
“Fine”
“Red velvet and cream cheese icing with some blueberries on the top?” she asked, and you shuddered.
You were pretty sure you were the only one in the world who hated red velvet cake, but everyone else loved it. Plus, it being the fourth of July, red, white, and blue was kind of a must.
“Fine, but I’m making something else for me so I can enjoy it over that red monstrosity you call delicious”
“Oh, I know” she winked at you and left the room.
You got up and went to the kitchen pantry to see about ingredients for your cake and were rummaging through the pantry. You made some mental notes on what you needed when you turned to the island to add to your list when a large body caught you off guard.
You let out a small squeak at the figure lurking in front of the fridge.
“Bucky!” you gasped while grabbing your chest.
He looked over at you and smirked. You composed yourself and shook your head.
“You scared me” you said adding to your store list.
He just watched you as you scribbled away. You looked up at him, waiting for him to say something, but he grabbed a juice and left the kitchen.
“Ok then” you mumbled as Sam walked in.
“Want help shopping?” he asked.
You looked at him weirdly.
“Nat told me you’re baking” he shrugged.
For a stealthy spy, Nat has a big mouth sometimes.
“Sure Sam”
The two of you left to shop.
Steve came back from his solo mission and sat at the island while you made the cake for his party. His party was the following day and you wanted to relax and enjoy it while not having to slave away, so you made the cake the day before.
“This seems like a lot of trouble”
Steve rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
“What? It’s no trouble Steve, I enjoy it” you shrugged while you were mixing and measuring ingredients and checking your recipe instructions.
Steve blushed a little and smiled.
The kitchen was a slight disaster as you had both ingredients to your desserts spread all over the place.
“I know, but still…” he shrugged.
“Steve, we haven’t had a party for a while, and it being your birthday and the fourth of July, we need to celebrate something. It would be so un-American of us not to” you teased while mixing the batter.
Just as you finished, Bucky walked in and scowled at your mess.
“Hey Buck” Steve said, and Bucky nodded.
Bucky was still looking at the kitchen, looking horrified at the mess.
“Sorry. I’ll clean it up soon” you mumbled.
You placed the cake pans in the oven and went to work on your lemon tart filling. Bucky only frowned, grabbed a water, and left.
You could have heard him mumble your name, disaster, and chaotic, but he was too far down the hallway for you to confront him.
“What’s his problem?” you said out loud.
Steve only smiled lightly and shrugged. You never wanted to bash his friend in front of him or make him feel bad, but your patience with the grumpy super soldier was running out.
“Just leave him. He usually hates parties and get togethers. I don’t even think he’ll be here for it anyways.” Steve added.
“Is he going somewhere?”
“No, he said he’s just going to stay inside” Steve shrugged while he got up from his spot.
“Oh, well then. Tell him there’s going to be a lot of food so when we’re done shoving our faces, I’ll just bring some inside and he can help himself.”
You had no idea why you said that. Enabling his anti-social behaviour wasn’t something you wanted to do, but being a little introverted at times, you understood Bucky’s need for quiet peace.
The day of Steve’s birthday was here, and you and Nat were in the kitchen helping Sam cook pancakes, waffles, eggs, toast, and hashed browns while everyone chatted away, excited about the BBQ and fireworks. You could have sworn you saw Bucky flinch at the mention of the fireworks but brushed it off when Sam plopped himself down and started talking about his upcoming mission.
Bucky excused himself and left while you helped clean up.
The BBQ was going great. Food was plentiful, drinks were flowing, music was pumping, there were some outdoor games like Jenga, connect four, and Yahtzee people could play with, and everyone was enjoying themselves. Nat invited a handful of other agents after dinner to join in the fun so there would be a few more people to celebrate with.
Everyone was there, but a certain grumpy super soldier. You took a few plates of food back to the kitchen and placed them in the fridge. Every time you did this, the plate you previously added was gone so you know who was helping themselves.
Either that or the compound had a hungry raccoon living in the walls.
You all sang happy birthday to Steve, making his cheeks flush red as he kicked his feet a little at the ground in embarrassment as presents and plates of cake and tart were passed around. Everyone moaned at the deliciousness of the desserts but groaned they were too full as you chuckled to yourself.
You cleaned up the food and had a plate special for Bucky with a piece of cake and tart on it which you hand delivered to his room.
You had no idea if he would like either of them, but you just shrugged and made you way inside. You didn’t want Sam coming into the fridge in an hour and eating the left-over desserts before Bucky had a chance to try them.
“Here”
You handed Bucky the plate of sweets.
“I wanted to make sure you got some before it was all gone” you shrugged.
Bucky took the plate as you turned to leave.
“Thanks” he mumbled.
You didn’t turn around to reply as you went back to the party.
The sky was darkening into night, and Sam and Wanda were getting the fireworks ready. There was a slight breeze which made you chilly, so you turned to head to your room to grab a sweater.
“I’ll be back!” you called while Sam waved the lighter, setting off one of the fireworks.
Everyone ooh and ahhd at the flickering colourful lights that exploded above you.
You made your way to your room, which happened to be in the same hallway as Bucky’s when you could have sworn you heard whimpering. You stopped to listen a little closer, but you didn’t hear it. Shaking your head, you took off to your room in search of a sweater.
There were a few more booms and pops as you made your way down the hall with your sweater as you heard a loud thud and bump from Bucky’s room.
You stared at his door for a few minutes, unsure of what to do. Worst case is you open the door, and he freaks out on you for barging into his personal space. Either that, or the door is locked, and you would leave to tell Steve what you heard.
Steve was the only one Bucky let in his room.
“Bucky?” you asked and knocked on his door.
You didn’t hear anything.
“Ok, let me know if you need anything”
A loud pop from outside was heard along with a THUD that came from his room again.
“What the hell?” you whispered to yourself.
You placed your hand on the knob and twisted.
To your surprise, the door was unlocked so you knocked as you quietly opened it.
“Bucky? You ok in here?” you quietly asked, waiting for his wrath to come down on your for opening his door and bothering him.
There was no response. Your eyes adjusted to the darkness of Bucky’s room.
Why is he in the dark?
There was a small glint of light peeking through the window, illuminating the space. His room was the standard room given out at the compound, nothing special. No knick knacks, photos, personal items, messy clothes, nothing. Just plain white walls, dark blue bedding, a bedside table, and lamp. No bookcase, shelving unit, nothing.
You noticed the empty plate you gave Bucky that had the cake and tart on it sitting on his bedside table. Only a few crumbs were on it which made you smile to yourself.
At least he liked it.
You looked around when you saw a lump in the corner of the room. You narrowed your eyes at it and was shocked it moved a little.
“Bucky? You ok?” you asked walking up to the lump on the ground.
You heard a few loud pops and booms from the display Sam and Wanda were lighting off. The blinds were closed shut but you still saw a small flickering of light from the colours of the explosions flicker through.
“Go away!” came Bucky’s voice from the blanket blob.
“Bucky, what are you doing in there?” you asked.
You knelt and started moving the blanket aside so you could have a better look at him.
“Are you ok? Are you hurt?”
“I said go away Y/n!” Bucky growled.
Just as you moved the blanket off his face, you leaned back a little, in shock at what you saw. Bucky was cowering in the corner of his room, wrapped in a soft blanket, shaking with beads of sweat on his flushed face.
“Bucky? What’s going on?” you quietly asked.
He gave you a glazed-over look.
Just as you asked that, a pop from a firework went off and Bucky flinched and pulled the blanket up close to his face. You looked at him and leaned back a little. Bucky was terrified of fireworks, but how?
The man could work any kind of gun and grenade there was, set off explosion after explosion, cause chaos with his fists, and yet, he was cowering in the corner of his room under a blanket from some fireworks Sam got from some guy in a school bus off the side of the road.
“Bucky…” you said as you leaned down closer to him.
You scooched yourself next to him and sat close. Neither one of you spoke, but Bucky seemed to ease a little with you there. You moved a little closer, able to peel the blanket away from his chest and fold it down to his lap.
“There”
You patted it lightly.
A few more pops and booms were heard in the distance making Bucky flinch with each one. His breathing was a little erratic and he had his eyes closed, seeming to pray away the noise. Your heart broke for him.
For such a strong and slightly scary man, a few simple colourful pops had reduced him to a whimpering pile of mush.
You felt the tenseness from Bucky as each pop and boom was set off, silently cursing Sam and Wanda under your breath as you looked over at Bucky. He zoned out long before, so you did what you thought was best.
You wrapped your arms around him and held him close to your chest. He seemed to relax in your arms as you held him, rubbing your hands up and down his back. You could feel his sweaty forehead and erratic heartbeat as you held him tightly to you, whispering soft words to him, gently rocking back and forth. He flinched every now and then with each pop, but you assured him everything was fine, and he was safe.
You had no idea what you were doing, but the thought of comforting him was strong in you, so you just hugged him. You kissed the top of his head every so often and you could have sworn you felt him shudder a little but chocked it up to the reaction to the loud pops.
“Bucky, breathe” you whispered after a break in the display.
“Deep breath in, hold it, then out” you would say as he seemed to follow your instructions.
“They’re just fireworks, no one is going to hurt you” you quietly said.
His breathing eased a little and became more stable as you wiped his sweaty forehead and gave him a re-assuring smile. He seemed to focus on your face as he peered in your eyes. He flinched a little as a loud boom thundered outside, making him jump to you and hang onto you like a koala bear to a tree branch.
“It’s ok” you cooed, as you patted his back.
He let out a long breath as you held him. He seemed to relax in your arms as the booms and pops faded in the distance. Sam’s show must be ending you thought to yourself. As the noise ended, Bucky released you a little and he sat back.
He still had his hands on your thighs when you looked at him and smiled lightly, patting his thigh.
He watched you intently.
“There you are. I think you’re ok now yeah?”
You watched him calm down from earlier, giving him a soft smile.
You didn’t want to make him feel embarrassed for being vulnerable, so you patted his thigh and went to get up.
“I’ll leave you be”
“Wait!” he called as he frantically shoved off the blanket and stood up.
You were both standing close to one another.
“Yes?”
“Well, I umm…” he fumbled a little at finding his words.
You had never seen him so out of sorts. Panic attacks come on at the weirdest of places and everyone has them differently and deals with them in a different way.
“Thanks Y/n” he quietly said, “No problem, Bucky” you patted his arm.
“I won’t tell anyone about this” you re-assured him, and he nodded.
“Thanks”
“You sure you’re going to be ok in here all alone?” you asked.
He looked around his room.
He had on a sad blank expression on his face.
“Can you stay for a bit?” he looked a little lost and unsure of himself.
“Ok Bucky” you looked around, not knowing where to put yourself.
You walked over to his bed and sat down, with your back to the headboard. Bucky followed you and did the same to the other side. You both sat in silence, listening to each other breathe. After a while, the silence was killing you.
“So, you’re not a fan of fireworks then?” you hesitantly asked.
He snorted and shook his head no.
“No, not at all. They remind me too much of my past. Had some good times watching them back before things…you know…changed for me…but the noise from them now, and some of the colours can make me think of bad things. Bad things I did as him. Fireworks were sometimes present at the various missions I was a part of. Sometimes using their booms and explosions to hide a gun shot, or bomb…With every explosion I heard tonight, it felt like I was him all over again, on my missions…” he mumbled.
You sat there listening to Bucky tell his story, not wanting to interrupt him. It was nice listening to him speak and thought he had a nice voice but quickly squished those thoughts out from your head.
This was not the time to swoon and be silly you scolded yourself.
“When they said there was going to be fireworks for Steve’s birthday, I was nervous. That’s why I stayed here”
“I understand. You could have told one of us something. Everyone here has panic attacks every so often Bucky” you reminded him.
“In fact, I had one a few days ago. I zoned out at the shooting range, remembering one of my past missions. We lost a lot of people on it and the overwhelming sadness and helplessness came over me while I was reloading my gun. It felt like I was smothered, and I couldn’t breathe. Sam helped me through it” you shrugged.
“You? Had a panic attack?” gasped Bucky.
“It’s kind of a given with our jobs” you snorted.
“I guess”
“Why? You don’t think I get them?”
“Well, no. You’re always so sure of yourself. You’re confident and a great mission partner” he shrugged.
To say you were blown away at Bucky’s admission was an understatement.
“It’s ok to have them. I find, the more you talk about them, the better you are at recognizing them and dealing with them. If you ever feel overwhelmed again, come and find me. I’ll help you, no questions asked” you shrugged one shoulder.
You hunkered down and turned over to see him better.
He watched you with his icy blue eyes, almost trying to see if you were lying or genuine.
You reached out and patted his arm. He smiled a little and moved a little closer to you.
“Everyone will wonder where you’ve been” he said after a few moments of silence.
“Meh, I was getting chilly and was looking to head in anyways” you shrugged.
Bucky smiled to himself.
“Thanks for helping me Y/n” he said, and you smiled.
“Anytime Bucky” you replied, tapping his arm.
The room was quiet again as you both laid on the bed and listened to the quiet. Bucky scooched a little closer to you, breaking the silence with the ruffling of the bedding.
“C-can I come a little closer? I liked it when you held me” he whispered.
Your heart did a little skip while your stomach did a flop.
What was this? Was Bucky asking to snuggle? Where did this come from?
“Sure thing”
You moved your arms out and he snuggled right into them.
He let out a sigh and deep breath. Whatever this was between the two of you, you wanted to keep a mental image of it as you smiled to yourself.
You had some questions for him the following day, but for now, you were holding Bucky in your arms, and you didn’t want to be anywhere else.
5 Times There Was Only One Bed (and the one time there were two beds) | Bucky x Reader | One Shot - 4.7k
Whether it's on a mission, a work event or a holiday, your sleeping arrangements never seem to work out as planned. It doesn't really bother you until...it does. Confronted with a night sleeping apart, you and Bucky finally talk.
Warnings: 18+ for language, suggestive situations and sexism (but not from our Bucky he would never). Also rated F for fluffy and S for snuggling.
Written for the @bucks-and-noble Valentrope event - "there was only on bed" the reigning champion of tropes!
Divider by @firefly-graphics & @reveriesources
Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Fics
Your first mission with Bucky Barnes went really well, until it didn’t.
After successfully destroying an underground Hydra base you’d returned to your transport in a less than desirable state.
“Fuck, four flats.” You huffed, poking the tyre with the toe of your tactical boot.
“Fuel line’s been cut.” Bucky muttered from the front, “lucky they didn’t torch it.”
Bucky quietly rubbed a gloved hand over his face, before looking up at the admittedly stunning night sky, he seemed to study it for a moment before making a quarter turn to his left and climbing up a ridge of sandy rock. As if dazed you followed him. You could see for miles thanks to the glow of a full moon, the stars dense and glittering above you both. It was almost romantic, if you didn’t have blood on your cheek and an empty gun on your hip.
Bucky still looked like he could sweep you off your feet though, with his structured tactical vest making his broad shoulders look even wider, his wind swept hair giving him the look of a romantic hero on the front of a paperback, especially with one foot perched on the outcrop of rock above you.
“Let’s go.” He pointed towards a glow rising from beyond the horizon and you’d started walking, doing your best to keep up with his long strides. You could see the motel, how far could it really be.
As soon as you climbed down the motel vanished and the reality of your trek set in.
Around hour two Bucky slowed his pace to allow you to catch up. He didn’t speak much, just what was necessary, and sometimes a hello when he saw you around the compound. But he struck you as shy, rather than cruel or rude. He had checked on you after the mission brief two days ago to make sure you were happy with the plans and, when you were left at the drop off zone, had given you a few of his spare rounds.
You were starting to flag, your steps faltering in the dust and your fingers frozen. Without the sun the desert was so cold the tips of your ears felt like they’d fallen off. Bucky slowed too, cracking a heat pack and handing it over, swapping it for your pack.
“Thank you,” you whispered, teeth chattering.
He didn’t say anything, just gave you a tight smile and turned back towards the motel, growing closer with each step.
Three hours after you’d discovered the flat tyre, you fell through the door of the dingy motel room, exhausted, cold and starving, only to be met with the sight of one queen size bed and a single chair by the window.
“I’m gonna sleep,” you slurred, unable to manage more than zipping off your tactical vest. You fell onto your back and tried to toe off your boots but they were too tight. Your eyes slid shut and you felt the sensation of Bucky sitting on the other side of the thin mattress, making you roll towards him slightly. His weight shifted and settled, the warmth of his body behind yours comforting after everything you’d seen that evening.
He smelt nice too, despite the blood and sweat and gunpowder, he smelt like sandalwood and the desert air. It was all you could think of as you drifted into a deep sleep, how much you wanted to press your face into his back and breathe him in.
The next morning you woke to find Bucky already showered and dressed, pushing his damp hair back from his face and brushing his teeth while he called Torres for new exit plans.
Your boots and socks were off, arranged neatly by the door, a coffee steaming on the bedside table.
Despite all the changes a new team had brought, Bucky liked working with you. You were quiet too and didn’t mind when he was silent for almost a whole mission. You were efficient and skilled, but empathetic, always stopping during the fall out to ensure the team were together and protecting civilians whenever you could.
So it was no surprise to him when you offered to share the bed at the hotel. Sam and Joaquín had long since retired to their room, but you’d both stayed at the hotel bar, silently emptying a bottle of red wine while Bucky continued his 100 Books to Read Before You Die list and you scrolled through your phone, catching up on everything you’d missed during the five day - “phone’s off, and yes, I mean you Agent” - mission.
As soon as you retired to the room you knew there’d been a mistake.
“Ah, shit.” You’d dropped your bag to the floor by the door and Bucky had almost walked into your back, peering over your shoulder at the very neatly made double bed. The only bed.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take the couch.” Bucky had sighed, resigned to a night of lumpy, uncomfortable sleep.
“There isn’t one.” You pushed your bag further into the room with your foot and Bucky brushed past to survey the space.
“The floor then.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m not.”
“You’re not sleeping on the floor, the bed’s big enough for two, we can share.”
You’d said it with such easy grace that he’d felt almost insulted that his chivalrous offer was so easily deflected. Then you’d returned from the bathroom smelling like mint and almond oil, your loose pyjamas hanging off one shoulder and just like that, he gave in.
By the time he’d change and brushed his teeth you were already asleep, holding a pillow close to your chest with your leg well over onto his side of the bed. Carefully he moved you back to your side and slid under the cool sheet next to you.
He woke first the next morning to find you still attempting to occupy the majority of the bed, your face relaxed and mouth slightly open. Bucky indulged in a moment of quiet comfort before getting up. You wouldn’t want him staring at you, you’d be embarrassed that you were trying to cuddle him and it’d ruin the fragile bond you were forming with each mission.
By 9am you were both making fun of Joaquín’s terrible hotel bookings over pancakes and coffee.
“Why can’t we just ask for directions?”
“Are you seriously asking me that?”
“Yes?”
“Because we just crossed a border illegally, we have no papers, no passports, we’re lying low.”
“They’re hardly going to ask to see our passports, Bucky.” You sighed, hitching your bag higher on your back.
You’d been walking since 5am that morning, crossing through a forest trail to avoid borders and rendezvous with Torres in a village that should have been a few miles away so that you could evac together.
5am seemed a long time ago now that the sun was setting. You’d stopped briefly to heat up a can of beans, a “late lunch, early dinner” Bucky had called it, smiling at you over the steaming mess tin you were sharing.
The scalding heat had dissipated now though and you were tired. The memory of his hand touching yours as you ate still lingering.
“We’re not going to find him tonight, we should stop.” Bucky suggested, “I’ll find a good place to camp.”
Suddenly you were grateful that Mr Overprepared had packed a tent.
“Good idea.” You agreed, rubbing your hands together.
“Well, I will be, you didn’t bring a tent, did you?” He said, walking deeper into the woods, running his foot over the ground, looking for somewhere flat.
Your heart sank, he was right, you’d laughed at him when he’d attached it to his already full pack and he’d said you’d regret it, a teasing look in his eye. Well. You were regretting it. It had started raining a few minutes before, gentle rain drops that got heavy in each gap between the canopy. You had no doubt it’d be heavier soon though, and with the sun setting you didn’t relish the idea of being wet and cold out in the dark.
Bucky stopped and turned, lowering his pack to the floor between two large trunked trees and those twinkling eyes made butterflies take flight in the pit of your stomach. A boyish grin crossed his face as he got to work.
Ten minutes later and the tent was up, strung between the trees and extra protected with some fallen foliage.
Bucky unlaced his boots and placed them between the inner and outer tent before climbing in, when you didn’t follow he poked his head back around the flap of the tent, patting the unrolled sleeping bag next to him.
“C’mon, you really think I’d make you sleep out there?” He was almost laughing, and the sound was so welcome, so stupidly content despite your situation, you could barely stand it.
You squeezed in, using the inner fleece layer from your coat as a blanket. Bucky lifted the side of his sleeping bag.
“C’mon,” he mumbled, eyes already closed, when you hesitated he tugged you closer until you were tucked against his chest. He rearranged your coats on top of you both until you could feel your fingers again. “Warmer?”
“Yeah, thanks, Bucky.”
He didn’t respond, his breathing heavy and even, beneath his sweater you could hear the steady thump of his heart as it lulled you to sleep in his arms.
Bucky hated these stupid events, he’d only been persuaded to come because you’d done those big round puppy dog eyes and said it’d be no fun without him. Joaquín had asked too and, although Sam had joked that it’d be more fun without ‘Mr Grumpy’, Bucky knew he’d only been teasing.
But it was you that had convinced him. It was those eyes, the way your voice had gone up a little and you’d pouted in that silly way you did when Joaquín took the last doughnut at mission briefings. He couldn’t resist. And he had no idea what to do about it.
Behind him he could hear another team talking about you, how they didn't understand why you were always working with ‘that asshole Barnes’ so much.
In the anonymous dark they joked about you, about him, as if you were a reward for a guard dog. A babysitter for his more violent tendencies. Worse, disgusting, accusations about how you'd come by your place in the team. He suddenly missed his mother, she'd have washed their mouths out with soap.
He felt sick.
Bucky took a long swig from his beer and chased it with a shot of whisky, anything to stop his teeth from grinding.
They were wrong on so many counts. You were skilled and fearless, soft and fierce at all the right moments. But you didn't care about him, or Sam or Joaquín for that matter. Not in the vile, disrespectful way those men imagined. You didn’t men like them - him - messy, unpredictable, unstable. You didn’t really need anyone.
But Bucky - he took another swig, trying to stop the swirling feeling in his chest - he cared for you. He couldn't stop thinking about you. And as angry as he was at what he heard, he was equally ashamed for wishing that you did want him.
He’d been watching you dance with Joaquín and one of your other agent friends for more than an hour now. Your body swaying and rippling in time to the music, your dress ghosting over your hips in a way that made his mouth dry. It was one thing to work with you in army fatigues or go to meetings with you in your casual jeans - the stealth suit had been really pushing his patience recently so he didn't want to think about it - but he could at least keep himself under control while your skin was covered. Then you arrived wearing this dress. The neckline alone made him want to sink to his knees in front of you.
Joaquín danced away with your friend, you winked at the lieutenant and smacked his ass as he passed - you were definitely drunk.
Alone you swayed to the music, still in your own world.
“She’s so fucking drunk -”
“Absolute embarrassment -”
“Can’t believe they let her in -”
Bucky slammed his drink down on the bar top and grabbed his leather jacket, stalking across the dancefloor like a shadow, the lights skimming over him.
You were facing away from him and he couldn’t resist, his hands finding your waist so naturally, his body melting into yours, matching the slow roll of your hips so he could lean into your ear.
“I think it’s time to go,” he whisper-shouted above the pounding music.
“Bucky!” You exclaimed, completely ignoring his suggestion, “dance with me!”
You span in his hands, leaning up and into him, your hands around his neck, twisting into his hair. The little tug you gave sent pleasure shooting down his spine. God he was weak, his body moved without his say so, slipping a leg between yours and - fuck - you were grinding against him. He was lost.
The song ended, fading into the next as the lights flickered and he regained enough of his faculties to remember you were drunk, very drunk.
“C’mon, doll, let’s go, I’ll get you some water-”
“You still here, sweetheart? Don’t you think you’ve embarrassed yourself enough.”
Was he still here? Fucking asshole.
Bucky rounded on him, keeping you close with a hand around your waist.
“You boys having a good night?” You grinned, unable to hear their cruel words over the music.
You were just so - good, so kind, even when these pricks were trying to tear you down, your first instinct was to be friendly - he couldn’t stand it.
“I said -” the agent grinned, dipping down, placing his hands on his knees and levelling his face with yours, that patronising glint in his eyes, “are you still fucking here you stupid bitch?”
Bucky saw red, tucking you under his left arm, pushing you behind his back as he had so many times during missions, and smashing his right straight into the agent’s nose.
“Didn’t your Ma teach you to speak to ladies with respect?”
Blood dripped onto the dark dance floor, a circle forming as the other party goers backed away.
Bucky gave the man one last disapproving look and then his attention was solely focussed on you, leading you out past the crowd until you were outside in the freezing air. He draped his jacket around your shoulders and watched as you snuggled inside. Was he dreaming or did you inhale deeply when he did it?
“M’sorry, Buck.” You hiccupped, leaning into him, eyes half shut.
He took your weight gladly, “s’okay, you didn’t do anything wrong, it was those idiots in there.” With staggering steps you made it to the next street over and Bucky said nothing as he unlocked the door.
“Where are we?” You slurred, your ankles twisting in your heels with each step.
“My place, I thought you could sober up here while I call you a cab to get you back to your hotel.”
He settled you on the couch and tried to walk away, but there was a hand hooked in his belt loop.
“F’got you live in Neewww York,” you closed your eyes, resting your head against his hip as you continued to mumble about ‘the big apple’, he willed himself to breath deeply, he was struggling to keep his body under control.
“Yeah - what’s your hotel called?”
“You called me ‘doll’,” you giggled, your fingers closing around his belt.
“I did, sorry, it just slipped out. Your hotel?”
“Dun worry, I liked it - can I stay here? I sleep here.” You let go, only to curl up on the sofa, your dress sliding up your thighs.
“Sure.” He sighed.
Bucky scooped you up again and nudged the door to his bedroom open with his hip, the duvet was still rumpled from the night before. Another night of no sleep, at least it was because of you and not another nightmare. And now you were here, nose pressed into his chest, ready to sleep in his bed.
“Okay, I’ll be out here if you need me, g’night.”
“Stay.”
“I’ll be right outside if you need-”
“Stay.”
And it was those puppy dog eyes again, the pout, the voice, the hand on his belt.
Even though he knew you’d sleep like a log, hogging his duvet and encroaching on his space, even though he knew you’d be embarrassed in the morning, probably hungover as hell. Even though, come the morning, he was right. He still had the best nights sleep he’d ever had since he bought the place.
You hadn’t been this relaxed in a long time, you were sure if you stood up you’d simply melt into a puddle. Sun warm skin, the buzz of a few too many afternoon beers in your system and the sound of laughter as Sam, Joaquín and Bucky continued to try and catch a single fish had lulled you into a half sleep, dozing on the deck of the Paul & Darlene
“Hey, you want another beer, doll?”
Bucky’s voice drifted over to you and you cracked one eye open. He’d unbuttoned his shirt half way down his chest, the white cotton sticking to his sweaty, sunkissed skin. He hadn’t been able to drop the nickname since he'd had to rescue you at the gala. Although you'd done your best to keep yourself away. The way his eyes burned into you when he turned your way, the memory of his body imprinted into yours, his leg pressing against you, the shadow of a hardness that made your mouth water.
He'd been the perfect gentleman, of course. Had made sure you were safe and comfortable, even escorted you back to your hotel in the morning after a huge home cooked breakfast.
He was a gent. And you were an embarrassment. It ate away at you until you couldn't even look at him.
“Hmm?”
“Beer?” He asked again, holding out the bottle, the cap already popped off.
“Uh, yeah, thanks.”
He flopped down beside you on the deck, the last of the day fading beyond the horizon and leaving you bobbing in the inky abyss where the sky met the water.
“You feeling okay?” He took a swig and you watched the condensation on the bottle trickle over his fingers.
“Oh, yeah, fine.”
“You look dazed, that's all, don't want you getting sunstroke on us.”
Bucky looked genuinely concerned and you figured, from the sudden sick feeling inside, that maybe your heart had skipped a few beats or flipped over or something.
“Uh -” Fuck, did he have to leave his shirt open like that? He asked a question, what was it?
“Are you okay?” He used the back of his right hand and placed it against your forehead, “you feel really hot. Maybe you do have sun stroke.”
“I’m fine, honestly.” You shrugged him off, but went looking for a bottle of water anyway.
As the boat made its way back to the dock you watched the lights of Sarah’s house flicker on in the distance. Sam had invited the three of you to stay, taking up all of Sarah’s space and the room on the boat, while her and the boys went into the city for the night. It was a generous offer, one that you couldn’t say no to after months of hard work without a break.
In the pitch dark you all stumbled back up the driveway, only to find Sarah on the porch.
“Sarah -” Sam jogged to reach her first, concern written on his brow.
“I’m alright, Sam, don’t fuss. It’s just Cass, ate too many beignets and threw up so I thought we should come home. He’s upstairs with AJ. Sorry we messed up your plans.”
Bucky took the suitcase from her hands, “it’s your home Sarah, you haven’t messed up anything.”
She threw an arm around his shoulders and hugged him sideways, a familiar gesture you’d seen her make before, but for some reason your tummy twisted, jealousy stirring.
“Means we’ll need some rooms back though, I know I said you could all stay but-”
A chorus of voices filled the air, refusing to let Sarah apologise, before you started to get organised.
“Well Cass needs his own bed, that’s a given.” You said, worried that the young boy might be ill as well as over excited about his food.
“Of course,” Joaquín agreed. “Sarah, you’re obviously taking your room too. We wouldn’t ask you to give that up. I’ll go on the couch in the sitting room.” He smiled.
You looked between your other two colleagues, but Bucky spoke first.
“Well if Torres’ taking the couch I’m not going to argue, I’d rather be in a bed even if it is on a boat.” He ruffled Joaquín’s hair affectionately and the younger man shoved at him.
Sam looked at you, “you can take my bed, if you want, I can change the sheets -”
“I’ll sleep on other sofa -”
“You’ll share with me, right doll?”
The three of you spoke at once, and Sarah raised her eyebrows then her hands before opening the front door, “I’ll be in bed, you kids figure this out yourself.”
“Bucky -” Sam started.
“Sam - we’ve shared before,” there was a glimmer of hope that glowed inside of you when Bucky stepped closer, his shirt fluttering open again in the breeze, revealing his toned chest and that dusting of dark hair, creeping under the buckle of his jeans. “Besides, wouldn’t be the first time you’ve made us share, would it?” Bucky joked, nudging Sam as they went to collect more blankets and bedding, “what about that hotel-”
His voice faded until all you could hear were the crickets in the distance, you’d forgotten about Joaquín until he walked past, turning backwards at the last moment so he could see you again, “if you don’t want to share with Barnes…” he let the offer hang in the air and you were torn.
Really, you should protest and ask for your own space. But then you’d missed the sound of his steady breathing beside you, the weight and warmth of him when he turned over into your space. In fact you’d missed him completely, even if you’d been avoiding him on purpose.
Secretly you hoped the bedroom on the boat would be cooler now the sun had gone down, perhaps he’d hold you like he did while you were camping.
Sam let you back onto the boat, making sure you had enough blankets for two distinct sleeping arrangements if you wanted.
Bucky slid into the cool cotton sheets in only his boxers and, shyly, you followed. Expecting to sleep alone you’d packed shorts and a vest, revealing more than you really wanted to considering he clearly didn’t return your interest.
Bucky kept politely to his side of the bed, his arms awkwardly stiff at his side when he turned away from you. Unable to stop yourself you turned too, watching the strong line of his back relax as his breathing evened out.
The boat bobbed gently, lulling you to sleep. You were vaguely aware of a strong arm tugging you closer, the smell of Bucky’s shampoo and sun cream and the weight of a bed rising to meet you.
Everything went perfectly, again, until it didn’t.
Intelligence? Secured. Exit? Executed to perfection. Adrenaline fueled burger stop where Bucky wiped a drop of sauce from your lips exactly as you planned? Complete. Motel booking? Perfect?
You and Bucky stared at the two motel beds.
In the entire time you’d been working together you’d never really managed it. There were either no rooms, the room was wrong or there was no room at all, just whatever you could find. And now there were two beds and you felt sick and your head hurt and after everything you’d seen and done today the last thing you wanted to do was sleep alone.
“Doll?” Bucky placed a hand on the small of your back and reality came screeching to a halt around you.
“Sorry, Buck, I must be really tired, I’m going to shower and get in bed. Do you mind if I go first?” You were already half to the bathroom, the zip down on your tac suit, were you imagining Bucky’s eyes dropping down to where your skin was revealed?
“Of course, whatever you need, I’ll just be…here,”
After a perfunctory shower consisting of a dribble of hot water that quickly turned into a freezing cold torrent, you returned to the shared room.
Bucky hurried past, his body brushing against yours in the doorway, firm and muscular, yet you knew that being held by him was soft and warm. You tried not to feel too sad that there’d be no excuse for getting close to him again for the rest of your trip.
By the time he was finished you were tucked into bed, trying to read the paperback you’d found in the draw because the television signal was terrible.
He stood in the window, a shadow against the light filtering in through the thin material of the curtains, ruffling his wet hair with a towel, his sweatpants so at odds with the man who’d been by your side just a few hours before. This was a rare sight, one you were privileged to see.
Bucky tossed the towel onto the chair by the door and then sat on the end of the other bed, watching you read from the corner of his eye. You knew because the last three paragraphs had become a blur of words, your focus solely on Bucky.
“Maybe we should go to sleep, we’ve got a long drive tomorrow.”
“You’re right.”
You both slid down into bed, separately, and you’d never felt so alone.
In the darkness you could see the shape of him, facing the door with his hand tucked under his pillow, and somehow the darkness made you braver.
“Would it be weird if I said I missed you?” You whispered.
Bucky rolled over, but put his hand back under his pillow, no doubt he had something hidden under there, he usually did.
“I miss you too.”
You shuffled back, letting the sheets fall further down the bed, “I know you have your own space over there and you probably don’t want to be all cramped up with me, but if you wanted to share still -”
Bucky was out of his bed before you could finish, slipping under the sheets. He’d taken off his sweatpants before getting into bed, his legs bed warm against your own and you bit your lip, trying to focus on his face and not on his almost naked body just inches away.
“Hi.”
“Hi, doll.”
“You don’t have to keep calling me that.”
“What if I want to?”
He was so close, his breath minty when it ghosted over your lips, his nose touching yours, his long eyelashes making his crystal eyes look brighter.
“What if I missed you being in my bed? What if I always want to share with you?” He reached his hand out, cupping your cheek.
“You do?”
And then his lips were on yours, so soft, his tongue slipping past yours as you gasped. One cool metal hand and one callused, drawing you closer, a leg between your thighs, your bodies rolling together and - “oh, Bucky.” You sighed into his mouth, letting him tug you into him.
“I - I want that too -” you squeezed out between kisses, “I wanna always - always - be in your bed - I - I always hoped we had too.”
“You did?” He pulled back, stroking a thumb down your cheek and over your kiss bitten lips.
“Uh huh, I did,”
“You been sabotaging us this whole time, baby?” He laughed, his eyes sparkling.
“No,” you laughed too, turning your head to kiss the pad of his thumb, “maybe I should’ve though.”
“Maybe,” his hand left your face to cup the back of your neck, drawing you down for another languid kiss.
“How long?”
“How long, what?”
“How long have you wanted -” his question trailed off into another series of featherlight kisses.
“Since, ugh - Utah?” You offered shyly, embarrassed to admit that you’d been head over heels from the start.
With a groan he rolled you over, slipping his body between your open legs, his hips settling just right against your own. “Fuck,” he dropped his forehead to yours, “we could’ve been doing this the whole time.” He admitted, lifting his head to smile down at you.
“Well then I guess we have some making up to do,” you linked your hands behind his head, tangling your fingers in his hair.
BUCKY BARNES who likes to be close to you during sex, to hold you, to feel you. to look you in the eyes:
just him cross-legged in the middle of the bed - you sat atop his lap facing him, your legs merely enveloped around his hips, cock snuggly wedged inside the warmth of your cunt.
you'd have your arms wrapped around each other for support, the action intimate and sensual - the sandwiching of your chests alluding to the closeness of it all. one metal, one fleshed hand clasped around the middle of your back, fingers spread wide, dragging over your skin. your arms draped over bucky's shoulders, wrists loosely entwined behind his neck, teasing fingers skimming the shorts of hair at the back of his head.
his thrusts would be almost non-existent, the motion only being the fluid rocking as he grinds up into you. the curve of his pretty cock slotted perfectly inside, the angle hitting all the right spots - veins grazing against the gummy ridges of your walls, the friction enough to satiate every need.
for the most part, he'd keep his gaze locked on yours, his soft blues intently watching the bliss and lust cloud your eyes. focusing on your pretty, pliant expressions as his cock continuously draws out gentle, broken whines from behind your lips.
but during those few times when his eyes would leave yours, they'd be closed. face buried into the crook of your neck, littering kisses at the base of your throat - light, delicate pecks and suckles. he'd mutter sweet, loving words, sealing the niceties into your skin with kisses, the act itself reassuring his praises.
trailing kisses back up the length of your throat, he'd hover over your jaw, soft groans slipping past his mouth - breath getting caught in his throat by the way you feel wrapped around him. the kisses would continue until they reached back up to your lips, his own shadowing yours, gentle lewd noises muffled between.
everything would be unrushed, the goal of your release a distant thought. your only focus being on how the other feels in this moment.
some of you guys are going to drive every writer off of this app & be stuck with the wattpad authors who come over to post a broad statement sentence and then attach 30 different men to it
Pairing: BestFriend!Boyfriend!Bucky Barnes x BestFriend!Girlfriend Reader
Summary: You and Bucky are best friends since childhood and you have the plan to marry when you’re older. But when you move away he turns into an idiot.
Warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, Bucky being an idiot for a while, but much of fluff
Wordcount: 6.7k (I know it’s so long but please, it’s worth it [at least I hope but it is I guess])
A/N: After you all wanted to read this one I wrote it and you know it with the title “Only love can hurt like this” but I had planned to name this one “When we are older”. The song “Older” by Ben Platt inspired me a bit, so I hope you enjoy that. Divider made by @firefly-graphics.
A/N²: Thank you to @cosmicbucky for encouraging me with that idea and helping me with some ideas for this one, that really means a lot.
Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist
Taglist: @nicoline1998enilocin @sergeantbarnessdoll @bucky-barnes-lover @kandis-mom @felicitylemon @ergle-barnes @sweater-bee @identity2212 @cjand10 @bookishtheaterlover7 @km-ffluv @harleycao (want to be tagged? Here)
10. March 1925
"Happy Birthday, Buck!", you scream and throw your hands around his neck. He immediately wraps his arms around you and presses your little body against his. "Now you're 8 years old,", you say with a proud smile on your lips, and you kiss his cheek gently.
"Come, I will show you my presents," he whispers, and he takes your hand into his little one. He runs, pulling you along with him, with a huge smile on his lips. He is so happy to have you with him. His little doll, his best friend and the one he loves the most.
When you both arrive at the table, you are fascinated by all the presents. "My new stuffed cat. I will call her Alpine. Mommy said, I will get a cat when I get older." He puts his stuffed animal into your arms. It's a little white cat with ocean blue eyes. They immediately remind you of Bucky's eyes. "It looks so sweet, and her eyes are as blue as yours," you say, patting the little head of the stuffed animal.
"And here," he says, climbing on the table to find something else to show you. He hands you a picture. It shows the both of you during the trip a few weeks ago. Bucky stands behind you, and his hands are wrapped around your waist, while you both stand in front of a waterfall. His head turns towards you, and you still know the words he whispered into your ear.
"We are going to marry one day, aren't we? I love you so much, my doll. You're the most wonderful girl in the world, and I will love you forever."
You both giggle when you look at the picture. His one hand wraps around your waist while you lay your head on his shoulder. "You still remember what your answer was?", he smiles, and you nod. How couldn't you?
"You're so sweet, Buck. I will love you forever, too. Can we marry at the beach? Or in the tree house?", you asked, and his answer was "Everything for my doll."
He put the picture back on the table and wanted to do the same with the stuffed animal when he saw you wrapping his arms around him and cuddling. "If you cuddle Alpine more than me, I'm mad,", he says, giggling, before you both walk back to the other guests. All of them are adults, but you both don't mind; you have each other, and that is everything that counts for you.
Bucky and you lay in the tree house, watching the stars and the moon, while most of the guests are home again. His hand is around you, and he presses you tightly against his body. "I wish we were already older; then we could marry,", he whispers, kissing your forehead.
You absolutely love his forehead kisses, and you're the only one doing it. Even when someone told him to kiss another girl, he hit the guy in the face. "You remember the theater when you almost wanted to hit the man's face?", you ask, and Bucky nods, breathing loudly against your skin and making you giggle.
The week before the holidays is always filled with much fun for the students. And this time it is a theater performance. You wait for Bucky before you walk into the room with the other kids and adults.
"Hey, doll,", he says, wrapping his arms around you. He kisses your forehead gently. You walk together into the room and take a seat next to each other. When the lesson starts, you both pay attention to the people explaining what you all have to do. But you and Bucky can't stop looking at each other every now and then. He smiles widely when you meet his gaze, and his eyes brighten whenever he looks at you.
After finding out more about the characters, the plot, and the role for everyone, you start to exercise the performance. You're on the stage right now. You play the fairy, which you really want to play, and walk in the background before you have to go to the prince to tell him what he has to do. Bucky stands in front of the stage, looking as often as he can towards you while he plays his role as the prince.
When you walk towards him, he smiles widely, while the princess sits in front of him, looking into a book. A dwarf has enchanted her, and the prince wants to help her before they are going to marry each other.
You reach them and walk a circle around them. "You don't need to fight against the dwarf; you only need to kiss her. The kiss of true love, my prince.", You say your lines and walk around them both before you go off the stage. He follows you before he turns his head to the princess.
Bucky leans down, but he is a few inches away from the princess. "James, you need to kiss her. Just her cheek or her forehead,", the man says. Bucky turns around and looks at him with half-closed eyes, and his eyes darken. He is angry, and you know that because when someone makes jokes about you, he looks like that too. "I don't want to kiss her,", he says, folding his arms in front of his chest. "We talked about that scene. It's just her cheek or forehead,", the man tries again, but Bucky shakes his head.
He walks off of the stage and towards the man. When he stands in front of him, he doesn't even reach the chest of the theater teacher. With his little fingers, he points up to him and speaks between clenched teeth. "I. Don't. Want. To. Kiss. Her.", he points out every word.
You smile at the scene in front of you. Little Bucky is a big man, but Buck acts like he is bigger and could throw the man down when he wants to do it. "But a prince has to kiss the princess,", the theater teacher says, pointing towards the princess before he looks back at Bucky.
Bucky shrugs and walks towards you. The man looks at the two of you in confusion when Bucky presses his lips on your forehead, making you blush. "I've kissed my princess. And she is the only one I will kiss. I'm not going to kiss a 'would like to be' princess. Only my princess, and she is playing the most wonderful fairy because she is the most wonderful and perfect girl on earth. Understood?", he says, looking with an angry gaze back at the teacher.
He smiles and shakes his head lightly. "Oke", he says, clapping into his hands. "Then you don't have to kiss her. Put your head on her head,", the teacher adds, and Bucky nods proudly of himself before he kisses your forehead again and walks back on the stage to practice the theater performance.
You both lay in the tree house, looking at each other and talking about everything and nothing. Both of you love to just be there; it's like your little home. And you're almost planning your wedding and your future life together.
"No matter what happens later, the one person I take care of, protect, and need in my life is you, my doll,", he says, and you blush, giggling about his words, but you want it too; you want him.
28. June 1933
Bucky stands in front of you. His arms are around your waist, and he presses you against his chest. He is still bigger than you, and over the years, he has gained a lot of muscle. The cute little boy turned into a young, wonderful man, and almost every girl loves him, even some boys.
"You know I still love only you,", he whispers, and his voice breaks a bit. "We are gonna marry one day. It's not that long until we can marry,", he jokes, but you can feel the tears running down his cheeks. You smile sadly when you pull away. Just a bit to look into his eyes.
His eyes are red, but he smiles slightly. He tries to give you some strength. "I love you too, Buck,", you whisper, and you know he will wait for you. Shit job from your parents, so you have to move to the other side of the country. But he is yours, and you're his; you both have said that. His lips meet yours, and you can taste your salty tears while you lay your arms around his neck, pressing him more towards you.
When you have to go into the car, he waves and runs next to it before your parents drive too fast for him. You lean your head back and close your eyes. The tears stream down your cheeks quietly. You know he will wait for you; you know you're the only girl in his life; and you know he wouldn't do the things you both did. But no matter how much you know that, you don't want to move away, even when you know you can come back in a few months, maybe some years.
You pull out the little letter he gave you before you take your seat in the car.
For my doll.
When you unfold the letter, you can see the whole paper covered with blue ink and his handprint, which you love. But you also see some points with smeared ink, and you know he cried when he wrote the letter for you.
Hey, doll.
I hope you will have a good start at the new school there. If not, write to me, and I will come to you as far as I can. Believe me, I wanted to tell you that I will never find the right words. I had a couple of weeks to think about the perfect words.
You smile at his words, knowing he is right. And so both of you could just cuddle and kiss each other. Lying in the tree house again and feeling the things you already felt eight years ago.
Can you imagine that I got Alpine eight years ago? And now we have the real Alpine for a year. I told you about a surprise; I will tell you what it is. When you open your suitcase, you will find something you really love. And I can't get the picture of you with it in your hand out of my head. So I decided you both are perfect for each other until I can hold you in my arms again when I visit you. When you open your suitcase, you will find Alpine there. The stuffed animal, of course, but you have loved her since my eight birthday, so she is yours, like I'm.
You feel the smile on your lips with every word you read, but also the tears. Your mom takes you out of your thoughts and off of the letter for a moment. "We planned a trip, and we could ask Bucky if he wanted to come with us. Actually, we already asked him and his parents, and they said yes,", he says, stroking your knees with his hand. You smile even wider and look at her. "That sounds perfect,", you say before you turn your attention back to the paper.
I love you so much, and I can't wait to hold you in my arms again. A second surprise for you is the chocolate you like the most. I put it in your favorite cup. This is the chocolate we had our first kiss with. Or it was the reason for our first kiss.
You chuckle lightly when you think about the kiss. The first real kiss you both shared was the first time your lips met his, and the feeling of butterflies in your stomach grew.
It was when the two of you were in the tree house, like always. You watched your favorite movie while eating your favorite snacks. When he was looking at you, Bucky pointed to your face. "Was it there?", you asked, giggling, and he sat up. You rolled yourself to the side and looked up at him. "There is someone chocolate,", he whispered, kissing the corner of your mouth. Then he placed his lips on yours. "I think I got you mixed up with the chocolate,", he whispered against your lips, making you laugh softly.
He told you a few minutes later that there was no chocolate, but he wanted to kiss you. He laid on his back again and was looking at you while he told you. You leaned your body over him and kissed him again, while his hands moved to your hips and he pulled you onto his lap.
I love you, my doll; I always have and I always will. I can't imagine a life without you because you are my life. I hope we can see each other in the next holidays; otherwise, I will go crazy.
And I know you will be the most wonderful girl at your new school, and they will love you. I hope it is for them; otherwise, they miss the best person there is on this planet. I believe in you, and I'm so proud of you, doll.
I love you 'til the end of the endless line.
Your absolutely best friend, boyfriend, and one-day husband, Buck.
You have never talked about boyfriend or girlfriend. It was something usual for you two. You love each other, and there is no one else in your lives. So no one of you needed to say that directly or ask for it; you both are perfect for each other, and you know it since you're little kids.
5. September 1933
It's your first day at your new school. During the time you meet a boy, he lives just a few houses away from you, and you both become good friends. He is as old as you, a blonde-haired, muscular boy named Steve Rogers.
The two of you had a lot of time during the holidays, so you spent this time together. He helped you to avoid the pain in your chest, and he helped you to live at least a bit without Bucky by your side whenever it's possible. And Steve made you laugh as often as it was possible.
"Steve, where are we?", You laugh and look around. You're in the middle of a big room, but no one except the two of you is there. "In the classroom. Oke, maybe not, but I thought it's here,", he says and looks around.
You laugh even harder when he starts to scream like a little girl. "What the fuck?", he shouts, and when you look at him, he stands behind a table. "A spider,", he says, scratching the back of his head and blushing. "But it looks like a very big dinosaur or something,", he mumbles, trying to climb over the table again.
You look at him. "A dinosaur, really, Steve? You remind me of Bu-", you interrupt yourself, and your eyes widen. "Sorry, I'- not wanted,", you stutter quietly, but he shakes his head. "It's oke; don't worry. I know you miss him,", he says, and you nod your head, feeling the tears in your eyes, and wipe them away with one hand.
You feel his arms around you, and he holds you until you calm down a bit. "Can we go to our class now? I think this isn't the right room,", he whispers, and you chuckle lightly. Then he takes your hand and pulls you along with him out of the room and into the next room.
"Mrs. Y/L/N and Mr. Rogers,", the teacher says, pointing to the seats in front of him. You already don't like the place, but when you complain, the teacher will hate you. So you just walk to the table and take a seat, looking up at your teacher. He nods and continues with his lesson.
While you work on the tasks, your teacher walks around, and he often stands next to you. Steve sits next to you, and whenever the teacher isn't next to you, he makes jokes, and you almost burst out laughing whenever he says something.
"Steve, this is way too funny,", you say and giggle lightly. "Is it?", The voice of your teacher appears behind you, and you feel the cold shiver along your spine. "Sorry,", you mumble, but it doesn't help much to get less homework.
The lesson feels like two hours when you finally hear the bell and you almost run out of the room. You have a short break right now, and you want to use it to write a letter for Bucky. You told him you would send some his way, like you two did during the holidays.
When you reach a bench, you sit down and search for paper and a pen. You don’t need to think too long about things you write; you always have something to tell him, even if it’s only ‘I miss you’ or ‘I love you’.
Hey Buck.
Like I said last week, school started today, and it’s not too bad. I and Steve were late because we were in the wrong room, but it was oke. He made a lot of jokes in the lesson, and the teacher saw it.
But no matter how funny he is, he isn't like you. I really miss you, and I hope we can meet during the holidays. And in a few years, we can finally marry. I wish we were already a bit older.
How are you, and how is the school? Still as boring as always?
I love you, Buck.
Y/N.
You write, and when you finish it, you smile and put it all back in your back. With a look at the clock, you see the next lesson starts in a few minutes, so you walk back to go to your math class.
"Y/N!" Steve shouts and smiles at you when you walk closer. “Let’s go to math class, oke? And what do you think about a movie night?” he asks, and you nod immediately. “Sounds perfect,” you say, and the two of you make your way to the next classroom.
10. July 1935
You haven’t seen Bucky for eight months now, and he doesn’t write you letters anymore. You miss him so much, and it gets worse every day. Not even Steve can help you, so he made the best plan for the holidays, and when he stands in front of your door and shows you tickets, you smile lightly.
“We are going to meet him,” he says, and you look confused. “In the cinema?” you ask, and Steve chuckles. Then he shakes his head and hands you the tickets. You look at them, and when you realize this, your mood immediately changes to happiness.
Those are two tickets for the train, and when you read the place you are going, you can’t stop smiling. “We are going to meet Buck?” you ask to make sure you haven’t read something wrong. Steve nods at you, and then he points to the date. 10. July; 10.25 a.m.
"Steve, that’s in one hour,” you say, and you turn around to look for everything you need. He looks at you with amusement but also with adoration in his eyes. He takes a seat on your bed while you put everything in your bag.
When you suddenly turn around, you face Steve. “You’re the best,” you whisper, and you wrap your arms around his neck. “I know,” he chuckles, and he kisses your cheek gently. “But now let’s go,” he says, standing up to walk out of your room. You follow him.
The drive to Bucky takes a while, but with Steve, it isn’t boring. The two of you play some games and talk about everything and nothing. Even when you have already told him a lot about you and Bucky, you can always find other things for him to tell Steve. And he listens even when you talk for hours about it, and sometimes he asks you things so he can listen to more of your stories.
“He doesn’t have holidays yet, so we can go to school and meet him there,” you say while you wait to finally arrive at your home. Even when you live in another place now, your old home is still your home because of Bucky.
The next station is the one the two of you need to get out of the train. So you put your things into your bag and put on your jacket before you walk to the door with Steve. A big smile forms on your lips when the train slowly stops, and you would jump up and down when you could, but there are a lot of people, and you don’t want to embarrass yourself or Steve.
“Do you smell that wonderful air?” You ask when the door opens, and you take a deep breath. Steve chuckles, but nods then. “It’s nice here. So where is the school?” He asks immediately and looks at you.
He loves to see that huge smile, your lips, and the way your eyes brighten when you think about Bucky. Steve knows that Bucky means a lot to you, so he feels your joy inside of him as well. And he knows you to see that you’re so excited about the trip like he is. Steve can finally meet Bucky, the boy you always talk about and who seems like a really nice guy and lovely boyfriend.
You make your way through the streets to the school. With every step, you feel the excitement inside of you growing, and when you see the big building, you want to run there.
“There we are, almost, this building there,” you say, and you smile wide when you point to the school. The two of you walk next to each other along the street. With every step, you see more of the building and the schoolyard.
“When you walk around the corner and then along the street, you reach my old house,” you say, pointing to a corner. Steve follows your finger and looks interested. “It looks beautiful here, even better than in your stories,” he laughs, and you do as well. “Thank you for coming here with me,” you mumble before the two of you walk over the schoolyard.
“No problem. I prefer to see that beautiful smile of yours,” he chuckles, and you look up at him before you take his hand and pull him with you until you reach the entrance of the school.
There are already a few students, and when you look around, you see your favorite brown-haired boy. “Steve, Steve, there he is,” you mumble excitedly and walk closer to Bucky, who stands next to a tree and a little bench. When you walk closer, you see a girl standing in front of him, and she laughs about something.
“Buck,” you say, and he immediately turns around. He nods towards you and looks up and down at you before he looks at Steve. Bucky looks like a young man now; he has muscles, a slight beard, and his short brown hair is messy, but his steel blue eyes are still the same, as are his looks as well.
He turns his head back to the girl, excuses himself, and then comes closer to you and Steve. “What are you doing here?” He asks and nods to Steve. “I wanted to see you. I wrote a few letters, and now Steve said, we come here." You mumble and look up at Bucky.
The brown-haired boy nods and opens his mouth, but before he can say anything, another girl comes closer. “James, it was wonderful yesterday. Do you think we can do it again?” She asks, and you feel a cold shiver along your spine.
“But not today,” he says, and the girl smirks at him before she walks back to her friends. “Sorry,” he mumbles and looks back at you. You feel like you don’t know Bucky anymore. He looks so different, and his gaze and voice are so cold that you shiver whenever you look at him.
“How are you?” You ask, not knowing what else you could ask. "Good, and you? It looks like you found someone,” he says, looking at Steve, who stands next to you. “He is my best friend, but we are not together,” you say, and there is just a nod from Bucky.
“James, babe,” the girl he excused himself calls him. He looks annoyed and turns around. “Even when I fuck you, I told you not to call me ‘babe’ and I’m busy right now,” he groans, and you gasp quietly. The girl mumbles something, but Bucky just shakes his head and looks at you again.
“Sorry,” he says, and you feel the tears in your eyes. "Do you sleep with her?” You ask, and he chuckles darkly before he shakes his head. “I don’t sleep with her; I fuck them. Those girls beg for me; they are on their knees to spend a night with me. And I can do whatever I want with them; they are like fucktoys,” he explains, and you feel a tear rolling down your cheek. “What happened?” You whisper, and he looks confused before he shrugs.
“Buc-“ he interrupts you. “James,” he corrects, and you feel like you're in front of another person right now. The sweet boy who wanted to make you smile, loved you when you laughed, and wanted to marry you isn’t in front of you right now, and you don’t know why he is the way he is right now.
“I have my next class now, and after that, I go to a party with some girls to fuck them, so I need to go to my class now. It was nice to see you. If you want to get fucked too, you can just ask, but I’m sure he is also really good," he says, looking at you before he looks at Steve. “Have you fucked her, or are you the one making love?” He laughs sarcastically and waits for Steve's answer. “I don’t fuck her, and I haven’t slept with her. She loves you so much that she says no to everyone who just wants to dance with her, except me,” Steve says, placing an arm around your shoulder while you feel even more tears streaming down your cheeks.
When Steve says that you love Bucky, there is a moment where he looks like a lost puppy, a broken boy, but it immediately changes into a cold gaze, so you're not really sure if you saw it right. With a nod, he walks to the entrance of the school.
“Now we are older, and I wish we were younger,” you mumble and hide your face in Steve’s hoodie. He holds you tight against him and rubs your back with his hand, trying to calm you down while he mumbles sweet words into your ear.
“It’s oke. I have you, and he is hurt; he can’t see that he is doing this to you too,” he whispers, and you look up at Steve. Your eyes are red, and your cheeks are wet while you look up at him. “What do you mean? He fucks with all of those girls here,” you mumble, and you feel the tears burning in your eyes again. Steve uses his thumb to wipe them away and looks at you with a small smile.
Before he answers, he lifts you up, you let him carry you to the bench, and he sits down with you on his lap. “Have you seen that gaze when I told him you love him?” Steve asks, and you nod. “He misses you, and he is hurt. Maybe you should talk to him,” Steve explains, and you shake your head. “Noo,” you whisper and lean your body against Steve’s, your head resting on his shoulder.
“It wasn’t an offer; you will talk to him or I will,” he demands. “I don’t want to”, you mumble against his neck, and you close your eyes to get some sleep. Steve rubs your back slowly and helps you to sleep while he looks to the door, waiting until Bucky can go home.
It’s not too long until the door opens and the first people run out of the building. When Steve finds the brown-haired boy, he looks at him until he recognizes him and walks towards the two of you. You're half asleep when Bucky stands in front of you and looks at Steve. “What are you still doing here?” He asks and then looks at you with a loving gaze for a moment.
“I know you have a party you want to go to and fuck all those girls, but I want you to know that there is one girl who really loves you and she waits for you. When she saw you with those girls today, something broke inside of her, and I know you’re hurt. I don’t know why, but I don’t want you to hurt her. There was no one other than you she was talking about, and whenever someone asked her to go out, she said no,” Steve says, looking at Bucky with a serious look. “When you’re hurt, then tell her. But don’t act like you don’t love her. I can see that you have that look when you look at her; it’s only then. So warm and loving,” the blond-haired boy says, and Bucky swallows hard.
"Maybe, but I have something to do today,” Bucky says, wanting to turn around, but Steve stops him. “When you go to the party without talking to her, I will tell her that there is nothing about you that she always told me about. And that it’s not worth it to wait for someone like you; there are a lot of boys who would treat her better than you do right now,” your best friend says and strokes your back. You mumble something in your sleep while Bucky looks at you. Then he nods. "Let's go to my house,” he says, and Steve stands up with you. Bucky swallows hard when he realizes Steve’s words, and when he sees you, his gaze softens.
“Want to carry her? Otherwise, I would do it,” Bucky offers. “It’s oke, but her bag,” Steve answers and points with his head to your bag. Bucky smiles lightly when he sees the bag. You have had that one since the two of you were little kids. Then he throws it over his shoulder and walks next to Steve.
They don’t talk, but Bucky looks almost every second at you, making sure Steve holds you and because he just wants to see you. “Stevie?” You mumble, and Bucky's heart races when he hears your sleepy voice. He adores the one, at least as much as your voice in general. He missed hearing you talk, but he wouldn’t admit it; otherwise, he would feel the same as he did when you moved away.
“I have you, princess,” he mumbles, but Bucky hears it. And he wants to hit Steve right in the face when he calls you ‘princess’ but he knows he has no right to do it. “Are we at home?” You ask, but Steve shakes his head. “No, James is here, and we go to his house now,” he tells you, and you nod while you feel the tears again.
You let your best friend carry you to your second home, or it was your second home when you and Bucky were kids, but now you’re not sure about it anymore. “My mom is home,” Bucky says, and you feel a warmth running through his body when you hear his suddenly soft voice.
When he opens the door, the three of you walk inside, and Steve lets you down. “You can go into the living room; I just need to call someone that I have no time for parties right now,” he explains, and you nod while you walk into the living room. Steve follows you. You still know everything in that house, and it feels like nothing has changed except for a scratching tree in the corner of the room and a white fur ball lying on the couch.
“Alpine,” you say softly, and the little white cat lifts her head to look at you. She has steel blue eyes, the same as Bucky's, and she looks exactly like the cat Bucky got on his birthday when he turned eight.
With a few steps, you reach the couch and hold your hand in front of the cat. Alpine sniffs at your hand before she leans against it and lets you scratch her ear. "You are such a sweet little fur ball,” you coo. You turn your head to Steve and point with your head next to you on the couch.
“You can sit here. What did you say that he is so nice now?” You ask, and Steve chuckles lightly. "I told him the truth about your feelings, but I also told him that there are a lot of boys who would treat you like the princess you are,” he explains, and you smile at him.
When you hear footsteps behind you, you turn around and see the face of Bucky’s mother looking at you. “Y/n, I haven’t seen you in a while. You’re such a big and beautiful young lady now,” she says with a huge smile on her lips, and you nod before you stand up and almost run into her arms for a much-needed hug. “I missed you so much,” you whisper, and she agrees before she lets go and looks at you again. “I was sure you would be a gorgeous young lady, and you are,” she whispers and then looks at Steve.
“Hello, I’m Steve,” he greets the woman, and she nods before she walks closer to him and hugs him as well. “James is in his room?” She asks. “He wanted to call someone because of a party." You shrug and sit down next to Steve. Bucky’s mother takes a seat on the armchair across from you.
“I’m so glad you’re here, that the two of you are here. When you moved away, Bucky wasn’t the same anymore. In the first time, he tried to be as much as he was, but with every day, he turned more into an idiot. I haven’t seen him crying like that when you moved away, and I guess he changed into the one he is to avoid his feelings,” his mom says and sighs quietly. “I try to talk to him; I miss my little Buck, the one who wanted to marry me when we were young, and we didn't want to wait any longer there,” you chuckle. Steve listens to you and smiles lightly when he sees your chuckle.
Just a few moments later, the brown-haired boy walks downstairs again and comes into the living room. He doesn’t say anything when he takes a seat next to you, so you sit between your two favorite boys. He clears his throat, but then he is quiet again.
“Steve, I’m sure you heard a lot of stories about them; do you want to see the pictures of them? There are some really funny ones; I’m sure you will like them,” Bucky’s mother says and stands up. Steve nods with a wide and mischievous smile. “Love ya, princess,” he whispers into your ear. “Love ya too,” you say before he follows the woman out of the room.
Then you’re alone with Bucky, his jaw clenching, and he rubs his sweating hands in his pants. You look at him and see how nervous he is; he isn’t looking at you. “Buck, listen, oke,” you start, but before you can continue, you see tears streaming down his cheeks, and you interrupt yourself.
Suddenly, he stands up before kneeling in front of you, his hands on your thighs as well as his head. You place one of your hands on top of his head and run your fingers through his soft, brown hair. “I’m sorry, I love you,” he whispers against the fabric of your pants. You scratch his head softly and wait until he looks up at you.
After a moment, he lifts his head, and your eyes meet. His tears are wet, and his eyes are red when you wipe his tears away. He breathes deeply and then opens his mouth to say something, but before he can, you can see the tears streaming down his cheeks again. “It’s ok,” you mumble, and you glide your fingers through his hair.
“I’m sorry; I didn’t want to hurt you, never. I love you so much, but when you moved away-“ he starts, sobbing before he continues to speak. “Everything was so empty, and no matter where I was, we were there together. I missed you so much that I wasn't able to leave my room for weeks. And even so, there is everything that reminds me of you. I’m sorry for being an idiot; I wanted to think about aging nothing for a few minutes, but I haven’t thought about you then,” he whispers between even more sobs. He let his head fall down on your thighs again. “You really were an idiot,” you chuckle, and you capture Bucky’s face with your hands so he needs to look at you.
“But you’re my idiot,” you mumble before you lean forward and kiss him softly. You're not sure if it’s what he wants, but as soon as your lips meet, he wraps his arms around your waist and presses you closer. You feel the love and happiness, as well as the butterflies in your stomach, when his lips meet yours and his adorable blue eyes look lovely into yours. “Do you still want to marry me? We can do it; now we are older and can marry,” he whispers against your lips, and you nod. “I definitely want to, Buck,” you mumble. He smiles at you when you continue talking. “But no other girls anymore, and don’t be jealous about Stevie; he is nice,” you say, laughing, and Bucky nods with a smile before he kisses your forehead.
“No other girls and not jealous of Steve,” he chuckles, and it’s like his mother and your best friend heard you because they walk back into the room and see the two of you smiling at each other.
“Do you want some cake as well?” The woman asks, and you immediately look up at her with a wide smile. “What kind of cake?” You ask, and Bucky laughs when he sees your eyes brighten. “Your favorite,” Bucky whispers into your ear, and you push him back to jump to the kitchen.
"Cake, I’m coming,” you say, and the three others look at you while they burst out laughing before they follow you. When you reach the kitchen, you see the big cake on the table, but before you are there to steal it, you feel two strong arms around your waist and pressing against a body. “Do you like Alpine? She looks like my stuffed animal; do you still know it?” He asks, and you nod while you try to reach the table with the cake.
“Do you want me to bring you the cake?” Steve asks with a laugh, and you look at him with your best puppy eyes. "Yes, please,” you say, and he takes the cake but walks away from you, and you hear the two boys laughing. “You’re mean,” you mumble. Bucky kisses your neck, and you feel goosebumps all over your body.
“You’re the most wonderful girl, and I love you, my doll,” Bucky whispers into your ear, and you smile widely. “I love you too, Buck, but now give me some cake,” you say, smiling, and he shakes his head, looking at you with adoration and love in his eyes while Steve comes back with cake and places it back on the table.
