Warning: Mostly angst, but hey there’s slight fluff at the end. Cursing, embarrassment, yadda yadda.
Pairing: Shawn Mendes x Reader
Summary: While on tour one day, Shawn sees a woman watching the sunrise by herself. Thinking that he’ll never see her again, he tries to forget as he goes on with the rest of his day. But, serendipity seems to have other ideas…
Notes: Yo, this is hella late. But, like I’ve been so busy adjusting to college and I’ve already had a minor emotional breakdown this week! But, I persevered (for now)! But, this is hella long and I actually maybe like it? ONLY ONE CHAPTER LEFT AFTER THIS FOR THE SERIES. PLEASE REBLOG OR COMMENT if you like it! I always welcome messages and asks about my work! Enjoy!
You know, I wasn't all that sure at first about Nick letting me use him as a distraction. It felt wrong...like, really wrong because I didn't know where it was gonna go or if I was ever gonna get over Shawn. And Nick is the sweetest guy I've ever met. So that made it feel triply wrong. But, he insisted and I'll admit that it didn't take me much convincing.
I mean, how often do incredibly sweet, funny, smart, and attractive guys give you permission to use them as a distraction? And without expecting it to become more than that once you've healed up some. Not a lot, that's how many.
It's true, he didn't push me to make it a real relationship. He lets me set the pace and respects my decisions. When you're with a guy that amazing...it's hard to set boundaries for yourself on whether or not you're really ready to start a new relationship. Which is why I didn't mean to elevate us to a couple...it just happened.
I can't say that I mind because I love being with him. It was easy to become close to him and forget about Shawn. But, people finding out about us was kind of my fault. I've been so out of my shell lately and more confident that I don't really keep all my secrets that guarded. If someone wants to know something, I'll happily tell them if I feel like it.
So while we were in New Zealand, I had been asked to go on the radio show The Edge NZ and I asked if Nick could come along. At the beginning, it was more about the documentary and when it'd be coming out and what everyone could expect. Stuff like that. Then, they wanted to play a question game that I, unfortunately, agreed to.
It was a game they invented for Shawn a few years ago called Please, Have Mercy on Me. In his version, they attached electric clamps to a shirtless guy and every time Shawn refused to answer a question, the guy got shocked. Well, I just felt really bad about getting someone else shocked so I insisted that the clamps go on my index fingers. I'm not scared of a little electricity.
The questions are a mixed bag of random facts about me that people want to know and more personal and intimate questions that they thought I would be reluctant to answer. I was in such a carefree mood that I slipped up toward the middle of the interview.
"Alright! We'll start out with an easy one...what is your worst habit?"
I clear my throat and lean closer to the microphone. "Ummm...I pick and scratch a lot."
"What do you mean by that?" He inquires.
I shrug. "Like...I pick at acne a lot, which is why I have scars. And my legs itch a lot after hair removal so sometimes I'll literally scratch until I break skin...it's really bad," I chuckle.
"Sounds like it! Onto the next one...how old were you when you lost your v-plates?" He questions.
"Oh, man. Straight for the dirty details," I laugh. "Okay. Um...seventeen," I admit.
He chuckles, "Late bloomer are ya?"
"Just really picky. Should've been pickier, to be honest," I confess.
He ponders my answer before moving on. "That seems like a good segway into...what is the number of sexual partners you've had?"
His eyebrows shoot up. "Just three? You're twenty-two, correct?" I nod and remember that it's a radio show so I say yes. "You've only been with three people. Wow, that's just hard to believe," he rambles.
"Why's that?" I quirk my eyebrows at the comment.
He shrugs. "Nothing, it's just that there are people younger than you who probably have a really high number and don't answer the question," he informs me.
I nod my head slowly. "People with high numbers at young ages are usually serial hook uppers. Not that I'm judging...I'm just saying that my number is low because despite what some people say," I take a deep breath, "I am serious about that part of my life."
"Roger that," he says clearly uncomfortable at my icy statement. I look at Nick who is trying to contain his amusement at me snapping on the guy. I shoot him a playful glare as the guy continues. "I gotta say, this game isn't very interesting if you don't get shocked."
I shrug as a confident smile comes to my lips. "I'm an open book," I challenge.
"Maybe this one will get you...who is the rudest celebrity you've ever met?" He leans forward in anticipation.
I relax further into my chair as I look at Nick. "I dunno...that one over there could definitely use some manners," I giggle. He chuckles at my antics. "But, in all seriousness...I've only met like a handful of celebs and no one's really been rude to me, per se. If I had to pick someone that was the least nice, I would probably pick Camila Cabello."
"Ooo, juicy. Do tell why," he insists.
I roll my eyes. "There's not much I can say. I met her once for like three seconds and she barely acknowledged my existence," I inform him. "She was a little preoccupied so I can't blame her."
"I think you're the first person to answer that question."
"I'm not looking for drama but I'm not backing out and getting shocked by a fetish toy," I laugh.
He nods appreciatively. "Fair enough. This one might get you shocked," he giggles excitedly. "What's the oldest lover you've had?"
"Twenty...four?" I say with a look of concentration as I do the math. "No! Babe, you turned twenty-five in March right? Yeah? Okay, twenty-five. Final answer," I chuckle.
The room falls silent as everyone has surprised and amused looks on their faces. "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"
"Twenty-five...why?" I ask as I look at Nick, genuinely not knowing what everyone was gawking at. But when I see a look of nervousness on his face it hits me.
"You just asked Nick to confirm his age...which means you've hooked up with him recently!" He laughs and my face turns red.
I swallow and lean closer to the mic again. "Next question, please," I say lowly before bursting into laughter.
"I think we all know the answer to this next one...who was the last celebrity you kissed?" He smirks.
Too late to go back now. "Obviously that snack sitting over there," I chuckle.
"Alright and last question coming up...what celeb would you love to hook up with?"
I scoff. "Easy one...Ni-"
"Ah! Besides your boyfriend over there," he challenges.
My eyes flick from the interviewer to Nick. They both look genuinely curious. I swallow the lump in my throat as I take a deep breath and release it. "I'm gonna have to plead the fifth on that one...so go on and shock me," I say as I close my eyes and wait for the pain.
It actually didn't hurt that bad because it was the first one I didn't answer. So the voltage was on low and it felt more like a tiny little zap. Anyway, news of my interview slip up spread like wildfire throughout both of our fanbases and I didn't mind at all.
There's no reason to be ashamed of the fact that we're together in whatever way. We're both adults and we can do as we please. When we all got back to the states, it was really interesting. Like, I was surprised by the fact that people were actually not prying that much into our relationship or the nature of it.
I have to say we did have one weird experience while we were in Seattle, Nick's hometown. On a day off from Hailee's shows, he took me to the Space Needle since I'd never been. While we were waiting in line, a fan literally started yelling across the distance something about 'mom and dad'. I turned to Nick with a bewildered look and we both couldn't contain our laughter. Fans are super weird, but also super awesome.
August came quicker than I expected. It's hard to keep track of time when I'm so busy with work. But, also because I'm enjoying all my time with Nick. Sometime in April, he had gotten an offer for an amazing movie role. They shot some of the scenes before he left with us on tour, but he has to go back at the end of August to finish it.
At the end of July, I was contacted about doing another interview. This time, it was for The Late Late Show. And I have to say I'm pretty freaking excited about it. James is hilarious and I wouldn't want to do my American interview debut with anyone else. I was supposed to go in on some day during the first week or so of August. I'm not really keeping track of specific dates.
So, I get there sometime in the morning to shoot the interview. Which I was really shocked for some reason to find out that it wasn't actually filmed at night. Like, I just could not wrap my head around it. I arrived in a car with Nick and Hailee. As I got out, I moved to kiss Nick goodbye.
"I guess I'll see you later," I grin at him.
He quirks an eyebrow at me. "Um, no. We're staying," he chuckles. "Didn't anyone tell you that I'm the second guest and Hailee is performing?"
"I guess not...this is even more exciting then!" I squeal as they get out of the car and I walk hand in hand with Nick to the lot.
Once we checked in, they separated us all to get our hair and makeup done. The nice people did my makeup simply and put beach waves in my hair. We got to wear our own outfits so Nick wore something chill like he always does. Basic jeans rolled up at the bottom to show off his boots and a plain tee under an unbuttoned shirt with the sleeves rolled up. There's something sexy about how down to earth he is.
I'm kind of the same as him in that way. I like dressing up when the occasion calls for it, but most of the time I just want to be comfortable. So I wore light blue, high-waisted ankle skinny jeans and some simple black and white sneakers. I also chose a loose, white, and hardly see-through tank top that barely outlined my black push-up bra. My shirt has a cool watercolor painting of a mom and baby gorilla and the front is tucked into my jeans.
I wasn't told about anything special happening besides an interview and maybe participating in one of his games. But, I was still on edge because James is notorious for bringing up embarrassing things.
They've already put us all in our own dressing rooms which is driving up my anxiety. Nick is to be announced first in the Orange Room, then me in the Blue, and lastly, Hailee in the Red as the musical guest. I'm pacing around, unable to relax when I get a text.
Nick: Quite pacing! You're gonna make a rut in the floor lol
Me: How do you know I'm pacing?
Nick: Because you're you😜
Me: Ugh, you're annoying...
This is taking too long. I open my door and check the hallway to see if it's clear. When I find that it is, I sneakily run down the hallway and lightly knock on his dressing room door. He opens it, full celebrity smile on and then sees me.
"Y/n, I didn't know you got a job with The Late Late Show," he teases.
I roll my eyes at him. "Har, har," I mock him before quickly looking around. "Are you gonna let me in or not?"
He squints at the ceiling in concentration as if he's thinking really hard about it. I scoff, turning around to leave when he grabs my hand and pulls me inside. Once the door is closed, his hands find a home just below my ears as he leans down for a lingering kiss.
All of my jitters melted away right into that kiss as my hands grab fistfuls of his shirt and he backs me up into the door. It amazes me how he can always make a kiss feel both electric and soothing at the same time. One of his hands finds the small of my back and applies pressure.
I hum into the kiss as we make our way further into the dressing room and fall onto the couch. My hands pull him back to me by the nape of his neck before gripping the roots of his hair. His hands wander under my shirt and his fingers make my skin burn everywhere they graze. We both completely forget about everything else but each other.
Until a knock sounds at the door.
We break apart and look at the door. The knock happens again, this time louder. Shit. We both look back at each other and burst into laughter as he gets up quickly and we move to the door. I stand behind it as he cracks it open, a shy and mischievous smile on his face.
"Nick! What's up, buddy? Took a minute to answer...we thought you might've been kidnapped," James jokes from his place on stage.
I hear Nick laugh nervously. I can't help but mess with him as I quietly lean up and place a kiss on the fingers that are on this side of the door. He wiggles them before moving them higher on the door where I can't reach.
"Uh," he chuckles, "yeah, sorry about that I was just doing some relaxation techniques to get rid of some nerves."
There's a pause and a little laughter from the crowd so I can assume that James is making a funny face. "Relaxation techniques, huh? Is that what they're calling it these days?"
"What, uh...what do you mean?" He asks, clearly guilty.
"You've got a bit of lipgloss smudged on your lip, mate," James points out.
I don't have to see his face to know that he's gone beet red. Biting my lip to contain my laughter, I let my head fall forward and it bumps the door. I lift it back up quickly, my laughter just barely being contained.
Nick clears his throat. "Oh, really? Man must've gotten messed up when I was eating that sandwich a minute ago. I'll have to go redo it now...see ya later," he laughs as he slowly closes the door.
As soon as the door is closed, I take the opportunity of James introducing me to open the door and run down the hallway at full speed. Just as I can hear him finishing up my intro, I can see the assistant about to knock on my door. I skid to a stop right in front of her and rush inside.
Not a second later, there's a knock. I open it up and rest against the doorframe nonchalantly. Although, I'm panting like crazy from the sprint. "Oh...hey James! How's it goin'?" I begin the little rehearsed spiel, but James has other ideas.
"Y/n! You, uh...you seem a little out of breath there," he snickers.
I clear my throat and take a final deep breath to subdue the panting. "Nah, I'm good. Just doing some jumping jacks to work out my extra energy," I explain falsely.
He eyes me suspiciously. "Y/n, you are aware that we all just saw you run into your room before we knocked? Yes?"
"Oh, um," my eyes widen and then I scoff playfully. "You caught me! I had to go to the bathroom since my dressing room doesn't have one...I'm a little offended, James."
He doesn't take my bait to change the subject. "You've got a little..." James says as he touches his upper lip with his finger. I brush my thumb over where he's indicating and feel the smudged lip gloss. "Anything you want to tell us?" He raises an eyebrow comically.
I make an over-exaggerated thinking face before looking back at the camera innocently. "Not that I can think of...I really should do some of those jumping jacks though! I'll see you out there," I wave as I close the door slowly while he tries to continue talking.
A short time later we come out to the stage for the game that we're supposed to be participating in. "Alright, ladies and gentleman! Tonight's game was a bit of a challenge to figure out because we seem to have a diva among us," James teases as he unsubtly nods his head to me.
I mock being offended as Nick chuckles beside me. "I'm sorry that you have such a limited selection, James," I joke back. Nick 'ooo's' beside me and it's James' turn to mock being offended.
"Well, we can't do a riff-off..."
"Because neither I nor Nick are singers," I point out.
"And we can't do Nuzzle Whaaa?..."
"Because I know you're gonna make me stick my face into something that I'm scared of! The last one I watched had snakes!! Nuhhuh," I shake my head as a shiver runs through me at the thought.
He chuckles and continues, "So that leaves...Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts!"
"I have a really weak stomach, but it's a good thing I'm honest," I laugh.
"But there's a twist! We're doing a couples' edition just for the two of you," he announces.
My mouth falls open in shock and amusement. "Ohh," I chuckle. "I can't wait to hear the rules," I say sarcastically.
The crowd roars and we go sit around the table.
Ever since Shawn saw the photos of y/n and Nick together, he's been a moping mess. He's been obsessively following everything he can about her for the past few weeks. And to make matters worse it's his 22nd birthday, which he thought he was going to be able to spend with her.
So, when Shawn read the tweet about her and Nick and Hailee all being on The Late Late Show...of course he stayed up to watch it. James started out by introducing them as this summer's hottest trio and then singularly introduced them. Shawn knew it wouldn't be easy to watch them even be next to each other. But to have them be so blatant about their relationship threw him off.
She was obviously in his dressing room and they were doing god only knows what before the introduction. What makes Shawn's teeth grit and his skin hot is that she doesn't seem to even be remotely hurting anymore. How could that be? She told him that he was only the second serious relationship she'd been in and yet he was the one devastated.
They dated for six months, they were intimate, and the second Shawn fucks up...she jumps into bed with Nick. He just can't fathom it. As he continued watching the show, they got to the game segment of Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts. But, it's a couples' edition so the rules are a little different.
As they settled into their seats and took in the items in front of them, James explained the rules. "So, how it works is I'll ask each of you a question about the other and if you can't answer it you have to eat what I've chosen...you'll get to ask me questions about my wife and my family in return..."
"Sounds easy enough," she speaks enthusiastically as she shimmies her shoulders excitedly. She looks at Nick adoringly and he returns it. Shawn's stomach twists in its place.
James interrupts their loving gazes. "But! All of the foods have an aphrodisiac spin...and if either of you doesn't want the other to answer...you can eat the food for them! But you only get to save them once."
Both of their faces contort in a strange mix of disgust and intrigue as they chuckle. With one final look at each other, they turn back to James. "Bring it on, man," Nick challenges.
The questions start out sort of easy, but both y/n and Nick are determined to beat James at his own game so they're being pretty honest. "Guys! This game is no fun if you don't eat something gross!" James whines.
"Well," she quirks an eyebrow up sassily. "I guess you'll have to ask harder questions.
James nods approvingly. "Well, alright then..."
He spins the table, trying to choose what to give Nick to eat. He positions the oyster juice in front of him and he scrunches his nose as the smell hits him. Shawn smirks to himself. He hopes he has to drink it.
"So, Nick...out of these animals, which is y/n not afraid of: crickets, turtles, frogs, or spiders?" James asks.
Nick starts laughing nervously. And y/n looks down at her lap as she laughs uncontrollably. Her animal fears are the strangest ones Shawn has ever heard of, but he knows the correct answer. James notices her wheezing in laughter and he begins to do it as well.
"Uh..." Nick says, "I'm gonna have to go with turtles. Who's afraid of turtles right?" He asks jokingly as he looks at James. She slowly raises her hand and James points to her. "Really?" He shakes his head as he picks up the cup and takes a disgusting sip. He shakes his head at the taste as he sets it back down. "Please get her back for that."
She giggles as James turns the table to have the strawberry and salmon ice cream in front of her. Her smile fades and she visibly gags. "Oh! This is gonna be worse than Charlie's reaction if I have to eat that!"
"This one might get you in some hot water if you answer...how many of Nick's movies have you actually seen?" He giggles maniacally.
She blinks for a moment before answering. "I believe I've seen five," she admits. James' face goes still.
"I can't believe you answered that," he says in awe.
She shrugs. "If you think that's gonna get me in some hot water then I'd hate to hear what you think will start a fight," she chuckles.
The game continues and she still hasn't eaten anything. Nick and James have had their fair share. All Shawn can think about is how he wouldn't have to eat anything because he knows everything about her. "Nick, I think it's time to get her don't you think?"
"Yeah, I agree," he nods with a silly smile. Together they agree to set the honey covered crickets in front of her.
She frowns in distaste. "Ugh, two things I hate."
"You what?? You hate honey?" She nods at the same time Shawn does from his living room. "You are weird! This next one will get you, I know it will...is Nick the first celebrity you've hooked up with?"
She takes a deep breath. Looking between the crickets and Nick. Although, Nick already knows the answer. It's a matter of whether or not she wants the world to know. She shakes her head at the crickets and opens her mouth to answer. Shawn and James are on the edge of their seats.
She's interrupted by Nick reaching over and grabbing a cricket and throwing it in his mouth. He grimaces as he chews. "Nick! What the hell was that?? We were finally gonna get her!" James exclaims.
"Actually," he says as he swallows, "she was gonna answer and I don't think she should have to. So now I can say that I've eaten a cricket covered in honey!"
James frowns. "I have one last question for her...and you just used your only save. She'll have to eat or tell the truth," he rubs his hands together excitedly.
"Go for it..." she says nervously.
He has the evilest smirk on his face and she knows he has a question that will get her. James turns the chocolate covered chili peppers in front of her. She frowns as she lets out a little whimper.
"So, y/n...back at the Grammy awards over a year and a half ago when you attended with Shawn, he kissed you when he won his category..."
Her eyes widen and her nervous demeanor turns into uneasiness for a whole different reason. "Oh, god," she mumbles before covering her face, clearly knowing where this is going. Shawn almost chokes on his water at the mention of his name.
"...who...between Shawn and Nick is the better kisser?" He finishes and throws the card in the air in triumph. She's still as a rock as she contemplates her choice. In her mind, they're so different but are equally good. That might be a little lie...
She swallows hard. "Am I allowed to say neither?" She asks shyly.
"Depends on your reasoning..."
She picks at her nails in her lap as she avoids everyone's eyes. Nick's, James', the audience, hell even the camera. "Um...because I feel like they were the same on the level of good, even though they're so different..." she says quietly.
"That's bulls**t. I don't believe it one bit...one of them has to be just a smidge higher than the other," James challenges, an amused smirk on his face.
She clenches her jaw, clearly not happy about the question. Steeling herself, she quickly reaches up and takes a bite of the pepper and chews quickly. The crowd bursts into chaos as she chews and James is losing his shit.
"Oh my god!!! YOU ATE THE F*****G PEPPER!!" He wheezes in between laughs. When she swallows, she chugs her milk with a pained expression. Nick claps beside her, clearly not phased by her not wanting to answer. He knows deep down that she's still not over Shawn, and he's okay with that. He can't blame her for not moving on quickly from her first real love.
The segment cuts out for a commercial. Shawn leans back in his seat. So, Nick knows about them. He didn't think y/n was the type to disclose that if it wasn't important. As Shawn thinks about that, the show comes back on and they come down the stairs to the couch.
Nick sits closest to James and y/n sits on his left where his arm is slung around her. His thumb is lightly tracing patterns on her exposed shoulder. First, they talk about the new movie Nick is working on and then they throw in some questions about Hailee's documentary.
Of course, the questions shift back to their relationship. "So...when did the two of you actually first meet?"
"It was at a, uh...a birthday party," Nick answers and y/n nods with a smile.
James furrows his eyebrows. "Might I ask, whose birthday party?" Shawn has a feeling that James already knew the answer, he just wants to see them squirm.
"It was Shawn's," she says plainly, no emotion in her voice. Either she really had moved on or she was covering up something. Shawn couldn't tell which. But as he watches the screen, he finally gets a good look at her shirt. He couldn't see it before because of how high the table seemed next to her, but he could see it now. It was the tank top he bought her from their trip to the Toronto Zoo. His heart aches at remembering that amazing day.
James nods thoughtfully. "Ah, Shawn. He's a favorite here on The Late Late Show...and if I'm not mistaken...it's his twenty-second birthday today," he says theatrically. She bites on her bottom lip hard and briefly, looks down at her lap before pursing her lips together. "Do the two of you want to give a quick shoutout in case he's watching?"
Nick says a polite 'Happy Birthday' and then all eyes turn to y/n. She closes her eyes momentarily and she opens them as she lifts her head up and smiles politely. "Happy Birthday, Shawn! I hope you actually remember this one," she says that line with biting sarcasm and a hint of shade.
There's a twinge of old guilt that flares up in his heart at her words. He's apologized for that and she accepted it. She's clearly just upset that everyone keeps bringing him up. James notices the ice in her remark.
"I would say that it's getting hot in here but clearly you have enough shade to keep us all cool," he jokes and she laughs at her own pettiness. "I have been meaning to ask...what happened between the two of you? You haven't been seen together since the week the music videos released and your interaction on Insta has been nothing but crickets...pun intended, y/n," he chuckles. "Did you have a falling out or?"
She flips some hair off of her shoulder and slightly leans into Nick for support. He tightens his hand around her shoulder and it makes Shawn sick. He's supposed to be the one giving her support in interviews, not be the reason that she needs it from another guy.
"No...we didn't have a falling out," she lies. "I know that comment might have seemed like we're on the outs but the truth is..." she shrugs dismissively and if you look closely you can see the sadness in her eyes. Her eyes flicker to the camera momentarily as her fingers play with the word on her necklace anxiously.
"People get careers and they don't always have time for each other and they grow apart. With both of us having time-consuming ones like being a rock star...” she smiles wistfully to herself as she continues, “or following celebrities around the globe...it's doubly hard to make time for each other. It's sad but it happens," she explains. "But, I still love him and I'll always be his biggest fan no matter where either of us is. Shawn, I wish you all the best and know that I'm always rooting for you," she finishes as she looks at the camera.
Shawn smiles sadly as he listens to her words. Her words sounded practiced at the beginning. But as they progressed, he could see the struggle in her eyes under the shine of the tears that want to drip. She blinks to conceal them but that doesn't stop Shawn from seeing how much pain she's really in. The softest quiver in her voice when she said she still loves him struck something inside of him.
He wants to hope that she was trying to say that she wants him back. But, she has Nick. So, Shawn turns the TV off and goes to his room. He takes his ring off and tosses it on the dresser as he always does before going to bed. But, this time it bounced too far and slid between the wall and the dresser.
Sighing, he walks over and pulls it away from the wall slightly. When he reaches down to feel for his ring, he also finds a hard plastic case. He retrieves them both and looks at the cracked case under his lamp. His heart begins pounding in his chest as he sees the familiar handwriting on the CD inside.
He immediately grabs his laptop and puts it in before waiting anxiously as it loads. After a few agonizing minutes, the window pops up and he clicks play while turning up the volume all the way. Within the first two strums of the guitar, he knows exactly what song it is. Say You Won't Let Go by James Arthur. She always joked that that could be their song because of how he took care of her the night they met.
Shawn's heart beats heavily as he watches the video. It's clearly her handiwork. The pictures and small clips tell a story. Their story. Or more of her perspective of the relationship. What Shawn could tell from the way she edited it was that she was in awe of him. And also that she was insecure at first before he opened her up.
From that very first night all the way up to including some from her last week in Toronto. It started out mostly of just pictures she took of him when he was asleep or not looking or screenshots of his snaps. Then as they got closer, there were video messages from Shawn, clips of him talking about her...the works. Then when the summer festivals came there were more pics and vids of the two of them having fun. Falling in love.
He felt the tears form in his eyes and he didn't try to stop them as they rolled down his cheeks. How could he have been so blind? She loved him back the whole time. She was just afraid that something exactly like what he did would happen. The last few videos and pictures were from the music videos and her week with him and his family. Some of the pictures were when they both weren't looking and he knows that Aaliyah took them. She looked so happy and at home with him.
The video began to fade to black. As the last ten seconds of the song played, a small note from her was displayed. He paused it so he could read it.
No more hiding. Not from you, not from the world, and not from myself. I am completely and stupidly in love with you, Shawn Mendes. Please, don't make me regret it.
His heart literally stopped in his chest for a few seconds. She must've been working on this before the interview happened. The case is cracked and was behind his dresser. He assumes she threw it and forgot about it.
His mind races as it tries to put together the puzzle pieces that are her. The video...the Euterpe necklace...the questions she wouldn't answer in interviews...the shirt from one of their dates...Nick letting her not answer that question...what she said for his birthday just now...click.
She hasn't moved on. She's still in love with him! Which means that there's a chance he can still get her back. He just has to act quickly before she and Nick become permanent. He already has the perfect plan forming in his head and he'll be sure to work out the exact details on his flight.
Within a few days, he arrives at the Sunset Hotel. He walks up to the front desk to find Xander scrutinizing a log book. Shawn clears his throat and he looks up as his shoulders jump.
"God! You have to stop showing up unannounced like this," he says. Though he clutches his heart in surprise, his tone doesn't suggest any actual contempt for Shawn.
Shawn shrugs as he moves closer and leans his elbows on the desk. "I can still get her back," he announces with determination.
"Wow, straight to the point. No small talk...no 'hi, Xander. How have you been?'...nothing," Xander teases.
He sighs in return. "I'm on a schedule. I can only get her back if I move fast. So are you gonna help me or not? Your input is vital," he reiterates.
"Shawn," he sighs, "I told you I'm not playing wingman for you anymore..."
Shawn is about to argue when a voice catches both of their attention. "I'll help." They both turn to find Anna standing there shyly.
"Really?" Shawn's eyebrows shoot up and she nods. "You hate me, though. You never wanted me to be with her," he reminds her.
She shrugs with a look of shame. "Yeah, but I hurt her far more than you did. I know that she still loves you so I want to help. I want her to be happy," she says quietly.
"Okay, thank you," he answered. "Xander, if Anna is on board then surely you can help too?"
Anna nods and they both look at him with pleading eyes. "Don't make me regret this, Mendes," he conceded. "You either, Anna."
They both cheer silently as they all lean in together for the details of his plan. "Okay, so first things first...I need all the footage and photos of y/n that you can find. I'm talking baby photos and home videos straight up until as recent as you can get...steal them from her Insta page if you have to," he instructs.
"What are you gonna do?" Anna asks curiously.
He takes a deep breath as he runs his hand through his curls anxiously. "I have to make a couple calls to get a few more people on board...hopefully they say yes."
"And if they don't?" Xander ponders out loud.
Shawn shrugs as a look of urgency crosses his face. "They have to. The plan doesn't work without them," he admits.
As they break to do their respective tasks, Xander lets Shawn stay in y/n's room to make the calls. A few hours later, he has everyone on board except for one. The phone rings as Shawn paces her room waiting for the last piece of the puzzle to pick up.
It finally stops ringing as someone answers, "Hello, this is Hailee's phone." Shawn's breath catches at the voice he hasn't heard in person for months. "Hello?" She asks again as if maybe he couldn't hear her.
"Uh...yes, is Hailee available?" He asks, slightly lowering his voice in an attempt to disguise it.
There's a pause. "No...she's doing a soundcheck right now. Who is this?"
He clears his throat before sighing. "It's...Shawn..."
"Why didn't you just say so," she responds, her voice less enthusiastic than before.
"I didn't want to upset you...I didn't think you'd answer Hailee's phone," he says honestly.
Silence fills the line. "Y/n? Listen, I can call back-"
Something shifts around the microphone as if the phone is being moved and then it clears up with a new out of breath voice. "Hey, Shawn. It's Hailee, what's up?"
“Hailee? Is that you?” He double-checks.
She lets out a small laugh. “Yes...y/n said you were on the phone so I took a five. This is Shawn...right?” She giggles nonchalantly.
“Yes! Sorry, I’m just a little caught off guard...” he explains.
“Why would you be caught off-guard? You called me, remember?”
He sighs. “Right. I did do that. I just wasn’t expecting y/n to pick up your phone-“
“Did you need something or not?” She asks slightly irritated that he interrupted soundcheck to ask about her.
He clears his throat. “I did. I need your help to get y/n back,” he says determinately.
She scoffs. “Why the hell would I help you do that? I saw what you said in that interview...plus she’s happy now! Why on this Earth would I help you rip her away from that?”
“Because you know just as well as I do that she may be happy with Nick, but she doesn’t love him,” he answers. There’s a long pause on her end so Shawn continues. “You and I both know the brave and strong front she puts up. She looks happy and together...but she’s not. Nick is nothing but a distraction-“
She interrupts him frustratedly, “Enough, Shawn! Jeez...you’re wrong. She is happy with him. Maybe even precisely for the fact that he isn’t you. And you just can’t stand that you’re not the one who does it anymore-“
“Hailee, I would bet you everything I have including my life that if you look at her closely...you’ll see it. Pay attention to what she wears, what she says...what she does. Because I saw her interview a few days ago. She’s miserable. And so am I...so just...watch her and if you don’t see it then fine. But the plan doesn’t work without you,” he pleads.
She swallows the lump in her throat from his words. Was she really so willing to believe that her best friend was magically okay overnight? And that she had gotten over Shawn that quickly? It’s naive but she’s unwilling to admit that he deserves her back.
“My five minutes are up...see you around, Shawn,” she sighs as she hangs up the phone.
Shawn’s grip tightens on the phone but he wills himself to have hope. Hailee loves her. She will look out for the signs and when she sees them...it’s only a matter of time.
In the blink of an eye, the end of August finally arrives and Nick has to go back to LA to finish the movie he started. It’s our last day together, which Hailee gave me permission to take the day off of work for. So, we decided to walk around Las Vegas and be silly tourists together.
The whole day was amazing and it couldn’t have been more perfect. As the hours ticked closer to the time that he’d have to leave, I could feel myself dragging my feet. At the hotel, I watched as he rounded up all of his stuff that was intermingled with mine.
“Do you have to go right now?” I whine like a child.
He chuckles as he walks over and pulls me off the bed into one of his amazing hugs. “Sorry, babe. But, yes. If we want the movie to premiere next year, we gotta finish it by Christmas,” he mumbles into my hair.
“I know. I know. But, I’ll see you in LA for my birthday right?” I say as I nuzzle my head further into his chest and smell his intoxicating cologne.
He pulls away and retrieves something from his bag as he replies, “Actually...I wanted to give you your present early. That way you can wear it on the occasion.” He smiles that goofy lopsided smile that makes me melt.
My eyes widen as he holds out a velvet rectangular box. As my fingers click the lid open, my mouth parts in awe. “Nick...it’s beautiful...” I whisper.
The inside of the box displays a dainty silver chain that is home to a small ruby heart. “Please tell me this wasn’t expensive...” I warn him.
“Well, I can’t lie to you so I won’t say anything...” he teases. I playfully push at his chest before my awed expression dulls. “What’s wrong?” He says, the small smile never leaving his features.
I try to find the words, but I can’t. Or I can. I just don’t want to. I look at my feet in guilt as my fingers do what they always do when I’m nervous. They trace the letters on my necklace that hasn’t left my neck for any longer than a shower.
“Oh,” I can hear the slight disappointment in his voice. “It’s a good thing I kept the receipt...” he tries to joke.
I look up at him with eyes glistening. “I’m so sorry, Nick...” I begin but he shakes he shrugs his shoulder as he waves his hand dismissively.
“It’s fine, y/n. It really is,” he tries to downplay the hurt in his voice.
Grabbing his hand, I squeeze it and his puppy dog eyes meet mine. “It’s not fine. I tried to let go...I really did. You make me so so happy, but-“
“But, you don’t love me. You love him,” he finishes.
I nod as a tear escapes and leaves a warm trail down my cheek. “I really wanted to be with you...because you are the most amazing guy I’ve ever known...there’s just...something about being with Shawn that’s...different,” I explain with a wavering voice. “And I wish I didn’t...” I shake my head as more tears flow, “but, I love him. And I never stopped.”
Guilt and shame wash over me. I should’ve never agreed to use him. He deserves more than that. I let my gaze fall to the floor as I cry. I expect him to just walk out the door. But, he doesn’t. Instead, he wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head soothingly.
“I knew when we started this that there was a possibility you’d go back to him. I don’t blame you for anything,” he assures me. “But, I’m glad I got to be with you for the time that I did. I don’t regret it and neither should you.”
I look up at him as I sniffle. How can he be so gracious about this? Before I can say anything else, he delicately places his lips on mine. They linger, just barely pressing against mine as I feel the warmth from him. As he parts from me, my breath staggers just a moment. Then, he places an even longer kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes and try to contain my sadness, replacing it with all the happiness I had because of him.
His lips leave my skin and I keep my eyes closed as I hear him gather his things. My breathing picks up in a jagged pace and soon I hear the door close. I clamp my hand over my mouth as I open my eyes and find him gone. It was the right thing to do. That’s what I keep telling myself as I make my way back to the tour bus.
As soon as I enter, Hailee takes notice of my state. “Aw honey. It’s okay...you’ll see him in October...” she soothes as she hugs me.
“No,” I shake my head as I wipe at my eyes. “We broke up...”
She audibly gasps as she looks at me with worried eyes. “Why?? You guys were so happy!”
I flop down on the bed and hug a pillow. “Because I’m still in love with Shawn, and it’s wrong to keep using Nick like that,” I confess.
“Bu...” She silences herself as her brows knit together. “I have to go make a call real quick...will you be okay for like five minutes?”
I nod silently and she leaves. I’m so lost in my own despair that my brain didn’t register her strange behavior. In the following months, I still didn’t pick up on all her sketchy mannerisms. Making secret phone calls, not letting me answer her phone anymore...October rolled around and it got even worse.
We were trying to prepare for her LA show and she just kept being more and more secretive. Disappearing and acting jumpy. I chalked it up to the fact that my birthday coincided with her show and maybe she was planning a surprise for it. Someone should have told her that I usually hate them.
It’s the day of the LA show (also my 23rd birthday) and I’m running around making sure all of the photographers and camera crew have their assignments. This show is an important one because it’s the last one of the tour, so the show is going to be next level amazing.
Hailee bumps into me as I round a corner. “Oh! Hey, I was just looking for you!” She exclaims. I barely look up from my clipboard as I hum in acknowledgment. She snatches it from my grasp.
“Hey! I was just finishing that list for the show!”
She gives me a knowing smirk. “Delegation is a thing that’s allowed, ya know,” she informs me. I open my mouth to counter but she continues. “And before you argue, that’s not a request. Let someone else finish the list while you get changed and relax a little,” she demands politely.
“Why would I need to change?” I quirk my eyebrows in suspicion.
She looks up innocently. “No reason...just put on something nice! Now, hurry!!”
Groaning, I turn around and walk to the dressing room to do as she says. I find a black satin dress with a light purple flower print on it. The thin straps create an apron neckline and it’s backless, while the hem goes to my mid-thigh. I match it with a pair of black heels that have straps that criss-cross around my calves.
I do simple makeup and my hair is still wavy from earlier today when I curled it. Annoyed, I walk back out to the side of the stage where Hailee has begun her introduction. I try to grab the clipboard from someone but they tell me Hailee said I’m not allowed to have it.
I cross my arms as I watch her pump up the crowd. “I’m glad y’all are having a great time!! Before we get started...” I hear her say and my attention snaps toward the stage. She looks at me and I shake my head vigorously. “It’s someone’s birthday!! Let’s all welcome her out onto the stage for her surprise!”
With no other choice because of how loud the crowd has gotten, I stride over to Hailee. “This better not be anything extravagant,” I warn under my breath before smiling and waving to the crowd.
“So some of us, her friends, have put together a birthday video for you! You’re gonna sit here and watch the screen and we have a special guest coming in to perform a couple of songs to open for my show!” She cheers.
I roll my eyes and press two fingers to my temple. She holds the mic in front of me and I take it. “Well, then. Let’s get started! We’re on a tight schedule,” I chuckle.
“Roll the clip!” She shouts as she takes the mic away from me and stands offstage. Someone brings out a chair for me to sit on to watch the screen that comes down at the back of the stage.
Everyone goes quiet in anticipation as the lights dim so the screen can be seen more clearly. I twiddle my thumbs in an anxious manner as the screen finally lights up. A smile comes to my lips as a picture of me as a newborn in the hospital comes up. In the background, I can hear someone playing a very slow rendition of Happy Birthday on the piano.
The picture glides away and is replaced with a collage of baby photos and home videos that keep progressing in age. I giggle at some silly ones and my eyes start to water from nostalgia. The song begins coming to an end as the pictures shift into me at age 20. I clap and stand up as I think the video is over because the song is. But, Hailee points at the seat as an indication that it’s not.
My brows knit together as a guitar starts playing while the video leads up to me turning 21. The song sounds extremely familiar but I can’t place it. Not to mention it sounds way clearer than if it were on the screen. After about 25 seconds of strumming, a voice begins to accompany the guitar and the screen displays pictures and clips from my 21st birthday on. Starting with the Insta vid that Shawn took of me that morning.
Oh my god. My worried eyes flash to Hailee and I can see her holding her clasped hands in front of her lips in anticipation. I knew that I knew the song. Of course, it was one of Shawn’s. It was hard to place because it’s never been on an album. He only plays it live: She’ll Be the One. My heart is having trouble beating as I watch the screen.
All the photos and videos from the karaoke bar, the selfies we took later that night...the ones from the diner and so on. The lyrics of the song get to, “But, how can I not try...” and my muffled ears hear the crowd go nuts. I turn to the other side of the stage. Oh my god.
Shawn slowly walks out, playing the guitar and singing into a mic hooked around his ear. Immediately, my breathing flutters irregularly and my skin shivers. I turn back to the screen, trying to find a normal breathing rate, but he walks until he’s right next to me and gets on his knees in front of me. The crowd is going wild as he continues the song but I focus my stare on the video.
It was getting into pictures that he took of me, ones I usually didn’t notice. At the Grammys...his album release party...the summer festivals...and all the snaps in between that he saved. I clench my jaw and press my lips in a hard line in an attempt to not react, but he’s right in front of me.
This isn’t what I was expecting. Yeah, I’m still in love with him. But, who the hell is he to come out here and make a public spectacle of his apology? I’m not ready for this. I can’t even react right now. The drums and electric guitar kick in and I get the same quake in my heart that I always do when I hear it. He stands up and moves to a mic stand as the song ends. Oh, but he’s not finished yet.
I send a hard glare toward Hailee, but she doesn’t seem to mind. He begins playing an electric guitar and I have to fight the smirk that wants to appear. I shake my head and pointedly look at the screen because I can feel his eyes watching me as he begins singing. This fucker thinks he’s clever. What song did he pick to win me back? Ruin.
It fits perfectly with the video as it goes into all of our secret coupley photos and videos...and then behind the scenes footage of the music vids...the weekend of the Grammys when I was sick...our week in Toronto with his family. The middle of the song hits and it’s accompanied by a silent clip of the interview that made me leave. I hear the slight waver in his voice as my time with Nick comes onscreen.
I venture a small glance in his direction. Sure enough, his eyes have never left me. I feel the hard lump forming in my throat and it’s as if I’m reliving losing him all over again. I’m not the only one. His eyes are shining as the light hits the tears in them. The bridge begins and the crowd is chanting the lyrics with him. It’s a haunting experience.
As I continue watching him instead of the screen, I see the seriousness and passion in his eyes. The veins in his neck and arms protrude as he literally sings his heart out to me. I slowly stand up and take a few small steps toward him as the song winds down. His eyebrows furrow curiously at me and I swallow as I take a steadying breath.
“Not tryna ruin your happiness at all...” he beautifully sings the last lyric and the venue goes deadly silent. He hands the guitar to someone and takes the mic off the stand, making his way to stand a foot away from me.
My lip trembles as I breathe unsteadily. I can feel my eyes glossing with warm tears that want to drip. He slowly brings the mic to his lips as he holds my gaze. His breath is heavy from singing and he swallows dryly. Just when I thought he couldn’t surprise me more...
“I’m done hiding you from the world. I am completely and stupidly in love with you, y/n y/l/n. Please, take me back...” he begs. His deep brown eyes search mine intensely. I haven’t seen them up close in so long.
My mouth falls open as I choke on the breath I was holding. The entire venue loses their minds. I can’t believe he just confessed his love for me in front of everyone here. This will definitely end up on YouTube, so probably the entire world will see it.
I stutter as I try to respond with something. Anything. But, I feel the speed of my breathing accelerate while my heart pounds furiously. I don’t know what else to do, so I turn around and run. Running certainly isn’t going to help my breathing but it’ll help me get away from that situation.
I can hear Hailee awkwardly take over the stage and begin her set. I’m not even sure where I’m running to. At some point, I shed my shoes and grab my purse as I call an Uber quickly. It arrives as soon as I’m out on the street and I slide in, slamming the door quickly.
Everything is just too much, so I tell the driver to take me to the one place where I know my mind can slow down.
Shawn hurries after her offstage, but she’s quicker than he thought she could be in heels. He finally finds them discarded in the dressing room and her purse is gone. His hand grips the roots of his chocolate curls worriedly. It’s late and she shouldn’t be out on the streets by herself.
He can’t do anything but think about the look on her face when she saw him. Surprise mostly. A little bit of pain. But, the rest was confusion. He knows he has a lot to explain and apologize for. Maybe he should’ve thought through the public romantic gesture a little more, but his heart was in the right place.
Hours go by as he looks for her everywhere he can think of. The entire night has past and he’s exhausted. Not from the lack of sleep, but the lack of not knowing if she’s okay. She’s not from here, so there’re only so many places she can go...and then it dawns on him.
It doesn’t take long for him to get an Uber to the last resort guess at where she would be. As he gets out and makes his way down toward the waves, he releases a breath. The small silhouette of her hugging her knees to her chest is illuminated by the tip of light from the rising sun.
Shawn takes off his shoes and slowly walks toward her, feeling the sand in between his toes. Before he reaches her, she stands up and stretches her arms out by her sides. Her fingers dance through the wind as she tilts her head back and soaks in her surroundings. He can’t help but take a picture.
He speaks softly as he approaches her, “I’m glad this part of you hasn’t changed.”
“I knew you’d find me,” she states simply as she lowers her arms and sneaks a glance at him.
He comes to a stop facing her at a respectful distance. “Is that so?” She nods, a tiny glimmer of a smile on the corner of her lip. “I can leave you alone if you’d like,” he offers.
“I think I’ve been alone enough already,” she sighs as she turns and looks up at him. He admires the way the rising sun shimmers off her skin. She admires the way the shadows of the previous night outline his statuesque features.
They stand like that a moment, gauging each other. And then Shawn breaks the silence, “I’m sorry. For everything. For the interview...for not coming after you immediately...for putting you on the spot like that...especially when I know you’re with Nick and I don’t want to be a bad-“
“I’m not,” she corrects him.
He stares at her with a quizzical look. “Not what?”
She releases a puff of air from her nose in a silent scoff. “I’m not with Nick. We broke up in August,” she informs him.
“You...I mean...why?” He stammers.
She closes the distance a bit before replying, “Why do you think?” She asks rhetorically. Shawn dares to let his features light up the tiniest bit. “You’re really gonna make me say it?”
“Mhm,” he hums as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. He gazes intently into her eyes. There’s so much she can see in them. The hope, the adoration, the love, but also a tiny bit of fear. Like if he didn’t make her say it then she would slip through his fingers again.
She notices how his eyes try their hardest to not look at her lips, but she has no qualms about her gaze flicking to his as she licks hers. “Shawn Mendes,” she begins teasingly, “I am in love wi-“
That’s all she can manage to say before Shawn is grabbing her by the small of her back with one hand and pulling her flush against him as his other hand finds its home just past her jaw and under her ear. His lips connect with hers and she’d expected it to be fervent after so long apart but it wasn’t.
It was the opposite. It was tender and slow. Almost as if he pressed too much that her delicate lips would shatter beneath him. It filled her up with warmth nonetheless. The kind of warmth that spread to her toes on that chilly October morning with the wind nipping their noses.
But neither of them moved. Her hands had reacquainted themselves with his neck and the roots of his hair easily. He didn’t want to break her, but she had been hollow these past few months. While he tried, Nick couldn’t fill the hole that was meant for Shawn’s touch. And now that she finally has the smallest taste of him, it isn’t enough.
She pulls him against her further, as if it were possible. And each tug of his curls tightens his grip on her skin. She deepens the kiss by swiping her tongue along his delicious lips and he eagerly responds. Soft moans and slight giggles escape their mouths and dance in the air between them as they continue to act as if they’re the only ones in the world.
And so they stood like that, drinking each other in after months of being in the desert while the sun finally rose over the horizon.
Tag List: @imagine-that-100 @hufflepuffshawn @luke2k18 @thewhinersoldier
