#beafree

[the-art-of-freeing]

I want to see more pictures like this on my social media.

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[the-art-of-freeing]

On Not Shaving

Can we talk about how sexist and pedophilic it is that the patriarchal society we live in has made hairless women the norm?  As if we’re all naturally built like 5 year olds, bald from the eyebrows down.  Women are made to feel like their completely natural and normal body hair is gross and something to be ashamed of, and I strive to change that.

In my past relationship, I felt pressured to shave every time before seeing him.  I ended up getting Brazilian waxes once a month because I couldn’t stand razor burn on my bikini line.  Looking back on it now, I can’t believe I would pay $50 (per month!) to be spread eagle on a table while hot wax was laid and viciously ripped off some of my most sensitive skin.  I specifically remember one time we had gone two weeks without seeing each other because I was out of town, and I hadn’t shaved my legs at all during that time.  I sent him a picture of the long, dark (and totally normal!) hair on my legs and he told me it was “nasty” and that I needed to “take care of that.”  And I know women experience this every day, whether from their partners or society in general.  The message that body hair needs to be “taken care of” is constantly pounded into us.

After I dumped my stupid ex, I started shaving less and less.  Last winter I made the conscious decision to stop shaving/waxing completely.  And this past April I went to the beach with my current partner and showed off my unshaved armpits in a bathing suit for the first time.  It was scary at first - I thought everyone was staring at me and judging me.  But after a day or two I got used to it and grew to love the feeling.  I feel more like a woman than I ever have before.  My beautiful boyfriend supports my decision and loves that I don’t remove my hair.  He’d never been with a woman who wasn’t constantly shaving but he now prefers my natural look.  

These days, I rock some seriously hairy armpits, leg hair so long I can feel the breeze blow through it, and a full 70s-style bush.  And you know what?  I feel free.

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[the-art-of-freeing]

Why I haven’t been posting recently...

It’s not that I don’t know what to write, it’s that I get caught up in my own head.  What if I pour my heart out and get no notes?  What if people don’t find my words helpful?  It can be scary sometimes to send your deepest thoughts out into the void that is the Internet and hope that a stranger or two out there likes what you have to say.

I’m going to try to be more consistent in my original writing and post without fear.  Who cares if I get no likes?  Who cares if someone out there disagrees with what I say?  My words are my words, my story is mine to tell, and my passion for writing about self positivity and female empowerment can overshadow any fear I have about rejection.

P. S. Thank you to those who follow and support me!  Any notification I get from any of you warms my heart.

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“Fuck me deeper” - a guide to communication during sex

Let’s face it: sex can be super intimidating.  If you’re having sex with someone who’s had more experience than you it can be doubly intimidating.  Speaking up and asking or telling your sex partner what you want during sex can be scary.  Maybe you don’t want to bruise their ego.  Maybe you just genuinely don’t know what to say.  Let’s talk about how common these fears are and how to work through them.

When I started dating my current partner, he told me that none of the other girls he’d been with had masturbated.  At all.  This blew my mind, of course.  I want to live in a world where every girl feels comfortable exploring her own body without feeling dirty or ashamed.  My partner told me that because these girls had never had orgasms on their own, they didn’t know what to tell him to do.  I just have to say: masturbation is EVERYTHING!  Every person likes different things and you will probably have sex with multiple people in your life, each of whom will also like different things.  Knowing what movements, rhythms, and motions get you going is so important.  (Check out my post on female masturbation here if you’re stuck on how to get yourself to that big O!)  I don’t think it’s that the majority of women are afraid to ask for what they want; I think a lot of women simply don’t know.  Masturbation can help you feel empowered because you are taking control of your own pleasure - and it’s even better when you get to spread that knowledge to your sex partner(s).

I want to live in a world where every girl feels comfortable exploring her own body without feeling dirty or ashamed.

So, you’ve masturbated.  You know what feels good.  Awesome.  Now how to ask for it in bed?  Regardless of whether you’re having sex with a one night stand or your long term partner, I believe both people should be putting in the effort to make themselves and the other person feel good.  I tend to go for the straightforward phrases like, “Keep doing that,” “Gentle with your tongue,” or “Fuck me deeper.”  These are simple and get your point across.  

If you’re worried about hurting your partner’s feelings by critiquing them, stay away from phrases like, “That doesn’t feel good,” or “You’re not doing it right.”  Instead, phrase things positively, like, “I liked what you were doing before,” or “Use less pressure.”  These are constructive directions that help them change what they’re doing instead of just making them feel inadequate.

Increase your breathing as they do things you like and moan once they start doing something you love.

If descriptive phrases like these are too much for you, no worries.  I recommend being really purposeful with your breathing and moaning.  In heterosexual porn, the woman often starts screaming as soon as the guy enters her, but in real life it doesn’t really help your partner to start making those sounds right away (unless, of course, they’re so good that they truly are making you scream immediately, in which case please write in and tell me all about it).  Increase your breathing as they do things you like and moan once they start doing something you love.  It’s sort of like a non-verbal game of hot and cold.  Your partner will get the hint based on your sounds and you’ll get to hear yourself build up to an orgasm or to a lot of pleasure.  Win-win!

Communication, verbal or otherwise, is so important in every type of relationship.  Exploring your own body will help you know what makes you feel good.  Talking to your partner before, during, or after sex about what was good and what could be better will make sex more enjoyable for both of you the next time around.  Good luck and don’t forget to write in with any questions, comments, or stories!

Xoxo, Bea

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[the-art-of-freeing]

what else do you need, really?

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worship all women.

artist: Tina Elena Maria

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We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, “You can have ambition but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man.” We teach girls to see each other as competitors, not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. Feminist: a person who believes in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.

-Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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Recently got this comment on my post about not shaving. I’m not including their username because I don’t want to spread hate and be petty but I do want to point out that in what they thought was an argument against me actually proved my point. Equating body hair with personal hygiene is a perfect example of how women are made to feel gross for not shaving. Hygiene has nothing to do with body hair - I shower daily, wear deodorant (aluminum free, of course) and brush my teeth twice a day. And my choice not to remove my body hair doesn’t make me unclean. Just because someone isn’t literally holding a gun to my head and telling me to shave doesn’t mean the pressure and societal expectation isn’t there.

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