Discover Top Posts Tagged with #beans things

On John Doe and Stress

It’s something small that Arthur does. A habit that most people wouldn’t notice. Something inconspicuous but powerful.

Arthur plays piano when he’s nervous.

Obviously not the actual instrument, that would be unmanageable given the situations they find themselves in. But Arthur goes through the motions of pressing the keys onto his thigh or arm when he feels uneasy.

It’s small, and calming, and something John can distinctly feel in the vagueness between where he stops and Arthur begins.

Slender fingers gently tap against their upper arm during the wait for a taxi. The pattern doesn’t follow any rhythm John can discern. In fact he only recognises it is a pattern after the third repeat. It’s something that belongs solely in Arthur’s mind, a small hold out from a time when his life was mostly normal.

…John wonders if it is her song that brings him comfort. He remembers the tinkling tune that came from the music box, despite all that preceded and came after it.

He knows Arthur believes it was her lullabye that brought him back. John doesn’t know if he wants to correct that thought. It’s nice, to hold onto the idea that he owes her more than just keeping her father alive. That he can string another hook in the weave that is John Doe and attach it to another reason to be. Latch on to a part of the same thing that drive’s Arthur so much.

If he thinks back to all the times Arthur has played the piano in his presence, its always had the same effect. Even the first time, when it was nothing but a ploy by John to get him to calm down. It worked. It settled Arthur’s mind and nerves. It always has.

So when John feels the tapping at the back of his hand in the back of the taxi, it's nothing particularly new.

Except the closeness.

Mostly, when he can feel Arthur's tapping, it's just the impressions near their elbow. Where John can't quite control anything, but still has some sensation.

It's never been this… blatant before.

Arthur drums out the first couple of imaginary notes with his right hand, the part he’d been playing previously. But when his piece gets to the lower notes, his left hand does not complete the melody.

“Ah! John I’m sorry! I didn’t mean—”

Arthur tries to pull his hand back away, perhaps feeling embarrassment of some kind. John, however, feels an unexpected pang shoot through him. He suddenly, maybe desperately, does not want this contact to break. There's something special to this moment. It’s a chance for John to be of help to Arthur. There’s something to the song too, a need for Arthur to finish playing it. Before Arthur can move his hand too far, John snags it back.

“It’s alright Arthur,” he says, totally calm and cool, “I… I don’t mind.”

Arthur slowly starts tapping the piece again, the motions slightly more deliberate.

The sensation is a bit odd. The soft points of pressure are unlike anything John has experienced before. It’s not unwelcome.

Eventually he can feel Arthur begin to relax, the movements of his hands less tight, less purposeful.

Tentatively, when the piece seems finished, John reaches out to thread their fingers.

There’s a small twitch at the corner of his vision, a minor tightening of cheek muscles. It’s nice to know when Arthur is smiling. It’s nicer still, to be the cause of that smile.

John notes the point Arthur’s thoughts have drifted back to their task ahead, as Arthur absent mindedly brushes his fingers along the back of John’s hand.

He can see why Arthur does this when he’s stressed. The effect is soothing.

John understands stress, maybe the most of all the emotions Arthur has shown him, because Arthur is always fucking stressing him out.

A horrible pressing, crushing weight settles in his core. The terror floods into him like an ice-cold fire, burning all his thoughts to ash. It squeezes at his sense of self, choking all his thoughts into a closed off bottle neck, only allowing the horror of the situation through. Where he can do nothing but sit helpless, just a fucking pair of eyes and a hand as Arthur struggles, fighting, drowning, bleeding.

Dying.

Christ he hopes he never feels that again.

He failed Arthur. Failed her too.

They feel stress about different things, in different ways. So if this is something that John can do to help Arthur, he will. And maybe one day, he’ll be able to return the favour.

----------------------------------------------------------

More Thoughts

#NERD 🫵 i yell as john gets flustered touching his crush's hand #also i know NOTHING about pianos sorry #ALSO this is vaguely set as like a taxi in New York #but time (and timelines) are fictional constructs so read it as whenever #malevolent podcast #on john doe and his thoughts #john doe malevolent #arthur lester #bean writes #beans things #jarthur #private eyes

Do you think John and Arthur play thumb war

#they didn’t have much to do in the prison pits #orthur this is unfair. you’ve played before you have an advantage #don’t be such a sore loser John #malevolent podcast #arthur lester #john doe malevolent #beans things

Don’t know if this helps anyone or means anything

But I found this in a magic dictionary I was reading

And in episode 41:

Heart = Gold = Sun

Brain = Silver = Moon

Lungs = Mercury = Mercury

Kidneys = Copper = Venus

Gall Bladder = Iron = Mars

Liver = Tin = Jupiter

Spleen = Lead = Saturn

The stomach, intestines and bladder were not replaced

And I don’t know what it means to have your liver, kidneys, spleen and gallbladder being deemed “impure”.

But if anyone figures it out let me know :)

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp 41 #alchemy #tmagp spoilers #beans things

I feel like asmr would do wonders for John and Arthur

#malevolent #malevolent podcast #john doe malevolent #arthur lester #beans things

Let Down x Malevolent edit

Credit to Danny Kuroki’s version of the song on YouTube

I nearly cried while making this one

#arthur lester #john doe malevolent #malevolent podcast #jarthur #private eyes #beans edits #let down #radiohead #…cried of LAUGHTER #I was thinking of making this for weeks but I had to wait for the end of exams #I was cackling while editing #beans things

Vaguely obsessed with John being able to tell people things without Arthur knowing, by just... writing it down.

#malevolent podcast #john doe malevolent #arthur lester #beans things