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Bears are known for their sarcasm 😁
"Oh yeah, I studdied bears in college.
I was an /ursa major/"
Murder mysteries be like
Antag: Let me show you the land of my forbears!
Victim: Sure?
Antag: *locks them in a room with four bears*
Victim: Hey, I get it! Wait…
*muffled sounds of bear violence*
I saw this summary on AO3 and couldn't stop giggling
Joke of the day - Bearly awake
Joke of the day – Bearly awake
“A self pawtrait! Wait, let me get my bearings!” http://www.pinterest.com
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Bear Jokes
Why do bears have fur coats? Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig? A teddy boar!
What should you call a bald teddy? Fred bear!
What animal do you look like when you get into the bath? A little bear!
Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ? It lives on ice!
Have you ever hunted bear? No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!
How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts!
What's a teddy bears favourite pasta? Tagliateddy!
Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo? Because they'd rather go to the cinema!
What is a bear's favourite drink? Koka-Koala !
A New-Retro Dustbowl - Bearly heard you.
Continued from http://polychromaticat-blog.tumblr.com/post/162337095404/a-new-retro-dust-bowl As I was contemplating the nature of my existence I became aware of a conversation that was occurring not two feet from me. Two men and an anthropomorphized bear were speaking in a hush until Bearman growled “It ain’t my fault I was late!” a little bit too loud for the rest of the room, startling everyone there. When people looked back at their drinks, the conversation continued.
“Do you think he’ll notice?”
“What, notice fifteen-hundred kilograms of space smack didn’t get delivered? Yeah, I think he’s gonna know.”
“It’s not my fucking fault my wrecker broke down and I missed the supplier, he shoulda waited five fucking minutes.”
“You shoulda taken the horse like I told you,” This was the smaller of the two men, and the first time he spoke, I realized he wasn’t a he at all. Upon closer inspection, she was a big boned gal in her forties. She looked like she had lived on Mars her whole life, and it’d been a hard one. Her face was filled with crags and red dirt, her skin was covered in freckles and sunspots from too much time without proper protection. Her eyes were blue, like ice, and older than she looked. This broad looked tough as nails. “The damn robot horse is smarter than you Leeroy!”
“Aww ma, you know I can ride that damn thing, it won’t let me.”
“That’s besides the point, you’re gonna be in a world of shit.”
“How long you reckon I have? Maybe I can get a transport off this fucking mud ball.”
“You ain’t go time for that boy, you had better make for Larrytown and then lay low for a few weeks. I can arrange for some sort of passage for you to another system, but…”
“But, I can never come back.”
“Yeah, and your father and I would have to remain out of contact, for if they find out, they will surely kill us for getting you out.” There was real fear in her voice.
“Provided the idiot don’t bung it up before we even get him off this planet.” Said the old man.
“Aw paw, why you gotta ride me so hard, I can’t bare it.”
I couldn’t help it, I let out a spasmodic laugh at that one, drawing their attention to my dropping in on their conversation, fucking puns. Before I knew it they were advancing on me.
“Woah, woah, woah fellas” I said putting my hands up in innocence. “I did not mean to partake in your conversation uninvited, I was simply watching the room looking for a feller I’d like to get my hands on when I over heard only a small part of your predicament.” By now the bearman was standing behind me, his paws coming down upon my shoulders, and I was flanked by the other two, I’d have to think fast to get them on my side. I definitely couldn’t afford to draw to much more attention to myself and maybe these folks were suffering from the same bleeding asshole I was. I knew his style, heck, I taught him how to grift and sell dope, I probably introduced him to the connection that Mr. Bear failed to meet. “Hey maybe you know him? Goes by the name of Handsome Jack, he’ll be the fine sheriff of these parts.”
They all made eye contact with each other and their silence told me everything I needed to know. He was here, and he was who was causing them grief.
“Perhaps you folks’d like to join me for a drink, Bartender! A round for the table!” I attempted to stand up at this point and found the bear allowed me to get up and walk to the bar, sitting in the chair across from mine. While I got the drinks and paid the man, they spoke in a hush I couldn’t drop eaves on, and the room returned to relative calm. When I returned to the table they all said nothing, just stared at me and waited for me to make it worth their time. The woman looked like she was ready to put a knife six inches deep into my sternum.
I placed the whiskey in front of them and sat back in my seat with a sigh of relief.
“So, I take it you folks have had some trouble with the Law.”
“What you know about ‘the law’ in these parts stranger?” Snarled the Bear.
“I feel mighty rude not having told you my name yet, I go by Glory Mankind. Father was a patriot in the last war with the bugs. I hated his politics, but you can’t help where you come from if you take my meaning. Not that I mean anything by it Mr. Bear? I am quite fond of Bears.”
“Oh are you, well I guess that makes it ok then? You got lots of bear friends do ya?” Mr. Bear said in a rage, “I suppose you think I am used to jokes at my expense but the last feller to make a joke on my account ended up Bearied, if you take my meaning.” Again, I snickered, barely pulling it together before Bearman lunged across the table, only stopped by the woman.
“Stop it Leeroy, we got better shit to do than deal with the chip on your shoulder, he’s adopted. We liberated him from a lab when he was a child. My name is Martha, this is Tex. Now, Glory was it? What the hell do you know about our sheriff?”
“He used to be my partner. Partner in crime, partner in love, partner in a lot of things. We hit a big score a few years back. Not a small job that’d keep us going for a few months, this was a big enough deal we could have bought a small planet and retired. But I was double crossed, he made a deal with some crooked cops to split the earnings and frame me for the crime.”
“Yeah that sounds like Jack.” Said Martha.
“He left me holding the bag. I went to prison for that fucker. Two years slowed to feel like forty, it was hell, just a white room and soothing nature sounds for forty fucking years. I shoot every motherfucking bird I see now.” I was gritting my teeth recalling the torture meant to rehabilitate my violent nature. “By the time I got out, he was long gone, with my score. It was another two years tracking him from system to system, until he slipped up and tried to make contact with some old friends in the underworld, friends that liked me better and knew what kinda asshole he had been to me. They told me where he was opperatin, so I ‘got my ass to Mars’ as they say. I’d only been here a few hours when y’all started talking about a familiar fucker I was at odds with.”
“He hired me to be his deputy, by that I mean he bought up some land owned by my family and threatened to kick us off if I didn’t come work for him. I didn’t want to do it, especially when his deputizing involved taking the locals down a peg er two, especially when that meant hurting folks.” Leeroy was actually quite meek and gentle. He had so much genuine sadness in his animalistic eyes. “He was gonna sell me back the land, told me if I did this one thing for him he’d leave me and my family alone. I knew it had to be illegal, but it wasn’t the first time I had crossed the line for my family.” Martha reached for his paw and gripped it tightly. “Now I am just gonna have to leave them anyway.” A single tear ran down Tex’s face as he reached for his boy, uh, bear, umm ...son. The family stayed locked in that moment trying to hold on to it like they held each other, like if they just held on no one could ever separate them.
