A short fic inspired by T.Swift’s The Way I Loved You. Tsukuyo-centered
He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
He says everything I need to hear and it’s like
I couldn’t ask for anything better
The first time she met him was a blur.
Hinowa, who claimed she was sick and tired of seeing Tsukuyo miserable, set them up.
“Just this once, Tsukuyo. It’s been a year. Why don’t you give it a try?”
That night, though she would never admit to anyone, was kind of decent. She never expected that she could be comfortable with a man like him. She was cold towards him at first, but he just smiled at her the whole time and just like that, she caught herself warming up to him. Although he was quiet, he was never boring. She actually enjoyed her conversations with him. When she got home, she hid the smile she was wearing from Hinowa.
Tsukuyo smirked at the memory and lets out a lazy puff of smoke from her kiseru. ‘Miserable, huh?’
She sometimes hear the other courtesans whisper about how she’s lucky to have a handsome gentleman like him; how he’s nothing like the other men who only court women because they want something from them.
She recalls the reason why she agreed to meet up with him. She frowns and shakes her head. They’ve been seeing each other for 5 months.
She’s happy now, right?
‘Right?’
He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says you look beautiful tonight
And I feel perfectly fine
Tsukuyo agreed to meet with him tonight; he said that he was going to tell her something important. That’s why that whole afternoon, she was so anxious that she didn’t even bother to dress up well for their dinner. And now, she was just outside Yoshiwara waiting for him to pick her up.
“Tsukuyo?”
At the sound of his voice, she felt her anxieties go away. Tsukuyo swiftly turned and saw his handsome grin, she could not help but smile back. It’s a good thing he isn’t wearing anything fancy tonight. She sighed in relief. ‘This man ‘as been so nice ta me. But….’
He held the door to his car, still not losing the grin, and asked, “You ready?” She was about to give him a cool reply about being always ready when she saw a flash of silver right at the corner of her eye. She turned to the direction where she saw it but found nothing or no one. ‘Impossible…. You’re just seeing things, Tsukuyo..’ She quickly gets in before he starts worrying, and she could not help but feel that someone was watching her. Tsukuyo did not want to know who.
Before she fell asleep that night, she forced herself to forget what she saw. Or felt.
He can’t see the smile I’m faking
And my heart’s not breaking
Cause I’m not feeling anything at all
And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating, intoxicating
Complicated, got away by some mistake and now
Last night’s dinner was ‘…. insightful.’ She remembered how she told Hinowa that she did not want to talk to anyone, and immediately slumped herself on her futon when she got home. At breakfast, she apologized for her behavior.
“Just what exactly happened, Tsukuyo?” Hinowa asked as she adjusted her wheelchair to look at Tsukuyo. She was not angry at her. She was just worried. Tsukuyo did not immediately answer. She reached for her tea and took a sip. Hinowa sighed. “I have something really important to tell you that’s why I needed to talk to you last night.”
Tsukuyo stared at Hinowa. Amethyst orbs meet Cerulean ones. “Me too.” Tsukuyo sets down her cup and folded her hands on her lap. “But I guess ya can go first.”
“Okay….. If you say so.” Hinowa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was not sure how Tsukuyo will react but undoubtedly, she’s gonna be shocked. “Apparently, Gin-san….. Gin-san is back. He passed by the shop last night and he- Tsukuyo, are you alright?”
Hinowa was not able to finish her sentence as the shinigami tayuu suddenly stood up. Evidently, Gin-san’s name still has that effect on her. “Yer joking.” Hinowa barely heard what the woman said but she could see how Tsukuyo’s eyes looked twice their size. They were not looking at her but at something far away. Yoshiwara’s Lady could not do anything but sigh. It was the truth and she has no right to keep them especially from Tsukuyo.
“He um… He was looking for you…. He asked me where you were and….. Tsukuyo, I felt really sorry for him…. And I-” Hinowa was not sure if Tsukuyo was even aware that tears were streaming down her scarred face since she was standing awfully still and quiet. Hinowa wheeled herself towards her and tried her best to comfort her friend. Tsukuyo has been keeping these tears from falling since last night. Heck, she’s been keeping these tears from falling since a year ago. And it’s evident now that she failed. Just hearing his name. Just knowing that he was looking for her. Just knowing that he is alive. It sent countless emotions over her. After a minute of silence, Hinowa hears her whisper.
“Heh. I shoulda gone first.” Tsukuyo smiled bitterly and wiped the salty drops spilling from her eyes. But it won’t stop. The tears kept coming in an unbroken stream. Tsukuyo took a shaky breath and looked at Hinowa as if the answers were in her friend’s eyes. “Kaori asked me ta marry him.” Tsukuyo breathed as fresh tears escaped her eyes. At this, it was Hinowa’s turn to cry, becasue she knew. She knew and yet she let it happen.
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it’s 2am and I’m cursing your name
You’re so in love that you act insane
And that’s the way I loved you
It has been a few days since her talk with Hinowa. The woman apologized to her a million times, saying that it was her fault for forcing “you to date other men when you’re obviously still in love with Gin-san.” Tsukuyo replayed the scene in her head as she frowned. She was walking down the streets of Kabuki-cho, making her way to the Yorozuya headquarters with a kiseru on hand when she passed by a convenient store. She thought of buying a carton of strawberry milk before heading there.
“Oh. It’s just you.” was the first thing he said to her after 17 months. He has a bandage wrapped around his head and was staring at her with those scarlet dead-fish eyes. She’d punch him in the face if it weren’t for the situation they were in right now. “What are you doing here?” was the second thing he said to her after 17 months. His tone was just as uninterested as the one he used earlier. “Hinowa told me ya-”
“What’s that?”
“Oh this? I bought-”
“Is it for me?”
“Well, I-”
“Gee, you really didn’t have to-” He was not able to finish that last part as a familiar sensation on his forehead interrupted him. He dislodged the kunai from its favorite spot and looked at her without changing his expression. “Will ya let me fini-”
“Why did you come here, Tsukuyo?”
Tsukuyo pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, annoyance building inside her. But this time, she did not bother throwing another kunai at him, because this time his tone was serious. “Why did you come to Yoshiwara?”
“Hmm.. Well..” Gintoki puts a hand under his chin and looked as if he was thinking deep. “After defeating those Amanto, and saving the world, I thought maybe seeing a pretty woman after being surrounded by ugly men for 17 months wouldn’t hurt. But hey, turns out, it did.” The sarcasm in his voice was not helping. She could feel his words prickling her skin. “I thought ya said yer not coming back to Yoshiwara.” Tsukuyo tried to make her voice as steady as possible. There was silence. He was no longer looking at her but at the street behind her.
“I came back to see if you were doing your job otherwise me leaving you would have been for nothing.” Tsukuyo’s eyes widened as those words escaped Gintoki’s mouth. He shifts his gaze back at her with such intensity that Tsukuyo could hear her own heart beat ringing in her ears. “And you did great, Tsukuyo. You’ve protected our friends. I knew you could do it.” Tears were forming in her eyes and she could feel a lump in her throat. She missed this. She missed him. “I know, I know. It’s my fault. What kind of idiot leaves his girlfriend behind and expects her to greet him with open arms….” Gintoki mumbled as he scratched the back of his head. There was another silence. Tsukuyo could not speak since she’s afraid she’d burst out crying if she tries to move a muscle. “Well, I heard you were getting married….” She winced at this and he could see the hurt in her eyes. Silence fell again between the two. Gintoki was about to back away and close the door between them, when Tsukuyo moved towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He was taken aback by her sudden move and was left to just stand still. He felt her sigh as she held him in her embrace. “Why did I ever fall in love with tha biggest idiot in this planet? If only I knew-”
Gintoki pulled away from her and put both his hands on her shoulders. “Tsukuyo, it’s okay. It’s not your fau-”
Tsukuyo puts both her hands on either side of Gintoki’s cheeks to stop him from talking. “Will ya shut up?” Gintoki nods and she smiles at his sandwiched face. “Hinowa musta’ve known that Kaori was goin’ ta ask me ta marry him and told ya about it when ya visited.” She paused. A tear slips from her right eye as she continued. “I saw ya, y'know. That night. And I wasn’t able ta keep my mind focused, that’s why when he asked me the question, I couldn’t answer him. I declined, and told him the truth. That I can’t marry him…… because he was not you. He wasn’t you, Gintoki.” Tears were rolling down her cheeks as Gintoki tries to wipe them away. She puts down both her hands to her sides and hears him chuckle. “You idiot.” And with that, she sees the grin she missed the most and feels his arms around her as he embrace her with all his might. “There’s no way in hell I’m gonna leave you ever again.”
Breakin’ down and coming undone
It’s a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that’s the way I loved you
Been sober for five days. Let me tell you kids, drugs are nice. Don’t listen to what people say....unless you’re underaged in which case. Wait till you’re legal.
