#becky problems

[swiftlyawarrior]

I am terribly over tired from stress of college and not sleeping but Taylor is online and I am HELLA THIRSTY.

[muffinninjafairy]

Have you ever felt so anxious that you feel nauseous . Like you hands shake so little but enough for you to not hold your phone correctly . Or to the point where you fumble your words and mess up every word . That's me

[muffinninjafairy]

My anxiety spiked up again . But this is not a random one like the first time. I just worried things will go the way it always does when I care too much for someone . It's most likely all in my head but when you've been part of the same pattern for so long you just can't help but think of the previous results that happened. Like my heart hasn't felt this way in a while and I'm just scared of what could happen . I just want to be given a chance

[jihunsdf]

i'm meeting my mum's boyfriend for the first time and i'd honestly rather be listening to k-pop rn

[muffinninjafairy]

For some reason i scratched myself in my sleep and did this.. I've never done this before and I remember dreaming about scratching something but to actually do it to myself is scary to me..

[muffinninjafairy]

I'm just tired of my brain not working . Not being able to respond properly like normal people do. I hate it so much. I just wanna hide and cry for days atm

[muffinninjafairy]

Is it bad that I forget I exist sometimes? Like I forget people know who I am , or forget that people like me? I don't mean it in any negative connotation , I just actually forget . When I space out and come back from it I forget I'm here for the time being and it's pretty scary . I forget sometimes that people are real too. Like I'll get a message and I'll remember that they are real. Idk I thought I'd share that

[muffinninjafairy]

You okay darling?

I wish I was

I'm heartbroken, stressed , and angry

My dad came in and I tried to tell him why I was crying and all he said was

> it's not fair to me

> you don't have pictures of me , do you not love me?

> after all I do for you

> you need to get over this sadness thing

> it's about your mom isn't it?

But before all that he lays on me and proceeded to shake me and annoy me til I talked and I couldn't speak not having the energy or couldn't stop crying

Can't he see I have chronic depression, can't he see I'm stressed, can't he see that I feel isolated in this family but Nooo it doesn't matter to him I'm just "being unfair and need to get over it"

I just want to r o t at this point