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Become an E V I L CREACHURE

you were someone else, before all this. it is easy being cruel to me. you killed the girl that loved me and you wear her body and you text your lovely new more-interesting friends and forget me at the new more-interesting parties and crack new more-interesting jokes “you had to be there for”. you smile over at me and you are smiling with all her teeth showing. you wear her voice to so casually rebuff me. remember when i was the first person in your call list. when we would stay up late watching netflix until we were sleep-drunk enough to think everything’s funny. when you’d invite me over for doing nothing so we could sit together in silence, my heart all humming. your laughter was a summer morning. you used to slip your hand into mine and you used to nuzzle my neck during hugs and you used to leave a little chapstick on the rim of your mug.

i know people grow up and grow apart. i know your life is a city block and mine is all snakegrass and pinecone. i know i wasn’t good enough to ever be your home. i know you are the charming heroine and going away and getting better and there is no room in me for anything but to wish you are happy. i know this is all good and a beautiful moment and just a fork in the road. trust me. i lie awake thinking this. it’s all that i know. but i can’t help the wonder that creeps at the back of my throat.

if i told you how i felt, would it have even changed a stone? i know you have to go. i just wanted you with me. i didn’t want to have to do this alone.

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