An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Day 7! Prom :)
Thank you so much to everyone who encouraged me throughout this week. I had a lot of fun writing these silly little stories, and I hope you enjoyed reading them! These two dorks mean a lot to me, and so do you all! I have more planned eventually, but I'm going to be taking a little break for Christmas.
Have a happy holidays with whatever you celebrate, and God bless!!
summary: haley has been avoiding you, and you don’t know why.
relationship: haley x female reader
word count: 2.4k
read on ao3!
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You would be lying to yourself if you said that you didn’t think Haley was the prettiest girl you had ever seen. With her curly golden locks and sparkling blue eyes, she was easily the star of the valley, and of your heart. When you first moved into the small oceanside town, she’d been nothing short of rude to you. Nothing outwardly mean , necessarily, but every interaction was made up of short remarks and passive-aggressive compliments. “Nice makeup. Wait... Are you even wearing any?” “Don't you get tired of running around on that farm all day, or whatever it is you do? I couldn't stand getting all dirty like that.”
Luckily, you were not one to back down so easily. You were used to mean girls, and you had learned long ago that being sickeningly nice to them usually did the trick. Besides, something about Haley struck you. Was she rude? A little bit. But you could tell there was something else there, something more. Some days you’d see her out taking photos around town, sometimes making her sister model for her.
So you gave her gifts. Coconuts you’d found in the desert, a slice of pink cake, a pretty sunflower from the farm. Each time she seemed surprised, but she softened a little bit more. You felt that you were making progress, albeit slowly. As mean as she was, you wanted to be her friend.
You’d heard around town about the things she and her sister Emily had gone through. They had been on their own for the past two years as their parents “traveled the world.” Apparently, they had never been around much before that anyways. You couldn’t help but feel bad for them. While they were both adults–Haley 21 and Emily 24–it couldn’t be easy to be without your parents for so long. And it wasn’t an excuse for Haley being so mean, but maybe it was an explanation.
You were taking your usual afternoon walk around Pelican Town. It was a brisk fall day, perfect to see all the foliage the seaside town had to offer. You had only been there for a few months, but you only needed a day to fall in love with the area. You were starting to understand why your grandfather loved it so much there.
As you strolled, the leaves crunching under your feet, memories began to flood back to you. Memories of visiting the farm as a child, of jumping in leaf piles and making scarecrows. Thanksgivings hosted in the old farmhouse– they were never large. You had no cousins, so holidays were always just you, your parents, and your grandfather. The attendance may have been small, but the company was good, and he always made enough food for ten times the amount of people that were there.
You wondered if you ever came across any of your now-friends as children. You always stayed on the farm, but perhaps one time you’d seen sisters playing in the town square, a girl reading under a tree, two boys and a girl playing in the river, a girl doing some kind of science project…
As you walked around the area of Marnie’s ranch, you were stopped by the sound of crying. Frowning, you started to approach the noise. As you rounded a tree, you saw the source of the noise: Haley, sitting on the dock by the small pond. Her face was in her hands, and her shoulders were shaking. She seemed to be trying to quiet her sobs, but to no avail.
“Haley?” You called. Immediately, she tensed up and the cries stopped. You walked down the length of the dock quickly, wood creaking. Just as you got close, she wiped her eyes and looked up at you. Mascara streaked down her pink cheeks, her eyes were red and puffy, and her hair was a mess.
“H-Hi,” she said, her voice shaking.
“What’s wrong?” You sat down beside her. She sniffled and wiped her cheeks. Black makeup stained her fingers, and she let out a laugh when she looked down at her hands. “You don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
For a while, you were both quiet. You weren’t going to make her speak, and at the moment it seemed like she didn’t want to. Haley stared at her feet, her breath still shaking as she tried to calm herself down. You knew that feeling too well; when you’re finished crying but you still can’t seem to breathe properly.
You don’t know how long the two of you sat there for, but soon there was a chill in the air. The warm afternoon was fading away. The only sounds were the wind whistling through the trees and squirrels running through the leaves, no doubt stockpiling for the bitter winter ahead. You had to do the same thing this time of year. It was one of the most important things your grandfather always told you he did: fall is the time to prepare for winter. Grow extra wheat for the animals, extra food for yourself so you don’t starve. Save up for some nice heaters for the barn and coop.
Haley shivered beside you. You looked at her, noting the way goosebumps raised on her smooth skin. Without a second thought, you shed your jacket and placed it on her shoulders. She murmured a soft thanks.
“It’s getting dark out,” you noted. This time of year was sad, for it got dark far too early for your liking. If you had to guess, which you were quite good at from time spent outside, it was barely even five o’clock. “Do you want me to walk you home?”
“Yes, sure,” she whispered. One of only three things she had said to you since you arrived. You stood up and offered her your hand. She took it and stood up. You couldn’t help but notice how cute she looked in your jacket. It was a warm one, meant for farming on cold days like this. It was dirty and stained. You’d think Haley would take it off with a, “ugh, gross” , but to your surprise, she pulled it tighter around her.
The short walk to 2 Willow Lane was filled with more silence. Haley didn’t say a word, but she didn’t need to. You knew that she appreciated your presence. She showed it by taking your hand and giving it a light squeeze. When you got to her door, she shed your jacket and handed it back to you.
“I’ll see you soon, okay?” You breathed.
“Okay.”
You didn’t talk to Haley again for a while after that. Every time you saw her, she seemed to avoid you. At the Spirit’s Eve festival, she stayed close to Alex the whole time, and when you said hi, she only gave you a brief “hey” back. Why she was avoiding you, though, you didn’t know. You sensed it had something to do with that afternoon by the lake and why she was crying.
Fall turned into winter, and the sun began to set even earlier. Darkness fell over Pelican Town by four o’clock, a far cry from the seven o’clock sunset of the summer months. Your livestock stayed inside their respective barns and coops, so you could no longer even wake up to their sound in the mornings. Due to the cold weather, you fell into a routine much more dull than your usual one. Walks around town became few and far between.
Often, you found Haley at the forefront of your mind. You rarely saw her anymore, but that didn’t stop her blue eyes and her laugh like a chime from plaguing your thoughts. You missed her, you’d admit, but there was nothing you could do. She didn’t want to see you, it seemed, so what could you do about it?
You weren’t a fan of the snow, so you had largely been trying to avoid leaving the farm. But you really needed a silo built, so you found yourself trekking up to Robin’s carpentry shop. After placing the order, you figured you might as well just walk through the town. Pelican Town was always pretty, but the lights wrapped around the lampposts made it even prettier this time of year. You moseyed along the walkways, humming softly to yourself as you admired the lights.
Then you saw her. Haley was standing outside of Alex’s house, giggling with him as he tossed his gridball up in the air. He was saying something–knowing him, probably something dumb–and Haley was laughing. Her cheeks were glowing from the cold, and her eyes sparkling with laughter. Your mother always told you that jealousy was a parasite, one that would find its way into your heart and burrow itself there. Now, you knew you had been infected.
You turned on your heel and went back to the farm.
Winter dragged along, but before you knew it it had been a year since you first moved to Pelican Town. On the morning of the first day of spring, you found a note stuck to your door:
Farmer (Y/N),
Come to the community center at 3PM!
Excitement bubbled up in your stomach. You had recently finished renovations on the community center, and you were beyond thrilled that it was going to good use. In the past year, you had seen so many improvements made on the town, entirely thanks to you. Your hard work had not gone to waste, it seemed.
You spent your morning cleaning out the farm, then headed to the community center at three. To your surprise, the lights looked like they were off. You frowned and opened the door, peeking your head in.
“Hello?” You called. As the words left your lips, all the lights turned on. The interior was decorated with various balloons and streamers, and there was a table full of food in the center. On the wall, there was a big banner that said: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
“Surprise!” Everyone yelled. You laughed in disbelief as you looked around at your friends and neighbors, those you had come to know and love over the past four seasons of your life. Around you, you saw everyone in town. Even Haley, who was currently avoiding all eye contact with you. Your heart sank a little, but it quickly rose up again when Alex ran over to you, hugging you tightly and lifting you in the air.
“Happy anniversary!” He yelled. “Can you believe it’s been a whole year since you moved here?!”
“We wanted to throw you a party to thank you for everything you’ve done for us,” Emily said, having appeared beside you. “You really saved this town.”
Over the next hour or so, you spent time talking to each and every one of your neighbors. Never in your life had you felt more appreciated and loved than in that moment. Everyone thanked you over and over again, but the one person you wanted to see was nowhere to be found.
“Hey, have you seen Haley?” You asked Emily. She was sitting in the little library section, talking and laughing with Caroline, Jodi, and Robin.
“I think I saw her go outside to get some fresh air,” Caroline said. Emily agreed with her, so outside you went. There, sitting on a park bench, was Haley. She was holding a daffodil in her hands, twirling it. Clearly, she was deep in thought.
Quietly, you walked over to the bench and sat beside her. “Hey, Haley.”
“Oh, hey,” she said. She didn’t look up at you. You let out a sigh.
“Why are you avoiding me?” You asked, point-blank. She perked up and, finally, for the first time in months, looked you in the eye.
“I-I’m not avoiding you!” She said quickly.
“Really? Because this is the first time you’ve looked me in the eye since–since that time by the lake in Cindersap Forest,” you said. She didn’t look upset before, but she did now. Haley was never the type to cry in front of people, but tears were filling her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I-I just, I…”
“You can tell me what’s wrong,” you urged. “If I did anything, I want to know.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” she said. “I promise.”
“Then what is it?”
For one nostalgic moment, you were both silent. After what felt like an eternity, she spoke. Her voice was shaking, and she had since looked back at the daffodil in her hands.
“I-I’ve always been so confident in myself, and who I am,” she explained. “My whole life, I’ve known who I am. In high school, I was a popular girl. Was I a little mean? Sure, but I think all teenage girls are. I had friends, even boyfriends. I have never once questioned myself until I met you. You’re just so…ugh!”
“You don’t like me?” You asked, heartbroken.
“No! God, no. I don’t not like you. That’s not it at all. I just…” she sighed. “For my entire life, I’ve dated men. But I don’t think I have ever been attracted to them. I’ve never felt about my boyfriends the way I feel about you. And you’re not even…you’re not my girlfriend. I’ve been avoiding you because I’m afraid, (Y/N). I’m afraid of how you make me feel.”
For a moment, it felt like the world stopped spinning. Time slowed to a complete stop. The only people that existed, at that moment, were you and Haley. You didn’t know what to say. All you could do was sit there, mouth open in shock.
“I love you,” she said softly. Tears threatened to spill out onto her cheeks. You cupped her cheek with your hand and, instead of responding, you kissed her. She seemed shocked for a moment, too frozen to reciprocate, but after a minute she melted into it. Her lips tasted like strawberries, and her skin smelled of coconut and jasmine. She was soft, softer than you could have ever imagined, and you realized you loved her back .
You had loved her all along. You loved her soft golden hair and her sparkling blue eyes, you loved her laugh like a chime and all those snide remarks she made to you when you first met. Even though she hadn’t spoken a word to you in two months, you loved her.
You pulled out of the kiss, pressing your forehead against hers.
Additional Tags: camila and lilith's relationship thru the eyes of ava and beatrice, self indulgent world building, Post canon, Post Holy War
Series: Part 3 of a devil at the crossroads
Description: Beatrice sees Lilith fall and thinks there is nothing more beautiful than someone finding what they thought was lost. Ava sees Lilith fall and thinks that of all the miracles she’s seen, this is perhaps the most miraculous of all.
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Ava doesn’t hear what Camila says in response, busy grabbing her sword from where they keep it tucked away with the umbrellas in the front closet, but when she emerges, Beatrice is hanging up the phone and ready to go.
“What’d Camila say?”
“That Lilith called her, told her that she loved her, and then passed out,” Beatrice exhales.
Ava stops dead, processing several things very quickly considering the circumstances, and then eventually nods. “That about tracks with Lilith’s level of emotional maturity.”
Bea snorts as she holds open the door, distracted momentarily from her panic. “I don’t think you’re one to talk about improperly timed I love yous.”
“That was one time! I was gonna die! Give me a break!”
~ This fic was inspired by the song of the same name by Chiodos ~
Description: Eren wasn't as oblivious as everyone thought - Mikasa's feelings for him were perfectly clear to him. However, it seemed that everyone around him was very oblivious to how he felt about his best friend... even if he could never let her know.
Set in canonverse, leading to a slightly different way more smutty version of Chapter 123, but don't expect a happy ending. Tagging: @kirsteiiins because she's awesome.
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 7.6K
CW: : Smut, I guess?; Angst; Mentions of death and violence; Manga spoilers!
Link to AO3
I see her smile in her sleep
I know that she's a dreamer
I follow every move she makes
If you asked anyone in the Survey Corps, and even before that in the Scouts Regiment, everyone would have told you that Mikasa Ackerman was hopelessly in love with Eren Jaeger… which was too bad, since the boy seemed to have nothing but killing titans on his mind. He was constantly barking at her, taking her kindness for Mikasa simply being annoyingly overbearing, and didn’t shy away from snapping at her for it. Eventually, Armin tentatively came up to him one night and suggested he have a conversation with the girl to let her know that her affections were misplaced. Gently, Armin emphasized, knowing how much it would hurt her and how tactless his best friend tended to be. It made Eren blush furiously; he did run hotter than a normal human being due to his Titan powers, but he could have sworn his whole head was on fire. He was just glad that it was dark outside and his best friend’s keen eye couldn’t make out the color of his cheeks as Eren just hummed noncommittally during Armin’s speech, then scoffed at his words. He stammered something about how Mikasa only saw him as a brother, and changed the subject, with no intention of adhering to the blonde’s advice in any way, shape or form. Neither of them was sure who he was trying to convince.
I know that this is the last thing on your mind, Eren, but what you’re doing is unkind to her and Mikasa deserves better, Eren recalled Armin’s voice as he watched the girl in question, holding back a smile. Levi’s squad was traveling from Trost to the port, and with the railway still a few months away from being completed, they had to go by horse and camp out for the night in a cabin that belonged to Flegel Reeves. They were currently setting the table for dinner, and she was humming absentmindedly before she abruptly stopped and scurried off to the other side of the room… only to return with a bundle of flowers she had picked off the side of the forest path they had traversed early that morning – she was probably the only human on Earth who wasn’t scared of angering Levi; she just hopped off her horse, crouched down, and started plucking flowers from the ground while he snarked at her to stop “farting around” and get going, and Eren had to suppress a chuckle at the scene. He had almost forgotten about his own task of hunting down enough plates and mugs for the entire squad until she looked up at him, probably because she felt him staring. He hurriedly averted his eyes and turned his body back towards the stupidly high cabinet to hide his blush, stretching as he felt around the wooden boards and grabbing what felt like ceramic. With a triumphant little “hah!”, he pulled down a stack of plates and turned around only to find Mikasa watching him; he wondered for a second if he should maybe listen to Armin after all. She quickly shifted her own gaze, her usual stoic mask on, but he had still caught the look on her face just before that, and it was nothing short of… Adoring didn’t do it justice, but his vocabulary was limited when it came to matters of the heart. He suddenly realized just how domestic the scene was, and what that must be doing to her. While she may be as skilled as a hundred soldiers, and damn good at pretty much anything she did, he knew this was a piece of the kind of life she craved the most. Maybe he really was being a selfish, unkind monster in more ways than one.
Because as observant as they were when it came to Mikasa’s feelings for him, what Levi’s Squad never seemed to notice was the way his own heartbeat would pick up whenever she entered the room. They never noticed how his face flushed when her hands brushed his whenever she took pails of water or wooden boards or whatever else he carried from him to alleviate his burden in any way she could. They had no idea that he snapped at her, not because he was annoyed or still jealous of her abilities, but out of concern, since she was always so busy taking care of him and everyone else, she never took proper care of herself. None of them ever seemed to catch his longing stares and, thankfully, no one ever caught him in the dead of night, when his mind was consumed with the fantasies the sight of Mikasa provoked, and he convinced himself it was her hand or her tongue stroking his aching length.
Eren had taken over watch duties with Armin while she fell asleep next to the fire they had built, her need to be close to him overwhelming even her desire for a comfortable resting place. When she didn’t follow Sasha to the cabin and instead shut her eyes right where she was sitting, she had said she wanted to stay because she was cold and didn’t want to leave the heat of the flames. Of course, she never said it was because she wanted to stay with him, because she knew that he would inevitably argue with her, but Eren knew and decided to stay silent. He was so painfully aware that he would not have many more opportunities to see her look peaceful as he snuck glances at her sleeping form while Armin babbled on about something Onyankopon had told him about his home country’s landscape – he didn’t register a word his best friend was saying, and he felt bad, because he was sure it was as interesting and smart as anything Armin has ever said. However, all he could think about was how Mikasa’s sleeping position looked uncomfortable, so he bundled up his coat and made a makeshift bed on the ground for her. She squirmed and her eyes fluttered open for a second when he tried to lay her down gently, but she quickly fell back asleep, with a small smile on her face.
And no one knew just how much his heart ached at the sight, wishing he could give her everything she had always dreamed of, could always give her comfort, and peace and stability and, most importantly, all the love that was threatening to make his heart burst out of his chest. No one knew that he never openly and decisively rejected her, not because he really didn’t believe that she loved him like that, as he always argued when confronted, but because he could not bear the thought of her looking at another man the way she looked at him. He could not, for the life of him, reconcile with the idea that Mikasa, his Mikasa, would shed the mask and be soft and loving and devoted to someone else.
Well, when he turned to look back at Armin, his best friend gave him a smug smile, and maybe one person did know. But still, Armin had no idea how right he had been about Eren being unkind and undeserving… and yet, he couldn’t find it within himself to forgo his selfish desires completely. Not yet.
It's been a long, long night
Say you're mine, say you're mine
Can I keep you tonight?
He had no idea what had gotten into him. He had never planned on doing this – well, to be fair, he had definitely thought about it, or more like fantasized about how she would tell him that she wanted him, how he would crash his lips against hers, what they would taste like, what she would feel like in his arms, pressed against him…
But he had never planned on the words actually leaving his lips, hoping for an answer that would allow him to cross that line and leave everything behind once and for all. He was so, so tired already, and the fight hadn’t even started yet. And then Mikasa had come to him with her ice cream cone, her eyes shining like they used to when they would play-pretend being Armin’s mom and dad when they were children, and he had tasted the sweet treat that had just been in her mouth, and she had looked so lovely and soft and relaxed for once and… he knew, he could not leave her behind without exploring the possibility, without making completely sure whether his fantasies could actually become reality or not. If he didn’t, he wasn’t sure he would have the resolve to do what needed to be done with no regrets.
So when she came to find him, crying at the knowledge of what he had to do as he stared at the low light emitting from the refugee camp, knowledge that had been plaguing him for three years, feeling weak and exhausted beyond words, he couldn’t stop the awkward question from tumbling from his lips.
“What am I to you?”
As she blushed and her grey eyes started to shimmer despite the lack of light, he wondered if his own betrayed how much he wanted her to say he was… her everything, her most beloved, wanted her to ask him to follow her to the ends of the world, just the two of them. That she was his, and his alone. And in turn, he would take her hand and lead her away, away from all the war and death and show her that he had always been hers.
We dance around just like constellations
You keep my body warm
And we dance around just like constellations
You're keeping me awake at night
You make my body warm
Eren had known earlier that, had they not been interrupted, Mikasa might have elaborated on her answer. She might even have corrected herself, retracted the dreaded f-word that had left her lips, might have told him what he wanted to hear. Maybe she would have added that by “family”, she meant the type of family that husbands and wives made up. Or maybe he would have found the guts and the selfishness to fess up in spite of her answer. But alas, it wasn’t meant to be, and it seemed the path he was on was truly the only one available to him.
He would take what he could get before he began the hardest and last journey of his life, though. He indulged in one last night of fun with his friends and the refugees… The kindest strangers he had ever met, willingly sharing their limited supplies with them, and he knew he would crush them under his feet in just a few months. Thankfully, the liquor they were served helped a great deal in repressing that knowledge, at least for tonight.
And when his teal eyes blinked open sluggishly as he awoke from his drunken slumber, he indulged in the warm feeling of Mikasa pressed close to him. Her alcohol-addled breath came out in hot and steady puffs as it fanned across his cheek. When he turned his face to look at her, her lips were so close to his, and he had to close his eyes and swallow hard at the pain that the sight instilled in his racing heart. He clenched his fists against the tears pooling in the corners of his eyes once again, and an unbidden hiccup spilled from his lips, startling the black-haired beauty beside him awake. Silently, he cursed the lightness of her sleep before he twisted his head away from her.
“Eren…?” she murmured, her hand leaving his lapel to rub at her sleep-crusted eyes. “Are you okay?”
“It’s the middle of the night. Go back to sleep, Mikasa…” he murmured, surprised and perturbed at how hoarse his voice sounded.
“We should go back to our beds. This isn’t good for your back.”
Her warmth from beside him disappeared as she gracefully stood up. He took a deep breath, willing the tears away, and took her outstretched hand to help him to his feet. The moment their hands touched, he felt something like an electric current pass through him, and by the quiet gasp she emitted, he was sure she must have felt it too. He looked down at her face, his eyes boring into hers, feeling and conveying an intensity of emotions he hadn’t allowed himself to indulge in since that fateful medal ceremony. Mikasa simply stared back, the silence between them growing heavier, until he broke it with a soft, “c’mon, then,” and led her outside, never letting go of her hand.
And I fall for her, like snow from the sky
Gracefully I land in her arms
They arrived in front of the room Kiyomi had organized for Mikasa. They all had plush, comfortable beds, but when she opened the door and turned on the electric lights, he saw the woman had decided to splurge on Mikasa specifically. Her bed was twice as big as his, and the décor looked both cozy and pricey, not almost bare like his room.
“Eren… would you come in for a second?” She looked down at the floor when she asked the question, shuffling her feet nervously. They still hadn’t let go of each other. Ignoring his, once again, racing heartbeat, he nodded and pulled her inside with him. They both sat on the bed and finally disentangled their hands.
“Eren, I’ve noticed, uhm…” She was nervous, and Eren really couldn’t blame her. He had never been the most pleasant person to have serious conversations with, and judging by her behavior, this was definitely going to be a serious conversation. He mentally steeled himself for all the lies he would probably have to tell her.
“What, Mikasa?” His tone was supposed to be harsh, but it came out soft, almost alluring, and seemed to encourage her to continue.
“I’ve noticed how… depressed you’ve been all day. And then, you asked me those questions and… are you sure you’re okay?”
Inhale slowly. Exhale even more slowly. Dig your nails into your palms until you bleed. Hurt yourself, just don’t hurt her, he reminded himself, because really, all he wanted to do was curl up in her lap and cry about how much he just wanted to stop existing, to find a way to escape all the pressure. He wanted to wail and scream about how unfair everything was. Instead, what he said was, “Of course I’m okay, Mikasa.”
He had never been good at repressing his emotions, but over the last three years, he had learned a lot.
“Why did you ask me those questions, though? It was so… unlike you.” She had started fiddling with her fingers, and he could see her cheeks had turned red again. He didn’t answer as he studied her delicate features, because he had no good one; he thought – hoped, really – the interruption would have been it, and she would pretend it never happened.
Suddenly, she turned her head to look him straight in the eyes, and despite the blush still staining her face, determination shone in those onyx irises. “Were you hoping for a different answer? Because I think you know –“
He hushed her with his lips before she could say anything else. He had no idea what came over him, but with the electric current running down his spine once more, with the gasp she emitted, the way she grasped at his shoulders and with how his hands automatically found the sides of her face, tilting to the side to deepen the kiss, taste her sweetness even more intensely, he couldn’t regret it or overthink it.
Just one more piece of heaven before he had to throw himself into hell. Was that too much to ask?
Mikasa suddenly pulled away, her lips swollen and eyes glazed over. “Eren, what – why – I…”
He put a finger to her mouth. “Just for tonight… can’t we just… be?” His eyes were the clearest green, with specks of blue intermingling, a glimmer of hope he thought he had lost forever reflected in them. Mikasa herself studied him with that special look reserved just for him, making his chest swell, and nodded.
So when he leaned in to kiss her once more, they silently decided talking could wait for the next day. Her hands wandered to his hair, longer than she had ever seen it, and pulled a little. A gasp escaped Eren’s lips and she took the opportunity to slide their tongues together, both of them moaning at the sensation. His fingers flew down to her waist to pull her closer as heat began to pool in his abdomen.
Their tongues danced as they fought for dominance, Mikasa’s intoxicating taste overwhelming Eren’s senses. Her hands wandered down from where they were still entangled in his hair to grapple at the buttons of his jacket, pulling it off his shoulders and throwing it… somewhere, neither of them cared. She caressed up and down his back, feeling the muscle ripple below the fabric of his thin shirt. Eren pulled Mikasa’s bottom lip between his teeth and sucked on it lightly, and when a moan wandered from her mouth into his, another spark ran down his spine. He felt himself growing stiffer by the second, and without even thinking about it, he started playing with the buttons on Mikasa’s soft pink shirt, slowly working his way up as he opened them to reveal more of her skin.
“Eren…” she whispered against his mouth, causing him to pull back. Please don’t reject me now, he prayed silently, I need you so much, although what came out of his mouth was, “sorry, I never – is this okay? We can stop anytime…”
Her grey eyes were hooded, and she was almost on top of him, with how much closer he had pulled her, and she was a beautiful sight to behold, her upper body only clad in the pink shirt that had caught at her elbows and her bra, her chest heaving and her skin already flushed. She shook her head. “No, I…”
Suddenly, she was straddling his waist and pushed him down on the bed, shrugging out of her shirt and letting it fall to the floor behind them. “I’ve been wanting this for so long…” She took his hand, which he only now noticed was trembling, and ran it up her defined abs to her covered breast. Her voice was breathy, but her tone determined, when she continued. “Take me.”
Something inside of Eren snapped. With a growl, he pulled her down on top of him and, arms wrapped tightly around her, flipped them over so he was pressing her into the mattress with his entire weight. Their mouths clashed together, all initial insecurity replaced with hunger as they bit and sucked at each other’s lips, licked into each other’s mouths, exploring every millimeter they could reach. Eren’s clothed hips rutted against hers, and the only coherent thought in his mind was more, he needed more.His lips traveled to her neck, and he bit down experimentally, relishing in the moan Mikasa gifted him with.
“Do that again,” she whined, and he was happy to oblige, suckling and biting and eliciting the same response a few more times. He was painfully hard by now, and he moved on instinct when he made his way down her torso, continuing his ministrations. He pulled one of her breasts out of the confines of her bra, and licked over the pebbled, pink nipple.
“Fuck!” she cried out, her back lifting at the new sensation.
“Oh, you like that?” Eren grinned against her sternum as he made his way over to the other side, but her hand against his head stopped him.
“Wait-“ She forced him back on his knees as she sat up and reached behind her back. Eren was confused for a moment, until she pulled her arms free of the bra straps and let the garment join her shirt and his jacket. He was so busy staring at her beautiful chest, wondering if he should resist or succumb to the urge to bury his face in it, he barely registered when she murmured, “You too,” copying his movements from earlier as she unbuttoned his shirt, although she was doing it considerably faster than him. She stared at his newly exposed skin just as unabashedly as he had been looking at her, an expression of pure want etched onto her face.
The sight made Eren unfreeze from his position, pushing Mikasa to lay back down and letting his fingers graze over the soft mounds, not wasting a lot of time before he let his mouth join in. He squeezed and licked and sucked, alternating between each tit and catching the hard nubs between his teeth. He did his best to ignore the way his cock was throbbing, to ignore how badly he just wanted to bury and lose himself inside the gorgeous woman beneath him, how much he wanted to know which sounds of pleasure he could coax from her beautiful, moaning mouth when she was filled with him. Because more than that, he wanted her to enjoy herself. He couldn’t help feeling that, if he could just watch and listen to her come undone, he wouldn’t mind if he never found his own release.
With that thought, he trekked further south, the tip of his tongue tracing the dip in her abs until he reached the waistband of her skirt. He looked up at her for any sign she was uncomfortable after all, but all she did was smile and nod once more. “I said take me, and I meant it,” she panted, and without further ado, Eren pulled down both her skirt and underwear in one swift motion. He kept his eyes on her face, lest he lose all composure, as he rid himself of his own pants and boxers so there would be no more interruptions, no more barriers to overcome. Only then did he allow his eyes to wander.
The sight of strong, collected Mikasa laid bare in front of him did something to him. It wasn’t even just the way she took in his own naked body with so much desire, pupils dilating when they reached his throbbing length like she was starving for him – the knowledge that he was the only one who had ever seen her this vulnerable, the only one she trusted so much she would give herself over to him without a second thought, made him feel like he was on top of the world. It made his eyes sting, and his own appetite reached new heights. He found himself salivating as he pulled her legs over his shoulders and his head dived down to bury his face in the crease of her inner thigh. He peppered kisses up and down and back up before he became overwhelmed with holding back and let the flat of his tongue run up her slit. Her thighs tensed and she cried out, hands flying into his hair much like earlier, and that was all the encouragement he needed to keep going. He licked back down, to where she was dripping, and hardened the tip of his tongue to thrust it inside, pushing and licking in and out of her, relishing in her taste. Mikasa pulled on his hair as another whine left her lips, and he couldn’t hold back the groan escaping his own throat. His cock was literally aching for some friction, but he was sure he wouldn’t last once he was inside her if he touched himself now, so he ignored the urge to stroke himself. Instead, he moved his lips and tongue up a little to lick and suck on the little bundle of nerves above her entrance and let his fingers join in, circling her before he pushed one in slowly. It slipped in easily, her wet heat wrapped around the digit, and his length twitched between his legs, begging to replace it.
“Eren…!” she gasped, her hips starting to move in time with his finger and tongue. “More, please…”
“Greedy, aren’t you?” he teased breathlessly and added another finger, thrusting them in and out of her while he continued to lick and periodically suck on her clit. Her sweet smell and taste and the way she moaned and dug her nails into his shoulders, her legs clenching around him, was slowly chipping away at any semblance of self-control he was hoping to maintain.
“I’m – ah – not – Eren! Oh my God, Eren, I –“ She cried out, her hips lifting and her grip on his shoulders and around his fingers tightening as all the muscles in her body tensed. Eren continued to lick and finger her through her release, until she slumped back down, and her breathing started to slow. He pulled his fingers out of her and locked eyes with her as he lapped them clean off her juices, watching her flush deepen at the lewd action. He moved his body back up, caging her between his elbows and trapping her beneath him once more, and pushed his tongue into her mouth, letting her taste herself.
“I assume that was good?” he asked in between kisses.
“Unbelievable, but… I still want more,” she confessed, so quietly he almost didn’t catch it. Her calloused hand reached down between them and found his cock, giving it a couple of experimental pumps.
“Don’t,” Eren gasped into her mouth. “I won’t last…”
“That’s okay…” Mikasa started, but Eren didn’t let her finish, ripping her hand off himself and slamming it into the mattress beside her head. He did the same thing with her other hand that sought to replace the touch, and held them there, interlacing their fingers.
“No, it’s not,” he gritted out between clenched teeth. He pressed his forehead against hers, and, with a softer voice, continued, “I want this to be perfect for you.” Their lips locked once again as he rubbed his length over her folds until it caught on her entrance, and he finally pushed inside of her. Green eyes clenched shut at the feeling of Mikasa’s silky warmth enveloping the head of his cock, and her fingers squeezed his hands at the intrusion. She broke their kiss with a drawn-out moan of Eren’s name.
With every ounce of self-restraint that he had left, Eren forced himself to slow down instead of just sinking into her completely in one hard motion, like he so desperately wanted to. He felt the way she sucked him in, inch by inch, to his bones, making him shudder and bury his face in her neck to muffle the pathetic whine he couldn’t hold back. His hips stilled when he finally bottomed out.
“Feels so good,” he choked out. “God, Mika, you’re so tight…”
Mikasa placed a kiss behind his ear and wrapped her legs around his waist. Next thing he knew, she thrust her hips up, making his cock move in her, and making Eren gasp again.
“Fuck me,” she breathed against the shell. “Don’t you dare hold back.”
Something feral awakened in Eren at her words, and much like earlier, he found himself growling as he pulled almost all the way out and thrust himself back in hard. Mikasa cried out and Eren felt her head turn away from him to the other side. “Like that?” he hissed, repeating the motion again and again and pushing her hands and forearms harder into the mattress. He pulled his head up to look at her and their eyes met, hers almost black with desire.
“Yes – yes – make me yours,” she sobbed. He swooped down to catch her lips in a kiss and began fucking into her fast and hard, letting his animalistic side take over. Her soft breasts were crushed against his chest, and he felt her hardened nipples brush against his as he moved inside her wet, silky heat, her walls embracing him like she never wanted to let him go. With every push inside, Mikasa cried out against his open, panting mouth, and he used the sounds he ripped from her throat as fuel to hold on just a little longer, to keep that coil in his abdomen from bursting, knowing that after tonight, he might never get the chance to bring her pleasure ever again. If there had ever been a time to show he had perseverance, he thought, it was now.
Her legs fell from his waist, and Eren took the opportunity to take a hold of the left one and hook it over his shoulder. He wasn’t sure what compelled him, but when he was suddenly even deeper inside Mikasa and the woman positively screamed beneath him at the new angle, he knew it had been a good idea. He hooked her other leg over his other shoulder and let his strokes become long and deep, putting as much force behind them as he could.
“Oh God, Eren, yes! Right there, just like that, yes!”
Mikasa was writhing under him, eyes screwed shut and throwing her head from side to side as a string of her sobs and screams tumbled from her lips, echoing through the room. Her breasts were jiggling with every one of Eren’s thrusts, and her hands flew to his chest, nails digging in and scratching down his torso. Tears started to leak from the corners of her eyes as she forced them open to lock with his. Eren was bathed in sweat by this point, both from the exertion of the act and holding back. Just a tiny bit longer, he told himself, even as the heat in his lower body threatened to burn him up from the inside. He let go of one of her legs and let his thumb rub over the bundle of nerves, slick with the same desire that was coating his length.
“Oh, fuck… Eren – Eren!” Mikasa chanted and suddenly, she became even tighter, her walls clenching around him as she wailed his name over and over, sucking him in even deeper, and the dam inside him burst. He shuddered and his skin broke out in goosebumps. Letting his body fall on top of hers, his hips twitched once, twice as he released himself and painted her insides white with his cum, her name like a prayer on his lips.
Mikasa reached up with a trembling hand to stroke his hair. He turned to face her fully and caught her lips with his own. When they broke apart for air, a smile blossomed on her beautiful face. The brightness of it put the rays of sunshine beginning to permeate through the curtains to shame, and he couldn’t help but return it with his own.
They didn’t exchange any words as they reveled in the aftermath of their lovemaking, nor when they got up to get cleaned up. They remained silent, afraid to break the spell, as they climbed back into bed, Eren wrapping Mikasa up in his arms and drawing random patterns into whatever part of her skin he could reach. Eventually, her breathing slowed down, and Eren thought she had succumbed to the exhaustion, until he heard her whisper “I love you” into his skin so quietly, he wasn’t sure he was supposed to hear. And as much as he ached to return the sentiment…
It was easier to pretend he hadn’t.
But I melted away like snow into the ground
I told her I've gotta go, I've gotta go
Eren had no idea how he would find the strength to go through with leaving Mikasa behind after last night. She had fallen into a peaceful slumber after their… activities, a flush still on her face and continuing down all the way to her cleavage. Eren, on the other hand, remained restless. He went over everything again in his head – how she had blinked at him lazily, a blissful smile he had never seen from her before curving her mouth upwards, the same mouth that had been singing him praises in the shape of sweet sighs and wanton moans just minutes before, the same mouth from which his name had spilled over and over again in soft cries and literal screams as she came undone beneath him. He pulled her closer, his chest against her back, and buried his face in her hair, inhaling deeply, trying to commit her scent and the feel of her skin against his to his jumbled memory, just in case, but… He couldn’t go.
So now, Eren was hoping against hope that the conference today would go differently from what he had seen. He would not steal away after what Mikasa and he had just shared; how was he supposed to break her heart like that? How would he find the strength to deny both her and himself? How could he accept that he would never have her like this again? Not just her body, but her heart and soul laid bare for him? How could he leave and accept that one day, she might show the same vulnerability to another man? Might gift her heart to someone else? As he stroked over her bare arm, Eren was aware his thoughts were in the very least unfair and selfish, bordering on possessive, and in some ways even sexist, and he would never voice them out loud, but he couldn’t help feeling this way in his weak moments, when his guard was down. Armin was like a brother to him, and he could not stomach the thought of losing him. It was Armin’s dream that inspired him to venture outside the walls in the first place. But Mikasa – no matter what life threw at him, he knew that as long as she was with him, he could survive anything. She was the reason he continued to move forward.
If you want to save Mikasa, and Armin… and everyone else… you have to complete your mission.
The words rang clearly in his ears, like Kruger had just said them to him instead of his father decades ago. It was an unpleasant reminder, and Eren had to restrain himself from yelling back at no one, why me? I just want to be with her. Let me be with her!
Mikasa stirred in his grip and groaned quietly. She jumped slightly at the sight of a tan arm wrapped around her waist, but quickly regained her composure when she remembered what happened last night, and another one of those blissful smiles stretched her cheeks as she turned around in Eren’s strong hold and looked up at him lovingly.
“Good morning,” she whispered and pecked the corner of his mouth. Eren couldn’t hold back the grin blooming on his own face.
“A very good morning indeed.” His hand reached up to stroke over the scar on her cheek, like he could remove the mark if he poured enough love into his touch. I don’t want to hurt her anymore.
“Do you think the others are back yet?” Her fingers traced random patterns against his chest and abdomen. Eren couldn’t suppress the shiver her touch elicited.
“It’s still early, and they were really drunk…” He pushed her on her back and rolled on top of her. Her legs wrapped around his waist as if on autopilot, and her eyes were heavy-lidded not with sleep, but lust. For him, and only him. The thought went both to his head and his hardening length, and he grinded against her. His mouth found her neck, tracing soft kisses up the sensitive area until it reached her ear. “We have time…” he murmured. One of his hands wandered down the expanse of her torso, stopping shortly to squeeze her soft breast and rub at the hardened nub before continuing his trek down south. This time, it was him who coaxed a shiver and a moan from her.
“Eren… Please…” she whined, and the sound sent a pang to his gut. Eren’s long, slender fingers found her folds, already slick with her desire, and he groaned.
“So wet already… Is that what I do to you, princess?” His voice was deep and gravelly. Two of his fingers easily slipped into her, looking for the spot from last night while he rubbed against the swollen nub above her entrance with his palm. Mikasa gasped and started moving her hips in rhythm with his movements. He took in the expression on her face, her furrowed brow, her luscious pink lips slightly open as she panted softly; her cute nose, and the blush spreading over her milky skin; her beautiful eyes, silver with unshed tears…
“More, please…” She begged. “Want you inside me again, please…” Eren’s quip about how he was technically inside her died on his tongue at the desperate look in those glittering irises. It was almost like she knew, he thought as he pulled his fingers out. He felt the same desperation take a hold of him, a different kind of desperation than the hunger they’d already succumbed to. This was about making every second they could steal together count. Just in case, his mind repeated, just in case this was the last time.
His mouth captured hers and he licked at the seam of her lips, begging for entrance, morning breath be damned. Mikasa seemed to think the same thing, tangling her tongue with his in a passionate dance and rutting her hips up against his pelvis in an attempt to get some friction. Never breaking their embrace, she rolled them to their sides, her legs still wrapped around him. Her hand took a hold of his cock and, bringing her hips closer to his, she guided it to her entrance and thrust down until he was fully sheathed inside of her.
They moaned against each other’s mouths, breaking the kiss. Their lips remained touching as they opened their eyes. Eren’s emerald irises locked with Mikasa’s silver ones, and he began to move, thrusting languidly and watching even the tiniest twitch in her facial muscles as a symphony of her moans broke through the silence of the room, accompanied by his own heavy breathing.
Remembering the effect from last night, Eren moved his hand down to the leg he could reach, and hiked it up a little. It seemed to do the trick as Mikasa’s lids screwed shut and she threw her head back with a cry. He took in the way her long, thick eyelashes rested against her cheeks, and his arm wrapped around her back to bring her even closer, crushing her against him. He could feel the goosebumps on her skin, every knob on her spine as he caressed it, her wetness spreading over his pelvis as she rubbed against it with every push. Despite the desperation they both felt, they were unhurried, taking their time to savor each touch. And he committed all to his memory, certain that even after he died, the memories and the feeling of it wouldn’t.
When she came in his arms, it wasn’t with the same screams as last night – this time, she cried out his name softly, her face buried in his neck as she tensed up, her walls milking his own release from him once again, making him groan and shudder in turn before they gradually relaxed in each other’s hold. She leaned in for a short, sweet kiss before they continued to just stare at each other, drinking each other in. His hand came up to stroke her cheek, and she nuzzled into it, giving it a peck, eliciting an adoring smile from the green-eyed man.
Suddenly, they heard voices pass by Mikasa’s room and a knock on her door.
“Mikasa? Are you in there?” It was Hange. Eren hid his face in Mikasa’s neck and groaned quietly, this time out of frustration. Then, he had an idea, and with a smirk, he began to give the skin little kitten licks, making the girl squirm and giggle.
“Yes, Hange,” she called back, trying to sound normal, “but please don’t come in right now, I just got out of the shower and I’m not decent.”
The doorhandle was halfway down already, the door almost creaking open, but at Mikasa’s request, Hange let go and left it closed.
“Alright, just… meet us in the kitchen in 15 minutes, okay?”
“Okay!” Mikasa called back.
“You too, Eren!” With that, they heard Hange’s footsteps retreat.
The pair looked at each other with wide eyes. Maybe 15 minutes would have been enough to enjoy each other’s closeness some more, maybe even go for another round, but with the knowledge that Hange somehow knew, they scrambled up to clean themselves up and get dressed as quickly as possible. Mikasa left a couple of minutes ahead of Eren, so as not to make anyone else suspicious, and when Eren joined the squad a few minutes later, no one seemed to give them any strange looks or made any comments. It seemed like, thankfully, Hange hadn’t told anyone, and they made sure to keep some distance between them so as not to rouse any suspicions. Mikasa sat next to a groaning Sasha for breakfast, who was grabbing her head but still shoving copious amounts food into her mouth, and he sat with Levi and Armin as they went over his security for today’s outing.
When they arrived at the lecture hall later, they still left a couple of spaces between them. As Eren listened to a man’s impassioned speech about Eldian rights, which explicitly excluded him and his “island devil” friends, he was both glad for the distance and felt hollow at the same time.
But somehow, he had always known that the kind of life he wanted for Mikasa and himself, the life she had been dreaming about since they were naïve children, was never meant to be. Maybe that was why he had been dragging his feet and had never confessed to her how he felt. Maybe he wasn’t even supposed to have last night or this morning. But he could use it to strengthen his resolve – because, his strongest and perhaps most selfish desire, was for Mikasa to live a long and happy life, regardless of what role he got to play in it.
And so, he fought the magnetic pull begging him to stay by her side, and quietly left to fulfill the mission he had been given long before he was even born.
It's been a long, long night
You said you were mine
I felt so bad but I had to go
No she never wanted me to leave her behind
No she never wanted me to leave her
“I want to share your burden.”
Mikasa’s voice echoed in his head. Even after telling her she was a slave and that he had hated her forever, beating up Armin, not to mention the people he killed in Liberio, Sasha… And now, he was literally trying to kill every living being in the world besides the residents of Paradise.
He thought that maybe, at least that night they had shared, and his subsequent disappearance, might have stirred up some resentment in her. The war wasn’t personal, so he could see how she might be able to justify his actions, but that… had been deeply personal. He had basically taken her heart and stomped on it until it was dust, just like the titans under his control were flattening the earth. He tried to make her believe he had only used her body, and that the only passion he had for her was anger and disgust, his own heart threatening to pound out of its cage with how loudly it was screaming at him for the obvious lie. But her devotion to him… her love for him knew no bounds. It transcended time and space and circumstance. It was the only constant he had left, the only thing that still made sense to his muddled mind. It was as certain as the rise of the moon and the sun and the stars, as the ebb and flow of the sea.
Just as certain as his untimely demise.
Here she was, still offering her unwavering support. She acknowledged all the worst parts of him, all the cruelty and the stench of death, and still loved him. After everything, still, still, all she dreamed of was a quiet, peaceful life by his side, and if she couldn’t get the quiet and peaceful part, she would settle for him simply being there. And although every fiber of his being was screaming at him that he wanted the same, it was too late, and he had to let her go. He had to make her let him go.
But would it be so bad to make her happy one last time before he did? This was literally his last chance to be honest with her. And was it so bad that he wanted to defy his cruel fate and feel happy, be free at least one more time, before he succumbed to it?
Eren looked to the side at the small blonde girl, and she nodded, allowing him to use her powers to give into his selfishness before his final moments.
Suddenly, he was transported back to that night, to their conversation in the dim lights of the refugee camp, and he let them live in the reality of what might have been had her answer been slightly different, had there been no interruptions, had he finally taken her hand and just given in and followed her into her dream.
So long, so long,
And we dance around just like constellations
We dance around just like constellations
We dance around, we dance around,
You make my body warm,
You make my body warm.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
"We’re lucky that we’re neighbors. The Nijimura residence might be large, but it’s pretty vacant. (And also in ruins, kinda, which is totally definitely not my fault at all whatsoever. Completely out of my hands). My bedroom is on the first story of my own house, and it’s just my mom and I. So if the guy ever needs it all he has to do is sound that stupid knock on my window so I can come and usher him in. Welcome to paradise. We’ve got video games, big t-shirts, string-cheese sometimes, plenty of hair products, and a big comfy bed to sleep and masturbate in. That last part is VIP only. I do make an exception for Okuyasu, however, because my mom’s bed is off limits (“I called her a milf ONE TIME”) and my late gramps’ bed is like concrete. So Okuyasu can sleep in mine all he wants. Only sleep...most of the time. Probably. I’m gonna stop. So, he does his cute little knock, and no matter the time of day, I’ll get up and open the window for my friend."
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After a few heavy conversations with their friend Koichi and his stranger of a dad, Josuke gets a familiar visit from his neighbor and best bro, Okuyasu, at his bedroom window. They have an...emotional sleepover.
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yo I wrote this a few weeks ago and I’ve slowly but surely fallen back into fandoms and signed up for tumblr again so I’m gonna share this now!!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
bazinga.
uhh, yeah!!! I'm starting an official Indigo Disk long fic now. Don't know how this is gonna go, but I have many ideas, so hopefully it goes well!!! This fic has actually been in my head ever since ID came out, and honestly, the only reason I've been able to write it out is because of all of you, so thank you!!!
I know it's a bit late to the trend, but I still hope you enjoy it. It's been officially a year since I started writing again, and I've been better for it. So thank you all :D
