#beerdate

[sigantengkalem]

#saturdate #beerdate #latepost (at Beer Brother Kemang)

[beerselfie]

#Repost @beerbabesss ・・・ drinkin' the good stuff & celebrating two years with my amazing guy! ❤️ #beerdate #russianriver #plinytheelder // @russianriverbrewco @beerselfie

[sb-blank]

#beerdate #workdate or #firstdate, Baby we got what you need, but you say he’s just a friend…🎵 #yeg #yeglocal (at Sugarbowl)

[sayritapandita-blog]

Day 64. Beer Date❤️🍻💦 . . . #vsco #vscocam #366 #366project #366grateful #beerdate #craftbeer (at Monkey Paw Pub & Brewery)

[darkestblues]

The Hole to my Barrel

We went drinking again for the 2nd day in a row. The first time it was not that eventful especially since the Beard and I didn't really have time to talk alone. This time around before we went drinking, I talked to him about how I like staying around the office and how I really didn't want to go home. He asked if I had ever thought of moving out and I told him I couldn't. He said I should at least try. I told him how I hate and love my mom at the same time. I told him how my mother thinks I owe her every drop of penny that she spent for me. He said that his father always told him that the parents need to let their children live and grow on their own. I told him his dad should meet my mom. He then asked why I'm not stepping up. Why I'm not doing everything I can to stand out. I told him I'm tired. He told me he doesn't believe it. He said he knew how big my heart was so he doesn't think I'm tired. He then compared me to a barrel and he said that like a barrel, once you fill it up it has the tendency to spill over. So I was like yeah, I have the patience but my patience has its limits. He said but what if we put holes into that barrel. Then that barrel would never spill. And that got me thinking that he does have a point but what does he mean by the holes? He said that's what he is there for, that's what my friends are there for. They are the holes to my barrel. They are the ones I can always vent to, when I'm tired, when I'm frustrated, when I feel like giving up. I never saw it that way. And he was right. These people I have come to call my friends are my "holes." The people I go to when I get frustrated, when I feel like giving up. They keep me from spilling over. It was nice of him to tell me that. It was nice to know that he was one of the holes.

During the beer session, we had an opportunity to talk alone again because the other guys were talking about the Legend of Korra and neither him or I were that interested with the topic. We discussed about my passion for programming. How that's the only thing I really loved about my course. How I aimed to excel in it and how I was proud of what I could do. He told me that it was never his thing even though he and I had the same course. He was more interested with the networking aspect of it but that he never got a chance to study that during his time in college. I shared to him how there was this one time that my college professor accused me of cheating. I was flabbergasted because of all people that he could accuse, he accused me when I was the one being copied from. I told my professor that if he really thinks I cheated that I will do the exam all over again infront of him. Luckily, he backed off and the culprits confessed. He then shared an incident in his high school life. He said that he remembered one time for this exam that he tried to study for. He did his best to memorize the equations. When he did the exam, he was surprised how easy it was for him that he actually felt he had a chance to ace the exam. When results came, the teachers didn't want to release his paper because they didn't believe that he got a very high score that even though he was part of the last section, his score became 3rd overall which is better than those from the glorified section 1 class. This gave me an opportunity to tell him that "you see this is what I was telling you about. You have what it takes to do great things. You are very capable to excel. So why are you settling for the middle ground?" He said he just wanted to see others grow. That he's contented. That he's not afraid to show anyone what he's capable of but he feels that is where he was needed. I told him, okay fine, I get it, you don't want to move up, you don't want to get promoted but you owe it to yourself to do better. I told him that just to even be in the top 25 constantly is something that he should strive to achieve. I told him that this is not about you being noticed by the clients or it's not about you being put on the spotlight. I told him that it's about him getting what he deserves. Because there are people who are claiming the top spots that don't deserve to be there and I told him that he should be there because he would definitely earn it. This really made him think and this made him realize that he was never aware of this scenario. He never really thought of the other people involved. I can tell that he is very selfless but I think that once in awhile each one of us needs to be selfish. Sometimes we have to think of ourselves because we owe it to ourselves to be rewarded for the things we do. I told him that don't let it all go to waste. Don't let all your efforts just go to waste because he deserves more than what he is getting. I then told him how me and one other guy were the ones who suggested his name to be part of the account recovery group. This definitely made him stop and think. I can see in his eyes, the way he intently stared at me as I said those words how he never realized that I and the other guy have always been looking out for him, for them, for our friends. Because we believe these people deserve it and we wouldn't want it any other way. I think this really moved him and I can almost see a glint of tear in his eye. I can almost sense his gratefulness that I was looking out for him. That me, this guy, this person that he thought didn't take notice, noticed him, noticed his potential. That even though he was contented about not being noticed, that I was there and I took notice. He just needed to be aware of this.

So after all this, he told me that he's definitely gonna try. That he will try harder to excel. That he will try and get what he rightly deserves. I was happy to know this. I was glad he came to this realization because he has the potential and he's not putting it to good use. We then continued talking about why I think my friends from my previous job were no longer communicating with me. I told him my friends left me so I left. I told him that everybody leaves me. He said, then they never were your friends because friends don't leave each other even if they move away. He said I am not hard to befriend. He even asked the others in our session, if they ever felt I was hard to befriend. One of them said no, the other said, it takes time to get to know him. The Beard said that I am like a book with no cover. That in order to get to know me or know my title, you need to read the book. I find it amusing that that's how he sees me. And I couldn't agree more. I guess I have always been a mystery. I have these layers, layers that I don't really share with everyone. At least not in the beginning. It's like ranking up in League of Legends. You get to know the bronze tier of me but if you want to get to know me better, then you need to keep playing. I can say that my relationship with the beard is now at the Gold Tier. I think I have shared a lot to him in a way that I feel like he would be comfortable to share what he can as well. He mentioned in passing how I go drinking with them because I just wanted to talk. I became a little defensive and told him, I just really wanted to drink. I don't think he believed me.

When we went home. I told him as usual to text me when he gets home so I know that he's safe. He did. And now he's here in the office. So I will end it here as I continue to discover the mystery that is the Beard.

PS. He brought two helmets today even though his wife was on RD. It dawned on me that he was anticipating that I wanted to hitch a ride with him. That was mildly amusing.

[darkestblues]

You Pulled Me In...

I really didn't know whether I would wait for the Beard to get to the office or not but I waited. I got myself busy by playing the game we both were playing. I was already giving up on the hope that he would text because it was already 4am and that was the supposed time he would get to the office. All of a sudden around 4:48am when I was just about to say fuck it I'm leaving, he texted and asked whether I was still in the office. I quickly replied and told him I was gonna wait for him. I didn't even care how long it took him to get there but he did. I was suddenly happy and alive again. I don't know why but I feel really sad when he's not around. When he's there though it's different, I feel so alive, I feel like I am on a high. He makes my days a lot better.

We immediately started to drink when he got here. At first our topics were about the LOTR books, the anime we watch, the usual stuff, the small talk. The things that didn't matter really but at the same time something that we were both interested in. We then delved into serious matters as we downed 3 bottles of beer. He started telling me about how high school was different for him, how everyone else was reminiscing the good old days while for him it was just not memorable. For the first time, I understood why he and I had this some thing that we share together. We experienced a similar high school journey. I was that kid in high school who was bullied. Nobody cared, nobody noticed, well they noticed but they noticed me because they liked to pick on me. So I escaped by not going to class, not going anywhere where people are. I just wanted to be alone, I just wanted to be where my old friends were. In a similar manner, The Beard told me that he was a loner, he was afraid to tell people his imaginations, his musings because people would think he's weird. I told him, if you're weird then you haven't met me yet. I loved to write about fantasies, about stories that are unimaginable. He said that's what he used to do too but he couldn't write them because of his laziness. He's definitely very creative and his imagination is pretty wild. I was impressed and amazed because to him it was weird, but to me that was normal, that was me he was describing. I told him about the stories I used to write and how I wish I published them. He asked me why I stopped. I really don't know why either but I stopped writing. He then told me he was a natural loner. He was always in the background, or was always in the middle of things. He didn't want to shine nor did he want to fail. He was just there he said. He said people started noticing him during his 4th year and that's where his popularity rose up. He told me how his wife now was the one who courted him which only means he really doesn't integrate well with people before that he needed to be courted. But once you get his attention though, he seems to gravitate towards that. He latches on to that and would definitely want to stick to that. That's how I was when I first met him too. I knew he was there but I felt like in order for me to actually be friends with him, I had to put in the effort first but I knew once we crossed that bridge, he begins to put in the effort as well.

I also found out that he and I actually graduated from the same college course but he said he never was good at programming. He said he only passed because he had a genius friend but that that friend became schizo. I can tell that he is somewhat like me. I don't really put in the effort as much when it comes to befriending people but when I do, I would not hold back and not give up that friendship. It will take time for me to befriend people especially if I'm not interested to be friends. But there are times that I put in the effort first just because there are people that interests me a lot or that grabbing their attention is such a challenge I have to get out of my comfort zone and actually put in the effort.

The rest of the talk was all about me. At this point, a third person arrived and they were all focused on why I'm not going out with my full potential. The thing is, I'm scared of what I'm capable of. I'm a person who does not follow rules, I bow to no one but at the same time I have my limits. I want to lead, but I don't have the plans. I still need someone to direct me what to do and once I have that, I will execute it in my own way. Just give me a plan and I will do the rest. It's quite pleasant to hear that these guys respect me. That I am someone they know has the capability. I guess I have low self esteem. I don't know what I want sometimes and I'm just afraid that I am going to start disappointing people. I'm afraid that I will be biting more than I could chew. I am fearless and at the same time fearful. I am determined and at the same time unmotivated. 

When we went home, the Beard as usual took me on his motorbike. And as I was about to sleep, i texted him to let me know when he gets home. I got a reply saying he went back to the office to wait for his wife at 3. I suddenly felt a little guilty and told him that he didn't need to drive me home. He just laughed it off and said it was okay and that it will all be okay if I give him free lunch next time. I said ok I will. And then I texted him to thank him for being a good friend and I told him that I am someone he can count on and that if he needs my help that I will be there. I joked that I won't buy him a ps4 though. He laughed and said I'm crazy but that he acknowledges my thank you. I told him that the next time we drink we're gonna talk about him and how he needs to step up. I told him that he has the creativity and skills to excel. But he said he's contented with where he is right now and that he's useful where he is. But he thanked me for the things I said about him. I told him he's still the one who can decide what he wants but he needs to know that he can do more or inspire others. Our conversation ended because he was already inside the office. I said goodnight and he told me good night and then all faded to black as I lay myself to sleep.

[darkestblues]

Beerdate on a Rainy Day

I probably was like the most undecisive person yesterday. I wanted to go have a beer with the Beard and then I called it off because there was no time, and then it kind of rained so I was like I want to have a beer with him So we did and we invited one other person. The seating arrangement during the session was that the Beard was across me and the other guy was beside me but when the other guy's gf arrived the Beard told me that I should move by his side to "balance" things out. I did. Probably the best feeling in the world when your crush tells you to sit beside him. 

When we went home the other person wanted to include them in a taxi ride with his gf. I declined and said I'd rather go with the Beard. The Beard kind of wanted me to go with them because he only had one helmet on him but I insisted on going with him. When I got off, he had this big smile on his face which I'm still trying to figure out but I told him that he should text me when he gets home. I texted him first anyway and told him that he should text me when he gets home because I was responsible for him getting drunk. He texted back saying he got home just fine :)

[darkestblues]

Buzzed

My mind is a little hazy but I think I remember every detail of what happened earlier this morning. I had a drinking session witnh the Beard and a few other people from work. He invited me to drink because it was my rest day. Of course I said yes. I didn't wanna pass up the opportunity to hang out with him outside of our usual coffee and lunch dates. Those have been so frequent nowadays that it's no longer a question of whether we do it but when. I had a good time with him and the others and it was kind of funny how subtly he was saying things that seemed like it was directed my way. We were talking about how there are guys on the floor who are openly gay and that there are those that are not and he said that those are the most dangerous because you never know what they think of you. He said that he would rather have a gay friend that he knows they are gay at least he can act accordingly if things get weird rather than someone who hides it and does some gay things like hugging you or rubbing your arm. I am still wondering if he has any idea that thats how I am to him. But at least I'm not really doing something questionable. I just really have to keep my distance. I was so drunk tho that I was starting to walk wobbly. He still took me home and at the back of my mind I wanted to hug him right there on his motorbike but i still did my best to control myself. I texted him afterwards that I hope he got home safely and i awoke to his reply that he did. I left it at that. I was glad to know he was safe and that he let me know about it. :)