#thebeardfiles

[darkestblues]

The Long Talk

The Me 11:40 PM pde ta kuyog naug at lunch? wa koy laing makuyog hehe The Beard 11:40 PM awe mana ko lunch The Me 11:40 PM aw kape lang The Beard 11:40 PM wala diay order? The Me 11:40 PM naa d naman pde isulod naa ra sa gawas The Me 11:43 PM kuyog ta ha? please hehe The Me 11:45 PM kadali ra ta The Beard 11:49 PM hagbong ko tph last week wala nako rason ma hagbong karon sorry can't go The Me 11:50 PM ahh ok i understand The Me 11:52 PM wala man kaha ka nasuko nako? The Beard 11:52 PM huh? kay ngano masuko man ko? The Me 11:53 PM aw just asking:P wa lang, i just feel like you no longer consider me a friend but if its just me then dont mind it basin tungod ra na cause you're having a bad week but there are days that i feel you're projecting your moodiness towards me like im the reason you're upset but im trying to understand why you're like that towards me The Beard 12:16 AM , you sound like a girl. I understand that you are a clingy type of friend and I assume that you are afraid of losing another friend this is how I treat all my friends got a lot of them and it;s a big responsiblity and no offense, The Beard 12:19 AM I feel like you are treating me like a lover than a friend The Me 1:19 AM oh ok im sorry if i come off that way then that was never my intention so im sorry if im coming off like that its how i treat all my friends too and if you think otherwise then i dont know what else to tell you but my apologies The Beard 2:08 AM don't worry about it It's just me The Me 2:10 AM cge lang ill adjust my expectations as a friend i guess i was expecting too much of you and thats wrong i shouldnt have done that ingon ani lang gyud ko but thats how i am to my closest friends and i assumed too much and thought you and i were at that level mura manig bokura oi hahaha im that clingy friend but yeah im really sorry if i came on too strong and didnt take into consideration how you felt about it The Beard 2:14 AM don't worry bout it sa tanan nako close ma lake o baye mga babae raman inana gud but don't think a lot abou it you are you them are them The Me 2:15 AM well thanks for clearing the air i just wanted to get that off my chest and im glad you are being honest with me but its fine, ill treat you like how you want your close guy friends to treat you The Beard 2:18 AM don't worry about it lage just be what you wanna be The Me 2:19 AM ok The Beard 2:19 AM it's hard to pretend to be someone else The Me 2:19 AM i know sa tanan sad nako na close ikaw ra man sad gud ni react ug ingon ana so sorry lang gyud i wasnt being sensitive and thats my fault The Beard 2:21 AM hahaha I told you not to apologize you werent wrong at all The Me 2:22 AM ok The Beard 2:22 AM misunderstanding lang The Me 2:22 AM :) cge dili na The Beard 2:22 AM my point is try to treat other people on how they should be treated I know you can differentiate treating a friend vs a lover The Me 2:23 AM yeah or maybe i dont idk hahaha but i will The Beard 2:24 AM then you just have to think twice more often than not you sound like a jealous gf The Me 2:25 AM hahahah The Beard 2:25 AM that would be your starting point dele man mag selos ako wife ba kung walay hinungdan The Me 2:26 AM alright The Me 2:28 AM thanks sa advice The Me 2:36 AM but yeah im just being me, mao na sometimes i really dont know if im going over boundaries i shouldnt be unless someone tells me because thats just how i treat people The Beard 2:37 AM that's why you need to go out have a vacation na ikaw ra usa you always said na kahiablo naka sa outside world or you already know but you just acting that you don't The Me 2:38 AM aw gi english ra man to nimo yeah i know things but not all of course the world is a big place after all ive actually done that went to a place alone didnt really felt any different its just like going out of your house and buying something The Beard 2:39 AM didn';t felt any different because you are not anything different The Me 2:40 AM what do u mean? The Beard 2:40 AM I mean what you did was the same stuff you are doing while you are at home The Me 2:41 AM aw dili man gud i dont go to concerts everyday:P maybe because i was used to being alone for so long that having friends, is something different for me so maybe thats why i cant differentiate it sometimes because i dont think of that really you know me and i told you this The Beard 2:43 AM well it's you The Me 2:43 AM nga naanad ra gyud ko mag inusara The Beard 2:43 AM then you'll just have to learn The Me 2:43 AM that when i get close friends i try to pull them into my world The Beard 2:44 AM I didn't feel you are pulling me into your world The Me 2:44 AM aw The Beard 2:44 AM I fell like you wnat to create a new pworld for me The Me 2:44 AM hahaha i guess perspective is relevant i mean relative The Beard 2:44 AM there is nothing with your world you just need to understand that small things can give different meanings I can't tell you everything but I hope you would try to think twice maybe it's okay for you but sa uban dele I know that mas importante jud ang pra sa imo but small miusunderstandings can lead to a bigger one The Me 2:47 AM yeah and thats what i want to avoid so help me understand if you can but of course i cant just rely on you on everything The Beard 2:48 AM yup The Me 2:48 AM but i will try to be more aware The Beard 2:49 AM yes behaviour sa male vs female The Me 2:50 AM ok The Me 2:52 AM so you dont want us talking long hours like this? The Beard 2:54 AM friends can talk long hours unsa may mga linihokan nimo katong naa pa imong crush sa palibot you know where she is you always want to know what they are talking you want to be where she is you want to smell the air she is smelling you want to eat the food she is eating you want to do what she is doing you want ot know where she lives so that you can try to go with her The Me 2:57 AM aw ingon ana ra sad gyud ko sa akong mga close friends The Beard 2:57 AM na mao The Me 2:57 AM but if thats not cool with you then ok The Beard 2:57 AM dele mana close friends intawn The Me 2:57 AM aw hahah The Beard 2:57 AM clingy kaau na gamay nalang ang kulang mu halok The Me 2:58 AM hahaha The Beard 2:58 AM na The Me 2:58 AM ok so i guess bugs is clingy too hahah and wapwap and fardo and keigo a lot of my guy friends thats how i treat them didnt really knew it was bad or not cool The Beard 2:59 AM I didn's say not cool dele man ka inaan nila The Me 2:59 AM d man ka tigkuyog namo sa una sad The Beard 2:59 AM you can tell the difference ako freind na laki sauna adto ga puyo sa amoa The Me 3:00 AM aw The Beard 3:00 AM but if it's you then be you don't force not to be you The Me 3:00 AM ok The Me 3:05 AM but yeah ill try to be aware kay lain kaayo ang feeling na selosan ko sa imo wife The Beard 3:06 AM unsay lain pirte The Me 3:06 AM gani The Beard 3:06 AM im not a homo The Me 3:06 AM me neither The Beard 3:06 AM nya mag cge lang ug balik balik The Me 3:06 AM so gani i dont want that to be a label on me sorry gyud bungot aw d naman diay ko musrroy The Beard 3:08 AM aw no apologies needed lage The Me 3:08 AM hahaha lagi lagi

[darkestblues]

The hardest part is not knowing...

[darkestblues]

Too much time

So the Beard tells me point blank that we spend too much time together more than he spends time with his wife. He said he wants to do his part as a husband to spend more quality time with his wife. It's almost like he's saying we should stop spending time together. I feel a little bit sad but why should I be? He's not mine to own...

[darkestblues]

Going Stronger

I can't believe how far my relationship with the Beard have gone to. We've been the closest of friends ever since that it seems like we do a lot of things together or at least I feel like I'm pushing him to do things together with me. lol. Weird thing is he doesn't mind at all and even welcomes it wholeheartedly. Here's a few of the things that we usually do together.

- play Crusaders of Solaria. He basically pretty much does what I do in the game like fishing, sparring, even when im loading up cash for the game. He wants in on that for some reason. Well of course I believe he enjoys playing it as much as I do but it's cute that he likes to do the things that I want to do.

- eat lunch together. It's now a normal routine that it doesn't matter anymore whether we're alone or with some friends. 

- eat breakfast together, this is the new addition to some of our daily routines. it's a replacement for our drinking session since he can't drink as much because he's dieting or preparing for an eventual baby in his family.

- go home together. idk but i just like staying at the office and waiting for him to go home because he always takes me home on his motorbike. just to feel the wind whipping through your face and hair and knowing how im just inches from him makes me feel secure and happy.

idk how further this friendship will take us but i do hope it will last forever. ive told him that i'll always be here no matter what so he best be prepared to spend the rest of his life with me around because I'm not going anywhere and somehow he appreciates that and felt reassured by my words. Knowing that just makes me feel very happy as well :)

[darkestblues]

Sweet Moment with the Beard

Those sweet little affirmations of his caring nature that he does just gets to me. He had these two biscuits that he bought and someone asked for one of it but he didnt give up the creams biscuit because he said he liked it. But when he started eating it he offered some of it to me. I thought it was sweet that he was sharing something that he liked to me and no one else.

[darkestblues]

Singing with the Beard

The Beard loves to sing karaoke. It is one past time he would say he misses the most and he told me about it in passing when we had coffee the other day or two. I had the opportunity to fulfill this wish for him when he came to work and had the same schedule as our team. So I suggested that we go karaoke. He was up for it and I encouraged all our other friends to join us. He looked so happy to be able to do karaoke. He was singing his heart out and I loved seeing him that way. He also wore the Last of Us Tshirt that I gave him. I felt so happy that he appreciated the gift and wore it right after I gave it to him.

When all the other people left, he shared a song that he said he likes to sing when he sings karaoke. It was Because of You by Neyo and he sang it to me. The message of the song intrigued me and the way he sand it was so heartfelt. I told him afterwards when we went home that I would say my favorite was I'll Be. I have noticed a difference between our song choices. He seems to be singing songs where it talks about another person being the one that inspires the singer. While I tend to sing songs where it talks about the singer wanting to be the protector or savior of that other person. It really reflects each of our personality. Him looking for that someone that inspires him and me looking for that someone I want to be with and protect and save.

This was another happy moment in our moments together and I can't wait to spend more time with him and I do hope we could have moments like this together in the future.

[darkestblues]

Selfish Me

How selfish of me. Here I was sulking at work, pouting and basically giving up on all hope. And yet there are people around me who give me that moral support. So why am i giving up when they aren’t? I didn’t even know the Beard has been awake for 24 hours now :( I felt a little guilty that I didn’t even ask if he was ok. I swore to never say sorry to him though if I’m just gonna repeat the same mistake. So i will keep it to myself and the tumblr verse. I need to be more sensitive towards him and be more supportive of him too. I cant give up for him and for myself. I have to go on. I have to be better and I will do my best not to do the same mistakes.

I also just realized that I am not the only one asking advice from him. He’s really just amazing and helpful. That’s why I don’t mind if I have to wait for him until he’s done with everything that he needs to do because I know at the end of the day he’s willing to hear me out or help me out as well. He gave me a stick of chocolate cream today. I actually forgot about it so it’s in my pants right now. I will eat that later when I wake up :)

[darkestblues]

My Biggest Supporter

I do not want to discredit all my other friends. I know that I have them to support me. But there's nothing like a person who seems to know you in and out and just says the right things at the right time. Maybe i am biased but the Beard has always been that guy. I know that he respects me a lot and supports me wholeheartedly. It's really comforting to hear it from his own mouth. Those encouraging words. When he tells me not to give up. When he tells me when i shouldnt stop. When he tells me he would do anything in his power to protect me. To back me up. Thats when i feel that no one can say any negative things about me. Because theres people like him that reaffirms and reassures me that i have done something right. That i should not give up. Its also funny how he seems to be finishing my sentences. I noticed it when I was talking to him and how he agrees in unison and says out the word that i was just about to say. Its cute. Its endearing. I didnt even expect him to get to the office but he made sure to let me know that he was coming over. I was the first person that he was looking for and it made me smile that he was actually wanting to see me. We went ahead to the beer session as the others followed after an hour. And while we were alone i just filled him in on what went on and aired my grievances to him. He does not give me any bullshit. He just tells me how it is. He just tells me that at the end of the day I have him. It was such a comforting feeling. Even tho he didnt say it out loud thats how i feel. He randomly asked if i ever planned a leave. I said no and i asked why he was asking. He told me it was just nothing and that i should use my leave because not all of it is getting converted. He suggested a take a leave off on december from christmas to new years. He tells me that he wont be around because he took a leave for those days too. I wondered why he wanted me to leave while he was on leave too. But i told him i could only take a leave for christmas and new years because another person already took the other days. I really wanted to know why he asked me that but i never got around to asking him because the others came. The fact that he didnt want me to be at work when hes not at work made me wonder and i probably would never know until i have the courage to ask him again. Its just one of the many things that he asks thats making me wonder what it really is all about.