As I sit here once again. In the dark; illuminated by a light in another room I have forgotten in my haste, I wonder. I wonder many things. Some trivial, some not so. Some pushing memories that make me cry, others that may be some sort of daydream to pass the time. The fog in my mind growing ever present; the burn in my lungs turning into a roaring red flame. As dryness of my mouth becomes clearer than the county side sky, and the redness of my eyes grow to a color akin to fresh roses. I wonder at first; am i reaching into the heavens? Ascending high into the clouds so I may gaze upon Earth’s beauty? Or am I dehydrated for forgetting to drink any form of liquid as the day sped by in a dizzying blur, similar to one like you would see in a cartoon. Then as my mind wanders further, the sizzling of my pen acting as a soundtrack for my night, why can’t I understand? For me; anyways, life has always been a teachable moment. The cacophony of bad and good experiences blending into a melted mess of anxiety and ambitions. The puddle being reached into to form a thought that allows me to feel. Why i must ask; why can’t I have it? What, you may ask? Well what is the very thing that is being kept from me my friend, no not just me, all of us. All of those who beg and writhe, all of us who feel like our skin is akin to saran wrap; hugging to out bones with uncontrollable tightness. Why is it being kept from us? The lustrous greens and blues that the sea keeps below? Gelatinous circles with crispy edges were bought; then lost not once but twice in what I can only describe as heinous and conspiratorial. Once the impressionists cubes and circles did arrive on the third attempt; they left me full of lackluster lifeless that is seen only in stories. Small crunch, and not salty. Sweet…gooey. Fine as a snack but never as a replacement to the hidden ambrosia. Yes my friend, the sea glass is on my mind again. And yes my friend; I understand your pain as it is just as much mine. The siren’s call of the deep sea calls not to swim but to consume. To consume my very thoughts it has achieved. Yet even with the lack of options and opportunities that I have..I still yern. Soft green glass, with a matte finish, crunch and flavorless with perhaps a ghostly grace of salt. Its all I crave. It keeps me up at night. I’m land locked. Never farther but never closer at the same time. The corrosion that it causes me to stop myself from arriving at the jungle of the internet to summon home some sea glass will rot me to my bitter core…amazon is unethical i whisper to my brain. So once again. I sit. Craving the lustrous matte sheen, that one day will be consumed.
