Bella/Paul
Rated M.
Summary: Bella is having dirty dreams... and they're not about her fiancé. When Paul finds out about them, he is surprised to realize how much he wants the leech lover, too.
There's only one real obstacle in their way as Paul bides his time, patiently waiting for Swan to come to him: Edward.
Cullen-friendly. No Volturi. No Child Imprints. NSFW/SMUT.
FFN: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14557004/1/Only-Dreaming
AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/82025261/chapters/220865096
It had been a week since that night with Paul. I had combed through all of Carlisle’s old journals and medical research, trying desperately to find answers about my experiences. Nothing. For someone who had been alive so long, I thought he’d have witnessed SOMETHING that would provide me with even the smallest bit of information. But no. I was at a loss and had absolutely zero leads.
I’m currently pacing in the kitchen of the Cullen's house, desperately trying to think of another idea to find some answers, but nothing is coming to me. I feel jittery, and my body aches from lack of food. I also hadn’t fed since that night with Paul, trying to see if I could access my ‘ability’ without drinking blood. Also no results thus far. I try to recall the information I had sifted through about supernatural gifts, but I can’t really focus on anything. My mind feels like it's moving at super-speed, my skin feels like it’s tingling, and my stomach twists horribly. I feel like I’m going to be sick. I really need to eat something.
I’m out the door and running through the forest in the next second, and I feel crazed. My teeth are grinding, my throat is parched, and I’m desperate for blood. Ever since I had ripped into the first blood bag, had my first taste of human blood, I had been like a junkie craving another fix. It relaxes me, lets me think more clearly, and I always feel a rush of power and strength when the first drop hits my stomach.
My feet skid in the dirt, throwing up leaves and branches, as I try not to barrel through the female wolf in front of me.
“Leah. Can I help you? I was kind of headed somewhere,” I rush.
She shifts to her human form, and throws a yellow summery dress over her lean and toned body; the cloth sweeping over her bronzed skin. Her hair is in disarray, and her eyes hold an angry fire. Did she just come from a fight?
“No offense, but you look crazy. Where are you going?” she says, and I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t actually care if it offended. I like her.
I clench my toes as my anxiety to eat ramps up, and I feel like my body is visibly shaking. I lift my hands to check, “Oh I need to feed. So I’m going to find food. And I kind of need it now, so I’m gonna’ go, but if you want to come along feel free,” and I rush off again.
She hurries after me, maybe afraid I might sink my teeth into someone’s neck in my need to find blood.
I’m in and out of the hospital in record time, not actually paying attention to see if anyone notices me this time.
I’m tearing through eight bags of blood, a record for me, and some pours down my chin and coats my shirt. My eyes roll back, and a moan escapes my throat. Nothing has ever tasted better.
It’s instantaneous this time; the visions are flying through my head, one after another.
A brunette pushing a stroller through aisles at a store, a blonde jogging through the forest in Forks, another brunette walking along first beach and the sand slipping between her toes, a woman chopping onions, a boy buying cotton candy at a fair, a man eating dinner with his husband, teenagers laughing at a film in the cinema…the memories starting to fly by too fast for me to catch any details.
And then I open my eyes, and Leah is staring at me in absolute shock.
“Am I a brunette or a blonde? And do I look like a man or a woman, because I wonder if I could actually do that? I guess it could definitely come in handy in some situations…” I trail off.
Her mouth opens and closes, unable to voice her thoughts.
“Yeah, that’s pretty much what I thought the first time too. I guess it is related to blood, because this hasn’t happened since I drank blood last week. Interesting,”
“What in the holy fuck is that? And WHY do you look like a completely different person? And just…what?” She stutters.
“Yeah, Paul and I think it might be my ‘ability?’ Like what the Cullens can do…we aren’t really sure what it means or why it happens, but I guess I can change my appearance when I drink human blood. Based on everything I’ve experienced, I’d also guess that I’m changing to look like the people who’s blood I drink,” I explain.
She goes silent again.
“So…was there something you wanted when I ran into you earlier? I hadn’t fed in a week, and I wasn’t really in the right mind to have a conversation…?” I ask.
“Oh…um, right. I had been talking to Quil, who you know likes to gossip, and he mentioned that you kind of hate living with the Cullens?” she begins.
“Yeah. They are a real pain in my ass…and super controlling which is unbelievably irritating.”
“Right…and I’m kind of hoping to get out of my house…for my own reasons…” she trails off again, seemingly unsure if she wants to continue. She’s shifting from foot to foot, switching from looking at me and looking at the ground, and I decide to wait her out.
Eventually she goes on, speaking quickly and staring over my shoulder, “I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to be roommates, since I can’t afford to live alone and I don’t have anyone else to ask…”
It started out sweet, her thinking of me, but I was trying not to laugh by the end. Even though I was a vampire, and most of the wolves couldn’t seem to stand the smell of me, it seems I’m the only acceptable acquaintance she has. And it would get me out from under the Cullens ever watchful eyes.
“That actually sounds like an awesome idea. Do you have any places in mind?” I ask.
“Really? Oh…yeah I do actually…I can text you the links…if you have a phone?” she responds, surprised at my willingness.
I slip my phone from my back pocket and hand it over, letting her put in her number and take down mine. While she’s looking down at the screens she starts mumbling, speaking her thoughts out loud,
“That thing you do, with your face, is pretty intense. I wonder if it’s related to empathy or responsiveness or something…like my mom is super empathetic, just able to understand people and what they’re feeling…” but she stops talking and her cheeks turn pink.
I think she’s muttering an apology, most likely unused to talking to someone so much since she’s constantly surrounded by boys, and probably doesn’t have many opportunities to talk to another female. But I don’t give it too much thought. I’m frozen and my mind is whirling; the comment that had caught me was the mention of her mother. Empathetic…I had always been seriously sensitive, and always conscious of other’s feelings; a concern for others and what they are going through. I loved being able to help people; put myself in other’s shoes and understand them. I’m faintly aware of Leah making a motion to toss me my phone, and I catch it between unfeeling fingers.
I think the blood is overstimulating my mind, because I’m jumping from thought to thought too quickly to form any logical connections. Suddenly I’m thinking of Renee…I don’t know if my own mother was empathetic…I had grown up with her, but I didn’t actually know her. Serious conversations had been rare between us, with her always flitting around; completely consumed by one hobby or another.
But her constant need to stay occupied, and her inability to care for me…that didn’t speak of empathy. And Charlie was too closed off and introverted to ever seek after the feelings of others. And a trait has to be incredibly significant in a person for it to develop into an actual ability when someone is turned into a vampire. When signs of an ability started showing, Carlisle had taken the time to actually explain what it all meant. He said that it could be a trait that is commonly found in multiple members of a bloodline, and because it showed itself in a family for a long period of time, it was usually strong enough to show itself as an ‘ability’ in a vampire. The rest of the Cullen clan had then jumped in to provide examples. Alice’s mother and grandmother had both developed the ability she was born with, an unexplainable aptitude for seeing events before they occurred. Esme’s entire family had been unbelievably compassionate and peaceful people, all of the women in Rosalie’s family had been unfairly beautiful, and a good portion of Jasper’s line had all been just as empathetic as him.
But since Renee and Charlie were out…maybe grandparents? All of mine had either died before I was born or before I was old enough to establish a relationship with any of them. Charlie would probably know, and I was on the verge of a breakthrough.
I glance at Leah from the corner of my eye, but she doesn’t seem too concerned with my paying her little attention.
I flip through my contacts and bring up Charlie’s name, hoping he picks up. My chest tightens as the ringing continues, excitement at finally having an answer blooming, but then he picks up with a distracted, “Hello?”
I can hear shouting in the background, a sports announcer, and someone blowing on a whistle. He was probably at Billy’s or Harry’s watching some game. I speak quickly because I’m not sure how long I can hold his attention,
“Charlie! I just had a quick question…were any of my grandparents really empathetic or overly sensitive?”
My random question seemed to catch him off guard, as he goes silent for a minute on the other end of the line. But eventually he starts talking, though he still seems to be distracted by the tv and an argument that has broken out between the other men in the room with him.
“Well, I know your grandma on my side always liked to take care of others…and Renee’s father was pretty sympathetic I guess…HIT the ball, don’t just Stare at it!…and that letter Lila left kind of said something about not wanting to hurt anyone or something along those lines…yeah, yeah…RUN you idiot!…umm hmmm, your mother wasn’t very clear about much and we didn’t speak for very long…NO! Defense!” and he starts muttering about some team’s lack of talent.
“Wait, wait, wait, excuse me? Who is Lila…and my mother?” But he’s pulled the phone from his ear to shout at the tv.
I make eye contact with Leah, checking to see if she heard the same thing as me since I’m sure she had been listening in on the conversation.
“Did he just say?…but, Renee never mentioned…she would have,” but I’m at a loss.
“Leah, I need to go,” I choke out, and she nods in understanding.
I rush to Charlie’s and break the locked handle on the front door to get inside. I’m pulling every drawer open, looking through every stack of paper in my search for my birth certificate. But I can’t find it. I pull out the chair from the desk in my old room, bringing up the Google search bar quickly and type up the Forks Hospital database to find something on Renee, or Charlie, or myself. Nothing that isn’t too vague or confidential, and certainly no birth certificate. Next I type in a general “how to find your birth certificate online” with a shrug, and a website for “Birth Records” is suggested. I click on it, and type in my name to see what comes up. Nothing under the name Isabella Marie Swan, so I delete my last name and with a sudden idea I type in the name Lila with it. Fifteen results come up, and it isn’t until the ninth that I find what I’m looking for. It’s a file from nineteen years ago. I don’t hesitate before bringing it up, and my tension rises when the computer takes a minute to download the image. My eyes fly over the given information:
Name: Isabella Marie,
Gender: Female,
Born: Norfolk, Virginia,
Hospital: Sentara Norfolk General Hospital
Time: 4:25 AM,
Mother: Martin, Lila
And the line for father is empty. I hear the front door slam below, and I’m running down the stairs.
He’s hanging his coat up on the wall by the front door, his back to me, when I call his name,
“Charlie.”
He jumps and spins around, a hand over his heart,
“Oh, Bella I didn’t know you were coming over,” but I cut him off.
“Why did no one ever tell me I was adopted? And who the hell is Lila Martin?” I bite out.
Confusion swims through his eyes; apparently he was so distracted earlier he doesn’t even remember mentioning her. But horror quickly replaces it as he ascertains exactly what I’ve asked.
“Oh God Bella…I thought Renee had told you. The last time we spoke she mentioned telling you…I didn’t know…I…” but he seems to be at a loss for any further explanation.
“Well she didn’t. But you will. Now,” and it’s definitely not a request.
Paul's head lifts from where it was resting on the tree behind him, and he stares at me. I'm not sure when I had gotten here, sitting on the cold ground in the forest, Paul across from me and waiting for me to break the silence. I'm guessing he sat me down, and then chose to stick around. Whatever the reason, I was glad for a listening ear.
"It's only been two months since my entire life was turned around. A close friend of mine disappears, my other friends stop talking to me, my parents are murdered, I'm turned into a vampire, which is basically a kind way to say 'also murdered,' I'm the main suspect in a police investigation, somehow I show up in Phoenix and get arrested, my heart starts beating again, you have my mark on your back, and then my fucking heart stops beating again. I mean, am I being dramatic or is that a lot for one nineteen year old to handle?"
He's still staring at me, but as he is seemingly unbothered by my complaining, I continue.
"This is not what I wanted for myself. I was accepted to a great university, I would be going with my best friends…my life was just starting…" I trail off, remembering an errant piece of information. Embry and I had been talking a week ago about the lives of the wolf pack. How they had to give up everything for their duty to their people. My eyes cut to Paul again, guilt piercing me and shame flooding my body.
"I'm sorry, Paul."
But he just raises an eyebrow in silent question.
"I'm not the only one who has lost something. I didn't even think…you probably had plans too, before phasing, and your parents…" but I cut myself off suddenly in horror. My eyes widen and my hands flying to my mouth.
"Oh God, Paul I'm so sorry, that was so insensitive! I didn't mean to bring up…you know," but my flustered attempt at explaining myself falls short and an awkward silence falls between us.
He hasn't said a word, just continued staring at me, unnervingly, but something like amusement flashes through his eyes. It's gone before I can be sure.
Paul suddenly lifts himself to his feet and slowly stalks towards me.
"Embry talks too much," he drawls.
He holds his hand out toward me, encouraging me to stand. My arm hesitantly raises, my palm sliding across his and I grip his forearm to pull myself up. He's so warm, and electricity is sparking from our small point of contact.
"Where are we going, exactly?" I'm curious but definitely not opposed to any plans he may have for us.
"I'm taking you somewhere," which is far too vague, but I'm happy following him through the trees.
I'm not completely aware when we've stopped in front of a motorcycle parked a mile from the Cullen property. I had been too busy watching his graceful gait, the way his muscles moved under his shirt, and the way his cargo shorts fit over his…
"What?" I'm started from my thoughts, having missed a question from Paul.
The right side of his mouth lifts, this time I'm sure in amusement, and he asks again, "Are you coming?"
I wonder how long he had been waiting for a response, and I'd be blushing horribly if I could.
"Oh, Right," I step forward, throw my leg over the bike, and slide on behind him.
My thighs cradle him, the heat emitting from his body like a warm blanket across my front. My arms slowly slide around his middle, and wrap fully around his stomach. I can feel hard muscle beneath my arms, and I can picture every inch of him from when he had stripped earlier. Suddenly the bike roars to life, vibrating beneath us, and his muscles contract as he leans forward to grab the handles.
The wind is whipping through my hair, and I'm so enthralled by the feelings of freedom and happiness the drive evokes that I don't recognize where he's taking me. But he eventually pulls the bike over, what feels like a minute later. I hop off first, a nervous excitement buzzing through me, and wait for him to lead the way. His shorts stick to his thighs like a second skin, clinging to the muscle beneath them as he pushes up and off the bike, and I'm trying not to stare again. He's walking up the hill, to what I now recognize as the cliffs above first beach, and I follow his lead. His calves straining as they push him up the hill, the corded muscles in his back moving lithely as he walks, and the tattoos on his right arm catching the moonlight as he holds his hands out for an unneeded and naturally attained balance. I'm honestly not sure how long I will make it.
We come to a stop at the very edge and any fear I might have felt as a human for the steep drop is nowhere to be found. I'm invincible and unbreakable. My head whips to the left in my curiosity at his plans for us, though I have a small idea, and catch him staring and observing me.
"This weight that holds you down, the fear, you're giving it too much power over you. You need to be reminded what it feels like to live without it, and see how strong you really are." His words caress my skin, and I'm not sure of an adequate way to express how much his thoughtfulness means to me.
He had come up with a solution to my problems, largely symbolic as it was, so that he could help rid me of my fears. I'm wrapping my arms around him before I can think too hard about it, and breathe in his scent of leather, birch and dark chocolate. How does someone smell like that? He seems frozen beneath my touch, seemingly unaware of what to do. I lean back, unwrapping my arms before he can comprehend how to react, hoping to keep him from feeling too uncomfortable. I smile at him softly, watching as surprise and bewilderment flash through his eyes, and I understand that he honestly wanted to help me and expected nothing in return. He didn't realize how much his caring means to me.
"Thank you, Paul," I keep eye contact for one more second, and then I grin before turning to leap off the cliff.
I shout out loud, giddiness sweeping through me and taking my breath away. I curl into a ball and hit the surface, quickly sinking through the water. I open my eyes, able to see everything around me, and my body drifts slowly downward. The fish swimming beneath the current, the seaweed floating through the waves a good ten feet above my head, I can feel my hair floating around my face, and I let my hand drift up from my side to hold in front of me. I can't feel the temperature against my skin, and I'm completely relaxed without the need to pull in air. Knowing Paul is probably waiting for me still, I uncurl and swim to the surface. My arms and legs push me through the oncoming waves easily, and my eyes can make out his form standing at the top of the cliff. I decide to climb, digging my fingers into the rough rock and forming handholds for myself. I pull myself up quickly, and I'm sure my wide smile is splitting my face in half by the time I come to a stand. But I can't contain my joy at the light feeling in my chest. The hope that I can make it through whatever life throws at me next starts to take resident in my head; a positively dangerous idea.
He's smirking at me, more amusement directed at my childlike euphoria. I'm bouncing on my toes and twisting my hands in front of me, excited about our next adventure.
"What now?" I ask, hopping in place.
His laugh rips from his throat, a bark like sound, and I giggle in response.
"What do you feel like doing?" he's crossing his arms, but there's laughter in his voice.
Hmmm…I sift through all of my feelings, waiting for something to hit me. My stomach tightens, and I have an idea.
"I'm hungry. Let's find food," I look to him, waiting to see what he thinks.
He stares at me, and then gives a slow nod.
"Alright, but I hope I don't have to remind you that we don't share the same diet. So we can find you something, and then I'll eat a real meal and try not to think about what you've just done," He's smirking again, but it makes me laugh.
"I suppose that's fair," I shrug and turn to make my way back to his bike.
I'm walking out of the hospital with three blood bags in my arms, and still confused about my being able to get away with it.
I look around, making sure no one is looking, and when I see the rear parking lot is empty of cars, I suck down the blood. I toss the now empty bags into a nearby waste bin, and take a slow jog back into the forest where Paul is waiting for me. He's just within the tree line, and I notice his curious look when I stop in front of him.
"What? Is there something on my face?" I ask.
"No," but he doesn't explain further.
"Soooo…?" I prompt.
"You don't look like I expected… I always thought vampires would resemble monsters I guess. I mean…I expected I'd be disgusted by it, but you look normal. Your eyes don't change and aside from the lack of a heartbeat, which is only sometimes apparently, you could pass as human," and he continues to watch me, his head tilting slightly to the side as his mouth twists in his consideration and perusal.
I'm not sure what to say in response, since I don't know anymore than him at this point. So I shrug, slightly uncomfortable and hoping his opinion of me doesn't sway negatively.
We end up walking further into the forest, but I come to an abrupt stop when I become suddenly dizzy. It feels like the time at Charlie's house, when I saw myself on the TV, or outside of the Cullen's house earlier tonight. I hear a rushing sound in my ears, and I stumble to my hands and knees. My sudden need to pull air in and breathe makes me panic, and I begin to wheeze.
And then memories are playing in my head like a tape.
I can see a man, brown hair, blue eyes, with a bright smile and contagious laugh. He's chasing, me I think, down the beach and I'm laughing in response. I'm suddenly picked up from behind, the tide sweeping beneath our feet, and coating the bottom of our pants. I'm spun around, dizzy from the circles, but my happiness overwhelms me and I don't care.
And then I'm in a car; going home after a nice night out. I look over to the driver's seat and he's there, smiling at me and reaching for my hand on the center console. I intertwine our fingers, my chest light and mind clear, and thinking about earlier that night when he had dropped down on one knee, our future in his eyes. I turn back to the road as lights hit my face, and he's ripping his hand from mine desperately, grabbing to turn the wheel.
We're flying through the air, and I can't see anything. Something cuts my face, and I can feel liquid pouring down from somewhere on my head.
"Jason…?"
And then I'm gasping for air, blindly reaching out as my eyes fly open to the forest above me. Someone grips my hands, and pulls me upwards so I'm seated.
"What the hell was that? WHAT the hell was that," sobs tearing from me as I replay through my memories. But those weren't MY memories. I don't know who that was. The name Jason is whispered in my head, and my heart fills with happiness when I remember the way he smiled at me from across the table at dinner last night. His teeth flash, and one side lifts higher than the other, and his eyes squint just slightly in his happiness. And I can feel the muscles in my face pulling, smiling in response.
WAIT. That never happened! I DON'T know who that is! Hands slide across my face, tilting it up for inspection and encouraging me to meet their eyes. Paul is kneeling before me; his eyes hold shock, worry, and a little horror?
"What? What happened? What's going on?" and I'm frantic because that look won't leave his face.
His thumbs caress the skin under my eyes, and then he's gripping my hands again, pulling me up and through the forest. We're running quickly, supernaturally fast, and I can see his bike in the distance. He still hasn't answered, or spoken a single word at all, and terror hits me hard.
We reach his motorcycle, and he jerks the side mirror to face us. My mind goes blank.
My hand, shaking, reaches up and runs over the soft skin of my cheek. My other hand runs through the messy curls at my shoulders, and I let out a sudden gust of air. A ray of moonlight shines across my face, making the blue of my eyes stand out, my soft blonde hair picking up on a breeze and dancing across my shoulders. My cheeks are sharper, my nose a bit thinner…and suddenly I see a face in my head. MY face, smiling up at Jason in wonder and joy. And I remember the memories that I had seen in my head earlier, just as a soft sound pricks my ears. My heart…I can hear it again. The hand on my face falls down to my chest, and slides over where my heart resides. I can feel tears falling down my face as I turn to face Paul, who had remained silent beside me; common for him.
We stare at each other, neither of us sure what to say. I remember his face when I had climbed the cliff to reach him, after jumping into the frozen ocean. The feelings of happiness and joy similar to those provoked by the visions, emotions that cascade through my chest and light up my world. I think through everything I had been through up until this point, a thought occurring to me suddenly.
"The only thing that has been a reoccurring factor in all of these changes, is me drinking blood," I blurt out.
I don't let him respond, though I'm not sure he would have, and I run my hands through my hair while tilting my head back to face the sky. I pull cold air through my nose, close my eyes, and think through every moment when I had felt human since being changed.
"I drink blood for the first time, before I go to Charlie's house, and I can hear my heart beat. I drink blood again earlier tonight, see someone in my head, memories of someone's life, and my face changes and my heart beat comes back," and I snap my head to look at Paul, hoping for his agreement.
He's silent for a moment, working through his thoughts, "I don't see how it could be related to anything else? We all know vampire's have abilities…maybe this is yours?" He speaks slowly, almost unsure of his words, but I'm nodding along with him.
"Yes, thats the only explanation I can think of…but I don't understand what it means. Which of my humans traits was expanded when I became a vampire? And why does it only work when I drink blood?" I'm so confused.
"Well, we don't know for sure…I mean you've only had blood twice, right? How can you be sure it's connected to blood? Maybe you can do it on your own, but blood makes it easier?" he explains.
"How the hell am I supposed to test that theory? Stop drinking blood? I don't know how long I can go before I face consequences for not feeding. There's no record of anyone else like me, so there's no one to compare myself to!"
And I'm angry because the happiness from earlier is quickly fading, and I don't want to go back to feeling hopeless. I won't go back. I just have to figure out a way to get some answers.
