#belzebuub

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[cmroanirgo]

[searchreality]

Why I still search

Introduction

You wouldn't know it from stumbling upon this blog, but I've been looking into practices and concepts people would term as spiritual since early 2002. I've had many experiences (out of the body and in my everyday life) since then, and it's been really interesting. I think my life so far has turned out differently than it would have otherwise.

Why the title?

I've entitled this blog post as I have because I think that most people stop searching sooner or later. This may be a bit of a controversial statement, and it might not even be true, but it's what I've observed, and as such it's my opinion. It's not really that strange. There is attrition in most pursuits that require considerable dedication in life; people get busy, lose interest, develop resentment towards the thing they're doing, and all sorts of things. This applies to spiritual-type studies too, from what I can tell. Perhaps one day it will affect me too. I don't like considering the possibility, but people way more dedicated-seeming than me have moved on from these kinds of studies in the time I've been interested in them, and so statistically-speaking, I might too (though I hope not).

Some terminology

I keep saying "studies," so let's establish some terminology. I primarily study the teachings of the spiritual teacher Belzebuub (http://www.belzebuub.com) at the moment. It's not just his works, but a bunch of other ones as well (http://www.belzebuubteachings.com/sacred-texts/). I found out about how to have out-of-body experiences, be in the present moment, and a bunch of other stuff through courses based on his works that were running at the time, though. And yes, I've met him a number of times. I'll just refer to his teachings and the sacred texts as "the study," "Belzebuub's teachings," "esoteric studies" or similarly from now on. Also, the word "study" in itself usually implies a practical study, so just imagine I'm writing "study and practice" every time I use it.

What this blog post is and isn't

Let me say that the point of this blog post isn't really to address the reason for leaving the studies that I gave above because I don't entirely know why I'm still trying and others aren't, although I do know why I'm trying (which I'll get into). What I actually want to address is something I haven't for quite some time and for a variety of reasons. What I want to address is the implication that I'm involved in a cult or a cultish group - you know, in the negative sense. I'm not planning to say a whole lot - those who think of Belzebuub in that way probably have their own reasons, and it'd be foolish to think I'd change their minds in a blog post. I'm not writing this for them. I'm writing it for those who perhaps have a neutral standpoint in the matter or are simply interested in reading the words of a fellow student of Belzebuub's teachings.

Some background info and stuff

Oh yeah, and to write this post, I have to make some assumptions. Some of them might be wrong. I think I'll get the point across even if there are minor mistakes. I doubt you need this disclaimer, dear readers, but...well...you know.

Anyway, if you read http://www.gnosticfreedom.com, you can get an idea of the main beef those promoting the idea that The Gnostic Movement and related groups are cults have. Most of it seems to have been issues with how the organization was run and what they perceived as what it actually did vs. what it said. They also questioned the validity of Belzebuub's teachings compared to others.

This is where I tell you what I think

I'm going to be blunt here: I couldn't care less about most of the issues raised. That's not why I started these studies, and it's not why I continue them. Besides, I've dealt with lots of people and situations in The Gnostic Movement and related groups. They're good people. They probably make mistakes. They probably do things and then wish they hadn't. Maybe some make mistakes, don't realize, and uphold them as having been the right thing. Point is, people make mistakes, and a few of them aren't characteristic of an entire teaching. I did also mention situations, and, well, how do I put this...I know that sometimes things can go wrong and would prefer that they sometimes do? I think expecting life to go as I expect is crazy; it just doesn't, and there's a lot to be learned when it doesn't. I think the very definition of things going wrong is that they don't go as I expect. Who knows - maybe I'm just cognitively dissonant (I'm sure a few would say I am) - but I try to step back and see what I can learn from a situation and what hand I've had in causing it before blaming others.

That's part of why I still search, but I wouldn't say it's the main part. Really, I'm searching and studying these teachings simply because I've proven much more than I've disproven. I've had out-of-body experiences with many different techniques. I've been aware. I've woken up in dreams (lucid dreams). I've had lots and lots of interesting dreams to boot with symbols, numbers, etc. My life has improved. I've become more efficient. My attention is less scattered. If I hadn't started studying Belzebuub's teachings, the fact is that a lot of these things may never have happened. That isn't really the point, though; the point is that I am studying these teachings. For whatever reason, here I am. Nothing dangerous or whatever has happened to me, so here I continue. Before I am disciplined and try hard enough to really be able to prove or disprove a lot more, I'm continuing to study these teachings. Others' experiences are their own; I do what makes sense to me.

Separating the known and unknown

Belzebuub has emphasized the importance of separating what one knows from what one doesn't know more than once, and I'm trying to practice that. There's a lot I don't know, some things I think may be true because of what I've experienced, and some things I have experienced. I try to draw a clear line between all of those. This seems to have served me pretty well. It sometimes leaves me feeling a bit lost or out of place among others who seem to know more (or perhaps have more faith), but that's OK; it's just the way I do things, and future experience will undoubtedly lead me to rethink and revise my approach.

Conclusion (follow me on Twitter)

So to sum this up, I still search because I know I still have to. I haven't gone into enough depth with what I'm doing right now to consider doing something else, and nothing in my experience of things suggests that I should. Dabbling in spiritual philosophies is common these days, but to me it makes more sense that one needs to put in the time - properly - before one can move on to the next thing, if the first thing doesn't work. Otherwise, it's just dabbling, whatever the justifications may be.

There you have it...it's an interesting start to this blog, to say the least. I don't expect other entries to be about the whole cult thing. I'm not sure what they'll be yet...so stay tuned and follow me on Twitter (@kkaland) to keep up-to-date.

[jjasminj-blog-blog]

 Belzebuub's Story

I have no wish to convince anyone of what I have done, but I write about it because it happened, and it is true. And because in writing about it, others who may wish to do what I have done can know that it is possible.

I doubt that many will be interested in going deeper to find the truths behind it and I doubt that many will take the same journey as I have, but there may be some, and for those I write, for gentle, spiritual people for whom love is the highest quality, for inner revolutionaries who wish for true freedom, and, ultimately for those who wish without compromises to awaken.

I sit here writing this, quietly immersed in divine bliss, I don’t have to do anything, it is all engulfing at this moment, and although at this stage it still ebbs and flows, it is part of me, permanently, its always there. The torments of the path come to engulf it but never actually do, states that are opposed to it exist side by side with it, because it is not of their nature, in engulfing pain it still exists as it is not bodily, it exists despite every thought. It is something entirely different to human experience, it is its own kind, its own root. Its available to all who are prepared to pay its price, its price is uncompromising and demanding, it always has been.

This is a short very summarized version of how I took up this work and what I’ve done so far, no one ever knows if they will progress from the stage they are at, as the path is so difficult, and nothing is guaranteed, it never is, not for anyone nor at any stage. What I’ve gone through serves as useful information to help others along the way, while what has come to me as a gift and a mercy teaches.

It’s likely that there will be much that you are unfamiliar with in this story and don’t understand, you would have to walk the same path will really understand what it’s about, but there is much more material available that will explain the meanings of what I’m writing, if you look for it.

Although what has been done and gained is esoteric, there is much to actually living it that doesn’t come across in accounts like this, not by me nor by many others who have done some of all of this.

I’ll begin at my childhood and will just mention that I had many psychic faculties and experiences as a child and that my interest in spirituality and the esoteric began at the age of eight. I read Blavatsky’sSecret Doctrine when I was thirteen.

At the ages of 19 and 20 I studied the work of J. Krishnamurti and keenly sat at or near the front of the audience for every talk he gave at Brockwood Park at that time. I was inspired by his awareness and spent much time practicing it, but having studied his teachings thoroughly I felt they were leading me nowhere.

I studied philosophy and art at university but became engulfed in intellectual theory, while at the same time drawn into the pursuit of pleasure with the teachings of Alan Watts—a track that proved spiritually destructive.

After university, I travelled to the Middle East for a while and then lived in Scandinavia, spending time in the Swedish forests before going to Copenhagen where I stayed in the alternative community ‘Christiania’, before joining a group of Irish travelers. While in Scandinavia I attended various new age groups.

Returning to the UK I decided that the search for the spiritual was what I really wanted to do above all else, and decided to dedicate my whole life to it. I attended several groups including the Buddhists, psychic meetings, and Raja Yoga. However I felt that the key to awakening was found in sex and none of these offered anything I could use, so I left these groups to continue my search.

I found a Gnostic group of Samael Aun Weor and was astonished to find that the description of a mystical experience described in the book The Flight of the Feathered Serpent matched several I had. I decided to practice the teachings intensively and discovered the astral plane though out-of-body experiences. The group exercises at that time seemed “magical”—it was as though the line between the other world and this had dissolved and I entered into profound esoteric teachings for the first time while out of my body.

After practicing intensively I was astonished to begin the path to enlightenment. I awakened the kundalini and began the process of initiations in the higher worlds.

In one of these initiations I created the philosophers stone, and in another I struck the sword upon it (a reference found in the Arthurian legend), the myths and legends of the past were coming to life.

The path is not like many imagine, one of beauty, light, peace, love etc, it has those elements but it also has its tests and trials that must be overcome, when they are initiations follow in the higher worlds, from these you gain spiritual principles and faculties that then allow the spiritual feelings to manifest.

Take a look at the teachings of Jesus and you will find a struggle between darkness and light, look at the lives of his disciples and you will find struggles and persecution, look through ancient myths such as the Odyssey and you will find an adventure of adversity and triumph – this is the path.

For me it inevitably brought difficulties of many kinds to my life, including poverty, illness, injustice and persecution. The lives of others around you becomes embroiled in what you need to go through, even those in the same spiritual organization will unknowingly play their part. The only one who knows and will put you through unfairness and suffering is one who is on the path and is your guide, strange though it may sound, this is how it works.

On my journey then I received much hatred from others in the organization I belonged to, but I didn’t respond back with negativity, instead I did my duty without saying a word about what I was doing spiritually. If I would face injustice I knew that spiritually it fell upon the perpetrators, not upon me.

Eventually I incarnated three major forces within me – the human soul, the divine soul and the divine spirit. Following this, after much suffering I incarnated the universal force known as the Christ.

The life of Jesus describes what happens on the path to awakening, in the New Testament Jesus is described as The Christ. The birth of Jesus in the stables represents the birth of the Christ within a person, the animals in the stables representing the animal desires, which the Christ is amongst. There are three stages to the path called mountains, the incarnation of the Christ happens in the first initiation of the second of these. From there symbolically followed the slaughter of the innocents, the hiding, baptism (also mentioned in many different religions), the arid time in the desert and then the meeting in the temple with the authorities within the religion. The life of Jesus reveals the events of the path.

In that meeting in the temple Jesus said he was the fulfillment of the scriptures and revealed himself as teacher, those present wanted to stone him, but he went his own way. This is the point on the path where the walker of it reveals what they have done and the name of their Being who has been incarnated is revealed. At this stage I revealed the name of my Being Belzebuub, and, just as the religious authorities of the day turned against Jesus and attacked him so to the Gnostics in the organization I belonged to throughout the world tried to have me thrown out of the religion (they couldn’t because its spiritual leader didn’t support them), so they attacked me with words and turned away from me one by one. This process is inevitable for anyone at this stage of the path.

The spiritual teacher, seeing the appalling state of the organization forbade it to use his own books and stopped it from teaching the public. He had said publicly that he would live until he had a successor advanced enough on the path, as soon as I went my way, the old leader died.

The leadership of the inner spiritual school in the higher worlds passed from the old teacher to me. Those who were with me formed a new organization.

As the path continued I was being transformed by every stage, with each giving higher levels of psychic abilities and bliss. Out of my body I was given access to incredible esoteric teachings, fragments of which can be seen in myths and religions around the world.

I worked through the subconscious regions of the mind, exploring the dark side of the moon out of the body, I entered regions unknown to present day humanity, revealing the complex structures of the psyche, in their forms, energies, origins, links and processes. I entered the symbolic heavenly Jerusalem in the higher worlds and gained the ability to separate consciousness from mind (symbolized by Jesus riding the donkey).

Eventually events culminated in the betrayal, trial, scourging and crucifixion. The betrayal occurred with someone very close to me (there are three, one on each mountain, the first is relatively minor and not often counted as such as the Christ is not present in that). My reputation was ruined by deliberate lies that were told about personal aspects of my life, I was surrounded by an entire community of people who I grew up with who condemned me unjustly and destroyed a life I had. It is tough to face lies. During this I went through the symbolic inner death and the funeral tests. Lies and hatred were used against me to persecute me throughout the process, and I couldn’t defend myself. Thus Jesus said the father of evil is the father of lies. Finally I made it to the resurrection, I was given the Holy Grail and the Phoenix bird rose from the ashes. Eventually I helped the person who did that to me and began a new life away from the old.

I continued with the path at a higher level, on the third stage, where the work of Judas has to be accomplished, I explored the limits of the human condition. I explored regions where lust reigns in all its forms, uncovering them and overcoming them. I faced love and lust, going to the depths of the psyche in its extreme limits, where morality becomes danger, to walk blindly in the minefield of the difficult path, enduring the darkness of the withdrawn light, the painful repentance’s, the crying out for light in the depths of the pitiless egos.

Through this I merged with the force of the Christ, and began the long process of the payment of the hardest karma enduring celibacy over many weakening years, I suffered the many traps that were set for me by both demons and divine beings. I achieved control over the sexual force itself and was given a new mission. Having gone through the tests, at the most weakened point, I was shown the person who would betray me. I announced who that person was going to be to a group of my students a week before anything happened in this world, then the betrayal of the third mountain began with the same kind of lies, injustice, suffering and accusers with falsifications, repeating the previous process of betrayal, judgment and crucifixion.

This process is not unique to Christianity: it has been described by many different religions and esoteric teachings. Joan of Arc was born at an advanced stage of the path (the third mountain), but had some of it to finish. What she went through in her life completed a stage of it.

In the process of my path, Gnostics from many different groups combined and persecuted me, destroying the vehicle of the inner Gnostic esoteric school in the world, and so I went my way, taking the living esoteric knowledge with me and leaving the Gnostic organizations as empty religions, full of fanatic believers, empty shells with no inner esoteric value. This process has happened many times to others in the past.

Years after the crucifixion of Jesus most of his followers became Christians and they persecuted the Gnostics, driving them away. Ironically, in modern times it is the Gnostics who persecuted the inner esoteric part, driving it away. They became what the persecuting Christians once were.

The words Jesus spoke on the cross relate to tests in the initiation. One night, while my body slept, in a deep region of the mind, I came across the representation of two people who instigated the betrayal and who persecuted me, this test would reveal what I actually felt towards them in the deepest parts of my mind. I embraced them with love, not the love of a sickly do-gooder, but a love that cannot go away, a love without thought, unshakable, unbreakable, no hatred or malice existed in my psyche, it was destroyed in the path. Forgiveness requires not a giving up of justice nor of the right to defense, but of all the negativity that can distort it. At its highest level actions of others cannot affect love. To reach to that is essential to be able to progress at that later stage in the transformation of the path. The eleventh aeon brings the most terrible sufferings, most who begin it never get through. The funeral tests are too difficult for words.

Amongst the suffering the Christ lives, amongst the inner torments, weakness and pain, he is not thought or feeling, but is in it, he senses as I, he and I are one. Unknowable, divinity within, not ordinary because divinity exists, not worshiped as divine because the ordinary exists, my opposite is myself who I must overcome. I am my Fathers son and his servant, my life is to do his will, unseen, unknown, despised by the world and yet free. All praise to the Father, as I walk through the Great Era of Darkness, guarding the light, in which is contained all hope for humanity.

Now that’s that written, I’ll go outside for a short walk and perceive the beautiful currents and flows of the elementals of nature and the divine waves of the cosmos, wishing that others have what I have and more.

Peace to the world,

Belzebuub

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