I doubt that anybody will care but I have an idea for a batshit crazy Bill/Bev/Ben Death Becomes Her AU based off the titular horror comedy from the 90's. If you have no idea what death becomes her is, get ready, cause this au is going to be very weird cause everyone is comically awful and OOC and that's kind of the point:
Ben and Bev are engaged to be wed in a few months and they go to the book signing of Ben's old author friend Bill Denbrough. Bill is having some issues with his self image and career, to the point people at the book signing only show up to give him a hard time. They tell him he's old, washed up, and ultimately out of ideas- so now it's not too uncommon for Bill to stress over getting wrinkles or grey hairs in the future. Ben on the other hand is anxious, he hasn't seen Bill in forever and to say they have a very rocky friendship would be an understatement. Bev wanted to meet him though, she loves his books, and he figures she's going to have to meet him sometime or another- better if Ben could at least be there for it.
He lights up in the presence of Bev and asks her and Ben to follow her to a private area so they can get to know each other. Bill is intrigued to know Bev is a fashion designer since that means she specializes in making people look good and works with beautiful people all the time. He invites her to say what she would do to him, you know... professionally ;). Ben sees what's happening and tries to get her to leave but it's too late and the sparks are already flying. Later on he tells Bev that Bill is basically a big whore, he's stolen every girlfriend he's ever had, including actress Audra Phillips, and only wanted her to meet Bill to test if she could resist his "author's charm". He begs her not to fall for him because if he lost ANOTHER woman to Bill he wouldn't be able to take it, especially not Beverly. Beverly says he's being paranoid and ridiculous about this, but reassures her that she absolutely, without a doubt, never in a million years, would have any interest in Bill Denbrough.
So anyways, fast forward four months and Bev and Bill are getting married. Ben is not happy about it. Like... at all. He's clenching his fists so hard in the pews his nails are digging into his skin and he's bleeding. Things are only going to get worse though, so just wait.
Seven years pass and everything in Bill and Bev's life is fairly good, they don't sleep in the same bed anymore, Bill is a narcisst obsessed with plastic surgery, and Bev has completely given up fashion to be a mortician cause her business tanked, but hey, at least they live in a big beautiful mansion. And at least they're doing better than Ben, because let me tell you, Ben is NOT doing well.
He's been in a depressed state ever since Bev left him and his life had gone down the shitter, he's gained a lot of weight to the point he kind of looks like when skinny celebrities wear fat suits in comedy movies, he never showers, he doesn't have a job, he's about to be evicted from his crappy apartment, and he's basically a crazy cat lady now. He copes with his shitty life by eating entire tubs of frosting while he obsessively reads the same chapter of one of Bill's books over and over again, it's the best part, when Bill's author self insert gets strangled to death from the Serial Killer's POV. It's really funny... well at least it's funny to Ben.
Ben is such a wreck his landlord pauses hounding him for rent to call for a wellness check.
He gets taken to Juniper Hills but that's okay because this is like thr seventh time he's been here, he's on a first name basis with all the staff and regulars and every single one of them is sick of his shit. It's so bad during group therapy sessions nobody wants Ben to talk because they just know he's going to obsess over Bill the wholetime. He's all he ever talks about and he feels like a total lost cause to them, mostly because he's yet to lose even a single pound or get a new job inbetween all his trips to the psycheward. His doctor flat out tells him the only way to move on is to "expel Bill Denbrough from his life", and Ben takes that advice in the worst way possible.
Another seven years pass and somehow Bev and Bill's marriage has gotten worse. They're invited to a party thrown by Ben to celebrate a new building he designed going up and Bill has to attend cause ruining Ben's life is about the only thing that gives him a thrill anymore. He's looking forward to getting his face touched up and seeing how much fatter Ben is now. When he gets to the spa/salon though they refuse to do anything for him because he's clearly getting addicted to it. When Bill says that money is no option though the manager discreetly gives him the adress of some random person he never heard of and tells him they'll fix him up.
At the party Bill sees a random overweight man from behind and assumes that's Ben, until the REAL Ben makes his grand appearance and- much to Bill's astound horror- reveals he is now thin, ripped, and handsome. He's forty and he looks twenty four. Ben acts all friendly and humble around Bill, pretending like his new look is simply exercise, eating healthy, and a positive attitude, but Bill knows something is wrong. What's worse is that Beverly seems rather taken with Ben now, not because he's pretty persay, but just because she's sick of Bill and it makes him jealous.
Bill is so jealous in fact he leaves the party in a huff to go see that mystery person from earlier and meets Patrick Hockstettor, a somewhat psychopathic witch? mad scientist? Honestly nobody knows what he is, but he looks fifteen and is actually hundreds of years old- so Bill wants whatever he's having. He presents him with an elixer, a lovely potion that promises him everything he could ever want.
"I offer a service here, Mr. Denbrough, a very elite service. I have a secret you would simply DIE for, after all- wouldn't you die just to look so alive again? It's a little touch of magic in a world so tirelessly obsessed with science, a vile of water from the proverbial fountain of youth. You see, If you want perfection dear William, all you have to do is take a drink and kill your old complexion. Let yourself be reborn with a new lease on life, welcome yourself into your new skin, and the first step to this wonderful metamorphosis is to chug. I can assure you it's safe, lots of people in your tax bracket have partook in this expirement. Famous comedian Richie Tozier comes to mind, and i'll tell you what I told him: "beauty has a price, but the price is well worth it". So what'll it be there, billy boy?".
Bill is obviously very hesitant at first, but he still gives in pretty quickly. He takes it and right before his very eyes sees as his grey hairs, receding hairline, eye bags, and forhead wrinkles fix themselves. He looks amazing, and he promptly pays Patryk almost all of his life savings.
Back at the house Ben drops by for a visit and makes the move on Bev. Eventually culminating in his pleading with her to kill Bill since he's ruined both of their lives.
After Bill comes back and Ben leaves Bev tries to give him another chance but they get into a little scuffle and Bill ends up falling down a whole stair case and snapping his neck.
Bev feels awful about this at first, but it's okay because Bill gets up just fine a few moments late, head twisted back wards yet still feeling no pain. Turns out, young The also means you can't die. Oops.
Bill doesn't have a pulse, heartbeat, or body heat anymore, so that's a bit troubling, and considering the fact he's dead now- his body is probably going to react very negatively to this.
So Bev uses her mortician and beauty industry skills to make Bill look more alive. She gets rid of all his blood, spray paints on a new skintone, brings out the whites in his eyes, ect. ect.
Ben shows up again and is rather stunned to find out that Bill is alive and figured out that they both took that stupid potion to look hot forever. He also figured that Ben has been conspiring against him for a while, so, totally unprompted, Bill grabs a gun and shots Ben right in the stomache. He gets up just fine, although now with a hole in his midsection and now the gloves are off. They start beating the absolute crap out of each other, feeling no pain at all. Bev gets tired of both of them and decides she's just going to start packing and leave.
Eventually, after snapping Bill's neck again and shooting a harpoon through Ben, the two men realize this is pointless and they should talk it out. They admit they hate each other, but there's something kind of beautiful about that, isn't there? Bill says he's sorry for constantly stealing Ben's partners and Ben says he's sorry for trying to kill Bill.
They make up and suddenly start acting like their bffs with nothing but the utmost respect for one another.
Bev is so fucking done with both of them she decides she's leaving and never wants to see them again.
Before she goes though she agrees to patch the boys up so they look like normal people again. Ben can't exactly go out inpublic with a hole in his tummy and Bill has to hold his head up by his hair or else it'll just hang limply like a rubber chicken. It's not ideal.
They realize as she's leaving though that if Bev goes they'll have no one to make sure their bodies stick together, so take her to Patrick and offer to buy the potion for her. Bev thinks about it but ultimately decides that it's not worth it. Death gives life purpose, and even if she didn't think that- what is she supposed to do after it? What if she gets sick? What if she gets in a firey explosion and ends up a charred skeleton forever? What if she gets bored living forever? Who would she even hang out with? Ben and Bill? Fuck no, those two are insane!! She runs away from all of them and manages to steal the potion so no one else can ever take it again. Patrick is so furious about this he tells Ben and Bill to never come back.
This bad. This is very very bad.
Ben and Bill's "skin" is peeling off, they're not allowed to ever talk to patrick again, Bev is gone, and they're both in very fragile states. Bill attempts to reassure Ben that everything will be fine, they'll take care of each other, make sure their bodies stay together, "i'll paint your ass, you'll paint mine".
Suddenly, Ben realizes how deeply ironic this is for both of them. It's so dark and depressing he can't help but laugh. Bill and Ben have hated each other for well over 20 years, and not they're just stuck together for ever and ever.
Infinity sure does seem a hell of a lot longer when it's with someone you despise. Ugh.
Maybe one of them will get lucky and develop stockholm syndrome tho.
27 years pass and before you know it, Bev dies peacefully at age 67, but she died a happy woman with a full life. Ben and Bill attend her funeral dressed head to toe in black coverings to hide how they look these days. They are admittedly worse at mortician stuff and make up than bev was, because Ben looks like he's melting and Bill's eyebrows look like they're going to fall off his face. As they're leaving the priest days Beverly found the true meaning to eternal youth and beauty, which was being a kind person who looks out for others.
Ben and Bill just laugh it off like it's total bullshit.
On their way out they get into an argument over missing spray cans and who's lost more limbs over the years, until Ben trips over one he accidentally dropped on the ground and falls down the stairs. Bill starts laughing about this until he trips over the same spray can and does the same.
They both break apart like mannequins on impact until both men are reduced to nothing but two disembodied heads at the bottom of the stairs.
And then Ben and Bill start to argue about petty shit that doesn't matter aaaallllll over again.
