#beret guy

[todays-xkcd]

If only my ancestors had been fortunate enough to marry into the branch of the bacteria family that could photosynthesize, like all my little green cousins here.

Stromatolites [Explained]

Transcript Under the Cut

[Cueball and Beret Guy, seen from a far in silhouette are walking up a grassy hill.]

[They continue walking up the hill, reaching its grassy summit. Now with a standard white background. Beret Guy is a bit ahead of Cueball.] Beret Guy: I learned something today. Beret Guy: I went on one of those family tree sites and kept clicking back, and it turns out I'm related to stromatolites!

[Closeup on Cueball. Beret Guy's reply comes off-panel from a starburst on the right edge of the panel.] Cueball: The bacterial mats? Beret Guy [off-panel]: Yeah! A few billion years back, on my mitochondria's side.

[Cueball and Beret Guy standing on the top of the grassy hill facing each other. Berety Guy holding a hand out towards Cueball.] Beret Guy: My Archaean ancestors absorbed some bacteria that were cousins of stromatolites. That's how I got mitochondria. Beret Guy: Cell nuclei, too.

[Cueball is standing behind Beret Guy who is now sitting down in the grass leaning back on one arm with the other arm resting on his bend knee.] Cueball: I think there are still living stromatolites. You could get in touch. Beret Guy: Nah, they're probably busy. I don't want to bother them.

[Cueball is sitting behind Beret Guy who is now lying down, both again shown in silhouette from a far, revealing they are on the top of the grassy hill.] Cueball: So what are you going to do with this knowledge? Nothing? Beret Guy: Lying on a hill in the warm sun is an old family tradition.

[yourfaveisanavatar]

The Beret Guy from XKCD is an entirely oblivious avatar of The Spiral (as pictured in comic 248: Hypotheticals, comic 1099: Tuesdays, and probably more)

the beret guy from xkcd is an avatar of the spiral!

[egsreactions]

[purelintrash]

ok so maybe lin is showing up everywhere

“Onboarding” https://m.xkcd.com/1812

(beret guy’s so right about the karaoke though)

[kirch]

I'm not sure what Beret Guy's business does, but I definitely want to work with him.

1, 2, 3, 4,5, 6, 7, 8,

[todays-xkcd]

The worst is when you wipe out in the barrel and you're trapped for several million years until erosion frees you.

Tectonic Surfing [Explained]

Transcript Under the Cut

[Cueball walks up to Beret Guy, who is standing with his knees bent slightly and arms stratched out to the sides.] Cueball: What are you doing? Beret Guy: Tectonic Surfing! Beret Guy: Radical! Gnarly! Hang loose! [Cueball leaves.] Narration: 20 Years Later: [Beret Guy has slid forward by a foot.]

[todays-xkcd]

"The police told me I can't be a doctor, but whenever they show up I just go into the Google Maps settings page I found and change the house to 'Police Headquarters' and then they have to do what I say."

Doctor's Office [Explained]

Transcript Under the Cut

[Beret Guy is sitting at a desk, wearing a lab coat. Cueball is walking in from the right.] Beret Guy: Welcome to the doctor! Beret Guy: We're like librarians, but for your bones and blood.

[Beret Guy is holding a thermometer attached to a device in Cueball's mouth and a bottle.] Beret Guy: Uh-oh! This beeper says you're too hot. Beret Guy: You should eat some of these little snacks that make you colder.

[Beret Guy is holding a pen, and Cueball is holding a clipboard with a crossword on it.] Beret Guy: We can make holes in you, but you have to fill out this form first. Cueball: This is a New York Times crossword. Beret Guy: Don't worry, it's a Monday, so it's not too hard.

[Beret Guy is now dragging in machine labeled "MRI" on a dolly.] Cueball: This is a doctor's office, right? Beret Guy: Yeah! It used to be my house, but I found the setting on Google Maps to change it. Beret Guy: Hey, wanna help find out what this box does? I bet it's loud!

[essaressellwye]

What in the XKCD beret guy is going on here?