#beth vents

[sillylandmagic]

Dear intellectual and developmental disabilities I have

You make me feel like I’m a child in a teenager’s body

Dear intellectual and developmental disabilities I have

You make me feel dumb

Dear intellectual and developmental disabilities I have

You make others think I can’t swear, make out with my boyfriend, or joke about sexual things

Dear intellectual and developmental disabilities I have

You make me unable to understand the world around me

Dear intellectual and developmental disabilities I have

You make me a cognitively delayed teenager who people undermine as having the mind of a child

Dear intellectual and developmental disabilities I have

I matter despite all these challenges

[sillylandmagic]

Just realized haven’t changed clothes since 5 days, and, haven’t showered since then either.

This what happens when no one tells me to change clothes, or shower. Been struggle with daily routines due to only having them during school mornings and weekdays.

Haven’t adapted to visual schedule for winter break, or weekends in general. So, don’t eat breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Don’t toilet. Don’t change clothes. Don’t brush hair or teeth. Don’t shower.

During weeks like these where have no visuals, or have to make them myself which hard, and parents working. Just realize how much support need. Feel bad, feel like… not a big kid.

Should be able to? Know that should do these things, but, won’t do unless told, or prompted, or physically helped.

I am 16 years old? But, why don’t feel like that? Age for birthdays just number to me, not how feel.

This what mid-high needs looks like. This what intellectually disabled looks like. This what moderate autism looks like.

[sillylandmagic]

It’s so frustrating being unable to advocate for others to use my right pronouns. I can’t form my thoughts into words on how my pronouns mean to me.

I am nonbinary, I use they/them pronouns. But I can’t explain further. I can’t explain why I feel this way because of intellectual disability and cognitive issues disabling me to the point of not being able to describe my identity.

I can’t verbally say “Remember I use They/Them pronouns. I have for a long time. Please use them.” BECAUSE the most I can say in a sentence is 5 words.

BECAUSE my brain blocks me from communicating this in any way. Even writing this post is hard because of my brain not allowing me to express anything else.

I am non-binary. And I use they/them pronouns. This is all I can say regarding my gender identity.

I don’t have the words to explain any more. It’s frustrating. These thoughts are trapped in my head and I don’t have to words for them.

[sillylandmagic]

Being a speech-language impaired person is the worst when I have to figure out the words to tell my mom that my IEP isn’t being followed.

It’s near impossible to advocate for myself.

[sillylandmagic]

I hate when wrong words come out of mouth. Say “I didn’t know” when I do know. Say inappropriate thing when didn’t mean to say it.

Even when using other types of aac, happens. Gesture or point to wrong thing, or say mhm(yes) instead of mm-mm(no).

Don’t have enough words on communication board. Don’t have energy to make another one.

Get so frustrated, wish could be like other semi verbal people who can talk but just in short sentences and no physical issues talking.

But no, have to get type where mouth doesn’t say right words, all types of communication is hard even nonverbal communication. Had to get type where talking is hard on lungs cause have to take breaths between talking. Have to have type where language is affected so much that it near impossible to communicate basic needs in any way.

So frustrated, I know it may seem like have good communication due to typing all this. But, lots of stuff I’m typing is hard to comprehend with my brain. Just typing stuff, hard to explain.

[sillylandmagic]

No autism is not a quirky identity I can’t wipe my own butt

[sillylandmagic]

Feel like a bad Beth.

Not a big girl.

Not eat, not bathe, not brush teeth and hair, not toilet, not cook, not laundry, not clean, not dishes, not independent.

HATE

I will never be a big girl no matter how much I grow in age.

Always need help.

Want to be high functioning, want to be low needs, WANT TO BE A BIG GIRL SMART GIRL BETH

☹️

[sillylandmagic]

For god sakes, you diaper fetish people stop fucking interacting with my post about my experience with incontinence.

Don’t even READ it, I have gotten three accounts who are ddlg abdl what the fuck other kinds of people who find that stuff sexy. I AM NOT ONE OF YOU, STOP. I AM A DISABLED MINOR WHO HAS BATHROOM ISSUES.

If only higher needs disabled people could talk about their personal experiences without having some person who wears diapers for fun and for fetish, liking my post!!