Surviving is not enough.
When you are walking alone down the fourth way you will find yourself unable to set up alarm clocks for yourself.
I don't say it's impossible to understand your place, your problems, the need to remember yourself and to not identify, but it becomes very difficult to keep your Aim always up front, even more if you feel in a terrible mood.
I told myself "I won't do play videogames next weekend".
Today I played videogames in abundance.
I admit that the need to stop playing videogames, so at least to get some energy, was something I identified many times ago.
Playing videogames make me overcome my existential sadness. But in the wider scheme of the things it is an act killing both my generation and all my chances to pursue the Aim of the Great Freedom, and is pushing me to merely survive versus getting the gift of becoming someone.
Substantially there is a small voice that still tells me "Surviving is not enough". This really sucks, because after 5x8 hours a week someone does not want to feel more shit because you like to behave like all the sleepers out there who don't care about their mechanicity.
Aggravating fact: I had hints that this stuff works and makes miracles. I attempted several things to keep playing videogames while working, but everything that required me to try acting consciously was killed after a few weeks because the Fourth Way is like a second job and requires you to be patient. Also, unlike saving the princess yet another time, the reward in this life, if walked alone, seems too distant.
God help me.