"Okay, so what the hell happened back there?" Draco asked, his grey eyes trained on her face.
Hermione took a deep breath. "There is no easy way to say this, so I will just tell you. I'm a witch," she said, bracing herself for a freakout.
He blinked once, twice. But then, he started to laugh. "Come on," he scoffed. "Really?"
"Yes, really. I am a witch. I have magic," she explained. "That's why I am so good at my job. I can transfigure your apples to be granny smith or fold your socks with a wiggle of my nose. I can conjure a pair of football socks or give you a warming charm when you offer me your jacket." She felt her cheeks go red at all that she was admitting to him about what she'd been up to.
"Prove it," he said, jutting his chin in the air, skeptical as ever.
"Okay..." Hermione said, looking around the room. Draco's clothing was strewn around his suitcase on the floor after nearly two weeks of living out of it, messy as ever. A wiggle of her nose had his laundry gathered and folded, before sliding carefully away into the suitcase.
His eyes widened in shock and he leaned away from her. "What the fuck," he whispered, aghast.
(This AU starts years before Thor gets banished btw.)
Loki realizes that Thor is guaranteed to get the throne of Asgard and he is not really important to Asgardian society. So he decides to leave Asgard and go to Earth and pretends to be a human. (If you want the AU spicy, Loki can find out that he is a Frost Giant right before he leaves.)
Odin being the 'great' father he is, let Loki do it because that's is one less problem he has to deal with.
Loki as a human, decides to be a historian and go to college. There, Loki meets Stephen, studying to be a brain surgeon.
Them two hit it off and start dating. After they graduate and getting into their job fields, they get married and live a happy life with their plant babies. Stephen is less of an asshole and Loki has a good self-esteem. (Not great, but good progress.)
But, New York gets attacked by someone or something. (Basically a replacement for Loki in the Avengers movie.) The Avengers are trying to stop the attack, but they are on the losing side.
Meanwhile, Loki and Stephen was enjoying their day off until they get attacked. They run away, but Stephen got hurt (Nothing severe) and Loki goes apeshit. He transforms into his godly form and start wreaking shit. (Think of Madara from Naruto when he went against an entire army.)
Stephen and the Avengers are all confused because Loki just an entire army by himself. Then, Loki finds that person that started the whole attack and beats their ass. (Basically the Nezuko vs Daki but with magic.)
Somehow, Stephen finds Loki first and asks him "wtf was that?!" and Loki tells to go a the house/apartment and he will tell him everything. But, not now because he has to hide from Thor. (Loki thinks that Thor will take him back to Asgard.) All the while, the Avengers are trying to find out who destroyed the army, when Thor reveals that the destroyer was possibly his brother.
After everything calmed down, Loki finally comes to the house/apartment and about to tell Stephen everything, when Thor and Avengers barges in. They take (Kidnap) Loki and Stephen to their base so Loki can explain everything. While Loki is explaining, Stephen sort of zones out and connects all of the weird things Loki does (Talking to animals and understanding them, singing to plants to make them 10 times bigger, and speaking almost every language even dead ones etc.) to magic.
After that, some asks Loki if he wants to join the Avengers and he immediately declines. Loki states that he is not Loki, God of Mischief anymore, instead he is Loki Strange, Historian and translator.
Following that, is when the magical and godly shenanigans happen in the Strange household.
Including
• Loki using magic constantly and Stephen getting used to it
• Thor coming to their house which always ends up causing someone (Usually Thor.) to get punched and/or stabbed
• Frigga visiting and treating Stephen like a son
• Odin never coming over and he will be fought on site if he tries
• Loki's magic stop working and his Jotun side is exposed
Sorry if this doesn't make sense. I wrote this at 2 am. This AU has been on my mind for a while and I finally wrote it down.
It was a classic story. They had collided on the street, apologizing profusely overtop one another; him picking up the bags he’d knocked from her hands, her reaching for the coat she’d knocked off his arm, smiling at one another before walking their separate ways. Then it happened again, just as before, except that this time they both turned their heads to the side as they recognized the other. What a funny coincidence. The third time, however, made it feel like fate and so the man with the sky in his eyes asked the woman whose face was dotted in pretty freckles to lunch. As a romantic, the man couldn’t help but feel he’d just met the love of his life. Yet, he couldn’t have realized that the love of his life would also be a witch.
Read the fic here!
I wrote this fic last Promptober (holy heavens that was almost a year ago!!), but I made this moodboard to match it for the INCREDIBLE and gift to mankind @agentofship!!! Sabrina, you’re the best! 💜
“These are all boring,” Wanda complained. “And wrong.”
“What’s wrong with a house,” Bucky wondered. Wanda had been poking at real-estate sites on the internet for the last three days. Apparently his apartment wasn’t going to do anymore, and Wanda was looking to move out to the suburbs.
Bucky was pretty sure he could afford a house in the suburbs, although he had never really considered the idea before. And the commute was going to be a bitch and a half.
“No one considers the flow of energy,” she said. “All these buildings have no emotional spirit. They’re as dead as a box of crackers, and about as interesting.”
“Are you talking about feng shui?”
“I’m talking about containing the energy of the house inside, of making it strong, and keeping our family safe,” Wanda said.
“Our family?”
“Well, just you and me, so far, but there might be more family,” Wanda suggested. “That is the goal, isn’t it, to have children?”
“Will they be witches?”
“They’re certainly not going to be penguins,” Wanda said. “Witchcraft is half innate, half training. They’re just a little more likely to be witches than your normal second grader.”
“Okay,” Bucky said. He filed that away under things to think about later. “So, you’re not happy with these houses. We can always have something built to specifications. Buy land, and build.”
“How long does that take?”
“Depends on what you want. Ten to sixteen months,” Bucky said. “Since I don’t think what you want is a customized box-house. All your cracker box houses can be moved around like building blocks. We can talk to an architect, find out what you’re looking for.”
“Sixteen months?” Wanda wailed. “That’s ridiculous, I can build a house in four hours.”
“Yes, darling, but people will notice,” Bucky said. “And you said you weren’t going to do obvious witchery anymore.”
“Is four months reasonable?” Wanda wondered. “I can make it look like your architect came in and built the house. Just. You know, faster.”
“Can you show me what you’re thinking about?”
Wanda smiled, delighted, and pushed the chair around to face him. He didn’t usually ask her to do much magic. She’d done some, of course, as she got adjusted to things like washing dishes (instead of just stacking them in the dishwasher where the water pressure smashed them to bits) and she didn’t much like dusting. His apartment was cleaner than it had ever been, and he hadn’t even had to buy a vacuum. He’d been borrowing his landlord’s about once every two months since he moved in.
She wiggled her nose and moved her fingers and she was cupping a tiny model home in her hands.
“Uh, that looks like the Hobbit homes got together with a Transylvanian castle and had a bastard cabin,” Bucky said. “No. No, no, no, people are going to think it’s weird, and they’re going to come by and stare at it.”
Wanda smushed her hands together, and when she opened them again, there was something a little less… noteworthy. Victorian style, three story.
“Is the tower necessary?” It wasn’t too outlandish, and certainly he’d seen Victorian homes that dotted up and down the East Coast. No one would stare too much.
“The tower is absolutely necessary,” Wanda said. “I need the top of the Tower.”
“For what?”
“Witch stuff,” she said. “Don’t worry, no one will notice.”
“We can probably find an original Victorian, if you want to take the time to restore it,” Bucky said, “that’s in our price range.”
“All right,” Wanda said, clapping her hands together. “Let’s go shopping for a house.”
“Today? It takes time to get an appointme--”
Wanda’s nose was already wiggling. “I think you’ll find if you call--” she handed him a card. “An appointment just opened up.”
*
When it turned out that Bucky’s biggest objection to moving wasn’t the work commute -- Stark was delighted to set up some sort of hard-light display in Bucky’s new home-office where they could talk and run diagnostics while a bright blue Tony Stark walked around the room, projected by a device on the ceiling (and Bucky complained about Wanda’s magic) -- or the smallness of the neighborhood, but that most of his friends lived in the city, and so he’d miss a lot of the spontaneous social activities, Wanda knew she had work to do.
Sam was easiest to relocate. She leaned on his boss and got him a promotion, that came with some moving expenses, and Sam found the perfect little rental, right in their neighborhood. Across the street. What a coincidence A month after that, Natasha stopped complaining and moved in with her boyfriend.
It had an attached garage apartment, and not long after that, Clint got evicted and ended up renting the apartment.
Steve and Peggy were harder, but Wanda did some tugging and poking, and then-- turned out Peggy had a long lost great aunt who died, leaving Peggy sole owner of a nice house just down the street.
“How lovely,” Wanda exclaimed when they were told the news. “We will all be able to have neighborhood barbeques!”
“You think your brother will come by?” Sam asked, because of course he did.
“I can ask,” Wanda said.
“That would make us popular in the new neighborhood,” Sam said.
Bucky nodded. “I haven’t even met him yet.”
He hadn’t met any of Wanda’s family yet. That wasn’t an accident.
“Well,” Natasha added, giving Wanda a suspicious look, “seems like a housewarming barbeque is the perfect time.”
Another entry in the series: Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered
Summary: It’s never the right time to meet the in-laws, is it? Kurt and Blaine have surprise guests.
Rated: G
Characters: Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson, Burt Hummel, Carole Hudson-Hummel, Pam Anderson
Words: ~4800
AU, Mashup with the 1960′s US tv series Bewitched
Warnings: None
Chapters: 2 of 2
Notes: And Chapter 2!
Read the rest of the verse:
I Married A Witch - AO3, tumblr
One Big Happy Family - AO3
thanks to my beta @honeysucklepink!
--
The neighborhood tour goes smoother than Kurt could hope for. Carole manages to slip her arm through Blaine’s right at the start of their walk, and she deflects some of the more invasive questions he knows his dad wants to ask. Kurt has an uneasy feeling that this short trip is going to last an eternity.
Kurt tries to convince his dad that they should have dinner at a local Italian restaurant, but Burt insists they just go back to Kurt’s place and order Chinese food. It’s one of Burt’s favorite things to do, so Kurt relents, but he’s sure Burt just wants a quiet place to start his real line of questioning with Blaine. They get settled back at Kurt’s apartment and Kurt wanders off to the kitchen to place their order.
When he rejoins Blaine and his parents all sitting in the living room they are in mid conversation, but it’s Carole talking, so he’s not too worried. Blaine smiles at him, but doesn’t look like he’s been raked over by Burt yet. Kurt spares a glance at his dad, who seems to be content to listen, at least for the moment.
“So how long have you been a teacher Blaine?” Carole asks. “Kurt said you teach kindergarten?”
“Um, yes, yes I do. And I’ve been teaching for just three years. I have one more class in early development to take to finish my masters.”
“And when will you be taking that?” Burt asks.
“I’ll be taking it during the school year, at night.”
“I didn’t realize you had another class to take,” Kurt says, momentarily surprised, but sitting down next to his husband on the couch and tangling his fingers in Blaine’s. Blaine gives him a grateful smile. “Did you tell me that and I forgot already?” Kurt instantly regrets saying anything when he sees the suspicious look on his dad’s face.
“Actually I don’t think I did,” Blaine answers, oblivious to Burt’s expression. “I’ll have to head up to Columbia two nights a week for the semester, then do some in-class certification.”
“You didn’t know that Kurt?” Burt asks, and Kurt sees Carole roll her eyes.
“We haven’t really got around to talking about the fall schedule yet, Dad. As I told you on the phone, school doesn’t end for a couple weeks and Blaine is busy. Besides, we’re really focused on getting the apartment ready to sell, so we can start looking for something a little bigger.”
“So what do you do to keep yourself busy in the summers?” Carole asks. Kurt appreciates that she’s trying to keep the conversation to simple topics, even if he can see his dad waiting to pounce.
“Oh!” Blaine genuinely grins, and Kurt can’t help but smile too. Blaine’s smile was one of the things that had captivated him from the start. “I teach music too, to kids mostly, so in the summer I have some extra classes during the week.”
“Oh, do you teach singing?” Burt asks.
“No, at least no one’s ever asked.” Blaine’s hands are flitting around a little, obviously nervous in front of Burt, and Kurt wonders if he can will Blaine to relax just with his thoughts. “I’m not sure I’d be a good vocal coach, but I teach piano and guitar, and once someone asked for ukulele lessons - that was fun, I sort of had to teach myself along the way that time.”
“You do this in your apartment?”
“Uh huh. The front room - you walk right past it before the living room, is set up as my studio. I teach a couple of days after school now, and sometimes on Saturdays. But I’m trying to keep Saturdays free now so Kurt and I can have that time together.” Blaine looks over at Kurt and smiles softly. Burt just grunts.
“What about your family? Are they in the area?”
“Burt, give the boy a break,” Carole scolds. She’s gentle but Burt doesn’t pursue it further.
“It’s okay,” Blaine answers. “I know this was a bit of a surprise, and we have a lot to learn about each other.” Kurt is impressed. “My mother has an apartment in the city, but her primary residence is near Boston,” Blaine says.
“Primary?” Burt is leaning forward in his chair, like he always does when he watches college football, so Kurt steps in to try to take some of the heat off Blaine.
“Blaine’s mother grew up in Europe, Dad,” Kurt tries to explain. He even thinks that’s right, although he’s doesn’t know the exact history of Blaine’s family; every time Kurt asks more probing questions Blaine gets evasive with his answers - but he’s pretty sure this will satisfy his dad for the moment. He can get more details from Blaine later, before they have to introduce them to each other. “She came to the states after she and Blaine’s father broke up.”
Burt scowls a little, but it’s mild, and Kurt is pretty sure he’s the only one who catches it, Carole had pulled Blaine’s attention away from Burt again, and Kurt is going to have to raid the Vogue sample closet for the scarf and the Hermés bag to thank her for her help this weekend.
“So how are things at Vogue honey?” Carole asks.
“Oh, so good,” Kurt leaps at the question. “We have a busy schedule coming up. We’ve started planning the spring issue already so there are photo shoots to prepare, and we are doing final retouching on the fall issue so that can get to print.” Kurt’s about to continue when Blaine excuses himself and leaves the room. Kurt watches him for a moment, then goes on telling Carole about the photo shoots, but when Blaine doesn’t return in a few minutes he starts to worry.
Kurt’s about to get up to make sure his husband is okay when Blaine comes back into the living room, eyes wide and mouth tight, and shakes his head once, so Kurt doesn’t ask what’s going on (but that answers the question about whether or not Blaine can communicate with him telepathically, which is a little disappointing Kurt has to admit). Less than a minute later the doorbell rings.
“Ooh that must be dinner.” Kurt jumps up and heads to the door, not hearing Blaine call after him until he already had has one hand on the doorknob.
When he opens the door he is not greeted by his favorite delivery person, but by an attractive, slightly older woman, with striking grey streaks in her hair, and hazel eyes so identical to Blaine’s that Kurt is momentarily speechless. She’s dressed in a navy and silver caftan-like dress that Kurt estimates must have cost in the thousands of dollars. He has never seen this woman before, not even in pictures, but his heart leaps into his throat because she can only be one person.
“You must be Kirby,” she says, holding her hand out in a gesture that clearly expects Kurt to kiss the back of it.
“It’s Kurt, Mother,” Blaine corrects tersely as he appears at Kurt’s side. “As I am sure you know.” Blaine looks at Kurt. “Mother, this is my husband. Kurt Hummel.” She hmms and looks Kurt over, but he does manage to take her hand. “Kurt, this is my mother. Pamela Anderson.”
Kurt wants to laugh but nothing comes out; he recovers quickly though. “It’s an unexpected pleasure. Blaine has told me so much about you.”
Pam looks innocently at Blaine. “You said come by for dinner this weekend, didn’t you Blaine dear? Did I get the date wrong?”
Kurt looks at Blaine, who is glaring at his mother but doesn’t say anything.
“No, it’s -” Kurt is sure this evening will turn into a disaster of some intensity, but until he can get Blaine alone to find out exactly how worried he should be, he lets his perfect host instincts kick in and rolls with it. “It’s perfect. It just so happens that my parents are here for the weekend. You should definitely join us.”
Kurt ushers his mother-in-law into the apartment, and into the living room where Burt and Carole are looking confused.
“Dad, Carole, this is Blaine’s mother, Pam Anderson.” Kurt introduces, and Burt stands and looks at Kurt.
“Yes, um, I forgot that I told her she could come over this weekend and we’d have dinner,” Blaine explains, covering for the surprise.
“Well I wanted to meet your new husband dear. This was all so sudden.”
“That’s what I said,” Burt says to Pam. “I didn’t even know Kurt was dating someone new and he calls me and tells me he’s married -”
“That’s enough Dad,” Kurt stops him. “We all know Blaine and I had a whirlwind courtship, but the important thing to remember is that we’re both happy.” The last thing Kurt needs right now is his dad bellowing about how his and Blaine’s marriage was too spur of the moment.
Luckily, before Burt can start up again, the door buzzer goes off again, and this time it is the delivery person with their food. Kurt doesn’t want to leave his dad alone with Blaine’s mother, but he does want at least a moment to speak to Blaine privately, so he asks Blaine to join him to set the table. He shares a meaningful look with Carole and just hopes she can keep everything under control.
“Blaine what is going on?” Kurt whispers. He wonders if Blaine could put them them in some kind of a cone of silence, but he doesn’t say it.
“Kurt I am so - she just showed up in the kitchen!” Blaine whispers back. “When I got up before I knew she was here. I wanted to cut her off before she just appeared in the living room. I tried to get her to leave but she was not taking no for an answer after I told her your parents were here. I told her that if she wanted to stay for dinner she had to ring the buzzer like a normal person and come in through the front door.” Blaine’s arms were crossed over his chest and he was tapping his foot, something he did when he was angry or frustrated. “She’s the one who changed the furniture,” Blaine whispers. “This has the potential to be a very big disaster.”
Kurt nods. “Oh I know. Your mom and my dad? We’ll just have to try to keep the conversation light. Carole will help. She already trying to keep my dad from - I don’t know what, dragging me back to Ohio? I have no idea what he’s actually thinking. This is all so weird.”
“I know exactly what my mother is thinking and I’d like to keep any of her hijinx under control this evening.”
“How bad could it get?” Kurt is genuinely curious, although he’d like to keep the evening from getting completely out of control. Blaine’s eyebrows rise so high they practically leave his forehead. "Disaster. Right," he murmurs, taking the stack of plates out to the dining table.
Once the table is set and all of the various dishes laid out Kurt makes the few steps to the living room to gather everyone.
“So did you know Blaine was dating Kurt before they sprung this on us?” Kurt can hear his dad talking to Pam.
“Not exactly, but I could tell something was going on with Blaine” Her tone sounds more amused than Burt’s, but there is an edge that Kurt is sure he doesn’t want to explore without Blaine there to help navigate. “I know my son, and he was definitely acting different.”
“Alright everyone, dinner is ready,” he interrupts, stepping through the high arch to the living room. “If you’ll join Blaine and I at the table we can continue this conversation with me and Blaine rather than have you talk about us behind our backs.” Kurt can feel the edge behind his comment, but he’s not particularly interested in letting the evening get too far out of his control. He gives his dad a warning look as he walks past.
Pam takes the head of the table, seemingly oblivious to Blaine’s frustrated fussing as he moves platters and dishes on the table to fractionally different positions. Blaine was already agitated by the sudden appearance of Kurt’s parents, but since his mother’s arrival his energy has been frenetic. Kurt is trying not to panic himself.
Blaine and Kurt take seats next to each other on one side of the table, and Burt and Carole sit across from them. Burt’s eyes light up when he spies the plate of egg rolls, and Carole gives him the go ahead to eat whatever he wants this evening, effectively distracting him at least for the moment.
“Blaine?” It’s Pam, and she’s raised one carefully sculpted eyebrow in the direction of her son.
“It’s Chinese food, Mother. We didn’t know you were coming or I’d have made other arrangements.” Kurt notices the fingertip of her left hand tapping on the table, and wonders for a second if she’s going to conjure up her own meal right there in front of Burt. “Several of the dishes are steamed, I’m sure you can find something you like.”
“You don’t care for Chinese food?” Kurt asks. Blaine really has not talked much about his mother, other than that bizarre first day in the hotel, so Kurt doesn’t really know what to expect, other than that Blaine finds her somewhat difficult to deal with. Kurt can see as much, even with just these few interactions, but he also knows that relationships between parents and children can come with a lot of baggage, and he’s as determined to have his mother-in-law like him as he is for his own father to accept Blaine into their family. Thankfully, he’s not worried about Carole at all, and he spares a moment to smile at his step-mother across the table. Maybe she’d like that navy Calvin Klein shift dress he’s had stashed in the closet in his office for a special occasion.
Pam just hums in response to Kurt’s question. Blaine answers, “The MSG doesn’t agree with her.”
“Oh.” Kurt sits and reached for an egg roll of his own. “I don’t think this place uses -” he stops talking after a pleading glance from Blaine. “Better safe than sorry though,” he finishes. He smiles in the direction of his mother-in-law, but she’s looking at Burt and Carole as if she’s conducting an inspection.
“So, where did you get married?” Carole asks, distracting Kurt away from Pam. “Did you get married at one of those Elvis chapels? I always thought that would be fun.”
“Well in fact there was someone dressed as Elvis at the wedding,” Kurt answers, trying to play up the fun part of their nuptials. He holds back on telling them about the drag queen, at least for now. “I think that’s part of the package.”
“Did you get any pictures?” Carole asks. Kurt knows and appreciates that she is trying to keep the conversation light, but he can sense the suspicious interest radiating off of both Burt and Pam, and he’s at a bit of a loss at how to battle it. Blaine has so far been silent next to him, but his leg is jiggling under the table and Kurt is starting to worry about him just a little.
“Yes there was one photo included in the wedding package,” Kurt decides to talk to Carole rather than try to include everyone. Maybe they’ll all be content to sit and listen.
“You have one photo of your wedding?” Burt asks. So much for being content. “That’s it?”
“Well we didn’t exactly plan it, Dad. As you already know.”
“I do know.” Burt frowns. He obviously wants to ask more questions. Kurt decides to roll the dice.
“You obviously have some questions, Dad. Why don’t you just ask me? We’re all here, let’s get this all out in the open.” Kurt glares at his father. He’s not sure this is really a good idea, but he’s got Blaine and together they can handle their parents. “What is it that bothers you about my marrying Blaine - who I love, Dad.”
That takes the wind out of Burt’s sails, but only for a moment. Everyone is watching Kurt and Burt.
“Yeah, okay. Fine. I have questions, Kurt. First off, you can tell me how my son, who spent all of first grade designing elaborate weddings for his Power Rangers, complete with multiple costume changes, wedding playlists and menus with a vegan option - weddings that I attended more than one of I might add - and who has no less than five overstuffed wedding binders still under his bed at home - you can tell me how his wedding ‘just happens’ at an Elvis chapel in Las Vegas, without a tuxedo, or a string quartet, or so much as a word to his dad!” Burt almost chokes on his last word, but he holds his ground.
“Burt!” Carole turns to stare at Burt before Kurt can say anything.
“Those sound like perfectly reasonable questions to me,” Pam interjects, her tone almost too mild, before turning to look at her son. “Blaine, dear?”
Kurt, still stunned by his dad’s outburst, turns to look at his husband, but Blaine is staring at the table, gripping the edge with both hands. Before Kurt can react to anything, Blaine is pushing away from the table with a mumbled excuse me. Kurt hears the click of a door shutting and it pulls him out of his shock. He stands, glaring at Pam too for good measure as he throws his napkin on the table.
“What the hell, Dad?” Is all he can manage before he goes off in search of Blaine.
Kurt doesn’t think Blaine would have shut himself in the bedroom so he heads for the bathroom. The door is shut, so he knocks quietly. “Blaine, it’s me.”
He hears a click and sees the knob turn and the door drift open a few inches. Kurt opens it enough to slip through, and sees Blaine half sitting on the counter tipping a glass of what looks like whisky into his mouth. He watches as Blaine drains the glass then toss it into thin air.
“I’m so sorry Kurt.” He tilts his head and Kurt can see his face. He looks more defeated than upset.
“Why? You didn’t do anything. Our collective parents, on the other hand, they could use a Groupon for an etiquette class.” Blaine chokes out a single laugh. Mission accomplished.
Blaine shakes his head. “No that’s not - I mean yes. My mother needs to go to etiquette camp.” Blaine hugs himself and sighs. “But what I meant is, I am sorry you didn’t have what you wanted. Your dream wedding. I’m sorry this all turned out,” Blaine waves his hands around, and Kurt flinches, not entirely sure what’s about to appear out of thin air. “Like this.” He shakes his head again and goes back to staring at the floor.
“Blaine.” There have been a couple of times since they got married when Blaine has expressed concern that he somehow tricked Kurt into marrying him, and that if Kurt had any sense he’d want to get out of it. Kurt thinks this is because Blaine hadn’t mentioned the whole being a witch thing, and Kurt has tried to reassure him that that doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t, not to Kurt. So he really wants Blaine to hear what he has to say now. He puts a hand on Blaine’s shoulder, pulling him closer.
“Blaine I need you to listen to me, really listen. I love you. So we got married in Vegas, I don’t love you any less because of it.”
“But your binders. All your plans. This isn’t what you wanted.”
Kurt shrugs. “I’m also not a love starved gay teenager with nowhere to put my romantic feelings other than in a wedding binder any more.” Blaine laughs softly. “And if we are going to stand any chance at all against our parents we have to really stay on our toes. Together.”
Kurt pulls him into a kiss then. Not a quick peck on the lips though. He wants Blaine to know, really know, that he wants him. He cradles Blaine’s face with both hands, teasing his tongue into his mouth easily as Blaine gives in to it. Blaine grunts softly and wraps his arms around Kurt’s waist moving closer until they are pressed against each other chest to knees. Kurt slides his hands down over Blaine’s shoulders, not stopping until he reaches his ass.
“I really wish we could finish this right here,” Blaine pants, practically into Kurt’s mouth.
“Can’t, mmm, can’t we? You could do that -” Kurt waves a hand over his head, “like at the party? Who would know?” He dives in again, covering Blaine’s mouth with his.
Blaine stops kissing him long enough to mumble my mother, and that’s enough to throw figurative cold water into Kurt’s pants.
“Blaine, I thought you told me she doesn’t know every time we have sex. Because honestly I don’t think I can handle that. And if she did it would explain why she hates me so much.”
Blaine bites his lip with a grin. “No, she doesn’t. But she’d know I was using magic, I’m close enough that she’ll feel it. And it would be harder for me to stop time for her.” Blaine wriggles in Kurt’s arms. “She’d know.”
Kurt sighs dramatically, but they put themselves back together anyway.
“Ready?” Kurt asks once they’re presentable.
Blaine nods. “You go. I need a minute.” Kurt kisses him, a peck on the lips this time, and leaves the bathroom.
Kurt has more than a few things to say to his dad, and is almost sure he’s ready to stand up to Pam too - although she hasn’t really said that much, so he may just let Blaine handle her when he thinks it’s appropriate.
“Dad,” he starts as he nears the dining room. “We need to -”
Kurt stops and stares, not sure that he’s actually seeing the sight in front of his eyes. There is a small pig on the table, its face in a bowl of sesame noodles, and a large chicken just...sitting on a plate. Kurt doesn’t know how long he stares, but he does know he wants to scream and he can’t. He remembers that Pam is there, and when he looks in her direction she is relaxed in her chair, examining her nails.
“Maybe orange,” he thinks he hears her say. She blinks and smiles, turning her hand to show Kurt her new instant manicure. Kurt definitely wants to scream.
“Mother what have you done!” Blaine rushes past him just as the chicken ruffles its feathers and jump-flies off of the table and down the hall. “Fix it. Fix it right now.”
“Blaine?” Kurt finally manages. “What, what is happening. I don’t - where are my parents?”
“You were gone so long,” Pam rolls her eyes. “I didn’t know what to talk to them about.”
Kurt spares a glance at Blaine, then looks back at the pig.
“What do you mean you didn’t know what to talk to them about? You and Burt must have a million more terrible things to say about the fact that Kurt and I are married.”
“Oh we did talk about that. But then he started asking questions about your dad and I really couldn’t be bothered.”
“So you turned them into farm animals?”
Kurt doesn’t know why he didn’t figure it out himself. “Blaine? Blaine change them back.”
“I can’t.” Blaine crosses his arms over his chest angrily and continues to glare at his mother.
“What do you mean you can’t?” The pig on the table that is either his dad or Carole finishes up with the bowl of noodles and crashes over the other containers, sniffling into each one as it picks out its next course. “Do magic. Change them back.” Kurt waves his hands at the pig.
“A witch can’t undo another witch’s magic Kurt. It’s just not possible. My mother will do this.” Blaine turns to her. “Or there will be dire consequences.”
Pam scoffs, but for the first time tonight Kurt can see something that looks like concern in her eyes. Blaine stares her down, and if the circumstances were different Kurt would definitely find it hot. “You wouldn’t,” she challenges.
“Do you honestly think I won’t pick Kurt, Mother?”
Pam flinches and half stands up, and for a split second Kurt isn’t sure she won’t simply make them all disappear. But she sits and they don’t disappear, and Kurt exhales and runs to the living room to try to find the chicken.
“Blaine I’ve never picked up a chicken before!” He corners it, backing away when it flaps its wings menacingly. “Do they bite?” Kurt thinks he can at least chase it back toward the dining room. Blaine runs into the room and snaps at the chicken and it stops flapping around. “I thought you couldn’t do that.”
“I can’t reverse the magic, but I can still do magic on the chicken.” Blaine approaches the bird slowly and picks it up, and Kurt follows him back to the dining room where he sets it on the table with the pig. “Mother?” Blaine prompts.
Pam scowls, but she stands and with an exaggerated flourish and, with an audible crack that sounds just like when lightning struck the tree outside his window when Kurt was eleven, the chicken and the pig turn back into Carole and Burt, the food on the table is all fresh and back to exactly the position it was in before. No signs that a pig or a chicken were ever there...
“- why didn’t he tell me? I had to miss my only son’s wedding, Carole. There was a time when I thought I was never -”
Burt stops talking when he realizes Kurt and Blaine are standing and staring at him.
“When did you get back?”
It takes Kurt a long second to catch up with everything. “Just - just now, Dad.” Kurt swallows and pulls out his chair, and he and Blaine both take their seats. “Dad, I -”
“Mr. Hummel,” Blaine interrupts. He covers Kurt’s hand on the table and gives it a squeeze “I want to apologize for anything I’ve done that made you feel - left out. I know it feels like Kurt and I marrying seems like an impulsive act, and maybe it was.” Burt nods at the acknowledgment. “But Mr. Hummel, I promise you I love your son, and I will do everything in my power to make him happy, and to earn your trust.”
Kurt is not prone to tears, but he has to wipe one away as it threatens to roll down his cheek. He squeezes Blaine’s hand and when Blaine looks at him he knows everything will be fine.
Burt is quiet for a moment before exhaling and rubbing his large hand over his face and the top of his head. Kurt knows he’s looking for the baseball cap that would normally be perched there. He nods at Blaine. “Yeah, um, call me Burt, son. Mr. Hummel was my dad, and he was a mean SOB.”
Kurt does let the tears fall now, and wraps an arm around Blaine in a sideways hug, kissing him on the top of his head. He can see Pam watching the goings on with interest, but she doesn’t react. She is going to be a tougher nut to crack than his dad, it seems.
--
Sunday night they are back at Blaine’s apartment (and Kurt really needs to start thinking about it as their apartment) - after Burt and Carole have left, and Blaine has assured his mother that he will call her during the week and they will have lunch - where Kurt drags his husband to bed and they burn off the stress of the previous thirty six hours.
“That could have gone worse,” Blaine observes, still sweaty and tucked under Kurt’s arm.
“What do you mean? That was fantastic.” Kurt gives Blaine a playful slap on his shoulder and Blaine giggles.
“I meant this weekend, with all our parents.”
“Oh, that? Yeah, piece of cake,” Kurt agrees. “Let’s never do that again, okay? I really don’t think I can handle my dad as an actual pig more than once in my lifetime.”
Blaine laughs again, and Salem jumps up on the bed; after confirming that they’re done bouncing around, she lays down across Kurt’s feet.
“At least Salem seems to have accepted me into the family,” Kurt observes.
Yesss, @mizjoely!! Oh my goodness, yes! I’d totally write a full-on fic if I didn’t have a half dozen unfinished stories on my list!
Because, come on…
Sherlock, initially skeptical of magic, always trying to find a logical explanation for his wife’s shenanigans but failing.
Molly twitching her nose and making his cigarettes disappear from his pockets no matter where he is, brochures about lung cancer in their place.
Sherlock fondly, exasperatingly, lecturing her on the authenticity of a crime scene and not to muddle it up with her witching ways as Molly nods in mock seriousness.
Molly twitching her nose and sending Irene Adler to a frozen tundra (just for a few minutes) when the other woman had shown up naked in their bed.
Sherlock refusing her help to defeat Moriarty on the roof (because it’s the principle of the matter, Molly!) and trying to rig up a harness system, only for Molly to have to twitch her nose and save him (and everyone else) anyway.
And finally…
Mycroft watching their every move, bewildered, flummoxed, and frustrated at having no explanation for the absurdities that abound at Baker Street. The tree right out front, for instance, that wasn’t there the day before. The many times Molly and Sherlock would suddenly appear in different parts of London yet the surveillance cameras never caught them leaving their flat. The elephant in the room (quite literally). The time he was babysitting their baby daughter and she sneezed, turning Mycroft’s hair bright pink.
(It was after this incident that the government took a long, much-needed vacation.)
