#bewitchinglesbian

[catty-words]

hey i was looking for jess and u saw u talking abt it in the tag!!! i think she had a gf on tumblr?? i can't remember i might be able to find it but if anyone could message her gf or smth?? ://

hi fellow jess lover!

yeah, i know her gf was on tumblr, but i’m not entirely certain what her url is? in any case, @buffysummere has contacted jess and we know that she did delete because she’s in a not-so-great headspace. but there is hope for her eventual return. idk if you’re in the buffy fandom, but we’re talking about organizing a mehane (which is Her Ship) day for when she returns. i’m sure that day could include some general jess love/positivity so we’ll keep you posted.

in the meantime, let’s form the prayer circle for her mental health and well-being. 

[jennycalendar]

@bewitchinglesbian replied to your post “@strelkatherocketdog replied to your post “good morning giles hates...”

uGH YES?? like lbr especially w/o a soul?? he fuckin?? idk it's like you dont romantisise angelus?? And as Tara says even when buffy "dates" him or whatever?? That's an unhealthy coping mechanism? That's not a 'cute connection' or whatever?? He tries to rape her?? He's not like?? A Good Guy?? He's an interesting and character and villain? But i wouldn't say I enjoy his relationship w the good guys in a Cute/Sweet way? He's not that benign??

Also even when he gets a soul it's still really unhealthy, he's really pushy and creepy still?? He still is snide with Principal Wood?? He's not really remorseful abt killing his mum (and it's not like it takes TIME to FEEL THINGS?? like angel was fucking remorseful? he remembered it but he didn't care?? he hardly apologised to buffy for the horrible things he did, he was still gross abt it so????

Ya to say he had a sweet/fun relationship with any of the characters outside of some humour in the earlier seasons is?? :////

i guess u could say him & joyce got along well?? lmao... except joyce was kinda a shitty mother? Who was like?? dismissive and shit w buffy??? So like... i guess it was funny when they were shitty together?? celebrate their friendship... lmao

sORRY ANYWAY ILL SHUT UP I JUST... HAVE FEELINGS ABT THIS

NO IT’S COOL IT’S GREAT i just honestly don’t know what to say because you covered all the fuckin bases here. i always thought i could escape the Spike Discourse and just blog quietly about jenny all the time but like....apparently i have many many strong emotions on how romanticized spike can be in fandom. 

like i enjoy him as a character and a villain--especially in the earlier seasons--but i don’t try and excuse his actions then at all because y’know. HE’S A VILLAIN. he has no concept of morality or what’s Right or Wrong. sure, he can be fun and quippy but that doesn’t erase the people he murdered 

and omg the fact that he told stories about the people he murdered to dawn is just ????? profoundly fucked up???? why does no one ever bring that up. like i know she found it entertaining and i’m sure there are people who love a vampire murder story but maybe not when it’s literally told by the murderer. how is that in any way okay just because “he doesn’t have a soul.” spike doesn’t really seem to Care about all the horrible things he’s done with or without a soul. there’s never more than a few moments of guilt. the soul doesn’t weigh heavy on him like it does on angel; he shrugs it off

and yes!!! we see the impact angel’s guilt has on him. there was literally a whole episode where jenny and lots of his other victims haunted and taunted him in order to try and get him to kill buffy and he very nearly killed himself because he was so ashamed and horrified.

i have conflicting feelings about joyce tbh because i know she Tries but she really did say some shitty, incisive things to buffy (like insinuating that maybe buffy led spike on in some way and that’s why spike has a crush on her???? no thx) & yeahhh the fact that she was kinda friends with spike doesn’t come out too positively for her. i guess initially she thought he was ok but after she knows buffy hates him it’s a little disconcerting that she lets him hang around dawn

anyway. this is long and i guess part of being a part of the btvs fandom is inevitably talking about spike (which :///// let this discourse die. spike doesn’t need a defense squad) but basically i agree with you 

[queensofmystery]

Rules: Tag 20 blogs you’d like to know better.

Tagged by @bewitchinglesbian <3 thank you!

Nickname: Ange or Angie, I love both

Zodiac sign: taurus

Height: just under 5′2″ but I lie and say I’m 5′2″

Last Thing You Googled: “elementary episodes”, which I google a lot to fact-check something, I think this time it was to confirm which episodes have Lin Wen 

Favourite music artist: Utada Hikaru (the day I find an artist I love more than Utada will be the day pigs fly probably I cannot find anyone that measures up to her in importance to me, mentally, emotionally, spiritually...I worship that woman’s music)

Song stuck in my head:  Nothing rn, I’m listening to one of my relaxing music playlists, which is currently playing songs from a Ghibli soundtrack...I think Kiki’s Delivery Service (everything is in kanji I have to think about it cuz I can’t read kanji)

Last Movie you watched: Stardust on Christmas day ^_^ (one of the best movies in the world and I’m in love with Claire Danes)

What are you wearing right now: pjs and my pink robe with hearts on it

What do you post: mostly Elementary and aesthetic stuff and just anything on my dash I love, which can vary from any movies I love to memes to cute animals to beautiful women and wlw media (as much as I can get my hands on)...or anything that could be construed as wlw media...

Why did you choose your URL:  This one is obvious. My main blog, aprincesswholovesinsects, in a song title from the Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind OST, which is based on one of my favorite stories ever, a manga by Hayao Miyazaki. And Joe Hisaishi’s music is gorgeous.

Do you have any other blogs: This is a sideblog, and besides my main blog and this one, I don’t really consistently update the others, I mostly use my sideblogs for reference. My Utada sideblog has third priority I guess, because I needed somewhere to vent my Utada love, and since I mostly just re-reblog edits that were posted 2+ years ago, I had to make a sideblog so as not to annoy all my personal blog followers.

What Did Your Past Relationship Teach You: this is so vague...I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. I guess my most important friendship has taught me to just be open and honest with my feelings, because hiding what you really feel does way more damage than good.

Religious Or Spiritual: neither 

Favorite Color: red

Average Hours Of Sleep: I average 6-7, but lately I’ve been wanting to go to bed really early and it sucks (I still end up getting up between 5am and 7am)

Lucky Number: I don’t really pay attention to that... I do love 14 a lot for several odd reasons, and 3. 

Favorite character: I could never pick just one. Right now I see Joan Watson and Ayla from Earth’s Children as most important to me - I think about them the most. 

How Many Blankets Do you Sleep With: Right now since it’s still cold enough outside and my bedroom is the top floor that doesn’t get much heat, I sleep with 4 blankets, but two of them are pretty thin.

Dream Job: A published author and/or just someone living in a cabin in the woods keeping a huge garden, a couple horses, at least one (1) dog, and rescuing cats idk

I tag: @arys-tokeheart, @foxy-mulder, @amindamazed, @nairobiwonders, @beanarie, @disheveledcurls, @margoleon, @theleafpile, @lesbxdyke, @althusserarien, @dalpuri, @language-escapes, @elementary-said-ni, @liunaticfringe, @possibility221,  @sanguinarysanguinity  (gasp! i can tag you now!) and anyone who sees this and wants to do it, especially @actiaslunaris, @ladydedlock, and @liggytheauthoress who I want to tag but tumblr won’t let me tag!! >:( (and of course only do this if you want to!)

[jennycalendar]

@bewitchinglesbian replied to your post “why is it that once my life starts actually coming together & i am...”

*sends hugs* i know it's really hard to face the reality of being stuck w a shitty mother, and also realising that means you have an absence of something fundamental in the way that you deserve to be treated!! But like ugh like I'm so sorry!! you don't deserve that!!♥♥ But also your mother sounds shitty, it doesn't sound like she's giving "love" and asking for "love inreturn?? It sounds like she's being manipulative and using affection/basic needs... the support and care that a parent is suppose to frickin give to her child b/c that's what you sign up for when u have a kid?? U need to love and support them unconditionally??? Not just so that you can get more support on your terms and shit?? You dont' have a kid so that they can validate you and shit?? That's literallly not your job and that sounds so shitty?? And like she's violating boundaries n shit if she whines and rants and complains to u about shit when ur not up to it/uncomfortable or whatever like that's bullshit and she should know that? She is your goddamn parent and an adult who chose to have a child and here she is demandig things of you which is the opposite of parenting?? She should be giving you shelter, food, love and support without asking for anything in return b/c>>??? you were not made to support her, give her advice, guidance, validating, do jobs for her?? that is NOT a child's job?? Like helping out is nice but?? it's not your damn job?? and like sdiufhjknx sorry im in a Rant Mood but/?? you are NOT like your mother for ranting/oversharing on your own goddamn blog???? it's your blog, your space to say whatever tf you like?? you're not actively confronting ppl in their homes being like BINCH U HAVE TO READ EVERYTHING I SAY!!!! nobody has to read this?? you are forcing nobody!! you are using your own space to say what you are feeling and that's 100% A-Okay?? ♥ on the other hand you (i assume) live w your mother, and in your own home and space she is forcing you to listen to her whine/complain/validate her, whether it's flatout forcing out manipulation, she is not giving you the choice to opt out comfortably?? She is invading your space when u emotionally or whatever don't have the energy for it/dont want to like?? you are NOT like ur mother!!!! sry just reassuing u but ye ill shut up now

no it’s so ok!! this really means a lot.

(my response is Long and Oversharing so i’m putting it under a readmore)

i do live with my mom, and i try and keep to myself as often as i can, but the repercussions of that can also be kind of Disastrous because...she’s very attentive to detail. like we’re a lot alike in that respect, except while i choose to use my attentiveness to file away things about jenny calendar and literature and etymology, she throws herself into remembering every single aspect of a social situation. so it got to the point when i was younger where i would just assume she was right because she’d bring up things that definitely sounded correct, and Clearly i was wrong if i didn’t remember things. 

so she’ll remember things. small things. i always want the door to my room shut (and it’s for privacy/anxiety reasons because i’m nervous she’ll walk into my room and judge me, but i can’t tell her that) and i always ask her to do it even though she almost always does, and she’ll snap at me for asking and later bring up the fact that she feels like a servant in her own house. every single conversation with her feels like a test, and if i get it wrong she could be mad at me for the rest of the day. 

and i guess the part that finally clicked with me and upset me is that she knows me more than anyone because i used to be very talkative and bubbly (and to some extent still am) and since i have very few people to talk to, i usually talk to her a lot? she knows so much about me and she still treats me like i’m always doing everything wrong, and i finally realized that that’s why i can’t handle positivity. because the person who knows me better than almost anyone keeps on telling me i’m selfish and disorganized and it’s my fault she’s not out of the house helping people and that i should be trying to help her more than i do, and if she knows me and she thinks that of me, even when i tell her how much it bothers me, maybe the people who know me and love me don’t know me at all, because if they did, they’d think just as little of me as she always seems to, and treat me with the same exasperation and barely-there patience because that’s what she’s made me think i deserve.

it’s just. such a mess. and suddenly i have this whole bucket full of messed-up things she’s done to guilt me and make me feel small and horrible and i don’t know what to do with all this anger when i still, weirdly, kind of love her.

and that last part...really helps? i guess i’ve never thought of it that way because i thought i had some kind of responsibility to her & i thought that that’s the way love is supposed to work. you care about someone and sometimes you listen to them even when you don’t want to & feel talked over because you love them and you want them to be happy. (and then that messed me up about All Conversations because i assume that i’m like my mom and everyone else is just putting up with me when i get sad and angry but...anyway. working through it)

[jennycalendar]

noah fence but?? a concept?? idk if you've thought abt this before maybe possibly but.... fem!giles? maybe gillian or smth?? who still loves jenny, and is an awkward mother figure to buffy who is trying her best, and she's a stuffy old librarian AND SHE STILL WEARS SUITs and looks very Proper but also kinda hot and I bet she wears her hair up in buns and shit and jenny would laugh at her?? And also there would be some scene where Jenny takes her hair out or smth (maybe during Action)pls consider

so i googled it & the feminine form of rupert is roberta but...omg...roberta gillian with gillian as a surname? is it too Much to have her with a completely different name? because imagine buffy kinda flippantly calling her “gil” and it not being a disrespectful thing to call her and anyway i’m getting off topic but i love that

and sfdjlfsdkj imagine jenny standing on tiptoe all the time & pulling her tall gf’s hair out of its bun just because she Can (gil’s giving her heart eyes because jfc in any universe she’s so so smitten with jenny). gil has this brown-gray hair that goes down to her shoulder blades but that she always makes sure to tie up, and as she starts dating jenny she starts letting her hair down a little more as time goes on until it’s literally just a messy ponytail + her usual suit and vest. incidentally, jenny’s always swooning over gil’s suits and vests.

anyway i love this so much

[jennycalendar]

@bewitchinglesbian replied to your post “i don’t like this concept that buffy needs to “find the fun” when...”

...literally (SORRY IM IN A TALKATIVE MOOD I NEED TO STYOP REPLYNG TO EVERYTHING SORRY) but like??/ even in the first episode of the season?? when she comes back and everyone's super dismissive and resolve nothingf?? and she's like "sorry for being overwhelmed b/c everyone's ignoring me and im scared and recovering and ur all parting in my house w/o warning me, this is my fault, ur right i deserved to be screamed at after being kicked out of my own house"

NO I LOVE YOUR REPLIES. but like...exactly??? 

and giles is kinda hanging out in the background because he’s The Watcher even though he’s the only one who seems to actually get how much buffy needs help, but he seems so hesitant to actually give it. which heck now that i’m thinking about it, i think he wants buffy to need him in a technical sense and not an emotional sense, because the last person who needed him in an emotional sense and who he gave emotional support to ended up literally dead in his apartment. so when buffy seems to need emotional support he goes in his head “well I’m Not Good At That” even though in the event that he did give her some level of comfort & advice without her asking for it/him being the only available person to help her, he’d probably make things a whole lot better. 

now i’m getting all analytical but that could be factoring into why he left in s6?? because maybe some part of giles has really internalized the idea that he Cannot Give emotional support to buffy.

anyway you didn’t ask for a mini meta about giles but like...he could have been so much help and guidance and he clearly saw what buffy needed (a small party, to talk about angel and what happened with acathla) but he just kept on repeatedly, quietly stepping to the side

[jennycalendar]

@bewitchinglesbian replied to your post “@bewitchinglesbian replied to your post “i don’t like this concept...”

OMG YES THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE?? BUT ITS ALSO SO FRUSTRATING B/C?? HE KEEPS TRYING TO MAKE IT A PROFESSIONAL ARRANGEMENT?? AND NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THAT HE'S BASICALLY A FATHER FIGURE TO HER?? WHICCH IS RLY IMPORTANT TO HER AND I THINK SHE'S A BIG PART OF HIS LIFE AND JSUT?? YE THAT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE?? (Also that episode where buffy almost marries spike but then she asks giles if he would take her down the isle?? :') sOMEBODY GIVE THIS GIRL A HUG?

SHE’S LITERALLY THE HUGEST AND MOST SIGNIFICANT PART OF HIS LIFE. ALL OF HIS DECISIONS ARE STRUCTURED AROUND HER IN SOME WAY. and holy shit do i wish jenny had lived because she’d be able to call him out and remind him that buffy looks up to him and that he really needs to step in more than he does. she straight-up did that in the surprise cutscenes and i will forever be bitter about them not making the final cut.

because jenny could have been so Good for giles?? not just in a romantic adorable way. she could have literally called him out and said “rupert, this is not a watcher-slayer relationship anymore." from what we’ve seen of her she was something of a pragmatic voice of reason (without the boatload of emotional watcher-related issues that her boyfriend has) and she definitely wasn’t close enough to buffy to provide the support buffy needed herself, but she was more than close enough to giles to steer him in the direction of helping buffy and making sure buffy was okay. she could have really helped giles come to terms with the fact that regardless of whether or not he saw himself as a father figure, buffy did, and that counted more than anything.

[jennycalendar]

@bewitchinglesbian replied to your post “i keep on going between “i wanna scoop faith up and protect her”...”

OKAY BUT IF BUFFY AND FAITH BOTH HUG EACH OTHER AND PROTET EACH OTHER AND MAKE OUT AND ARE GAY GFS WHO HELP EACH OTHER THE PROBLEM IS SOLVED MY GUY

@cleavagyslutbomb replied to your post “i keep on going between “i wanna scoop faith up and protect her”...”

that's why they need to scoop each other up

Good Ideas