Would love to hear more of your thoughts about Renee, I saw you post some headcanons and there were some interesting ones regarding her that I’d LOVE to hear about. She’s my girl and I love her so much
here are my transcribed notes about my post-TKM Renison fic Baby Girl, Good Luck <3
***CW: all AFTG triggers apply
reminder that she was 10 at the time of her initiation/1st rape according to EC
while in the gang she joined, Natalie Shield was often forced into sexual work, either with fellow gang members, strangers, or enemies
Natalie completed the tasks as best as she could, and sometimes even foolishly enjoyed it, like in a sort of power trip, which she feels guilty about and ashamed of, given all the trauma it left her with and all the times it was painful, terrifying, scarring, dangerous, inhumane...
[Natalie didn't solicit in the streets, and wasn't part of a 'brothel,' nor did she have a designated pimp]
the sex work pushed Natalie further into a premature adulthood, along with the bloody jobs, the beatings, the fear, the threats, the punishments, the deaths, the drugs, the murders...
when Renee came into Stephanie Walker's care, and pursued high school, the first year was rough, in terms of Renee's coping mechanisms; while she did not self-harm or get into fights like Andrew did, she still used sex as a way to cope, assert her independence and agency over her own body, sort of, but in truth it harmed her further, even more so that in the early stages of her newfound faith, she shamed and blamed herself thinking God would hate her and so would Stephanie—but she couldn't stop herself, get rid of the itch
in HS, Renee dressed mostly like she does now with the Foxes, was very studious and mostly stayed out of trouble (due to fear of rejection + abandonment from both Stephanie and God)
however, Renee had not yet given up her knives nor her observational skills, leftovers of a past life, so she would always know when a fight was coming her way, and when someone had been captivated by her
she'd approach the person when she felt the itch, offer them point-blank a deal, calmly and with her known lack of ulterior motive and evil; she always demanded money in exchange for her 'services,' so people wouldn't go thinking feelings had anything to do with it (assert control, take before it's taken)
the money she got out of the sex, she at first kept in a 'sock of shame,' then tried giving it at church but felt dirty doing so, thus she gave it to charities
never the same person twice; mostly her school classmates, from the same year or older; sometimes strangers outside of school; thrice a teacher (2M, 1F)
she never let herself think about her potential sexual orientation or let it affect her methods; this will cause her yet another layer of trauma, and trouble with acceptance, feelings, etc.
Stephanie eventually found out about everything, because the janitor caught the last teacher with Renee and reports him to the principal; the janitor only saw the man kiss her (quite roughly), but Renee revealed all of it to the principal and Stephanie, emotionless and dissociated af; Renee personally would not have said anything, but when Stephanie told her that she was safe, that the man was in the wrong, a predator bound to do it again, if he hasn't done so in the past already, Renee confesses for other past and potential future girls (but not for herself)
Renee's written testimony, as Jane Doe because she is a minor, is enough to convict the teacher, send him for a (short) trip in jail, and pay the Walkers in the thousands (Renee demands all of it goes to charity; Stephanie only uses the bare minimum to move states and transfer Renee to a new HS)
so the Walkers move to a new town and Stephanie doubles down on trying to make Renee see a therapist, previously because of Renee's past and now more than ever after her statutory rape(s)
Stephanie considers holding back on the religious thing, not wanting to further harm Renee by pushing her into something she might not want, but Renee is actually hungry for it
Renee agrees to seeing a specialized psychiatrist and therapist, who mainly treat cases like hers, instead of just the school's therapist
said specialist is a man, which makes Renee distrustful from the get-go, she applies herself into superficially getting help from him, reciting what people told her during her teacher's court case, how it's not her fault, that it probably comes from her family issues and abuse, etc.
she never speaks to him about what actually happened in her home or her gang, nor does she ever mention the other adults who took advantage of her—though she doesn't see it that way yet—and her coping with sex; only Betsy and the new town's pastor will be able to get through to her and actually unpack her trauma, and make her feel comfortable and safe to talk
however, the psych specialist, Stephanie, the new school's principal and the PE teacher guide her towards Exy, her new outlet
Renee stops anything remotely related to sex, which does cause and abrupt/dry withdrawal; she plays Exy like her life depends on it, she reads the Bible, involves herself at her church, and continues training alone with knives
the rest is history, and now fast forward to mid-/post-TKM (*this fic was started pre-TSC announcement and everything that followed*)
Renee's old itch is triggered at PSU and she begins to rely on sex to cope again
she starts absenting herself from the girls' room often, spars more and more with Andrew, has trouble with her studies, and pulls away from Betsy
Stephanie knows most of Renee's life story and coping mechanisms (almost as much as Betsy), but she notices no change in Renee's behavior when she relapses, as she believes the worse is over and Renee is wholly healed
when she relapses, Renee is careful not to ask for her knives back from Andrew, as he would instantly know something is wrong, although not exactly what
she follows the same patterns at PSU as in HS, and the same tactics as in her gang; she demands money still to keep her partners' secrets, and because subconsciously the money aspect brings her back to her life in the gang
money means she did well; means others are happy with her; means safe from repercussions; means success; means closure; means a task completed; money means she has fulfilled a purpose and deserves to live
Renee suffers from a deep lack of and need for approval, usefulness, touch, praise, and acceptance; if I can help others, it's the closest I'll get to being helped myself
unlike Andrew, who strictly defines his sexuality and boundaries to cope with and pursue sex, Renee disregards everything and anything about herself to please her partner; almost nothing is off-limit
like before, Renee doesn't use any of the money; she keeps it in a sock in her court locker and plans to donate it
Renee inevitably gets caught in the act, by none other than Allison Reynolds
everything about the situation baffles Allison: Renee and sex, Renee being vulnerable, Renee with someone, like that, the place, the roughness of the act, etc.
Allison starts yelling at the guy Renee's with, causing a scene and making him flee while Renee kind of dissociates for a bit, empty stare and soiled mouth
nobody else is present, and nobody else knows or finds out, because Renee's privacy and safety are very important to Allison, and she respects Renee too much to betray her trust, even if that act of trust could possibly hurt Renee
Allison does push for them to have a private discussion, in Renee's room, about what she just witnessed, why, and how Renee is struggling and hurting
Renee is rather surprised that Allison saw through what was happening and immediately knew something was wrong, knew that Renee was being a danger to herself, and not simply having a relationship, intercourse, or wasn't being entirely coerced
Allison does indeed have an innate understanding of Renee's character despite all (Ally's personality, Renee's, how different they are, how close but not-that-close they are, etc.)
Allison does believe in Renee's goodness, what she preaches and projects, but a Fox is a Fox, and she doesn't believe in Renee's trouble being done and over, a thing of the past, that is completely healed
Allison doesn't know why or when she understood all that about Renee
after the discussion, the girls part ways, with Allison offering a verbal promise not to tell anyone
on her own, Allison tries to think of ways to help Renee; she is the only one, and has to remain the only one, who can do anything...
after multiple failed strategies, Allison decides to directly and physically involve herself
Allison now has to present her Deal to Renee, which involves a fuckton emotions Allison wasn't prepared for
"You claimed me from Andrew. Said I was yours to handle and protect. Now I protect you."
and so it becomes that Allison takes on a role much like Andrew, and Renee receives protection like Kevin and Neil, which is special and interesting because you would expect the opposite, or at least for Renee to be similar to Andrew in that type of dynamic
truth is, Renee is very much like Andrew in terms of her past and her being a protector at her core, but she shares a similar past with Neil as well, and masks superbly like he does, which could explain his discomfort/uneasiness towards her (and explains tolerance of her)
as for Allison, she shares Andrew's need for the truth, she despises lies, especially if they hurt those she cares for; she's very possessive—as in feels responsible and hurts when they hurt—of those she considers hers; she is all too familiar with self-harm and sexual assault
and that's all i have at the moment! i still have a Raven!Renee ask somewhere, and i might do more general Renee hcs in the future, but i hope this was 'fun' for you even if i went on a completely different tangent...
