#bi probs

[princelangston-blog]

My coworker is gay (and a total bottom). I looked over at him the other day and saw him bending over and my heart started doing a thing. Is this what gay panic feels like? Holy shit.

[queerzaza]

I am a happily open bisexual bean, and my little sister has just come out as biromantic!! However, my mother refuses to let us speak about anything LGBT related out loud, and says it’s inappropriate to talk about (I’m 20, mind you, and my sister is almost 18). She straight up told my that I’m going through a phase and that I’m actually straight cause I’ve only ever dated men. She also stated that people who are coming out nowadays are only doing it cause it’s fashionable. I’m at my wits end /pt1

/pt2 and I’m just not sure what to say to her anymore or what to do to get her to stop making me, my sister, and my friends feel invalid

the good news is tht no one can make you feel anything. your feelings are your choice and yours alone. i’m sorry tht your mother is close-minded, but tht’s all on her. now, you can continue trying to change her mind, but it might not be worth your mental health. tht’s up to you, turtledove. 

the most important thing is tht you, your sister, and your friends know that your orientations are valid. orientation labels are just tools to help us understand ourselves better and to assist in explaining tht to others. no matter if you decide to continue trying to broaden her mind or not, i hope tht she wakes up to reality.

this is just part of who you are, there’s nothing wrong or bad with it. hang in there, it does get easier. esp when you are living on your own and not seeing her so often. also, surrounding yourself w/ LGBT+ folx and creating a found family will help too. wishing you all the good luck and loads of love. 

[xeleveneleven]

If spending my Friday night in pajamas with a glass of wine and Ghostbusters while drooling all the hell over Kate (and Kristen) is wrong, y'all better move the fuck on and find a more exciting bitch. 💖

[deathbyychocolate]

bisexual problems: isabelle and alexander lightwood

[timorous-beasties]

Queer girl probs:

Seeing a really beautiful, successful, bad ass woman and not being sure if I want to be her or date her.

[princelangston-blog]

When attractive people find me attractive my mind literally cannot compute.

Me? Cute? What the hell? You look like a Greek Diety. Dont look at me.

[queerzaza]

Dear Zaza - I am married to a straight cisguy and have only dated cisguys. (I am a cis girl.) But I'm not straight. I am not out; I tried, and my family got uncomfortable, so I chickened out. My husband accepts my queerness, but doesn't really "get" it. I have queer friends, but I'm not fully out to them either. I went to Pride last year, and I felt so out of place. Every time I pick up an "ally" button rather than a "I'm bi" button or similar, I feel wrong. How can I be comfortable in myself?

being Bi/Pan/Queer/Not straight/ etc... comes w/ some struggles (for the sake of brevity i’ll use Bi to sum all those IDs up) a major one- is invisibility, both in the media and in real life.

another is assumptions. there’s nothing we can do about what other ppl assume about us, but we can decide how we view ourselves. all of our control starts and ends w/ ourselves. so, it’s great tht you recognise your issue is finding comfort w/ your orientation. 

this is v common for us Bi folx and a lot of the self-doubt of Bi identities comes from our shitty heteronormative society. they either ignore our existence, say we’re just slutty, tht we’re faking it for attention, or are confused. ugh! such B.S.

my fav Bi analogy is the werewolf. if you’re a werewolf, then you’re always a werewolf. when you look like a human-you’re still a werewolf. when you look like a wolf- you’re still a werewolf.

so too for Bi folx. meaning the person you date has no effect on your orientation/label. the only thing tht does is the gender(s) you’re attracted to. just like the skin choice of a werewolf doesn’t change what they are- they’re always a werewolf. so, no matter if you’re in a het or same-gender relationship, you can still ID as Bi.  

the other good news is tht according to recent science, more ppl are ‘not straight’ than are willing to admit it. partly due to our shite society, partly to gender inequality, and partly to the fact tht ppl think once you get into a relationship, from then on you’re only attracted to ppl the same gender as your current partner. ridic! 

so bottom line, you’re here, you’re queer, get used to it. 😜

as for my suggestions; open up to your queer pals and let them help you find your pride. the more you talk about it, the easier it will become. remember tht all of us LGBT+ folx have to come out literally hundreds and thousands of times in our lives, but it does get easier with practice. 

if you can, join Bi accepting events, orgs, and activities outside of formal Pride celebrations. even if it’s only online, you’ll find strength in numbers as there’s lots of other ppl in your same situation. keep reaching out, and work on your self-esteem. cuz you’re worth all the love, dove. 

[queerzaza]

Hi Zaza D. I’m going through a rough time. I’ve been out as bisexual for four years now and it’s been good. But I still have so much internalized homophobia it’s this constant struggle. I KNOW who I like and I know that what I am is normal but my brain still goes and says it’s not and I’m just stuck in this horrible loop of dating men I don’t like and being too scared to talk to girls. It doesn’t help my brother is homophobic and my father is too. any advice for changing the horrible narrative?

sorry to hear tht your family are close-minded asshats, but i hope they grow out of tht hateful mindset. kno tht you are def not alone, turtledove, in dealing w/ homophobia and biphobia. as we’re not just fighting against society’s hate, but also it’s pervasive programming. while it’s not easy, it is possible! here’s some ideas for ways to combat internalised homophobia. aka the manifestation of societies heteronormative and systematically oppressive structures. 

before you can start to change you’ve got to accept where this kind of self-hatred stems from-outside! you weren’t born w/ hate, it was taught to you. remind yourself of this fact often. acknowledge the realities of our society, like how we’re all constantly deluged with negative perceptions and stereotypes about LGBT ppl, while also being forced into compulsory heterosexuality. thereby filling-up our subconscious with cruel and incorrect concepts.

the first step to combating these social ills, is to become self-aware. you already kno this is an issue for you, so you’re halfway there! continue being reflective and introspective, dove. second, work on accepting the fact tht while oppression of homophobia has been put on you, might be a part of you, but it isn’t who you are. this isn’t a permanent state, believe you can overcome it.

next, is becoming a part of an LGBT community. local or online, but you need a network. you need to include other LGBT folks in your trusted inner circle. you could be an activist, a member of a support grp, a patron at a gay club, a volunteer at a youth centre, a friend to proud LGBT ppl. whatever works for you! as long as you find ppl who share the concept of Pride as a rejection of shame. 

if these feelings are pervasive and bothersome, you might be dealing with “minority stress,” which often occurs in the oppressed. there’s a reparative process you can walk thru to heal, but ideally, a mental health professional would guide you. or, if you’re brutally honest w/ yourself, you can do it on your own. either way, turtledove- you’ll need a support network.  

as an aside, keeping away from toxic ppl (anyone or anything anti-LGBT) will help. if you can, protect your heart from you family with whatever means necessary. they don’t need to kno everything about you, esp if they’re only going to hurt you. maintain some distance while you’re growing. 

finally, you are who you’re meant to be and there’s nothing wrong with you. there are many other ppl like you, but they are not you. hell yeah you’re a special snowflake, everyone is, and the more you can learn to accept who you truly are, the better off you and those around you will be. good luck, dove!