#bi.bisexual

[askthebisexual]

Hi! I'm a 15yr old girl. I recently got a crush on a girl I'm friends with. I'd only had crushes on boys before her. I sort of liked her more than any other crush I had ever had, and it was also a less "shallow" attraction, more personality-oriented. I think this may have been because I already loved her as a friend before I got a crush? She likes someone else, so I got over it. Does this mean I'm bi? Am I even "bi enough" to identify with that label? I don't feel straight or bi enough. Help!

“bi enough” is relative. If YOU believe you are bisexual enough then you ARE! Labels have to do with how you feel and not how other people perceive you. So if you feel bisexual is the right label for you then it’s the right label!!

[askthebisexual]

So.. I've known for about 6 months that I'm bisexual, but I haven't told anyone about it. I know that almost all my friends are kind of against the lgbtq community. Me and my bestfriend are usually a bit touchy and that's how we've always been for 2 years. The promblem is, I think I'm falling for her so I need to tell her to stop. I don't know how she would take it.. I need help.

Why is it you need to tell her to stop?  It seems like you enjoy what it is she is doing. I’m worried about you having friends that are against the community and you’re letting this get in the way of what you want.

I also realize that you may just be in a place that may be against it entirely, I can’t in good conscience give you advice one way or another as I don’t 100% know this situation. I don’t want you to get in a dangerous situation because I gave advice without knowing more.

I’m sort of stuck with this ask. I’m sorry.

[askthebisexual]

hello! I am so very confused and was wondering if you could help me figure myself out. I have been dating a guy for almost two years and I love him, he makes me feel safe and wanted and funny and cool and happy and he is honestly such a beautiful person both inside and out. I see myself with him for a long time (which also fucking terrifies me and brings up so many insecurities about the future but thats another story). Basically, I have been looking into myself a lot and come to realise that(c)

(cont.)I am bisexual (as is my boyfriend). I think. I'm not sure. I like girls but cant see myself being with one?? Anyways, I think I am in love with my best friend (who is a girl). Perhaps? I deny this to myself every time I think it but I just want to say it and see what happens. We have been friends for years and my gosh does she irritate me sometimes but, honestly, I adore her. She made me feel not lonely when I first joined the school (13, now 17) and we have done so much together. I think that I can get so frustrated with her sometimes is because I am jealous of when she does stuff without me and I miss her and feel left out. She moved to a college for sixth form and we are still in contact and do lots together but the whole her-making-new-friends was hard for me originally, but eventually we all became friends. She also got a boyfriend, after a while of liking mine. My heart kind of breaks every time I see a picture of them, or them hanging out or her saying nice stuff about him. I miss her a lot, even though not much has changed. I can't tell whether I have a crush on her or just love her as a best-friend and my heart hurts and I'm confused and want to cry a lot. Maybe I'm just an overly possessive person? I hate that I am not the biggest friend she has now? It seems so shallow but maybe.. I just. I always want to tell her how amazing she is and that I love her. I don't know what I'm feeling. Please help.(c) Also, I would not want to act on it - I just want to see what someone else thinks about the situation. I would never want to betray my boyfriend like that.

ANSWER :

This was a hell of an ask because it deals with a ton of emotions. I DO WANT TO STATE UP FRONT THOUGH, THAT THIS IS MY PERCEPTION FROM WHAT’S BEEN ASKED AND I COULD BE 100% WRONG.

I feel that you may not be in love with your best friend but you do have a great deal of affection for them. I think you’re jealous not because you’re in love necessarily but because you wish you were the one making memories and having fun with her. This could very well be a fear of missing out situation. I am using my own experiences with this as I have this sinking feeling in my chest every time I see my best friend out with their partner. It’s not cause I want to be with them romantically, it’s more because I want to just spend time with them. Although I know I can’t because they are both in another country at the moment.

I do however want you to really think about what you said “I think I am in love with my best friend (who is a girl). Perhaps? I deny this to myself every time I think it but I just want to say it and see what happens.”  You say you don’t want to betray your boyfriend but you may already have by wanting to have a relationship with another person and going so far as to wanting to tell this person that you love them.

I just want you to really think about what it is you want and hope to be with.

[askthebisexual]

Hi! So I think I'm in love with this girl. But I have no idea if she's into girls, let alone me. What are some things I can do with her to get to know her better and stuff? I only ever see her in class.

I actually have this exact problem when I try to  make friends, especially at work. I see someone cool and I want to talk to them but I have 0 idea how to approach or get to know them without feeling like I’m being a total creep.

The best way to do this is to bite the bullet and just strike up a conversation. You can start small and just every so often make comments about the weather or use witty puns.Eventually you can ask them if they are binge watching anything or just any other “what are you into” kind of questions.If she someone you already associate with on the reg, you can totally be like casually “Wanna chill some time?” everything from Netflix and snacks to shopping to coffee is fair game. If they are very receptive to these ideas there’s a good chance they might be into you.

As for whether or not this girl is into girls, you could just ask?

[askthebisexual]

Hi! I think I might be bisexual...I started to have stronger feelings for my best friend than before and I really can't explain them. This is the first time I talk about it so I don't even know how to explain myself. I know it's silly especially because I'm 21. I've had a best friend before but I've never felt anything like this. I don't know what's happening to me. I can't even talk to my friends because I'm not even sure about what is this. Could you give me an advice, please?

I want you to know it’s not silly at all. This is sorta how I found out I was bisexual so you’re not alone.

The best advice I can give is think it through but don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Take your time in thinking it over. However, I find you drive yourself crazy overthinking everything during times where its best to just let things happen as they happen. If you find yourself wanting to date your best friend and are ready/feel safe to ask then go for it. Honesty is a good policy and you may find that they wanna date you too.

Hopefully this helps <3

[askthebisexual]

I'm a cis girl, and pretty young so I haven't dated anyone, not even kissed anyone. Anyway, I know I am attracted to guys. I've always been a little attracted to girls, but I thought that was like because they're always sexualized I've been taught to look at them sexually. But recently I've been having more and more thoughts about girls, though so far I've only had crushes on guys. I just, feel like I'd be lying if I ID'd as bi, but also it no longer seems right to call myself straight.

It’s perfect valid to tell people you’re “undecided.” There is no rush to figure things out either. Take your time and figure it out at your own pace. Try out some other identifiers if bisexuality doesn’t fit for you. I believe in you and I know you can do it!

[askthebisexual]

I'm in my 20s and I have only ever been with men but I also look at women but I'm not sure if it's just like "I think she's beautiful/I want to be her" and it's something I've never been sure about. I have a serious boyfriend and have never spoken about this to him or my friends, & i feel sometimes like if I am with him for good I'll never know for sure or it will be too late to explore this, and that fills me with dread that I will miss out on a part of myself that I might be ignoring.

I have felt this way before so you’re not alone. I think you need to take the time to sort out your feelings for women. Like if you have a friend that makes your heart beat super fast or makes you want to grab her hand to makes her smile or her laugh is hella important to you or she makes you feel  like you’re the most beautiful person in the room. Then it may be more than just wanting to be her. However, only YOU will know for sure.

You don’t need to experience things with a women to consider yourself bisexual/ polysexual but I do understand the intrigue. It’s never too late to explore this. Take the time to consider what’s best for you and what decisions will make you happy.

Remember I’m always here if you need to talk.I believe in you.

[askthebisexual]

If I'm bisexual or pansexual can I still call myself refer to myself as gay or queer?

I often do myself. I prefer queer to gay to but to each their own.I tried to look up definitions but they were either unhelpful or vague at best. So I say go for it.