#biglaangblogger

[arnsanityy]

Sila

SILA

Para sa pilit na subok na sapawan ang nais,

sakaling hindi makuha ang hiling

Para piliting magpangiti ng labis,

pambawas sa sakit at iba pang daing

Para sulitin ang minsanang pagkakataon,

na bumigkas ng mga katagang babaon

Para sa 'yo na may pusong tanga,

pero hindi tumitigil sa pagtibok

Para sa'yo na may pag-ibig na lubos

na sa kahit anong sakit hindi maubos,

Paglisang hindi batid,

patuloy ang luhang hatid

Lahat naman ng nagmamahal ay tanga,

alam yan ng lahat ng nagmahal di 'ba

Bawat tibok na may saya,

napalitan ng lumuluhang mata

Bawat pagod ay may pahinga,

kahit minsa'y pilit ang buga

Ang pinakamalaking pagkatanga,

ay hindi ang pagmaga ng mata,

Ang pinakamalaking pagkatanga,

ay hindi ang pagluha sa kanta

Ang pinakamalaking pagkatanga,

ay ang saglit na maniwala kang ika'y mag-isa

May lumisan...

pero hindi ka kulang.

May nawawala...

pero hindi ka naliligaw

May hinahanap...

na init ng yakap

Pero...

Ang kasiyahan ay wala sa "siya at ikaw"

Ang kasiyahan ay nasa "ikaw at sila"

"Sila" na piniling manatili

"Sila" na nalimot mo pero patuloy kang pinili

Sila

"Sila"  ay mas matimbang sa "siya"

Ang buhay ay laging dalawahan

May puti, kaya may itim

May liwanag, kaya may dilim

May luha, dahil may ngiti

May umaalis, pero may uuwi

Mayroong "siya", at mayroong "sila"

Sila

"Sila" ay mas mahalaga sa "siya"

Umalis ang "siya" , nanatili "sila"

Bumitaw ang "siya" , ang sumalo'y "sila"

Ang bawat luha mong para sa kaniya,

ay may tumbas na sakit para sa kanila

Pwede namang maging tanga,

kahit araw arawin mo pa

Basta wag kalimutang mas madami ang "sila" kumpara sa nag-iisang "siya"

(made this as a gift for a dear friend last weekend, realized that the same words speak about me and my own set of "sila" )

[arnsanityy]

Para sa musika na ikaw lang ang may taglay

Para sa musikang hatid Nang bawat dampi ng daliri sa gitara Likhang timpla ng mga nota

Para sa musikang dulot Nang ‘di malimutang timbre’t himig Sabay sa tunog ng 'yong tinig

Para sa musikang dala Nang mga labi mong pusyaw na pula Walang sawang bibigkas ng mga kanta

Para sa musikang saglit mong binahagi, Pinarinig, inawit Para sa musika na ikaw lang ang may taglay Musika na alam kung kailan tatahimik at hihiyaw Musika na may likas na ritmo sa bawat araw Musika na agad nagbigay tono sa monotonous na buhay Musikang naaalala bago isara ang mata sa pagtulog Musikang hinahanap sa bawat pagbangon Musikang wala sa noon at natagpuan sa ngayon Musika na 'di kukupas habang panahon

Salamat, sa musika na ikaw lang ang may taglay. Salamat, sa musika mong taglay. Salamat, dahil ang musika ko'y ikaw.

-A

[arnsanityy]

On writing, even after you left

Gone are those times wherein all I needed was to let my fingers linger with the keyboard.Creativity is a heartless-bitch.

Gone are those moments where all I had to do is remember you and let my feelings do the work.Emotions are cruel these days.

Gone are those  nights where thoughts were overflowing. But still..I continue to write. To tell the silly stories I have. To let my mind fart it's remaining angst.

[arnsanityy]

The Girl I’ve Never Met - Bicol Chapter

A friend of mine is getting married..to the man of her dreams. The first time I heard the news, a couple of months ago, I felt really excited. I have always been a fan of love stories crafted by fate. And their story is truly a special one. So I made all efforts possible to free my sched and attend their wedding day. They're getting married at Sorsogon City, a province located at the southernmost part of Luzon, Philippines. This means, I have to travel approximately 14 hours by bus! 

Heck, I am a fan of love, but not of long bus rides! I mean, I can go for the 6-hour bus ride (to Baguio City, PH) anytime, but 14? I can sit that long I know, I wasn't just sure however if I'll be able to enjoy the ride. Or if I'll still be alive by then LOL. I am just exaggerating in here, I know. But, point is, I really had to convince myself that the travel will be worth it. There is an option to fly, book a plane ticket to Legazpi City, then charter a van to Sorsogon City. Travel time will indeed be shorter. But the rest of my friends (who are also attending the wedding) never really opt to go with that option. So, long bus ride it is!

There are five of us that'll be travelling. I volunteered to be the one who'd rather seat alone. I simply wanted to endure the long bus ride with my earphones on (14 hours of mixed All Time Low and Kamikazee playlist). My friends went straight up the bus, I had to wait for the driver to open it's compartment so I can safely secure my bag in there - 'cos I brought with me my mountaineering bag, with my camera, laptop, bunch of clothes, and my snorkeling gears) I really wanted make this trip worth it LOL. I figured that apart from the wedding, the beaches of Sorsogon City might offer something grand, and I'd really hate to take chances and not bring my gears. :)

And so I boarded the bus, and immediately saw my friend smiling (real wide). Pointing to where I'm about to sit. And there I saw, the person I'll be sharing the long bus ride with. Fixing her things, tapping her smartphone, unaware that someone is (creepily) staring at her. LOL. I ain't that creepy. I just can't stop staring at her right at that moment. Then. My nerves went crazy. Thoughts running. Should I awkwardly say hi to her. Smile at her. Ask her why she's travelling alone. 

I can't. Think. Clearly. I suddenly can't think clearly.

All I could do is stare at her. Damn, she's pretty. Stunning, in full sense of that word. Black hair that shines despite the lackluster bus light. Eyes that that glimmer. (damn I can't even try to describe her right now. I fear that all good words might still be an understatement of the beauty she possess) I sat beside her. While she browsed thru her phone. I sat there, trying to suppress my smiles. But I just can't. So I ended up covering my face with my hoodie, pretending to be asleep. Making her felt as if I'm ignoring her fairy-like presence LOL. I thought back then, I have 14 hours! No rush. I'll get her name, probably add her on FB while sitting beside her, chat with her, talk about life LOL. And I really am a bit confident, that I'll get to know her digits before I reach Sorsogon. Heck, I was even imagining texting her while attending my friend's wedding LOL. 14 hours! The possibilities. :)

Hours passed. Still, can't do anything. It felt as if my tongue has a mind of it's own and is desperately trying to have a nervous breakdown all by itself LOL. I can't muster to speak a word. Not even a hi or a hello. More hours passed. And the longer I wait, the harder it gets to strike a seemingly normal convo. There were bus stops, yes. But damn when I saw her standing beside the bus, an epitome of perfection she was. Damn. I just can't. 

I mean, I know this kind of girl gets noticed a lot. So I wouldn't be somewhat a memorable guy for her if I approach her like everyone else. So I again, calmed myself, and did nothing at that time. My 14 hours has yet to pass. I still got time (or so I thought).

After 10 hours (I slept the time away, nothing sensible to do, cause she was asleep too), I decided to strike a convo with her. As the bus was approaching the Naga City terminal, I asked her (in Tagalog of course) "Do you have an idea where we are right now?". She answered, "Naga". Then she stood up. Grabbed her backpack. And left.

I ain't sure if she lives in Naga. Or if she's just visiting a friend. I'll never know. It took me 10 hours to have the courage to utter those words. And it took just 10 seconds for her to get off the bus.

I know, I could have run after her. Awkwardly ask for her name. Or number. But that may just creep her out. Or not. Maybe she'll find it sweet. Romantic. Maybe she'll end up giving her name. Or her number.

Maybe our love story could have started at that moment. Me rushing towards her, apologizing for ignoring her yet admitting that I just got timid and stunned on how pretty she looks.

I might have told her stories that made up who I am today. The circumstances that led me to fear such beauty. She might have told me she understands my fear, and would love to go on a date sometime.

I would have told her that I'd never worry on going on long bus rides, as long as she's sitting beside me. 

But those...never happened. Never will. Pashneya.

Oh what a love story ours could have been..imagine me telling our kids about how we met....

"Dad has a friend who's about to get married, little did Dad knew, he'll meet the girl of her dreams on that same day. But first, let me tell you about my favorite bus ride..."

[arnsanityy]

Phases of life and random silly stuff

When I was in Kindergarten, we were made to believe that good character is all it takes to be successful in life. Most Punctual Most Respectful Most Friendly Most Behave Most Honest

Then comes Grade School, we learned that a little bit of hard-work is needed to excel at something. Best in Math Best in Science Best in Spelling Best in Science Best in English

In High School, we realized that each one has to master his own craft. Not everyone can be best at everything.The character we gained form Kindergarten and the knowledge we’ve acquired from High school gets to be tested. Math Club President Leadership Awardee Valedictorian Basketball Team Captain Quiz Bee Champion Prom Queen

In College, you start from scratch. You have an accumulated idea of how you should act from Kindergarten, of how you should study for good grades from Grade School, and of how you could be a striking individual that gets to be known from High School. Upon graduating…oh well, you think you can conquer the world. But..you’ll end up wishing that life brings you back to any one of those phases.

[arnsanityy]

TOTGA TOYNH TOTPA

*via SMS* “Pare, pwede tumawag?” “Okay lang. Ge, Tawag ka.” *phone rings* “Hello Arn?” “Yow pare, bakit, ano meron?” “Pare, wala lang, random question lang, anong mas masakit? The One That Got Away o The One You Never Had?” “Para sa akin? Got Away. May elemento ng chance e. Sa Never Had kasi walang nangyaring kahit ano, maski konti wala”

Tapos nag-usap pa kami ng random na kamustahan bago namin tinapos ‘yung random na phone call. Pinagpatuloy ko 'yung Lunch ko. Pero hindi ako mapakali. Tinanong ko ulit 'yung sarili ko. Ano nga bang mas masakit? Yung muntik nang mapasayo pero nawala pa? O yung gusto mo pero kahit kailan hindi mo nakuha? Syempre mas masakit pa din makatapak ng nakakalat na thumbtacks sa gilid ng pool ng Callospa Resort sa Antipolo (wala lang siningit ko lang, kups kasi talaga yung resort crews e)

Okay, going back. The One That Got Away (TOTGA) o The One You Never Had (TOYNH)? Kapag inisip kong mabuti, hindi ko talaga maisip ng maigi. Para kasing bitin yung kwento. Pati hindi ko alam yung deskripsyon ng The One You Never Had. So binigyan ko na lang muna ng sariling deskripsyon para makapagisip ako ng maayos.

TOTGA - Yung taong pinapangarap mo pero pinalagpas mo. Yung taong minsang naging kayo, pero for some life related reasons (other than cheating) pinalaya mo. Yung taong gusto mo sanang huli mo nang mamahalin pero biglang nilayo ng tadhana sa'yo. Yung taong hindi mo napili nung namimili ka kung sino bang mas mahal mo. Yung taong alam mong wala ng makakatapat (in terms of affection felt), pero hindi na ulit pwedeng maging kayo (for some tadhana related reasons). Yung taong minsan mong minahal pero hanggang ngayon alam mo namang mahal na mahal mo pa, pero kasi may mahal na siyang iba kaya pipiliin mo na lang maging masaya para sa kaniya. Yung taong nakilala at minahal mo dati pa, pero sobrang bata niyo pa kasi nun kaya wala din naman sensible direction yugn relasyon niyo. Yung taong minsang naging laman ng mga panaginip mo, at nananatiling pangarap mo hanggang ngayon, pero kailangan mo ng kalimutan kasi hanggang panaginip at pangarap na lang yung mga alaalang 'yun.

TOYNH - Yung taong hindi naging sa'yo (damn, hindi ko talaga gets kung ano 'to)

Ayaw ko ng ituloy 'to. Nalulunod na ako sa feels dahil naalala ko yung TOTGA ko lol *via SMS* “Pare, si Wengweng may sagot, mas masakit daw 'yung The One That Passed Away. HAHAHAHAHA.” TOTPA. Mas masakit nga. Hindi lang feelings 'yung patay, pati tao na.

[arnsanityy]

Oy, Pare.

Para sa kaibigang gumising sa akin ng madaling araw, kasi ayaw na daw niyang magpatuloy sa buhay.

Oy pare,

Minsan gusto mo sanang hilingin na sana isa-isa lang.

Isa-isa lang sana yung patak ng luha mula sa’yong mga mata.

Isa-isa lang din sana yung dating ng mga dahilan ng pagtulo nila.

Sana isa-isa lang. Mahina yung kalaban.

Hindi naman lahat ng tao kayang sumabay sa mga hindi mabilang na problema ng buhay.

Pero...ganun kasi talaga.

Hindi natin mapapatigil sa pag-ikot yung mundo dahil lang sa dahilang gusto mo ng pahinga.

Hindi din naman tamang pillin mong mamahinga, nang pangmatagalan na.

Kapit lang.

Pasensya na, ‘yan lang yung meron ako. Kapit lang.

Hindi sa tinatamad akong magpayo dahil naalimpungatan ako sa pagtawag mo.

Pero, ganun talaga. Wala ng mas lalalim at didirekta pa. Kapit lang.

Kapit lang.

Wag ka mag-alala. Lilipas din yan. Hindi ka naman naiiba sa karamihan. Sa amin.

Kami din naman. Minsan gusto naming hilingin na sana isa-isa lang.

Sana isa-isa lang yung patak ng luha mula saming mga mata.

Sana isa-isa lang din yung dating ng mga dahilan ng pagtulo nila.

Sana isa-isa lang.

Kaya salamat, sa pagiging matapang mo. Sa pag-amin ng kahinaan mo. Kahinaang taglay din namin pero kahit kailan hindi naman kasi kami aamin.

Basta tandaan mo, kapit lang.

[arnsanityy]

Mga TAO, sa mga BUNDOK

MALING TAO, SA MALING BUNDOK

Kapag magkasama kayong umakyat lahat na lang hassle. Sobrang sira ng itinerary. Tipong dahil sa lahat ng hassle, yung planong Mac Trav naging hanggang Maculot Rockies na lang.

Para bang pinaglalayo talaga kayo ng tadhana at ng lahat ng diwata sa kabundukan. Hindi kayo binibigyan ng oras para magkadikit o magkwentuhan.

Maaraw sa lahat ng weather forecast, pero biglang uulan. Maaasar ka sa umaapaw niyang kaartehan. 

Umaapaw siya sa reklamo mula sa jump-off hanggang sa tuktok ng bundok. Yung kaartehan niya biglang hindi mo maarok. 

  TAMANG TAO, SA MALING BUNDOK

Pinapagaan niya yung bawat bigat ng bitbit mo. Pilit kang ngumingiti kahit apaw na yung hingal mo. Pero hindi nakiki-ayon yung lugar sa gusto mo. Hindi ka makahanap ng tiyempo para matabihan siya habang umaakyat. Kapag naman nagpapahinga na yung grupo niyo at susubok kang magsimula ng kwento, may biglang magyayaya para umakyat na. 

Gusto mo sana ng romantic shot sa Pico de Loro Monolith kasama siya, pero mahaba masyado yung pila kaya 'di bale na.

Pagdating sa campsite pareho kayong hindi magiging kumportable dahil sa dumi, o dahil sa kati, o dahil sa ihip ng hangin na may dalang buhangin. 

Walang romantic view na inaasam niyong pareho, puro fog at zero visibility. 

Pagdating ng socials kinagabihan, mas pinili niyang matulog dahil sa sobrang kapaguran.

   MALING TAO, SA TAMANG BUNDOK

Sobrang ganda ng panahon. Malilim, umaga hanggang hapon. Parang pinapayungan kayo ng mga ulap para masamahan mo lang siya sa summit ng Talamitam na minsan niyang pinangarap. Saglit mong inakala na baka nga siya na. Hindi gaanong pagod yung katawan at sobrang sulit ng tanawing nadatnan. Pagdating ng gabi, nilinis lahat ng ulap sa langit para lumitaw lahat ng tala na pwede niyong makita. 

Akala mo siya na. Pero nung hinahanap mo na siya, ayun, may kausap na pala siyang iba. Hindi mo na pinilit isingit yung sarili mo sa oras niya. Binusog mo na lang yung mata mo sa langit at sa likas nitong ganda.

   TAMANG TAO, SA TAMANG BUNDOK

Kapag magkasabay kayo parang nagiging mala-Ambangeg lang ang Akiki. Parang kasing ikli ng Balagbag ang Tarak. Parang kasing swabe ng Batulao ang Cristobal. 

Kasi kapag kasama mo siya, hindi mo na napapansin yung pagod. Hindi mo na iniinda yung hingal. Basta kuntento ka, kasi nasa harap mo siya. Bibigyan mo siya ng sapat na alalay, tapos hahawak siya sa kamay mo habang nagpipigil ng ngiti. Dadating kayo sa tuktok, pero laging bitin sa pakiramdam. Kasi walang tagal ng oras ang sasapat para magsawa ka sa presensya niya. 

Lilingon kayo sa sobrang gandang ulap, habang tumatawa sa mga imaheng nabubuo rito. Pagdating ng gabi, masaya kayong kakain, kahit alam niyong madumi pa yung mga kamay niyo, kahit hilaw pa yung inihaw, o may ilang bigas pa sa kanin, alam mong mabubusog kayo.

Bago matulog lilingon kayo sa langit, ituturo yung mga tala. Sabay na mangangarap.

  Pero sa lahat ng aahon, ‘wag landi ang unahin. Mas masarap pa din na ‘yung mismong pag-ahon ang sulitin.