#binary-bird

[halcyyan]

pov you are @binary-bird‘s dnd character and a big bad boss battle is coming up

>u> check out the whole list of bops here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/56l3FoYsXG1UwXN7zVObrK?si=8b44848b59c142a1

[portalportalau]

I never played portal before but I saw one of your comics on youtube AND I WISHIPLAYEDPORTAL

Oh it wasn’t mine! It was @binary-bird‘s! Send them LOOOOOVE

AND I’M GUESSING IT WAS THIS ONE DUBBED BY THE WONDERFUL @dryeguy

SEND THEM BOTH LOVE

[beholdthemem]

Have I ever mentioned how much I love @binary-bird ‘s Supernatural AU?

(No, not the tv show, you heathens. This is about college theater nerds, dammit. THEATER NERDS!)

David Hammond is extremely passionate about Hamlet, and is also, (For the sake of the AU. Not... not normally, I’m pretty sure...) less importantly, a vampire.  Andrea Dale, meanwhile, has in the past couple of years been Ophelia, Veronica Sawyer, possibly Beatrice (Or maybe that’s just her personality in general) and a werewolf.

Evidently they learn that about one another eventually. 

(I’m not actually sure when they told each other in canon or if they just knew from the beginning, so this is probably incorrect- but the idea of them each assuming the other was a totally normal human despite blatant evidence to the contrary was really funny to me. 

“EAT! SOME! THING!” Andy snarls, aggressively shoving a sandwich at David during the third six hour rehearsal this week that he’s come to with absolutely no food and only indistinct, uncomfortable, muttering as to whether or not he remembered to have breakfast.

“I! BROUGHT! JUICE!” David splutters in protest, clutching the thermos he never lets anyone else touch to his chest, nearly sloshing the dark red liquid he claims is cherry juice onto himself and debating just claiming to have some kind of mutant metabolism that doesn’t require regular meals. Would she buy that? Maybe? Why the fuck does she never give anyone ELSE this much trouble about THEIR questionable habits?

“Also, if you could bring me some clothes, that would be amazing.” Andy says three nights later, hiding in a bush post-transformation and silently planning the slow and gruesome murder of whoever stole her clothes. This has been her routine every month for almost a year now, go to the park around midnight when nobody’s there, strip, leave clothes under the slide to grab later, shift, hunt, change back, grab clothes, and then go to Denny’s to replace the five bazillion calories a full-body transformation burns up and get the taste of raccoon out of her mouth. She has never ONCE had a problem until tonight, but it’s post-shift time, and she is not at Denny’s because her clothes are NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. 

“...like a jacket, or-?” David says on the other end of the phone, feeling very lost.

“A shirt of some nature, maybe?” Andy says, squeezing her eyes shut and wishing for death. “Also, pants would be good.”

“Um,” David says at last, suddenly wondering if the rumors on campus are true and she really IS an assassin. Is that why she needs new clothes? Her old ones got covered in blood when she murdered her target so she had to burn them and is now stranded? Should he be honored or alarmed that he was the first person she thought of to help her with this? If he says yes, is that going to make him an accomplice? “...sure.”

“Thanks.”

Humans, David thinks to himself, getting up and hunting for something that might fit her, are fucking WILD.

Meanwhile, Ray, the lone human in this friend group, figured out the vampire-werewolf thing AGES ago and has only refrained from mentioning this knowledge out of politeness. They’ll tell him when they’re ready, and he will pretend to be very surprised when and if they ever do.)

[voiceboss]

Visit Original Link

I saw @binary-bird‘s POST and I just had to voice it.

I can’t turn down a horrible, horrible Dad joke.

[Added more up to that point because I don’t get out much and I love Shakespeare.]

PATREON | TWITTER | YOUTUBE | KO-FI

HORATIO

He waxes desperate with imagination.

MARCELLUS

Let's follow; 'tis not fit thus to obey him.

HORATIO

Have after. To what issue will this come?

MARCELLUS

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

HORATIO

Heaven will direct it.

MARCELLUS

Nay, let’s follow him!

Exeunt

SCENE V. Another part of the platform. Enter GHOST and HAMLET

HAMLET

Where wilt thou lead me? speak; I'll go no further.

GHOST

Mark me.

HAMLET

I will.

GHOST

My hour is almost come, When I to sulphurous and tormenting flames Must render up myself.

HAMLET

Alas, poor ghost!

GHOST

Pity me not, but lend thy serious hearing To what I shall unfold.

HAMLET

Speak; I am bound to hear.

GHOST

Hello Bound to Hear, I’m Dad.

HAMLET

I... Dad, for fuck’s sake.

[deeranddragons]

Kal MacGregor, aka The Eye, strikes fear into the hearts of friends and foes when they go into a berserker rage during a fight, giving them super strength and wicked sharp fangs. The metal knuckles built into their suit don't hurt, either. (Aka @binary-bird 's hamlet superhero au inspired me to dust off my superhero(?) persona/oc/hot mess)

[beholdthemem]

Hamlet and M&Ms (Rad Trio Ficlet)

David’s sitting in the back holding a bag of M&Ms- presumably from the aged vending machine outside- and glaring at Cory as he bitches about everyone’s performance. The girl who plays Gertrude appears to be near tears. The nice techie with the glasses, who has been sitting with her for moral support, gives her a one-armed hug and whispers something encouraging.

Andy really has to figure out his name sometime. This is the same guy who snuck out to get her food that day when Cory insisted on going over the Get Thee To A Nunnery scene fifty damn times, and any time someone gets hurt he’s always there with a band-aid. If angels exist, they have brown hair, terrible eyesight, and a penchant for Kierkegaard. Honestly, at this point Andy would probably die for him.

(If she could just figure out his name… Ray? She thought she’d heard someone call him Ray once. Ray. Ray, or possibly Jay.)

Nothing in that vending machine has been replaced since the day it was installed. Those M&Ms have to be ancient. She’s been debating telling David to throw them out, but considering his track record with food she feels like she probably shouldn’t discourage an attempt at feeding himself. He remembered to eat without somebody actively forcing him this time, good LORD! 

(Baby steps.)

“If you share with me I’ll give you my firstborn child,” she says in an undertone, coming to sit with him. David gives a start, glancing at her and then back to Cory. Cory, in the middle of a melodramatic arm sweep, is facing the stage and has conveniently noticed nothing.

“What would I do with your firstborn child?” David finally mumbles without taking his eyes off Cory’s back. He’s still scowling, but she notices some of the tension has gone out of his shoulders and takes that as a signal that he’s willing to play along.

“Well, I would hope that you’d raise her as your own,” Andy says, propping her feet up on the seat in front of her. “Protect her, cherish her, and when the time is right, give her a sword and send her off to make her way in the world.”

“A sword?” David repeats, finally looking at her. Andy shrugs, nodding. 

“I mean, she can’t go questing without a sword. It’s just impractical.”

“Why is she going questing?” David asks. The fact that he’s keeping this going kind of surprises her, but she doesn’t show it, exaggeratedly rolling her eyes.

“David, have you never read a fairy tale? That’s what children do. They grow up, they turn twelve-”

“Twelve? I’m giving a sword to a twelve year old?”

“Well, twelve is traditional. Are you telling me you didn't want your own sword when you were twelve?”

“I would have loved to have had my own sword when I was twelve, which is exactly why I think she shouldn’t have one.” David says and it takes Andy a moment longer than expected to counter him while she processes that. It’s not exactly personal information- every twelve year old in the world wants a sword- but hearing it from David is somehow surprising. Maybe it’s the acknowledgement that he was a ever a kid at all, or just that he didn’t hesitate admitting it to her. And it’s silly, but at the same time it feels like kind of a big deal, because they’ve been working together for like two months and offstage she still knows like, nothing about him. He’s just kind of a standoffish person.

The main thing they have in common, as far as she can tell, is a shared powerful burning hatred of Cory. By the second week of quietly seething about what a pain in the ass he was together, Andrea had come to the conclusion that David wasn’t actually a bad guy. A bit odd, perpetually pissed off, and slightly emo- but still funny, clever, and in general a pretty cool person. 

Probably fun to hang out with outside of rehearsal too, if he ever gets comfortable enough with her to agree to that.

“Middle schoolers should not be given weapons.That’s just common sense. I give her a sword, and by the next day she’ll be threatening all the other kids on the block for insulting her favorite Naruto characters. Actually, while we’re on the subject, where’s she going to learn to use it? Am I supposed to teach her?”

“Hm?” Andy blinks, having been momentarily sidetracked by the mental image of a twelve year old David furiously arguing about Naruto with the sort of vehemence the current version reserves for incorrect Hamlet opinions. She has no idea what he actually looked like at that age, but the kid she’s picturing is about a foot shorter than whoever he’s arguing with and looks like he’s never seen a hairbrush in his life. It’s equal parts hilarious and kind of adorable. “Oh. Y’know, I’m gonna go ahead and say yes. Yes, as the child’s hypothetical guardian in this scenario, you would be expected to teach her.”

“You know, this is sounding like less and less of a bargain.” David tells her out of the side of his mouth as Cory suddenly turns, squinting suspiciously in their direction. Andrea makes an effort to look appropriately downcast until he looks away again, then returns to her sales pitch.

“Okay, maybe you don’t understand what I’m offering here. For the small, meager price of some of your Skittles-”

“M&Ms.” David corrects, popping another candy in his mouth. Andy eyes the bag dubiously. The vending machine arrived almost ten years ago, those things must be like rocks. She could swear she heard something crack when he bit down and she’s only fifty percent sure it was an M&M rather than his jaw.

But food is food and beggars can’t be choosers, and she finished that leftover protein bar like an hour ago and if she sneaks out to go buy something Cory is going to full on Nicholson and start chasing people down with axes while screaming about how no one appreciates what what he’s trying to create here and though Andy is confident she can outrun him, she knows in her heart that Gertrude-Girl would be a goner.

And she just can’t have that on her conscience. 

“Fine. For the tiny, minor, insignificant price of some of your M&Ms, I am offering you an opportunity to experience the miracle of-”

“If you say parenthood I swear to God-”

“Being a mentor-”

“That’s not what you were going to say.”

“Yes, it was.”

“Lies.”

“It absolutely was, it one hundred percent was, that is EXACTLY where I was going with this. I am offering you the opportunity to mentor a new hero for the modern age, to pass on your knowledge to the next generation. I am letting you in on becoming part of a legend, by helping this hypothetical child reach her destiny. You can be like Merlin-”

“No.”

“Yoda?”

“No.”

“Mr. Miyagi.”

“Oh my God.”

“Okay you say that now, but you are going to fall in love with this kid because she’s gonna be lovable as shit. You are gonna be so glad you decided to be her Mr. Miyagi. You are going to teach her everything she needs to know about swords, and quests, and yelling at people-”

“Yelling at people, really-”

 “and on her twelfth birthday, as she prepares to leave behind everything she’s ever known, she’s going to look you in the eye and say ‘Thank you, David. For everything I know. You’ve been the greatest teacher/father-figure I could have ever asked for. But I have to face my destiny now. You see I have often dreamed/of a far off place/where a great warm welcome/would be waiting for me-’”

David chokes on an M&M.

Andy frantically smacks him on the back, sending him into a violent coughing fit before he finally hacks the thing up. She thumps him once more on reflex, then raises her hands in surrender as he swats her, eyes watering.

There’s a overly exaggerated throat clearing from the front, and they both look up to see everyone staring at them, Cory included. 

“Is there a problem?”

“Not at all!” Andy says with all the fake sincerity as she can muster. David, who has been as argumentative as he can possibly get away with short of actually being kicked out since day one, just glares at him.

“I’m glad to hear it,” Cory says icily, giving her a look that Andy thinks translates to something like ‘I-Can-And-Will-Replace-You-If-Necessary’. She returns it with a smile that shows slightly too many teeth, and he turns his attentions just a little too quickly to David to convincingly pretend it doesn’t unnerve him. HA.

There’s a very intense thirty seconds of silence while Cory and David scowl at each other. Cory looks away first, haughtily drawing up whatever dignity he has left and muttering something that sounds suspiciously like “Die quieter,” before going to back to berating the cast. Ray glances back at them in concern, but seems slightly mollified by Andy’s thumbs up.

“So,” she says at last, watching Cory’s self important blustering rise to a crescendo and doing her best not to move her mouth. “About those M&Ms-”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” David hands over the bag. “Here.”

“Sweet!”

She pours herself a handful before passing it back. They’re every bit as stale as she expected. 

“Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Hammond.” 

“Raise your own firstborn.” David mutters, rolling his eyes. Andy notices, however, as they watch Cory’s I’m-The-Director-Goddammit-In-This-Theater-I-AM-GOD meltdown, that the corner of his mouth is tipped up ever so slightly.

It’s not quite a smile, but it’s a start.

@binary-bird thank you for giving us all permission to write about your theater nerds. They are a delight and I love them.

[halcyyan]

@binary-bird, @lemonbrows, and I did the sketch - lineart - color art meme with all our Hamlets!

The Cloak of Solemn Black Squad™