#biologicalself

[i-am-gabrielle-blog]

BIOLOGICAL SELF

Biological Self. What is it all about? I believe that the self is a piece of replicating machinery. I think it is the easiest way to define the self. Based on what I have learned and understood over time, sometimes we define ourselves or others because of what they came from or what kind of family they have. It is like what the parents are, is what likely their child would be. Just like what we sometimes have observed from ourselves, we realize that we think and look like our parents. And also on our physical self, it is what we interface with our environment and fellow being. It can be easily examined and observed since it is a tangible aspect of the self. I think our physical self is our body. 

[intestineself-blog]

A 19-year-old girl who has no definite idea of how boy-girl dating works so decides that maybe, relationships are not her thing. Well that girl is me. Looking at my friends who's had a couple of successful relationships, I became hopeful that one day, I could have what they have. But then, while there are those who are ecstatic on their relationship, there are also those who had miserably failed theirs, and I was not always an optimistic person so these failure stories took a deeper toll on me and I grew afraid of engaging in relationships. As the years go by, I became nonchalant whenever people around me talk about attraction to others or that they are interested in someone. I calmly avoid having those kinds of talks because it doesn't spark my interest. They usually ask me, "Oh, don't you think that blahblah is cute?", "I think bagay kayo ni balhblah", and I usually reply, "Ah, I'm not interested in boys". I may not be interested in dating guys, but I have always had guy friends. These guy friends of mine made me realize that a guy and a girl may be JUST friends for a long time. Some thought that maybe after spending much time with them, I would eventually develop feelings but I proved them wrong. I did not develop anything romantic with any of them because these guys were silly enough and I cannot even imagine being tied in a relationship with any of them. If anything, these guys had me thinking that I was right on being disinterested on guys. They make me feel like I should really not expect much on guys because at the end of the day, boys will be boys, or what I meant was they really tend to be jerks at times. But surprisingly, as much as they disappoint me with their antics, there are also notable times when they unexpectedly make me raise my standards on guys. I think that they continuously show me how I should be treated if ever I decide on entering the dating zone. For that, I am very grateful that I have met these sons of mine who cares for me as much as I care for them. Just as how my guy friends treated me with adequate care, my high school best friend served my pillar of support especially when I was down nursing a heartache and she encouraged me to be strong even though she was down herself. My best friend, who is a lesbian, treats me as well as our other friends a lot better than how the boys in our school treat me which is why she was also an integral part on how I made my standards for the guy that I would date in the future.

[intestineself-blog]

I know it might sound absurd but when I was still a child, I've always thought that I look nothing like my parents nor my siblings. My siblings have always had a fairer complexion than me and my mom explained that while my brother and sister got their fair complexion from her, I was the only one who took after dad's. The petty child that I was before wished to turn back time and inherit my mom's complexion before she got here in Manila. But surprisingly, as I grew up, aside from the complexion, I got nothing more from my father's physical qualities. Now, it feels like my mom is looking at the mirror whenever she sees me. From the wavy hair, to the wide forehead, the almost absence of eyebrows, the deep set eyes, and even my body type shows that I am definitely mom's daughter.

My mom may have taken a huge part in terms of the physical qualities that I have right now but there are still some parts which I got from neither of them or should I say it was a mixture of both of them. My wide smile along with my short limbs is something that I did not get from my parents and it makes me wonder if it was my fault that my limbs were a bit short. Maybe, I did not stretch enough before.

There was a point in my life when I used to not like how I looked and I would silently blame my parents for not having the best visuals. As I am about to enter adulthood, I realize that I was very immature for I was only focusing on how society wants me to look like and I failed to see how each one of us is unique from each other and that I should be grateful for my parents for making someone as cute as me.

[abudhabby29-blog]

[abudhabby29-blog]

Finally here I am with acceptance that I couldn’t really maintain a balanced weight. Yet through that process I learned that everything I do is for myself only. So I’ll take little steps to improve my health and be always confident in the body that I have.

[abudhabby29-blog]

Never was I happy in the body that I had throughout the years. As people especially family kept telling me “you’ve got fat” or “you’ve got thin” and it’s a large blow to one’s self confidence. Here I am questioning and challenging myself to diet and exercise. The biggest debate in my head was “ Am I doing this for myself or for the approval of everybody?”

[abudhabby29-blog]

The picture I found wherein I looked the most confident ever since. I’ll tell that this is the weight loss body for one year. I’m not the type of person who exercises but I diet a lot especially when my mood is not that great. I’ll tell you a secret about me right now. When I’m at my lightest somehow it’s my saddest moments.

[abudhabby29-blog]