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College is about being bombared by questions such as “Where so you see yourself in 5 years?”. I cannot count how may essays I have already done regarding this question. In every essay, my answer varies. Just like how I perceive my future self now, it is different from all my previous answers. First, I imagine myself taking care of kids, may it be my own kids or just my nieces and nephews from my siblings in case I decide not to marry. I have always liked kids so I promised myself that there will be kids in my life in the future but they don’t necessarily have to come from me. Next, I imagined that I already finished my studies before it gets the opportunity to finish me. I would be paying back all the hardwork that my family exerted just to put me through a good school. And lastly, I imagine myself as a professional. An engineer. A good one. Instill do not know what the future holds for me so this list will eventually be worn out and replaced very soon. But whatever it may be, I am hoping that the future could be very good to me and i could only ensure it by living in the present and learning from the past.

#FutureSelf

‘Ah ako neutral lang ako pagdating sa politics.’ - these are words that never came out of my mouth. I was raised in a very opinionated and firm environment where there is a need to stand by your opinions especially on politics. My mother is closely related to politicians in our area so it was very difficult to avoid talks about politics in our family. Due to this, I have learned to voice out my opinions may it be on local or national level of politics. I have learned to correct my family’s opinions whenever I think that they are being biased and I have publicly voiced out my own sentiments whenever someone asks them from me. I was never politcally neutral. I always try to weigh the pros and cons so that i could get to choose a side. And now that ai am in the right age to exercise my right to vote, I shall execute my opinions and vote for the people i think deserves to be put into the responsibility that the positions call for.

#politicalself

I know it sounds cliché, but I always ask myself, “Why am I still here?”. This question always pops up whenever I am feeling so down. It was not until I reached my recent breakdown when I realized that the answers were already presented before me. I am still here because there are people, people who believes in me, and people who I want to be happy at all costs. My life is dedicated for service. When i join the workforce, I would be serving my own community as well as my family who have raised me to become who I am today. A life of service, serving only happiness to those who feel deprived of it and those who already got it, but could still use a little more. I never thought that the once complicated question could have such a simple answer. I am happy that I got to determine the purpose I want in this life. I hope that i would be able to live up to it so that I may leave this world without any regrets knowing that I have already fulfilled it.

#DiscoveringLifesMeaning

If the opportunity to take a break and just look at the fine scenery outside a car window where I could just inhale fresh air would present itself to me, I never reject that opportunity. I am a person who loves to get away from polluted cities and spend hours looking at the peaceful mountains, hearing the chirping birds, and the waves slowly crashing into the shore. I am so sad because now that I am in a quarterm system in college, I would always miss opportunities to travel to places where its really peaceful. Taking myself and surrendering to the nature really helps me to calm down and I even forget all my worries. I don’t know what it is, but nature really does have a calming and relaxing ability. When I become stable in life, it is my dream to get a house far away from the city, where I could enjoy and inhale nature and possibly peacefully die there.

#ConnectionsWithNature

The person above was the person who used to believe that the spirituality of a person only lies or is only related to his relationship to the divine being God. I used to think that we cannot take spirituality without mentioning religion. But now, I have learned that the spirituality of a person also lies within the ideas that pop into his head, the different aspects of his existence, and his connections with his environment. I have learned that my inner soul is my awareness of what is happening in my environment, my inner soul is also comprised of the relationships I have formed with people, and if you search deep within me, you will be able to see my worries, as well as my longing to find my purpose here in this world.

#innersoul

The series of photos above were the manifestations of myself regulating my emotions. I started acting and performing when I was in high school, where I joined the theater club in our school. From then on, I learned how to control my emotions, how I could perceive them, how I could influence myself to show such emotions by thinking of several things. As an actor, you would have to learn all of this. I wasn’t thinking of pursuing acting or performing but this opportunity to join Sigabo knocked and I was too defenseless to reject it. Through this competition, I was able to increase my capacity to influence my emotions both while performing and off-stage. I did not expect that I will come to learn this just from spending 5 months with these people and environment.

#EmotionalRegulation

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to distinguish one’s own emotions as well as the emotions of others around you. It was long ago when I am living with only knowing that in life, you can only feel sad or happy. That’s how simple minded I was before. But as I grew up, I was able to distinguish that there are other emotions too. I felt happy, sad, angry, excited. There were a wide variety of emotions that I got to experience up until now. Before, I had a difficulty in distinguishing what emotion I am feeling at the moment. But now, I can say that my emotional intelligence has definitely increased as I can easily know now without any doubt, what I am feeling. Moreover, I have also developed the capacity to know what the people around me are feeling. Through knowing this, I could match my emotions, or rather, decide on my next move that would not affect them in any negative way.

#EmotionalIntelligence

Our brains are in a blank state when we are born. It is what we call as tabula rasa. However, as we grow up, we stumble upon things, we learn along the way. As for me, I couldn’t put the credit al for myself for learning everything that I know up to this very moment. I am nothing if not for the people whom I consider as my greatest mentors in life. I would not have learned how to eat, drink, read, and write if not for my hardworking family members. They have taught me the basic things that I would have to k now to get on with life but until today, they are still there to teach me especially now that I am already an adult, an adult who is still naive . Next, I would not have learned the complicated algebra and math equations if not for the first teacher who guided me and I’ve learned from so much, Ms. Del Castillo. She was strict, but she allowed us to make mistakes, and from hose mistakes, she taught us how to find our strength especially in Math. Lastly, my mentor in Chemistry, the professor who made me think that Chemistry was easy if learned in the right way. The mentor who made it seem like Chemistry was super fun, and he was not wrong at all. Because of these people, I was able to unlock a whole new level of learning. I believe that I would meet a lot more who will contribute to things I know right now.

#HumanLearning

“Kabisote ka naman eh.” These are the words that I used to receive from my mother when I was still studying back in my former school during elementary and high school. She said that everything I know came solely from memorizing the formulas and the contents found in the books I read. She was always proud of my academic achievements, but she said that I should never rely only on the knowledge I get from the books. She said that I am academically smart, but I suck at being street smart. This is the point where I said that maybe it is time that I use my cognition, memory, and intelligence in other aspects and not just in studying. And true enough, when I stepped out of the traditional zone for the use of the three things that I mentioned earlier, I was able to become the street smart my mother had always wanted me to be. I realized that cognition, intelligence, and memory were the things that govern our daily lives. I am ashamed of myself for always thinking that they are firstly related to academics before anything else.

#CognitiveMemoryIntelligence

I was born into a middle class family. There are times when we have something in excess, and there are also times when what we have isn’t enough for everyone. But most of the time, we have the exact amount to survive the rough days ahead. Because of this, I learned to value money and find ways to prolong my allowances, and also learned to prioritize my needs and ignore my wants. However, when I left the province to study in Manila, I struggled to save money as I am always and unexpectedly bombarded by the payments I have to make. Now, most of the time that I look at my wallet, it feels like I am cutting an onion because I am teary eyed to see nothingness prevailing inside my wallet. And just when I thought there are paper bills in the hidden pockets, I am greeted by the tons of bus tickets I got from commuting. I keep on struggling to keep some savings because I keep on succumbing to my cravings and spending more than I allowed myself in food while thinking that I should not hold myself back in putting my money down for food. I do hope I could control myself so I could save something for myself in times of emergency, or when my allowance already reached its end when its supposed to last for another week.

#MaterialSelf #EconomicSelf

A decade ago, I started using social media for fun, just because my classmates were all using it. I started with creating a friendster account, which is nowhere to be seen now since it is already down. But I remember, my friends know that it is me but all of us were using another person’s picture or an anime character instead of our real pictures. We were taking on another identity even when we are conversing with one another. However, as time passed, I eventually ditched using social media this way and used it as a channel to communicate with my friends and even my family. It also became a means for me to pour out what I want to say even if it is random or out of the blue especially on my twitter account. In terms of influence, I usually turn to social media to look for reviews regarding a new product, a new movie, series and others. I value opinions which I think are legit and was critically thought by the author. However, I rarely use social media right now especially Facebook since it is already riddled with ridiculously absurd posts. I usually scroll a few times, laugh at memes, then close it. I also do not post a lot unless I am sharing memes or things I know my peers and I could all relate to at some level. I think that the time where I woukd delete all my accounts beside my facebook account for chatting is very near since using social media does not really spark my interest anymore.

#SocioDigitalSelf

There is a saying that goes ‘no man is an island’. A man cannot survive all by himself in this world. In one way or another, he/she will eventually seek other people in order to fulfill his desires.

Being part of various and diverse social groups is one of the crucial aspects which shaped me into the individual I am today. I believe that I have become the combination of all the influence that I intentionally and unintentionally embraced from all the people that I have met from the very beginning up to now. First, from the day I was born, I was already part of a social group which is my family. A baby’s mind is blank and I only learned how to talk, how to walk, and how to eat properly because of my family. Moreover, my family has also shaped my morals - my views on what is right or wrong, and became my role models on how I should become when I eventually have a family of my own, and how I should always weigh the cons and pros before making a decision. Lastly, the people I have met in school, may they be my friends, classmates, or mentors, have all managed to make an impact and bring about a new side of me that I never knew existed. I learned new ways on how I could maximize my studying time through gathering my friends’ habits and trying what would work on me. I learned how to play instruments and it led to choosing instrumental music than the usual songs that are presented everywhere. Also, I have learned to value each and every point and percentage because my mentors have taught me that even the smallest 2 percent can be crucial to your grade. This is why I had been working extra hard to earn those credits and I have not been this industrious when I was in high school so I would like to think that I developed.

These people have all made me develop into the person that is currently making this right now and I believe that they, alongside with new people that will come in the future, will continue to shape my life in a way I can never predict.

#socialself

A 19-year-old girl who has no definite idea of how boy-girl dating works so decides that maybe, relationships are not her thing. Well that girl is me. Looking at my friends who's had a couple of successful relationships, I became hopeful that one day, I could have what they have. But then, while there are those who are ecstatic on their relationship, there are also those who had miserably failed theirs, and I was not always an optimistic person so these failure stories took a deeper toll on me and I grew afraid of engaging in relationships. As the years go by, I became nonchalant whenever people around me talk about attraction to others or that they are interested in someone. I calmly avoid having those kinds of talks because it doesn't spark my interest. They usually ask me, "Oh, don't you think that blahblah is cute?", "I think bagay kayo ni balhblah", and I usually reply, "Ah, I'm not interested in boys". I may not be interested in dating guys, but I have always had guy friends. These guy friends of mine made me realize that a guy and a girl may be JUST friends for a long time. Some thought that maybe after spending much time with them, I would eventually develop feelings but I proved them wrong. I did not develop anything romantic with any of them because these guys were silly enough and I cannot even imagine being tied in a relationship with any of them. If anything, these guys had me thinking that I was right on being disinterested on guys. They make me feel like I should really not expect much on guys because at the end of the day, boys will be boys, or what I meant was they really tend to be jerks at times. But surprisingly, as much as they disappoint me with their antics, there are also notable times when they unexpectedly make me raise my standards on guys. I think that they continuously show me how I should be treated if ever I decide on entering the dating zone. For that, I am very grateful that I have met these sons of mine who cares for me as much as I care for them. Just as how my guy friends treated me with adequate care, my high school best friend served my pillar of support especially when I was down nursing a heartache and she encouraged me to be strong even though she was down herself. My best friend, who is a lesbian, treats me as well as our other friends a lot better than how the boys in our school treat me which is why she was also an integral part on how I made my standards for the guy that I would date in the future.

#sexualself #biologicalself

I know it might sound absurd but when I was still a child, I've always thought that I look nothing like my parents nor my siblings. My siblings have always had a fairer complexion than me and my mom explained that while my brother and sister got their fair complexion from her, I was the only one who took after dad's. The petty child that I was before wished to turn back time and inherit my mom's complexion before she got here in Manila. But surprisingly, as I grew up, aside from the complexion, I got nothing more from my father's physical qualities. Now, it feels like my mom is looking at the mirror whenever she sees me. From the wavy hair, to the wide forehead, the almost absence of eyebrows, the deep set eyes, and even my body type shows that I am definitely mom's daughter.

My mom may have taken a huge part in terms of the physical qualities that I have right now but there are still some parts which I got from neither of them or should I say it was a mixture of both of them. My wide smile along with my short limbs is something that I did not get from my parents and it makes me wonder if it was my fault that my limbs were a bit short. Maybe, I did not stretch enough before.

There was a point in my life when I used to not like how I looked and I would silently blame my parents for not having the best visuals. As I am about to enter adulthood, I realize that I was very immature for I was only focusing on how society wants me to look like and I failed to see how each one of us is unique from each other and that I should be grateful for my parents for making someone as cute as me.

#physicalself #biologicalself

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