#sexualself

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JOURNAL ENTRY #6: Letter to my 14 year old self

A letter to my 14-year old self...

You used to be a happy-go-lucky girl, enjoying yourself, feeling the moment, you aren’t that sensitive, you bond with everyone, and you’re the happiest despite a broken family. You put on “kikay” look and wear whatever you want. I remember you cutting your brows with scissors because they were too thick, go to school, and your classmates were laughing at you and you laughed with them like crazy. Now that I’m a 19-year old teenager, I am carefully understanding my physical and sexual self. Your insecurities are still here. I truly hate our hairy body where I almost have a thick mustache like a monkey. I can’t wear shorts, sando tops, or makeups here at my house because I am afraid of perverts. When someone goes near our house, they smirk, smile, and I just ignore them. I’ve also heard lots of stories around here, and I don’t want to experience that. I only dress in pajamas or clothes with long sleeves or jacket. I make myself more unattractive so that no one will be interested in me. I wear long pants when I go out by myself, but when I’m with my friends and my family on mothers’ side, I can wear trendy clothes because I feel comfortable with them. Everything is different now, I want you to be proud of yourself. Your flaws are still my flaws, but I am learning to appreciate their uniqueness and beauty. I’m beautiful like you, but I don’t want to. As much as I want to live life the way you do, I have to be cautious of my surroundings and take care of myself for I live alone. I want to stay single, but I have a guy crush with similar characteristics to your crush. I am taking steps wisely now.

[dreisus]

BIOLOGICAL - The Sexual Self

The sexual self is probably one of the most sensitive topics there is to tackle around here in the Philippines. Usually in a Filipino household, talking about the sexual self or sex is seen as taboo, but I think otherwise.

From what I learned and confirmed from the lessons I have taken up in GED101, is that a persons sex is determined the moment the person is born. A penis for a male and a vagina for the females. The sex is permanent but the gender is something else. Gender is something that isn't assigned to you the moment you were born. Instead, this is something the person has to figure out on their own. As a person grows up, sexual urges will come. It is normal for humans to engage sexual intercourse to satisfy their sexual desires or urges. Although engaging sexual intercourse is satisfying for a human, it has consequences when done recklessly. Careless sexual intercourse will put themselves at risks in getting diseases called the the sexually-transmitted diseases or the STDs which are still hard to cure up to this day. With that being said, a person must always be aware of precautions and the right mindset to take care of himself or herself when it comes to their sexual lives.

In my case, this is how it goes. I am born with a penis, so yes I am male. For my gender identity, I am identified as a straight person. I am very much in love with women, in fact I am courting this special person for almost 2 years now. I love her. Anyways, yes. When it comes to sexual urges, I am avoiding it now as much as possible. I know that there is so much to risk when it is done. I don't want to engage sexual intercourse with as many girls as I can because I know they are not trophies. I want to be able to be intimate with the person I love who I will be spending the rest of my life with in the future. I've done mistakes along the way when it comes to this topic, pulling off risky things to satisfy myself and I regret it. But as humans, I think we could always be better tomorrow than we are today. That's what I'm trying to achieve.

Thanks to GED101, I am now aware to truly be aware of safe sex. One of the best advice that the professor has given is to avoid STDs, the best way to do it is to stay true to one person. I loved that and I think that is something most of us must follow. However, for those working in THAT industry, I respect them. Having STD tests and prevention of it is another way of getting it done. So yes, safety for the sexual self is very much important. Stay true to one person, or you spend your money in condoms.

[aesferson-blog]

Sex Ed. with Aes

Hey guys!! Whats up?? Its nice to see you again!! For my last blog post, I wrote about the Physical self and how you should love your physical body and why its important for you to take care of it. So this next part of the unpacking the self is all about the sexual self. When our instructor Sir Dadis discussed about the sexual self, I heard a lot of snickering from my classmates. I understood why of course but I’ve always found the sexual self very intriguing because gender equality and the SOGIE bill has been a huge issue these days. Many people struggled to conform into the genders they've been put into like being masculine or feminine. To understand further, we have to start from the top layer of this issue. Now primary sex characteristics are the physical characteristics present at birth. These are what we call the genitals. The penis and the vagina. The secondary sex characteristics develops during puberty (at the age of 10-13 yrs of age) when enlargement of breast, developing pubic hair, and menstruation happens for females while males develop broader voice and Adams apple, pubic and facial hair starts to grow. Now there's this thing called the Erogenous Zone where certain parts have areas that can trigger pleasure and sensation to your body. It mostly happens when the self starts to develop attraction. Attraction is a positive attitude held by one person toward another person. Attraction gets deeper when both individuals are in love. Now there are three components of love; intimacy, passion, and commitment. Once attraction is strong, trust builds up and then comes the sexual intercourse which will build attachment towards the couple but many people fall from bad people and sometimes sexual intercourse could cause life-threatining situations towards an individual. Now it is safe to say that The government provided a bill for individuals looking for solutions with their problem. The RH law which guarantees universal access to methods of contraception, fertility control, sexual education, and maternal care. That is it for todays blog, if you enjoyed it please share and stay tuned for more blogs. Thank you!! Peace!!

[intestineself-blog]

A 19-year-old girl who has no definite idea of how boy-girl dating works so decides that maybe, relationships are not her thing. Well that girl is me. Looking at my friends who's had a couple of successful relationships, I became hopeful that one day, I could have what they have. But then, while there are those who are ecstatic on their relationship, there are also those who had miserably failed theirs, and I was not always an optimistic person so these failure stories took a deeper toll on me and I grew afraid of engaging in relationships. As the years go by, I became nonchalant whenever people around me talk about attraction to others or that they are interested in someone. I calmly avoid having those kinds of talks because it doesn't spark my interest. They usually ask me, "Oh, don't you think that blahblah is cute?", "I think bagay kayo ni balhblah", and I usually reply, "Ah, I'm not interested in boys". I may not be interested in dating guys, but I have always had guy friends. These guy friends of mine made me realize that a guy and a girl may be JUST friends for a long time. Some thought that maybe after spending much time with them, I would eventually develop feelings but I proved them wrong. I did not develop anything romantic with any of them because these guys were silly enough and I cannot even imagine being tied in a relationship with any of them. If anything, these guys had me thinking that I was right on being disinterested on guys. They make me feel like I should really not expect much on guys because at the end of the day, boys will be boys, or what I meant was they really tend to be jerks at times. But surprisingly, as much as they disappoint me with their antics, there are also notable times when they unexpectedly make me raise my standards on guys. I think that they continuously show me how I should be treated if ever I decide on entering the dating zone. For that, I am very grateful that I have met these sons of mine who cares for me as much as I care for them. Just as how my guy friends treated me with adequate care, my high school best friend served my pillar of support especially when I was down nursing a heartache and she encouraged me to be strong even though she was down herself. My best friend, who is a lesbian, treats me as well as our other friends a lot better than how the boys in our school treat me which is why she was also an integral part on how I made my standards for the guy that I would date in the future.

[abudhabby29-blog]

I’ll just keep it short and sweet. Through all the drama that happened somehow this happened. We’re not perfect but both of us are working to keep the relationship at bay even though we are not in the same school anymore.

[abudhabby29-blog]

He gave me the two things I wanted on my birthday. Being surprised and stuffed toy bears from MINISO. I was so flattered and shocked because he spent money to give me the bears and he told me before that he didn’t give anyone gifts. So what a surprise? The most special birthday from that time.

[abudhabby29-blog]

An awkward photo for the day I told my feelings for him. I was done with my emotions so I decided to let myself free. A sigh of relief as he just accepted it. As what he told me, “Nothing will change.”

[abudhabby29-blog]

A friend’s birthday where I got drunk intentionally because I was so sad and heartbroken. My heart was breaking as I see them talking, the girl who broke his heart. Before even reaching that place my parents fought which doubled my pain. Through alcohol I was able to numb the pain for a while.